


All This Shit Is Bonkers!

by bunnymommy16



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: BDSM, Bad Jokes, Dom Cullen Rutherford, Dom Hawke, Dominance, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Exhibitionism, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lactation Kink, M/M, Minor Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus, Minor Josephine/ OMC, Modern Boy in Thedas, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Novella, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Punishment, Recreational Drug Use, Scars, Seer, Slow Burn, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This took on a life of it's own and I'm sorry., Threesome - F/M/M, Toys, Unplanned Pregnancy, Voyeurism, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, dom Isabela, everything is connected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-05-04 00:40:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 142
Words: 308,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14581164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnymommy16/pseuds/bunnymommy16
Summary: It should have been a normal night of drinking between 2 friends, but some asshole had to crash into a power pole. Now my best friend and I have landed in Thedas like every goddamned cliche out there. Coreypheus is coming and I opened my big mouth and gave away that I know everything!But I'm finding that it may not be an accident and Coles words echo in my head. "You are Freedom, he is Peace, a part of him." What does that mean? Is everything connected? Why does Garrett Hawke keep looking at me like that?(Follows the 'Canon' or 'Default' story. The HoF was a Female Dalish Warrior that made the Ultimate Sacrifice and Hawke was a Male Mage who sided with the Mages against Meredith.)





	1. The Crash

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize. This took on a life of its own. It was supposed to be a short little fan fiction, but it exploded and I have no idea how to stop it. Everything is connected, I promise. It just got out of hand. I swear Solas had something to do with this.

I stood in the middle of the cell, staring at the door. The shackles around my wrist were chained to the floor, making it difficult to move, but I didn't let it show. I smiled at the sound of footsteps, echoing off the crude stone walls accompanied by the gentle clink of armor. Cullen stood before me, the iron-barred door a barrier between us, flanked by Lelianna and Josephine. They stared at me, their gazes suspicious and it wasn't hard to guess why.

I had fallen out of the rift and everything about my appearance was, no doubt, startling. From my long emerald green hair to the plain, long-sleeved black dress I wore that would have been considered rather strange here, to the rows of piercings in my ears and the one in my nose. It didn't help that while I was completely unharmed, my companion, Madison, was not.

My best friend, Madison, and I had been out for a night of drinking. We had decided to take a small stroll, let the booze make its way through our system enough to drive ourselves back to our respective homes. A car had sped by us, going too fast on the road left wet from the bought of rain that had come an hour or so before. It had hydroplaned, spinning out and crashing into a power pole near us. Madison had grabbed me, spinning me so he was between me and the crash as glass and metal went flying. A power line had dislodged as I cried out in alarm, landing on the now totaled car and creating a burst of dangerous power that flickered a sickly green. Then the air had rent apart and Madison and I were sucked in.

We had landed in a snow covered landscape with loud yelling echoing all around. Madison had groaned in pain and I was alarmed to see blood soaking his t-shirt. I had quickly run towards the sound of fighting, hoping to find help and wondering why everything looked strangely familiar.

A blond man in armor had come towards me as I screamed, eyes wide as he took me in.

“Please,” I begged, reaching for him, “my friend is hurt! Wait...Cullen?” Cullen had stopped, eyeing me suspiciously.

“How do you know my name?” he asked. “Have we met?” I shook my head, pushing away the confusion that swelled in me. I could figure out what was going on after Madison was safe.

“I'll explain later,” I said. “Please, my friend is injured.” He paused, not budging when I tugged at his arm.

“You can lock me up and question me later,” I hissed. “Madison will die if you don't help me get him to a healer! Please! Tie me up, drag me off by my hair like a caveman, I don't care, just help him!”

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I begged the former Templar to aid me, clutching at his sleeve. He nodded and I guided him to where my best friend lay bleeding in the snow. Cullen had bent down and, in a surprising show of pure strength, lifted Madison onto his shoulders in a fireman's hold and began the trek towards safety.

People stared at us, mostly focused on me. I knew I would be gawked at, but ignored it, closely following the commander, ignoring the fact that my skirt was soaked and clinging to my legs.

Once Madison had been left with the healers, Cullen had grabbed my arm, dragging me to the Chantry. He had pushed me into a dank cell, grabbed a set of shackles chained to the floor and fixing them around my wrists. I had allowed this without protest, staring at the man in slight awe. The game had really not done him justice. Cullen was strikingly handsome, with golden blond hair that curled at the ends and striking brownish gold eyes. The scar on his lip gave him an air of danger and only seemed to accent his looks instead of taking away from them. My mind worked furiously. I had already given away that I knew who he was. I looked up at him as he secured the shackles around my wrists.

“It wasn't your fault,” I said, suddenly. He stopped and looked down at me, his gold brows drawn together in a scowl.

“What wasn't?” he asked.

“Meredith,” I said and he flinched as if I had struck him. His jaw clenched and he looked at me angrily.

“You couldn't have known,” I continued. “What she did...it would have happened no matter what you did and if you tried to stop her, she would have had you locked away or worse.” Cullen's gaze became sorrowful and he clenched his eyes shut as if to block out my words.

“I could have helped the mages...” he began but I lifted my unchained hand, cupping his cheek and cutting off anything else he might have said. His stubble scratched at my palm and I felt his sweat on my fingers as I leaned in closer so he was forced to look at me.

“You can't shoulder the blame for what she did,” I said. “You stood against her when it mattered most. Other's would have run or sided with her out of cowardice. You were brave. Stop punishing yourself for her sins. You're a good man. Never doubt it.” Cullen had always been one of my favorites in Inquisition. He had truly changed, overcome so much and tried to be a better man. I had romanced him several times, enjoying how sweet and loving he could be. He was a man beaten down by tragic events that seemed determined to rise above and live a normal life.

My thumb moved over his cheekbone, stroking it gently and he relaxed into the touch, his eyes falling shut.

“How do you know?” he asked softly.

“Does it matter?” I questioned. He froze, his back stiffening and his amber eyes flying open to stare at me. He jerked away from my touch, seizing my wrist and shackling it, quickly.

“It does matter,” he snarled, tossing my now chained hands from him so they bounced off my pelvis painfully. “If you're an abomination...”

“I'm not,” I said, making him scowl. “But I know if you think I am, you'll kill me.” He nodded once, turning on his heel and striding out of the cell.

Which led me to standing in the middle of said cell, staring at the three advisers.

“Hello,” I said politely.

“Cullen says you are a seer,” Leliana said and I smiled. Straight to the point, I liked her. I always had.

“You joined the Hero of Fereldon because of a dream you believed was from the Maker,” I said. Lelianna's eyes grew wide and Cullen and Josephine both turned to look at their Spymaster.

“Did you kill Majoline?” I asked her.

“Y-Yes,” she stammered. I gave her a pitying look.

“It didn't bring you any peace, though, did it?” I went on. “You knew it had to be done, but it didn't make you feel any better to see her laying on the floor of that room. It didn't change what she'd done and it didn't heal the wounds she had made. She had still betrayed you and her death didn't change that.”

"Fascinating." I turned my head to find Solas had joined us. He moved so quietly I couldn't say when he had come, but now he stared at me with a mix of awe and worry and something else I couldn't place. He wondered if I knew his secret, if I would expose him.

I knew, with an alarming clarity, that I couldn't expose him. Things had to play out and the Inquisitor, whoever that was, would need his help. I knew I couldn't alter what would go on here without doing much more damage.

“I don't know everything,” I said. “The future and what I see depends on choices you have made or will make. I know you won't trust me, but I really want to help you.”

“Why?” Cullen asked. I paused, thinking how to answer and decided that the truth would be the best course.

"Because I have watched you all struggle, seen you overcome hardships, felt your joy and your sorrow," I said. "I don't want you to be hurt or suffer more than you have to."

“So you are like a parent, watching her children as they grow up?” Solas asked. I tilted my head to the side.

“I suppose that would be the best way to put it,” I said.

“How do we know you're not a demon or abomination?” Cullen asked. “This could be some kind of trick.” I stepped closer to the door, the chains catching and stopping me from moving further.

“Am I a demon, Solas?” I asked. His eyes traveled over me, taking me in. I smiled gently as he did, waiting.

“No,” he said. “You are human. But what is to say it is not mere coincidence that you know these things? You could be a spy.” I tittered softly, shaking my head.

“You are a fade walker,” I said. “You dreamt at Ostagar, witnessed the brutality of the darkspawn and the valor of the Fereldon warriors. You saw Alistair and the Hero of Fereldon light the signal fire...and Loghain's infamous betrayal of Cailan's forces.” Solas stared at me with a critical eye, analyzing me.

“But in the fade, what you see are not merely events but the reflections created by spirits who react to the emotions of warriors. One moment you saw heroic Wardens lighting the fire and a power-mad villain sneering as he lets King Cailan fall. The next, an army overwhelmed and a veteran commander refusing to let more soldiers die in a lost cause.”

“You will understand if we don't simply trust you outright,” Leliana said.

“I will do whatever you wish of me,” I said. “Can you tell me how my friend is?”

“He's fine,” Cullen informed me, his gaze becoming less guarded as I visibly relaxed. “The healers were able to treat his wounds and he's resting.”

“Thank you,” I said sincerely. Cullen nodded his head, amber eyes softening.

“We will consult the Herald on what to do with you,” Josephine said and made her way back towards the door with the others following, save for Solas. The elf stared at me and I smiled at him.

“Are you a mage?” he asked me.

"No," I replied. He tilted his head slightly, his gaze raking over me.

“Are you sure?” he questioned.

“I'm not,” I said. “I could be and just don't know it.” I gave him a teasing smile and he chuckled.

“I will leave you to rest,” he said, turning and following the others out.

 


	2. Cullen's Charge

“You can't be serious, Herald!” came Cullen's angry voice from down the hall. I looked up from my perch on the cot as Cullen, Lelianna, Josephine and a young man all walked towards my cell. The man was an elf, large violet eyes and silver hair shaved on one side of his head. He looked to be barely out of his adolescence. His face was marred only by the curling design of the Vallaslin that was dedicated to June. I stood, going as close to the door as my chains would allow. The young man stared at me with open curiosity, his large eyes moving over me.

“I'm told you're a seer,” he said.

“I am, Ser Lavallan,” I said. Silver brows shot up and he looked at the others.

“We never told her your name,” Josephine said in answer to the unasked question.

“You were sent by your clan to spy on the Conclave,” I began, feeling tired and wanting to get the whole 'proving myself' out of the way. “You don't remember what happened after. You woke up with Cassandra accusing you of being a murderer, then went to one of the rifts and sealed it, meeting Varric and Solas along the way.” I paused. “Have you gone to get mother Giselle?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Have you gone to Val Royeaux?” I questioned.

“I have,” he said, his violet gaze boring into me.

"You met Grand Enchanter Fiona, then," I said. He nodded, slowly.

“Have you chosen whether to help the mages or Templar's yet?”

“Not yet,” he said. “We were debating that when you arrived. Can you give any advice?”

"Help the mages," I said. "The Templar's are corrupt, but you can save a few. Send a message to Ser Barris. Tell him his fears are real and if he can gather all the still loyal Templar's and join us at Haven, he can help fight the corruption."

“Can you see that it's done, Cullen?” the Herald asked.

“We're not really going to trust her, are we?” Cullen asked, shocked.

“It can't hurt,” the Herald said, before turning back to me. “You will be Cullen's ward. He will be tasked with making sure you are what you say. And if you betray us he'll...”

“Use his Templar powers to slay me,” I finished with a smile. He nodded and I held out my chained arms to them. Cullen opened the cell door and stepped towards me, unlocking the shackles and gently pulling them from my wrists. I let out a small hiss of pain as the metal came away from my skin as I saw how red and irritated my wrists were. I had pulled at them too much, bored with being in the cell and tugging at my bindings to see if I could escape them. It wasn't that I wanted to run, I just hated being chained and sleeping with them was almost impossible.

“Come on, then,” Cullen sighed, setting the chains on the ground and turning to leave the dungeon. I followed him, making my way up the steps and into the main part of the Chantry. I fought the urge to go explore and instead trailed after Cullen as we entered a small room the held a single desk and a few chairs. The desk was covered with books, papers, rolls of parchment and pens in haphazard piles that almost spilled over the onto the floor. I arched a brow at it and looked at Cullen who blushed slightly.

“Sorry about the mess,” he muttered. I smiled at him easily.

“Where I come from, they say that a cluttered desk shows a brilliant mind,” I told him. He flushed more, but a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. I moved to his bookshelf, my eyes scanning over the titles there.

“So, why is your hair green?” Cullen asked as he took a seat at his desk. I smiled. I had had a feeling I would be interrogated, but I figured Lelianna would be the one to do it.

“I dyed it,” I replied, easily.

“But why green?” he questioned.

“Because that's what I wanted,” I said.

“Is that the norm where you're from?” he asked.

"Not really," I told him with a shrug. He leaned back in his chair, those beautiful golden eyes sweeping over me.

“Are you considered 'strange' in your world?” he inquired.

“A bit,” I admitted with a tilt of my head. “But everyone is a little strange.”

“Oh?” he hummed, arching a brow. “What about me?” I laughed, walking over and perching on the edge of his desk.

“In your own way, yes,” I said. “You can be kind of socially awkward and when it comes to formal affairs, you'd be more likely to wander off and play with a stray dog.” He flushed again, rubbing the back of his neck in the familiar nervous habit. “You've never told anyone what happened at Kinloch Hold but you're cluastrophobic because of it.” He looked away.

“But you know.”

“Actually, no,” I said. “I don't.” He looked at me with a mixtured of surprise and relief.

“You don't?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “But, if you wanted to talk about it, I'd listen. And I wouldn't tell anyone else, it's none of their business.” He looked at me strangely before a slow smile spread on his lips.

“Thank you.” I nodded and smirked, leaning in close to him.

“Personally, I think someone who comes off as normal can't be trusted,” I told him. He looked up at me, smirking despite himself.

“Why is that?” he asked.

"Well, at least in my world, whenever they discover that some guy is a crazy loon with dismembered corpses in his basement, the one thing his neighbors and friends all say is, "He always seemed so normal!" So, when someone 'seems so normal', watch out. That guy has a corpsey basement and he's just an undercover psycho." Cullen stared at me for a long moment, before he burst into peels of laughter, tossing his head back. I laughed along with him, enjoying the sight of his humor. His stern face relaxed, the lines around his eyes seeming less prominent.

“I shall keep that in mind, Madam Seer,” he said with a wry grin. I stood, moving back to the bookcase, tossing him a crooked grin as I did.

“You have other questions, though,” I said. “About me, that is. Leliana told you to find out as much about me as possible, right?”

“I suppose I'm not very subtle at this questioning thing,” Cullen grumbled.

“Or I just know Leliana well enough to be able to predict what she would do,” I laughed, my fingers trailing over the leather of the book spines. “Ask me anything. I will answer as honestly as I can.”

“Just like that?” Cullen questioned.

“Just like that,” I repeated. “I don't need to keep secrets from you. Ask away.” Cullen thought for a moment, stroking his stubbled chin.

"Will you tell me how our endeavor with the Herald ends?" he asked.

“No,” I said.

“No?”

I moved to one of the chairs near the desk and sat in it delicately, folding my hands in my lap and fixing Cullen with a solemn gaze.

“Things must play out a certain way for you to succeed,” I began. “I will help you, but if I tamper too much, I will doom everyone. Certain events, certain choices must be made if Thedas is to survive this. You will be angry at me, you will blame me, but things must happen a certain way.”

“So you won't tell us anything about the future?” he pressed.

"I will offer counsel," I said. "But I will only tell you what is needed to ensure your success." Cullen reached into the drawer of his desk and pulled out my purse. It was dirty and a little torn, but overall the brown leather was intact.

“This was found with you,” he said.

“Looked through it yet?” I teased.

“Of course. I am...unfamiliar with many of the items.” A pause as honey colored eyes locked on me. “Perhaps you can explain what they are?”

The next few hours were filled with me describing my world to the Commander. I pulled out my car keys, my wallet and debit and credit cards as well as my driver's license. I showed him the little bits of cash I had. He was fascinated by everything, the few bits of makeup, my cell phone and charger, the receipts, even the feminine products. I told him about cars, phones, modern medicine, past wars and current problems. I explained the differences between things such as elves, dwarves, and demons, how what they called 'elves' was more of a broad term for us that encompassed many different types of races. I talked about different religions and cultures and the wars that had happened because of it. Our conversations were interrupted only by the occasional person popping in to deliver a message or bring us food. Oddly enough, Cullen didn't once ask just how I knew about the world of Thedas and for that I was grateful. It would have been too difficult to explain without making the whole thing seem cheap. I also liked seeming 'mystical' because of my knowledge and didn't want to give that up.

I realized I had left the case with my grooming shears in my purse instead of leaving them at my job and explained what they were to him.

“Wait, you're a dog groomer?” he asked, his lips tugging into a smile.

“I am,” I said. “Pretty good one too, if I do say so myself. Though most of my clients tend to have the more difficult dogs that bite.” I rolled up my sleeve, shoving him the scars and marks on my hands and forearms from countless dogs bites. He became almost giddy and pulled out a book on the different dogs in Thedas, asking me if we had something similar. It seemed I had stumbled upon one of his favorite subjects and the times flew by as we traded stories, most of mine involving violent or nervous dogs.

After a time, I stood and stretched, shaking out my legs.

“Can we pause this for now?” I asked. “I want to take a little walk.”

“O-of course,” Cullen said, looking out the window slightly startled. “I apologize. I didn't realize how long we had been at this. Let's get some fresh air. You would probably like to check up on your husband.” I laughed at this, shaking my head.

“Madison is not my husband,” I said. “He's married, but not to me. He's just my best friend.”

“Oh, sorry,” Cullen said. “I had just assumed...”

“That the only reason I would be close to a male was that I was sleeping with him?” I teased. He coughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. I grinned and reached over, looping my arm through his.

"Come, Commander," I said. "You can show me around Haven so I don't get lost and have to be escorted back to you like a scared child who's lost their parents." He smiled down at me warmly and lead me out into the cold. I shivered, remembering that I was only dressed in a thin black dress and a pair of boots. I pressed closer to Cullen who paused, looking down at me as if he, too, just realized how ill-dressed I was for the cold of the Frostback Mountains. He pulled me back towards his office and retrieved a cloak, securing it around my shoulders the way an older sibling does from their baby sister. I smiled at him, thanking him as I was enfolded in the fur-lined garment that smelt like him.

I took his arm again and let him lead me out into Haven, listening as he explained where things were, pointing out the tavern, the personal quarters, the merchants and so on. He leaned his head down, speaking close to my ear so I could hear him over the noise of people. People stared at me, taking me in with gawking looks. I returned them with a kind smile that made many blush. I noticed that Cullen would shoot warning looks to those who stared too long.

“You seem more relaxed about me,” I noted.

"You've been very forthcoming," he pointed out. "It's hard not to want to trust you. You're very honest and open."

“I am an open book,” I said, looking up at him. “Ask anything and I will answer as best I can. I have nothing to hide.”

A little elven girl scrambled towards me, large eyes curious as her gaze raked over my green locks.

“Hello,” she said. I smiled and pulled my arm from Cullen's, kneeling down before her.

“Hello,” I said. “What's your name?”

“Iseya,” she told me. “Why is your hair green?”

“Because I thought it was pretty,” I told her.

“It is pretty,” she agreed. “Can I touch it?”

“Iseya!” her mother hissed from nearby.

"It's alright," I assured. "You can touch it." I lowered my head and her tiny fingers timidly stroked the curling strands before becoming more daring and weaving through them.

“It's so soft,” she said, amazed. “I thought it would feel like dried grass, but it feels really nice.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Can I play with it?” she asked. My eyes darted to her mother who looked at me worriedly. I didn't doubt that word of my existence had spread and with it, a deep mistrust. The elves would probably mistrust me more since I was human. I looked at the little girl and smiled.

“Well, Ser Cullen is showing me around right now,” I told her, watching as her little face fell. I reached out, stroking my fingers gently along her cheek to get her attention.

“Now, just listen before you start to pout,” I chided softly. “If it is alright with Ser Cullen and your Mama, I can return after our little trip and we can sit right here with your Mama and I'll let you play with my hair. Okay?” Large eyes darted to look at her mother pleadingly. The woman eyed me, her gaze moving to Cullen then back to her daughter.

“I...uhm...yes. That would be fine,” she said, hesitantly.

“Then I shall return with her in a moment,” Cullen told the girl. “We have to check on her injured friend.” Iseya beamed at me and nodded, pulling back enough so I could stand. I stepped towards her mother, trying to keep my movements easy and gentle, though the woman flinched nonetheless.

“If it worries you, I can tell her 'no',” I murmured. “I won't hurt her or you, but if I make you uncomfortable...” The woman stared at me, surprised. Her large cerulean eyes searched my face for a moment before she gave me a timid smile.

“It...no. It's fine,” she said. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize,” I said gently. “You have done nothing wrong. I am a stranger, an unknown, and you wish to keep your child safe.” She nodded her head in agreement.

“I do,” she said. “But, I am fine with her playing with you.” I reached out slowly, taking her hand in my own. She tensed, but I only brought it up and held it firmly.

“You have my word she will come to no harm by my hand,” I told her, hoping to convey my sincerity in the statement. The woman relaxed, almost as if a physical weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and nodded her head.

"I believe you," she said. I stepped back from her, moving back to Cullen's side and taking his arm again. We bid the two farewell and began making our way around Haven once more. Cullen led me to the healer's tents, opening the flap of one tent near the edge of the camp. Inside, lay Madison. My heart seized at the sight of him. His face was bruised in places, his skin pale and despite the layers of blankets on him, I could tell he was wrapped in bandages. I ducked inside, kneeling at his side and pulling back the blankets to survey the damage. Blood stained wrappings covered his arms and chest, his shirt having been removed along with his pants, though he still wore his boxers. I could see more bandages wrapped around his legs, stained with red and brown.

“The healers say his injuries were extensive,” Cullen said as I gently replaced the blanket. I reached up, gently stroking his dirty hair, careful of the bandage wound around his head.

“He's been given a sleep potion while he heals,” Cullen went on. “The healers said it would be easier and he wouldn't be in as much pain.” Tears fell down my cheeks and I bent down, pressing a kiss to my friend's brow as I whispered his name.

“How did you remain uninjured?” Cullen asked.

“He shielded me,” I said and, despite my best effort to hide my tears, they came through in the hoarseness of my voice. I pressed another kiss to his brow and pulled away, keeping my head down so my hair hid my face. I crawled out of the tent and returned to Cullen's side, expecting him to lead me away. He stood there for a moment before a gloved hand cupped my chin and tilted my head up. I closed my eyes, feeling tears pour down my cheeks and a sob escape my lips left swollen when I had bitten them in an attempt to stifle the sound of my weeping.

“I'm sorry,” I said, trying to pull away. I didn't want to become a sobbing mess in front of this man. Arms encircled me, pulling me to a firm chest and the dam broke. I wept, clutching at the fur mantle he wore, my broken wails muffled against his chest. A hand carded through my hair as he murmured to me, shielding me from the view of others.

“It's my fault,” I sobbed. “He was trying to protect me.”

“He protected you because he loves you,” Cullen soothed. “It's what anyone would do for someone they love. You're not to blame.”

"If he dies..." I wailed my knee's buckling under the weight of my words. Cullen tightened his grip on me, pulling me more firmly against his body.

“He'll be fine,” he assured. “The healers say he will make a full recovery. All of his injuries are flesh wounds and will heal with time and tending.” I looked up at Cullen hopefully, ignoring how much of a mess I must have appeared.

“R-Really?” I asked.

“Yes,” he assured, pushing my hair away from where it had stuck to my cheek with tears. I let out a watery laugh and buried myself back in his chest, my pained cries changing to ones of relief. Cullen stood there, his arms around me, his hands rubbing my back and hair until my sobs died down and I was calm. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief that smelled of sweat, offering it to me. I took it, wiping my face off as I blushed and avoided his gaze.

“I...I'm so sorry,” I said, looking at the wet spot on his shirt with shame. “I didn't expect him to be so...I'm sorry.”

“It's fine,” he assured, gently. “I would be more concerned if you didn't fall apart.”

“I...still...I shouldn't have....jeez, you're shirt's wet now,” I stammered. “I...thank you...I'm sorry...” He chuckled softly, the sound warm and soothing.

“It's all right,” he said. His hand gently took the kerchief from my lax grip and began using it to dab at my face. I smiled at him bashfully. He tucked the now damp cloth into his pocket again and took my arm, guiding me away from the tents as he spoke softly to me.

“Let's find you a change of clothes,” he said. “You've been wearing that dress for a few days now and it's not warm enough for the snow.” I nodded at him, following him as we walked to one of the stalls that were selling goods. I let Cullen pick out a sleeping gown, a tunic, a pair of breeches, a corset, a blouse and a skirt for me, my mind still focused on Madison's bruised face.

“Well hot damn, the stories are true,” came a familiar rough voice.

“Hello, Varric,” I said without thinking.

“Andraste's _ass_ , they're _really_ true," Varric breathed. I turned to look at him, trying to force a smile on my face. He was pretty much how the games depicted him. Reddish blond hair pulled back from his broad face with its crooked nose, a square jaw dotted with stubble and a few faint scars. His shirt was open and his chest hair curled around the cloth, covering every bit of skin below the collarbone.

I gave Varric a tired smile, my lips forced to curl up and resisting.

"Are you alright?" he asked, eyeing me for a moment then looking at Cullen. "Curly isn't bein' too hard on ya, is he?"

“No, not at all,” I said. “Cullen's been very kind. I just...I didn't realize how badly my best friend was hurt and...” I stopped, taking a calming breathe as tears hovered on my lower lashes. I fought them back, swallowing thickly and gave him an apologetic look.

“I know you have a million questions, and I promise I'll answer them, just not now,” I said. Varric looked at me shocked, then gave me a tender smile.

“No one said you had to answer my questions, darlin',” he said with a slight shake of his head.

“I know,” I replied. “But I want to. I want to talk with you.” Varric's warm honey gaze became even more gentle and he walked over, taking my hand between his broad one's and patting it.

“You go get some rest, darlin',” he said. “I'll be around whenever you want to talk.” I smiled at him and nodded, watching as he meandered off.

“How do you do that?” Cullen asked.

“Do what?” I questioned.

“You...you put people at ease,” he said. “It's like your very presence is calming.”

“I...I don't know,” I said. “I'm just honest. I guess that me knowing you all so well means I'm relaxed with you and in turn, this calms your fears or concerns.” Cullen nodded, taking the small wrapped parcel from the merchant and pressing it into my hands.

"Come on," he said. "I'll show you the bathhouse." I nodded and followed as he led me to what he had generously called 'a bathhouse'. Large posts held up some kind of tarp-like material over wooden boards. There were two of them. One labeled for the women and one for the men. Cullen said he'd wait for me, so I ducked into the women's one and began to take off my clothes. Steam rose in great plumes from pools of water that looked like hot springs they had accessed. There were warming glyph's on the floor, glowing faintly and in one corner a stack of small wooden stools and buckets. I grabbed a bucket and filled it with the hot water, taking a stool and sitting by one of the glyphs. I used one of the bars of soap that floated around and began washing. I didn't realize how dirty I was until I watched my skin slowly turn a lighter color. I scrubbed my hair, refilling the bucket a few times to get it clean, ignoring the strange stares I got from the other women. When I was done, I took one of the towels piled by the door and dried off as best I could. I put on the blouse and skirt, slipping my feet back into my boots since I had no other shoes. I fought with the corset for a moment before giving up and slinging it over my shoulder. I tucked my clothes back into the bundle and grabbed Cullen's cloak before stepping outside to find the commander lounging against a tree a little bit away from the tent. He saw me and nodded, making his way towards me. I held up the corset with a scowl.

"Can you help me with this?" I asked. "I have no idea how to put it on." Cullen chuckled and blushed a bit, taking it from my hands as I set my things on the ground and held my arms up and out of his way. He moved closer, his cheeks flushing more as his body pressed against mine while he passed the corset to his other hand and wrapped it around my middle. He moved behind me, threading the string through the lacing holes.

“Do you want it tight or loose?” he asked.

“Loose,” I said. “I'm not trying to trick anyone into thinking I'm thin.” He hummed in acknowledgment of my request and finished lacing the garment before tying it off at my lower back. I thanked him and donned his cloak again. We stopped by the Chantry, dropping my things off in his office before making our way back to the camp where Iseya waited.

When the little girl saw me, she cheered and raced towards me. I smiled and knelt down, picking her up in my arms and balancing her on my hip. We made our way towards the warm fire where her mother had placed a large pot and was cooking something in it that smelled delicious. I sat down on the ground, Iseya standing behind me and pulling a brush through my drying locks. Cullen sat on a log, watching us, his golden eyes focused on me.

Iseya's mother, whose name I learned was Orara, made small talk with us as she bustled around. I learned that Iseya had two older siblings, both boys, who were off with their father, hunting. They had come to Haven after their village was destroyed by the mage/ templar war. She and her husband worked to help feed the people of Haven and she assisted the healers when she could since she had some basic knowledge of potions and herbs.

As we talked, Iseya braided my hair haphazardly, weaving flowers into it, along with a few things I was pretty sure were weeds. The feel of her gently playing with my hair soothed me and before I knew it, I was being lifted up into Cullen strong arms, looking up at him drowsily. He smirked as he bid the mother and daughter pair farewell and began to carry me back to the Chantry.

“I can walk,” I slurred sleepily, not making to get down.

“Into a fire pit, maybe,” he teased.

"Meany," I sighed, resting my head on his fur mantle and letting my eyes fall back shut. I heard the deep rumble of his chuckle and blew a weak raspberry at him. I suddenly smelled leather and parchment and knew we were in the Chantry. It wasn't long before I was laid on a cot and my boots were removed along with my corset. I looked up blearily at Cullen as he pulled a blanket over me and gave him a lazy grin,

“Tucking me in?” I asked. “Aren't you sweet.” Cullen rolled his eyes and stood.

“Goodnight, Madam Seer,” he said, stepping away from the cot. I yawned and let sleep claim me, the events of the day making it impossible to stay awake.

 


	3. I didn't know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this may come off as Cliche, but it's connected. I swear everything is connected and when you find out...mind. blown!
> 
> I thought since I got comments and Kudos on this already, I'd update. The story is mostly finished, just getting betaed and tweaked to make sure everything is consistant.

Two days later I was walking through the village to the training grounds where Cassandra was. Cullen had asked me to go fetch her for him and I used the opportunity to take a break from his questions and stretch my legs. We had moved from questions about my world to what I knew of the past and the present.

I laughed as Iseya clamored into my arms, screeching as her older brother, Adriel, chased after her. The eldest child, Geros, rolled his eyes.

"It's not a proper game of Blight if you run to her for protection!" Adriel cried, glaring at his sister.

“Yes-huh!” Iseya declared. “She's the Grey Warden! She defeats the darkspawn!”

“I'm the Warden?” I asked with a grin. “What does that make you?”

“She's supposed to be a villager,” Adriel said with an eye roll.

“If I'm a Grey Warden,” I mused, tapping my chin dramatically, “aren't I supposed to slay the darkspawn?” I grinned down at the boy who yelped and took off running. I laughed and set Iseya on her feet.

"I'll protect you, fair lady!" I said and began to chase the boy around the fire, weaving in and out of people as he shrieked. Adriel darted past Solas who laughed at us as he ducked out of the way. Adriel turned to look at me, making a face as he did.

“Can't catch me!” the boy cried.

“Yes I- _ADRIEL_!”

Just ahead of the boy was a large stack of sharpened posts. Men had been nearby, repairing the wall that enclosed Haven and must have left them out. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I watched him jerk his head forward, crying out in alarm as he tried to stop. I knew he wouldn't have enough time, he had been running too fast and I wasn't close enough to grab him. I threw my hand out and power exploded in my veins, surging forward as a barrier I had never felt before, warped. A gust of air wrapped around Adriel, pushing him back from the posts and flinging him in my direction. His tiny body slammed into me hard enough to knock the wind out of me. I curled around the boy protectively, skidding painfully on the ground, my tunic riding up and the skin of my side scraping away. I gave a pained groan as Adriel gripped my shirt, sobbing openly. Solas came running towards us, kneeling on the ground and moving his hands over me.

“No,” I gasped. “Adriel...!” Solas paused as I tried to push the boy into his arms even though he clung desperately to my shirt.

“Adriel is fine,” Solas assured. “Your magic saved him.”

“My...what?” I asked, letting out another groan as my side throbbed. I let Solas help me into a sitting position, cradling the child in my lap.

“I knew you had to be a mage,” Cassandra sighed. I turned to find her walking towards me, eyeing me suspiciously.

"But...I'm not..." I said, shocked. Solas' warm hands lifted my tunic, sending healing magic to my skinned side.

"We will need to..." Cassandra began, but I shot her a look, nodding to the still weeping child in my arms.

“Not now, Cassandra,” I said, sternly. She flushed.

“O-of course.” I stood, holding Adriel tightly and rocking him.

“Shhh, you're okay,” I soothed. “It was just scary.” Adriel wrapped his arms around my neck, his sobs dying down.

“Are you hurt?” he asked me.

"No, I'm fine," I told him. He nodded, pressing his face into my neck and hiccuping. I hummed softly, rubbing my hands over his back until I felt him relax and his breathing even out.

“He's asleep,” Solas said. I nodded, wrapping my cloak around the boy and looking at Cassandra.

“Cullen was looking for you,” I told her. “I'm going to take Adriel to his mother and join you. Solas should probably come too.”

“I will accompany you,” the mage said. I nodded and let out a heavy sigh.

"There goes any minute trust I won," I grumbled, watching as Cassandra made her way to the Chantry. I made my way back towards Orara, handing her Adriel while Solas explained what had happened. Orara thanked us and took the sleeping child, giving me a gentle smile.

“I'm sorry,” I said.

“For what?” she asked. “You saved him.”

“He wouldn't have been in danger if I...” I began.

“What? Weren't playing with him?” she questioned. “Or Geros would have chased him and he would have run into the posts and died.” I flushed and looked at the ground. Orara reached out, putting her hand on my shoulder and giving it a brief squeeze as her lips curled into a gentle smile that I returned.

I followed Solas back towards the Chantry and into Cullens office. Immediately the commander was rounding his desk and grabbing my arm, harshly.

“You said you weren't a mage,” he hissed, teeth gritted in anger.

“I'm not!” I cried, his grip biting into my flesh.

“You expect me to believe that you just happen to know magic?” Cullen barked, towering over me.

“I don't 'know magic'!” I cried. “I have no idea how to control these powers!”

“You expect me to believe you can't do magic in your world?” He was furious, bearing down on me, backing me up against the wall so I was trapped.

“You're hurting me!” I cried. “Let go!”

"Commander!" Solas barked, appearing beside us, gripping Cullen's shoulder. Cullen froze, looking down to where he gripped my arm. He released me abruptly, my bicep throbbing in pain.

“I...forgive me,” he gasped, running his fingers through his hair as he stumbled back.

“I know you have no reason to trust me, but I honestly didn't know,” I said. “I didn't think...I...I didn't lie to you!” The room was silent and I looked up to the other three. They turned to each other, Cassandra and Cullen exchanging looks as Solas lay a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“She will need someone to teach her how to control her powers,” Cassandra said.

“I can assist with that,” Solas said. “I suggest we start soon.”

“Then her lessons will be done around the afternoon,” Cullen said. “I still need her mornings for questioning.”

“So glad I have a say in this,” I snarked, making the other three turn to me.

“You disagree?” Cassandra questioned. I sighed heavily, my shoulders slumping.

“No,” I said. “I just...I'm right here, don't talk like I'm not.”

“Forgive us,” Solas said. “Would you like to start your lessons today?” I looked at Cullen for a brief moment, but he didn't meet my gaze.

“Yes,” I said.

“Very well,” Solas said. “Come with me.” I nodded and followed the elf out of the Chantry. He led me to Harritt's, perusing the materials the man had out.

“You will need a staff,” he said. “I suggest something simple.”

"I will defer to your judgment," I said. "You know more about this than I do." Solas nodded and began picking out the wood and grip, eyeing the schematics Harritt had. He seemed excited, which struck me as strange but I brushed it off, thinking he was just glad for the chance to teach. I walked over to a table that held several crystals in different shapes, sizes, and colors. I reached out, picking up a large, ocean blue stone and holding it in my palm. It glowed brightly, the surface becoming warm at my touch.

“Ahhh, a good choice,” Solas said, walking over and taking the stone from my hand. He handed it and a schematic to Harritt, who said he could have it ready by tomorrow.

We then made our way to Solas' hut, where he retrieved a book titled 'The Basics of Magic' and gave it to me.

“We won't practice magic until you have a staff,” he said. “But you should begin reading this.”

“Can I ask for a favor?” I questioned, chewing my lower lip. Solas paused, arching a brow at me and nodding his head for me to continue.

“Can you teach me elvish?” I asked. His eyes grew wide and I saw a flicker of respect in them. He hadn't expected me to ask him that, not by a long shot.

“You want to learn to speak elvish?” he repeated, his tone disbelieving. “Why?”

“Why not?” I said with a shrug.

“Most humans wouldn't bother.” His expression was guarded, his eyes sweeping over me as his brow lifted. I was startled suddenly by those eyes. I had only seen them in the darkness of the cells before but now, in the light, I realized they were the exact same color as mine, a trait I thought only my best-friend shared. I quickly pushed the thought out of my head and shrugged.

“Their loss,” I said. “That just means they won't understand us when we talk shit about them.” I grinned at Solas who chuckled.

“If you wish,” he said. “I shall see if I can find a book on the basics, but we can start now if you wish.”

“Please,” I said. “I hope to be good enough that we only do lessons in Elvish.” Solas nodded and began teaching.

 


	4. Forgive Me

I walked into the Chantry, yawning. Solas was a very stern teacher and my head felt crammed with magic and elvish basics. The Elvish language wasn't very difficult from what I had seen playing the games and listening to Solas' explanations. Most of the words were short, only a few syllables and the 'a' vowel was most common. I walked into the bedroom I shared with Cullen and changed into my nightgown, dropping down on the cot and opening the book on Magic to skim through it. The door opened and Cullen walked in, stopping when he saw me. I looked up at him, watching as he rubbed the back of his neck for a moment, then reached down and began to nervously remove his armor.

“Did you have a good lesson?” he asked.

“I did,” I said. “Though I won't be able to practice until I have a staff.” He nodded, pulling off the last of his armor so he was left in only his shirt and breeches. I watched as he pulled off his shirt, unable to stop myself from admiring his sculpted abs and broad shoulders. Silvery scars littered his chest, back and arms, but, like the one of his lip, they only added to his looks, showing a man who had given himself to his cause at his own personal risk. Blond hair dusted across his broad chest, trailing in a line down his stomach and disappearing into his waistband. I noticed that he refused to look at me and let out a heavy sigh.

“You're angry at me.” Cullen's head shot up and his amber eyes were wide.

“I...what...no!” he argued.

"No?" I repeated my brow lifting. He scrubbed his hand over his face before peering at me between his fingers. His gaze trailed down to my bare arm and he winced. I looked down and saw a hand-shaped bruise on my bicep left, no doubt when Cullen had angrily grabbed me. He reached into the trunk at the foot of his bed and pulled out a clay jar, walking over and kneeling before me.

“What are you doing?” I questioned. He opened the jar and gently took my elbow, pulling my arm out away from my body. I watched as he dipped the fingers of his other hand into the jar before carefully rubbing the poultice into the bruised flesh, his touch feather light. His fingers were calloused and warm, his hold on my elbow so light that I barely felt it. I watched him as he worked, his golden gaze focused on the angry bruises.

“I'm sorry,” he said, his hand pausing in applying the poultice. “I shouldn't have treated you so roughly. It was very unbecoming of me and you did nothing to warrant it.”

“It's alright,” I said.

“ _No_ , it's _not_ ,” he said firmly, his jaw clenched. I reached out, laying my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me, then hung his head.

“I...you've been nothing but honest with us,” he said. “When Cassandra told me about your powers...I just assumed you had lied or hidden it.”

“You've only known me a few days,” I pointed out. “You had every right to be suspicious.”

“Be that as it may, I had no right to _manhandle_ you,” Cullen said. “I apologize.”

“I forgive you,” I said. Cullen gave me an uncertain smile and replaced the lid on the jar, moving to stand, but I put pressure on his shoulder, stopping him from rising to his feet and making him look at me curiously. I moved so my legs were on either side of him and reached out, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my body against his. He stiffened, his hands hovering at my sides for a moment before winding around my waist. My breast pressed against his chest as his face buried in the crook of my neck where I felt his stubble scratch at my skin. I heard him take a deep breath before pulling away slightly, keeping his hands on my waist. I rested my forearms on his shoulders, turning my hand to twist an errant curl of his hair around my fingers.

“I really didn't know I was a mage,” I said.

"I believe you," he told me. I put my hands on his shoulders, moving them so I could gently trace his collarbone. He gave a little shiver, his hands tightening briefly.

“Can I...can I tell you something?” I asked, chewing my lip.

“What?” he urged.

“I'm glad the circles all fell.” My finger trailed along the corded muscles in his neck distractedly. He hand came up and clasped mine, forcing me to look up at him.

“Why's that?” he inquired, arching a brow.

“I wouldn't want to be locked away,” I explained. “I know you don't really understand, but the thought of being imprisoned...my father kept me locked away enough, I don't know if I could do it again.” Cullen scowled.

“Why did he keep you locked away?” he asked.

“Not literally,” I said. “He just...never let me do anything. He kept me on a tight leash as a teenager, barely let me leave the house.”

“Why?” he asked again. “Were you getting into trouble?”

“No,” I said, my fingers slipping from his and moving to his chest, tracing patterns in his chest hair. “No more than any other teenager. He was just...he was really controlling.”

“I'm sorry.” He gave me a sympathetic look.

“It's not your fault,” I sighed. “Thanks for...healing me...”

"Your welcome," he said and looked like he wanted to say something else, but he closed his mouth and stood, picking up the jar and putting it back in the trunk. He walked over to the candelabra, looking over at me.

“Goodnight,” he said in a soft voice.

“Goodnight, Cullen,” I said, laying down as he blew the candle out.

 


	5. Homesick

I gazed at the report in my hand, having read the same line three times and still not fully processed what it said. I sighed and let it drop to the desk, gazing out the window.

  
“Something wrong?” Cullen asked, looking at me worriedly.

  
“I miss dogs,” I said. “I used to deal with them every day, even my own dog. I miss them. I miss how they don't want anything besides a cuddle.” Cullen chuckled.

  
“Should I go get you a mabari?” he questioned. I perked up, looking at him hopefully before attempting to school my features when I saw his wry grin.

  
“I...no...thank you,” I said. He laughed, leaning back in his chair and tossing his pen into the inkwell.

  
“You're a bloody _awful_ liar,” he remarked.

  
“Was it that obvious?” I asked, looking up at him meekly. He nodded, grinning at me. I huffed and crossed my arms.

  
“It's not nice to tease, Commander!”

  
“Forgive me, Madam Seer,” he said, bowing his head. I turned to gaze longingly out the window once more, my chin cradled in my palm while my elbow was perched on the desk. I heard the scrape of Cullen's chair and looked over to see him getting to his feet.

  
“Come,” he urged, holding out his hand with a gallant bow. “If the Seer wants dogs, the least I can do is provide.” I smiled at him coyly as I took his hand, letting him pull me to my feet.

  
“And it wouldn't have anything to do with you needing a break and being a dog-loving idiot like me?”

  
“Not in the least.”

  
“You're a shit liar, yourself, Commander.” Cullen only smiled and led me out into Haven. He pulled me out into the village, grinning at me as he went. I could see his amber eyes dancing with mirth and became giddy myself. He came to a hut and knocked softly on the door, waiting. It opened and an elderly man answered the door, arching a brow at us.

  
“We hear you have a mabari,” the Commander said. “And the Seer has never seen one.” The man smiled and turned his head, whistling.

  
“She's an old girl, but she's still lively,” he said, stepping aside as a massive muscled dog that resembled an American Bulldog came ambling over to the door. I gasped and dropped to my knee's, holding my arms open for her.

  
“Aren't you beautiful!” I cried. The dog wagged it's stump tail and bounced over to me, licking the side of my face. I rubbed up her neck and over her haunches, cooing excitedly.

  
“Yes, you are! You're such a pretty girl!”

  
“She's not normally so friendly,” the man remarked.

  
“Awe, is that right?” I asked, pressing kisses to her muzzle. “Is that because those others just don't appreciate how beautiful you are? I bet that's it.” The Mabari rolled over onto her back and I rubbed her belly as she wiggled. She rolled back over and flopped down in my lap, sprawling out on me. I hugged her, leaning over and pressing kisses to her head. She gave a content gruff at the attention and nuzzled into my neck. I sighed happily, looking up at the man.

  
“I'm stealing her,” I said and he laughed.

  
“She seems to feel the same,” he remarked, eyeing the way his dog lounged on me. “I'm Douglas. And that's Inez.”

  
“It's nice to meet you,” I said, not moving.

  
“I think our seer is in love,” Cullen laughed.

  
“I told you I missed dogs,” I said. “And she's so damn pretty!” Cullen beamed at me, kneeling beside me and petting Inez's head. The Mabari huffed and looked at him before snuggling back into me.

  
“She's mighty taken with you,” Douglas remarked. “She doesn't tend to like a lot of people. I found her in an alley where some kids were throwing rocks at her. Took me days to earn her trust.”

  
“You know what they say about Mabari, right?” Cullen asked, looking at me.

  
“What's that?” I  pulled back, cupping the dog's cheek and rubbing her temple so her eyes drooped.

  
“They're excellent judges of character,” he said.

  
“I think most dogs are great judges of character,” I said, trailing my fingers along the thick collum of Inez's neck so she sighed contently. Cullen hummed in agreement and I trailed my hand down the dog's leg, lifting her paw.

  
“You need your nails cut, baby girl,” I said with a chuckle.

  
“Yeah,” Douglas agreed. “She struggles for it and I don't have the strength to fight her anymore. But they've gotten bad.”

  
“If you have the nail clippers I can do it,” I offered. “Wanna help, Cullen?” He looked shocked for a moment before grinning.

  
“Sure,” he said. Douglas ducked inside his hut and returned with a pair of nail clippers that were very similar to what I was used to. They had a wood handle and two thick curved blades that formed a circle just big enough for a dogs nail to get through. I took them and urged Inez to her feet.

  
“Okay, Commander,” I said. “ wrap one arm around her neck and the other around her body in a hug.” Cullen did as I instructed and I grabbed Inez's paw, pulling it towards me. She whined and thrashed, but Cullen held on and I quickly clipped her nails. I moved to the other paw and she snarled, her hackles raising.

  
“No!” I said firmly and blew in her face. She jerked back, looking at me with fearful eyes, having realized what she had just done. I quickly clipped the other paw before moving to the back, putting my shoulder under her and bending her leg back. It wasn't long before I had the back nails done and told Cullen he could release her. She jerked back, whimpering but I just reached out and rubbed her ears.

  
“See? No big deal, baby. You did so well, such a trooper! Whose a good girl? Yes, you!” I praised and Inez wagged her tail, giving a long lick to my face.

  
“You've done that before, haven't you?” Douglas asked.

  
“I used to be a dog groomer,” I said. “I took a lot of difficult dogs that no one else could do. And they're always fussy for their nails. Which, to be fair, I wouldn't be okay with a stranger grabbing my feet and clipping my toenails.”

  
“Really?” Douglas asked. “I thought you had just always been a Seer.”

  
“Nope, a recent development,” I said with a grin, rising to my feet and brushing nail clippings from my pants. I handed the clippers back to him and he smiled at me.

  
“Thank you, Madam Seer,” he said sincerely.

  
“My pleasure!” I chirped, beaming. “Thank you for letting me cuddle your dog. It made me less homesick.”

  
“You are welcome any time you want,” he said, bowing his head.

  
“Thank you very much,” I said. “And if you need any help with her, I'd be more than happy to assist.”

  
“I would greatly appreciate that,” he said. “I'm not as spry as I used to be.”

  
“You just have to ask!” I smiled and Cullen scratched between Inez's ears before moving to my side.

  
“We will leave you to your evening, then,” he said, nodding. I bid Douglas farewell and walked beside Cullen back to the Chantry. He smiled down at me.

  
“You seem happier,” he noted.

  
“I am,” I said, wrapping my arm around his and leaning against him. “Thank you for that.”

  
“Anytime,” he said. “You have seemed a bit stressed lately.” I sighed and looked down at Cullen's arm, noting the scar on the back of his hand.

  
“Can I tell you something?” I asked.

  
“Of course,” he said, pulling us to a stop just at the side of the Chantry. I toyed with the sleeve of his shirt, shivering slightly.

  
“I'm scared,” I breathed.

  
“What are you scared of?” he asked softly.

  
“I...I'm a mage...I...I don't know how to control these powers. Most people learn their powers in their youth, not at thirty. What if...what if I hurt someone?” A warm hand cupped my chin and my face was tilted up. Cullen gave me a gentle smile, his thumb brushing my chin.

  
“That is why Solas is teaching you to use your powers,” he said. “And from what I've heard, you've been doing great.”

  
“But what if-!” Those fingers pressed to my lips and Cullen hushed me.

  
“Stop,” he said. “You won't be alone. And if your powers go haywire, we have Templar's and Mages here to help.”

  
“And you?” I asked, pleadingly.

  
“And me,” he agreed. “I'm not a Templar anymore, though.”

  
“No,” I said slowly. “But I hope you're, at least, my friend.” He blushed, but his lips curled into a smile.

  
“Of course,” he said. I threw my arms around his neck in a hug and felt him stiffen before he carefully hugged me back. He smelled of oakmoss and elderflower as well as leather and sweat and I found the scent relaxing.

  
“Let's get back to work,” he said, pulling away from me. I smiled and followed him back into the Chantry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you're homesick, a Mabari is the best cure!


	6. Awake and Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _words_ = Elvish

I watched as the mages filed through the gates of Haven, casting their gazes about suspiciously, eyeing the Templar's that watched them. It had been a week since the Herald had returned from Redcliffe castle bringing news of Corepheyus's horrible plans. Cullen had asked me if I knew about it and I had confirmed it. Now we were waiting for Grand Enchanter Fiona to bring the last of her group to Haven so the Herald could seal the breach. I wandered over to where Lelianna was, standing by as she ordered her spies to pull back. My heart seized. It was getting close to when the Templar's would attack Haven and I knew I had to act.

  
“Sister Nightingale,” I called. Leliana stopped and turned to me, her brow arched as her eyes raked over me.

  
“Madam Seer,” she greeted coolly. “How may I help you?”

  
“Would you mind if we spoke somewhere private?” I requested. Ice blue eyes pierced me, no doubt trying to find some kind of clue as to what I could want from her.

  
“Of course,” she said, stepping away from the tent and leading me down a winding path. I recognized it as the bridge to the conclave that had been barred off so no one wandered too close.

  
“How can I help you?” Lelianna said pleasantly if a bit coldly.

  
“I know you don't trust me,” I began. “But I need your help.”

  
“With what?”

  
“There is a path in Haven, Roderick knows of it,” I began. “You need to stack supplies there, bandages, food, blankets and the like. Haven needs to be ready to evacuate in case of an emergency.” Leliana eyed me suspiciously, her arms crossing under her breast.

  
“Why?” she asked.

  
“Because Haven isn't a fortress and the Inquisitions actions have pissed a lot of people off,” I said.

  
“Are you saying Haven will be attacked?” she pressed.

  
“I'm saying it's likely,” I said.

  
“We could relocate,” she suggested. I shook my head.

  
"We will just be attacked in our new location," I said. "And we will be ill-prepared then, just as now." Leliana stepped closer, her eyes cold and her stance threatening.  
“You know something,” she said. I glared at her.

  
“I know a lot of things,” I replied, icily. “I'm trying to give everyone their best chance of survival and you're making it very difficult. Find the path, stock it with supplies, make sure everyone knows where to go in case of an attack. Or don't take my advice and watch people die. You're choice, Leliana.” I spun on my heal and stormed away, leaving the Spymaster to gape at me.

  
I took the satchel I had acquired and filled with various health potions, bandages, and a thick woolen cloak and snuck over to where the trebuchet was. I tied a rope to it and lowered it into the old mine shaft, giving it a slight swing and letting it go, watching as it skidded out of sight. I only hopped that Gethorn, the Herald, spotted it when he needed it.

  
I looked around, making sure I wasn't spotted and made my way towards Solas' hut for my lessons. I passed Blackwall and as I did, the soldier nodding to me. Blackwall had been nice to me but made sure to keep his distance, no doubt wondering if I knew his secret. I hadn't spent much time around the Herald's companions besides Solas. Blackwall and Sera had given me wide birth for their own reasons and I had been so busy with lessons and Cullen's interrogations that I hadn't gotten to see the others more than briefly. I had met up with Varric one night at the Tavern and found out that Garrett Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall, was a mage on the run. The dwarf had supplied me with liberal amounts of ale and asked me tons of questions when he realized that what I knew was dependent on actions Garrett would have taken. When I had asked if Carver went into the deep roads with them, Varric's expression had become a bit curious and somber.

  
“No,” he had said. “Hawke didn't take him. What would have happened if he did?”

  
“Was Anders with you?” I inquired, running my finger along the rim of my tankard.

  
“No,” Varric said.

  
“He would have died,” I replied, taking a swig of ale.

  
“And if Anders had been there?”

  
“He would have become a Grey Warden,” I answered, leaning against the table. Varric swore under his breath and shook his head. The dwarf had escorted my drunken self back to Cullen, who shot him a disapproving glare when I had called him 'Cully' and wrapped my arms around his neck. Cullen had tucked me into bed, muttering about dwarves and their drinking and placed a waterskin next to my bed.

  
I had greatly appreciated it when I woke up the next morning with a cottonmouth and a pounding headache.

  
I smiled at the memory of Cullen holding my green locks back from my face as I puked in the bucket he had gotten me.

  
“ _You seem rather happy, my friend,_ ” Solas said to me in Elvish. I bounced over to him, taking his hand in my own.

  
“ _Excited for my lessons,_ ” I said. Solas smiled and tugged me in the direction of the lake, chatting with me as he did.

  
“ _Today, we will learn a fire spell_ ,” he said, waving his free hand and producing a ball of fire that danced between his fingers. I cheered, tugging him faster towards the lake.

  
“ _Wait, my friend,_ ” he laughed. _“I must first teach you how to form a barrier between your skin and the fire so you don't get_ nuis _._ ”

  
“Nuis?” I asked.

  
"Burned," he translated. I nodded and sat with him on the dock as he explained how to warp the veil to shield my body. We were halfway through our lesson when I heard my name called. I turned, expecting to see Cullen scowling at me, but instead saw a familiar head of dirty blond hair. Madison stood a little away from me, dressed in a thick tunic and breeches, both of which were ill-fitting. I stood slowly, the rest of the world falling away. My limbs seemed sluggish as I moved, even though I knew I was running, I wasn't getting to him fast enough. He graced me with a wide grin, throwing his arms open to catch me as I almost bowled him over in my haste to get to him. He gripped me tightly, laughing as I sobbed openly, peppering his face with kisses.

  
“Hey, not so rough,” he said. “I'm still tender!”

  
“Shut up,” I sobbed, cupping his face which still bore faint green bruises.

  
“Miss me?” he asked, placing his hands on my waist as I ran my fingers through his greasy hair.

  
“Not at all,” I lied with a smirk.

  
“Liar!”

  
“I am,” I admitted. I looked up to see Cullen was nearby, smiling at us. He walked over to us, an easy grin on his lips as he took in my giddiness.

  
“He woke up an hour ago and has been asking for you,” Cullen said. “He's said nothing else, in fact.”

  
“I was worried about her,” Madison said, his eyes raking over me. “But she seems okay.” I nodded and enfolded Madison in my arms again, just hugging him.

  
“You were a mess,” I wept. “Asshole, don't ever scare me like that again.”

  
“Sorry,” Madison said. “Well, no I'm not. I was protecting your ass, so I'm not sorry.”

  
“Asshat,” I said, pulling back.

  
“You two probably have some catching up to do,” Solas said from behind me. I turned and found him staring at Madison, his expression guarded.

  
“Oh, yes,” I said. “But my lessons...”

  
“Can wait,” Solas said. I smiled at him gratefully and took Madison's hand, pulling him with me as we walked away from Haven.  
When we were out of earshot, Madison shot me a questioning look.

  
“Am I dreaming?” he asked.

  
“No,” I said. “Do you know where we are?”

  
“Thedas,” he said and I nodded.

  
“As far as they're concerned, I'm a seer.” Madison laughed.

  
“That's what you went with?” he asked.

  
“Shut it, I kind of gave myself away when you were injured and I was looking for help,” I bit out. “They know we're from another world, but they think the reason I know so much is mystical and I think it's best we keep it that way.”

  
“Gotcha,” Madison said. “How long have I been out...wait...it that a staff?” I reached up, my fingers trailing over the bright blue gem of my staff and nodded.

  
“You were out for two weeks,” I said. “And I am a mage.”

  
“Sweet,” Madison said. “Anything else I need to know?”

  
“It's getting close to the Herald closing the breach.” His eyes went wide.

  
“That means...”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Do they know?”

  
“I told Lelianna earlier that she needed to be ready to evacuate Haven, just not why.”

  
Madison tilted his head to the side, thinking. I stooped low, gathering some elfroot I saw and tucking it into my skirt pockets.

  
“Good idea,” he said. “If they moved, he'd just attack them there and...”

  
"And they'd be ill-prepared," I finished. Madison reached out, taking my hand.

  
“Do you know how we can get home?” he asked. I cast him a sorrowful look and shook my head.

  
“I don't,” I said. “I was going to wait until Skyhold to figure it out. Dorian would be our best bet for information.” Madison agreed and we began making our way back to Haven.

  
“Have you met with Varric?” he asked with a grin. Varric was Madison's favorite character and I laughed softly.

  
"Briefly," I said. "He got me really drunk and asked me a bunch of things about Hawke. Cullen wasn't too happy."

  
“Ooohhh,” Madison said, his brows shooting towards his hairline. “Is the commander interested in you?”

  
“Hardly,” I snorted. “I'm his ward. He's in charge of me and didn't like having to tuck me in and take care of my hungover ass.” Madison laughed at this, shaking his head.

  
“Did you do anything embarrassing?” he questioned.

  
“I called him 'Cully' and slobbered on him a bit,” I said.

  
“Damn, that's it?” my friend asked, disappointed I hadn't made more of an ass of myself. I paused when I saw the gates to Haven, pulling Madison to a stop beside me.

  
“If you don't have magic powers, I think you should learn to shoot a bow,” I said. “You need to learn to defend yourself.”

  
“So I should find the goblin?” Madison asked. I smirked at his nickname for Sera and nodded.

  
“Will do,” he said.

  
“I need to find Cullen and ask him where you're going to sleep,” I hummed as we moved closer to Haven.

  
“Meh, I can share your bed,” he said, flippantly.

  
“My bed is small,” I said, leveling him with a look. “And while I love ya, I don't love ya that much.”

  
"Awwwwe, C'mon," he said, bumping his shoulder into mine. "You don't wanna cuddle up together and possibly punch each other in the face?" I laughed and shook my head.

  
“I'll pass,” I said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madison awoke! Yay! Also, the OC doesn't have a name. I tend to write the story without naming them, in the way that Dragon Age never says that name. If anyone has an idea for a good name for her, let me know and I'll give her one. Otherwise, she'll remain mostly nameless.


	7. And They Called Him, Iquisitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _words_ = Elvish

Sera had reluctantly agreed to give Madison lessons in archery. It had taken a veiled threat from me to do my magic lessons in her vicinity to get it, but it had worked. Madison would be bunking with Blackwall, while I remained with Cullen. When my friend had fiend ignorance about where we were and anything regarding the inquisition, Leliana had dismissed him. Once everything was taken care of, I had all but thrown Madison into the bathhouse and begged Solas for one of his tunics and a pair of breeches, since he was closest to Madison's size. Solas had given them to me with a smile, reaching out and tapping my chin as he did so.

  
“ _You are happier than I have seen you since you got here,_ ” he had remarked.

  
“ _My best friend is alright and awake,_ ” I had said with a smile before dashing off towards the bathhouses.

  
I watched with increasing anxiety as more mages arrived, worried that Leliana had dismissed our talk. My concerns were soothed when the Spymaster had taken me aside and shown me the path Roderick had revealed, hidden carts laden with supplies.

  
“Will this suffice?” she asked me.

  
“If you can get more, it would help,” I said. “But anything you can get will be good.” She had nodded and pulled the foliage back over the cache.

  
As I suspected, Madison had quickly sought out Varric and the two could often be found drinking and telling stories. Varric taught him how to play 'Wicked Grace' and in one game, took Madison's bow, arrows, and clothes. I had rolled my eyes at the sight of my friend naked and leveled the dwarf with a glare until he gave Madison back his things.

  
“Can you two just bet with money or rocks?” I asked. Varric had howled with laughter as this while Madison slipped into his underwear and chased me around the tavern, threatening to give me a naked hug.

  
It was one such night when I was walking along the lake, Inez at my side since she needed the exercise, after giving Varric a stern warning not to get Madison too sloshed, that I spied the Herald, curled up in a ball, his shoulders shaking. I was suddenly struck by just how _young_ he was. His face still retained some of its baby fat, his limbs were long and gangly and I spied a zit on his shirtless back, no doubt from sweating in his tunic.

  
“Gethorn?” I called out softly. He spun around, hastily wiping his face, but I could tell from his red eyes he had been crying. I eased closer to him, reaching out and gently touching his shoulder.

  
“What's wrong, sweety?” I asked.

  
"Nothing," he said sulkily. I sighed and sat on the stump he had been leaning against, carding my finger's through his silver hair.

  
“Talk to me, dear,” I urged. He leaned back against me, relaxing as I massaged his scalp.

  
"They all depend on me," he said. "They call me a hero like I'm supposed to be able to save them all. I just...their lives are in my hands and...I don't know if I'm making the right choices."

  
“You've done well so far.”

  
“Because of you,” he said. “If you weren't here....”

  
“I will always help you,” I soothed. “You have but to ask and all my knowledge will be at your disposal.”

  
“What if I make the wrong choice?” he whispered, turning to face me, his large violet eyes pleading.

  
“There is no wrong choice,” I said. “You do what you feel is best and hope it works out.”

  
“How can you say that?” he asked, resting his cheek on my thigh.

  
“Because it is the truth,” I said, brushing his hair away from his face. “I am sorry that you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you're not alone. You have Lelianna, Josephine, Cullen, Solas, Bull, Blackwall, Cassandra, Varric, Dorian, Vivienne...”

  
“And you?” Gethorn asked, hopefully.

  
“And me,” I agreed. “Always.” Gethorn sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist. I watched as the young man rested his head on my chest, his arms tight around my ribs.

  
“Can I just...can we just sit here...like this...for awhile?” he asked. I smiled and nodded.

  
“Of course, dear,” I said, running my hand down his back.

  
“Do you miss your family?” he asked.

  
“I didn't have much of a family,” I said. “I miss my sister's and my cousins, but that's about it.”

  
“No parents?” he asked.

  
“None worth missing.” He winced.

  
“I'm sorry,” he said.

  
“It's not your fault,” I told him.

  
“No brothers?” he asked.

  
“My younger brother is a twat,” I hissed. Gethorn laughed softly, tilting his head back but keeping his cheek against my bosom.

  
“You're not like most human's I've met,” he said.

  
“Thank you,” I replied.

  
“How do you know that was a compliment?” he asked.

  
“Wasn't it?” I shot back, arching a brow.

  
"Yes," he said with a wry grin. "Most human's I've met either call me 'knife-ear', keep their distance or try to jump into the sack with me."

  
“Well, I won't ever do those things,” I said. “Well...I might call you knife-ear ironically...but I'll say it with love.” Gethron snickered and pressed his face into my neck.

  
“Can we do this again?” he asked.

  
“What? Talk?" I questioned, running my fingers through his hair.

  
“Yes,” he said.

  
“You have but to ask, sweetie,” I said. “Come on, let's get you to bed. It's cold outside.” Gethron nodded and I pulled him to his hut, pressing a kiss to his cheek as I bid him goodnight.


	8. To The Breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so because of just how fucking loooong this story is, seriously, it's a novel. I have decided to speed things along for you guys. I will post a chapter every day. This will take a while, but hopefully, you like the story enough to stick with it.  
> If I forget one day, please hit me up and let me know. 
> 
> _words_ = Elvish.

I stood at the gates of Haven, Madison beside me as I watched Gethorn, Solas, Cassandra and Varric get ready to make the trek to the breach. I held Gethorn's cloak, something he had forgotten in his cabin, something he often forgot. I swore the kid was a polar bear with how he withstood the cold so ill-dressed.

  
Madison's hand slid over mine and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

  
"Relax there, Mom," he whispered in my ear. "He's got the mage, the rogue and the seeker with him. He'll be fine." I took a deep breath, fighting to suppress my anxiety. Since our conversation, Gethorn sought me out regularly, whether to talk or soak up physical affection, it didn't matter. I always welcomed him and this had led to Madison calling me "mom" since I apparently mothered the boy and a few others. Varric had gotten wind of it and it was now my nickname. I was hoping for a cool nickname, something like "Oracle" or "Emerald" because of my hair. Hearing the dwarf call me 'Mom' had made me a little surly.

  
Cullen had, unexpectedly, found the nickname hilarious when he had heard Varric shout it at me and spent several minutes doubled over in laughter while I glared, then spent several more minutes chasing me around Haven trying to apologise and tell me it was a good nickname.

  
I looked up as Gethorn approached me, a wry grin on his lips. I flung his cloak over his shoulders, giving him a pointed look when he rolled his eyes.

  
"Be safe," I said, fastening the clasp with shaking hands. "Stick close to Solas and Cassandra and remember to listen to Solas when you get to the breach."

 

“Yes, Mamae,” he sighed.

“Don't you start that shit, too,” I spat.

“But you act like you're my Mamae,” he teased.

“Which is what a good older asa'ma'lin does,” I said. I heard Sola's snicker as he approached us and shot him a glare as well that he only smiled at.

“We should head out, Herald,” he said. Gethorn nodded and bent down, giving me a firm hug. I gave the boy a parting kiss on the cheek before releasing him and watching him move towards Cassandra.

“Take care of him,” I told Solas who smiled and nodded.

I stood at the gate, watching the party make their journey followed by the mages. Madison grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the Tavern, talking about getting food. My stomach was in knots as my friend set a bowl of stew before me and I just sat and sipped at the broth.

“You seem nervous there, Seer.” Came a deep, booming voice behind me. I looked over to see Iron Bull taking a seat on the bench beside me, folding his massive arms on the table.

“You're not?” I asked.

“Surely you know how this will end,” he said, brushing aside my question.

“I do,” I said. “But I don't know _everything_. There are always unknown factors.” Bull looked me over with his one eye, scratching his bearded chin.

“You're close to the Herald,” he said.

“I am,” I replied. “He's just a kid with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I like to try and be the calm in the storm for him."

“Well, the kid loves the shit out of you,” Bull said. “Anyone could see that.” I blushed and twirled my spoon in my bowl of soup. Bull watched me for a moment longer, looking a bit silly with his massive bulk perched on the bench next to my short self.

"You've won over a lot of people around here," Bull hummed. "People talk of the Mage Seer who is always ready to offer help to someone, no matter who or what they are. Who gave a group of grown men a talking to that left them feeling like scolded children." Bull grinned as I groaned, remembering the scene he was talking about. Things had been tense at Haven for awhile and the tension only got worse when the mages arrived. I had been in the Chantry with Cullen, discussing reports we had received and what to do with them when we had heard shouting from outside. I had dashed out the doors, Cullen hot on my tail to find the mages and Templar's squared off in two groups, facing each other and arguing loudly about who was at fault for the breach. Anger welled up in me and I stormed over to them as they bickered like children. My rage grew more when the two heads of these groups made to go at each other.

“ _ENOUGH_!” I had shouted, my voice cutting through the air like a knife. Everyone had frozen, turning their heads to look at me.

“You will stop this fighting, _now_!” I ordered, storming over to them, my cloak fanning out behind me as the wind whipped at my hair. “You are not Templar's or Mages any longer. You are all part of the Inquisition and it is beneath you to bicker like children amongst yourselves in front of a place of worship! How dare you!” They shrunk back as I stopped to stand between them, turning to one of the Templar's.

"You would _dare_ draw your sword against an ally?" I shouted before rounding on the mage. "And you would instigate this for an excuse to attack? You are adults, you are soldiers and you are the Inquisition! Now _act like it_!" I cast my furious gaze to each member of the groups.

“You will learn to live with each other or I swear by all the gods high and low, incarnate and not, I will make you hug it out like the children you are mimicking! Do I make myself _clear_?”

“Y-Yes ma'am,” came the stuttering chorus, followed by muttered apologies.

“I am curious, Madam Seer, how your inquisition will restore order as you've promised,” Roderick asked snidely as he strolled towards me from behind the crowd. Behind me, Cullen snorted.

“Of course you are,” he sighed before shouting, “You heard the Lady. Back to your duties, all of you.” I put my hands on my hips, watching them shuffle away, casting me apologetic looks as they went.

"And _you_ ," I spat, turning on Roderick. "How dare you instigate this feud! You are a man of God! It is time for you to grow up and put your petty rivalry aside! Or did you forget that there is a-bleedin' hole in the sky!?"

“I am trying to restore order,” Roderick argued.

“You are trying to fan the flames of a holy war because you are feeling put out!” I barked. “Put on your big boy pants and get over it! I swear to the Maker, if you don't knock your shit off I will travel to the council in Val Royeaux and make sure you are stripped of all rank and titles! I am over your bullshit!” With that, I had spun on my heel and stormed back into the Chantry, a grinning Cullen following. Once the door to Cullen's office was shut, he had fallen on his desk, laughing.

“Roderick was floored,” he guffawed. “And those men...Maker's breath, they looked like chastised school boys! I thought only Cassandra could do that!”

“I'm glad you found it amusing,” I had drawled, my anger fading, but still present.

“You ripped them to shreds,” Cullen chortled. “Maker, woman, do that again and I might have to marry you.” I arched a brow, looking at the Commander.

“Oh?” I purred. Cullen, having realized what he said, blushed.

“I just mean...any woman who can make grown men...soldiers no less, feel like children...she...uhm....would definitely be able to deal with my family and my undoubtedly hardheaded kids...” he stammered. “Wait...this is coming out wrong...” It was my turn to laugh as I rounded the desk and pulled the Commander into a hug.

“I know what you mean,” I had assured him. “I think.”

Bull tilted his head to the side, his blue eye raking over my face.

“Other's say you're just an abomination,” he said. “Perhaps a desire demon feeding off the Commander and the Herald.” I snorted.

“I've heard that one,” I said bitterly. “Roderick started it, I think. Most don't listen to him, though.”

“You're not worried about the ones that do?” Bull questioned.

“No matter what you do, someone will always be in the shadows, talking shit,” I said. Bull smirked and nodded his head, taking a swig of his ale.

“Ain't that the truth,” he muttered.

“Do you believe I'm an abomination?” I asked.

“Nah,” Bull said. “Though you are hard to read.”

“How so?” I questioned.

“Sometimes it's hard to tell if you really are such an upfront person, or if it's just an act to hide something,” Bull hummed, stroking his chin.

“She's really that upfront,” Madison said as he set his own bowl on the table and slid into the bench across from us. I looked up at my friend, noticing the stubble on his chin.

“You need to shave,” I told him.

“You don't like my beard?” he asked, rubbing his chin.

"I thought your wife hated..." I began but stopped. Madison's gaze dropped to the table, heavy with sorrow.

“I thought you two were married to each other,” Bull said.

“Maker, no,” I laughed, trying to break the tension my comment had caused. “I love Madison to death, but we're more like twins separated at birth.”

"I swear we are," Madison said with an eye roll. "It's kinda scary."

“So does that mean Cullen is the one jumping in your bedroll?” Bull asked with a leer.

"No one shares my bedroll beside the Herald, and he calls me 'Mom'," I said.

“Dirty!” Bull laughed. I reached over and slapped his shoulder as he gave me what I guessed was a wink.

“You mean to tell me that Cullen hasn't discovered if the carpet matches the drapes?” Bull asked.

“Nope,” I said. “Well, not with a visual. He knows my natural color is blonde.”

“Bet he'd like to see it for himself,” Bull purred and I noticed the weird way he glanced towards the door, shifting his posture slightly.

“He could always ask,” I teased. Madison looked up and choked on his stew, grabbing his napkin and covering his mouth with it. I looked towards the door to find Cullen standing there, his mouth dropped open.

"Oh, hey Cullen," I said with a grin. He glared at me while Bull and Madison snickered.

“Care to join us for a drink?” Bull asked.

"I was just coming to get Madam Seer," he said, formally. "I need her help with a report."

“Duty calls,” I sighed, standing and patting Bull on his massive shoulder. I waved to Madison and moved to Cullen's side, letting him lead me back towards his office.

“You shouldn't say things like that too much,” Cullen chastised me. “It will start rumors.”

“Oh, Maker, Cullen, there are already rumors that we fuck,” I said, dismissively.

“There are?” he asked, shocked.

“Of course,” I laughed. “That's supposedly why you trust me. I seduced you and now I've got you enamored with me and my wily ways. We make passionate love at night and in the morning, you do whatever I ask.”

Cullen groaned and scrubbed his face.

"I suppose our surreptitious love child will be secreted away sometime in the future," he grumbled. I laughed at this, putting my hand on his shoulder and trailing my fingers up his neck.

“But Cully, I wanna keep the baby,” I taunted, pressing my body against his. He rolled his eyes and pulled away from me, his ears red.

“You're going to make the rumors worse,” he hissed. I waved my hand flippantly.

"They would happen no matter what," I said. "For some reason, a man and woman can't spend time together without fucking. It's the same in any world. I can't simply enjoy your company without wanting to climb into your pants."

“You enjoy my company?” Cullen asked, surprised.

“Of course,” I said with a soft laugh. “You didn't think I just hung around you for your good looks, did you? You're very intelligent and I like spending time with you.” Cullen rubbed his neck nervously and shifted from one foot to the next.

“I enjoy your company, as well,” he said. “I didn't think I would, but talking to you is always so easy.” I smiled and reached out, pulling him into a hug. We stood in the door of the Chantry, embracing for a moment before we pulled apart and smiled at each other.

“Let's go look at that report,” I said, taking his hand and pulling him inside.


	9. The Herald Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad you guys like the schedule for updates!  
> I forgot to mention but 90% of the elvish references come from [Fenxshiral](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553883/chapters/7825850). She's amazing!  
>  _Words_ =elvish

I raced towards the gates, picking up my skirts when they twisted around my legs. Leliana had informed me that the breach was closed and Gethorn was making his way back to Haven. My heart beat wildly in my chest as the gates opened and I rushed out to where the Herald was limping towards the entrance, Solas helping to support him. I ran to his side, wrapping my arms around his lithe form and hugging him tightly.

“Are you alright?” I asked, fretfully, running my hands over him, looking for injuries.

"Closing the rift was draining," Solas explained. "He is tired but fine."

“Come,” I said. “We'll get you some food and then you can rest.”

“I have to talk to the advisers,” Gethorn protested weakly.

“It can wait,” I said. “Cassandra can tell them anything important. You need to rest.”

“I'm not hurt, Mamae,” Gethorn said with a breath of laughter as I cradled his face in my hands.

“If I'm your Mamae, why are you arguing?” I asked, taking his hand and pulling him towards his hut. “Do as I say, isha'len.” Gethorn looked at Solas pleadingly, but the elf only shook his head.

“I'm not getting in between the seer and her baby," he teased, his arms crossed. Gethorn rolled his eyes but followed me to his hut where I had a steaming bowl of stew and a fresh roll of bread waiting. He inhaled the food as I helped him out of his armor, stripping him down to his smalls, not that he cared. Gethorn had no sense of modesty and, in truth, neither did I. I had gone to several nude beaches and communal bathhouses and thought nothing of stripping down naked in front of other people.

I drew a warming glyph on a bucket of water and grabbed a rag, using it to gently clean the dirt from Gethorn's face and body while he finished eating. When he was done, I ushered him to bed, going over and stoking the fire so it chased away the last of the chill in the room. Gethorn slipped under the covers, lay in his bed for a moment before turning to me and letting out a soft whine.

“Lay with me?” he asked, peering at me over the covers. I smiled at him and set the fire poker aside.

“Of course, dear,” I said, stripping down to my breast band and smalls. I crawled into bed beside him, tittering as he arranged us so I was laying on my back and his head was pillowed on my breast. I lifted my hand to card through his hair and he let out a soft sigh.

“I don't remember much of my actual, Mamae,” Gethorn said. “She died shortly after I was born. But I remember how she smelled and how her touch felt. You smell and feel just like her.” I paused in stroking his hair, unsure of what to say.

“Does that upset you?” I asked, hesitantly.

“No,” Gethorn said. “It makes me happy, as strange as that sounds.”

“It doesn't sound strange,” I said. “It's natural to want a mother's comfort.”

"Does it upset you when I call you 'Mamae'?" he questioned, tracing his finger along my collarbone.

“No,” I said. “Does it upset you when I call you 'isha'len'?”

“No,” he said. “It makes me feel warm inside.” I smiled and turned my head, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He let out a small, content sigh and pressed closer to me.

“I wish you were my 'Mamae',” he said, his voice drowsy.

“Why's that?” I asked.

“Then I would have been happy,” he yawned.

“Were you not happy with your clan?”

“No,” he said. “They were always so strict, set in their ways. I was seen as an outcast.”

“They sent you to spy, though,” I pointed out.

“More to get rid of me than anything else,” he growled. “My older sister was all I really had, but even she got angry at how different I was.”

“There's nothing wrong with being different,” I said. “You're beautiful, just the way you are, my love.”

"Now that the breach is sealed, are you going to leave?" he inquired.

“Do you wish me to stay?” I queried.

"Yes," he said. "I...I love you. I don't want to...I want...Don't leave."

“I love you, Gaildahlas,” I said. “If you wish for me to stay, I will.” Gethorn tightened his grip on me in a hug before tilting his head back and pecking my lips in a purely platonic kiss. I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair. He lay his head back on my chest, closing his eyes. I was suddenly overcome with a wave of fatigue. I hadn't realized just how exhausted I was, but now, as Gethorn's breathing evened out, I found I couldn't keep my eyes open. I knew Haven would be attacked soon and had wanted Gethorn to get some rest and replenish his energy before that happened, but I found myself unable to fight sleep. I closed my eyes, figuring a brief nap wouldn't hurt. When the attack came, they would seek out the Herald and wake us both. With that last thought, I slipped off to sleep.

 


	10. Haven's Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _words_ = Elvish.

Loud banging jerked me out of my slumber and Gethorn and I stumbled out of bed. I ran to the door, tearing it open and found Cullen standing there. His eyes dropped to my state of undress and he blushed.

"Haven's being attacked," he said. "We need you and the Herald." I ran inside, grabbing my clothes and pulling them on. Gethorn did the same, fumbling with his armor until I batted his hands away and did it myself. I tossed the boy his daggers and snatched my staff and bag up. Cullen handed Gethorn a stamina potion while I chugged down lyrium. I gagged at the taste. It was thick and tasted like a mix of spearmint and iron. Gethorn, Cullen and I all raced to the gates of Haven, meeting up with the others. 

“It's a massive force,” Cullen said. “The bulk of which is coming over the mountain.”

“Under what banner?” Josephine asked.

“None,” Cullen said.

“None?” Josephine parroted. Gethorn approached the gates, eyeing them at the sounds of fighting outside. There was a sudden burst of light and they shook violently before a voice on the other side called out;

"I can't come in unless you open!" Gethorn and I looked at each other, then rushed forward, hefting the heavy bar up and tossing it aside. We flung the gates open and ran out, Cullen on our tail, his sword drawn. A red Templar moved towards up, his sword stained with blood. He stopped, letting out a choked cry and falling to the ground to reveal Cole. The game had been almost spot on when it came to Cole, from his gaunt face to his dirty clothes. One thing they didn't depict, was that he shimmered. It was like someone had whipped him down with a fine layer of subtle glitter so his skin, hair, and eyes all shone slightly. Gethorn walked slowly towards him, Cullen following while I remained behind. I didn't want Cole to read me. I had no idea what he would see and I didn't want him telling my secrets.

“I'm Cole,” he said, his voice urgent. “I came to warn you. To help! People are coming to hurt you! You probably already know...”

“What is this?” Gethorn asked in a harsh voice. “What's going on?”

“The Templar's come to kill you,” Cole said.

“Templar's!” Cullen cried, disbelievingly, making Cole jump back. “Is this the Order's response to talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?” I moved forward, taking Cullen's arm to calm him. He lowered his sword and stepped back from the frightened boy, turning to Gethorn.

“The Red Templar's went to the Elder One,” Cole explained. “You know him! He knows you, you took his mages and some of his Templar's.” Cole extended his arm, pointing up to a rocky ridge on the mountain.

"There," he said. I looked to where he was pointing, watching as Samson stood there, his sword drawn with the Elder One moving to his side. Corypheus was a monstrous sight to behold, far worse than what the games had shown. It was as if someone had started to make a person, never having seen one, and gave up halfway through. Bones and muscles lay bare, uncovered by torn flesh that stretched awkwardly over his body. His face was twisted, pulled to the side so his mouth was longer on one side than the other. He wore the tattered remnants of a mage robe, the feathered mantle covered his shoulders while the skirt hung off his exposed pelvis bone. He looked down at us disdainfully, his eyes glowing red. 

“He's very angry you took his mages and Templar's,” Cole said.

“Cullen, give me a plan, anything,” Gethorn said as he watched the massive force march towards us.

“Haven is no fortress,” Cullen said. “If we are to withstand this monster, we must control the battle.”

“We can't,” I said, and the three men turned to me. “We can't win this. We need to start evacuating the civilians. If we don't, they'll die.” Gethorn and I looked at each other and my heart broke.

“He's so young, so sweet,” Cole said. “I love him and I have to send him off to fight. I hate this, hate that I can't save him, hate that...”

“Enough, Cole,” I said. “My mind is not a well you can dip in and drink whenever it pleases you.”

“I'm sorry,” Cole said. “You're very loud.”

“We don't have an evacuation plan,” Cullen argued, looking at me desperately.

“We do,” I said, emotionless. “I discussed one with Leliana.”

“Mamae,” Gethorn breathed, reaching out and enfolding me in his arms. “Go, take whoever you can. Evacuate the people of Haven. The soldiers and I will stay behind and fight.” I nodded and cupped his cheeks, pecking his lips quickly before turning back to Haven.

“Get out there and hit that force, use everything you can,” I heard Cullen say and my heart seized in my chest. As I passed the gates, I grabbed Madison's hand, pulling him with me to Leliana.

“We need to get all the civilian's out,” I said. “Now.” She nodded and began shouting orders at her scouts as I explained to Madison where the path was.

“I need you to gather as many people as you can,” I said. “Tell them to only take what they need.” He nodded and dashed off, his bow ready. I pulled my staff from my back and turned to find Blackwall standing nearby. I called to him, jogging to his side.

“You're with me!” I yelled over the noise. “We need to gather as many people as we can and get them out of Haven. Come on!”  
Blackwall nodded and followed as I ran through the camp, seizing anyone I found and helping them stuff their belongings into packs and blankets. We guided a small group of people to the path before going back for more. I fired off one spell after another as the Red Templar's began to scale the walls, the sound of Blackwall's sword slamming into one enemy after the next creating an almost deafening roar that I strained to hear past, trying to listen for cries for help. I heard my name called and spun around to see little Iseya running towards me, a Templar hot on her tail. I quickly froze him in a block of ice as I stooped down, scooping the little girl into my arms.

"WATCH OUT!" Blackwall cried and I looked back to see another Templar baring down on me. My mind blanked and I suddenly couldn't think of a single spell as panic swelled in me. I spun around, hunching over Iseya to shield her with my body. There was a pained grunt, followed by a wet gasp. I heard Blackwall cry out and move closer to me, followed by more sounds of violence. I looked up, confused at the lack of pain and found Blackwall slaying the Templar while Roderick fell to his knee's, clutching his bleeding stomach. 

“Roderick?” I gasped.

“Are you alright, Madam Seer?” he asked with a grimace.

“You saved me?” I asked, still clutching Iseya tightly against my body. He gave me a strained smile and nodded. Cole appeared at my side, reaching out and helping Roderick to his feet.

“I will take him to the others,” he said. “You gather more people.” I nodded and turned to Blackwall.

“You cover my back,” I said. “I'll clear our front.”

"I'm with you, Madam," he said. We made our way through Haven, grabbing any stragglers we found. I handed a sobbing Iseya off to another woman, telling her to watch her. Iseya had shrieked in anger when I had done this, but I had assured her I wouldn't leave her, explaining that I needed my hands free to protect her. I blasted the door off the tavern, finding Flissa trapped under a burning beam. I had put the fire out while Blackwall heaved the beam up enough for Flissa to move. I reached into my bag, tossing her a health potion while I downed a vial of Lyrium. My Magic was running low and my movements were becoming sluggish. The Lyrium hit me like a double-shot express laced with cocaine and I felt mana surge through me. I tossed a stamina potion to Blackwall, who tore the cork out with his teeth and tossed it back like a shot of whiskey. He gave a shudder before taking his place at our backs and calling for us to move. 

I watched in horror as more Templar's poured through holes in the walls, swords, and armor stained with red. Fire blasted from my hands, sending the Templar's flying. I raced towards the Chantry, the roar of Corypheus' dragon making the ground shake. Cullen was waiting at the doors, guiding everyone to the back of the Chantry where another door would lead them to the escape route. 

“We have to go,” he said, urgently.

“But the people!” I argued, moving to return to the village.

“We've run out of time!” Cullen shouted, grabbing my arm. “You have saved countless, but we can't wait any longer.”

“I'll go help Gethorn!” I insisted, tossing back another vial of Lyrium.

“Gethorn told me to get you out of Haven, by any means necessary,” Cullen said, pulling me closer to him so he towered over me, his eyes boring into mine to show me just how serious he was.

“You can't be serious!” I cried. “I am not going to let you drag me-CULLEN!” I shrieked as Cullen dropped to one knee, flinging me over his shoulder and following the others while Blackwall secured the Chantry doors behind us. I beat on Cullen's back with my fists, kicking my legs wildly.

"Put me down!" I cried. "I have to help him! Put me down!" Cullen pinned my legs with one arm, holding my waist over his shoulder with the other as he completely ignored my struggles. I was incredibly surprised that he had the strength to carry me so effortlessly. I wasn't a skinny mini, and years of physical labor had made me stronger than the average woman my size. After a while, I stopped my struggles, having exhausted myself, and hung limply over Cullen's back, sobbing. 

When we were a certain distance away, Cullen had a scout send a fire arrow up into the sky. 

“Put me down, Cullen,” I said, softly.

“Are you going to go running back to Haven?” he asked.

“There is no Haven anymore.” I slid from his grip as he paused and turned, watching as an avalanche descended from the mountains, covering everything in its path. The wooden guard towers fell, homes breaking apart, unable to stand the force of the snow. I turned from the sight, unable to watch Haven be buried. Madison reached out, pulling me into a tight hug without a word. I clutched at his back, a wail bursting out of my throat.

“He's fine,” Madison whispered in my ear.

“What if he's not?” I asked.

“Have faith,” he said, giving me a firm squeeze.

“Come on,” Cullen said, his voice harsh. “We need to get as far from here as we can and make camp.”

The group began walking, making their way up the mountain. I noticed a few people were giving me angry glares and it wasn't hard to guess what they were thinking. If I was a Seer, why hadn't I seen this and saved them? I ignored the looks, keeping close to Madison, who offered me silent support.

As we trekked, I lagged behind, drawing temporary warming glyphs in the snow. Each time I would stop, Madison would stop with me, his blue eyes watching me intently.  
Eventually, the snow picked up and we were forced to stop and make camp, setting up tents in a small space between two jagged cliffs. The other mages joined the healers, tending to the wounded, but I stayed up at the mouth of the chasm, watching the landscape. I could vaguely see my warming glyphs glowing faintly through the haze of snow and prayed to any god that was listening the Gethorn could find them. I wasn't sure how long I was standing there, but I guessed it must have been hours. Madison brought me warmed milk and bread, draping a blanket around my shoulders. At one point, Solas came over, leaning heavily on his staff as he stood beside me.

“ _Come sit by the fire_ ,” he said, gently. 

“ _I'm fine_ ,” I responded distractedly, my eyes scanning the landscape. 

_“You're shivering_ ,” Solas pointed out, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. As his warmth seeped into my skin, I realized how cold I was. I stooped down, drawing a warming glyph at my feet before resuming my vigil. Solas watched this with a critical eye, taking a step closer to me.

“ _Do your seer's powers not let you see if he's okay?_ ” he asked.

“ _I know he's alive,_ ” I said. “ _I just don't know if he's okay_.” My voice broke and tears poured down my cheeks, freezing against my skin. 

“ _Falon, come to the fire_ ,” he urged, brushing my hair back from my face. I shook my head.

 _“I can't-..._ ” My eyes grew wide as I saw one of my glyphs flair to life, a silhouette crouching down as it heated the air around it before traveling to the next one. The cup in my hands fell to the ground, the last of the milk splashing out on the snow. I tore out of Solas' grip, dashing out towards the figure, cursing as my feet sank into the snow. I kept my gaze on the figure, my heart seizing as their movements slowed, becoming sluggish as they fought to keep going. Eventually, they collapsed, falling into the snow in the middle of one of my glyphs which sparkled brightly. I heard my name called, but ignored it, fighting my way to the person, my heart thudding wildly in my chest. Cullen called out to me, his voice getting closer. My skirts and cloak became soaked with snow so I lifted them up, moving them out of my way, not caring that my bare legs were now exposed to the cold. As I got closer, I could make out a head of wild silver hair and picked up my pace.  
It seemed like an eternity before I was kneeling at his side, rolling him over ever so gently. Gethorn's violet eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me weakly.

“ _Mamae_ ,” he breathed. “ _You saved me..._ ”

“ _Hush now,_ isha'len,” I said, putting my hands on his chest and casting my magic out to search for wounds. He was in bad shape. Every inch of exposed skin was bruised, his arm was broken and he had a concussion. Blood stained his hair in a tacky mess while his clothes were torn and wet. 

“Maker's breath,” Cullen gasped, racing over to my side. “We have to get him back to camp.” I nodded and stepped back, watching as Cullen stooped down and lifted the elf into his arms bridal style.

“Be careful,” I fretted. Cullen gave me a look, but turned and started trekking back towards camp. I led the way, casting a barrier around us to try and keep the wind away. I was exhausted, my magic depleted, my body sore and I could tell by looking at Cullen that he was in much the same state. I reached to my side, finding my bag still there and dug in it for some potions. I forced Gethorn to swallow a health potion before giving Cullen a stamina draught. I was out of Lyrium, having given the ones I had to the healers. I realized we had gone at least a mile from camp and it would be quite a journey back. I began to sing as we went, belting out any song that came to mind, not caring about being in tune just using it as a distraction from the pain and bitter cold. I sang Disturbed's Sound of Silence, Lauren Alaina's Road Less Traveled, Daughtry's Superman, Five Finger Death Punch's Wrong Side of Heaven, Celine Dion's That's the Way It Is. When I couldn't think of more songs I moved to Disney songs, Tale as Old as Time, Prince Ali, A Whole New World, You'll Be in My Heart, Part of Your World and Hakuna Matata. Cullen smiled at me a few times, no doubt finding humor in the songs, but I kept going. The singing kept my mind off the cold and the pain and the utter exhaustion. My side throbbed and I gasped for breath.  
After what seemed like an eternity, we made it to camp. Cullen rushed Gethorn to the Healers tent and I followed. Madison appeared behind me as I began stripping Gethorn's wet clothes off, uncovering more injuries. Solas joined me, tossing back Lyrium before setting to work. We worked together, Solas healing the more complicated injuries while I worked on the others since he was a better healer than I was. I poured magic into Gethorn, my hands shaking as I did.

“Madam Seer,” Dorian said as he joined us. “You have to stop.”

“Why?” I asked, not looking up from what I was doing.

“You're out of mana,” he said. “You're drawing on your life force.” 

“Then get me Lyrium,” I ordered.

“Falon,” Solas said, stopping his casting and moving to my side. He grabbed my hands, using his own mana to dispel mine. It was like he sucked out all my energy, leaving me feeling drained and empty. I opened my mouth to argue, but the world spun harshly. I quickly grabbed a waste bucket, vomiting up milk and lyrium, the thick potion not tasting any better coming back up than it did going down. My eyes watered as my stomach heaved until it had nothing left to give, the pain in my side growing worse. Madison was at my side, tipping water into my mouth and wrapping an arm around me for support. I rinsed my mouth out, spitting into the bucket. I moved to stand, intent on finding lyrium and rejoining the effort to heal Gethorn. As I did, my body sagged and I used every ounce of strength I had to try and stay on my feet. My vision went dark and I locked my knee's, trying to remain upright. My name was called, but it sounded like cotton filled my ears. I felt arms around me and knew from the scent of Elfroot and parchment that it was Solas. My body gave out and I fell into Solas' arms, unconscious.


	11. Blame Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger from the last chapter! I'm also trying to work on one sketch for each chapter. I have one for chapter one but I just so busy with my real life job, being my own beta, finishing up this story and all kinds of other fun things.   
> Thanks for all the Kudo's and comments!

I came to, aware of a warm body pressed against mine, a head pillowed on my chest and an arm around my waist. I let out a small moan as I opened my eyes, looking down and finding Gethorn wrapped around me, dozing. At my shifting, his eyes shot open and he looked at me, angrily.

“Don't ever do that again,” he said in a harsh tone.

“Do what?” I asked, confused about what he could mean.

“Put yourself in danger,” he hissed, propping himself up on his elbow.

“I was trying to save you,” I groaned, putting my arm over my eyes.

“You almost died, Mamae,” Gethorn bit out.

“Don't be dramatic,” I huffed, rolling my eyes. “I just used too much mana.”

“You were stabbed!” Gethorn shouted, sitting up fully. I jumped, looking at him in complete bewilderment.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “I wasn't injured.” Gethorn reached out, lifting my blouse to expose my side. I looked down, ignoring the stretch marks, my eyes zeroing in on the long silver scar that went from my hip to my ribs.

“When did that happen?” I asked, shocked.

“According to Blackwall, you got it fighting a Templar and trying to save Flissa,” came Solas' soft voice. “He said you seemed unaffected by it, so he initially thought the blade missed. Because of the dark color of your blouse, no one was able to see the blood. On top of draining your mana to dangerous levels, you almost bled to death. The cold slowed it down enough to save your life.” He stood at the opening of the tent, giving me a strange look, almost as if he was worried, but that didn't make sense. I was nothing to him but another human.

“You...you almost died, Mamae,” Gethorn croaked, eyes glistening. I reached up, cupping his cheek, my thumb stroking his skin.

“So did you, Fenor,” I said. He shook his head, covering my hand with his own as he leaned into my embrace, violet eyes slipping shut and pushing his tears out to bead on silvery lashes.

“No,” he said. “You saved me. I found your bag of potions. Your warming glyphs kept me from freezing and when I couldn't go on anymore, you were there.”

“Cullen was the one who carried you,” I said, blushing.

“But you were the one who led him to me,” Gethorn argued. “He told me how you took off running into the snow and he chased you, thinking you were mad.” I smiled at him, trailing my fingers over his cheek. 

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you,” I returned. He lay back down and I turned on my side, wrapping my arms around him. We lay there, holding each other, drifting in and out of sleep. I awoke to choke down another health potion and drink some broth, helping Gethorn do the same. He scowled and gave me a dirty look as I tipped the vial into his mouth, annoyed at being woken up, but I ignored this.  
I understood he was frustrated. The advisers and Cassandra had been arguing for hours near our tent and there was no way to block the sound, even when Madison had hissed at them to keep it down and draped a cloak over the door of our tent, their raised voices kept us from sleeping deeply.

I flopped back on the bed with a heavy sigh while Gethorn grumbled and rubbed his face against my chest.

“Shhh, you need to rest,” came Mother Giselle's gentle voice. I looked over at her, arching a brow before casting my gaze meaningfully at the, now uncovered, door.

“They've been at it for hours,” Gethorn whined, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“A luxury they have because of you,” Giselle said with a nod of her head. “The enemy could not follow. And with time to doubt, we turn to blame. Infighting may threaten us as much as this Coreypheus.” 

“The only thing yelling gets us is another headache,” Gethorn grumbled, rubbing his temples as he sat up. I sat behind him, smoothing my hands over his back.

“They know,” Giselle said, her voice low and soothing. “But our situation...your situation, is complicated. Our leaders struggled because of what we survivors witnessed. We saw our defender stand...and fall. We saw the woman who was to save our future, fail to see the enemy on the horizon.  We saw our seer save every civilian and our leader, who rose from the ruins of Haven. The more the enemy is beyond us, the more miraculous your actions appear and the more our trials seem ordained. That is hard to accept, no? What we have been called to endure, what we, perhaps, must come to believe.” Gethorn's brow furrowed.

“Our seer almost died saving us,” Gethorn bit out, angrily. “How can they...”

“Gethorn, it's fine...” I soothed. He sighed heavily and stood, leaning against a post and shaking his head. I rose to my feet as well, noticing that my clothes had been changed and I now wore breeches and a tunic. I walked up behind him, laying my hand on the back of his arm and peering up at him.

“I just don't see why it matters what I believe,” he sighed.

“Because it gives them hope,” I said.

“Hope,” Gethorn snorted, his eyes watering. “Hope almost got you killed. Hope almost got me killed. Coreypheus is a very real, physical threat.” Gethorn hung his head, his eyes focused, glaring at the ground as if the snow and slush that surrounded his bare toes was the reason for this melancholy that seized him. I rubbed his back, my fingers tickling his skin. He sighed and gently shrugged my hand off, walking away from the tent.

“Gethorn,” I sighed, my hand still outstretched.

“You!” shrieked an angry voice and I spun around to find Cassandra storming towards me.

“You knew,” she hissed, seizing my arm. “Why didn't you tell us?”

“I told enough people to make it count,” I said. “If we had moved, they would have followed and we may all have died. I did what I could to prepare us!”

“We trusted you,” Cassandra seethed. “We thought you cared.” My mouth fell open at the accusation. I knew Cassandra was angry and felt the need to blame someone, but it was one of the cruelest things she could have said to me. A tidal wave of emotion rose up in me at her hurtful words and I lashed out.

“I did the best I could!” I snarled, wrenching my arm from her grip. “Do you think I wanted to send Gethorn out into that madness alone? Do you think I liked having to let you all risk your lives, not sure if what I had done would change the future enough that one of you might die? Do you think I like having to sit by and watch as those I care about put themselves in the middle of situations I know I could stop, but can't because things have to play out?! You can take your anger out on me, you can lay the blame firmly on my shoulders because you can't find another target, but don't you dare accuse me of not caring!” I was screaming, tears stinging my eyes as my anger reached its crest and the very real threat of losing everyone I loved, even Madison, crashed into my with a breath-stealing intensity.

“It's true, Cassandra,” Leliana said, stepping up behind the furious woman. “All the casualties were soldiers, people who would have died fighting, no matter how good or bad our defenses.”

“And without the potions and glyphs she left behind as well as her constant vigil for him, the Herald would have died, according to Solas,” Josephine put in.

“She almost died to save me,” Gethorn snapped, having heard the argument and come over to me. “We almost lost her...”

Cassandra stared at me, her expression tormented. She wanted to blame me because it seemed logical because I was supposed to be the end all, be all answer to their problems. But I hadn't been, no more than the Herald had when they watched an avalanche of snow come down on Haven and bury him. Because in the painful moment when the mountain gave way when the Chantry was buried, she was reminded that the Hero's, the ones who were supposed to save them all, were painfully mortal.

“I will not stand for any accusations against our Seer,” Cullen said loudly, his expression stern. “If you have concerns, address them to me. But you all owe her your lives. Remember that.” I smiled at Cullen weakly, my anger fading and leaving behind exhaustion. He took my hand, his head held high and his amber gaze sweeping over the faces of those gathered around. I looked out and saw more than a few guilty looks cast my way. I knew some must have blamed me, but it seemed in the wake of the adviser's defense, people shrunk back.

I heard the soft crunch of snow that seemed to echo in the now silent camp as everyone turned to us, waiting for an answer.  
“Shadows fall  
 And hope has fled  
 Steel your heart

 The dawn will come,” Giselle sang in a sweet, contralto voice that rang out in the camp. She walked towards us, her head down and her eyes closed. I cast my gaze around as the others in the camp looked up, watching the Mother.  
“The night is long  
 And the path is dark  
 Look to the sky  
 For one day soon  
 The dawn will come,” Giselle continued, walking into the middle of our little group and moving to stand between Gethorn and I, her dark eyes turning to the muddy ground. 

“The shepherd's lost  
 And his home is far  
 Keep to the stars  
 The dawn will come,” Lelianna joined in, her sweet Mezzo-soprano adding to the hymn. I watched as the soldiers near us join in as well, a wave of people standing and singing along to the familiar tune.

“The night is long  
 And the path is dark  
 Look to the sky  
 For one day soon  
 The dawn will come,” Cullen's tenor joined the song, the rest of Haven's soldiers and it's civilian's rising with him. 

“Bare your blade  
 And raise it high  
 Stand your ground  
 The dawn will come,” I watched as people moved closer to the Herald and me, crossing an arm over their chest and tipping their heads in a respectful military bow before falling to one knee. Those behind them followed suit and soon, everyone was kneeling before us, pledging their alliance.

“The night is long  
 And the path is dark  
 Look to the sky  
 For one day soon  
 The dawn will come.” The song faded out and a gentle flow of conversation began. Giselle turned her gaze to the two moons of Thedas glowing brightly in the sky.

“An army needs more than an enemy,” she said. “It needs a cause.” Giselle walked out into the bustle of merriment that had seized the camp, the sounds of laughter and storytelling flowing easily in the wake of the tension that had befallen.

“A word?” Solas asked, walking away from the camp. Gethorn and I followed, stopping at a torch that stuck out of the snow, it's placement strange. Solas waved his hand over it and veil fire flared to life, licking at the air as his fingers danced out of its reach. 

“The humans have not raised one of our people so high for ages beyond counting,” he remarked, blue-gray eyes staring into the flames. “The faith is hard won, letha'len, worthy of pride, save one detail.” I gave a small smile, tilting my head to the side and staring at him.

“The threat Coreypheus wields, the orb he carried...”

“It is elven,” I said, easily. Solas's eyes shot to me, hardening slightly. 

“Yes,” he said carefully. “Coreypheus used the orb to open the breech. Unlocking it must have caused the explosion at the conclave. We must find out how they survived. And we must prepare for their reaction when they learn the orb is of our people.”

“What is it and how do you know about it?”Gethorn asked,

“Such things were foci, said to channel power from our gods,” Solas said evasively. “Some were dedicated to specific members of our pantheon. All that remains are references in ruins and faint visions in the Fade. Echoes of a dead empire. But however Corypheus came to it, the orb is elven and with it, he threatens the heart of human faith.”

“Their blame won't matter if we can't get out of this wilderness,” Gethorn sighed, running his fingers through his hair, casting his gaze out at the wide expanse of trees and snow.

“That is the immediate problem, and it offers a solution that may secure your place in their hearts,” Solas hummed, his hands clasped behind his back. “You saved them at Haven, perhaps you can again.” Laughter bubbled in my throat as I recognized one of the most iconic scenes of the game. Solas turned his penetrating gaze on me, his head tilting slightly.

“Skyhold,” I said, looking at Solas, my eyes sparkling.

“Indeed,” Solas replied, his lips quirking in a smirk. Gethorn looked between us, arching a silver brow.

“I feel like I'm left out of some grand joke,” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You must scout to the north,” I said. “You will be our guide.”

“By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus has changed it, changed you,” Solas explained. “But there is a place that waits for a force to hold it, a place where the Inquisition can build, grow.”

“It will be perfect, Solas,” I sighed, dreamily, already envisioning the towering battlements and imposing throne, the fan-girl in me positively giddy at the thought of seeing the grandness of Skyhold.


	12. To Skyhold

As it turned out, the montage-esque cut-scene of the journey to Skyhold couldn't properly convey just how difficult of a journey it truly was. We were stalled by the injured, forced to wait until most of them where in traveling shape. We would travel by day, our night guards sleeping as best they could in carts draped with dark cloth. By night we camped, trying not to make too much of an impact on our surroundings lest we be followed. When we dismantled the camps, it was always the job of mages to cover the bare grounds and latrine troughs with snow to hide our tracks. Gethorn and I stayed in the front, going ahead of the group to find the most efficient routes. Madison and Varric stuck with us the most, though it wasn't uncommon for them to wander off into the woods, quickly followed by Sera and return with a large game kill. Gethorn would join them as often as he could, casting me a pleading look that I always gave an indulgent nod to before turning back to scout.

Blackwall seemed more relaxed with me, at times wandering up to my side to chat. He apologized for not realizing I was wounded, but I had waved it away, telling him it was not needed. If I hadn't even known I was injured, how could I expect him to? Vivienne still gave me wide birth as she had when she was first told of me and my powers, but now Josephine, who had seemed intimidated by me, made attempts to become friends. Though I had no head for politics or her with magic, we found common ground when I began explaining 'social networking' to her and how it was used. She found the concept fascinating and asked tons of questions, which I tried to answer as unbiasedly as possible. Cole was fascinated by me, to the point that Varric taunted me with the prospect of a crush on his part. I knew this wasn't true the from times the boy has appeared at my side when no one was around, gazing at me in awe as he murmured to himself.

“So bright, brilliant, blinding,” he had sighed once, looking at me dreamily. “Love, such love. It's like a warm blanket on a cold winter's night. You love him, you love Gethorn. You love Madison, Cullen, Solas, Varric...all of them. Even when they frustrate you, you love them. Leliana makes you frustrated with her suspicion and the looks she gives you, but you love her anyway because you've seen the kind of person she can be. 

You wished you could save everyone, but you couldn't, and even though you know that, it's made all the harder because they're people. Because Caelus always called you 'Ma'am' and tipped his helmet to you. Because Jan's wife is pregnant and so kind and sweet. Because Paolo used to dance with you around the fire when Rigberto took up his fiddle. And now they're gone. Now there will be no more tipped hats or dancing or fiddle and Lippa is alone, crying out her sorrow and it hurts so bad. I'm making you sad...” I reached up, discovering, with a start, that I was crying as Cole voiced the torrent of emotions I had held at bay. 

“I didn't want to make you sad,” Cole whimpered fretfully, wringing his hands.

“You didn't,” I assured him. “It's just very sad on its own. It hurts, but tears heal it. It's healthy to cry, people need to cry.”

“You don't like to cry, you have trouble crying,” he said. “When you cried, it led to pain. When you cried...it was worse.”

“Yes,” I said, sagely. “But it doesn't any longer.”

“Old habits die hard,” he said, tilting his head to the side.

“They do,” I said. Cole opened his mouth to say something and I gazed at him, feeling a calm wash over me. He vanished and I was left alone in the woods, changing my tunic for my now washed blouse since it was warmer, wondering what the boy had been thinking.

I found out later that night when I was sitting by the fire, little Iseya in my lap, making a crown out of some flowers I had found the woods. Cullen approached me, asking me for a private word. I excused myself, urging Iseya to stand so I could follow the burly commander. He led me out of camp, ducking behind some currently unused tents, giving a cursory glance to ensure we were alone.

“Is everything alright?” I asked, concerned.

“I was going to ask you that,” he said, arching a golden brown and looking down at me.

“I don't understand,” I said.

“Haven was hard, on all of us,” he began. “We've all had our foul-tempered moments, moments where we weep and require comfort, but not you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, breathlessly.

“I've watched you,” he admitted. “You're so concerned with taking care of everyone else, most days you don't eat, you just pretend to. You don't cry or mourn, but you're still there for anyone who wants a shoulder.”

“You say that like it's a bad thing,” I said with a laugh. Cullen didn't smile, he just gazed at me levelly with his honey colored eyes, his mouth twisted into a scowl.

“It's not a bad thing to take care of others,” he said carefully. “But not at the risk of yourself.”

I stared at Cullen, not sure what to say. I plucked at my index finger, chewing my lower lip.

“Other's have come to me with their concerns as well,” he said.

“Who?” I asked. Cullen paused, then shook his head.

“It doesn't matter,” he said. I sighed heavily, running my fingers through my green locks, musing up the wild mess of curls. I missed having a hair dryer to tame the mess of ringlets.

“Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine,” I said. “I'll make sure to eat and sleep at night.”

“It's not about that,” he said.

“What do you want from me, Cullen?” I asked, frustrated.

“Honesty,” he said. 

“I've been honest with you!” I cried.

“Up until this moment, yes.” I let out an agitated noise and spun to return to camp, only to find myself trapped in his impossibly strong grip. He smelled of sweat and musk and potions. He clothes were a little dirty and it had been several days since he shaved, his facial hair having grown out enough to see the blond with hints of red. I froze, my hands still at my side as I was almost smothered by Cullen's broad chest.

“I'm sorry about Paolo and Rigoberto, I know you were particularly close to them,” he whispered. I lifted my hands slowly, wanting to push him away, but instead, I clutched at him, twisting his shirt between my fingers.

“I know how scared you were, waiting to see if Gethorn was alright, how angry you were at me for literally dragging you away,” he continued, his voice low and tender. “Are you still angry with me?”

“N-No...” I stammered, my voice catching in my throat as tears beaded on my lashes.

“You can cry,” Cullen said, rocking his body slightly.  The dam broke and tears poured down my cheeks, sobs spilling from my lips. It wasn't long before I was weeping bitterly into Cullen's arms. I wept for Paolo, Rigoberto, Caelus, Jan and all the others who hadn't made it out of Haven. I cried out the fear I had felt when Cullen had pulled me away from Haven, knowing that Gethorn's fate lay in the hands of God or the Maker or whatever and I was left with only the hope that I had done enough. I wept because watching the Herald collapse in the snow and cease his movements had stopped my heart. I wept because I was scared for my own life when I had drained my mana to dangerous levels enough that I passed out, not knowing I was slowly bleeding to death. I wept because this was all fucking real, these were real people with lives and families and names, instead of passing NPC's that I ignored. I wept because more would die before it was over and I could do nothing about it. Cullen sat down on a crate, pulling me into his lap and rocking us as he murmured to me, his gentle voice soothing me. I eventually had cried myself out and lay on him, hiccuping. Even though my eyes hurt and my chest was sore, I felt better. I hadn't realized how much I had bottled up my pain, pushed it aside and put off dealing with it so that I could be the strong one so that the others who were hurting would have a shoulder to cry on.

Cullen pulled his glove off with his teeth, his warm fingers brushing against my cheeks as he gave me an affectionate smile. I gave a yawn, pressing my cheek against his shoulder, filled with the sudden urge to sleep.

“No sleeping yet,” he chuckled. “You're going to eat tonight.”

“Can't I eat tomorrow?:” I complained. “I'm tired and I don't want the others to see me.”

“I'll bring some to your tent,” he said. “You can eat, then go to sleep.” I sighed and nodded, ducking around the tents before slipping into my own and changing into my nightgown. Cullen joined me, stooping down into the tent with a steaming bowl of stew. He sat next to me as I ate, suddenly ravenous when my body realized it was getting the first real food it had had in days. When I finished the food, he held his hand out for the bowel, but I paused, tracing my finger around the rim.

“Thanks, Cullen,” I said, sincerely. “For everything.” He smiled warmly.

“Your welcome,” he replied. I put the bowel aside, crawling to him and wrapping my arms around his neck in a tight hug. He froze for a second before returning the embrace, his face nestled in the crook of my neck, breathing deeply. I pulled back, placing a chaste kiss on his bearded cheek that made him blush darkly. He took the bowl, bidding me goodnight and I slept like a baby for the first time since Haven fell.


	13. Skyhold At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _words = Elvish_

Our journey continued to be difficult, but there was a shift in tone with our team. Cullen hadn't been the only one to notice my strange demeanor, but now that I had faced it and wasn't so focused on everyone else and suppressing it, I saw the worried looks shot my way. I became more aware of the random times Gethorn and Madison would pull me into their arms and hug me, offering comfort. Varric and Bull tried to keep our conversations light, cracking jokes and trying to make me laugh, While Blackwall offered silent companionship. Solas would casually tuck my hair behind my ear or rub my arm, speaking to me in whispered elvish. The others would often bring me food, encouraging me to eat and I felt guilty. I had been so wrapped up in ignoring my grief, I had worried everyone and never seen that they were taking care of me. I tried to express my gratitude, going so far as to one day throw my arms around Solas in a hug and whisper my thanks.

“ _For what, my friend?_ ” he asked innocently, a roll of sweet bread in his hand he had been encouraging me to eat.

“ _For taking care of me_ ,” I had said, my face hidden in his shoulder. He had chuckled softly, returning the embrace.

“ _Cullen spoke with you, then_?” he questioned, pulling back enough to trail his fingers along my cheek. I nodded, chewing my lip.

“ _I didn't mean to worry you,_ ” I said. “ _I just...it's hard for me to express grief when others are hurting. I don't want to be a burden_.” Storm colored eyes grew sad and he bent forward, his lips hovering over my brow.

“ _Friends are supposed to lean on one another in times of sorrow_ ,” he said, sagely. _“It was upsetting that you would not.”_

“ _I'm sorry_ ,” I whimpered. “ _I didn't mean to insult you. I just...I'm sorry._ ”

“ _You are forgiven_ ,” he said, brushing his lips over my brow. We stood like that, holding each other in the snow, letting the others pass us.

“ _I'll miss them_ ,” I said suddenly.

“ _You must keep them alive in your memory_ ,” Solas said. “ _Honor their sacrifice._ ”

“ _I will._ "

"Where's my hug?" Bull had bellowed, giving me a playful glare. I had laughed and run at the Qunari, jumping up and tackling him. He had easily caught me, letting me wrap my arms and legs around him and tightly hug him while the others laughed.

A few days later, we spotted Skyhold, the towering structure rising from the mountains like a beacon. The journey to its gates took another full day, but spirits were light. When we, at last, trekked across the bridge, there was a collective sigh of relief among the people. 

Skyhold wasn't much to look at from the inside. Time had done a number on the woodwork, though most of the stonework remained intact. Josephine began making lists of people to contact while Cullen and Varric gathered those who knew carpentry. Tents were set up and plans were made while we explored the extent of the damage at Skyhold and spent the first few days recuperating and planning. 

Josephine came to me as I helped to plan where things would go and who would have what quarters. She had pulled me to where Cassandra, Lelianna, and Cullen were all conferring in hushed voices.

“We were planning to make the Herald our leader,” she said, excitedly.

“I know,” I replied, which made Leliana roll her eyes.

“Of course you do,” the other woman had sighed. “So you know what we need of you?”

“You wish me to distract him while you set it up,” I guessed, my eyes moving to where Gethorn was inspecting the draw-bridge, having never seen such a massive one.

“Yes,” Cullen said. “Then bring him to the courtyard when we give you the signal.” I nodded and meandered off, dusting my breeches off as I casually walked towards Gethorn.

“Hey, Mamae,” he greeted. “This place is massive.”

“It is,” I agreed. “It will be a good place for the Inquisition.” I watched him climb up the draw-bridge's chain, much to the chagrin of a worker and chuckled.

“Come, isha'len,” I said. “You are bothering the workers. Let's go hunt for some herbs. The healers need more.” Gethorn huffed but followed me out of Skyhold and into the surrounding woods. I picked elfroot, witherstalk, and embrium, stowing them in the bag at my side while I kept an eye on the bridge. Gethorn chatted about this and that, excited about being able to get out of the bitter cold of the Frostback's. It wasn't long before I spied a scout walking to the end of the bridge. He glanced my way, nodding and tossing his hand up before turning and making his way back to the castle. 

“I think we have enough herbs,” I said, suddenly, motioning for Gethorn to follow me. “Let's get out of the cold.”

“Where will you be bunking, Mamae?” Gethorn asked, skipping to my side. “Can I still come cuddle with you?” I smiled at him. I had been sleeping in a tent with Madison and Cullen since we got to Skyhold and it got pretty cramped when Gethorn insisted on joining, snuggiling into my bedroll.

“Of course you can, da'isenatha,” I laughed. “And I'm not sure where I will bunk, yet. When Josephine figures it all out, she'll tell me.”

“I want your room near mine,” Gethorn said. “Can it be near mine?”

“Of course, Fenor,” I said. “I will talk to Josie.”

We entered Skyhold, the advisers and Cassandra all gathered in a group while people milled around the courtyard. Cassandra looked up, motioning Gethorn over with a nod of her head. Gethorn cast me a look and I nodded to the group, shooing him to Cassandra. He sighed and walked towards her while the advisers dispersed. I followed Josephine as she began alerting the people of what was about to happen. People gathered at the base of the stair leading to the throne room and I joined the forefront, standing between Cullen and Josephine as Lelianna offered Gethorn the imposing sword that would mark him as 'Inquisitor'. He looked out at the gathered people uncertainly, his violet eyes moving back to Cassandra. I didn't hear what he said, but her brows arched and she smiled at him, nodding her head. My heart swelled with pride as I watched this iconic moment play out, the air around us filled with hope. Gethorn reached out, taking the sword and staring at it. Cassandra said something, then stepped to the edge of the platform, looking down at Cullen, Josephine and myself.

“Have our people been told?” she asked.

“They have,” Josephine called, almost buzzing with excitement, “and soon, the world!”

“Commander, will they follow?” Cassandra shouted. Cullen moved before the group, turning to face them.

“Inquisition, will you follow?” he barked with all the commanding his station demanded. A loud cheer rose up in agreement with his questions.

“Will you fight?” he asked, raising one arm. A loud rabble of agreement met his statement and I felt the energy swell in me.

“Will we triumph?” Cullen cried before the wave of sound had fully died down, lifting his other arm, encouraging the people to shout their answers to the heavens. 

“Your leader, your Herald,” he shouted, pulling his sword from its sheath and pointing it to Gethorn in a full honors military salute, “your Inquisitor!” Gethorn brandished the sword, lifting it to the sky to show his acceptance of the position he was offered and the cheers reached a crescendo, becoming almost deafening. I joined in, pride swelling in my chest as I lifted my arm, cupping my hand around my mouth. At my side, Josephine was doing the same, the infectious energy of the masses having swept over her enough for her to drop her formal persona. Cullen lowered his sword, giving Josephine a wry grin. She flustered when she saw this, her dark cheeks burning with color as she dropped her arms and tried to compose herself. Cullen and I looked at each other, chuckling. I tore away from the group, dashing up the stairs. Gethorn lowered the sword and turned to me, catching me with his free arm when I flung myself into him, hugging him tightly as tears of pride slipped down my cheeks. I felt like a mother watching her child accomplish greatness and knew I would get teased mercilessly for this. Gethorn smiled down at me, suddenly looking much more grown up. 

“I'm proud of you,” I said. He beamed at this, watching the crowd disperse into small groups around the courtyard. Cullen and Josephine climbed to the platform while Cassandra excused herself. We began making our way to the previously unexplored throne room, forcing open the aged doors. A plume of dust erupted from the room and we all coughed, waving it away. Josephine looked distastefully at the piles of broken wood and mangled chandeliers. 

“So this is where it begins,” Cullen said, turning to get a full look at the room.

“It began in the courtyard,” Leliana corrected. “This is where we turn that promise into action.”

“But what do we do?” Josephine asked. “We know nothing about this Corypheus except that he wanted your mark.” All eyes turned to me and I smiled calmly. 

“You don't need me to tell you Corypheus' next move is assassinating Empress Celene,” I said.

“Imagine the chaos her death would cause,” Josephine said. “With his army...”

“An army he's growing,” Cullen pointed out. 

“Coreypheus could conquer the entire south of Thedas, god or no god,” Josephine finished. Leliana gave a heavy sigh.

“I'd feel better if we knew more of what we were dealing with,” her blue eyes landed on me and I let my shoulders roll in a shrug.

“I only know events, not the causes behind them,” I said. “I know no more of Corypheus than you do. I only know his target.” This was, of course, a lie. I knew a great deal about Coreypheus, but I didn't want to risk Varric telling Hawke he wasn't needed, so I kept silent.

“I know someone who can help with that,” came Varrics voice. We all turned to see the dwarf strolling towards us, sidestepping the wreckage. “Everyone acting all inspirational jogged my memory, so I sent a message to an old friend. He's crossed paths with Corypheus before and may know more about what he's doing. He can help.” Gethorn looked at me and I gave him a subtle nod, smirking at Varric.

“I'm always looking for more allies,” he said. “Introduce me.” Varric glanced around, seeming nervous.

“Er, parading around might cause a fuss,” he said evasively. “It's better for you to meet privately on the battlements.” Leliana and I shared a knowing look at this.

“Trust me,” Varric sighed. “It's complicated.” Varric shook his head and turned, leaving the room with his shoulders slumped.

“Well then,” Josephine said, turning to her clipboard like device. “We stand ready to move on both these concerns.”

“On your order, Inquisitor,” Cullen agreed.

“I know one thing,” Leliana sighed. “If Varric has brought who I think he has...Cassandra is going to kill him.” I smiled, clasping my hands in front of me.

“Let me deal with her,” I said. Leliana snorted but remained silent.

“Have I missed something?” Gethorn asked, looking at the advisers.

“No, dear,” I said with a smirk. “Not at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of fluffy and sweet to sooth the loss of Haven.


	14. The Champion Arrives

I walked through the courtyard, stopping at the Healers area to give them the herbs I had collected. The surgeon looked surprised when I handed them to her, green eyes wide.

“How did you know?” she asked. I smiled, tilting my head to the side. Realizing her mistake, she flushed and gave a short laugh.

“My thanks, Madam Seer,” she said. As I got closer to the battlements, I saw Gethorn leaning over them, waving wildly to me.

“Mamae! Mamae!” he called.

“What is it, isha'len?” I called back.

“Come here! There's someone I want you to meet!” he shouted. I chuckled and made my way to the steps.

“Coming,” I said. I climbed the steps a bit more slowly than I normally would have, my legs sore from the journey and all the exploring.

“Mamae!” came Gethorn's voice in an impatient whine.

“I'm coming, isha'len!” I snapped without any true malice. “I'm old, give me a break!”

“You're only thirty!” Gethorn said. I walked towards the steps that descended to the platform Gethorn was on. The elf bounced to the side of the stairs, reaching out and taking my hand. I smiled, letting him guide me down, my skirt bunched between my fingers. 

I had been forced to change when I had slipped and fallen in the mud and the only thing I had that was clean was the black dress I had been wearing when I arrived in this world. The boat neck exposed my still bruised shoulders, marks left over from the battle at Haven.

When I got to the bottom, Gethorn spun me towards his company, bowing with a flourish that made me titter.

“Mamae may I present the Champion of Kirkwall and his companions,” he said. My brow arched at this. In the game, Hawke had come alone. I looked up at the group, trying to maintain my calm facade even though on the inside I was giddy with fan-girl glee. 

“Garrett will be just fine, my Lady,” a deep voice said. Garrett Hawke was a handsome man indeed. The games had hardly done him justice, though the cinematic trailer had been damn near spot on. The only thing it hadn't captured was just how intense his liquid amber eyes were, almost glowing in the bright noon sun. His broad face was striking with the short beard accentuating his strong jawline. His black hair was a windswept mess that seemed to suit him. On his back was his trademark staff, a long blade, much longer than most staff's had, on one end and a gleaming red orb on the other. He was flanked by Fenris and Sebastion, and for that I was glad. Besides Aveline and Varric, I hadn't much cared for the other companions. Merrill's blood magic and denial of the forces she played with had irked me as had Isabella's blatant disregard for most people and things. Sebastion was very handsome with his clean-cut appearance, neatly combed auburn hair and intense blue eyes. He wore the same armor he had in the game, except a circlet graced his head, a sign that he had taken the mantle of the prince in Starkhaven. Fenris was an imposing sight. He was a bit more muscular than the game showed, broad shoulders and muscled arms covered in smooth mocha skin with the glowing lyrium tattoos. His silver hair was a wild mess on his head and green eyes, not as large as the game had shown, stared at me suspiciously.

I dipped a curtsy, a grin on my lips.

“A pleasure,” I said.

“Another mage,” Fenris snorted.

“I'm a nice one, I promise, Leto,” I said soothingly. His eyes grew wide and he scowled. Garrett grinned, reaching up and stroking his chin.

“Varric spoke of you,” he told me.

“Did he?” I asked, my gaze dropping to the dwarf who flushed and chuckled nervously. “Well, I assure you, anything he said was more than likely a lie.” Garrett arched one thick black brow at this.

“Really?” he asked. “So you're not a beautiful seer mage with a heart of gold.” I couldn't stop my mouth from dropping open. I could feel myself blushing at this and coughed nervously.

“Well, he does like to embellish,” I said with a soft laugh.

“Oh?” Garrett asked, taking a step closer to me. “From where I stand, you're definitely a mage, definitely a seer, definitely beautiful and considering Gethorn just spent twenty minutes telling us about what a wonderful person you are with Varric backing him up, I would say you certainly have a heart of gold.” I looked at Gethorn who was chewing on his lower lip.

“You were bragging about me, isha'len, were you?” I asked with a wry grin.

“Was I not supposed to, Mamae?” he asked, nervously. I shook my head letting out a breathy laugh.

“I have no more power of what you do and say then the stars in the sky, my love,” I said. “Though I think you give me too much credit for actions that you yourself made, if you wish to portray me as you do, it is your prerogative.” 

“Correct me if I'm wrong, my Lady,” Sebastion cut in, his expression curious, “but isn't 'Mamae' the elven term for 'Mother'?”

“It is,” I said. “You are trying to figure out how I could be his mother.” He nodded and I let out a short laugh that Varric echoed.

“Calling her 'Mom' is a running joke,” Varric said. “She likes to take care of everyone. And she's damn near adopted our orphan Inquisitor. If you can't find him, find her. He's more than likely got his head pillowed in her lap while she reads to him.”

“You make it sound like it's something bad, Varric,” I chastised. “Gethorn is still young and it's hard having the weight of the world on your shoulders. There's nothing wrong with him coming to me for some relaxation.”

“Far be it from me to piss on your mother-son bonding time,” Varric teased.

“Careful there, Varric,” I said. “Just remember, I know who you like to make bets with and I can make you a very poor man.” 

“Oooo, she's sassy!” Garrett exclaimed gleefully. Sebastion laughed while Fenris tried to suppress a grin. Varric smirked at me, knowing I wasn't serious with my threats and gave me a mock bow. I looked down at the courtyard, seeing Cassandra wandering around. I hadn't gotten to speak with her yet, but I knew I needed to do it soon.

“Is it true you made an entire army of grown men feel like naughty schoolboys?” Garrett asked, leaning towards me. I giggled.

“Varric loves to tell that story, and while I'm sure he embellished it, it is very true,” I confirmed. Garrett gave me a wicked grin, his gold eyes dancing with mirth.

“Shame you weren't at Kirkwall with us,” he said. “You could have scolded Meredith until she gave up and slunk back to her hole.”

“I doubt it,” I snorted.

“Well, you could have used your mystical seer powers to stop Anders, at least,” Garrett sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“How do we know your powers aren't just good guesses?” Fenris asked suddenly. “From Varric's notes, you can be frustratingly cryptic.” I turned to Fenris, my head tilted to the side.

“You said you didn't want those tattoos, but that's a lie,” I began. “You wanted them, you competed for them, Leto. And you used your boon to free your mother and sister. But being free was no boon for them. Your sister told you she thought you got the better end of the deal.” Fenris's jaw dropped.

“Do me,” Garrett said eagerly, like a child waiting for a present. “Use your seer powers on me.”

“That's a hard one,” I said. “Considering Varric wrote a bloody book about you.”

“There has to be something,” Garret urged. I thought for a moment before the answer came to me. It wasn't the best example, but it was the only thing I was sure Varric hadn't put in his book out of respect for Garrett.

“Your mother told you she was sorry for leaving you alone,” I said softly. “She said that you had always made her so proud.” Garrett fell silent, the mirth leaving his face.

“There was nothing you could have done,” I said. “There was no way you could have possibly saved her, no matter what you think, no matter how you blame yourself, no matter what Carver says to you in the heat of his anger, there was nothing you could have done.” Garrett stared at me for a moment, his amber eyes searching my face. His eyes closed slowly and his shoulders sagged slightly.

“Thank you,” he said. “I...thank you.” I smiled and stepped towards him, reaching out and taking his hand, my thumb brushing over the back in a comforting gesture. 

“Anytime,” I said. He gave my hand a squeeze as he smiled at me.

“So, how long are you guys staying?” I asked, releasing Garret's hand.

“Not long, I'm afraid,” Sebastion said. “It seems we won't be very welcome.”

“Now, now,” I said. “You boys have traveled a long way to help us. The least we can do is set you up for a time. You don't need to worry your pretty little heads about the welcome committee. I'll take care of that.” I winked, giving them a disarming grin.

“You'll take care of Cassandra?” Varric asked.

“As soon as I find her,” I said. “You may want to lay low until I do.”

“Don't need to tell me twice,” Varric grumbled. I pointed to the tower beside us.

“You guys can stay in there until I give you the all clear,” I said. “Gethorn, love, can you do me a favor?”

“Of course, Mamae,” he said. 

“Get them some food and ale,” I requested. “If anyone asks, Mamae wants to have a picnic.”

“Will do,” he said, racing down to the courtyard. I laughed at his enthusiasm and turned to the group.

“Wish me luck,” I said, jogging towards the steps.

“You'll need it,” Hawke called after me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ut-oh! How will our Seer deal with Cassandra? How will things go with Garrett Hawke being there?


	15. Enough!

As it turned out, finding Cassandra proved to be rather difficult. I checked the building she usually hung around but didn't find her. A search of the castle and grounds turned up nothing, either. I spent several hours searching until I saw a panicked Madison dashing towards me.

“Hawkes here?” he asked.

“He is,” I said. “Why?”

“Cassandra just _literally_ dragged Varric into the Smithery,” he hissed.

“Fuck,” I swore, picking up my skirts and tearing across the courtyard, Madison hot on my trail. I burst into the building, dashing up the steps to the loud commotion on the second story. Cassandra flung Varric into the railing, her expression furious.

“You _knew_ where Hawke was all along!” she cried. Varric shoved her away, glaring back at her.

“You're _damn right_ I did!” he snapped.

“You conniving little _shit_!” Cassandra hissed, taking a swing at him, which he ducked, dashing under her arm and quickly putting a table between them.

“You _kidnapped_ me! You _interrogated_ me! What did you _expect_?” Varric spat. I darted over to where they were, standing on the side of the table that put me between them.

“ _Enough_!” I cried, my voice like a crack of thunder. Cassandra's head shot up and she fixed me with a fierce and enraged look.

“You're taking _his_ side?” she all but shrieked.

“I SAID _ENOUGH_!” I yelled. Cassandra seethed, but calmed, walking around the table to my side. Varric joined her, keeping me between them.

“We needed someone to lead this Inquisition,” Cassandra began, still scowling. “Leliana and I searched for Hawke, but he was gone. We thought it all connected, but no. It was just you. You kept him from us!” Her lip curled up into a sneer as she spat the words at Varric. She turned to me.

“Hawke was our only hope! He was the Champion of Kirkwall, the mages respected him. And he kept him from us.”

“The Inquisition _has_ a leader!” Varric argued.

“Hawke would have been at the conclave!” Cassandra cried, frustrated. “If _anyone_ could have saved Most Holy...”

“ _No one_ could have saved Most Holy, Cassandra,” I said, looking at her. “ _No one_.” Her eyes grew wide and she looked at the ground.

“So I must accept...what? That the Maker wanted all this to happen?” she asked, pain evident on her face. “That He, That He...”

“I was protecting my friend!” Varric snapped.

“Varric is a liar, Madam Seer. A snake. Even after the Conclave, when we needed Hawke most, Varric kept him secret.” Cassandra sneered.

“He's with us now, we're on the same side!” argued Varric.

“We all know who's side you're on, Varric,” Cassandra growled. “It will _never_ be the Inquisition's.”

“That's Unworthy of you,” I said softly, my voice holding a hard edge. “Varric has _more_ than earned his place and you gave him little reason to trust you with the safety of his best friend.”

“But...” Cassandra began, but I held up a hand, leveling her with a stern look.

“I'm not done,” I said, sharply. “Hawke had no place at the conclave except to take up the grave beside the Divine and we will have great need of him in the future. If you wish to cast blame, you might as well throw your net a bit wider. I knew where Hawke was as well and didn't tell you.” Cassandra seemed to deflate, turning around and leaning on the table.

“Go Varric,” she sighed. “Just...go.” I watched Varric leave, giving him a short nod. I knew Madison was still waiting downstairs and would take care of him while I talked to Cassandra and calmed her temper.

“I... _believed_ him,” Cassandra said once Varric was gone. “He spun his story for me and I swallowed it. If I'd just explained what was at stake...If I'd just made him understand...But I didn't, did I? I didn't explain why we needed Hawke. I'm such a fool.” She walked across the room, sinking into a chair and putting her head in her hands.

“And if you had tracked Hawke down?” I asked gently, walking over and take a seat in a chair across from her.

“Honestly, Hawke might not even have agreed to become Inquisitor. He supported the mage rebellion and wouldn't have trusted me for a second,” Cassandra sighed, looking up at me. “But this isn't about Hawke or even Varric, not truly. I should have been more careful. I should have been smarter. I don't deserve to be here.”

“You're too hard on yourself,” I said kindly, reaching out and resting my hand on hers.

“Not hard enough, I think,” she huffed.

“You can't believe that,” I said. Cassandra shook her head.

“I want you to know, I have no regrets,” she said, rising to her feet. “Maybe if we'd found Hawke the Maker wouldn't have needed to send you and Gethorn. But he did. You're...not what I'd pictured. But if I've learned anything, it's that I know less than nothing.” I stood and she made her way to the stairs.

“You are a brilliant woman, fierce, strong, with a drive that can inspire armies to do great things,” I said. Cassandra turned, flushing at my words, even though her gaze was curious.

“But you can be hotheaded,” I went on. “Being level-headed isn't your strong suit, but you more than make up for it. Doubt your methods, but never your choices, darling.” She smiled and nodded her head.

“I...thank you,” she said. “I know we have not always got along, but...that means a lot coming from you.” She descended the stairs and, after a time, I followed, making my way to the battlements. Garrett, Fenris, and Sebastion looked up as I entered the room, looking at me expectantly. Varric was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed and one knee bent with Madison beside him.

“Are you alright, Varric?” I asked.

“Don't worry about me, Mom,” he said. “It's nothing I can't handle.” I scowled and fisted my hands on my hips.

“Don't tell me what to do!” I snapped. “I'll worry about you if I bloody well please! _Now_ , are you alright?” Garrett, Madison, and Sebastion laughed at this while Varric grinned.

“I'm fine,” he said. “How's Cassandra?”

“She's alright now,” I said, my hands falling to my sides. “I don't think she was really angry at you. Blaming you just seemed... _convenient_.”

“Wouldn't be the first time,” he snorted.

“Well, hopefully, it will be the last,” I said. Garrett raised a brow, tilting his head back.

“Gave her a stern talking to, didja there, Mom?” he asked.

“Oh, don't _you_ start,” I growled. “But, yes, I did. So come down and we'll get you some beds and baths.” Garrett stood, reaching out and wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

“Are you insinuating that I stink, my dear?” he asked.

“No, I'm flat out saying it,” I replied with a saccharine smile. Fenris let out a bark of laughter as Garrett pouted at me, his lower lip sticking out.

“Such _cruelty_ , Madam Seer,” he huffed. “Aren't you supposed to be motherly?”

“You don't need me to mother you, Hawke,” I teased, leading them down the battlements.

“Please, call me Garrett,” he said.

“If that is your wish,” I said with a tilt of my head.

“Maker's breath, _Hawke_?” We all turned to find Cullen striding towards us, a grin on his face.

“Cullen, you old sod,” Hawke greeted, pulling away from me and striding towards the commander. They clasped forearms, grinning at each other.

“How have you been?” Cullen asked.

“Meh, not too bad,” Garrett said with a shrug. “You?”

“Besides losing Haven, well enough,” Cullen sighed.

“Varric told me of that,” Garrett said. “I'm sorry.”

“Thank you,” Cullen said. His eyes moved to me and the others, a gold brow arching.

“I see our Seer has found you,” he commented.

“Yes,” Garrett said. “Varric and the Inquisitor _insisted_ I meet this lovely woman. They sang her praises quite intently.” I flushed, casting my gaze to the ground.

“Well, I can vouch that it's all true,” Cullen said. “She's a remarkable woman.”

“I do need blood for the rest of my body,” I said. “It can't all go to my face.” The two men laughed at this and Cullen held out his hand for me. I took it and let him pull me into an embrace.

“I don't mean to embarrass you,” he said.

“ _Lies_ ,” I said. “Dirty whore lies, Commander.” Cullen grinned but didn't respond, only kept his arms around my waist. I rested my hands on his chest, fingering his mantle as I gazed up at him sweetly.

“So, Hawke and his crew are going to be staying with us for a bit,” I said.

“Do you need me to calm Cassandra?” he asked.

“Oh, no,” I said. “I already took care of her.”

“Oh? And I missed it? Damn.”

“I'm sure Varric will make grand retellings of it, but they need a place to bed down,” I said.

“Well,” Cullen hummed, “I'm sure we can figure something out. We've cleared out some rooms for sleeping until we have things more set up. I'll ask Josie for some extra bedrolls.”

“Thank you, Cullen,” I said batting my lashes at him.

“Of course,” he said. “Oh, and Josie ordered you some more clothes. Can't have our Seer running around in only two outfits.” I groaned, pressing my face against his chest.

“Did Leliana help?” I asked.

“Who do you think got your measurements without you knowing?” he chuckled.

“Dammit,” I whimpered. “There is going to be so much _lace_ and _frill_ and...blegh.”

“Now, now,” Cullen chastised. “I made sure they reined it in.”

“My _hero_ ,” I laughed, standing on my toes and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Pink dusted on his cheeks and he smiled down at me. “You'll join us tonight by the fire, right?”

On our way to Skyhold, Me, Gethorn, and the Inner Circle had taken to meeting around the fire to discuss certain things about the Inquisition. Mostly about how the civilians and soldiers were doing and what we could do to help them. The advisers occasionally joined us, but not often, Cullen being the most frequent one. As we had gotten closer to Skyhold, most of the Inner Circle insisted we keep it up. It gave us a chance to talk and unwind from our day, to get to know each other and just overall laugh and relax.

“I'm not sure...” he began, but at my quivering lower lip and puppy eyes, sighed. “Of course.” I grinned and gave him a hug, pulling back.

“Don't work too hard,” I said. “And don't forget to eat.”

“Yes, _Mom_ ,” he teased. I stuck my tongue out at him and he walked off, laughing. I turned back to Hawke who was giving me an appraising look.

“ _So_ ,” he began with a smirk, “you and the commander?” I stared at him blankly.

“Me and the commander what?” I questioned.

“Together,” Hawke clarified. I flushed.

“We...oh! _No_! No, no, no,” I sputtered. “We're not...we're just friends.” Hawke contemplated this for a moment.

“Does he feel the same?” Hawke inquired. “That you're just _friends_?”

“He's never told me otherwise,” I said, confused.

“You are a bit oblivious when it comes to the whole flirting thing, though,” Madison pointed out. I glared at him, but he only smiled.

"Well, if he felt that way about me, he should just make his intentions clear," I huffed. "I don't like the whole beating around the bush shit." Garrett laughed, slinging his arm around my shoulders again.

"You and I will get along just fine, I think," he said. I smiled up at him, fighting the blush that wanted to spread on my cheeks at the Champion's closeness and the dashing grin he graced me with.  I looked over at Madison who eyed the arm over my shoulder, a slight scowl on my face. I tilted my head to the side, silently asking what he was thinking. He just gave a subtle shake of his head, the corner of his mouth twitching in a way I knew meant he would tell me later.


	16. Tell Us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: Mentions of child abuse (nothing graphic).**  
>  If such things aren't something you can handle, you may want to only skim through the last part of this chapter. Mentions of physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

I sat by the fire wearing my nightgown and the robe Cullen had found me when he got tired of me wandering around Haven in nothing but my sleep dress late at night. Our group, consisting of several of the inner circle, Cullen and Hawke with his gang, all sat around as well, taking sips from large tankards and laughing. Gethorn sat on one side of me, while Madison sat on the other side. I listened to the men trade stories, Gethorn cuddled into my side as I leaned on a log with a blanket draped over it.

“Seer,” Bull said, raising his tankard in my direction. “Tell us a story about yourself.” I arched a brow, feeling Gethorn look up at me.

“What would you like to hear?” I asked.

“Something embarrassing,” Varric said. I thought for a moment before looking at Madison with a grin.

“The pants,” I said. Madison threw his head back laughing.

“So I'm at work and I squatted down to lift something heavy,” I began. “Right when I did, these old pants I was wearing split completely in half. Completely, I was basically wearing two pant legs and I hadn't worn smalls. So I jerk my shirt down and waddle out to let my co-workers know I was going to run out and go get a new pair. I had to walk to my car with my shirt tugged down to my thighs, in the fucking middle of the winter, trying to at least keep these fucking pant legs up when I trip and fall.” There was a roar of laughter, eager eyes locked on me.

“What did you do?” Varric asked.

“Got to my feet and ran like I fucking stole something! I got home and changed quickly. I have no idea if someone saw me. They must have thought I was drunk.” The others laughed, Gethorn chuckling at my side.

“Ya know, I don't think I've ever seen you drunk,” Bull hummed.

“I have,” Cullen and Varric said at the same time.

“She's a _fun_ drunk,” Varric chuckled.

“Well, drink up, Seer,” Bull said. “I wanna see this!” I grinned and tipped my tankard back, draining it in one go while most of the others cheered. I passed my empty tankard to Madison who gave it to Bull to refill. When it returned to me, I took another long drink before setting it beside me.

“So, any thoughts on Coreypheus?” Varric asked with a leer.

“He's a twat,” I blurted out. “He's just some power-mad weirdo who looks like he got run over by a heard of horses pulling a line of circular saws.” The men howled with laughter at this, aside from Solas _who_ merely chuckled behind his hand.

“I mean,” I went on after the laughter had died down. “He's _so_ cliché. If someone were writing a story about this, it wouldn't seem as well as it could if they revamped their villain.”

“Oh?” Varric asked. “What would make him better?” I sat up a bit, crossing my legs so Gethorn was forced to shift. He lay down, his head pillowed in my lap, his hair spilling over my legs.

“There are three kinds of villains,” I began, holding up three fingers to demonstrate my point. “A villain, a good villain and a great villain. Now, a plain ol' villain is just that. Plain. They want power for power's sake, they're mad people bent on destroying something because they fucking want to. A good villain is someone you can understand. Their motives might not be entirely pure, but it has a ring of truth to it. A great villain is someone you relate to. Someone you empathize or at least sympathize with.”

“Like?” Blackwall asked, leaning forward.

“ _Alexius_ ,” I said.

“You'll have to explain that one,” Cullen said. “I don't feel particularly sympathetic towards him.”

“Alexius' son was infected with the Blight,” I began. “We all know this. Felix got the blight when Darkspawn attacked and killed his mother, he's Alexius' only son and the guy was desperate to find a way to cure him. In steps Corypheus, who whispers in his ear, telling him that there is hope. If Alexius serves him, Corypheus will cure his son. So, naturally, he agrees. In the future Gethorn and Dorian went to, Felix was nothing but an empty vessel, a body alive with no consciousness or free will of its own. Alexius was so blinded by his love for his son, he didn't even see this. What Alexius did was wrong, yes, without a doubt. But what his actions boil down to, is desperation. He was so _desperate_ to save his son, he did unspeakable things. He was so _desperate_ for the lie to be true, he didn't see that Felix was long gone and all that remained was a puppet. He was so _desperate_ , he ignored the fact that the world had succumbed to chaos and anarchy and all the sweet promises he was told, were just a distracting glamour.

I don't doubt, on some fundamental level, Alexius _knew_ it was all a lie. Knew that his son was doomed to die and _no_ magics in this world could _change_ _that_. He probably often looked at Felix and thought of how he was already gone, but he pushed that thought away because it was _easy_. It was so much easier to believe the lie than deal with the hard truth that no parent in this world wants to face. The very _real_ , very _cold_ , very _cruel_ fact that he was going to have to put his son, that for years he had poured all his love and devotion into, on a _pyre_.”

The group was quiet, Dorian staring into his tankard.

“He was in such denial,” Dorian sighed, shaking his head.

“ _Of course he was_ ,” I said. “No parent ever wants to outlive there child. This was made all the harder for Alexius because Felix was an only child and he had no children of his own. When Felix died, Alexius would be left with nothing. He was faced with a choice of either, lose it all or do whatever it took to keep what he loved. The _last_ thing in the world that he loved.”

“That doesn't _justify_ what he did,” Fenris said.

“ _Of course not_ ,” I said, shaking my head. “Make no mistake, what he did was wrong. He sacrificed thousands, he would have had a serious hand in completely destroying the world, but can _any_ of us say, that faced with the same situation, we wouldn't even _think_ of doing what he did?”

There was a murmur of agreement, some shaking there heads as they stared into their tankards.

“That's what makes a great villain,” I said. “It's someone you look at and say, ' _There but for the will of the Maker go I'_.”

“I'll have to remember that for my next book,” Varric mused. 

“I was hoping you'd make us laugh instead of making us think,” Bull joked.

“Wanna hear a dirty joke?” I asked, idly, taking a swig of my ale. “Pig fell in the mud.”

Bull stared at me surprised while Cullen snorted, coughing to try and cover it up.

“Smartass,” he huffed.

“Better than being a _dumbass_ ,” I shot back. There was a wave of laughter around the fire at this comment.

“So,” Garrett said, leaning toward me from his place beside Madison, “You know an _awful_ lot about us. Tell us something about yourself.”

“What would you like to know?” I questioned. 

“Tell us about your family,” he said. Cullen and Madison tensed, shooting me concerned looks out of the corner of their eyes.

“What about them?” I inquired, calmly.

“I don't know,” Garrett huffed, wondering about my evasiveness. “What are your parents like.” I could see Bull moving to change the subject, his keen eye having caught on that this was not a pleasant topic for me, but I decided it was only fair since I knew so much of them.

“My father was a drunk bastard who, when he wasn't slamming my head into walls or telling me how worthless I was, he had his hand down my pants,” I replied. “My mother isn't much better, though her thing is more subtle abuse that outright.” The circle was silent. I calmly took a sip of my drink, not giving away that I'd summed up years of childhood trauma in a few sentences.

“I...I'm sorry,” Garrett stammered. “I...”

“It's alright,” I said soothingly. “I'm alright with it.”

“How can you possibly be alright with that?” Cullen asked. I swallowed, feeling Gethorn slowly rise from his place in my lap to stare at me.

“Because, I healed,” I said simply. “It wasn't easy, but I did it.”

“How?” Solas asked, staring at me in shock, though his expression held a torrential rage. I took a deep breath, looking up at the group.

“I realized something some time ago, that many people in situations like mine, never come to terms with,” I said. “I realized, that it wasn't my fault.”

“Of course it _wasn't your fault_ ,” Solas burst out, furious. “You were a _child_! How could it be your _fault_ that...how could your _parents_...your _father_...” He stopped, visibly upset.

“It sounds easy,” I said. “It's not. Saying 'it's not your fault' can only heal the surface wound, not get down to the festering part. You have to understand just what it means.”

“Do you...would you be okay explaining?” Blackwall asked. I laced my fingers together, staring into the fire as I tried to think of how to articulate myself.

“I didn't ask to be born,” I said. “I had _no_ choice. My parents wanted a child and so they had one. I didn't get to decide who my parents were, that was taken out of my hands. I didn't get a say in how I was raised, my parents decided that. The fact that they also chose to hurt me, abuse me in place of protecting me, _isn't my fault_.” I looked up at the group gathered around the circle.

“I am not _defective_ ,” I went on. “There is nothing wrong with me. I could never have won my parents love and I did nothing to deserve the treatment I got. I am lovable. I have people who love me, who think I'm a wonderful person. The fact that my parents didn't think the same, means they're the defective ones, not me.”

I sat back against the log, running my fingers through my hair.

“Nothing in this world would have changed that fact,” I said. “It wasn't as if 'being a better daughter' or 'being more obedient' or 'being smarter or prettier or thinner or' whatever, would have made my parents love me. Nothing would have changed. And while I may not be _perfect_ , I'm certainly not _unlovable_.”

“No, you're certainly not,” Cullen said, giving me a warm and affectionate smile. 

“Here, here!” Varric cheered.

“I love the shit outta ya,” Madison said. Gethorn hugged me tightly, nuzzling my neck.

“Ar lath ma, Mamae,” he murmured. I smiled, my eyes growing wet.

“Awwwwe,” I said, hugging Gethorn and throwing my arm around Madison.

“What a realization that must have been,” Solas said.

“It was very freeing,” I admitted. “It allowed me to let go of a lot of the anger I had. It allowed me to realize that part of those feelings I had about them, were more directed at me because 'if I had been better than maybe they would have loved me.' When I realized that would never be the case, I felt free. I don't doubt that they held some kind of affection for me, but it certainly wasn't love. Because _you can't hurt something that you love_.”

“How very wise of you,” Solas remarked, staring at me curiously.

“Well, it took me a few years to work it out,” I sighed. “I did some stupid things, got self-destructive. I never denied it. I knew what I was doing.”

“What were you doing?” Garrett asked in a voice so low I almost didn't catch it. I tilted my head back, looking him in the eye, locking my gaze with his almost glowing golden one.

“Take anything I could, doing anything I could to numb the almost unbearable pain that the one man in this world who was supposed to protect me, supposed to keep me safe, raped and beat me,” I said, bluntly. “And he did it, simply because he _could_.” The group fell silent. I cleared my throat and ran my fingers along Gethorn's arm which was still wrapped around my chest.

“I made a promise to myself,” I said, causing everyone to look at me. “My father and I were in a constant battle of wills. He wanted to lock me away, dictate everything I did while I wanted freedom. So I made a promise to myself when I was finally free of him and he was locked away in a cell to rot. I promised myself that there was one thing in my life that I was determined to be, one thing he always tried to keep from me, one thing he almost crushed within me completely.” I paused to swallow and take a drink of my tankard as my mouth had suddenly grown dry.

“What?” Cullen all but whispered.

“ _Happy_ ,” I said simply. “Whatever that meant for me, however I found it. I was going to be _happy_.”

“Are you?” Dorian asked. I smiled, looking at him.

“Yes, I am.” The group fell silent and I sat there awkwardly, knowing I had brought the mood down. After several minutes I cleared my throat again, took a big gulp of ale and belted out;

“Alright, enough o' that! Someone tell a dick joke!” Everyone dissolved into laughter at my abrupt and crude way of breaking the mood. Madison gladly offered up a joke involving a pirate, a priest and a horse and we moved into lighter conversation. Eventually, one by one, people made their way to their bed. As they did, each person, starting with Cullen, came over and gave me a tight hug. Fenris was the exception, of course, but he did give me a pat on the shoulder and a nod as he passed me, to which I smiled. It went like this until it was just Madison, Garret and me, Gethorn having wrapped me in an almost bone-crunching embrace before planting a smacking kiss on my lips. Garrett stood, making his way towards me and pulling me to my feet. His chest pushed into mine as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

“You're an _amazing_ woman,” he said. “I'm glad you didn't let some bastards take that from you.”

“Thank you,” I said with a smile. He stared at me for a long moment, then dropped his head and pressed a chaste kiss to my brow.

“Goodnight,” he said softly.

“Goodnight,” I replied. He turned and walked towards one of the rooms that had been assigned him, shouting his farewells to Madison.

“He's got the hots for you,” Madison said when Hawke was out of earshot. 

“He does not,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“He does,” Madison said, airily. “Have I been wrong before?”

“Yes, yes you have!” I laughed, turning to go to Cullen's quarters where it had been agreed I would stay until my personal quarters were set up.

“Well...I'm not this time!” he called after me.

“Goodnight, Madison,” I called back, giving him a wave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we get all serious. Next chapter will be a little feel good, don't worry.


	17. Regret Like Ice In My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments! I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter. I really debated giving her that kind of past, but I thought it would lend her more character, make her stronger and give an explanation as to why.  
> Her words are very true for all those who have been through something similar. You're not at fault. Abuse is never okay. And people who abuse you, don't love you and should never be protected from their punishments. Please never suffer in silence. There is help out there.

I climbed the ladder in Cullen's office to his room. He was in the corner, trying to set up the cot which just kept collapsing on him. The night before, the other cot had broken, collapsing under Cullen's weight so he crashed to the floor with a startled cry. I had been out of the single bed in the room and at his side in a second, soothing him and tugging him to finish sleeping in the bed. He had done so with great protest about appropriateness. He had promised he would get a new one in the morning, but it seemed the new one wasn't fairing any better. 

“You know,” I said, walking up behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist. “The bed is big enough for two people.” His face turned beat red and he swallowed audibly. 

“I...that would hardly be proper,” he stammered.

“Oh _come on_ ,” I said. “That thing is broken, it's late, we're both tired.”

“I can sleep in my office,” he suggested.

“Do you not want to share a bed?” I asked. “Does it disgust you?”

“Disg- _No_!” he cried, turning to face me. “Not at all.”

“Good. Then I'm getting in bed, go get changed and join me.” 

He coughed but ducked behind the dressing screen while I pulled my robe off.  
I wore a new nightgown Leliana had given me that fell to midthigh with thin straps holding it up and a plunging neckline. I had complained of being hot at night and she had gifted the gown with a smirk. Cullen stepped out from behind the dressing screen and his eyes grew wide.

I looked at him questioningly and climbed into the bed, snuggling down into the blankets and beckoning him to join me. Cullen climbed in behind me, reclining on his back and looking up at the ceiling where the moonlight spilled in from the hole in his roof. I scooted closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder so he looked down at me.

“Why are you so tense?” I asked. He shook his head, taking a deep breath, his eyes slipping shut. I felt his body relax bit by bit and closed my eyes, humming softly.

“That's pretty,” Cullen remarked. I smiled and continued to hum, feeling the Commander relax more against the mattress. He turned to face me and I shifted back so I could look at him.

“I'm glad you came to us,” he said suddenly. I chuckled, reaching up and tracing the scar on his lip.

“Me too,” I said. “It's been hard at times, but I think I like it here.”

“Look, about earlier,” he said, seeming nervous. “You didn't have to tell us that. I mean...this sounds bad...you didn't owe it to Garrett to go into detail.”

“Did it make you uncomfortable?” I asked.

“No, but...I know it was hard for you,” he said, stroking my arm.

“Not as hard as you think,” I said. “I don't mind talking about it if I'm asked.”

“You don't?”

“If I hide it if I avoid it, it becomes a secret,” I said softly. “A secret implies that it's something I did wrong. It's an action I took that was dirty or sinful and it's not. I did nothing wrong.” Cullen stared at me for a long moment before he turned on his side, pulling me into a tight hug.

“I just don't get you!” he gasped, sounding on the verge of tears. “How? How can you be so...calm? So warm and...”

“Because I'm stubborn,” I said. “It wasn't an easy journey. I did some stupid things. Hell, I barely remember being 16. I was drunk or high all the time!” I pulled back and showed him the faint silver scars on my arm.

“I did that...to myself, with a knife.”

“Why?” he asked, taking my wrist and looking at the marks. “Were you trying to kill yourself?”

“Sometimes, yes,” I said. “But mostly, it was the endorphin rush.”

“Endorphin?”

“Oh..uhm...it's a natural chemical your body produces to numb pain,” I explained. “But it also can have a secondary side effect of giving you a feeling of euphoria, like when you're drunk or when you take lyrium.” Cullen nodded in understanding, not releasing my wrist.

“I did some stupid things,” I said, feeling tears bead on my lashes. “Some _really_ stupid things. Things I regret.” I swallowed and Cullen sat up, pulling me into his arms.

“I'm here if you want to talk,” he assured me. I let out a watery laugh, leaning back and taking his hands, kissing them.

“Thank you,” I said. “I...I can't talk about it. Madison is one of the _few_ people in this world I've talked to about it. In fact...he's pretty much the _only_ one I've talked to about it in depth. It's...there are few things in my life I regret. I try to think of them as things that needed to be done to get me to where I am. But...the things I _do_ regret...the thing I regret the _most_...it's...it's like _ice_ in my heart.”

Unbidden, tears spilled freely from my eyes, the copious booze a lubricant to the tormented thoughts I usually kept at bay. Cullen seized me, dragging me into his lap and holding me so tightly it almost hurt. I hugged him in return, sobs spilling from my lips as I fought fiercely to control myself.

“It was so _stupid_!” I spat, the words falling out. “I can't...why? _Why did I do it_?”

“I don't know,” he said gently. “But...I'm sure you had your reasons.” I laughed bitterly.

“None of them were _good_.” He fell silent for a time before he pulled back, cupping my wet cheeks in his hands and forcing me to look at him. His face was scant inches from my own, amber eyes boring into mine.

“I don't know what you did,” he said. “But nothing you could tell me would make me change what I think of you.” I smiled, sniffling and nodding to him. He pulled me closer, lips on my eyes, kissing away my tears. I thought it was strange and reached up, gripping his wrists to stop him. He pulled back, pressing his forehead against mine.

“Sorry,” he said. “I...” He swallowed and took a deep breath through his nose, pulling me back to his chest.

“Don't regret it,” he said at last. “Accept that it was a foolish thing to do, that you made a mistake but you have to move on. Learn from it. Don't mourn what you can't change.” I smiled, wiping away the last of my tears and kissed his cheek. We lay back down, me tucked into Cullen's side. It was a position I had been in with Madison several times when we had been drinking at my house or his and it had gotten late. His wife had laughed at us once and just climbed in behind me, snuggling herself against my shoulder. I missed her. She had been fun to be around, always accepting Madison's and mine relationship as twins separated at birth and could make me laugh when she and Madison got all silly.

“You won't be returning to your world?” Cullen questioned.

“I don't know,” I said honestly. “I don't even know if it's possible and if that time comes, I'm not sure if I'd want to. I suppose it would depend.”

“On?” he asked.

“What reason I had to stay,” I said without thinking. Cullen flushed and gingerly rested his hand on my waist. I scooted closer to him so he didn't have to reach so far and he flushed darker, his eyes darting to where my breast strained against the gown. I gently tugged one of the straps, covering myself more. Cullen may be my friend and most likely had little, if any romantic interest in me, but he was still a man and a great number of men liked breast. I needed to ensure mine were, at least mostly, covered.

“You know a great deal about me,” he mused.

“I do.” He looked away for a moment before locking his eyes with mine.

“Do you know...”

“About the lyrium? Yes. I know you're trying to fight off the addiction to it.” He sighed and tried to turn from me, but I grabbed his shoulder, keeping him facing me.

“Cullen, don't,” I begged. “Don't be ashamed. It's nothing to be ashamed of.”

“You don't think I should be taking it?”

“Please don't,” I said. “I know why you're doing it. I agree. I admire you for it. Don't go back on your conviction now.”

“I could better serve the Inquisition,” he argued.

“You serve the Inquisition better not chained to that life,” I countered, trailing my fingers along his cheek. “I know you're in pain. If there's anything I can do...”

“Don't worry,” he said. “You don't need to take care of me, Mom.”

“I know I don't,” I said. “I want to. I care about you.” He flushed again, looking away. His hand lifted and he rubbed his forehead a slight scowl pulling his brows down.

“A headache?” I asked, lifting up and trailing my fingers over his temple.

“It's fine,” he said. I sat up, crooking my finger at him. He moved closer to me, his amber eyes curious. I coaxed him into laying on his back with his head pillowed in my lap.

“Do you trust me?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said. I put my finger's together, warping the veil slightly as I blew an icy breath onto them.

“Close your eyes,” I said. “Stop gawking at my breast.” His ears turned red as a smile tugged at his lips.

“Sorry, they were just right there,” he chuckled.

“Well, you can fantasize about them later, just relax.” He snorted, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

“I wasn't...”

“Shhhh,” I hushed him, putting my cool fingers to his temples and carefully massaging. He let out a soft moan as my fingers soothed along his brow, digging into his scalp with my nails carefully so he melted. I kept my magic flowing, making sure my hands stayed cool but not cold as I moved to his neck and shoulders. I urged him to roll over on his stomach, his head still in my lap as I bent over, working his tight shoulders. I kept up the massage, focusing on his temples, scalp, neck, and shoulders until he was laying bonelessly on the bed, his lips curled into a content smile. When I felt the last of the knots in his muscles unwind, I began caressing him lightly, keeping the magic on my hands.

“Better?” I asked.

“Mmmm.”

“Was that a yes?” I teased, not stopping my ministrations.

“Marry me,” he said. I laughed, bending over and brushing a kiss across his cheek that made him chuckle.

“I guess I should have asked before I used magic on you,” I mused. His shoulders lifted briefly in a shrug and he let out a soft grunt.

“You're not afraid of me?” I asked, my fingers trailing along his spine.

“No,” he hummed.

“Even though I'm a mage?” I asked. “You've seen the worst magic has to offer and...” He sat up, stretching languidly with a content smile on his face. He reached out, cupping my cheek in his calloused palm, his thumb brushing along my cheekbone.

“Any fears I have of magic, I see none of that in you,” he said. I smiled and lay back down, my head on the pillows, waiting for Cullen to join me. He pulled the covers over us, tucking his arm under the pillows as he lay facing me. 

“Thank you,” he said, reaching out and brushing a strand of my hair behind my shoulder.

“Any time,” I said, letting my eyes slip closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our seer has a secret, a secret she can't stand to talk about?  
> All will be revealed in time!


	18. Show Him Some Compassion

I handed the healer the sack full of herbs I had gathered as well as several healthy Elfroot plants she could plant and harvest. She thanked me profusely, taking the bags from me. I glanced over when I heard Vivienne arguing with Solas and saw the two mages gathered with Cassandra and Gethorn playing mediator. I had a feeling I knew what this was about and strolled towards then, keeping my steps light.

“He can cause people to forget him, or even fail to notice him entirely,” said Solas. “These are not the abilities of a mage. It seems that Cole is a spirit.”

“It is a demon,” spat Vivienne.

“If you prefer, although the truth is somewhat more complex,” Solas said.

“Cole warned us about Coreypheus at Haven,” Gethorn said. “He saved a lot of lives.”

“And what will its help cost?” Vivienne sneered. “How many lives will this demon later claim.”

“In fact, his nature is not so easily defined,” I said, causing the group to spin to face me.

“Someone needs to put a bell on her,” Vivienne grumbled. Gethorn glared at her and Vivienne, having realized her mistake, shrunk back a bit.

“Speak plainly,” Cassandra sighed. “What are we dealing with”

“Demons usually enter this world by possessing something,” I began, stopping to stand between Solas and Gethorn, “in their true form they look monstrous, bizarre.”

“But Solas claimed Cole looked like a young man,” Cassandra pointed out. “Is it possession?”

“No,” Solas said. “He has possessed nothing and no one.” Solas turned to Gethorn, taking a step closer to him.

“Cole is unique, Inquisitor, more than that, he wishes to help,” Solas went on. “I suggest you allow him to do so.” Gethorn stroked his chin in thought before looking over at me.

“Mamae?” he asked. Vivienne scoffed, turning from us in disgust.

“She's a mage, of course...” she began.

“That is unfair,” Gethorn said sharply. “She has been a great help to mages, but she has also shown massive support for the Templar and it was her actions that allowed us to save some of the Templar's from Red Lyrium.” Vivienne looked like she wanted to say more, but held her tongue.

“What do you think, isha'len?” I asked. Gethorn crossed his arms, scowling.

“He has been helpful so far,” he said and I smirked. “I don't see the harm in letting him stay.” The elf eyed me suspiciously before rolling his eyes.

“You know what he is, don't you?” he huffed.

“Yes,” I said with a tilt of my head.

“So what is he?” Cassandra asked.

“Cole is a spirit of Compassion,” I explained. “He came into this world when he heard the suffering cries of mages from a particular circle tower. By sheer willpower, he took on a human form. He is not a demon.”

“Says an apostate,” Vivienne said.

“Says a hypocrite,” I shot back. “The circles all fell, in case you forgot. We're all apostates now.” Solas let out a short cough to cover a laugh that had Vivienne glaring at him.

“Isha'len,” I said gently, turning back to Gethorn. “The decision must be yours. We can't tell you what to do, only offer advice.”

“Will he pose a risk to us at any time?” Gethorn asked.

“No,” I said. “But he will have to make a choice eventually.”

“What choice could a demon make?” Vivienne asked.

“He will have to choose if he wishes to remain a spirit or become human,” I said. “Cole has taken a human form and the longer he stays in this world, in a kind of limbo, the less connected to the Fade he becomes.”

“We should encourage him to return to the Fade, then,” Solas said.

“I agree,” Vivienne said, arching a brow. I shook my head.

“It is not that simple,” I said. “He must choose. It depends on what he wants.” Gethorn looked around with a scowl.

“Where did he go?” he asked. Solas turned his head, nodding towards the healer's tents where Cole was slinking around, moving from one wounded person to the next.

“I should go talk to him,” he said.

“Do not attempt to influence his decision,” I warned. “It must be his own or we risk destroying him completely.”

“Of course, Mamae,” he agreed before walking towards the tents.

“This is a dangerous game,” Vivienne sighed, shaking her head as Gethorn walked away.

“You know nothing of the boy,” I said, glaring. “You could learn a lot from him if you only talked to him instead of standing at a distance with your nose in the air and judging him.”

“Maybe we're not all so eager to take in strays and hope they're not dangerous,” Vivienne replied.

“Seer,” I said simply like I was laying down a winning card hand.

“Enough, both of you,” Cassandra scolded. “It is for the Inquisitor to decide what is best.” I looked over at where Gethorn was returning to our group, looking slightly disturbed.

“He's strange,” he said. “But he's adamant about wanting to help. Mamae says he is no danger and I trust her visions. He will stay.”

“Why do I bother?” Vivienne seethed, throwing up her hands and storming away.

“Can we tie her up with the rest of the barking dogs?” I grumbled, watching her flounce back to her tent. Solas was seized by a violent coughing fit and cast me scowl tinged with amusement. Gethorn snickered, while Cassandra shook her head.

“Ugh, _mages_ ,” she groaned, walking away.

"That looked _fun_." I turned to find Hawke standing near-by, leaning against a stone wall with his powerful arms crossed over his chest. I couldn't help but think how dashing he looked, giving me that wolfish grin of his, his gold eyes glittering beneath the pure black of his bangs. I licked my suddenly dry lips and smiled at him.

"I don't think Vivienne likes me very much," I said, glancing around to see that everyone else had left so it was just Garrett and I. He pushed off the wall, sauntering over towards me.

"Meh, she's Orlesian," he said flippantly. "She's only going to like snooty assholes. Don't let it bother you."

"Who said it bothered me?" I laughed, blushing when he took my hand and brushed a kiss over my knuckles. "If I were from this world, I'd be Ferelden."

"Why's that?" he asked, gently releasing my hand.

"I like dogs," I said. "In my world, I was a dog groomer."

"You did hairstyles on rich peoples dogs?" he asked, arching a brow.

"Dog's are more common where I'm from," I explained. "My clients were mostly middle to lower middle class. I groomed all kinds of dogs. Yappy ones, working dogs..."

"Really?" he asked, arching a brow. "Ever groom a Mabari?"

"Well, we don't have Mabari's. We have something similar and yes, I've given those a good bath and clipped their nails." Hawke stroked his fingers along his beard and I was suddenly seized with the urge to touch it and see if it was as soft as it looked.

"Do you miss it?" he asked, those gold eyes on me.

"I do," I sighed. "But Douglas lets me borrow Inez to get my cuddles in."

"Inez?" I grinned and whistled, looking over as she jogged towards me, Douglas smirking from where he was helping Dennet feed the horses. Garrett looked at Inez, a grin spreading across his face. He knelt down and reached out, letting the older dog investigate him. Inez sniffed him, her face pressing against his. She pulled back, gave an approving snort and licked his cheek before going to my side.

"Well, my lady, if you're a dog lover, you and I will get along just fine," he said, standing up.

"Was there ever any doubt we'd get along, dear?" I asked. Something flashed across his face but it was quickly replaced with a smile.

"I suppose not, _baby_ ," he returned. We fell silent and I reached down, petting Inez. Garrett looked at me for a moment before reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Hey, listen," he said softly. "Last night...I...I didn't mean to pry like that. You didn't have to tell me about...about your family. I'm sorry."

"Hawke, if I didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't have," I said. "But I know a great deal about you and it's only fair. Plus, I'm not ashamed of it. It's not a secret. I refuse to treat it like it's a dirty sin that needs to be hidden. I did nothing wrong and I'm not going to hide it."

"No, I didn't mean...I...dammit, this sounded so good in my head," he sighed. I giggled, reaching out and taking his hand so he was forced to look at me.

"I know what you mean," I said. "But, I am not embarrassed by it. There are things I won't talk about, but I'm an open book, Hawke. I know a great deal about you. About your family, the things you've seen and suffered through. I don't mind talking about my own journey." Calloused fingers touched my cheek and gold eyes looked deeply into mine.

"Garrett," he said. "Please, call me _Garrett_." He leaned a bit closer and I looked up at him, noticing how his eyes searched my face.

"Garrett," I repeated and his lips curled into a grin.

"Never has my name sounded so _sweet_ ," he purred. I blushed and gave him a playful push. He chuckled softly, letting himself be shoved. 

"Come, Madam," he said, offering me his arm. "I'll get you a drink and we can talk about all the embarrassing things you know about me and the embarrassing things I need to _learn_ about you." I eyed him for a moment before looping my arm with his.

"Call me by my name," I urged. "If I must call you Garrett, you shouldn't call me by silly titles." Garrett looked down at me and smirked, breathing my name in a soft bedroom voice that sent a shiver up my spine. If I didn't know he was with Isabela, I would swear he was trying to seduce me.


	19. The Commander Sleeps At His Desk

One thing I had learned about Cullen early on that was very true about any solider I had been around in my world, he could drop into a dead sleep on anything that wasn't painful. I had caught him passed out at his desk several times and would always try to coax him to rise and go to bed. One such night, I had woken to soft laughter coming from below me and gotten up, realizing that Cullen still hadn't come to bed. I climbed down the ladder and saw some scouts snickering at him, slumped over his desk, face pillowed on a pile of reports and mouth hanging open as he snored softly. His pen was still clutched in his hand, teetering precariously between his fingers.

“You three had better hope he doesn't wake,” I breathed, stepping up behind them. They had jumped, their hands clapping over their mouths to muffle any sound.

“Madam Seer?” one hissed, eyes wide. “Why are you here?”

“I don't have my own room yet,” I said. “Why are you?”

“Uhm...we were...er...”

“ _Out_.”

“Yes, Ma'am.” I sighed, watching them scurry out of the room, shutting the door a little too loudly, causing Cullen to snort and jerk upright. I shook my head and walked over, gently taking the pen from his hand and capping his inkwell. He looked up at me blearily and I reached out, wiping the ink from his cheek. He smiled, resting his cheek in my palm and letting his eyes slip closed.

“Cullen, come to bed,” I said, reaching down and taking his hands.

“Huh? Yeah...” he snorted, rising to his feet. I guided him to the ladder, urging him to climb it and hoping he didn't fall. We made it up to his room and he sat heavily on the bed, elbows resting on his knee's and his head dropping. I laughed and walked over, gently removing his armor and mantle, placing them on the stand as best I could. I knelt down, easing his feet out of his boots and tugging his socks off.

“You're so sweet,” he slurred. I looked up and saw him smiling at me dreamily. I smiled back, setting his boots aside and standing, urging him back on the bed. His arm slung around my waist and he rolled, pulling me onto the bed with him.

“Lay with me,” he said, pulling me back to his chest.

“ _Ouw_ , Cullen...not so rough,” I complained, shifting my legs where they had landed awkwardly.

“Sorry,” he murmured, pressing his face against my shoulder. Another thing I had learned early on was that when Cullen was sleepy, he was cuddly.

“You were being watched by some of the scouts,” I told him.

“Bastards,” he murmured.

“I think I scared them half to death when I came down the ladder,” I snickered. He groaned and turned his face so it was pressed into my neck.

“More rumors,” he grumbled. 

“Well, does it count as sex if I can feel your dick?” I teased. “Cause you're pressing your erection into mai butt.” He snorted.

“Am not.” I grinned and wiggled my butt against his thighs.

“Why _Ser Cullen_....” I taunted in a breathless voice. He snorted again and smacked my thigh lightly so I yelped in surprise.

“Behave,” he said but I could hear him smiling.

“If you spank me, I promise to do whatever you want,” I purred. He let out another groan, longer this time, and rolled away from me. I turned and looked to see him staring at the ceiling, his eyes now wide open.

“You can't _say_ those kinds of things to me when I'm half asleep!” he snapped.

“So I can say them to you when you're wide awake?” I asked, unable to help myself.

“I...no! Maker's breath.”

“I'm sorry,” I said with a giggle, scooting close to him and laying my hand on his chest. “I was just teasing. I'll be good.” He looked down at me and smiled, patting my hand gently. I leaned up and kissed his cheek, rolling back to my side and closing my eyes.

“Goodnight,” I said.

“Goodnight.”

All was silent for a long time, aside from the crickets in the courtyard and the soft conversation from the guards in the next town over. I was just on the cusp of sleep when I felt a hand on my arm and the mattress shift as Cullen moved closer. I glanced over my shoulder at him and saw he was, once again, asleep and had rolled over, his arm flung out as he moved. I laughed and shook my head at him, scooting back so he pulled me tightly against his chest, his arm around my waist. He muttered in his sleep but I didn't catch what he said. I closed my eyes, letting the Fade claim me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a funny little distraction from the main plot. I've been around a lot of solider's and it's always amused me how they can fall asleep in the most awkward of places, sometimes even on their feet. I imagine Cullen is much the same and had to put my little headcannon in the story. Sorry!


	20. Off To Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I posted two chapters because they were both kind of short and the last one didn't have a whole lot to do with the main plot, it was just silliness.
> 
>  _words_ =elven

I stood at the gates of Skyhold fastening Gethorns cloak and fretting over him. Today, he, Dorian, Bull, and Varric would travel to Crestwood with Hawke and his gang. My hands shook as I smoothed out Gethorn's cloak and the young man took them in his own, looking at me.

“ _Worried_?” he asked.

“ _I always worry about you,_ ” I said.

“ _You could come with_ ,” he suggested, but I shook my head.

 _“I'm not strong enough with my magic yet,_ ” I said. “ _I'd only be a hindrance_.” Gethorn sighed and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in his shoulder, gripping him tightly. He pulled away and I handed him a bag I had packed with some bread, cheese, and meats as well as a few cookies I had snuck in there, a thick cloak and several potions. Gethorn peeked in the bag and grinned at me.

“Ghial’bradh *****?” he asked, excited. I smiled.

“ _Orara helped me make it_ ,” I said. Gethorn laughed, hugging me again and bestowing a quick kiss on my lips.

“ _You're the_ elfiest _human I ever met, Mamae_ ,” he said.

“ _I'll take that as a compliment_ ,” I tittered. Gethorn gave me one last hug before he turned to mount his horse. Garrett stepped over to me, resting his hand on my shoulder.

“He'll be fine,” he said.

“I still worry,” I said. 

“I'll keep an eye on him,” Hawke assured. I placedmy hand on Hawke's, looking up into his golden eyes that were so mesmerizing.

“I would appreciate that,” I said. Hawke pulled me to him in a firm hug that, while it surprised me, I returned.

“You'll be waiting for us, right?” he asked, tilting his head down to look at me.

“I'll probably run out into the snow to greet you,” I chuckled. Garrett pulled away and shouldered his bag, giving me a charming smile.

“Well, that's all the more reason for us to return if we have a beautiful woman waiting for us,” he purred. I rolled my eyes and slapped his arm lightly.

“Oh, hush.” Garrett looked over as the others called for him to join them. He reached out, snatching my hand up and dropping a lingering kiss on the back of it, eyes locked with mine.

“Until we meet again, my lady,” he said before turning and jogging to his horse. I laughed at his antics and waved at the group, following them as they took off across the bridge. I watched them until they were out of sight and even then, I stared after them.

“They'll be back,” Madison said, wrapping an arm around me.

“I know,” I said. “It's just...”

“I know,” he hummed, casting his gaze around to make sure we were alone. “It's different. When it's just a game and things are certain, it doesn't matter. When it's real and you care about them...”

“Then my heart breaks when I know I can't protect them,” I finished. Madison pulled me tightly against his body, nosing my temple. I leaned into him, basking in the comfort he offered. It had always been like this between us. We could comfort each other with just an embrace, always instinctively knowing what the other needed. We always said we were twins separated at birth, finishing each other's sentences from the day we met.

“I'm sorry,” I said suddenly. “Here I am, fretting like an old hen and you're no doubt, missing your wife.”

“I do miss her,” he said. “But I know if there's a way to get back, you'll find it.”

“What if we can't?” I asked, voicing the possibility I knew we had avoided. What if we could never return and she was forever lost to him? Jin-lee who didn't get American sarcasm and thus, didn't get a lot of jokes but still did things that would have me rolling with laughter. Like when she had stamped her feet and wiggled her fingers at her husband, her almond eyes going wide while she tried to compel him to cook for her. Jin-lee who would complain if I didn't come by for a while because I was another woman she could rope into picking on her husband. Jin-Lee who, when I had come to their apartment in tears because I had hit a dog with my car, had driven out, retrieved the corpse and done a Chinese burial for it before buying me a bottle of vodka and insisting her husband make me laugh while she cuddled with me on the couch. I missed her fiercely then and wished she had been with us.

“Then I hope...I hope she finds happiness,” he said thickly. I turned and threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly as he sniffled into my shoulder. I felt tears on my skin and tightened my embrace, offering him comfort even as my own tears spilled.

“I promise I will do my best to find a way to, if nothing else, get you back,” I swore.

“What about you?” he asked, pulling back and wiping his red eyes.

“If it comes down to it and only one of us can go,” I said. “I'll send you. You should be with the woman you love.” It tore at me to think of being without him. I loved him and he was my closest friend. I had told him things I had never discussed with anyone, even the multiple therapists I had gone to.  But if there was a chance for him to be happy, be back with his wife and his family, he deserved it. I couldn't ask him to stay here just for me. I wished I could mash the two words together, make them one so I could have it all, but I knew it would never be so. Madison gave me a sad smile before he looped his arm through mine.

“Come on, Josephine wants to see you,” he said. I groaned and let him lead me to the adviser's office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ghial’bradh-is an elven food. a meat loaf with grain, nuts and berries
> 
> The drawing is by me, hope you like it.


	21. We Wear The Mask That Grins And Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Thanks for all the comments and Kudos. I'm glad you guys liked the artwork. I've been trying to do one for each chapter but so far, only a few have inspired me. Mostly the ones with Garrett because he was so stupid hot in the Destiny trailer, or maybe I just have a fetish for men with beards.  
> I'll try to add more pictures, though.

“You can't be serious,” I cried, exasperated.

“Madam Seer, you are the talk of Thedas,” she said. “Your powers are indispensable. We need you at the Winter Palace.”

"I thought you were trying to hide my identity!" I snapped. Upon Gethorn's return from Redcliffe castle, the advisors had decided to keep as tight a lid on what I looked like as humanly possible. Leliana planted spies to spread conflicting rumors on my appearance while Cullen and Josephine had threatened everyone in Haven if they sent out word.

"Unfortunately that is no longer a viable option," Josephine sighed. "The Inquisition has grown and there are too many nobles and civilians coming in and out of Skyhold for us to be able to hide you any longer. The best course of action is to unveil you in a grand manner fitting your status."

“Which means I'm dressed up like a doll and forced to play the ridiculous 'Game' the Orlesian nobility play,” I bit out.

“Well, yes,” Josephine said carefully. 

“Josie,” I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “I am not cut out of the games the nobility play.”

“The event won't be for some time,” Josephine said. “In that time, we have arranged for dress fittings, dancing lessons and Leliana will school you in how to best mask your emotions.”

“I don't like wearing a mask,” I complained. “I wore one for so long...” I thought back to the years I had pretended to be okay while I was dying inside, tormented by the pain of what my parents had done. Josephine grew quiet.

“I...Cullen mentioned that your childhood was...less than ideal,” she began. I shook my head.

“What did he say?” I asked.

“Only that your parents were very cruel to you,” she assured. “He didn't go into details.”

"I was beaten and raped by my father," I said bluntly. "And my mother allowed it." Josephine's pen clattered to the desk.

"I'm sorry," she gasped.

"It's fine," I sighed. "It's just...The courts, they just remind me of my father's family. People who smile and hide how ugly they are on the inside, being cruel for cruelty's sake while the rest of us are forced to endure...” I rose to my feet, going to the window and pushing it open so the cool breeze hit my face. Josephine hovered nearby, unsure of what to do. Playing the Winter Palace in the game was always the part I hated most. If it had just been a grand ball it would have been fine, but the secrets, the back-handedness, the lies, the manipulation, it all reminded me so painfully of my father's family who had known what he was doing to me and hidden it, telling me to keep quiet because they wanted to save face. It reminded me of how I had been ostracized when the truth came out, declared a liar and a slut, an evil child who had seduced my father and was no kin to them. It was one of the things that had hurt the most. 

“I'll go,” I said. “Just...don't expect me to play 'The Game'. I can smile pretty and keep our secrets, but I can't...I can't be apart of that toxic world.”

“I understand,” Josephine said gently. “We appreciate this.”

“I assume Madam De Fur will being doing my dance lessons,” I sighed.

“Yes,” Josephine said. “She will also assist in your gown.”

“Can't I just wear the same thing the rest of you do?” I asked, pleadingly.

“Your position dictates a certain amount of grandeur,” Josephine explained.

“And, of course, I get to be depicted as a sort of trophy of the Inquisition,” I muttered.

“In a way, yes,” Josephine said apologetically. “It is not how we feel but it is how we must present it.”

“I understand.”

“On the matter of your lodgings,” she began.

“Oh, I'm fine with anything,” I said. “You don't need to go to any trouble. I don't mind continuing to share with Cullen or whatever.”

“The Inquisitor was very insistent that you at least be granted your own quarters,” she said with a smile. “I must admit, I agree. It would not do for a young woman to share quarters with a man when she isn't married to him and the people talk enough. The Inquisitor only requested that your rooms be close to his own.” I laughed and shook my head.

“As such,” she continued, “we have a room in the works for you. It is not finished, but it does have a bed and the clothes we ordered for you are there. We are working on decorating it and getting a tub for it.”

“I don't need anything fancy, Josie,” I said. “The basics are fine. The nicer things should be used on the people.”

“A noble sentiment,” she said, seating herself at her desk. “Very well. We shall forgo the grander elements and stick to simplicity. Your room is beside the Heralds, it is the door to the left of the throne if you're facing...”

“I know where it is, Josie,” I said. “Don't worry.”

“You and the Commander have etiquette lessons this evening before dinner,” she said, scribbling something down before pulling out a thick book and flipping it open to a marked page. “After dinner, we have the dressmaker coming to pick out swatches and styles. Tomorrow morning, Lelianna requests you join her for lessons. I will inform her that they should be brief, but they weren't that long to begin with since you have lessons with Solas later in the morning.” I walked around Josephine's desk and peered over her shoulder at the book. It was a planner of sorts with a date written at the top that I guessed was today's date. On one page she had written several things she had to do or address, things that needed to be ordered, notes for her to check on the status of this and that. On the opposite one, a line had been drawn down the middle. On one side of the line was Gethorn's name and on the other, mine. Under Gethorn's name was written a few notes on things he needed that Josie was to ensure he had. Letter's she needed to write to ensure the places he stopped were expecting him and arrangements for lodgings and food were taken care of. The notes were brief and barely filled half the page. On the side that bore my name was a detailed schedule on how my day would go, from when I usually woke up to when I went to sleep and everything in between. I noticed she had written in things I typically liked to do, like when I sat around the fire with the others at night, when I went to take meals with either Orara or Cullen. She had scheduled around these things, writing in when I would take lessons, when I would join the advisers and the Herald in the war room to discuss matters that required our attention.

“Fucking Christ,” I swore, “Do you plan out when I got to the bathroom, too?”

“I am merely trying to ensure you have time to do all the things required of you as well as the things you enjoy,” she said, flushing. I laughed and shook my head.

“Well, thanks,” I said, glancing out the window. “Looks like I should be heading to etiquette lessons.”

"Madam Seer?" came Josephine's timid voice. I looked at her curiously, quickly correcting her to use my name instead of my title. She nodded and stood, walking over and wrapping her arms around me tightly. I was surprised. While Josephine had relaxed a bit around me, I still got the feeling she was intimidated by me and as such, she tended to avoid me.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I can't imagine what you went through, but I'm glad you're here with us. Thank you for your help. I will endeavor to make this as painless as possible." My arms came around her and I buried my face in her shoulder. She smelled sweet, like those bottles of 'Amber Rose' perfume and she was warm.

"Thank you," I said. "I know you're only doing this because you have to."

"We owe you a great deal," she told me, pulling away. "The least I can do is make this as painless as possible." I nodded and turned to the door.


	22. Be The Change

I climbed the winding steps to the area I remembered Vivienne had secured for herself. I had always thought it impractical, but when I got to the top, I suddenly understood her motives. Sound traveled perfectly from the lower level and Vivienne would be able to hear almost every bit of whispered gossip. It also gave her a clear view of the gates and courtyard as well as the throne room. She had put her room in the very center of Skyhold. I looked around to see that the few pieces of furniture had been pushed to the side to make a large space. On a low table sat a kind of strange gramophone with a large cylinder on it. Cullen was standing by Vivienne, his arms crossed as they argued about something. I briefly debated escaping, but Cullen saw me and called me over.

“Can you please explain that this does not need to be a three-hour lesson,” he growled.

“ _Three hours_?!” I almost shrieked. “No, no, no. Josie only said an hour!”

“But, darling,” Vivienne cooed, sauntering towards me. “Don't you want to be prepared for Orlais?”

“I'm a Seer,” I hissed. “I already know what is going to happen at the Winter Palace?”

“Good, can you tell me and we'll skip the dance lessons,” Cullen snarked.

“No, you're a _terrible_ actor, Cullen and there's no way you could keep it a secret,” I said.

“ _Pardon_!” Cullen cried, indignant.

“She has a point there, darling,” Vivienne said, looking at a glaring Cullen. “Now, enough talk. The first lesson is dancing.” Vivienne turned on the gramophone and I stepped towards Cullen who gave a small cough and blushed.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Vivienne said, cutting the music. Cullen and I sighed and shared an exasperated look.

“Cullen, you must take that armor off,” she huffed, waving her hands. Cullen groaned but did as he was asked until he wore only a simple red long sleeve shirt and his breeches. We stepped closer to each other again, Cullen's arm coming around my back while I rested my hand on his broad shoulder. We clasped hands and began moving in accordance with Vivienne's instructions.

“How did I get roped into this,” Cullen sighed.

“It could be worse,” I said.

“How could this be worse?” Cullen asked, disbelieving.

“You could be dancing with Madam De Fur,” I said.

“Okay, yes, that would be worse.” 

“Left, darlings, left!” Vivienne corrected in a sharp voice.

“Okay, I have a plan,” I murmured. “The moment she's distracted we slip out of here via the library and hide in the barn until dinner.”

“I'm game,” Cullen said. As it turned out, we didn't need to wait long. A messenger arrived, handing Vivienne a letter that she excused herself to read. The moment she was out of sight, Cullen and I made a mad dash for the library, laughing like teenagers as we quickly descended the stairs. We got to Solas' room and the elf looked at us strangely.

“If De Fur asks, we were never here!” I hissed, putting my finger to my lips. Solas grinned.

“Of course,” he said, inclining his head. Just then, we heard Vivienne scream out;

“Oh, come now!”

Cullen grabbed my hand and dashed out the door that led to his office. We took the stairs to the courtyard and quickly ran to the barn, hiding up in the second story, laughing at ourselves. I collapsed back against a bale of hay, Cullen sitting beside me.

“We escaped!” I cheered.

“Yes, we did,” Cullen sighed, flopping back to lay next to me. I let my eyes fall shut, enjoying the peace and quiet of the barn. I felt a hand card through my hair and looked up to find Cullen leaning over me, propped up on his one arm while his other one was reaching over and playing with my hair.

“Your hair's grown out,” he commented with a nervous laugh. “I can see the blonde.”

“Yeah, I need to find some kind of dye to cover it,” I sighed, pulling my bangs down to look at the two inches of ash-colored root.

“You should leave it,” he said.

“You don't like my green hair?” I questioned.

“I do,” he said. “But I'd like to see your blonde hair, too.”

“No promises,” I said. “Though it will probably take me awhile to find a way to fix my hair if there even is one.”

“Well, then I hope there isn't,” Cullen grinned. I stuck my tongue out at him and he chuckled. I let my eyes fall shut, enjoying the gentle feel of his fingers in my hair.

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Go ahead.”

“You're a very affectionate person,” he said.

“That's not a question, dear,” I pointed out. He chuckled.

“Why? Why are you so affectionate?”

“You make it sound like it's a bad thing,” I said. “Does it bother you?”

“It's...strange...”

“Should I stop hugging you?”

“Wha- No!” he cried. I laughed.

“Okay, calm down,” I said.

“It's just...I see you kiss Gethorn, and...”

“I kiss you,” I reminded him.

“How is it so easy for you?” he said, exasperated. I was silent for a long time, my gaze locked on the cracks in the ceiling where light spilled through.

“There is enough hate in this world,” I said. “Enough hiding ourselves and hating, angry words and cruel gestures. So when I love someone, I'm as free with my affections as they're comfortable with. If it's just casual touches or hugs or kisses, then so be it. I had a shirt in my world that said 'Free Hugs' across the front. I used to wear it all the time.”

“Did you really?” he laughed. “Did anyone ever ask you for a hug?”

“Oh, all the time!” I giggled. “From kids to teenagers, even little old ladies. It was great!”

“Why, though?” he asked. “That seems strange.”

“There are times people just need a hug,” I said. “Why not? Maybe me giving some person a hug gives them the strength to get through the day, maybe it pulls them together.” I lifted my hand, watching the beams of light dance through my fingers.

“Be the change you want in the world,” I said, turning my head and smiling at him. “Maybe my change is that I want everyone to be kind and love one another.” Cullen stared at me, amber eyes intent on my face before his lips curled into a grin and he chuckled.

“Yes, I see,” he said, laying his head on the haybale. I smirked as I heard a cough and recognized Blackwalls voice as he cried.

“If you two are getting' it on, can ya do it somewhere else?”

“Oh CULLEN!” I cried, smacking my hands on the hay loudly. Cullen turned bright red and I promptly fell off the bale laughing.

“Evil woman!” he hissed, jumped to his feet and strolling towards the stairs.

“Wait! I'm sorry! I'll behave!” I called, scrambling to my feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Chapter, another little picture. Sorry it took so long today, I was drawing the pic for you guys. ;)


	23. Fight Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _words_ =Elvish

Vivienne didn't let us get away so easily again, though Cullen and I still tried. 

The dress fitting's turned out to be as horrible as I had thought they would. I was in a constant battle of wills with the seamstress to tone down the dress while she wanted it to be as flamboyant as possible. One such fight had ended with us shouting at each other her in Orlesian and me in Elvish. Cullen had come storming in, having heard it on his way to delivering Josephine some papers.

“ENOUGH!” he had bellowed, causing us to both whip around in his direction. Amber eyes landed on me and he crooked his finger, turning on his heel and marching out.

I was floored, and a little turned on, to be honest. I quickly grabbed my staff and raced after him. He had led me out to the training grounds, pulling off his mantle and tossing it aside before picking up a sword and shield.

“Let's train, Seer,” he said.

“You're kidding.” Cullen had vehemently refused to spar with me before, why now?

“You're in a foul mood lately and you need to get some things off your chest,” Cullen said. “Let's go.”

“I'll hurt you,” I said. Cullen snorted.

“Doubtful.”

“You're on then!” I cried, blasting fire out of my palm. Cullen tilted his shield down, directing the blast at the ground. He charged me and I jumped back, grunting as the practice sword smacked my arm. I spun my staff, gripping it with both hands and blocking his next blow.

“Good,” he praised, before sweeping out his leg and knocking me to the ground. I rolled as he went to land another whack and jumped to my feet, casting an ice spell. The magic fizzled out as Cullen used spell purge, causing the veil to snap back into place jarringly. I swore loudly and struck his shoulder with the gem of my staff as he charged me, shield held up to ram into me. It clipped my arm and flung me back to the ground.

“Fucking...” I jumped up, blasting Cullen with a lightning spell that knocked him back. I gave him a smug smile and threw a stonefist spell at him that he rolled to dodge. On and on we went, basically beating each other up with our weapons with Cullen having a clear advantage. I cried out when he whacked my rump with the flat side of the practice sword, looking at his smirking face. It ended when he pinned me to the ground, the tip of the wooden blade resting against my collarbone.

“I win,” he said.

“Was there ever any doubt?” I asked. He tossed the shield and sword back where he had gotten them and helped me to my feet.

“Feel better?” he asked, brushing my clothes off.

“I do.” I had thrown my arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his sweaty cheek. “Thank you.”

My lessons with Lelianna were blessedly brief, mostly consisting of her directing me on how to hide my emotions and recognize when someone was probing for information. And of course the scent of different poisons that might be placed in my drink. She had tested my knowledge by lightly dousing one drink with poison and having me drink which one I thought was okay. It had only taken three sessions of violent puking and choking down the antidote for me to be able to do it flawlessly.

Weeks passed and I waited eagerly for word that Gethorn was on his way home, hoping he was okay.

As my magic grew, so did my frustration with the things I wasn't able to do with it. I pushed myself hard, expecting perfection so much so that Solas often scolded me for it.

“Nothing was ever accomplished overnight, little heart,” he had said on more than one occasion.

This led me to sitting in the rotunda, glaring at my phone which lay on his desk, the charger resting next to it.

“You're not going to get it,” Madison said from the couch where he was tightening the string on his bow. I turned my glower on him, but he only grinned. 

While Madison was leery of Solas he seemed inexplicably drawn to him, often joining us in the Rotunda and messing around, listening to us talk in Elvish and even asking the elf's advise on occasion.  
Solas peered over at me from the side of the room where he was painting what would become the Inquisitors journey.

“ _Falon, be careful,_ ” he warned.

“ _I know, I know,_ ” I sighed. My last endeavor had ended in an explosion of the charger that had sent shrapnel of plastic and wire dangerously close to my eyes. The charger plug had been lost but I had luckily found a second one in my purse. I plugged the charger into the phone, carefully focusing my mana into my hands as I held the plug in them. I directed a gentle flow of electricity in it, feeling the veil warp and bend to my will as I stared intently at the screen, watching for the faintest sign of power. When none came, I threw the plug down on the desk and gave a cry of disgust.

“ _Patience, falon._ ” I snorted and put my elbow on the table, propping my chin up in my hand. Solas let out an amused sigh and walked towards me, wiping his hands on a square of cloth that was stained with paint. He gently threaded his fingers through my hair in a calming gesture.

“ _Focus your energy_ ,” he directed. 

“ _I have been,_ ” I huffed. “ _I don't know what I'm doing wrong_.” Madison wandered over to join us while Solas inspected the charger.

“You know it's in backward, don't you?” he asked, arching a brow. Solas and I both stopped before I took the phone in my hands. Sure enough, the charger was in the port upside down. I groaned and quickly fixed it while Solas chuckled. 

“Did you understand us?” I asked Madison with a quirked brow.

“Bits and pieces,” he said. “Hanging around you I kind of have to.”

“I offered to teach you!” I cried, exasperated. He shrugged and leaned his hip against the desk while I rolled my eyes. Solas gave a breathy laugh, his lips curled into an affectionate smile.

“ _Silly little blade_ ,” he said.

“ _I thought I was 'little heart',_ ” I said.

“ _Why not both?_ ” he asked with a tilt of his head. He reached over, giving my hair a stroke that had him pausing.

“ _Are you feeling well, my friend?_ ” he inquired with a concerned look.

“ _Yes, why?_ ” I questioned.

“ _You're warm_ ,” he said.

“ _I am?_ ” I asked, surprised. “ _I feel fine_.” He gave me an uncertain look, his hand passing over my forehead and moving down to my neck.

“ _One more try and then I want you to go take a nap,_ ” he instructed.

“ _I'm thirty! Are you really making me go nap like a child?_ ”

“ _Until your fever goes down, yes,_ ” he said, leveling me with a look that made me realize if I didn't go willingly, he'd drag me kicking and screaming.

“Fine,” I huffed. He nodded and leaned against the desk, watching as I took the charger in my hand again, directing the gentle flow of energy into the plug. I waited with baited breath as I watched the screen intently. Suddenly, it flickered before coming to life, the charging symbol lighting up the screen.  I laughed, bouncing in my seat as I carefully directed my mana.

“Sweet!” Madison cried, looking at the screen as the charge gauge went up. I drew back my energy as it charged too fast, worried I would overload the battery. It took fifteen minutes, but the gauge reached 100% and I quickly stopped feeding it. I pulled the phone off the charger to be sure and powered it on, my excitement mounting as the screen flickered to life, showing my background and the time. I knew it was off since the clock read 7 a.m and it was around noon. I grinned and looked up at Solas who smiled at me with pride.

“Come,” he said, urging me to my feet. I stood, casting Madison an exasperated looked that he only smirked at. Solas guided me to my room, helping to remove my corset when I struggled with it.

“ _Most women can do this easily,_ ” he teased. I blew a raspberry at him, causing him to laugh. He smoothed one of his hands over the back of my neck, brushing my hair out of the way. I relaxed into his touch, his fingers gentle and soothing on my skin.

“ _I didn't know you had a tattoo,_ ” he remarked.

“ _My clothes and hair cover them,_ ” I said.

“ _Them?_ ” he asked. I turned, giving him a playful wink and moving behind my dressing screen.

“ _Little heart?_ ” he asked.

“ _Wanna see?_ ” I asked with a giggle. I stripped down to my smalls and waited.

“ _I am curious, but you sound like you're up to something,_ ” he remarked and I could almost see the arch of his brow of the quirk of his lips. I donned my robe, leaving it open as I stepped out. Solas let out a soft gasp as his eyes traveled over me, taking in the massive phoenix that twisted up my leg, holding a shield that bore a compass, the Greek words 'E tan e epi tas'. Broken chains hung from the shield, winding around the phoenix's claws in pieces. On my other leg, a fierce depiction of the Egyptian god Bes stared out, it's lips curled into a snarl as it brandished a sword in one hand and an Egyptian rattle in the other. My stomach bore a complicated pattern that was made up of tiny dots that swirled away from my pierced belly button. On my bicep was a dragon with green scales and white markings. When I was sure he had seen them all, I dropped the collar of the robe to my elbows, turning around and pulling my hair up to show him the design on my shoulders that showed curling vines of ivy grasping as a Celtic knot on my spine and twisting out to hold a rose at my left shoulder and a line of runes at my left.

“ _Fascinating,_ ” Solas breathed. “ _They're so colorful. They're unlike anything I've ever seen_.”

“ _Thank you_ ,” I said, pulling my robe up as a chill traveled down my spine.  
I ducked behind the screen again, removing my smalls and pulling on my nightgown. When I stepped into the room again I saw Solas tucking a bed warmer under the down mattress. He took my hand, pulling me towards the bed and gently urging me down. I crawled under the warming covers, suddenly feeling very tired. 

“ _What do the words on your leg mean_?” he asked. I yawned, nuzzling down into fluffy pillows and thick blankets.

“ _Later_ ,” I said. He chuckled, pressing a lingering kiss on my brow.

“ _You're burning up,_ ” he breathed.

“ _Sleepy_ ,” I murmured, dropping off as I heard him rush out of the room with a swear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter and another picture! I'm on a roll! Hope you enjoy!


	24. All I Have To Do Is Dream

I had strange dreams, demons pouring out of rifts that tore open across Skyhold, fighting demons and wraiths that fell out until one by one we were overpowered and dragged into the fade with a scream. Bull being burned, the smell of scorched flesh making me gag as rage demons pulled him into the rift. Cullen being flung like a rag doll, hitting a stone with a sickening crack. Leliana looking into my eyes, mouthing the word 'run' as a demon's claws burst through her chest and she gurgled blood. Madison struggling as wrath demons direct their power at him, causing him to buckle, his bow laying useless beside him. I watched as Vivienne, Dorian, Garrett, and Solas were conquered by desire demons, becoming twisted abominations that joined in the destruction around them. The cackling voice of the fear demon taunted me, telling me that I would lose everything I loved, nothing could stop Corypheus, everything I did was for naught. I screamed as Gethorn was struck down, crumbling like a broken doll, a rage demon standing behind him, swollen and burning.

“Falon!”

I jerked awake to find Solas hovering over me, his hands gripping my shoulders while he gazed at me, concerned.

“Solas,” I asked, puzzled. He hushed me gently, easing me back down into the bed as I shivered.

“You were having a fever dream,” he said, pulling the blankets up to my chin.

“I'm so cold,” I whimpered. “What's wrong with me?”

“You have frost-cough,” he said gently, pouring some sickly yellow liquid into a cup and tipping it into my mouth. I gagged, forcing myself to swallow the acidic mixture. He quickly chased the potion with a sweet berry juice, smoothing his hand over my brow.

“How long have I slept?” I asked.

“A full day,” he said. “You've been roused into waking enough to drink broth or sap juice. Mostly, though, you've slept.” I struggled with the blanket, trying to push it off me.

“I can't lay in bed,” I protested. “I have things to do...”

“You are not going anywhere,” Solas said, sharply. His voice was so stern, it made me pause. He pushed me down onto the bed, pulling the covers back over me.

“You will lay here until you are better,” he ordered, his tone brooking no room for argument. “Frost-cough can be deadly.” I vaguely remembered some codex reference to it and decided I would let Solas have his way. I shivered even when he refilled the bed warmer. When Solas stroked my cheek, I leaned into his warm hand, whimpering.

“I'm so cold,” I stammered.

“Da’lath’in,” he cooed. “Your lips are turning blue.”

“So c-cold.” Solas climbed under the covers, pulling me into his arms so I rested against his chest. I mewled, snuggling down into the warmth of his body, my shivering so intense my muscles were cramping.

“Sleep, Da’lath’in,” he said.

“Can't,” I complained. “Tell me a story.” Solas chuckled at this.

“Whatever could I possibly tell the Seer?”

“I don't know everything,” I said. “Tell me about Arlathan.” I listened as Solas described beautiful structures of crystal and living tree's, magic having coaxed the branches to bend a certain way. He spoke of roads, lined with glowing stones and golden fountains that spewed whispering water. I listened intently as he talked, describing it all in such vivid details I could easily picture it. I lay my head on his chest, listening to the rumble of his voice as my eyes grew heavy.

“I wish I could have seen it,” I murmured. Solas paused, his hand moving to my loose locks, stroking them.

“So do I, falon,” he said sadly.

“Maybe you can show me,” I yawned. “In the fade.”

“If that is your wish,” he said. “Though it is hard to find you in the fade.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my fatigue ebbing. “You've tried?”

“I have,” he said. “You're always so surrounded by spirits, though.”

“Is that bad?” I asked. “Should I worry?”

“No,” he said. “They are benevolent spirits. Spirits of wisdom and creativity that are attracted to the new things you show them from your world. Spirits of love that enjoy the affection you posses for your friends. And spirits of Learning that enjoy your humor.”

“My humor?” I asked.

“You're quite mischievous,” he said with a grin. I laughed.

“Oh that's rich coming from Fen'harel,” I said without thinking. Silence met my words and I turned to find Solas staring at me with a mixture of shock and anger. I felt my heart stop in my chest.

“You knew?” he asked. 

“I did,” I said with a slow nod. “But surely you guessed that.”

“I had my suspicions, but then I thought...” he trailed off, shaking his head.

“Thought what?” I asked.

“You were so relaxed towards me, so eager for my company,” he said. “I thought if you knew, you would try to stop me or distance yourself.” I  remained quiet, laying my head on his chest.

“Do you plan to stop me?” he asked, his voice holding a hard edge. 

“I plan to change your mind, falon,” I said. “To show you this world is worth saving.” 

“But not to stop me?” he questioned. 

“No, falon,” I sighed. “Even if I had the power, things have to play out as they will.” I moved to pull away from him, but he tightened his grip, keeping me tucked into his side.

“You could change everything, though,” he argued. “Why won't you?” I looked at him sadly, my expression the same one he had given the Inquisitor when they met at the Eluvian. 

“Because, ma fen,” I said, lifting my hand and cupping his cheek. “Every other option is worse. I hate it, hate that I can't stop you, but I have to let it happen. I am left with only the knowledge that you will do what you feel you must or you will see how beautiful this world is and find another way. I cannot interfere.” Solas gave me a sad smile, his own hand lifting so he could trail his fingers along my cheekbone. 

“You think there is beauty in this world?” he asked.

“I do,” I said. “You are clouded by the past. True, the Dalish are not a good example of it, but is there nothing in this world you wouldn't wish to keep?” Solas' lips quirked.

“You,” he said.

“Me?”

“You are radiant, falon,” he said. “You are like the sun, so warm, shining, brilliant.”

“I am not so special."

“You are,” he said, his voice holding a strange tone. “You are a flower, born in a desolate wasteland, determined to bloom and bring joy.”

“There is enough sorrow in this world without me adding to it,” I said. 

“You are also the elfiest human,” he teased. I laughed, slapping his chest lightly.

“Dork,” I said.

“It speaks to your acceptance of people, no matter how they differ from you, that you speak my language and embrace the children as if they were no different,” he said, trailing his index finger down the bridge of my nose in an oddly paternal way.

“They aren't,” I said. “We all bleed and love and cry. People focus on the few things that make us different instead of all the things that make us the same.”

“If only more thought like you did,” he said. I smiled and lay my head on his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“What will you do with me?” I asked.

“Do?” he questioned. “Nothing.”

“You're not worried?”

“No,” he said. “You have kept my secret this long.”

“I love you,” I said. Solas stiffened for a moment before whispering something I failed to hear as sleep finally overcame me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone gets all upset an starts screaming 'Solas would kill that bitch!' There's a reason he won't. When you find out. *boooom!* mind blown. Also, if there are any scenes you guys really want to see, let me know!


	25. Wake Me Up Inside

Rage demons tore at me, their searing hands pulling at me as I screamed. I kicked out my legs, fighting to escape, but more joined, shouting at each other. Tears stained my cheeks as sweat soaked my gown.

“Let them go,” I begged, watching in horror as my friends were slaughtered by a cackling Coreypheus. Blood spurted from Cullen's slit throat and a tormented scream was rent from my lips. I clawed urgently at the hands that held me, desperate to run to them, desperate to save them.

“Stop!” came a despairing cry and I sobbed all the harder, hanging my head so I didn't have to watch as Solas was torn apart.

“Mamae!” I screamed, begging Coreypheus to stop, not to kill the boy I loved like a son. He laughed at my pleas, circling Gethorn.

“Please stop!” I cried out. “Please!”

“Baby, you gotta wake up!” came an urgent voice at my side. The hands vanished and I was hauled into a burning embrace, someone rocking me.

“Please wake up,” Gethorn begged. I froze, looking around me. 

This wasn't real.

I was in the fade.

Corypheus vanished along with the demons and images of my loved ones, showing only a wild, twisting land. I looked behind me to see spirits floating nearby, watching me with interest.

“Baby, please wake up,” came that voice again.

I forced my eyes open, the Fade dissolving away. I looked up to find Garrett leaning over me, his face twisted in concern. Behind him, Gethorn and Madison stood, watching me worriedly.

“What...what happened?” I croaked. Gethorn lifted a glass to my lips and I took great gulps of liquid.

“Your fever broke and you started having nightmares,” Madison explained.

“We tried waking you,” Garrett murmured, pushing my hair from my sweat soaked face, “but you fought with us.”

“Mamae,” Gethorn whimpered. I reached for him, my arms feeling like lead. I heard the door of my room burst open and watched Cullen come running in, Solas on his tail.

“She's up,” Cullen said with a sigh of relief. Solas walked over, looking me over.

“Her fever finally broke,” he commented, tipping a potion into my mouth.

“Thank the Maker,” Cullen said, coming over to the bed and sitting on it opposite Garrett.

“What are you guys doing home?” I asked, looking at Garrett and Gethorn.

“We finished our business in Crestwall,” Gethorn said.

“How long have I been asleep?” I asked, concerned.

“You've slept off and on for several days,” Solas explained. “We took shifts watching you.”

“We just arrived,” Garrett said. “We were worried when you weren't at the gate.”

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I should have been there to greet you.”

“Don't fret, sweetness,” Garrett said. “We'd just have dragged you off to bed.”

“Promise?” I asked with a leer. Garrett smirked, arching a brow.

“Ew, Mamae!” Gethorn gagged. I laughed, the sound of mirth turning into a hacking cough. I was turned onto my hands a knee's, Solas holding a cloth over my mouth that smelled of embrium. I gagged and spat up a thick wad of yellow phlegm. Solas gave me another potion when I was done and a cup of juice to cleanse my mouth.

“I need a bath,” I complained.

“You can't bathe on your own,” Solas said.

“I could take her to the communal bathhouse,” Cullen suggested. Garett arched a brow at this as did Solas.

“Okay,” I said, moving to stand. My knee's buckled and I almost collapsed if not for Cullen's arms coming around me.

“Here,” he said, lifting me into his arms bridal style. “Can someone get her a change of clothes?”

Madison grabbed something from my wardrobe and handed it to me. Cullen smiled and began to walk through Skyhold, taking me to the bathhouse. When we got to the communal baths, I noticed Orara and Cylan were there with the kids.

“Madam Seer,” Orara greeted, standing and moving towards me, heedless of her nudity. “Are you feeling better?”

“My fever finally broke,” I said. “I'm still weak, though.”

“You poor dear,” she cooed, grabbing me a stool. “Come, I will help you.” I sat on the stool, letting her strip off my clothes while Cullen removed his by the door. He took both our garments and left them at the door, coming over to me with a bucket. I looked up at him, noticing he had a towel draped around his hips. He set a stool next to me, sitting down as Orara helped me wash.

“You must be thrilled, Commander,” she commented. Cullen blushed, looking nervous.

“Wh-why's that?” he asked. Orara chuckled.

“You were so sad when she was sick,” the elf said.

“I was worried,” he said, bending over to wash his legs. Orara smirked and looked over to where her children were.

“Well, the kids need me,” she sighed. “I'm sure the commander can help you finish.” Cullen flushed and fidgeted with the soap, nodding. Orara cast him a look and walked back over to Cylan. Cullen cleared his throat and moved his stool behind me, lathering up the soap in his hand and working it into my hair.

“What was that about?” I asked.

“Just some teasing,” he said. “We were all worried. You were very sick.”

“I'm sorry,” I said, feeling guilty.

“Don't be sorry,” he chuckled. “You couldn't help it.” I relaxed into the feeling of his fingers massaging my scalp. Cullen lifted the bucket and slowly poured water over my hair, cleansing it of the soap before grabbing a bottle of hair oil, the Thedosian version of conditioner, and working it in.

“Does it bother you being naked around me?” I asked.

“A little,” he admitted. “It doesn't bother you?”

“No,” I said. “I used to go to nude beaches all the time.” Cullen choked on nothing, his hands faltering.

“They have those in your world?” 

“Yeah, I love them,” I said. He laughed and shook his head as I peered at him over my shoulder.

“You're such a free spirit,” he said, looking at me affectionately. I grinned, leaning back into him. His hands came up, hovering in the air, no doubt unsure of where he could touch since I was naked.

“Nudity doesn't have the same significance for me,” I explained. “To me, it's a natural state. I keep my clothes on because I understand that it makes others uncomfortable, but if there was no stigma to it, I'd run around naked all the time.” His arms slowly came down, careful not to touch my breast. I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. He was warm, his skin wet and slick. I admired his muscled arms, running my fingers along the curve of his biceps down to his forearms which were lightly dusted with golden hair.

“Like my arms?” he asked with a chuckle.

“They're very muscular,” I said. “Now I know why you can pick me up so easily.” He hummed in acknowledgment of my compliment, his hand stroking my stomach.

“I like your tattoos,” he said, peering over my shoulder.

“Thank you,” I said. “Solas was amazed by the colors.”

“Solas has seen you naked?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “But he saw the one on my back and so I showed him the others.” Cullen nodded in understanding and we fell silent for a time until Cullen sighed and moved to stand.

“I need to get you dressed,” he said. He pulled me toward the door, grabbing a towel and helping me dry off. He pulled his own clothes on, then began dressing me in a soft cotton gown that hung off my shoulders. It was obvious that a corset was meant to be worn with it, but Madison hadn't put one with it and I didn't complain. Madison had also forgotten to put in a breast band, though, and the dress did little to mask this fact, clinging to the curves of my breast. Cullen picked me up, carrying me back up to my room where my sheets had been stripped and a servant was replacing them. On a table sat a steaming bowl of stew, a tall glass of milk and a flaky roll of bread. The servant bowed to me, blushing darkly.

“F-forgive me Madam Seer,” she said. “I was just finishing.”

“It's fine,” I said. “Take your time. I don't think I could stay in bed for another moment.”

“Now now,” came Garrett's voice from the doorway. I turned to find him carrying a cache of potions and grin on his face.

“Your teacher said you need to eat, take your potions and then get lots and lots of rest,” he scolded.

“But I've been in bed for days,” I whined. “My legs hurt.”

“That's what this is for,” Garrett said, holding up a clay jar. “Solas is making more potions so he told me to rub it into your legs to alleviate the pain.”

“I can do that,” Cullen offered.

“It's fine,” Garrett said, setting the box on my desk. “You helped bathe her. I can do this.”

“I don't mind,” Cullen said.

“It's fine,” Garrett repeated with a dismissive wave of his hand. Cullen scowled and I looked at him, confused.

“It's alright Cullen,” I said, thinking that maybe he thought I was worried about Garrett touching my legs because of some kind of discomfort. Cullen looked at me, then sighed.

“Very well,” he said. “I have to run to my office to check on some reports, but I'll be back.” He gave Garrett a pointed look before walking over and brushing a kiss on my lips.

“Follow Solas' orders,” he said sternly. “If I find you wandering around Skyhold...”

“Yes, yes, I know,” I huffed. He gave me a small smile and excused himself. When he was gone, I turned to Garrett who was uncapping the jar and moving over to where I was seated. The stuff in the jar had a menthol smell to it that reminded me of the creams people used to alleviate muscle pain.

“Did you guys complete the mission?” I asked.

“We did,” he said. “Then we went to the Western approach. It seems the Wardens had been naughty.”

“You met Erimond?” I asked. Garrett paused, shaking his and walking over to kneel between my legs.

“I will never get used to that,” he chuckled, pushing my skirt up to my hips. “We got word you were sick and hurried back.”

“You rushed back here because I was sick?” I asked.

“Well, Harding's report said you were very ill,” he said. “Gethorn burst into tears. He's very attached to you.”

“You should have told him I'd be fine,” I huffed. 

“You don't know how sick you were, do you?” he asked.

“Apparently not,” I grumbled.

“Solas said you'd been sleeping for almost a week straight,” he said. “He had to wake you to give you potions and food. He took shifts with Madison and Cullen.”

“I didn't mean to worry everyone,” I fretted.

“We worry because we care,” Garrett said, scooping some of the poultices into his hand and smoothing it along my leg. He paused, eyeing the tattoo's there before beginning a mind-numbing massage on the sore muscles.

“Interesting,” he said. “I don't think I've ever seen tattoo's like this.” His hand rubbed over my thigh, tracing the design with his finger before he massaged the tense muscle. I relaxed as his calloused hands worked on my legs, his strong figures coaxing the muscles into loosening.

“I like your tattoo,” I said, reaching over and tracing the Amell crest on his bicep. He chuckled, looking down at it.

“Isabella did it,” he said. “It's not very good. Not like yours.”

“I like it,” I said. Garrett looked up at me, smirking.

“Are you not wearing a breast band?” he asked. I giggled at this, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Madison forgot to include one and I didn't want to put the dirty one back on,” I explained. “Does it bother you?” He arched a brow, his eyes dropping to my chest.

“Does it bother me to see your lovely breast covered only by a thin layer of cotton?” he purred. “Not at all.” I rolled my eyes, pushing his shoulder while he laughed. He stood, cleaning his hands off and lifting me into his arms. I cried out in surprise at being abruptly lifted from the chair, flinging my arms around his neck.

“Time for you to eat, then rest,” he said, carrying me to the bed. He set me down on it gently, retrieving the tray and placing it on my lap. I dug into the food, feeling like I hadn't eaten in days. Garrett pulled out several potions, setting them on my night table.

“When do you go to Adament?” I asked.

“We need to gather as many men as we can,” Garrette said, handing me a potion I quickly downed, chasing it with milk before taking the next one he offered me. “It will probably be a month or so.”

“So soon?” I pouted.

“We'll be back before you know it,” he assured. I drank the last of my potions and finished off the food, relaxing back into the mattress. Garrett gathered the dishes on the tray and brushed my hair back from my face, setting the tray on my bedside table.

"I have something for you," he said and I looked at him, surprised. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a long, delicate chain. On the end was a crescent moon made of silver and etched with an intricate curling design. Hanging from the top of the crescent, cradled in the curve was a gem of a deep blue that had the grey warden's Griffen carved into it. I stared at it in shock as he held it out to me.

"Garrett," I breathed. "It's beautiful!" He grinned, placing it gently in my cupped hands.

"You like it?" he asked. "I took it from one of the warden's we fought in the Hissing Wastes. I saw it and thought of you." I blushed, looking at the necklace in awe. It was beautifully made and would have fetched a pretty bit of coin if he sold it. I looked up at him, touched that he had thought of me.

"Put it on me?" I asked, holding it out to him. He beamed, taking it and looping the chain around my neck, his fingers at the nape of my neck made me shiver slightly. When it was clasped, he trailed his fingers along the chain, over my collarbone to fix it as his gold eyes locked with mine. The pendant rested lightly on my chest and I touched it carefully.

"Thank you, Garrett," I said sincerely. I leaned forward, my arms out and he moved into them, his arms coming around my ribs. I hugged him tightly, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I'm glad you like it," he said. "I know you have a special respect for the Warden's and I thought you needed a necklace. It looked like something you would wear."

"I'm...That's so sweet," I said softly, pulling back to look at him. "Thank you for thinking of me." He chuckled softly, urging me back to the bed, giving me a soft kiss that landed on the corner of my mouth. 

"How can I not think of someone like you?" he asked. I giggled at his joke and shook my head.

“Sleep well,” he said. He paused, looking like he wanted to say something else, but he grabbed the tray and walked out the door, leaving me to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe, some sweet little moments. And Garrett got our girl a gift. Could this be a courting gift?


	26. The Thunder Rolls

I walked over to the fire and the group called to me cheerfully.

“We thought you were dead!” Varric called.

“Nah, can't kill me that easily,” I laughed.

“Should you be out of bed?” Cullen asked, eyeing me.

“Yes,” I said. “I can't stay in my room another minute! I refuse! Don't make meh go back, masta!” I grabbed Cullen's hand and swooned dramatically as he scowled.

“It's not funny,” he said. “You should be resting.”

“Oh, leave her _alone_!” Garrett called from his spot, leaning back against a log, his arm propped over the top. “She needs some fresh air. C'mere, baby. _I'll_ protect you.” He motioned me over with his hand, making sympathetic faces at me. I scurried to his side, tucking under his arm and pointing at Cullen.

“You can't make me go back! I wanna be _free_!” Cullen rolled his eyes as Garrett's arm dropped from the log, winding around my shoulders and pulling me close.

“Stop trying to repress us, Templar,” he sighed dramatically. Cullen scowled darkly and I smacked Garrett's chest.

“Ah, ah, _former_ Templar,” I corrected. “And I'm the only one being repressed you drama queen.”

“Oh, I'd _press_ , I mean, _repress_ you all kinds of ways,” Garrett purred. I rolled my eyes.

“Hawke, dear?” I cooed. He hummed, tilting his head to look down at me.

“Don't make promises you can't keep,” I purred in a low bedroom voice. His brows shot up and the others around the fire laughed.

“Oh, _I'd keep it_ ,” he said, leaning closer to me so his face hovered over mine. I smirked, reaching out and trailing the tips of my fingers along his neck.

“Oh, sweety,” I gushed. “You'd fall in love and I'd fall _asleep_.” His jaw dropped open and there was a roar of laughter around the fire. Cullen almost fell off the stump he was perched on while Bull spilled his ale on the dirt at his feet.

“So _cruel_!” Garrett gasped, drawing back and grabbing his chest with his free hand. “I'm wounded, madam. Truly wounded.” I snickered and pressed a kiss to Hawke's cheek, wrapping my arms around him in a hug.

“I couldn't resist, sorry,” I said.

“Oh Maker, it hurts,” Cullen howled, grabbing his stomach. “Your face, Hawke. Oh, Maker! That was amazing! Woman, you _must_ marry me!”

“Nu-uh, she's _mine_!” Garrett said, hugging me to his chest. “After that little taunt, oooooh, I'ma wreck you, woman!” I shrieked with laughter, slapping my hand on the ground.

“Sorry, my heart belongs Cassandra,” I gasped out.

“Oh, _Maker_!” Cassandra groaned. “Don't drag me into your smut!”

“But, my love,” I cooed, rising to my knee's and holding my arms out. “We could be so beautiful together! Come to me, love. You know you want to.” Cassandra rolled her eyes and reached out, pushing my shoulder so I fell back against Garrett. I put my hand dramatically to my forehead and swooned.

“Alas! Rejected! My heart, it is broken!”

“Stop!” Cullen groaned, still laughing. “Oh stop! It _hurts_!”

“You have some serious lady balls there, Mom,” Varric said. “I can't believe you did that!” I looked at Madison, wiggling my brows.

“He don't know me vewy well, do he?” I asked, doing my best impression of Tweety Bird.

“Come, Seer,” Garrett said, scooping me up. “I will heal your heartbreak! We will make beautiful music!”

“Nope, I'm still holding out hope that the Seeker will change her mind,” I said.

“She rejected you again, Hawke,” Varric said.

“She will be mine!” the black haired mage declared, grinning wolfishly down at me as he pressed his forehead to mine. I pushed at his face, rolling my eyes.

“Down, boy, down.”

“Never!” he cried and pressed his lips to mine in a closed mouth kiss that lasted several seconds. He pulled away with a loud smacking sound, leering at me as the other's catcalled. My jaw hung open and I stared at him.

“I can't...so we're playing _that_ game?” I asked, sitting up. “I can play that game and I will win.”

“ _Do_ tell,” Garrett purred.

“Don't dare me, Hawke,” I warned. “I will sit here butt ass naked in front of everyone and give _zero_ fucks.”

“She will,” Madison warned. I noticed several heads turned in my direction, brows raised.

“I wouldn't mind,” Bull said.

“ _No_!” Cullen snapped. “ _Absolutely not!_ ”

“Jeeze, way to lift a girls self-esteem,” I grumbled.

“I didn't mean...ugh,” Cullen groaned.

“He's being protective, sweets,” Bull laughed. “Doesn't want you to get naked and have someone accost you.”

“Oh.” I relaxed against Garrett, resting my head on his knee which was bent up to cage me to him. Cullen shot Bull a grateful look that Bull nodded at.

“I heard you got your fin working,” Cullen said. I looked at him, puzzled.

“My _what_?” I asked.

“Fin? Fon? Uh,...the thing you said plays music.”

“Oh! My phone,” I laughed. “Yeah.”

“It plays music?” Garrett asked. “I want to hear.” I reached into my pocket, pulling said device out. I pulled open my music, flipping through the songs.

“Uhm, anyone have a metal bowl?” I asked. Madison ran and fetched one from the kitchens. I played 'Thunder Rolls' cover by All That Remains and set the end with the speaker in the bowl to amplify the sound. As the music blasted out, everyone turned to look at the device, eyes wide.

“That's _incredible_!” Hawke cried. “What is this music?”

“Yeah, I like it!” Bull said. “Beats listening to the tavern bard any day.” I hummed along, swaying softly to the music.

“It's not really a beat you can dance to,” Solas remarked, head cocked.

“I disagree,” I muttered.

“Oh?” Cullen asked. “Show us.”

“Fuck _no_ ,” I laughed. “No. No way. I need to be plastered for that to happen.”

“I haven't even seen this,” Madison said.

“Yes, you have,” I reminded him. “I danced for your wife on her birthday.” Madison thought for a moment then his jaw fell open and his eyes grew wide.

“Oh, I remember!” he cried. “Quick! Get her drunk! It's awesome!” A tankard was pressed to my lips and I took long deep drinks, breathing through my nose before pushing it away and coughing.

“What the _fuck_ is _that_? Jesus! Taste like _paint_!” Bull smirked and winked, which was more like a blink since he only had one eye. I sighed and took another long drink before switching to small sips. We waited, the conversation remaining light with frequent checks to see if I was drunk enough. Madison reached over, starting the song again and I sighed, standing up. I was dressed in my long nightgown, my feet bare.

I lifted my arms over my head as the guitar sparked up and slowly moved my hips, rolling them softly. As the drums picked up, I switched, the motions of my hips matching the beat. The guitar came back and I jerked them faster, twitching them to the rhythm. When the beat dropped I would sway my hips softly, lowering with the music and ease back up quickly when it picked up. I moved my hips like I had been taught ages ago when I took a belly dancing class out of sheer boredom. Slowly, I began moving my arms, gentle sways of movement, much more erratic than what they usually taught, but fitting with the beat. At one point when the song crescendoed, I spun around on my toes, my leg lifted as high in the air as I could make it go before I stopped, easing to my heel and slowly lowering my leg behind me.  I rolled my hips forward, my abdomen snaking. The song came to an end and as the guitar faded, I put one leg behind me, bracing my self as I slowly curved my body backward, my arms following so I formed an arch, my spine bowed as far as it would go. The music faded and there was loud applause. I jerked up and opened my eyes, having closed them to block out my audience and focus on my movements.

“ _Holy shit_ ,” Garrett breathed as I sat back down beside him

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” Cullen asked, his amber eyes wide.

“I took a class,” I said. “It's called belly dancing. I just kind of added my own thing.”

“Now,” Madison said. “She did that for my wife, to a much faster song, straddling my wife's legs.”

“Why?” Garrett asked, curious and shocked at the same time.

“She'd never had a lap dance,” I said, defensively. “She said she didn't want some stranger rubbing up on her but she was always curious. I offered.”

“I've never had a lap dance,” the mage blurted out. “Can I have one?”

“Sure, for your birthday,” I said with a smile. “It was Jin-Lee's birthday so she got a lapdance.”

“I will definitely hold you to that,” Garrett said and I looked over at him, one brow arched.

“It's very exotic,” Solas remarked, interrupting anything I may have said to the Champion. “It's almost like using the body as moving art.”

“That's really the purpose,” I said. “To the traditional music, it's more artistic. But I don't have any of that and I didn't take the class that long.

“Well, c'mon, Seer!” Garrett said, lifting me up. “Time to drag you to my bedroll and have my wicked way with you.”

“Oh put me down!” I cried, smacking his chest. “We've been over this. Plus, I'm too drunk for that shit.”

“Damn, foiled again,” Garrett sighed, plopping back to the ground. I rolled my eyes, sprawling out beside the fire, soaking up the heat. A gentle conversation sparked up and it wasn't long until my eyes were growing heavy and Solas was helping me up, shooing me off to bed. Garrett helpfully escorted my stumbling self to my rooms, chuckling when I sprawled out on the bed, having stripped to my smalls despite his presence, too tired to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was mostly silliness. Some light-hearted fun after all the seriousness. I was going to post the song for you guys, but I'm having some trouble so, blegh. Here's a link.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X04qMsjBJiw  
> Hope you liked it! Things are heating up for our girl!


	27. Fear Is A Lie

Several days later I was in the court-yard dressed in breeches and a shirt with long lace sleeves that ended in points on the backs of my hands. My clothes had turned out to be the perfect blend of finery and function and I loved them, giving Josephine a tight hug when I was done looking at all the new things in my closet. She had blushed prettily and hugged me back, saying she was glad I liked them.

I looked up at Solas who stood at my side, explaining how to do the Fade Step for the hundredth time. I had been trying to master it since before I got sick and never had any luck. All I succeeded in doing was face-planting on the ground or slamming into the barn much to Blackwall's amusement. 

I looked out at the space before me, concentrating on the veil, feeling it shift as I moved forward, only to goes ass over tea-kettle and land on my butt.

“Again,” Solas sighed. I stood and tried again, tripping and rolling over until I was on my back.

“Again,” Solas ordered, crossing his arms. I kept trying, my failure's punctuated with Solas saying, “Again.”

“She'll never learn like that.”

We both looked over to find Garrett walking towards us, dressed in brown breeches and a lawn shirt that was unlaced enough to expose a smattering of black chest hair.

“Oh? What would you suggest?” Solas inquired, brow quirked.

“She needs a target,” Garrett said, moving so he stood several feet away from us, holding out his arms dramatically as he beckoned me with both hands. “Come to me, Madam Seer.” He gave me one of his debonair grins, his tone light, and teasing. I looked over at Solas who nodded and turned back to Garrett, using my mana to warp the veil but this time, focusing on him as my destination. I slammed into him, hard, the two of us toppling to the ground. Garrett laughed, propping himself up on his elbows and looked up at me seated meekly on his hips.

“Not that I'm complaining about being pinned under a lovely woman, but you might want to rein it in next time,” he said.

“Sorry,” I said sheepishly, getting to my feet. Garrett stood up and I walked to where Solas stood, trying again. This time I reined in my powers, not wanting to hurt Garrett with my clumsiness. I stepped forward and hit Garrett's chest, this time more gently. His muscled arms came around me to steady me and he grinned.

“There you go,” he said. “Now, try again.” I tried again and again, testing how much power I would need to use. Anytime I overshot it and sent us tumbling to the ground, he just laughed and told me to try again, not the least perturbed at being bowled over. When, at last, I landed gently before him, a grin on my face, he cheered loudly, wrapping his arms around me.

“There ya go,” he said. “Can you do it again?” I beamed, racing back to a grinning Solas and turning to face Garrett. I warped the veil around me, stepping forward carefully and landing softly before the man.

“Good job!” he said. I giggled, bouncing on my feet and flinging my arms around his neck.

“Thank you for being my punching bag,” I said.

“Anytime, beautiful,” he said with a wink.

“Excellent, falon,” Solas said. “Now we can move on to Mind Blast. Ser Hawke, would you mind assisting?”

“Not at all,” he said. Solas explained how to do the Mind Blast while Garrett took his place near me, waiting patiently. With his explanation finished, Solas stepped away from me while Garrett moved closer.

“Alright, I'm ready,” he said, spreading his legs and bracing himself. I put my fingers to my forehead, turning my will into mana and instructing the veil to act accordingly. My eyes fell shut of their own accord as a ring of sheer power rippled out around me, only to fly open at the sound of Garrett swearing loudly, followed by a loud crash. Garrett had been lifted into the air and thrown a good fifteen feet into one of the builders scaffolds, the impact of his body cracking the wood boards used.

“Garrett!” I cried, rushing to his side.

“I think...she's got it...” he groaned, wincing as he pulled himself out of the wreckage.

“I'm so sorry,” I gasped, wrapping my arms around him. Solas stepped behind him and began to pull wooden slivers out of his skin, directing healing magic into the wounds.

“It's alright, beautiful,” Garrett grunted. “It was my own fault for standing there.”

“We should have done this in a more open area,” Solas agreed. “Though I didn't expect your first attempt to be so powerful.”

“You're a killer at those offensive spells,” Garrett laughed, groaning as Solas plucked a particularly large piece of wood out of his back.

“Indeed, they're her strong suit. Her barriers need work.”

“ Solas,” I growled. The elven god only smirked, his eyes remaining focused on his work. He finally declared Garrett healed and the Champion rolled his shoulders with a slight hiss.

“The stiffness will dissipate,” Solas said. I heard clapping and turned to find Dorian walking towards us with a grin.

“That was fun,” he said. “I would say you should be ready to go with Gethorn soon enough.”

“That's the end goal,” I said with an easy grin.

“Care for a little duel?” Dorian asked, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head.

“I think you'd destroy me,” I said.

“I think you underestimate your skill,” Solas said. “He may beat you, but you wouldn't make it easy.”

“C'mon, fight the Tevinter scum,” Garrett encouraged. “Er...no offense.”

“None taken,” Dorian said with a shrug. “So, what will it be Madam Seer? It's one of the best ways to learn and Solas certainly doesn't have the heart to attack you.” I glanced at Solas who nodded in agreement. I always knew Solas held back, too worried about hurting me to let me fully exercise my powers. Vivienne would never spar with me and Garrett had never offered. While Dorian had been kind to me and I to him, our duties didn't leave much interaction between us.

“Let's do it,” I said.

“Excellent!” he said. “But not here. Outside the gates where there's little risk to civilian's or, as it were, the buildings.”

“I'll meet you out there in thirty minutes,” I said. “I'll need to change.”

“Ah, a woman after my own heart,” Dorian chuckled, turning on his heel. I looked at Garrett and Solas. Solas seemed concerned while Garrett was giddy.

“I can't wait to see this,” he giggled boyishly. I shook my head and excused myself to race up to my room and change. I quickly picked out a pair of breeches made from a stretchy suede-like material and a tunic with one long sleeve that looped around my thumb. Solas had told me it was to protect my arm from blow-back magic. I laced up my boots, donning the newer staff holster Madison had gotten me. I snapped my staff onto my back and piled my hair on top of my head with a length of leather, thinking about how long it had gotten and how it would need to be dyed. Josephine and Vivienne had agreed I would need to visit one of the famous Salon's in Orlais before the ball and I didn't argue. 

I raced down the stairs, taking them two at a time and almost running Cullen over.

“Woah, where's the fire?” he asked.

“Battling Dorian outside of Skyhold,” I called, ducking past him.

“Really? I wanna watch,” he said.

“Then move it!” I tossed over my shoulder. I danced around the nobles in the throne room, ducking around Gethorn when he stepped out of the hall that led to the gardens.

“What's going on?” he asked.

“Your mom's going to fight Dorian,” Cullen said.

“I'm coming!” he said and joined the two of us. Soon I had a small group following me, consisting of Cullen, Gethorn, Varric and Madison, all who were eager to see me battle the Tevinter. In truth, I was eager myself. I had little chance to use my magic for more practical application since Haven and with my powers growing, I wanted to try them out. I wanted to be sure that I could join Gethorn without being a distraction.

I stepped out into the open area outside of Skyhold, finding Dorian waiting with Solas, Cassandra, Josephine, Bull, Cole and some soldiers and civilians.

“Word gets 's around fast,” Garrett laughed, coming up behind me with Sebastian and Fenris. “Alright. I get the job of referee. We go until one yields and no blood magic or demons. Everyone get back to a safe distance. Solas, can you cast barriers on the bystanders?”

“Of course,” Solas said, waiting while everyone gathered several yards away before casting the spell that brought a translucent dome down over then.

“Mages, at the ready,” Garrett said and Dorian and I faced each other, out staffs in hand.

“Begin!” he cried, quickly jumping back. I cast a barrier around me as a fireball came flying at me, twirling my staff and slamming it into the ground to call a storm of lightning. Dorian called his own barrier, the bolts of electricity bouncing off. I cast Stonefist, throwing Dorian to the ground. He quickly rolled to his feet, sweeping his staff along the ground and causing tendrils of ice to lock around my legs, freezing me in place. I waved my staff over my legs, using fire the melt the ice and completely missed the next spell that hit me. I knew in an instant it was Horror from the bloody imagery that filled my vision, Corypheus laughing at me through it all. Soon Coreypheus melted away, leaving my father, taunting me, telling me I was worthless, fat, ugly and unlovable.

“You're not real,” I gasped, blindly casting Lightning again, the nails of my free hand digging into my scalp. I heard Dorian cry out in surprise and cast again.

“YOU'RE NOT REAL!” I screamed when my father reached for me, a blast of sheer willpower fanning out. The vision dissipated and I saw Dorian was knocked to the ground, groaning in pain. He directed a blast of fire at me as he tried to get to his feet, but I summoned a wall of ice. I rolled to the side, casting Veil-strike and Dorian brought up a barrier. With a quick Fade Step, I was at Dorian's side, pressing the blade of my staff to his throat. He looked up at me, shocked. I panted, my chest heaving and gasped out;

“Yield.” His hazel eyes locked with mine and he dropped his staff.

“I yield,” he stammered.

“Mamae?” came Gethorn's soft voice, laden with concern.

“Don't go near her,” Garrett warned. Mana pumped through my veins, my every sense heightened as my heart thundered in my chest. I heard my name called and turned quickly to find Madison walking towards me, cooing as if I were a wild animal.

“It's over,” he said. “Let him up.” I looked down at Dorian and realized he was still on the ground, my staff blade pressed dangerously close to the delicate skin of his throat. I pulled my staff back, tossing it to the ground as if it burned me. Hands gripped my shoulders, turning me to face my best friend.

“You have to calm down,” Madison said.

“It hurts,” I hissed, gripping my head.

“I know,” he said.

“I can cast nullify,” Cullen suggested.

“Don't!” Solas barked, holding out an arm. “It's the effect of the Horror spell. You'll only hurt her.”

“Gethorn,” Cole said with a whimper. “He can ground her.” That was all the prompting my adopted son needed to tear away from the group and sweep me into his arms. The anchor flared to life and I felt a calm sweep through me as the last effects of the horror spell faded. I let out a shuttering gasp and slumped into his grip.

“What was that?” Madison demanded, turning to Dorian with an accusatory glare.

“A simple Horror spell!” he cried, defensively as he rose to his feet.

“Bullshit,” Madison spat, furiously.

“No, it's true,” Solas assured. “I suspect it was her reaction to it that caused...well...”

“Care to explain?” Cullen asked, angrily. “She looked like she was possessed.”

“She has seen more horror in her life than most of us would care to admit exists,” Solas said. “I think the spell affected her more than it would most people and her magic reflected her will to change it. She used it to enhance her abilities, but she couldn't siphon off the excess and required Gethorn's link to the veil to do so.”

“But why?” Madison asked.

“Simply put, she doesn't know how,” he said. “When she called such magics to her, she had no way of returning the magic she called and thus, it cycled back. The more angry she got, the more it attacked her and it just became a vicious cycle.”

“So our next lesson is returning things to the veil,” I said from Gethorn's chest. “Got it.”

“That was kind of bad ass, though,” Garrett said. Gethorn murmured to me, ensuring I was alright before he released me.

“Okay there Dorian?” I asked.

“My pride is wounded, but I'm otherwise fine,” he snarked, dusting the snow off his clothes. “Remind me never to cast Horror on you again.”

“Happily,” I sighed.

“Come, falon,” Solas said. “I think we should start that lesson soon.” I quickly followed Solas, not wanting to look at the audience, afraid of seeing fear or distrust in their gazes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, no picture this time. Looks like our girl may be in trouble, though.


	28. Kiss Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting the next chapter today because I won't be able to tomorrow.

I practiced all that evening, skipping my dress fitting to ensure I was easily able to direct excess energy back to the Fade. I skipped dinner, not feeling very hungry and made my way to my room. I quietly opened my door, slipping inside and putting my forehead to the wood as I closed it. Tears gathered at my lids and a sob burst from my lips before I could stifle it. I fought so hard to earn their trust and now they would look at me with suspicion again. Those I had grown close to would draw back from me, afraid of me.

“Breaks my heart to see a beautiful woman cry.”

I spun around, finding Garrett leaning against the frame of the door that led to my balcony, his muscular arms bared in a sleeveless shirt and crossed over his chest.

“So you don't mind an ugly one crying?” I asked with a watery laugh, scrubbing at my eyes. Garrett let out a breathy chuckle and shook his head.

“I was trying to pay you a compliment and make you smile,” he said. “Obviously I need to work on my jokes, but it had it's intended purpose.”

“What are you doing here?” I questioned, trying to change the subject. Garrett's expression became serious and he pushed off the doorway, moving towards me.

“I didn't see you at dinner and we're waiting for you by the fire.”

“We?” I asked, shocked.

“Yes,” he said slowly, a brow arched. “ _We_. Baby, what's wrong?”

“Isn't everyone afraid of me?” I questioned. “What I did...”

“ _That_?” Garrett laughed. “That was _nothing_. I once caught my bed on fire when I was younger. Almost burned the house down.”

“But I could have _killed_ Dorian!” I argued.

“I could have _killed_ my family,” Garrett said as if he were bragging.

“It's not a _contest_!” I cried. “How can you be so cavalier about it?”

“Everyone does accidental magic when they first come into their powers,” Garrett said, flippantly. “You're having to learn in weeks what most do in years. You're allowed to blow something up once in a while. Why do you think the circles are always built like brick shithouses?”

“No one's worried I'm going to go on a crazy killing spree?”

“No more than usual,” he said with a smirk, stopping before me. “Now _smile_.” I blushed, giving him a meek smile.

“There we go,” he cooed. I hugged him burying my face in his chest, feeling much better.

“It's your lovely smile that will keep my spirits up when I travel to Adament,” he teased. I rolled my eyes.

“I'll be going with you,” I huffed.

“No you won't,” Garrett said, easily.

“What? Why?”

“Lelianna's orders,” he said. “And Gethorn agreed.”

“Let me guess, they can't risk me getting hurt because they need me at the Winter Palace,” I grumbled.

“What d'ya know,” he smirked. “Almost word for word what Lelianna said.” I ran my fingers through my hair angrily, swearing colorfully in elvish.

“Do me a favor,” I said, looking up at him.

“What?”

“Just...just be careful at Adamant,” I said. His eyes narrowed.

“What do you know?” 

“I...I can't tell you,” I said. Garrett stared at me before shaking his head and reaching for the door.

“ _Fine_ ,” he said angrily. “Keep your secrets.”

“I want to tell you!” I cried. “But I can't be for sure what will happen!” Garrett paused. “Everything depends on what choices you make.”

“You want me to trust you, but you won't tell me anything?” Garrett sighed.

“It wouldn't be a problem if you weren't so god damn self-sacrificing!” I shouted. Garrett's eyes grew wide as understanding dawned on what I had just let slip.

“I'm going to sacrifice myself?” he asked. I sagged back against the door. Me and my big mouth.

“It will either be you or Stroud,” I said, defeated.

“So you'd rather Stroud was sacrificed?”

“I...to be honest, yes,” I said. Garrett chuckled, putting his forearms on the door, caging me between them.

“How selfish of you, Madam Seer,” he teased, his previous anger gone.

“I'm allowed to be selfish once in a while,” I defended, tilting my head back to look into his gold eyes.

“Why didn't you just tell me?” he asked, changing back to the original subject. I turned my head, looking past his muscled arm. He leaned into my field of vision, keeping me back against the door.

“Hey, “ he said. “ _Why_?”

“Because if I say too much, it changes things,” I said. “My actions change things. If too much changes, then those who weren't supposed to die, may.”

“Baby, you can't save everyone,” Garrett said.

“I can try,” I said stubbornly. “I hate knowing these things and not being able to save you. You have no idea how difficult it is. I don't keep quiet to frustrate you. It's just that...that...every other option is worse.” Garrett's gaze softened and he leaned forward.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I shouldn't have acted like that.”

“I understand,” I said. “I'd be frustrated too.”

“Yes,” he purred, fingers moving over my shoulder. “You can be _very_ frustrating.” I rolled my eyes.

“Would you stop joking around?” I asked, annoyed.

“Who's joking?” Garrett asked and his voice sent shivers up my spine. I looked up and found his amber eyes were smoldering.

“Wait,” I stammered. “What about Isabella?”

“What about her?”

“Aren't you with her?” I questioned. 

“With...what? No!” he laughed. “Why would you think that?”

“I just...I just assumed...” I stammered. 

“And here I thought you were a seer,” he teased. I glared at him. He leaned in closer, one arm dropping to wrap around my waist.

“Iz flirts, but she flirts with everyone,” he said. “She wanted me, but I wasn't interested.”

“But...but she's really hot!” I argued, disbelieving that he would want me over her. 

“I'll let her know you think so,” he smirked. “But, I agree, she's a lovely young woman. She can also be irresponsible and cavalier about things she should take seriously. You're a beautiful, strong woman who is intelligent, nurturing and so sweet sometimes I wonder how I don't get cavities. Surely you realized I was flirting with you. You can't be that oblivious.”

“Well, yeah,” I said. “You tend to be kind of obvious. But I figured you were just a flirt.”

“Madison was right,” Garrett huffed. “So...?”

“So what?” I asked, puzzled.

“Oh for fuck's sake, woman!” Garrett groaned and seized me, crushing his mouth against mine. I gasped, my hands flying to his shoulders and twisting in his tunic. The hand not around my waist, threaded through my hair, pulling the leather holding it free so it spilled over my shoulders and tilting my head to the side. His mustache tickled my skin as he slanted his mouth against mine, deepening the kiss. His hand dropped to my rump, massaging it firmly while he pressed his hips against mine, letting me feel his half hard cock. I moaned into his mouth, my hands sliding up to thread through his hair. It had been so long since I had been touched like this, but I didn't recall anyone ever making me feel so turned on with a simple kiss. His hand moved from my hair, cupping my breast and I cried out, my body arching against his. He pulled away, panting against my lips.

“ _Well_ ,” he said. “I didn't get punched.”

“The night is young.” He smirked and lifted me up, taking several great strides before dropping me back on the bed. I cried out, flinging my hands out behind me to brace myself. Garrett put one knee between my spread legs and hunched over me, urging me back into the mattress.

“I thought you said we were expected,” I taunted, pressing my finger to his lips when he moved to kiss me again. He nipped at the pad of my finger, smirking.

“They can wait,” he hummed. “They've probably already figured out what we're doing.”

“And what are we doing?” I asked, cautiously.

“I'm going to kiss you, maybe grope you a bit more,” he said. “Then we can join them.”

“No sex?” I asked.

“No,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “That's not how you court a lady.” I blushed at this. His lips came down again, pressing against mine more gently than before. His hands skimmed over my sides, pushing my tunic up to trail his fingers over my bare skin. I shifted uncomfortably, self-conscious of my stretch marks and less than flat stomach. Garrett mapped these out with his hands as his kisses moved to my neck, stopping to toy with my belly button ring. He glanced down between us, grinning.

“That's sexy,” he growled, nipping at my collarbone. I mewled, grabbing his cheeks and pulling his lips to mine. I felt his hands move up, stopping before getting to my breast.

“We need to stop,” he groaned, kissing along my jawline.

“So stop,” I gasped, tilting my head to the side and threading my fingers through his hair. I felt him grip my hips tightly before pulling back, bridging his body over mine as he panted. I peeked down, seeing his cock straining in his breeches and couldn't help but giggle. Garrett's eyes flew open and he followed my gaze.

“Think that's funny, huh?” he asked with a growl.

“Sorry,” I tittered. “I do feel bad for you.”

“Like you don't feel the same,” he grumbled, pushing off the bed and standing. He strolled towards the balcony and stepped outside, taking several deep breathes of the cool mountain air. I stood, adjusting my clothes and walking out to where he was.

“I'm okay. Just needed to calm down.” I reached out, running my hand along his arm. He pulled me close, dropping a  kiss on my lips before guiding me to the door.

“Come on,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I gave you three pictures and it seems Garrett finally told our girl how he feels. Yay! About damn time! Now the smut can begin!


	29. Mistakes I've Made

“I once tried to practice my Spell Purge and, instead of purging the mage I was facing, I purged the _whole room_ and pissed off every mage in the room that was practicing their magic,” Cullen said.

“I once blew my nose and caught the curtains on fire,” Dorian laughed. “Mother was _furious_. They were her favorite curtains.”

“I accidentally froze one of the fountains in the square and _completely_ destroyed it,” Solas chuckled. The stories of powers gone awry flowed freely in the wake of Garret telling everyone how I was afraid they wouldn't trust me since I lost control. They had laughed at the thought and began regaling me with their own misadventures until I was giggling uncontrollably. 

“My keepers second once froze an _entire_ aravel in a huge block of ice and it took them days to get it melted,” Gethorn said.

“My goodness, if I stayed away from everyone that almost killed me, why I'd have no friends,” Dorian said airily. I laughed, falling to my side across Garrett's lap.

“See, told ya,” Garrett gloated.

“Yes, dear,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “You're so wise and all knowing, why did I ever doubt you?”

“I was confused about that, too,” Garrett mused as if I hadn't just said the words with almost visible sarcasm. I sat up, rolling my eyes again and pointing behind me at the champion, making faces to mock him while everyone laughed.

“I can bloody _see_ you, woman,” he growled, playfully. I looked over, leaning away. He leaned forward, seizing me around the waist and pulling me into his lap.

“Now warm my lap like a good girl.” I gawked at him.

“I'll set your lap one fire if you say that to me again,” I snapped. He laughed, leaning back against the log behind him.

“Yet you haven't moved,” he pointed out.

“You make a comfy chair,” I said, relaxing back against him. His arm came around my waist and I rested my head against his shoulder, feeling my eyes start to slip shut at the gentle lull of conversation. Warm fingers trailed down my neck and over my shoulder while Garrett pressed a kiss to my temple.

“Sleepy?” he murmured.

“Mmm-hmm,” I hummed. 

“ _So_ ,” Gethorn said from beside me. “When do I get a little brother or sister?” My eyes snapped open and I jerked my head towards him.

“What?” I deadpanned.

“You're with him, with Hawke, right?” Gethorn asked. “When do I get a sibling?”

“Geeze you're demanding,” I huffed.

“Give me a couple months,” Garrett told him with a wink.

“Hey!” I cried as the two men laughed.

“ _Finally_!” Madison sighed from nearby. I turned to see him watching us.

“What?” I asked. 

“I wondered when you'd figure out he had the hots for you and let him in your pants,” he said.

“Hawke finally told her?” Varric asked, having caught on to the conversation.

“About damn time,” Dorian snorted.

“Wait,” I said. “Did everyone know but me?” There was a murmur of assent around the fire and I slumped back against Garrett, pouting. I noticed Cullen was staring at me and looked at him curiously.

“Take good care of her, Hawke,” he said sternly. Tension rose at the statement and the two men stared at each other, their faces serious. 

“I will,” Garrett said. “I _promise_.” Cullen nodded and turned to take a swig of his ale.

“I'm dying all your smalls pink!” I huffed, crossing my arms.

“You're so cute when you're pissed,” Garrett teased, nuzzling my cheek. I went to make a snarky comment but stopped, grinning.

“Hawke, she's up to something!” Varric warned. Before Garrett could react, I reached up, pulled his head down and trailed my tongue along the shell of his ear before nipping the lobe. His nostrils flared and I felt his cock twitch against my bottom. He quickly pulled back, hissing between his teeth.

“That was evil,” he said. “I take it back. You're _pure_ evil.” I snickered. 

“Is this the part where I go, 'Muwahahaha' and wiggle my fingers wickedly,” I asked. 

“If Mamae becomes a villain we're all doomed,” Gethorn said.

“You've obviously never heard her plan to take over the world,” Madison snorted.

“Do tell,” Dorian said eagerly.

“I think it's a brilliant plan,” I sulked. “It involves gathering every country leader in a room, cutting up their mouths and forcing them to eat salt cubes and drink lemon juice until they surrender.”

“That's...er...interesting,” Cullen coughed.

“Why not just kill everyone?” Bull asked.

“If I do that, then people will rebel,” I explained. “If the world leaders surrender to me in secret and act as my puppets, no one would be any wiser to the fact that I've taken over, at least not as long as I'm subtle.”

“Okay, that part's scarily genius,” Garrett said.

“The lemon juice thing is dumb,” Fenris commented.

“Oh bite me,” I said.

“I'll leave that job to Hawke,” he snorted.

“On that note, I'm going to bed,” I said, shaking my head. “Goodnight everyone.” Everyone echoed the farewell while Hawke jumped up.

“I'll walk you back,” he said. “After all, I owe you.” I stared at his leering expression before I let out a squeak and took off running.

“Get back here!” Garrett called, chasing me, the sound of laughter following us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sweet fluffiness.


	30. Dressed For Success

I scrubbed my eyes, picking up another report from Cullen's desk and looking it over with a sigh.

“Why do these all land on your desk?” I groaned. “This is Josie's thing.”

“Most of them come to me since you sort them and send them where they should go,” Cullen said.

“And I always do so from your office,” I sighed. “They can just drop them off in my room.”

“You don't like sorting through all my paperwork?” Cullen gave me that smirk of his that caused the scar on his lip to wrinkle.

“It thrills me to no end,” I sighed. “It's what I think about _alone_ at night.”

“And here I thought it was Garrett,” Cullen taunted. I blushed at this, crumbling the paper in my hand on bouncing it off his head.

“Eh!” he cried, putting his arm up as he laughed. “How's Gethorn taking it?”

“I actually thought he'd be kind of jealous, but he's been very supportive,” I said. “If a little pushy.”

“Pushy?” Cullen asked, unfolding the paper I had tossed at him and looking it over. 

“He's already asking when we're going to get married and give him a sibling,” I sighed. 

“I though Gethorn had siblings,” Cullen remarked, signing the lyrium shipment missive I had tossed at him.

“He's got an older sister that raised him because she had to.” I set another report in Josie's pile.

“Yes, I heard he wasn't popular among his people,” Cullen hummed.

“Indeed,” I sighed. “He sent a letter to his sister. Never got one back, apparently. Speaking of which, have you written to Mia?”

“How...never mind,” Cullen grumbled. “No, I haven't.”

“Do it,” I said. “She's worried sick.”

“Who's worried sick?” came Garrett's voice from the doorway.

“Cullen's sister.”

“Oh,” Garrett said, walking up behind me and winding his arms around my waist. “You should write her.”

“I will,” Cullen sighed. “Did you need something?”

“Dress fitting,” he said, leaning down and kissing my shoulder.

“Ugh, _traitor_.”

“You realize I'm a noble and you need to get used to this,” he said, kissing along my neck.

“You realize there's a difference between a noble of the Free Marches and an Orlesian one,” I said. “Like, six stones worth of fucking fabric.”

“Okay, you have a point,” Garrett said. “Josie still sent me to get you.”

“Cullen?” I asked, turning to him hopefully.

“I am not going against Josephine on this.” He shook his head, giving me a sympathetic look. I sighed and pulled out of Garrett's arms, heading out the door. When I was a little ways away from Cullen's office, the black haired mage grabbed me and pulled me into a little corner hidden under the stairs.

“Now now,” he purred, pinning me to the wall, his broad body looming over me. “I didn't say there was nothing in it for me.”

“Sneaky little...” He smirked and bent down, kissing me hotly. I whimpered, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing myself against him. He pulled away from me and cupped my cheeks, placing several quick kisses on my lips.

“Okay, now I have to get you to Josie,” Garrett said with a grin. He took my hand and pulled me into the throne room, guiding me to Josephine's office where the seamstress waited with a large smile on her face. Beside her was what I could only think to describe as a monstrosity. A dress of the pale aqua I had picked sat on a mannequin. It had a boat neck lined with lace and long sleeves that ended in points. It had no visible corset and I guessed it was one meant to be worn under the clothes. The dress flared out at the hips and swelled to be several feet around with a skirt the seemed to made of sparkling gems. The back of the dress bore some strange golden fan that took up the entire shoulder span of it. 

“What is that?” 

“Your dress,” Josephine said.

“Iz it not wonderfool?” the seamstress asked.

“ _No_ , it's not,” I said. “It's...I mean...can I even _walk_ in this?”

“Probably not,” Garrett muttered at my shoulder.

“It will look much better on you,” Josephine said, though I could tell from her expression she thought much the same as I did about the thing, she was just far too polite to say so. Somehow I was coaxed into putting it on and almost fell over.

“Great,” I snapped. “Not only is it _ghastly_ , I can't _move_.”

“ _Ghastly_?!” the seamstress shrieked. “My dear, yoo shall be zee envee of zee ball.”

“As if anyone will be able to see me under all _this_!” I cried. “I said _moderation_! How did that become this vomit of tulle and stones?”

“Well, I _never_!” she huffed.

“I am pretty sure you have, madam!” I said.

“Ee-gads, what is all this yelling about?” came Dorian's cultured voice. “ _Vishante Kaffas_ , what is _that_?”

“Apparently it's what I'm wearing to the-... _Garrett! Stop laughing!_ ” I hissed, glaring at me boyfriend who was doubled up.

“I'm sorry!” he gasped. “I love you, but you look like a pissed off cake topper!”

“ _Anyway_ ,” I groaned, turning back to Dorian. “I'm supposed to wear this to the Winter Palace.”

“I _refuse_ to be seen with you in that,” Dorian spat.

“Then stop _bitching_ and help me _fix_ it!” I snarled. Dorian walked around me, stroking his chin.

“The skirt has _got_ to go,” he said. “In more ways than one. There are far too many stones. Take most of them off. The ones you leave should form some sort of curling pattern.” He looked up at the seamstress who was just staring at him. “Well, why aren't you writing this down?”

“I won't 'ave some _Tevinter_ mess with my design,” she said.

“You _will_ or I'll go in the slip and tell everyone it was your idea,” I said. Her jaw set, but she picked up her clipboard and began writing.

“The sleeves should be lace, and take that garish frill off the collar,” Dorian continued. “That back piece needs to go.”

“Make the front lower,” Garrett suggested.

“Garrett,” I sighed.

“No, do it,” Dorian agreed. “But make it subtle. And this skirt needs to be taken down by half. She can barely get through a door with that thing.”

“I will begin work tonight,” the seamstress said, stiffly. “Wit' luck, I will have eet finished before ze week.”

“Great, can someone help me out of this?” I asked.

“Coming,” Garrett said, strolling towards me. I turned my back to him, trying not to shiver as he slowly pulled at the laces of the dress. His fingers trailed along my spine as the dress parted and I pulled away to take it off. I saw Garrett watching me, his amber eyes the color of molten gold as he stared at me. I quickly changed into my breeches and blouse, slipping my day-to-day corset on and lacing it in the front before sucking in my stomach and spinning it to the back like Lelianna had taught me. 

“You can thank me later, darling,” Dorian said.

“I'll make sure to get you a nice bottle of wine,” I said.

“You're a peach,” he cooed, strolling out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted two chapters because the last one was short. Hope you enjoy!


	31. I Choose Peace

I sat on the log around the fire, carefully shaving the side of Gethorn's head with a straight razor. When I was finished, I began plaiting a braid directly above the shaved side. The conversation was a hot debate over the mage/ templar war that I was rolling my eyes at.

“Why don't you boys just whip 'em out and measure?” I laughed, causing everyone to turn to face me.

“Well, Seer,” Fenris asked. “What's your opinion on the matter?”

“No one wants to hear my opinion,” I snorted.

“Why not?” Sebastion questioned. “Afraid to make someone angry?”

“My opinion makes everyone angry,” I said.

“Now I gotta hear it,” Bull laughed. 

“Me too,” Varric said.

“Tell us,” Madison encouraged.

“C'mon, Baby,” Garrett said from beside me, leaning over and wrapping an arm around me.

“Come now,” Cullen pushed. “Tell us.”

“ _Fiiiiiiine_ ,” I said, tying the twine around the base of Gethorn's braid before starting to re-bead his hair. “At its core, the group to blame for the Rebellion is the Chantry.”

“Oh, this I definitely need to hear,” Bull laughed, the sound rumbling in his chest.

“So would I,” Cullen said, arching a brow.

“The Chantry governs the mages and the Templar's, correct?” I asked.

“That's right,” Sebastian said.

“It was absolutely no secret that things in the circles weren't going well, right?” I questioned.

“Not unless you keep a secret by screaming it at the top of your lungs,” Varric huffed, crossing his arms.

“Why didn't they do anything about it?” I asked. “If we all knew the mages felt like they weren't being treated fair, if the Templar's felt like they weren't appreciated, and the Chantry had to listen to this almost daily...why didn't anyone do anything? Why weren't there peace talks?”

“It's not that simple to arrange peace-talks,” Cullen said.

“So, they could do them during a Mage/ Templar war but not before the shit hit's the proverbial fan?” I inquired, arching a brow. Cullen grimaced and tipped his head in acknowledgment.

“Elthina refused to take a side at Kirkwall,” I continued. “She refused to listen to either sides arguments and that led to Meridith being allowed to basically get away with her shit, like being poisoned by red lyrium for years.”

“And the mages are faultless?” Fenris asked.

“Fuck no,” I said. “Considering that nothing screams “I wish you'd stop accusing me of being an abomination or practicing blood-magic” like mother-fucking making a deal with a demon and becoming an abomination or practicing blood magic. It only fed into everyone's fear. Then Ander's had the oh-so-brilliant idea of blowing up the damned chantry!”

“It's hard to just change the laws, seer,” Cassandra said.

“In my world, we have something similar to the Chant of Light called the Bible,” I said. “Like the chant of light, it had laws and rules. Now, there are tons of the rules we don't follow anymore because we realized they weren't fair and they weren't right. They were like that because mortal man wrote it and took down what our prophets said and were more than generous with their personal opinions. Any god out there would wish for equality among what they created and probably wouldn't give too much of a shit about the length of our hair.”

“There was a law about hair length?” Cullen asked, incredulously.

“Yeah, said something about people never cutting their hair,” I said flippantly. “Anyway, the laws from Andraste's time may have worked for Andraste's time, but they need to change. It is not fair to expect people to be okay with being locked away just because of how they were born, it's not fair to ask soldier's to willingly addict themselves to lyrium and then wonder why they go bad or crazy or get angry when they feel like their efforts are taken for granted and it's not right that when both sides screamed about these very real problems and abuses inside circles that the Chantry shrugged and said, 'Well, that's how it's always been done. Get over it.'

“'That's how it's always been' does not justify mages being raped, beaten and killed, it doesn't justify the same thing happening to Templar's and it doesn't justify the Chantry turning their back on such abuses.” 

“What would your solution be?” Garrett asked.

“An actual mediation would help,” I huffed. “Stop forcing mages to leave their families if they don't want to and instead allow them to go to it like a school. Make it so the Templar's can leave the order without risking death or insanity and for fuck's sake, stop telling them they can't be friends or love each other because 'they might need to kill them one day'. Damn, that's a broad net to cast. I mean, Cullen's my friend but I trust that in the event I go nuts and start eating babies, he'll do what needs to be done, you all would. And you'd do it because you care as opposed to instead of caring. Have a council meet once a year composed of mages, Templar's and chantry members and fucking address issues instead of ignoring them.”

“So all mages should be free?” Fenris asked. 

“They should have more freedom,” I said. “There are those that like living in a circle, let them do so. But there are ones who want to fall in love and marry and have children and they should be allowed that.”

“How would they be monitored?” Cullen asked.

“Aren't Templar's already stationed in towns?” I asked. “Why should that change? Let them act as a police force. It's not like people are able to keep blood magic under wraps anyway.”

“Actually, that idea had merit,” Cullen said. “Giving Templar's an easier way out of the order would prevent much of the abuse that happens.”

“Mages wouldn't do such damage within the circle if they were free to leave,” Varric mused.

“What's to keep Fereldon and Orlais from becoming like Tevinter?” Fenris asked.

“That would be the purpose of the meetings, to rein everybody in and make sure the balance of power remains,” I said. There was a murmur of conversation around the fire and I smiled as the heated debate changed to ideas for reform and equality, those gathered tossing out idea's while they hashed out the particulars. I finished Gethorn's hair and the elf looked over at Garrett hopefully, asking in a low voice;

“Any siblings?”

“Gimme a little time, kid,” the mage chuckled. “I want to romance you're Mamae. Not make her feel like I just want her body.”

“ _Right_ ,” he said.

“I'm going to hurt you both,” I snarled. “And watch the Romance, I'm not the romantic type. If you start bringing me flowers or spouting poetry, I will very much protest.”

“Should I give a sheaf of wheat to Madison?” Garrett asked.

“Only if you bring along some goats,” I said, grinning at him. “Don't forget the copper piece that says Marigolds.”

“Of course you know about that,” he laughed. “It'll be impossible to live with a seer.”

“Well, you're in luck,” I said. “My visions extend only to the inquisition. Once this is all over, I will just become a normal mage.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I'm a seer,” I said with a grin.

“Will you be alright with that?” Garrett asked.

“Yes,” I said. “It'll be nice not to see the future.” I looked out at the group and smiled, feeling a twinge of sadness. It would be nice not to see the future, but I would miss all this terribly. As if sensing my thoughts, Garrett pulled my into his side and kissed my temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple chapters will be getting more into our girl and Garrett's relationship and the smut is coming. Oh boy is it coming. Anyone underage should abandon ship now because...this is why we can't have nice things. I'm a bad girl. Bad, bad, bad.


	32. Dance With Me

I stood in my room with Garrett, practicing the steps to one of the dances Vivienne had shown me. He smiled down at me, leading me around the room to the soft music that played from my phone. My gaze was focused on my feet, so it wasn't until I glanced up at him that I realized he was giving me an adoring look. I stopped, looking at him puzzled.

"W-what?" I asked.

"You're just so cute," he sighed. "You're concentrating so hard on this stupid dance. Your tongue is sticking out from between your lips, too."

"I'm just tired of Vivienne yelling at me because I trip," I huffed. He chuckled and tilted my head back, kissing me sweetly. I melted into him, my hands smoothing over his firm chest. He moaned, tilting his head to the side and deepening the kiss. He pulled away suddenly and took a few steps back, taking deep breathes through his nose. His pupils were dilated as he stared at me, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

"You're making it very hard to behave myself," he scolded.

"You've been 'behaving' yourself for over a month," I remarked. He stepped back towards me, his fingers brushing against my cheek.

"I want you to know I'm serious," he said. "I don't want it to be about just sex. I want to do it right, but you're not making it easy."

"Darling, we're in our thirties," I laughed. "I think we can skip all the youthful bullshit." Garrett cupped my cheek, tilting my head back and brushing his lips against mine.

"It's not 'bullshit' to want to make you feel special," he scolded. I smiled and hugged him, nuzzling into his chest. He glanced out the window, then grinned down at me.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. I looked to see where the sun was and guessed it was about dinner time.

"I could stand to eat," I said. "Should we go to the kitchens?"

"No," he said, pulling away. He suddenly seemed excited about something, his gold eyes dancing and I arched a brow at him. "Stay here. Put on something pretty and I'll be back."

"I...what? Wait! Garrett! What do you mean?" He was out the door before I could get an answer. I heaved a sighed and walked over to my closet, looking through the clothes I had. I didn't have much in the way of formal wear, but Dorian had brought me a dress he saw, insisting I needed it. I pulled it out, shrugging and slipping it on. A deep blue body suit with gold thread woven into it in random patterns was set off with yards of sheer, gold embroidered fabric that served as a skirt. There were accessories for it, but I left them in the closet, unsure of how fancy Garrett wanted me to get. I did the best I could with the mess of curls and dabbed a little red on my lips from the massive piles of makeup Leliana and Vivienne had insisted I have. As I was finishing up, the door to my room opened and Garrett came back in, balancing two trays carefully. He was dressed in something similar to the garments the game had him wear at his house. A deep burgundy tunic with a belt and soft black pants. He didn't wear the black undershirt, though, and I could see the dusting of black chest hair around the collar. He set the trays down on the coffee table and turned, his gaze raking over me.

"Damn, baby," he panted. I blushed, ruffling the sheer skirt.

"I...uhm...was not sure...is it too much?"

"No, no, no," he soothed, coming over and kissing me. "You look beautiful." I smiled, looking at the table where the trays set, laden with food.

"What's all this?" I motioned to the food and he looked over his shoulder at it before smiling down at me.

"I know you don't like romantic stuff," he said. "So, I figured instead of going out to some fancy restaurant we'd just eat in."

"Ahhh, so it's a date," I said. He blushed a bit, nodding his head. I stepped towards him, wrapping my arms around my neck.

"It's perfect," I said. He grinned and looked around, seeming giddy.

"Not yet," he said. He kissed me and pulled away, walking over to a small bag he had brought in. He pulled out a metal bowl, snatching up my phone. He pulled up my music app and selected one of the playlists, setting it to play and placing the phone in the bowl so the sound was amplified. Garrett had been fascinated with my phone and I couldn't help but show him how to work it. I watched him push the chairs back from the low table and toss some cushions on the ground. He came back towards me, taking my hand and kissing the back as his other arm swept towards the table.

"My lady," he purred. I giggled, letting him tug me to the coffee table and ease me down into the cushions while he pushed one of the trays in front of me. He took the other side and sat down, smiling at me.

"How long have you been planning this?" I asked, picking up my fork and spearing a piece of potato.

"Since I met you," Garrett said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes.

"No, really," I said. He put his elbows on the table, resting his chin on the backs to his hands and continued to smirk.

"Are you...serious?" I asked, arching a brow. He gave a slow nod and I blushed, looking down at the table. He chuckled, reaching over and cupping my cheek.

"Awe, you're blushing," he teased.

"Did you really?" I asked.

"Mmhmm. Gethorn and Varric were just going on and on about how awesome you were I was thinking; She sounds so amazing, I wonder if she's single? Then you walked down the steps and I thought; Oh please, please be single and have dinner with me." I felt my cheeks get darker and he took my hand, kissing the back of it before digging into his food.

"Did you have naughty thoughts about me?" he asked, biting off some carrot.

"You want to know the first thing I thought when I met you?" I asked coyly. He nodded, eyes locked on me. I chewed a bit of meat, swallowing it and leaning in a bit.

"I thought that you were incredibly handsome and your eyes were intense," I said. It was Garrett's turn to flush.

"Really?" he asked. "You think I'm handsome?"

"You're kidding, right?" I snorted. "You're gorgeous. I still can't believe you want to be with me."

"But... _you're_ gorgeous," he said.

"I'm fat. My features are harsh. I'm scarred."

"I'm scarred. I'm hairy. I have a big nose. And you're not fat, your healthy and curvy. I think your features are beautiful, not harsh."

"Well, I don't think your nose is big. It's nice, it suits you. And I like your body hair. It's not a lot, it's just black."

"And we're both scarred," he chuckled. I nodded, reaching over and brushing my fingers over the jagged scar on the back of his hand. He flipped his hand, curling his fingers under mine and bringing my hand to his lips. He brushed his lips over my knuckles again and smiled.

"No one ever made me feel  
As small you did  
No one made me feel as cursed  
I'd lie awake in bed  
Just staring at the ceiling  
Wondering if the things would get worse."  
I looked towards the bowl and scowled.

"Can we change the song?" I asked. Garrett looked confused, glancing towards the bowl.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked. "It's pretty."

"You're not paying attention to it, dear," I said. "And it's a song that makes me think of my parents." Garrett released my hand, rising to his feet and retrieving the phone. He stared at it for a moment, listening to the words before slowly coming back to the table, phone in hand. He restarted the song and lay the phone face down beside him.

"Garrett," I sighed.

"I want to hear," he said softly. I listened as Beth Crowley's 'I Am Not Nothing' played. Hearing the words that described my journey to breaking free of the chains of abuse, of learning to forgive myself.

"I was trapped under your thumb  
Believing when you called it love  
But I will forgive myself and start to let it go  
Accept that who you chose to be  
Was out of my control  
And though it might be hard to  
Begin again  
I'll write myself a brand new story  
With a happy end  
I survived  
So tonight  
I am talking back my life  
And I'll show you that I'm not nothing." I closed my eyes, humming softly along to the song. I felt Garrett take my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I kept my head above the water 'til the moment  
When all the elements aligned  
And i could fly away  
To heal my broken spirit  
And leave my demons far behind  
You always said that i was weak  
But the bravest thing i did was leave  
So, i will forgive myself  
And start to let it go  
Accept that who you chose to be  
Was out of my control  
And though it might be hard to  
Begin again  
I'll write myself a brand new story  
With a happy end  
I survived  
So tonight  
I am talking back my life  
And I'll show you that I'm not nothing." I squeezed his hand as I recalled staring at myself in the mirror, seeing a broken girl looking back and getting angry. I was killing myself because it was easier then facing my problems. I had said those very words to myself, slamming my fists on the counter as I swore I would stop, it would all stop. The drugs, the drinking, the self harm. It. Would. Stop.   
"Looking up at the sky,  
I think I see the start of a sunrise  
And I will forgive myself  
And start to let it go  
Accept that who you chose to be  
Was out of my control  
And though it might be hard to  
Begin again  
I'll write myself a brand new story  
With a happy end  
I survived  
So tonight  
I am talking back my life  
And I'll show you that I'm not nothing  
I'll show you that I'm not nothing." The song faded out and Garrett brought both my hands up, kissing the backs of them, his eyes closed.

"You are not nothing," he said softly. I swallowed and nodded, feeling tears gather on my lower lashes.

"It took me years to realize that," I said. "I tell people I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19. Because...because it was something I chose to give instead of something forcibly taken by someone who should have protected me." He nodded.

"It was," he said. "You choose when to have sex. Rape is not sex. And you don't get to choose it." I smiled, looking at our joined hands.

"I had to accept that who they were...was completely out of my control and it was the hardest thing," I said. "I was so used to my father blaming me for everything that I began to believe it. Accepting that...it broke so much of his control over me. I always knew why I was broken, I just never understood how far the cracks ran until I learned to forgive myself." Garrett was at my side, his hands still gripping mine. He leaned in close, those golden eyes searching mine.

"You're not broken," he whispered. "You're incredible. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met." He kissed me, wrapping one arm around me and bracing against the table with the other. I gasped against his lips, melting into him. He pulled back, his lips hovering close to mine.

"Never say you're 'broken', baby," he begged. "You're beautiful. If either of us is broken, it's me."

"Why are you broken?" I asked, cupping his cheek in my palm.

"For years I've just been wandering around, trying to find a purpose for my life," he said. "I fought Meredith because I figured I had nothing to lose. If anyone should fight her, it should be me, because if I died...it wouldn't matter..." I crashed my lips into his, cutting off his next words.

"Don't," I whimpered. "Don't think that. Don't...you can't..."

"I don't anymore," he said with a grin, gold eyes looking into mine. "Things have been looking up." I smirked, trailing my fingers over his face, over the crescent scar that wrapped around his left brow, a souvenir from his battle with the Arishok.

"In my world, there is a practice called Kintsugi," I said. He arched a brow.

"Kintsugi?" he repeated, stumbling over the foreign syllables.

"Yes. It's the art of repairing broken pottery with gold with the understanding that it is more beautiful for having been broken." He grinned, his eyes slipping closed as he leaned forward to kiss me.

"You're my Kintsugi," I said.

"No," he murmured against my lips. "Your mine." I giggled, pulling him down to the cushions. He eased his weight on me, kissing me hotly. He pulled back, pointing vaguely towards the table.

"This is your song, baby," he hummed and I listened, realizing another Beth Crowley song had begun to play. 'Warrior' drifted out softly from my phone and I laughed, threading my fingers through his hair. He smiled down at me, rubbing his hand along the curve of my waist.

"I'm going to have to get up," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because if I don't, I'm going to end up pushing your dress aside and having sex with you." He gave me a long kiss before climbing off me and walking out on the balcony. I giggled and waited, finishing my food as he calmed himself. He returned and ate the last few bites of his food before taking my hand and pulled me to my feet. He pulled me out to the balcony and I smiled as he pointed up, showing me Satina hanging full in the sky. I leaned against him, enjoying the warmth of his body and the smell of sandalwood and leather.

"Will you spend the night?" I asked. He smiled down at me, fingers trailing along my cheek.

"Not tonight, baby," he said. "But soon." I let out a soft sigh and nodded, turning my gaze back to the stars.

"Hey. Don't be like that. I promise, all right? Soon. I just want to do this right." I looked up into his golden eyes and smiled.

"I know," I said. "I guess I should appreciate that I'm not just a sex object to you and..." I paused, suddenly realizing something. I scowled and he smiled.

"Figure it out?" he asked.

"You're doing this because...at one point in my life..."

"That's how you were treated," he finished. "I'm sure it's been more than once. I know young men really only think with their dicks. I used to be one of them." I stared up at him for a long moment before I pulled him into a tight hug.

"You're amazing," I said into his chest. He chuckled, hugging me back, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last sweet fluffy chapter before the smut parade. It also explains the lack of smut. So sweet.


	33. Discovery Channel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize only older people will get the title reference. Anyway, time for the smut parade. Abandon ship now if you're under age because it's about to go so far down the rabbit hole you're going to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. The next chapter is really just the beginning. It get's worse. I'm a bad, bad girl. Cullen and Garrett should punish me. Rawr and stuff.

I spun around, admiring the dress that Dorian and the seamstress had worked on. It was beautiful. The skirt still flared at the hips, but more modestly. The tiny twinkling stones formed a subtle swirling pattern along the skirt that licked at the waist of the gown. The sleeves were now fine silver lace ending in points on the back of my hands and the lace at the collar as well as the fan monstrosity was gone. The front had been sewn to show the barest hint of cleavage below which was a golden embroidered Inquisition crest.

“Damn, baby,” Garrett moaned, eyeing me hungrily.

“It's beautiful,” I marveled. 

“Now that is a dress to be seen in,” Dorian agreed, encouraging me to twirl so he could admire me.

“I must admit, it suits you, madam,” the seamstress said. 

“It need's something,” Dorian hummed, eyeing me.

“I believe I can help with that,” Solas said, stepping into the room. “You look lovely, by the way, falon.”

“'Ma Serannas,” I said. Solas stepped towards me and produced a large band of gold decorated with twisting vines. I held my hair up as he fastened it around my neck, the jeweled charms tickling my skin.

“Solas, it's beautiful,” I sighed, looking at it in the mirror.

“And perfect,” Dorian cheered.

“It was my mother's,” Solas said, his expression tender. “It is one of the few things I kept...” I was shocked by his statement. Why would he give me something so precious to him?

“I can't take this,” I gasped, lifting my hands to remove it. His fingers circled my wrists, pulling them away.

“I want you to have it,” he said, his gaze boring into mine. I opened my mouth to protest, tell him I couldn't, it was too much.

“Maker, you look beautiful,” Cullen breathed as he walked into the room. I blushed, twisting the skirt gently as Solas stepped back from me.

“Let's go show everyone!” Gethorn suggested, reaching for my hand. 

“No,” Josephine, Dorian and the seamstress said at the same time.

“We don't want to get the dress dirty,” Josephine said. “Everyone will see it when we go to Halamshiral.”

“My darling, you're a vision!” Vivienne gushed as she strolled into the room. “Now we just need to get you to a salon to do something about that hair...and those brows.”

“What's wrong with my brows?” I asked, scowling.

“They need to be plucked, darling,” she said. “We'll get you all dolled up.”

“I'm going to regret this,” I sighed, getting tired of the whirlwind going on around me. “Garrett, can you help me out of this dress?” 

“Boy can I,” he laughed, jumping to his feet and following me to the dressing screen. “Everyone out. I'm about to ravish the seer.”

“Not in my office you won't,” Josephine huffed while everyone laughed. Garrett carefully unbuttoned the dress before pulling at the laces of the corset beneath. His fingers trailed along my skin as his lips teased my neck.

“Behave,” I hissed.

“Can't,” he whispered in my ear making me shiver. “You look so beautiful.” His fingers moved down my stomach as he peeled the layers off me, trailing over my sex. He chuckled, rubbing me through my smalls.

“You're wet,” he hummed.

“Garrett,” I whimpered, squirming against him. He helped me into my skirt and blouse, leaving my corset on the floor. I let out a squeak as he lifted me into his arms and walked around the screen.

“We'll be back in a bit,” he declared, strolling out the door. Josephine sighed and pulled out her planner, marking something out.

“I'll clear the Seer's afternoon,” she said as the others in the room laughed.

"Clear her whole day!" Garrett called back.

“Try not to get her pregnant,” Dorian called after us. “The dress won't fit if she's pregnant.”

“I want siblings!” Gethorn cried.

“I could always let ze dress out,” the seamstress hummed as she returned it to the mannequin. Garrett grinned, heading towards my room while I slapped at his chest.

“You're a beast,” I huffed. "What happened to not having sex?"

"I can't hold back anymore," he growled. "You looked...Maker, amazing. Not that you don't always." Garrett pushed the door open with his shoulder before kicking it closed. He threw me on the bed, pinning me down and jerking my skirt off followed by my smalls, greedily eyeing my sex.

“That's such a pretty little cunny,” he purred, leaning forward and giving it a long lick that had me thrashing. He sat back, quickly pulling his shirt over his head and I admired his muscled chest dusted with black hair that trailed to his firm stomach. I sat up, tugging at the hem of my blouse nervously as Garrett pulled his pants off, his thick cock straining in his smalls. Muscled thighs with a smattering of black hair flexed as he knelt in front of me, resting his forearms on his knees.

“Baby, what's wrong?” he asked.

“I don't want you to see me,” I said, shyly.

“What?” he questioned, shocked. “Why not? Is something wrong? I thought you didn't care about being naked.”

“Normally, no,” I said. “But in a sexual situation...”

“Baby?” he pressed. “What is it?”

“I'm not...I...my body...” I stumbled over my words, not sure how to explain my discomfort. I didn't like that he'd look at me intently, taking everything in. When I was naked in public, no one cared or paid attention, but being so intimately observed made me self-conscious. Calloused hands gripped the edge of my blouse, easing it over my head. When my arms slipped free, Garrett tossed it to the ground before reaching out and unwinding my breast band as I tried to cover myself with my hands. Garrett took my wrists and pulled my hands away, letting his eyes trail down to the swell of my breast and the subtle roundness of my stomach. His fingers brushed over the stretch marks and the long scar that still graced my side from the escape at Haven. He massaged my thick thighs, leaning forward and kissing me.

“You're beautiful, baby,” he said. “Is it the stretchmarks? I have those. Look.” He stood, turning to show me his hip where several faint marks marred his skin. I reached out, tracing them lightly with my fingers.

“I shot up the summer of my thirteenth year,” he said. “And I have scars.” He pointed out the ones on his chest, arms and legs, smiling at me. I mapped them out with my fingers, standing up and moving closer to him. As I did, his own hands moved to my hips, fingering the marks on my hipbones and stomach, tracing them with his fingers before giving the gentlest tug to the bellybutton ring.

“Nothing to be ashamed of,” he murmured.

“Thank you,” I said. He urged me back to the bed, kissing along my neck as his hands cupped and massaged my breast. I mewled as he toyed with my nipples before dipping his head and taking one breast in his mouth. I moaned, running my fingers through his dark hair, letting him push my legs apart so he could move closer. His fingers teased my vulva lips, pushing them apart carefully to trail one of his fingers down my clit. I gasped and bucked my hips, reaching for him. He took one of my hands, kissing my palm before moving back between my legs and sucking on one swollen lip, nipping at it gently. He moved his attention to the other one then dragged his tongue down to my twitching hole, pushing inside.

“Nooo...” I moaned. He paused, looking up at me with those iridescent golden eyes of his before sliding his two fingers inside, flexing them carefully. I mewled, arching my back and pushing down on them.

“Stoooop...” I whimpered as his other hand caressed my thigh.

“Why?” he asked.

“Stop teasing,” I gasped. He smirked, turning his head and nipping at my thigh.

“I want to tease you,” he purred and pressed his lips against my lower ones, his tongue tormenting my clit. He put a hand on my stomach, holding my hips down as he tortured me, making me writhe beneath him. He suddenly pulled away, keeping his fingers lodged in me as he moved up, lapping and sucking on my nipples. When I started to tremble, he slid his free hand beneath me, pulling me closer to him. I begged for him, trying to touch the turgid cock pressed to my hip, but his body was in my way so I clung to his back and bicep, jerking my hips against his hand until I climaxed with a low, keening wail. He eased me out of my orgasm, placing sucking kisses on my collarbone and neck.

“Can I put it in?” he asked, teasing my earrings with his tongue.

“Yesssss,” I hissed, holding him eagerly when he moved between my legs, the head of his cock pushing carefully against my slick hole. It had been awhile since I had been sexually active, and my entrance clenched in resistance before relaxing as Garrett's cock stretched my walls, pushing them apart. When he was fully seated, he paused, his face screwed in concentration.

“Are you...is it...I mean...” I stammered, suddenly unsure. Gold eyes flew open, the pupils dilated so that only a thin ring of yellow circled it.

“Is it...? Fuck, it's amazing!” he gasped, leaning down and kissing me. “I just...don't want to hurt you.” I smiled and rubbed my hands soothingly over his chest and shoulders. It wasn't long before he was slowly moving his hips, pulling out carefully before easing back in. I whimpered and bucked back against him, wanting it harder, but he kept his pace.

“Please, Garrett,” I begged, rolling my hips desperately. He bent down, teeth dragging on my neck as he picked up the tempo, one hand sliding under my head and grabbing my hair, angling my head back to expose more of my throat.  His other hand gripped my hip, tilting it so he could move perfectly. My legs feel open, my feet sliding on the sheets as I tried to find purchase. Suddenly, he thrust forward and stilled, his hips pinning mine to the mattress. I whined low in my throat, wrapping my arms around him and digging my fingers into his back.

“Please, please, please,” I panted. He kissed me slowly, swallowing my pleas, his tongue dancing along mine, tasting of lyrium and ale. He pulled back, his hips jerking just enough to make me whimper.

“Tell me where to touch you,” he said. My mind blanked. No one had ever said that to me in bed.

“I don't know,” I sobbed, jerking beneath him.

“You don't know?” he teased, out of breath.

“Please, Garrett,” I begged.

“I don't want to finish yet,” he explained, kissing under my chin. I fought to regain control of myself and push the haze of lust away.

“My back,” I said. He smiled and pulled me into his lap so I was impaled on his cock, squirming wildly. His fingers lightly caressed my skin, following the curve of my spin to the top of my buttocks before tracing back up.

“My...nnn...my breast,” I whimpered. He dipped his head, arching my back so my chest was pushed up to his face, his lips trailed along the curve of my breast, his beard tickling my skin before he placed a delicate kiss on one nipple. His other hand came up, his fingers following the same path before gently flicking over the nub. I looked down as he licked his thumb, amber eyes locked with mine as his lips parted and he slowly sucked my pebbled nipple into his mouth, tongue twirling around the bud, his thumb mimicking his movements on the other side. I dug my nails into his skin, the sight and feel of him putting me completely on edge. His hips jerked, bouncing me on his lap hard a few times before I was climaxing, clamping down around him wildly. He eased me back onto the bed, his arm around my shoulders while his free hand gripped my thigh, lifting it to his waist.

“You're not a virgin, are you?” he asked.

“No,” I said.

“You've had lovers?” he clarified.

“Yes,” I responded, trembling against him.

“They musta been assholes,” he said. I laughed shortly.

“Why do you say that?” 

“It's like you've never been touched properly,” he growled. His tongue plundered my mouth, leaving me breathless as he pulled his cock almost completely out of me before slamming back in. He plowed into me with abandon, the sound of skin on skin filling the room as I gasped and writhed beneath him. He dug his fingers into my thigh and the edge of pain made me buck my hips harder. Before long, I teetered on the edge again, driven there by the feel of his thick cock forcing my walls apart, again and again, the way his sack slapped against my ass, the taste of his tongue and the way his hand jerked my hips up.

“Hur-...” I began, but stopped, biting my lip.

“What, baby?” he panted. “What do you want?”

“M-more...” I stammered. His forehead pressed into the pillow as he let out a breathless laugh in my ear. 

“That's not what you were gonna say,” he gasped out. “Tell me, baby.” He slammed into me hard, grinding against me.

“H-Hurt me,” I stammered, unsure if he would know or even accept what I said. We had never discussed kinks before. He paused for a heartbeat, growling softly. His teeth dug into my neck hard as his hips picked up the pace, his thrusts becoming almost jarring. I orgasmed, fluids gushing out around his cock as my walls spasmed around him. He groaned, his teeth digging in harder as he held himself inside me, his cock jerking as it spit out rope after rope of come, bathing my insides. As the high subsided, he pulled his teeth from my skin, kissing and licking the spot he had dug in.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Fuck the hell yes,” I hissed. He laughed softly, kissing me slowly. I shivered as his cock softened and slipped free, his cum trickling out of me.

“Damn, baby,” he sighed, collapsing to the side. “That was...” He groaned and turned, pulling me to his chest.

“Is that good or bad?” I asked.

“Definitely good,” he moaned. “You're so sensitive.” I yawned and lay my head on his chest, smiling up at him sleepily. He ran his fingers through my hair as I nuzzled into him, my eyelids feeling very heavy all of a sudden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It really get's progressively more smutty. Jesus, what have I done?


	34. Don't Stop Believing

Garrett hummed as he came awake, reaching up and taking my hand that had been toying with his chest hair, placing gentle kisses on my fingers.

“Morning, Baby,” he yawned.

“Good morning,” I replied, softly. He gave me a sleepy smile and hugged me to him, pressing tender kisses on my lips, heedless of the stale taste in our mouths. 

“I knew you'd be a cuddler,” he murmured.

“How is that?” I asked.

“When you were sick,” he said. “Whoever was up with you would usually lay in bed with you for a nap and you'd always cuddle up to them.” 

“Is that bad?” I asked.

“Not at all,” he said. “I like that I wake up with your naked body against me.” He groped my breast gently, kissing me again before pulling away and climbing out of bed, slipping to the small water closet in my room.

“Gotta pee,” he grunted. I heard the sound of liquid hitting the chamber pot and climbed out of bed, going to my closet and pulling out my clothes for the day. As I was pulling on a clean pair of smalls, strong arms wound around me, pulling back against his sleep-warmed body.

“Where are you going?”

“We can't spend all day in bed,” I chuckled.

“Why not?” he asked, nipping at my shoulder.

“Because I have things to do,” I explained, spinning in his arms.

“When was the last time you took a day off?” he asked, arching a brow. I fell silent, unable to answer. I hadn't had a day to myself in ages.

“You're going to spend the day in bed,” Garrett said. “In a few weeks, we leave for Adament and I want to have you all to myself for one day.” I looked up into amber eyes and gave him a tender smile.

“Very well,” I said. “Let me get a servant to let everyone know.”

“Thank you,” he said, kissing me. 

I threw on a robe and grabbed a passing servant, asking them to let Josephine know I was taking the day off and the please clear my schedule and let everyone know. I would make it up to the ambassador later with a box of chocolate. 

I returned to the room and let Garrett tug my robe off, his eyes a molten gold as he did so.

“I've made jokes, but we've never really talked about the future or if you even want kids,” he mused.

“I'm open to the idea,” I said. “I won't religiously track my cycle so I know when I'm fertile, but if it happens, it happens.”

“And if you can return to your world?” he asked. I paused. In truth, I hadn't thought about it much. I still searched for a way to get at least Madison back, but I hadn't thought about my own place in the endeavor. It wasn't like I could just travel between the worlds to visit those I loved. When...if the time came, I would have to choose and that choice would be permanent.  
Garrett's hands stilled on my arms and he looked at me, his eyes full of questions.

“I don't know what the future holds,” I said. “Well, I don't know what my own future holds. Whatever fate has in store for me, I would hope it would allow me to say with you.”

“What does that mean?” he asked. I grinned.

“It means, that as of right now, my plans are to find a way home, push Madison through it if he wishes and then when all this mess with Corypheus is over, go where you go,” I said. He beamed down at me, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me up to kiss me.

“To Kirkwall, then?” he asked. “Gethorn can even come with us if he wishes. Madison, too, if you haven't pushed him into a rift.”

“Then Kirkwall it is,” I said. Garrett grinned, kissing me deeply before setting me back on my feet and pulling me back to bed.

We didn't end up spending _all_ day in bed, just most of it. We left my room, fully dressed to get food and socialize, starting our fire circle a little early. It had always amused me how, what started out as a way to relax at night as we trekked to Skyhold for the inner circle, had evolved into anyone who wished coming to sit and talk and laugh. Our only rule had been to be nice to each other and it seemed to work well aside from the occasional hot debate. 

I sat on the log next to Garrett, showing him a youtube video I had downloaded ages ago in which a group of men danced provocatively to a pop song. He had thought it was hilarious and replayed it again and again while trying to dance as they did.

“Isn't this sexy, baby?” he asked as the music played. I was currently draped over Madison's shoulder, laughing my ass off as my boyfriend shook his hips in time with the music while making kissy faces at me.

“Sweet Maker, no!” I gasped. “But I still love you!”

“What are you doing, Hawke?” Fenris asked as he joined up, arms crossed over his chest and one dark brow arched.

“Doing the dances of her world,” Garrett replied, swinging one arm in a circle while the other was bent to grip his hip.

“You look like an ass,” Fenris said, smirking. I pounded my fist on the ground, laughing wildly.

“Fuckin' hell, I love you so much, Garrett,” I howled, almost unable to breathe.

“You know I look good, Fen,” Hawke said. The song ended and I refused to play it again, unable to pick up my phone since I was laughing too hard.

“You broke her,” Madison said, looking down to where I now laughed noiselessly, tears spilling down my cheeks. 

“I just love making her laugh,” he said with a smirk, reaching down and hauling me into his arms. I hugged him tightly, fighting to compose myself as I pressed my face into his chest.

“I'm gonna pee myself,” I gasped out, pushing away from Garrett and stumbling towards the outhouses. This was followed by a round of laughter from the men that made me shoot a bird over my shoulder before dashing off to pee.

When I returned, Garrett was playing with my phone, going through the music and listening to snippets.

“Such interesting technology,” he hummed as he scrolled through it. After a time, he grew bored of it and handed it back to me.

“I want to hear you sing,” he said as he did. I paused, snorting and shaking my head.

“Yeah, no.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“There are laws against torture,” I replied.

“You have a beautiful voice,” Madison said, scowling.

“I'm not singing,” I said, flatly.

“Pleeeeeeaaaaaase?” Garrett tried, looking at me with his version of puppy eyes which made me giggle.

“No!” I said. “Not happening.”

“Dooooo it,” Madison encouraged.

“I'm not doing it!” I cried.

“Not doing what?” Bull asked as he wandered over, a few others coming to join as well.

“We're trying to get her to sing,” Madison said.

“Ahhh,” Bull hummed. “Maybe if we get her drunk.” He looked down into his tankard and smirked. He pushed the cup under my nose and the smell of what I can only describe as pure booze filled my nose, making me cough.

“Holy shit!” I cried. “What _is_ that?”

“Don't think about it,” he said. “Just take a swig.” I looked into the cup for a moment, skeptical about drinking any booze Bull offered me. I took the tankard, taking a large swig and choking on it, pulling the cup back and coughing harshly.

“Yeah!” Bull laughed, grinning. “Put some chest on your chest!”

“I don't have enough?” I asked, taking another drink and forcing it down my throat before coughing again, this time less than before.

“Second drink's always easier,” Bull said, rubbing my back gently. “Nerves of your throat are already dead.”

“What are you giving her?” Cullen asked as he took his usual seat.

“Taste like Druffolo piss,” I snorted, taking another drink, before pushing the cup back into his hands and shaking my head. Bull laughed and plopped down nearby, taking his own swig before coughing himself.

“We want her to sing,” Madison explained.

“Nope,” I said in a sing-song voice, smirking. The booze had hit me hard and I was feeling good. Madison eyed me for a moment, a grin on his face.

“You'll sing,” he said.

“No, I won't,” I replied flippantly, leaning against Garrett. Madison's blue eyes met mine as a large smirk spread across his lips.

“Just a small town girl,” he sang, “living in a lonely world...”

He stopped and I turned to glare at him. He only smiled before I sighed, closed my eyes and belted out;

“She took the midnight train going anywhere!” His grin widened and he continued, knowing exactly how to get me to sing.

“Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit...” He hummed, leaning back against a log.

“He took the midnight train going anywhere,” I continued.

“A singer in a smoky room  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on.” I stopped, Madison picking up where I left off.

“Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding, somewhere in the night.”  
I leaned towards him, taking up the next verse as I shook my shoulders a bit, the booze making me not care as I sang the song loudly.

“Working hard to get my fill  
Everybody wants a thrill  
Payin' anything to roll the dice  
Just one more time.”  
Madison joined in for the next part and we both sang, though my voice overpowered his a bit.

“Some will win, some will lose  
Some were born to sing the blues  
Oh, the movie never ends  
It goes on and on and on and on.  
Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding, somewhere in the night  
Don't stop believing  
Hold on to the feeling  
Streetlights people  
Don't stop believing  
Hold on  
Streetlight people  
Don't stop believing  
Hold on to the feeling  
Streetlights people.” I didn't notice, but at some point, Madison had stopped singing and I was sitting by the fire, loudly singing the Journey song, my eyes closed, my hand raising as the song came to an end. When I stopped, those around the fire applauded and catcalled, loud whoops of joy following the end of the song.

“Damn, baby,” Garrett laughed. “Do it again!”

“Nope!” I said.

“C'mon!” he begged, pressing kisses to my neck. “Please?”

“Nope!” I grinned. 

“You won't sing to our baby's?” he asked, nuzzling my cheek.

“I will,” I said. “The poor things.”

“Wanna see her dance?” Madison asked, his eyes sparkling.

“Fuck yes!” Garrett said, whipping his head towards my friend. Madison nodded to Bull who handed me his tankard. A looked at the bottom, seeing there wasn't much booze left. I drained the cup, coughing hard while Madison pounded on my back. After a moment, my best friend looked at me, kissed my cheek and sang in my ear;

“Tommy used to work on the docks...” I sighed and gave up. He knew me too well. I quickly began singing the song, standing and pulling Garrett to his feet, spinning him around in an impromptu dance. Those around the fire laughed and cheered and I let go of Garrett's hands to pull a blushing Cassandra to her feet as I sang the old song from my childhood. When I was done, I plopped back down next to my boyfriend, crossed my arms and stuck my tongue out.

“And fuck you all,” I declared. Varric laughed, quickly writing something in a notebook.

“I'm going to be begging you to sing for me, now,” Garrett said.

“You wanna hear music, pull it up on my phone,” I snorted. Garrett wrapped an arm around me, kissing my cheek, then my ear and finally my neck.

“I wanna hear my beautiful lover sing for me,” he purred.

“Oh that's _cheating_ ,” I hissed, trying to pull away.

“One more song?” he asked, pouting.

“Later tonight, maybe,” I said. He grinned and planted a loud, smacking kiss on my lips.

“I'll hold you to it,” he said. I sighed and shook my head, glaring down at Madison who only winked at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted this tonight cause I won't to tomorrow.  
> A little fluff and then...down the rabbit hole we fucking go.


	35. I Hurt Myself Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been patiently waiting, so here's a little sneak peek. For those waiting for the Dom!Cullen part, I'm sad to say we don't really get into that until chapter 82. We ease into it as we go, but the smut with him doesn't begin until later. I wanted this to be as realistic as possible and the requires character building, breakthroughs and, yes, even heartbreak. When I did the first write-through, it was chapter 40, but it didn't seem real and I wanted you to love the characters as much as I came to love them, especially the OC. I wanted you to be with her through her ups and downs, cry with her and to understand just how she came to be the person she is.   
> I wanted there to be a real honest reason she was in Thedas with Madison. I wanted there to be a reason for EVERYTHING, which was always lacking in other MGIT fanfics.  
> Anyway, getting off my soapbox. Enjoy and thanks for sticking with me!

I plucked at the end of my finger and chewed my lip nervously, not sure how to ask for what I wanted. Garrett lounged on the couch in my room, a book in his hands. He licked his finger and turned the page, those golden eyes moving back and forth as he read.

“Garrett,” I called softly. He looked up and smiled at me.

“Hey, baby,” he cooed, holding an arm out for me. I went over and let him pull me onto the couch, resisting when he tried to pull me to his chest. He scowled and pushed my hair back from my face.

“You all right?” he asked.

“I...I wanted to ask you something,” I said around my lip which was still caught between my teeth. He cupped my cheek, his thumb tapping my lip before gently prying it free.

“All right, _stop_ torturing your lip first,” he teased. “You're about to make it bleed.” I did as he asked, trying to fight the nervous habit.

“I...uhm...I want you to do something to me,” I said. His brow arched and he sat up straighter.

“What?” he asked, his lips curling into a mischievous grin. “Want me to spank you?”

“ _Yes_ ,” I breathed and his brows shot to his hairline.

“Wha- _really_?” he asked.

“I...you don't have to,” I said in a rush. “It's just...I...I like it...rough. I like.... _Christ_ , I don't know how to say this! You're going to be _disgusted_!” I put my face in my hands, whimpering.

“Hey now,” he cooed, reaching over and taking my wrists, pulling them away. “Just say it. You like rough sex? You like when I bite you?”

“Yes but...I...I...fuck...do you know what BDSM is?” I asked.

“Tell me,” he said. 

“Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism,” I said. Garrett's lips formed an 'o' and he nodded his head, leaning back against the couch, throwing his arm over the back.

“I see,” he said, setting his book on the coffee table and rubbing his chin.

“Do you?” I asked.

“You're a masochist,” he said, gold eyes focused on me. I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself.

“I understand if you don't...I mean....I...” I closed my eyes, unable to look at him and see the disgust in his eyes. His hand was in my hair, twisting my locks viciously and jerking my head back. A gasp left my lips and my eyelids fluttered. Hot lips brushed against my ear before the lobe was caught between teeth.

“Does my little _slut_ like to be hurt?” he purred and I moaned. He chuckled, lips brushing over mine. A hand pushed aside my nightgown, cupping my breast and plucking at my nipple.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you,” he said and I could hear his smile. My eyes fluttered open and I looked at Garrett who was leaning over me, a grin on his lips. I arched a brow at him and he rolled his eyes.

“I mean _besides_ all the other things I love about you,” he said.

“You're not weirded out, then?” I asked. He chuckled and shook his head.

“I don't have a whole lot of experience with it all, but I've always been interested in it,” he said. “There's something... _intoxicating_ about having that much trust placed in you. And I won't deny that I like hurting you...er...when you like it, that is. You'll have to teach me what you like and how to do it.”

“I can tell you what I like,” I said. “If you're looking for a teacher, Iron Bull would be the best one to ask. He's really into it all and knows a lot. More than me, probably.”

“How do you know _that_?” he asked, eyes narrowed.

“Seer,” I answered simply.

“Ahhhh. Well, I will definitely be having a _long_ talk with him. For now, what are some things you don't want me to do? Or that you do, whichever. Let's talk.” He released my hair and pulled me into his arms, reclining back against the couch. 

“I like pain,” I said, nuzzling into his chest. “I like when my orgasms are dictated.”

“Dictated?”

“Like, I climax on command,” I clarified and he nodded in understanding. “I like being restrained, dirty talk, toys....uhm....spanking, whipping, flogging, all of it. Light humiliation,  forced orgasms...” On and on I listed off whatever I could think of. I felt him grow hard, but he didn't stop the gentle caress of his fingers through my hair. He was silent as I talked, only asking questions for clarity and I thought he may be rethinking the entire thing. I started to pull away from him, but he only drew me back to him, kissing me tenderly.

“Mmm, I can't wait to get to play with you,” he moaned. “We can do a little bit now, but I need to talk to Bull before I go all out. You'll be patient with me while I learn all this, won't you?” I kissed him hotly, nodding my head frantically.

“Y-yes,” I gasped. “Of course. I... _thank you_!”

“Why are you thanking me, baby?” he chuckled.

“For...I don't know...for being so accepting?”

“Well,” he hummed. “Like I said, I've been interested in this kind of thing for awhile. It's just a bonus that you enjoy it. I used to watch them at the Blooming Rose, but there weren't a whole lot of people who wanted me to paddle them.” He pulled me close, hugging me tightly. His lips skimmed over my face, tracing along the curves and contours, kissing gently.

“Have I told you that I think you're my fucking soul mate?” he asked with a grin. I blushed, looking away and biting my lower lip. His fingers turned my head back and he arched a brow.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

“I just...I've heard that before and it's never ended well,” I said. His gaze softened and he brushed his knuckles against my cheek. 

“I will _never_ hurt you,” he said, leaning in and kissing my eyelids. “Not in any way you don't want to. If I did, I'd get the shit beaten out of me.” I laughed and buried my face in his neck.

“I think you could take Madison,” I said.

“He's a _beast_ with that bow of his,” Garrett said. “But he's not my main concern. Solas and Cullen are. Not to mention, I think everyone at Skyhold would join forces to hunt me down and see me hanged.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“You exaggerate,” I said.

“That's the thing,” he said. “No, I'm not! If you showed up with a black eye, in tears, I'd be a fucking dead man!” I giggled and clutched his shirt. He cupped my cheek, tilting my head back so he could look at me.

“But, then again, if I hurt you like that...I would deserve whatever they dished out. I would never want to hurt you...I...I love you...so much.” I cupped his cheek, smiling.

“I love you,” I said. “I had stopped looking for someone, for a companion and lover. It wasn't even on my mind when I came here. But I'm glad you pushed me against the door and kissed me.” Garrett stared at me, a smile on his lips as he rubbed his thumb over my lower lip. His gaze moved over my face as if he were memorizing it.

“You're amazing,” he said. “I can't believe someone in your world didn't steal you away.”

“I was engaged once,” I said.

“Really?” he asked, his brows arching. “What happened?”

“He was abusive,” I said, jumping when Garrett's grip tightened on me. “Not like that. He never hit me in anger. He just...everything bad that happened was somehow my fault. Things I couldn't possibly have a hand in where somehow my fault. I was never good enough. I was a fuck up. No one would ever want me except him because of how horrible I would fuck up and any emotional issues I had with his abuse were because I was broken...”

“ _Stop_ ,” Garrett snarled. “I...can I go to your world and kick his ass?”

“No, love,” I said.

“ _Fuck_ that guy,” he spat. “You're _amazing_. You're the _kindest_ , most _caring_ , _loving_ person I've ever met. If he couldn't see that he was the fucked up one...Maker, this is pissing me off.” I laughed and snuggled into him, feeling him hold me tightly.

“I'm going to talk to Bull tomorrow,” Garrett said, changing the subject even though I could tell he was still upset.

“Okay,” I said. Garrett and I lay together on the sofa for a time, petting and kissing one another. Garrett seemed to be thinking so I remained silent, watching him as he scowled slightly in thought.

“So, what is a particular fantasy you want?” he asked.

“I...what?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Like...hmmm....how do I say this?” he stroked his bearded chin, looking up at the ceiling. “What is something you would want me to do to you? Not just spanking you or pulling your hair. How would...shit...I don't know how to say this.”

“You're asking about how I would want a scene to go?” I asked. He looked at me blankly and I laughed.

“In BDSM, a scene is a pre-planned space where play takes place,” I explained. “It's where you do things related to BDSM and it's usually discussed fully beforehand and planned out according to what the submissive, me, wants or needs.”

“Yes! _That_!” Garrett said enthusiastically. “What would be a scene you would like.”

“Well, there are several,” I said.

“Well, what's one that prompted you to come to me with this?” I chewed my lip, drawing random patterns on his chest and looking up at him from beneath my lashes.

“I have one that I wanted to ask you to do, but...I don't know....” I sighed and turned away. Garrett huffed, gripping my chin gently and turning my head to him.

“Hey, I'm still _here_ ,” he said. “Just ask. If I'm not comfortable with something, I'll tell you. Stop holding back.”

“I want...” I blushed, tormenting my lower lip as I tried to force myself to say what I wanted.

“Okay, let's start with this,” he said. “I imagine you, tied up, helpless as I torment you. I'd spank you, flog you, paddle you, whatever, until you were begging me to fuck you. Then I'd tease your breast until you were crying, so on edge you could climax from just a touch. Then I'd fuck you. I'd fuck you as you orgasmed and keep fucking you, watching you writhe beneath me, climaxing again and again until you were about to pass out. Then I'd fill you full of my seed as you climaxed for the last time.” I moaned loudly, my eyes closing as I pictured it, my thighs pressing together. Garrett's lips ghosted over mine as his hand slid inside my gown, cupping my breast and thumbing my beaded nipple.

“Liked that, didja?” he breathed, flicking his tongue out against mine.

“Yesssss,” I hissed, arching into him.

“Your turn,” he purred, giving me a quick kiss.

“I want... _oh christ_...I want you to force yourself on me,” I gasped. “Hold me down no matter how I protest, take me, play with me. Force me to enjoy it. Force me to climax even as I tell you to stop. I'll scream as you fuck me, my mouth saying stop but my cunny so wet, gripping your cock tightly, cumming on it.”

“Oh _shit_ ,” Garret gasped and his mouth was on mine, his hand pulling free from my gown and slipping beneath it, pushing two digits inside me. “Maker, you're wet. Take your gown off. I need you.” I did as he said, standing and divesting myself of my clothes as he kicked his pants off and pulled his shirt over his head. He sat on the couch, holding his arms out to me and easing me into his lap where he lined his cock up and eased me down on it. It wasn't long before I was riding him with abandon, his mouth at my neck and one hand teased my breast as the other guided my hips.

“That's it,” he hissed. “Ride me, _slut_. Ride that cock.” I groaned, my hips faltering. He landed a careful slap on my rump and I cried out, my back arching sharply.

“Oh _shit_ ,” he swore. “ _Fuck_ , you got tighter. Oh Maker, _yes_. You're so hot.” I whimpered when it became difficult for me to move, my hips unable to keep the rhythm. Garrett pulled out and pushed me down on the couch on my hands and knee's, quickly sheathing himself inside me. He fucked me roughly, his hand delivering punishing slaps to my upturned buttocks until I was clawing at the cushions, desperate to orgasm.

“Oh, I'm close, baby,” he gasped.

“Tell me,” I panted. “ _Tell me_ , Garrett.”

“ _Shit_. Cum for me, baby. Cum on my cock. _Do it_!” He gripped my hair, twisting it harshly and I climaxed, screaming into the cushion. Garrett swore colorfully before spilling inside me and slumping against my back. We stayed like that for a time, trying to catch our breaths. Garrett pressed gentle kisses to my shoulders, his hands petting me as his cock softened and slipped free. He sat back, pulling me to him, his hands raking over my body, seeking and soothing.

“Are you hurt?” he asked.

“No,” I sighed, nestling against his chest. “I feel...mmmm...good.” He chuckled and kissed me, continuing his caresses until I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been in the BDSM scene myself for many years, even taught classes. The BDSM in this story is actual BDSM, not the abusive Fifty Shades Of Gray, bullshit. That means all the power in the relationship belongs to the OC. People like to use flowery words to describe the dynamic between a sub and dom/me, but I will put it into simple terms that I used in my classes.  
> I am the sub. This is _my_ game. That means we play by _my_ rules, or we don't play at all. Period.   
>  Things like Aftercare, consent, mind fucking and all other forms of kink will be introduced. There _will_ be rape-play. I will put warnings beforehand but please no angry comments about how rape isn't a game or sexual fetish because I assure you, it is, and it is most commonly done by those who have been raped as a form of therapy.  
>  Sorry for the long AN's, just wanted to make a few things clear before we proceed! ♥


	36. Rape Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING** The following scenes contain mentions and graphic depictions of rape-play. If you can't handle it and/or may be triggered by such things, please skip this chapter.  
>  EDIT: Added a picture.

True to his word, the next day Garret sought out The Iron Bull. The two spent hours talking, huddled in the corner of the tavern at a table, papers spread out while Garrett took notes and listened intently to everything Bull had to say. It warmed my heart as I watched from the doorway, Krem beside me, his arm around my shoulders.

“I have no idea what they're talking about,” the Tevinter said. “But your man is hanging on his every word.” I smirked, leaning against Krem.

“Yeah,” I said. Krem rubbed my shoulder affectionately.

“So, Seer,” he hummed. “When will we hear the pitter patter of little feet around Skyhold?”

“Not any time terribly soon,” I chuckled. “Why? You looking forward to diaper duty?” Krem chuckled, green eyes darting to me.

“Me? No,” he said. “But I bet the chief would love it.”

“Well, he raised you so well,” I teased, patting his chest. Krem blushed and grumbled under his breath. I giggled, throwing my arm around the man's waist, resting my head on his shoulder.

“They may call me 'Mom', but we all know that Bull is the Charger's 'Dad',” I said.  Krem laughed and I turned, leaving the tavern to go help Cullen with the mountain of reports on his desk.

Weeks passed with Garrett incorporating more and more sadism into our sex, spending time talking to Bull and asking me all kinds of questions. I had even been 'punished' when I had climaxed without permission, kept on edge for hours until I was weeping and desperate to orgasm.

My excitement grew as Garrett became more and more daring and I couldn't wait until he was confident enough to truly scene with me.

It came one evening when I was getting ready for bed. I hadn't heard him come in and was oblivious to his presence until his hand slipped between my legs, rubbing me firmly.

“You're going to lay on the bed,” he growled in my ear. “I'm going to play with you, so lay on the bed. I want you to fight me so I have to work at fucking you. Do you understand?”

“Yes, messere,” I sighed as lips teased my neck.

“Good girl.” A gentle nip. “What's your safeword?”

“Elfroot,” I panted. A sharp slap landed on my pussy and he left me. I heard the door open and close and crawled onto the bed. My breath came out in sharp gasps as I lay there, waiting. The door opened and I heard the gentle tap of shoes on the stone, moving closer to me. A hand cupped my hip, easing me onto my back. I moaned softly as I was rolled over, looking up at Garrett who was smiling down at me, golden eyes seeming to glow in the dim light of the fire.

“Ser Hawke?” I asked. “What are you doing?”

“I just needed to see you, Madam Seer,” he said softly. I whimpered and shook my head, rolling away from him and tugging the covers up like a barrier between us.

“No, not again, Champion,” I whined, curling in on myself. Kisses were pressed against my hair and cheek as calloused hands tried to tug the blanket away, but I kept a tight hold on it.

“I can't help myself, Seer,” he moaned, moving his kisses to the nape of my neck. “You feel _so_ good around my cock.”

“No, stop,” I begged, pretending to be crying. He managed to pry the blanket from my hands and pushed it to the end of the bed, eyeing my short nightgown.

“Mmm, my favorite,” he cooed, bunching the fabric up in his hand and lifting it. “Did you wear it for me?”

“No, stop!” I repeated, struggling against him, my fisted hands on his chest trying to push him away. He grabbed my wrist, pinning them over my head and bending down.

“Now, now,” he chided. “Don't be like that. Let me have you again. And keep quiet. You don't want everyone to know what we're doing up here.” I whimpered, nodded, knowing the only way he would release his hold on me was if I pretended to cooperate.

“I want to taste your sweet little slit.” He grabbed my hips, lifting them up and wrapping an arm around each of my thighs as his tongue teased along my nether lips. I thrashed beneath him, tugging at his hands, attempting to pry his fingers from my thighs but his grip only got tighter. He suddenly turned his head and began what I can only describe as french kissing my sex. His tongue pushed into my hole as he massaged my labia and clit with his lips, sucking firmly before turning his head the other way and doing it again and again. I jackknifed up, my mouth hanging open. I had never particularly cared for being on the receiving end of oral sex, but Garrett made me crave his mouth on me. I draped my forearm over my eyes, gasping as I pushed at his head with my other hand.

“Please, no. Don't do this, Hawke. Just let me go. I won't tell.” Garrett gave one last deep kiss to my slit before he eased my hips back down on the bed and slid up my body. He slowly pushed aside my nightgown, giving a soft sigh of pleasure before ducking his head to suck on my beaded nipple, his hand cupping my other breast and massaging it as his elbow supported his weight.

 

He moaned, eyes closed in rapture as his hips rolled, grinding his covered cock against me.

“I have to, Madam Seer,” he gasped out, releasing my breast only to dive back down for it. “I'm _addicted_ to you. I can't stop myself.”

“ _Noooo_ ,” I begged, trying to roll away from him. “Don't. Don't fuck me.”

“But you love when I fuck you,” he sulked, moving to my other breast. “You cum so hard for me. It's why I can't stop.” He sat back and began tugging at the ties of his pants and I tucked my knees to my chest and rolled, pausing slightly to give him a chance to catch me before running for the door. He scrambled after me, seizing me around the waist and slamming me against the wall.

"No, no, no," he laughed darkly. "You're not going _anywhere_ , my sweet." A shiver ran up my spine at the honey in his voice. My mouth went dry and I licked my lips, looking up at the sadistic grin on his face. He threw me over his shoulder, turning and walking back to the bed where he threw me down and pinned me by my shoulders.

"You're going to behave for me, _right_?" he asked, his voice holding an almost insane sound. "You're going to let me have you. I...I _need_ you, Seer. Just...let me have this... _sweet_ little pussy." He got a dreamy smile on his face as he reverently touched my slit with the tips of his fingers. I pushed his hand away and he scowled.

" _Fine_ ," he snapped. "Have it your way." He threw my legs open, pinning my chest with his as he wrapped one arm around my back and grabbed my shoulder, using his free hand to line up his cock. He pushed inside me, his mouth opening as he groaned.

“Oh, _shit_. Oh Maker, _yesss_. Your pussy is so _perfect_.” He slowly pulled his hips back, his cock dragging along my slick inner walls before slamming forward, hard. I let out a soft yelp, putting my hands on his chest and pushing weakly. He smirked at me, lifting up enough to look down to where his cock was sliding into me.  I was hypersensitive, my nerves lighting up with pleasure as he thrust. I wailed, bucking my hips, unable to help myself.

“That's it, baby,” he panted. “Cum for me.” I did, trembling beneath him, my channel tightly gripping his cock. He kissed along my neck tenderly, laughing breathlessly. Suddenly, he pulled his cock out and spun me onto my stomach, grabbing my hips and pulling them up, sheathing himself in one fluid motion. I arched my back, screaming out my pleasure at the abrupt entry.

“For someone who protests, you sure orgasm quickly,” he teased, leaning over and biting my shoulder. I shook my head, burying my face in the mattress and wailing, trying to kick my legs. Garrett plowed into me, his finger's no doubt bruising my skin as he held my hips, pulling me back to slam on his cock. His thrusts were jarring, his sack slapping my clit and my ass shaking.

“No, no, _no_ ,” I chanted, clawing at the sheets. His hand cracked against my bottom and I shrieked, my back bowing.

“Oh _yes_ ,” he moaned. “You got so _fucking_ tight.” He smacked my ass again, harder than before and I screamed into the blanket, my hips humping back.

“Are you going to cum, Seer?” he asked. I shook my head even though I was on edge again. He let out a cruel laugh, twisting his hand in my hair viciously as his other hand continued to slap my ass, his hips rolling against mine.

"This is why I can't stop," he panted. "You... _tease_ me. I keep telling myself that this with be the last time and then you smile at me or laugh or fucking flirt with _Cullen_..." he growled the last part in my ear, pulling my head back as he slammed into me painfully hard, "...and...and...I just _have_ to have you. Don't you understand? You're _mine_." He gave a wild laugh that, if I hadn't known better, would have made me question his sanity. He bit the lobe of my ear before laving it with his tongue.

"But...you _love_ this...You _love_ my cock in you. You're so _wet_ and gripping me so _tightly_. You say 'no' but you love this just as much as I do, don't you? Can you hear how _wet_ your slutty little cunny is? Has Cullen gotten the pleasure of being balls deep inside you? _Tell me_!" He bit my neck hard and I tore at the sheets with my hands.

"Y-ye-hesssss," I sobbed. He paused before snarling in anger.

"Tell me I fuck you better," he spat, his palm cracking across my ass so hard my safeword almost spilled from my lips.

"You... _nnn_....you fuck...better."

"Tell me I make you cum harder than he does." Another blow landed, gentler this time but not by much.

"You make...make me...cum.... _Ahn_!...harder...please, Champion!" He pressed his chest carefully against my shoulder blades, his lips brushing my ear as the hand that had been spanking me slipped around, his fingers finding my clit.

"Tell me you _love me_ ," he snarled.

"I...I love yooo-ooouu," I sobbed, my shoulders shaking.

“Shit, I'm going to spill,” he panted.

“Not _inside_ me,” I begged. “ _No_! Don't cum inside me.” He dropped down to his elbows, both hands tucking under me and holding my shoulders, keeping me in place as he fucked me violently.

“ _Yes_ ,” he moaned in my ear, cupping my stomach with one calloused hand. "I'm going to fill you. You're going to have my baby. Then you'll be all _mine_. You won't be able to run away. I'll take this sweet little cunt every night and no one, not Madison, not Solas, not even fucking _Cullen_ , will be able to stop me." I was so on edge I didn't know what to do. I hadn't been told to cum, but I didn't know how much longer I could hold back. His sack slapped my clit particularly hard and I tightened, trying not to climax.

"You wanna cum?" he gasped, his voice slightly higher than normal and I knew his own end was approaching. "Do it! Cum while I fill you up, while I knock you up. Maker, you'll be so beautiful when you're pregnant. I'll rape this little hole every night, no matter how much you scream and beg me to stop and when you give birth and you're all healed up, we'll do it again and again. You'll have all my babies, as many as I want from this hot little body. That's right. Cum, Seer! Fucking cum while I rape you. Cum you little whore!" My entire body seized up as I orgasmed, my hips bucking wildly against his cock. I screamed, the sound starting out low before growing and Garrett slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle my wail of pure ecstasy. My vision went white and I felt Garrett slam his cock into me several times, hard before he stilled, bathing my insides with his seed. I collapsed on the bed as Garrett let out a gasping grunt, his arms shaking as he tried to hold himself up.

"Oh _shit_. Oh, _Andraste's ass_. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. I came so hard. Maker dammit." He shifted his weight to one arm, his free hand moving down to rub my hip soothingly. I trembled as I lay beneath him, my back still arched as he softening cock remained inside me. He pressed hot kisses along my shoulders as I lay beneath him, completely boneless. Garrett pulled back and I saw him pull his clothes off, tossing them to the chair carelessly. He pulled me up to the head of the bed, gently resting my head on the pillows. I gave him a sleepy smile, my limbs limp. He cupped my cheeks, kissing me sweetly, one hand pushing my hair back from my face.

"That was hot," he panted, nuzzling my cheek like a cat. "Maker, that was so hot. I love you, baby." I hummed in agreement, a lazy smile on my lips. His one hand moved down my body, touching me carefully.

"Are you all right?" he asked, worriedly.

" _Perfect_ ," I slurred. He chuckled, a wide grin on his face as he rubbed his nose against mine.

"I love you," he said.

"Love you, too." He moved down my body, kissing any place he hand hurt me. His lips skimmed along my hips, calloused hands rolling me over to place delicate kisses on my reddened rump. He spread my legs, kissing tenderly along my slit before laying down and pulling me to his chest. He carded his hand through my hair, urging my head back to press quick kisses to my parted lips.

"My beautiful girl," he cooed. "I love you, so much. I'd die before I ever hurt you. That was wonderful, my love. Thank you so much. You did so well. My sweet, beautiful goddess." I couldn't help myself. I laughed, looking down to where he was kissing along my collarbone.

"You're laying it on a _little_ thick, my darling," I told him, lifting one weak hand to gently tug at his hair. He blushed, kissing my shoulder.

"Bull said to talk sweetly to you if I've been saying degrading things," he explained. "I should contradict whatever I said, soothe wherever I hurt so you know it's just play. And...well...I did some pretty terrible things to you and it makes me feel better to tell you how much I love you." My heart fluttered and I smiled, dragging the backs of my fingers along his cheek.

"Ahh, I see. Then proceed." His lips dragged along my neck and I let out a soft sigh, listening to him praise me.

"My sweet girl. You did so well. I'm so proud of you, baby. Thank you. Thank you for giving yourself to me." He pulled back, laying on his side and pulling me close, tucking me into his chest so the wiry hair there tickled my cheek. Rough hands smoothed over my back and I smiled. He was silent for a while and I lay in his arms, basking in the warmth of his embrace and the feeling of being loved and cherished. Slowly, my eyelids became too heavy for me to hold up anymore and I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some hot sex and Garrett being an awkward new Dom. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> EDIT: Added a dirty picture for you guys. Rawr and stuff.


	37. Don't Sass Me

The garden's of Skyhold were so lovely that I often thought they must be enchanted. It would be the only thing that made sense since we were still in the Frostbacks. I reached out, plucking a bit of rotten elfroot and crumbling it between my fingers.

“Gloat all you like, I have this one.” I turned to see Cullen sitting at a low table, that strange Theodosian chessboard before him. In the seat opposite sat Garrett, elbows on his knee's as he studied the board. The black haired mage looked up, arching a brow at the other man.

“Are you sassing me, Commander?” he asked, fingers stroking his beard. “I didn't know you had it in you.” I smiled, ducking out of sight, intent on spying on my lover and my friend a bit more.

“Call it something I picked up from your lover,” Cullen said with a grin.

“Good to know even the famous Ser Rutherford can be corrupted by a pretty face with a devious mind,” Garrett shot back.

“Trust me, it's not just her face,” Cullen said, then blushed. Garrett laughed and so did I, giving away my position. Both men turned and I walked towards them, Cullen's blush getting darker as I did.

“Hello, baby,” Garrett said, holding out his arm for me. I took his hand, giving him a grin.

“Don't stop on my account,” I said, perching my rump on the arm of Garrett's chair. 

“Alright. Your move.” Cullen said.

“You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory,” Garrett sighed, shaking his head and moving his piece. “You'll feel much better.”

“Really?” Cullen purred, reaching over and moving his own piece, before leaning back in his chair. “Because I just won, and I feel fine.” Garrett's black brows shot towards his hairline and he leaned over, studying the board before flopping back in his chair with a groan. 

“Ugh. Don't get smug. There will be no living with you.” I patted Garrett's shoulder, thinking that was what he deserved for antagonizing the Commander.

“I should return to my duties as well unless you would care for a game?” I looked up to find Cullen half rising from his seat, amber eyes on me as his brows quirked.

“I am afraid I don't know how to play,” I said. “But I would like to learn.” Garrett pulled me into his lap as Cullen resumed his seat and began setting up the board. I had played chess a few times in my world but often found the game to take too long. Cullen and Garrett patiently explained the rules and answered my questions before guiding me through it.

The game progressed and I found it fun. The rules and pieces are slightly different from the ones in our world, but that only seemed to enhance the game. I actively tried to beat Cullen who taunted me in between teaching me.

“She might just kick your ass, Cul,” Garrett said and I paused, wondering about the nickname. I had never really asked, but Garrett seemed to be close to the Commander in some way.

“You two seem close,” I remarked as I moved my piece.

“We were both in Kirkwall,” Garrett said. “We both fought Meredith.”

“Garrett is one of the few people I can talk with about that freely,” Cullen said. “It's nice.”

“I'm glad,” I said sincerely, watching Cullen box in my knight. I moved my bishop, taking his pawn. 

“You know,” Cullen mused. “This may be the longest we've gone without discussing the Inquisition.”

“No, it's not,” I said. “We've done it before when I was sleeping in your room.”

“Oh, right.” Garrett looked between us, brows arched.

“Well, don't keep me in suspense,” he said. “Were you guys bumping uglies?” I snorted and Cullen flushed, eyes focused on the board.

“No,” I said. “We talked about my world and dogs.” I smiled at Cullen. “I miss our late night conversations.”

“As do I,” Cullen said, not looking up as he moved his Queen forward.

“They don't have to stop on my account,” Garrett said. “You can come to our room if you feel more comfortable. Her friend Madison does. They drink and laugh, it's hysterical the things they talk about.”

“You are truly a strange one, Hawke,” Cullen sighed with a smile.

“Why is that?”

“You don't mind your lover spending time with other men,” Cullen clarified.

“Why would I?” Garrett questioned. “Her best friend is a male. I know I have her heart. Anything she does is her own business. I hang around women.”

“I have met many men who get jealous at that sort of thing,” Cullen remarked.

“Pussies,” Garrett spat and I laughed. Cullen smiled and moved his king forward.

“Checkmate,” he said. I looked at the board and huffed.

“Damn, ya beat me,” I sighed. “Oh well, I'll just have to practice.”

“It wasn't bad for your first time,” Cullen offered helpfully. “I should get back to my duties.”

“Come by tonight,” I offered. “Spend time with us. If anyone ever needed to escape the madness, it would be you.” Cullen looked unsure, eyes darting to Garrett.

“You don't have to say 'yes',” Garrett told him. “But I wouldn't mind.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I'll think about it.” I watched him leave, leaning back into Garrett, glad for the warmth of his body in the cool winds of the Frostbacks. Muscled arms came around me, hugging me back to his chest. 

“Think he'll come?” I asked. Garrett was silent and I saw him watching the Commander's retreating back with a smirk.

“Yes,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some little fluffiness and Cullen. I have a headcanon that while Hawke was at Skyhold, they talked with Cullen a lot about what happened at Kirkwall.


	38. Because I Got High.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is recreational drug use in this chapter, don't like, you may want to skip.  
> Also, I added a picture in chapter 36 for those who read before I put it in. I'm adding a chapter tonight because I won't be able to tomorrow.

I lounged on the bed in my nightgown as Garrett sat at the desk, answering mail and sighing heavily. There was a gentle knock at the door and I bade the person to enter, not looking up from my book.

“You two look positively bored.” I jerked my head up and smiled when I saw Cullen standing there, his armor and mantle gone.

“ _Cullen_!” I squealed, standing on the bed and using it as a kick off to jump into his arms. He caught me with a grunt as I wrapped my legs around his waist. “You came!”

“You expected me not to?” he questioned.

“Honestly, yes.” He scowled at this but I climbed down from his arms and tugged him to the couch in front of the fireplace.

“Garrett,” I complained. “Put the stupid letters away and join us.”

“One more, then I promise, baby,” he replied, not taking his eyes off his work. I shook my head and curled up on the couch beside Cullen, reaching out and grabbing the pipe that lay there.

“I'm smoking without you,” I tempted.

“I promise, baby,” he repeated distractedly. Cullen chuckled and I turned to him, holding out the pipe.

“What is that?” he asked.

“Elfroot leaves,” I replied. “They make you feel good. It might help with the pain.” Cullen looked skeptical so I put the pipe between my lips, using a simple stick and a little magic to light it and take a deep drag. Madison had learned from Solas that smoking Elfroot leaves were very similar to Weed from our time and we had, of course, immediately tried it out. Garrett had laughed when he found out I did it, being someone who occasionally partook himself. 

My chest shuddered and I exhaled in a fit of coughing, thumping myself on the chest. Cullen arched a brow and took the pipe from my fingers, sniffing it cautiously.

“C'mon,” I urged. “Give in to peer pressure.” He rolled his eyes and I giggled, the leaf already taking effect. 

“Dilute it for him, baby,” Garrett said. “What did you call it? Shotgunning?”

“Yeah. Want me to do that?” Cullen thought about it for a moment, taking in my lazy smile and relaxed posture.

“Please.” He handed the pipe back and I took another long drag, leaning over and gripping his cheeks. I pressed my lips to his, coaxing him to open his mouth with my fingers and gently blew the smoke out. He inhaled, holding it in like he had seen me do before coughing and hunching over. I patted his back, handing him a glass of water. He took a long drink and his coughs calmed. I set the pipe aside, leaning against his arm and watching him closely. His pupils dilated and his eyes became half-lidded. He looked down at me, smiling and I giggled.

“Garrett,” I said.

“ _Hmmm_?”

“I officially win at corruption. I got the Commander of the Inquisition high.” Garrett laughed and threw his pen down, abandoning his work for good as he stood and joined us, sitting on the other side of me on the couch. He quickly took up the pipe, taking a couple deep drags until he was pleasantly buzzed.

“Get the jar, my love,” Garrett said.

“The jar?” Cullen asked, watching me lean forward and reach beneath the table, pulling out a jar filled with folded bits of paper.

“It's a game her and Madison play sometimes and I find it pretty fun,” Garrett said. “They have all these conversation topics in a jar and someone draws one and we talk about it.”

“You two get high and _talk_?” Cullen laughed. 

“I know,” Garrett replied. “We're old.”

“Speak for yourself,” I said, pulling out a piece of paper and unfolding it. “'What are your biggest goals for your life? What progress have you made in attaining them?' Oh, that's a good one.” I tossed the paper on top of the table and looked at the two men. “Who wants to start?”

“You, baby,” he said. “Your answers are always good.”

“Well, we all already know my biggest goal was just to be happy,” I said. “I think I achieved that by just not giving a fuck. I was always just...myself. I didn't need to wear a mask or hide who I was. I am who I am. Love me or don't. In my world, there are 7 billion people on the planet. One of them has to love me. Even here, you guys love me. Why should I hide? Like, I don't get the whole mask thing in Orlais. I really don't. Not that I don't understand the purpose, I just don't get why.”

“Well, given the whole 'Grand Game' in Orlais, it's probably that no one can be who they are,” Cullen snorted.

“But to what _point_ and _purpose_?” I asked. “Life is short, why are we hiding? 'Be who you are and say what you think. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.'”

“Some people don't like who they are, baby,” Garrett said.

“ _I_ don't like who I am,” I said. “But I accept it and figure that someone out there has to love me regardless. Well, you... _you_ love me regardless.”

“Why don't you like yourself?” Cullen asked, reaching out and pulling my feet into his lap as I reclined against Garrett.

“I'm fat and ugly,” I said nonchalantly. “I swear too much, I...”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Garrett said. “Don't make me spank you. Take it _back_.”

“Wait, _what_ did she say?” Cullen asked, turning to face us.

“That she's fat and ugly and she's _fucking_ not allowed to say that _shit_ ,” Garrett growled, glaring at me. I rolled my eyes.

“Baby, I am _thrilled_ beyond words that you see me as some kind of goddess reborn in human form, but any number of mirrors have told me otherwise.”

“Then you need new mirrors,” Cullen snorted. “You're _beautiful_. And you're not fat, you're healthy. _Curvacious_. You have full breast and... _Maker, I can't shut up!_ ” Garrett and I laughed, watching Cullen try to get his mouth to stop going.

“See, he'd fuck you,” Garrett chuckled.

“Definitely... _DAMMIT_!”

I fell across my lover's lap as my friend clamped his hand over his mouth.

“ _Shut up_ , Rutherford,” Cullen scolded himself.

“Got somethin' ya wanna share?” Garrett teased.

“I'm trying _not_ to!” Cullen cried. “Stop asking me questions!”

“Well, do you think she's sexy?” Garrett probed and I smacked his chest with a glare.

“Have you _seen_ her?” Cullen cried. “She's like something out of a dirty drawing! She looks like she was made to have _tons_ of children. My first thought when I _saw_ her was she _had_ to be a desire demon!”

“You did _not_!” I cried, shocked. “With my fat belly and stretch marks?”

“ _Healthy_ , not fat,” Cullen corrected. “And yes, I did. I am a man, regardless of anything else.”

“That dance you did certainly didn't help any impure thoughts,” Garrett snickered. “Do it again.”

“No,” I said. “I am not giving you a lapdance and making Cullen feel like a third wheel.”

“So give Cullen a lap dance.”

“ _What_?!” I cried. “You...you're _serious?”_

“Yeah, I wanna watch,” Garrett said, gold eyes glittering.

“That's _mean_ ,” I argued. “That's...no. I'm not teasing him like that. I doubt he would appreciate that.” I picked up the pipe, taking another drag and passing it to Cullen who took a small hit before handing it to Garrett.

“He doesn't mind,” Garrett snorted. I let my eyes fall to a blushing Cullen.

“Do you?” I asked. Cullen looked at me, then to the fire.

“I...I would, but only because I'm not in a mindset to behave myself if you were rubbing against me,” he said. I blushed and leaned against Garrett.

“There,” I said. “No. Now _behave_ , Garrett. Just because you're a voyeur, doesn't mean everyone else is.”

“You know you're an exhibitionist, my love,” he purred in my ear. I rolled my eyes and looked over at Cullen who was staring into the fire. I rubbed his arm with my toes gently, drawing his attention to me.

“Are you okay, sweety?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he hummed. “Just feel... _good_.” I laughed and crawled over to him, moving up on my knee's and throwing my arms around him in a hug. He made a soft rumble of pleasure and rested his cheek on my breast, his arms going around my waist and his eyes slipping closed.

“Is everything kind of awesome right now?” I teased, watching him cuddle into me.

“Very,” he moaned. “A little too 'awesome'.”

“Just relax,” I said, stroking his hair. “Just hold on to me. I'll keep you grounded.”

“You always have,” Cullen sighed and I smiled.

“Kiss him, baby,” Garrett urged. I glared.

“What is your sudden fascination with me tormenting Cullen?” I asked.

“I don't know,” Garrett groaned. “I just really want to watch you get messed with. I'm sorry. It's the Elfroot. I'll try to behave.”

“You smell good,” Cullen groaned, pulling me into his lap. I blushed when I felt his hard cock pressing against me. This had quickly gotten out of hand. While I wouldn't have minded any of this under the normal circumstances, we were all high, Cullen for the first time and I didn't want any of us to regret this in the morning when we were sober. 

“I can't believe you don't know you're beautiful,” Cullen moaned against my neck and I felt a shiver race up my spine at the feel of his lips against one of my erogenous zones.

“If two handsome men such as yourselves keep telling me I am, I guess I should start believing it.”

“Not handsome,” Cullen muttered. I giggled, pulling back to look at his face.

“How can you not think you're handsome?” I asked.

“Yeah, _seriously_ ,” Garrett chuckled.

“I always look tired,” Cullen said. “And the scar...”

“You do look tired a lot, but that doesn't mean you're not handsome. And the scar just makes you look dangerous and debonair. I know there are many men and women out there who would love to trail their tongue along it.” Cullen stared at me for a moment, before he smiled and cuddled back into me. Garrett scooted over to us and wrapped his arms around the both of us.

“You two are so high,” he giggled. 

“Hug's feel amazing right now,” Cullen sighed. After a time, we all pulled back and arranged ourselves on the couch, me with my head on Garrett's lap while my legs were draped over Cullen's. I purred as fingers played with my hair, making me moan softly. My cooes got louder as Cullen massaged my legs, his strong hands doing wonders on my tight muscles.

“She's like a cat,” Cullen chuckled.

“Watch this,” Garrett said with a giddy little laugh. He turned my head to the side, gently dragging his blunt nails along my scalp. I moaned again, louder and became a puddle of goo.

“Her scalp is one of her zones,” Garrett explained. “Anytime I touch it, she melts.”

“Let me try,” Cullen said. I was lifted up and encouraged to rotate so my head rested on Cullen's lap and my legs were draped over Garrett's. Cullen carded his fingers through my hair before carefully massaging my scalp. He kept his nails too short to try and scratch, but the massage felt amazing. I whimpered and turned my head so he had more room, my eyes dropping closed.

“It's kind of funny,” Cullen said softly. “She's such a fighter, she's a head figure in the Inquisition, but she melts at scalp rubs.”

“Massage her ears,” Garrett snickered. Fingers gently pulled the piercings from my exposed ear and I heard the metal clatter softly on the marble tabletop before an index and thumb traced along the outer rim of my ear. My lobe was massaged carefully and I groaned. 

“She really likes to be touched,” Cullen chuckled.

“Cullen, you have to let her give you one of her face massages,” Garrett said. “They're amazing.”

“She's given me a massage before for my headaches,” Cullen hummed. I looked up at him and smiled.

“Garrett loves when I give him a face massage,” I giggled. Cullen stared at us for a moment then his lips quirked in a grin.

“Is it wrong to find it _adorable_ how much you both touch each other?” he asked, looking at us dreamily. “I mean, ear massages, face massages. Do you massage her rump, too?”

“Oh void _yes_ ,” Garrett laughed. “Would you pass up touching that ass?” I giggled drowsily, the late hour of the high of the elfroot coupled with the mind-numbing way Cullen was rubbing my scalp and ears was lulling me to sleep. I realized we had never finished our conversation, getting distracted by Orlesian customs and stupid trends. I just hopped Cullen stopped by again so we could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Cullen got high. I'd like to take credit for the elfroot=pot idea, but it's actually a canon thing. No, seriously.


	39. Before The Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have completely forgotten to post a chapter today. Sorry about that! Here's some smut.

I twirled my staff the way Garrett had shown me, swearing colorfully when it slipped between my fingers and landed on the ground. Garrett smirked and picked up his staff, showing me once more, his movements slow so I could catch on. I retrieved my staff and tried once more, stomping my foot in frustration as it hit the floor again. Garrett chuckled, walking around me and guiding my fingers in the movements as his hand held my staff up. He stopped, placing my staff firmly in my hand. I waited until he stepped back and made another attempt, this time the staff spinning as I wanted, even if the movements were a bit halted and clumsy. 

Garrett's molten gold eyes watched me as I practiced, again and again, trying to let the staff move freely in my hand. I tucked in my elbow, flicking my wrist before closing my fingers tightly around the wood.

 I set the base of my staff on the ground, pushing my windblown hair out of my eyes. Strong hands circled my waist as he pulled me back against his chest. He tilted my head back, his fingers teasing the skin of my throat as his lips pressed against mine. His hands were gentle but firm as he tugged the band from my hair, gripping the locks tightly in his fist. I mewled, surrendering to him, letting him pull at the laces on my tunic until it fell open enough to expose my cleavage. He cupped one of my breasts, rubbing my nipple through the cotton of my shirt.

“Garrett,” I whimpered.

“What is it?” His nose brushed against my cheek, fingers tilting my head to the side.

“Please,” I moaned.

“Please what?” he purred in my ear, his breath hot on my skin. “Please take you to bed, please tie you down, please tease you to the edge again and again, please fill you, please make you climax until you pass out then wake you up fucking you?”

“Maker, yes,” I hissed as his tongue came out, teasing along my piercings. 

“You act like you're in charge, but it's really her. She decides when, and you measure it carefully, enough to enjoy, to energize, but never to anger. She is tied, teased, tantalized, but it's tempered to what she wants. She submits, but you serve. You give her what she needs, even if it hurts because you love her and you'd do anything for her.” Garrett and I spun around to find Cole watching us curiously, his blue eyes almost glowing beneath the brim of his hat.

“Do you mind, kid?” Garrett asked, gripping my waist tightly. “If you take away all the mystery, it's not quite as hot.” I thought of all the times Garrett had kissed and bit and licked my skin, his golden gaze locked on me, watching for a sign of discomfort. How even when his touch hurt, it was blissful. I thought of the excitement I felt when he first discovered my kinky side and had done anything he could to learn how to take care of me and play with me, meeting with Bull regularly to ensure he was doing it right.

“Yes, it is,” I said breathlessly, my heart thudding in my chest. Garrett looked down at me for a moment before he gave me that excited boyish grin of his I so loved.

“Right!” he said. “My mistake. Carry on, kid.”

“Actually,” I said. “Can you not, Cole? I don't think anyone besides Garrett wants to hear about that.”

“What does she feel when I play with her?” Garrett asked, his eyes shining with interest.

“His touch, like fire, it burns her skin but it excites her,” Cole said, eyes staring at nothing like he was listening closely. “She's never felt like this, this heat, burning, bursting, bright. Your every touch entices her, sets her alight. But it's more than lust. It's better because you love her because you do silly dances and make dumb jokes and put on her breast band, strutting around the room till she couldn't laugh anymore. She wishes you had been there before, before the others who used her, before the others who just reinforced her father's poison, before she locked her heart away. Now she's not sure if she loves you, not sure if she knows what love is, not sure if she's enough. Her feelings are strong, powerful, but she fights them because she doesn't want to hurt. Because the power you would hold over her would be too much. Because time and again she's found she doesn't know what love is since she believed the lie.” I covered my face with my hands, not wanting to look at Garrett.

“Thank you, Cole,” Garrett said softly. “You can stop now.”

“I messed up,” Cole fretted. “I wanted to heal.”

“That's my job, kid,” Garrett told him kindly. I heard Cole walk away and turned, bending to retrieve my staff that I'd dropped when Garrett had kissed me.

“I love you,” Garrett said suddenly. I froze, staring at the brilliant jewel that decorated my staff. I wanted to say it back, but after what Cole had said I couldn't seem to get the words out. 

“You know what love is, baby,” he said.

“How do you know?” I asked, my fingers slowly wrapping around the grip and lifting it. I stared into the gem, the swirling vortex not lending me any answers.

“Their feelings were a lie, yours were not,” he said, stepping up behind me. He turned my face towards him, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

“How do you know?” I asked again, my voice barely a whisper.

“Because actions speak louder than words,” he said. I smiled and reached for him, my fingers gently touching his face, brushing against his broad cheeks, down the bridge of his nose, over his lips that pulled to the side. I gently touched his chin, his beard tickling my skin. 

“That look you're giving me right now,” Garrett said, his thumb brushing along my cheekbone. “It speaks volumes, baby.” I sighed in pleasure as I was enfolded in his arms, the warmth of his body and the smell of his skin relaxing me.

“Thank you, my love,” I said. He took my lips in a slow, sensual kiss, his one hand on my hip while his other cupped the back of my neck. He pulled back, gold eyes staring at me intently as his hand trailed down my neck.

“Why don't we go up to bed and you can show me.” I chewed my lip as his hand slid between my thighs.

“Yes,” I moaned. “Let's go...” He grinned, kissing down my neck as he trailed one hand down the backs of my thighs.

"Mmm, I can't wait to be inside my sweet girl's pussy," he growled, lifting me in one fluid motion so I cried out. I looked up from my spot cradled to his chest and he gave me that boyish grin once more before walking carefully to our room. He paused on the landing to the throne room and kissed me, his lips so warm on mine.

"Ugh, get a room you two," Varric complained.

"I don't need to see this," Madison groaned. Garrett ignored them for a moment before pulling back.

"We're going," he snapped playfully.

"I'm thrilled you love my sister from another mister, but can we not ravage her where I can see?" he grumbled. Garrett smirked and carried me the rest of the way to our room, laying me on the bed and tugging my clothes off between heated kisses. I let out a soft gasp as he jerked the breast band off before his touches became slow and gentle once more.  As his wandering fingers moved down to my hips, he slid one arm under my rump, lifting my hips off the bed as his other hand gently coaxed my legs up. Slowly he gripped my smalls, thumb brushing my clit briefly before tears the cloth down my legs. I looked down at him, my breath getting quicker as glowing golden eyes slowly locked with mine. I bit my lips, squirming as he cupped my sex, his index and ring finger's parting the lips as his middle slowly stroked my clit. He pulled back, licking his lips as he slowly sank his middle finger into me and curled it up. I whimpered and he smiled.

"Is my girl all sensitive?" he teased and I nodded. He kissed along my inner thigh, biting down hard on the most tender part. I yelped, bucking my hips and he laughed softly.

"Stay still," he ordered in a low voice. "I want to mark you." I squirmed when he did the same to the other thigh, his beard scratching at the skin. He moved up to my hips, biting firmly just over the bone, forcing the skin to bruise. My breathing sped up as he moved up, watching me intently as he moved. I reached out, touching his cheek as I recalled Cole's words.

"You measure it carefully. Enough to enjoy, energize but never anger..." He turned his head, kissing my inner wrist.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"How do you know I'm thinking anything?" I questioned. He grinned against my skin, his eyes slipping shut as a soft breath of laughter escaped him.

"You're smiling at me."

"I was just thinking about what Cole said," I explained.

"Ahhh," he hummed. "He's right."

"I know," I said softly. 

"I love you more than anything," he breathed against my lips as he leaned down.

"Even our baby?" I teased with a smirk. Gold eyes lit up and he looked down.

"You're pregnant?" he asked, excitedly.

"Hypothetical baby," I corrected. He pouted for a moment before nuzzling my cheek.

"Our baby is a part of you," he said. "So I would love them as much as you and yes, more than anything else." I giggled.

"Romantic," I taunted. He eased his hips between my legs as he kissed me, slowly lifting my rump before slamming his cock into me. He chuckled when I moaned loudly, biting my shoulder.

"How's that for 'romantic'?" he asked and I smacked his arm. He laughed, easing his weight down on me as he braced his forearms over my shoulders. "Look at me, baby."

I tilted my head back, locking my eyes with his and he smiled.

"I love you," he said. I wrapped my arms around his ribs, running my fingers down his spine.

"I love you, too," I said. He ducked down, kissing me deeply as I trailed my hands down his back and gripped his rump. He pulled back enough to chuckle.

"Yes, yes," he said. "I'll get on with it." He shifted his weight to one arm, gripping my hips with the other as he began to thrust, pulling out slowly then slamming back in hard, a soft grunt escaped him. I brought my knee's up, tightening my abdominal muscles to jerk up against him. He pulled back, grabbing my hips with his other hand, pulling me down as he sped up his thrusts. I reached up for him, grabbing his biceps and using them as leverage to pull myself down on him. I whimpered, looking up at him.

"Garrett," I gasped. "Please."

"Please what, baby?" he taunted, leaning forward a bit. I put my arms behind me so I could lean up, nipping at his throat.

"Hurt me," I hissed and he laughed, bending his head to brush his lips over mine.

"My sweet girl wants pain?" he asked. I moaned and nodded, biting my lip. He leaned back, pulling me into his lap, pushing my legs behind him and angling his hips so I was impaled on his and helpless. He braced his feet on the bar at the edge of the bed that held up the mattress and bounced me, gripping my hair tightly as he dragged me down. I wailed as his teeth found my neck, the hand on my hips moving to my ass a smacking it hard. My eyes rolled back as I tilted my head back, his grip vicious in my locks.

"Anything my girl wants," he cooed against my jaw. "If my baby wants it mean and brutal, then that's how I'll fuck her." I gripped his shoulders, needing something to ground me as each thrust pushed me to the edge.

"Do you need to cum?" he panted, picking up the pace.

"Yessss," I hissed. He stilled, pulling my hips down and I let out a sob of frustration.

"Not yet, my love," he purred, easing me down to the bed as he stood beside it. "You're so beautiful. You know that?" I reached up, trailing my fingers along his jaw.

"And you're so handsome," I replied. He smiled a bit shyly and leaned down, kissing me as he began fucking me again. I could tell he was getting close from his quick pace and the desperate way he touched me, trailing his tongue along the tender skin of my neck.

"You teased me, love," he scolded in a low voice and I shivered.

"H-how?"

"You made me think you were pregnant," he said, his voice deep in my ear, like he wanted to whisper but decided against it. I mewled, rolling my hips and he laughed. He gripped my hair tightly, his fingers digging into my hip hard as his thrusts got harder.

"It's not nice to trick me, love," he snarled.

"Ahn! I'm sorry!" I gasped.

"You know what you need to do," he hummed, kissing behind my ear.

"W-what?"

"You need to give me a baby." My heart skipped a beat at the dark tone of his voice. I looked at his face and saw that sadistic smile of his that meant I was in the best kind of trouble. He lunged forward, biting the junction of my neck and shoulder so hard I was sure he would draw blood, his hips slamming against mine as he snarled like a primal animal, holding me tightly against his body.

"I'm going to cum in your sweet little hole and you better not lose a drop," he growled. I nodded, my mouth hanging open as I gasped, my nails digging into his back as I bounced my hips off the bed, my knee's pulled up. "You'll give me a baby, won't you?"

"Yes," I whimpered. 

"Good girl," he purred. "Now, cum for me, sweetie. Cum on my cock so I can fill you up." He dropped one hand down between us, quickly rubbing my clit in tight circles as he panted for me to climax. I did, tossing my head back and screaming in ecstasy. He let out a guttural growl and spilled inside me, hot seed hitting my cervix.

Garrett buried his face in my neck, thrusting quickly a few times before relaxing. He remained still for a moment, catching his breath before he turned his head and placed a loud kiss on my cheek.

"If I didn't knock you up with that one, prepare to be childless," he joked, collapsing beside me with a groan.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "That little move you pulled with me on top might have hurt your back."

"You're not heavy!" he sighed, lifting up to glare at me. I rolled my eyes and told him my weight but he only stared at me blankly.

"I...I don't know what that means," he said. "I have no concept of the unit of measurement."

"Uhm...I...can't explain it," I said. "I'm not sure the conversion." 

"Well, I say you're not heavy," he said, flopping down on the bed. "And I carry you the most, so my opinion is the only one I'm concerned with." I rolled my eyes and curled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I love you," he said, kissing the top of my head.

"I love you, too," I replied.

"Do I kiss you too much," he asked suddenly. I jerked my head back to look at him, scowling.

"What? No. Why do you ask?" He gave a shrug, golden eyes on the ceiling.

"Fenris mentioned how much I kiss you."

"Fenris is also sensitive to touch because of his tattoo's and doesn't remember a life before them so he has no comparison," I explained.

"Oh," Garrett said. "All right. As long as you don't mind. I just like to touch you." He wrapped both arms around me, pulling me tightly to his chest as he tangled our legs.

"Touch away, love," I laughed.


	40. Lithium

I walked into Cullen's office, looking around curiously when I didn't find him. A soldier spied me and smiled, giving me a bow.

“Madam Seer,” he greeted. “If you're looking for the Commander, he's gone to speak to Seeker Pentaghast.” I froze. I knew what this was about but I had forgotten. I thought Cullen was doing well, but it seemed I had been wrong. I thanked him and made my way to the smithery quickly. As I got to the door, I heard raised voiced inside and paused.

“You asked for my opinion and I've given it,” came Cassandra's stern voice. “Why would you expect it to change?”

“I expect you to keep your word!” Cullen snarled. “It's relentless. I can't-”

“You give yourself too little credit!” Cassandra cried.

“If I'm unable to fulfill what vows I kept, then nothing good has come of this!” Cullen shouted. I pushed open the door slowly, looking in to see Cullen pacing wildly while Cassandra stared at him, exasperated.

“Would you rather save face than admit-...” he paused and they both turned to look at me. His amber eyes grew wide in surprise before he looked away, pain filling his gaze. He walked passed me, giving me a heartbroken look.

“Forgive me,” he said softly.

“Cullen?” I reached for him, but he ignored me, continuing to his office.

“And people say I'm stubborn!” Cassandra snorted. “This is ridiculous.” She ran her hand through her short hair and sighed heavily.

“I suppose you know Cullen no longer takes lyrium,” she said, gazing at me.

“Yes, I respect his decision,” I said.

“As do I. Not that he's willing to listen. Cullen has asked that I recommend a replacement for him.” I gasped, drawing back. Had it really gotten so bad? I thought it was under control but he had apparently hidden it from me better than I realized.

“I refused,” she assured. “It's not necessary. Besides, it would destroy him. He's come so far.”

“Why didn't he come to me?” I asked.

“We had an agreement long before you joined us,” she said. “As I Seeker, I could evaluate the dangers.” She smiled and tilted her head to the side, her eyes growing soft. “And he wouldn't want to risk your disappointment.” I sighed, shaking my head and sitting on one of the chairs.

“Is there anything we can do to change his mind?” I asked. “I know he can do this. I know he can beat it.”

“Do you?” she asked, gazing at me curiously.

“Yes,” I said, meeting her gaze. “As long as he stays strong, he can.” She smiled.

“If anyone could, it's you,” she said. I rose to my feet and turned to the door.

“He will beat this,” I said and walked to Cullen's office. I saw the door was open and stepped in just as something crashed to the door frame beside me. I gasped and jumped back, looking down to see the Chantry issued lyrium kit in pieces on the floor. I turned to Cullen who was looking at me in panic.

“Maker's breath!” he gasped. “I didn't hear you enter! I-forgive me.”

“Cullen, I know you need to talk...” I said.

“You don't have to...” he said stepping towards me, then stumbling and gripping his desk for support. I raced to his side, helping to steady him. He gripped my arm, letting me guide him back into his desk chair.

“I never meant for this to interfere,” he sighed.

“It hasn't, now hush,” I said, stroking his cheek. “Are you all right?”

“Yes...” he sighed and shook his head. “I don't know.” He was silent for a long time and I thought he might not talk to me.

“You know what happened to Ferelden's circle,” he said softly.

“Yes. It was taken over my abominations.” Cullen nodded, putting his hand over his eyes.

“The Templars- my friends- were slaughtered. I was tortured. They tried to break my mind and I-” he scoffed and shook his head, standing. I took a step back as he paced behind his desk.

“How can you be the same person after that?” he cried. “Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall.” He gazed out the window, his hand clenched in a fist against the wall. “I trusted my Knight-Commander, and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness! Kirkwall's circle fell! Innocent people died in the streets!” He spun to face me. “Can't you see why I want nothing to do with that life?”

“Of course,” I said gently. “I-”

“Don't!” he barked. “You should be questioning what I've done!” I recoiled, looking at him sadly.

“I thought this would be better-,” he spat. “That I would regain some control over my life. But those thoughts won't leave me...” He paced again, moving around as he clenched his fists. “How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause! I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry! I should be taking it!” He slammed his fist into the bookcase, causing several books to spill out onto the floor. “I should be taking it.” I walked over, sliding my hand along his arm to the fist he had punished, my fingers cupping his gloved ones.

“Cullen,” I said, stroking his cheek in my other hand. “What do you want? Do you want to take it?” He sighed, his fist unclenching.

“No,” he said. “But...these memories have always haunted me- If they become worse, if I cannot endure this...” I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down so his face pressed into my shoulder.

“You can,” I whispered in his ear. His arms came around my waist and he sighed softly, hugging me tightly to his chest. His grip bordered on pain, but I didn't say anything, letting him hold on to me, letting him calm. I gripped him just as tightly, my one hand in his hair, holding him in place. I felt him ever so slowly relax, the tension easing from his body and his grip loosening. I pulled away, trailing my fingers along his temples, my touch cool.

“Go up to bed and lay down,” I said. “I'm going to get you some food and come to take care of you.”

“You don't...” he began.

“Just do it and stop arguing with me,” I said with a scowl. He hesitated, then smiled and nodded.

“Very well,” he said. I watched him climb up to his room before going to the kitchen and retrieving a bowl of stew, some bread and a bottle of wine. I brought the items back to the room, dropping by my own on the way to let Garrett know I was going to be a bit late and climbed the ladder, carefully balancing the tray on my shoulder. He was sitting on his bed, his armor placed carefully on the stand. I set the tray on the bed beside him, handing him the spoon.

“Eat,” I said. “You need it.” He obediently dug in while I straightened his room, folding his clothes in his trunk.

“You don't have to,” he said around a mouthful. 

“I know,” I said. “Just eat and stop arguing with me.”

“You're pushy for a caretaker,” he grumbled.

“And you're bitchy for a man who almost collapsed,” I countered. He laughed.

“Fair enough.” He finished his meal and took a long drink from the wine bottle. I reclined against the headboard, directing him to rest his head on my stomach and lay between my spread legs. He did so, arching a brow at the position. He lay on his stomach, arms on either side of my waist as my magic chilled fingers moved to his temple, scalp, neck, and shoulders, easing the tension from them with a firm massage until he lay against me completely boneless.

“Sing,” he groaned.

“I'm trying to relieve your pain not add to it,” I said.

“You have a beautiful voice,” he sighed. “Please?” I huffed, but grabbed the wine bottle and took a few swigs. I thought for a moment, trying to think of something that would soothe him. I finally thought of a song and began to sing 'Candle in the Wind' softly in the prettiest voice I could summon. Cullen made a low content sound and I saw his eyes slip closed and his lips curl in a gentle smile. As the song came to an end, I noticed that the commander was dead asleep, snuggled up against my stomach. I rolled us, urging him up onto the pillows and tucking the blanket around him. He gave a soft moan but I soothed him with a hand on his brow, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“You can do this, Cullen,” I said. “You will.”

“If you believe in me...then it must be true,” he sighed, smiling at me affectionately. I gently rubbed my fingers over his cheeks and jaw, trailing down the bridge of his nose and around his ears, humming softly until he dropped back off to sleep. I watched him for a moment longer, my heart clenching. This was different from the game. It wasn't like I could make a choice and be sure of it. Cullen needed help and support or else he would fail. I recalled the ending image where he had taken lyrium, becoming a mindless mess on the streets, begging for lyrium or coin. Tears sprang to my eyes and I leaned down, pressing a sweet kiss to his parted lips. He sighed in content, a smile curling his lips. I loved Cullen and I couldn't stand to see him become like that.

I stood, dousing the candle and gathering the dishes before making my way back down the ladder intent on finding Solas and asking him to help with a potion that may give Cullen some relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of pictures. I try to include them as much as I can but I also don't like to force myself otherwise they're not as good. I wasn't sure about this, so I'll just ask. Do you guys like pictures of the naughty stuff as well or should I just try and stick to the SFW pictures? Would you be okay with drawn genitalia? Let me know so I know what to draw!


	41. Goodbye For Now

I watched as the army gathered, my heart hammering in my chest. It seemed that the bulk of Skyhold would be going and I was one of the few left behind. I handed Gethorn his bag with numb hands, my fingers trembling.

“Ar lath ma, Mamae,” he said, hugging me tightly. I kissed his cheeks, fussing over the clasp or his cloak and the ties of his shirt.

“Be careful,” I said. “Tell Clarel what you discovered, don't worry too much about killing the dragon and remember what I told you about demons.”

“Yes, Mamae,” Gethorn said, taking my shaking fingers in his hands and giving me an affectionate smile. He kissed me tenderly, pulling back and mounting his horse before riding to the front.

“We'll be back before you know it,” Garrett said, moving to my side. I looked up at him, trying to memorize his face, knowing it would be awhile before I saw him again. I carefully took one of the rings off my finger, an opal my grandmother had given me when I graduated. I took his hand, slipping it onto his pinkie, my eyes focused on the task because I needed something to focus on so I didn't start to cry.

“Come back to me,” I said softly, staring at his wide hand which rested lightly in mine, the gold ring glinting in the light of the rising sun. His hand turned, lifting and catching my chin to tilt my head back. Amber eyes searched my face, looking tormented.

“I will,” he said. “I love you.” I flung my arms around his neck, burying my face in his throat.

“I love you,” I gasped out. He hugged me tightly, before pulling back and stealing my lips in a slow kiss. When he pulled away, he gave me a nod and climbed into the saddle of his own mount. I went from one person to the next, hugging them tightly and telling them to stay safe. Bull had swept me up in his massive arms like I was a child, my feet dangling in the air.

“Listen, Mom,” he said. “No fucking demons or crazy Warden's are gonna get the drop on us.”

“I know,” I said with a smile. “Just don't lose your other eye. Blind bulls only charge into rocks.”

“Will do,” he said with a wink.

I had even pulled Cassandra into a hug, much to her surprise. She had returned it awkwardly, blushing when I pulled away. When I got to Cullen, I threw myself into his arms, gripping him tightly, a sob on my lips.

“Come back,” I said. He was silent for a long time, his hand rubbing my back.

“I will,” he said.

“Keep them safe?” I asked, my gaze darting to where Gethorn and Garrett were talking. He looked over and smiled softly, nodding his head.

“I mean it, Commander,” I teased, letting out a weak laugh. “I'm trusting you with my baby.” He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my brow.

“Of course, Madam Seer.” He moved to pull away but my grip on his mantle stopped him. I stared up at him for a moment before rising on my toes and pressing a kiss to his lips that lingered longer than it should have. He let out the softest of gasps, his hands on my hips tightening marginally.

"I love you," I said. His pupils were dialaited and his honey colored eyes searched my face for a moment.

"I love you, too," he replied, his voice soft. He pulled away after a moment and mounted his horse, giving me one last tight smile before he followed the group out.

I watched as they marched over the bridge, slowly going out of sight. As the last horse's swishing tail went too far for me to see, a tear spilled down my cheek. Madison stood at my side, his hand on my back, rubbing the muscle between my shoulder blades which was tight with stress. My stomach twisted violently and I turned, vomiting up my breakfast. Madison jumped back, rushing to pull my hair out of my face as he patted my back gently. When my stomach was empty, I spat a few times and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Nerves?” Madison asked.

“Yes,” I said. “I just need to sit down for a bit.” Madison took my elbow and guided me inside, sitting me in a chair and fussing over me. My hand moved to my turning stomach, fingers stroking it through the cotton of my shirt. I had felt rather off lately, but Garrett assured me it was just my nerves. My eyes scanned the almost empty tavern, devoid of the usual rabble of soldiers, laughing, drinking and relaxing. Bull wasn't sitting in the corner, the Chargers gathered around him, no Sera shooting arrows at her door, no Cole flitting between people, cheering them up before disappearing. A lump formed in my throat and I took Madison's hand when he returned, looking up at him.

“I know,” he said. “I miss them too.” My mind raced and I sought my friends arms, burying my face in his angular shoulder. I had gotten so used to their presence. To Cullen and Garrett, sitting in my rooms, drinking and laughing late into the night. I recalled the night before, talking with them late into the night, anxious about them leaving. I had flitted around them, curling into one set of muscular arms before moving to the other, soaking up the warmth of their bodies, the feel of callous hands on my arm or neck, the brush of facial hair on my cheek and lips. I had woken up on the bed, my head on Garrett's chest while Cullen spooned against me. I had quickly and carefully moved once I realized that Cullen's morning erection was tucked against my groin while his hand had slipped under my cami and cupped my breast. His soft, rythmic breathing in my ear had made me shiver, my pussy throbbing with desire. Garrett had woken as I was moving, ever a light sleeper, and snickered when he saw my prediciment, whispering for me to grind against the Commander. I had glared and moved, not wanting to think about how good it felt to be sandwiched between them or how wet my slit was at the feel of Cullen's hand on my full breast, my beaded nipple rolled between his fingers.  
I had gotten used to Gethorn, always on the move but ever ready to greet me with a tight hug no matter where he went or how short of a time he was gone. Leliana and Josephine would remain here, but I knew it wasn't the same. While I liked them, I wasn't close to them like I was the others.

“Remember the time we went out drinking...” Madison began, launching into a story of one of our misadventures. The next few hours were filled with talking, laughing and reminiscing, my friend distracting me from my sorrow the best way he knew how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted this today because I won't get to tomorrow.  
> So, a lot going on right now with our Girl. The Winter Palace trip will be here before you know it. The Winter Palace is a super long chapter, too and our Seer has some interesting encounters. I can't wait to post it!  
> I greatly appreciate all the Kudos, Comments and Bookmarks! You guys rock and I'm trying to make the story as immersive as possible which is why I do the pictures and youtube videos.  
> I tried to add an mp3, but didn't have much success. If anyone has any tips on how to do that, please share. I followed the directions on the FAQ, but couldn't seem to get it. I'm not sure if it's the site I used to get the music or what.


	42. Write This Down

Days turned to weeks and I wandered around Skyhold like a ghost, purposeless and lost. My mind was so focused on the others, I could think of nothing else. I searched the Fade for Solas, but couldn't find him. The Fade was too massive and the spirits that hovered near me would cry out in displeasure if I wandered too far. I took this to mean I was getting close to demon territory and remained where I was.

I still offered council to Leliana and Josephine, but I grew more depressed as the days passed. One morning, as I rose, I saw a raven perched on my desk, a bent scroll tied to it's leg. I reached out my hand and whistled, watching the raven jump up and swoop over, perching carefully on my knee. I carefully cut the raven free of the string and watched it glide out the balcony door, headed to the rookery for food and water, no doubt. I unrolled the scroll, seeing the familiar handwriting of my lover.

 

**My lovely Madam Seer,**

 

 **I hope you're well, my love. I know we've been apart for a while and Leliana says you're not taking it very well. Please take care of yourself. I know it's hard, I miss you more than I can say and Varric says I'm in a foul mood. Gethorn sends his love. He'd write you, but he's sitting here stuffing his face with those cookies you snuck in his bag.** (a sharp line cut across the paper, several blots of ink accompanying it.) **Shit. Sorry about that. He hit me. I was reading aloud as I was writing to screw with him. I told him he wasn't too old for me to turn over my knee. Now he's calling me Babae. Isn't that the elvish word for 'father'? Sweet Maker, now I suddenly have a teenager.**

**Anyway, I keep thinking about the first night you gave yourself to me. The way you tasted, the way you felt and moaned in my ear. You clung to me so tightly, like you'd never felt so good, never had such pleasure. It was glorious. I don't think I've ever been so excited. And when we first did a scene, I had to force myself to end it. I wanted to keep tormenting you, keep watching you writhe and scream. The moment I return, I'm locking you in the room and taking you until you pass out. If you're not already, surely I will impregnate you the night I return. I'll keep filling you up until you can't hold any more. But I hope I get to come home to a nicely round belly and a glowing lover.**

**Please make sure to eat and get some rest, baby. I miss you more than you know.**

**All my love,**

**Garrett.**

 

I clutched the letter to my chest, tears spilling down my cheeks and my inner thighs damp with my arousal. I wanted to be in his arms so badly right now. I lifted the paper to my nose, wandering if I could smell him on it, but only caught the scent of parchment and the mountains. I stood and made my way to my desk, sitting down and pulling out parchment and pen.

 

**Garrett,**

 

**Only you could make me cry and wet at the same time. I can't wait to be back in your arms and have you between my legs. ^_~**

**All is well here, though far too quiet in my opinion. I promise to try to eat and sleep more, but I will surely do the latter better with you.**

**And yes, my love, Babae is the elvish word for 'father'. You asked for children, you just didn't specify that they all had to be from my body. On the upside, congrats! It's a boy! Alright, I'll stop teasing you. I sent Gethorn his own letter with all the 'I miss my little baby' mother sobbing, so I'll spare you from relaying the message.**

**Perhaps if you return at night, the Champion could, once again, sneak into my room and tease me as I slept, making me all wet and eager before you fill me up, waking me while you force me to climax. Would you hold me down while I begged you to stop? Hold me against you, fucking my little hole until I'm unable to orgasm any more. Once my pussy couldn't take anymore, would you switch to my ass? Or would you just switch between holes periodically to make sure to wear them both out?**

**Truth be told, sex with you has got to be some of the, if not** _**the** _ **, best I've ever had. Maybe it's because of how I feel about you but it's so intense. The first night we were together, just the way you looked at me, with such desire...the way your body felt against mine, how you tasted, how you smelled, the sound you made, it was all so arousing. And it only seems to get better. Hearing your growl naughty things in my ear while you fuck me, spanking my bum, I love it. I love being in Subspace and feeling you slide your thick cock inside me, feel your lips on my skin, taste you on my tongue.**

**I miss you so much. I curled up with your pillow last night and cried, wishing it was you I was holding.**

**Please come back to me, my love. Be careful and perhaps you will find a round belly when you return.**

 

**All my love and more,**

**Your little slut.**

 

I signed the letter with a coy grin and quickly raced it to the rookery, hoping no one else snatched the letter up by accident. It had been known to happen in the camps, according to Cullen and often led to some very embarrassing situations. I returned to my room, sitting at my desk, re-reading Garrett's letter while my fingers trailed between my legs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, posting two chapters because they go together and they're both short. Also added a picture in the last chapter for those who didn't get to see it. I had a brain fart when I posted and forgot I had drawn something. No pictures for the next two chapters, sadly, but I have a few done already, including your guys first look at Madison!  
> Thanks for all the comments and Kudos! You guys are the shit!


	43. Letters From Home

**My little slut,**

 

**That made me so hard, baby. Maker, you have no idea. You are my little slut, aren't you? Always so eager for my cock and anything I have to give you. And don't you fret, my sweet girl, The Champion will definitely be visiting you to defile you in every possible way. Sex with you has to be the best I've ever had. I don't mind saying it either. Every thing about being with you physically is so intense. From the way you respond, to the things you beg me to do. I love seeing the complete rapture on your face while I defile you, the way you arch into me, even when I'm hurting you. I've always felt this need to be sadistic when I was close to someone, but I either held it back or ended up pissing them off. With you, the more sadistic I am, the more you respond, the more you love it. It's like you were made for me, love.**

**Varric complained after I got your letter. Something about me being giddy like a girl and jerking off more. By the way, did you draw a winking face on your letter? That is so damn adorable. For a badass seer mage with tattoo's, you have some of the cutest, girliest little habits. I love it.**

**I miss you more as we get closer to Adament. I wish you could have come with us, but at the same time, I'm glad you didn't. It's going to be brutal out there and I can't stand the thought of you getting hurt. I know we joke about children, but...I truly hope I come home to find you pregnant. I love you, I want...** several words were scribbled out. **I don't know what I want, but I know it includes you and forever. I hope that doesn't sound as corny when you read it as it does in my head, but it's still true.**

**One last corny romantic line I think I saw in that book Varric wrote and I'll send this off.**

**If I timed this letter right, it should be a full moon in Satina tonight. If you look at it, just know I am too and I'm thinking of you.**

 

**Someone who adores you.**

 

~♥~

 

**Garrett,**

 

 **I don't really know what to say.** **I stared at Satina when I got your letter and cried, missing you so desperately. It's strange how quickly I've gotten used to your presence, the way you hold me at night, the way you kiss me in the morning even when you have that horrible morning breath! Maybe being a Seer had something to do with it, but it seemed we skipped most of the awkward, new relationship, trying to figure each other out phase and went right to just being comfortable. I keep expecting to find you at the desk, writing letter's or coming out of the kitchens, arms full of food as you sneak it back to our room with that dumb grin of yours. And when did it become our room?** **When did you just invade my life and make it so I just can't imagine living it without you?**

**I miss you so much. Please, please stay safe. I pray you don't sacrifice yourself. I know it's selfish of me, but I can't help it. Stroud is a Warden. He went into that life knowing it wouldn't be long and even before you kissed me, I hoped he would be the one to make the sacrifice. I wanted you to be able to find a life and purpose after everything you've been through. I want you to be happy, you've lost so much. I hope I make your days a little brighter and add to your joy because I always wanted you to find happiness after everything.**

**I'm rambling. I'll stop now. Just know...I love you. More than I thought I would ever love anyone. I want to have a future with you. You love me and I don't know why, but your love is so perfect. In my wildest dreams I couldn't imagine someone so perfect for me. Your my soul mate, my love. And I hope by the time you get home, my belly is swollen with your child. Hopefully you will still find me attractive.**

 

**I eagerly await your return.**

 

**P.s. Tell Cullen to read his damn mail and write me! An actual letter! Fuck, I'm not one of his soldiers, I need more than three lines from my friend!**

~♥~

 

**My dearest love,**

 

**I know what you mean. I feel the same. Life is just so...so easy with you. I never felt pressured to be something I wasn't or try to impress you because you just accepted me as I am. Even the bad parts.**

**I miss you more each day, aching to hold you, to smell your scent on my bed like I do each morning at Skyhold when I wake up and know you were there a moment ago and I can easily find you.**

**Is it bad that I feel all giddy you're being selfish about something that concerns me? It makes me feel all warm inside. It also makes me happy that, even before we were together, you wanted me to be happy. I know it's all corny and romantic but, you've given me that purpose. For the first time in a long time, I have something to look forward to, someone to come home to. I came to Skyhold to help Varric and the Inquisitor with Coreypheus and the Warden's, but I found something more than duty. I found a someone I can't live without. I found a person who lights up my life and makes it all worth while. I found a beautiful woman to share my life with who completes me and makes me feel like I'm a the strongest man alive. You're my purpose, my love. And I promise to try my damndest to come back to you. Varric had already said he'll drag me back to you half dead if he has to. Gotta keep the Seer happy, right?**

**This may be my last letter for awhile. Adament is just around the corner and we're preparing to invade. I'll write when I can, but just know, even if I can't, you're still in my thoughts. Especially the dirty ones! Your Champion is very eager to ravage his helpless little Seer. When I get back, I'm going to explore every bit of you, make you writhe and scream and climax until we've soaked the sheets and pissed off everyone in the castle. I'm going to completely map out your body with my lips and tongue, tasting you, kissing you. I'm going to make you climax with out even touching your pretty little cunny and then when I finally sink my cock inside of you, I'm going to fuck you slowly, savoring the feel of you wrapped tightly around my dick, your fluids dripping down my sack to the bed while I suck on those nice, heavy breast of yours, feeling your hands in my hair, on my back, my arms, trying to cling to me while I tease you to the edge again and again and again. I want to see you try not to climax while I do everything I can to push you there, eager to get you to disobey so I can torment you further.**

**I love you. More than words can possibly convey. You are my new purpose.**

 

**All of my love and more.**

~♥~

**My pain-in-the-ass seer,**

 

**I have to say, I never thought I would have a man storm up to me and demand I write his lover a letter like I 'give a damn about her!' Now my men think we're all sleeping together. Thank you for that.**

**I miss you, too, though, despite the complaints I have about your methods. Leliana said you're not doing so well. I must insist, as commander of your army and your friend, you eat. Stop stressing so much. We're going to take care of this and come back as soon as possible. I miss our late night conversations, whether they be around the fire or tucked away in your quarters. Garrett and I talk frequently, but we both miss you and our conversations often turn to trading story's about your misadventures. I just regaled your lover with the story of how you attempted to put some kind of transparent cover over the hole in my roof and fell, your breeches catching on a bit of wood and saving your life. Do you remember that? Do you recall yelling for me to come help you? I raced up the ladder and you were just hanging there, looking scared and pitiful. Then your breeches ripped and I had to dive to catch you. Garrett was beside himself with laughter, you know how he gets.**

**Doing reports seems so daunting without you near, humming to yourself or making jokes. I miss our chess games and how you always give me a hug when I'm having a bad day. You're truly a little burst of sunshine in so many lives. I even found myself waking up the other night and reaching for you like when we shared a room and you'd cuddle up to me in your sleep. It was so cute.**

**Please remember to eat. Garrett told me to tell you 'that's an order.'**

 

**Yours,**

**Cullen.**

 


	44. Don't Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: slightly graphic visual of a wound.

The letters stopped coming aside from the occasional field report from scouts to Leliana. She told me it was because of all the chaos, taking care of the injured and everything, but I couldn't help but worry, even through her assurances that they had won. I read and reread Garrett, Gethorn and Cullen's letters, praying they came home safe. I had taken to sitting on the battlements when I couldn't sleep, watching the horizon for any sign of them. Sometimes the guards would sit and chat with me if I seemed particularly upset, but they mostly let me be.

One morning, I sat with Orara, Cylan, and Madison as the children ran around us playing. Orara held out a roll of bread smeared with honey, trying to coax me to eat, something I hadn't felt like doing for days.

“Dear, _please_ eat,” Orara begged.

“I'm not hungry,” I said, shaking my head softly.

“If not for you, then for the baby,” she begged. The clay cup fell from my fingers, smashing on the ground with a ringing sound that caused the children to stop and look towards us worriedly.

“The _what_?” Madison asked as I stared at the elven woman with a slack jaw.

“The-The baby,” she repeated, uncertainly, glancing at her husband. “Did...did you not know?”

“I...I can't be _pregnant_ ,” I gasped, my hand flying to my belly.

“My dear,” she said, reaching out and taking my hand. “I have borne three children and brought countless others into the world. You're _very much_ with child.”

“Gethorn will be thrilled,” Madison groaned. “Fuck, of course, you're _pregnant_.”

“ _Thanks_ ,” I snapped.

“I mean...did you _want_ this?” 

“I thought about it,” I said. “Hawke and I discussed it, but...holy shit. I'm...I'm pregnant.” I sat there, trying to digest the fact. My first instinct was to find Garrett or Gethorn and tell them, but my heart seized when I remembered they were gone and I'd have to wait.

“ _The Soldiers_!” came a cry from the gate. “The Soldiers are returning!”

My heart hammered in my chest and I was dashing across the courtyard before I knew it. I was met with a group of somber faces passing me, casting me sad looks.

“ _No_ ,” I gasped, racing down the line until I found Cullen who looked at me with a mix of joy and sorrow. I flung myself into his arms, pressing kisses to his cheeks.

“You're okay,” I gasped.

“Madam Seer,” he began formally and my heart sank.

“ _No_ ,” I said, shaking my head. “No! Cullen! _No_!” He gripped my biceps as I beat on his chest. “You _promised_ to keep Gethorn safe! You _promised_!”

“ _It's not Gethorn_!” he cried over my sobs. I froze and stared at him in horror.

“Garrett?” I asked. “He's....”

“He was injured,” Cullen said. “On the way back....” My knees gave out and Cullen hauled me bodily into his arms, holding me tightly as my mind raced. Garrett? The baby? Was I...? How could...?

“ _Listen_ ,” Cullen hissed, giving me a careful shake. “He's alive. But...it's not looking good...” Cullen pulled me aside, waiting as the caravan of soldiers passed. Those of Gethorn's inner circle walked by, stopping to greet me, usually with a tight embrace. When a large cart passed, he called it to stop and pulled back the cloth that had been draped over it. Garrett lay there, blankets kicked aside, stripped of his armor so he wore only his breeches and a shirt that lay open, exposing his chest and stomach. His face had a burn on it that marred the skin of his left cheek and had taken half the brow there. It was by a miracle that his eye seemed unharmed. That wasn't the problem, though. Along his stomach was a large gash, red and inflamed with infection, Garrett weakly moaning as he suffered.

“But...” I began, perplexed why it hadn't been healed. “Why...”

“The infection must be cured before we can heal him,” Solas said as he appeared around the cart, gazing at me sadly. “I am sorry, falon. It...it's not looking good.” I stared at Garrett, reaching out and caressing his cheek. His breathing sped up and he winced in pain, shying from my touch. Solas quickly climbed into the cart, grabbing potions and pouring them into his mouth. Garrett choked, coughing the fluids up and struggled weakly against Solas' hold.

“ _Dammit_ ,” the elf swore, pumping magic into the Champion. Healers swarmed the cart, joining the effort to save him. I watched in horror as he gave a shuddering breath and stopped moving. Time seemed to stand still. Solas pumped more magic into the dying mage but I was angry. No, I was furious. Red hot rage rose up in me like a tsunami, bursting forth from my lips as I screamed out;

“YOU _BASTARD_!” Cullen tried to grab me, but I tore out of his grip, leaping into the cart and straddling Garrett as the others pulled back in alarm. I reached down seizing him by the front of the shirt, each of my hands taking a side and hauling him up so his head swung back, exposing his throat.

“You are not going to _leave me_!” I cried through gritted teeth, pumping healing magic into him. “Do you _hear_ me? You are not going to _fucking_ leave me here when I'm carrying _your child_! You _will_ come back to me or _so help me,_ I will go into the god's damned golden city _myself_ , _kick_ the Maker in the nuts and _drag_ your soul back here! _You don't get to leave me_! You're going to be a father and I _need_ you! So puke it out, sweat it out, I don't give a fuck, but _DON'T LEAVE ME_!”

Gethorn and Cullen called my name, the latter trying to pull me out of the cart, but I pushed him back, burying my face in Garrett's chest and sobbing openly as I warped my mana to heal him. I felt Solas put a comforting hand on my back but I only tightened my grip on Garrett's shirt, keeping him up at a strange angle. 

I felt a hand on my cheek and heard a weak voice call my name which caused me to look up. Garrett stared at me with half-lidded eyes, his head lifting so it wasn't bent awkwardly.

“Garrett!” I gasped, my hands growing slack so he crashed back into the cart with a groaned. “Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Garrett!”

“ _Ouuuw_ ,” he moaned. “Damn, baby.”

“ _Bastard_!” I sobbed, kissing him frantically. He gave a hoarse chuckle, pushing the mass of my hair out of the way as he cupped my cheek.

“Is it true?” he croaked. I stopped and looked down at him, seeing his golden eyes glimmer with joy and hope.

“Is what true?” I asked, scrubbing my eyes. 

“Am I gonna be a _daddy_?”

“Yes,” I laughed wetly. “So you have to stick around.”

“ _Promise_ ,” he sighed, moving his hand to rest lightly on his chest as he closed his eyes. I watched as he drifted off to sleep, a smile on his face. I looked at Solas who smiled at me and nodded. I crawled back towards the open end of the cart where Cullen was waiting, stretching his arms to lift me out. He had that grin on his face that always meant he was seconds away from laughing his ass off.

“Kick the Maker in the _nuts_?” he asked as I took his hands. I blushed, ducking my head in embarrassment. Had I really said that? I'd never live it down. 

Cullen set me carefully on the ground, laughing as he did.

“So,” came Solas' smooth voice. “Did I hear you say you were pregnant _after_ leaping into a cart and bodily lifting a man much larger than you?”

“No?” I said guiltily, ducking my head as I turned slowly to face him.

“Once everything is settled, I want you resting with your feet up,” he ordered.

“Yes, _daaaaad_ ,” I sulked. Solas nodded and followed the cart, casting me a look over his shoulder that I knew meant he would personally ensure I was doing so.

“Come,” Cullen said when I turned back to him. “Gethorn's about to shake through the foundation if he doesn't get to hug you.” He nodded to Gethorn who was standing off to the side, violet eyes wide and glimmering with excitement.

"I'm going to be a big brother?" the elf asked, his hand lightly touching my belly.

"Yes, my love," I said. "You're going to be a big brother." Gethorn whooped with joy and hugged me, lifting my feet off the ground and spinning me around. He landed a clumsy kiss on my lips when he put me down, long fingers hands cupping my cheeks. Cullen laughed at us coming over and putting an arm around each of us.

"Come," he said. "Let's go meet with Leliana and Josephine so you can rest." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Garrett came home but what does fate have in store for him and our now pregnant Seer?
> 
> I will be honest with you guys, originally, Garrett died. But this story took on a life of its own and I just couldn't kill him.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the Kudos and Comments! I posted this story on a whim because I honestly didn't think anyone would really like it since it completely turned from my original plan of it. I'm glad you guys like and continue to like it and all the fun stuff I did with it. ♥♥♥


	45. Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In response to all the "So glad you didn't kill off Garrett" comments, so am I. Originally his death was going to be a kind of segue into Cullen and the OC getting together with Cullen taking Garrett's place in her life since she was with child and blah blah blah, but once I got to writing the actual chapter, I just couldn't do it. So, yeah. Anyway....onward!  
> Posting tonight cause I work butt ass early and won't get to post until late.

I stood in the war room with the Advisers, gazing at the map on the massive table. Gethorn stood beside me, rubbing my back with a gentle hand as I leaned into him.

“You've dealt Corypheus a stunning blow,” Leliana commended him.”We will have a few weeks to rest before the ball at Halamshirel.”

“So soon?” Cullen asked.

“Indeed,” Josephine said. “And it seems a good thing, too. If the ball was any later, our seer might not fit into her dress.” Josephine grinned at me.

“It seems congratulations are in order, Madam,” Leliana said, looking at me with a small smile. “News of the soldier's return scene has swept through Skyhold.”

“Oh fuck me,” I groaned. “Are they talking about the part where...”

“You said you would kick the Maker in the nuts?” Leliana hummed, eyes twinkling. “That's their favorite part.”

“Shit,” I swore.

“Yes, well,” Josephine coughed, trying to hide her smile. “We need to ensure we're all prepared for it.”

“Coincidentally,” I hummed. “Gethorn needs dancing lessons.” Josephine and Leliana exchanged looks before Josephine began taking notes.

“Leliana, you've been teaching him about politics and the grand game?” I asked.

“I have,” she nodded. 

“Extra pockets should be sewn into his uniform,” I went on. Josephine vigorously wrote down everything I said, from where to hide weapons, who to talk to, where Venatori agents would be hiding, what to say and on and on. I don't think I'd ever spilled so many things at once and everyone seemed mesmerized. I told of where they would find information, making marks on the floor plan of the Winter Palace that Leliana brought out. When I could think of nothing else, I stopped.

“If I think of something else, I'll let you know,” I told them.

“Th-thank you, Madam Seer,” Josephine stammered. 

“I must go before Solas tracks me down,” I said, heading towards the door. I thought of something and paused, looking over at Gethorn who was handing something to Leliana.

“Oh, and Gethorn,” I said.

“Mamae?” he asked.

“Remember, if you think it's a trap, it is,” I said. He nodded in understanding and I left the room, hurrying to Garrett's room where healers had put him in his bed, potions on his bedside table. To my surprise he was awake, smiling at me tiredly. He waved me over, reaching for me when I got closer.

“Come here,” he said. “I want to feel mai bebe.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“It's not even moving yet!” I cried, allowing him to pull me close and rub my unchanged stomach with an almost dreamy smile.

“Kid happy?” he asked.

“Thrilled,” I said. There was a pregnant pause as I eased onto the bed, Garrett putting his head in my lap. I threaded my fingers through his midnight colored hair, thinking he may need a haircut. It was starting to brush his shoulders. Though I thought he looked good either way, he had complained about it being a bother when it was long.

“You almost died,” I said softly.

“Is that what that was?” he mused.

“What what was?” I asked.

“I was walking towards this light. I could head your voice, but the closer I went to the light, the softer it got. Then, I heard you say you were carrying my child and stopped. When you said it again, I thought;  
'Oh fuck! I'm not missing this!' and turned and started running back to your voice. Then I woke up and you cracked my head.”

“How did you get hurt?” I asked.

“Fear demon,” he said.

“When you went in the Fade?” I questioned. He sighed, giving me a glare.

“Yes and you could have told me I would be taking a trip to the Fade,” he huffed.

“I couldn't,” I said, shaking my head. We fell into silence and I knew Garrett was a little miffed at me, but I also knew he would get over it.

“Stroud?”

“I think you know what happened to him,” Garrett said softly. 

“So you'll be going to Weisshaupt?” I asked, anxiously.

“When I'm healed,” he said with a nod, taking my hand and kissing it. “But I'll be hurrying back here to be with you.”

“You better not miss the birth of your child,” I said.

“Fuck no!” he grunted, moving to lay back on the pillows. “The Maker himself couldn't keep me away.” He looked over at me, a goofy grin on his face.

“I can't believe I'm gonna be a daddy,” he said with an excited lilt to his voice. “If I could, I'd get up and dance.”

“Dance later. For now, rest.”

“Lay with me?” he asked, scooting over in the bed. I crawled in with him, letting him arrange us in a spooning position, his hand stroking my stomach. I rested my hand over his, interlacing our fingers.

"Sorry it's not as round as you would have liked," I said. He chuckled and nosed my neck.

"I must have gotten you pregnant just before I left. I'm slightly disappointed in myself. I should have knocked you up sooner."

"Oh hush," I laughed. Hands roamed my stomach as Garrett sucked on my neck.

"You're going to be so hot pregnant," he moaned.

"I think daddy has a fetish," I said to my belly. Garrett groaned, moving one hand to my breast.

"You have no idea," he panted. "These all full with milk."

"Behave," I scolded. "You're not getting sex until you heal."

"You can't be serious," he complained.

"Try me."

"But...but...baby, come on. You can ride me!" Garrett tugged at my shoulder, doing his best puppy face.

"No, love," I said firmly. "Until Solas says you're okay, no sex!"

"Fucking dear demon," he groaned, flopping back on the bed.

"I don't like it any more than you do," I said. "But it's best not to make things worse."

"I know," he sighed. "You're right. It's just...it'll take months for this infection to go away."

"No it won't," I said. "I'm going to take care of it once you get your strength up."

"Oh? How's that?"

"The magics of modern medicine, love," I said, patting the hand on my arm. "It's not going to be fun for you."

"If I get to ravish the mother of my child sooner, I will do whatever you say." He pressed eager kisses to my shoulder, snuggiling up to my back.

"Just remember you said that," I told him.


	46. No Way Out

I poured over the books Dorian had gotten me, reviewing my notes, checking and double checking. I had Solas and Dorian look at them as well and they drew the same conclusion that I had. I stared at the mass of paper and ink that blurred as tears filled my eyes, my hands clenched on the desk.

“Dammit!” I cried, slamming my fist on the desk, ignoring the spike of pain the action caused. Tears slipped down my nose, falling to the paper and smearing the ink.

“Woah, who pissed you off?” I jerked my head towards the door and saw Madison walking in, his bow strung over his shoulder. I stared at him, desperately trying to think of what to say to him, how to tell him. When he caught sight of my expression, he stopped, scowling at me.

“Hey, what's up?” he questioned. “Are you okay? Is it the baby?”

“No,” I said. “He's fine. It's...I...” I swallowed, turning back to the desk, looking down at my notes. The letters ran together, the pages a jumbled mess from my errant thoughts and theories.

“I know how we got here,” I said. “Well, it's a theory, but it's a good one.”

“Okay, how did we get here?”

“You've heard of 'parallel universes', right?” I asked.

“Of course,” he said.

“That's basically what this is,” I went on. “This plain exists parallel to our own.”

“Wait, if it's parallel, why are they still in the stone age?” he questioned.

“My guess would be because of magic,” I said. “Because magic is a much more physical thing here, they didn't need to advance like we did. Not to mention the blights and other things have made it hard to focus on science and advancement. When the world damn near gets destroyed every century or so, you don't really concern yourself with technology. Though I'm guessing the elves of Arlathan were probably very advanced and when it fell...” I shook my head. “Regardless, that's what it is. We fell through the veil because a rift tore in the same place at the same time as that car crash. When the power line hit it, our veil tore as well because, and this is just a theory, the man in the car died. When he died and the veil opened to accept him, it created a hole between the worlds that we fell through.”

“What...what does that mean?” Madison asked, frozen like a statue. I clenched my fists, turning my head as tears slipped between my lids, even as I squeezed them shut.

“To return, the same circumstances must be achieved,” I said. “Our veil must open in the same place at the same time as it does here.”

“How would we find something like that?” Madison questioned.

“We wouldn't be able to,” I said. “There would be no way to tell which rift led to our world and which one led to the Fade. Not to mention the inherent dangers of just jumping into rifts. And to replicate such a thing would be a statistical impossibility.”

“Meaning?” Madison asked in a strained voice. He knew. He knew what it meant but he wanted to hear me say it. I kept my hands on the desk, my body hunched over it as I slowly turned my head, fixing him with a sorrowful look.

“It would be impossible to return,” I breathed. Madison staggered as if I had struck him and I rushed to his side, taking his arm and helping him to the couch. He sat down heavily, staring blankly at nothing.

“Impossible,” he repeated, shaking his head. “I think I knew, but to hear it...”

“I'm so sorry,” I said, throwing my arms around him. He hugged me tightly, pressing his face into my shoulder as tears silently wet my blouse. I rubbed my hand over his back soothingly, offering him comfort as best I could. We sat like that for awhile before he pulled back, wiping at his eyes.

“I hope she's happy,” he said. “I hope...I hope she finds someone to make her happy.” I knew he was talking about his wife and sat there, listening as he talked about her, telling stories and laughing.

“They'll probably say we ran off together,” he chuckled. I shook my head, smiling.

“I love you, Madison,” I said. “But I could never marry you. We'd drive each other nuts.”

“I know, right?” he laughed. “Or our kids, nuts.”

“We'd be awesome parents,” I said with a sniff.

“You'll be a great mother,” he said, reaching out and putting a hand on my belly.

“On the bright side,” I said. “You get to stay and play with your nephew.”

“You can't possibly know it's a boy, yet,” he said.

“Shows what you know,” I teased. I looked over at him, seeing the sorrow in his eyes and took his hands in mine.

“What am I going to do?” he asked.

“You'll come live in Kirkwall with Garrett and me,” I said. “After that, it's up to you.”

“I can't ask Hawke to do that,” he said, shaking his head.

“You didn't,” I said. “He offered. I'm offering.” He squeezed my hands in his, leaning in and brushing a kiss on my cheek.

“Thank you,” he said. I pulled him into a tight hug, pouring all my remorse into the embrace.

“Any time,” I said. We both looked over as Solas walked in, his gaze falling to us.

"Is everything all right?" he asked, looking concerned at the sight of our red faces.

"We can't go back," Madison said, pulling away and cleaning his face on his sleeve. Solas gave us a sympathetic look, kneeling before us.

"I am sorry," he said sincerely. "Though I must admit, I am glad you will both be staying around."

"Well, I wasn't going anywhere," I said, patting my belly. "But I was hoping to get Madison back to his wife."

"I understand," Solas said. "I am still glad." Madison gave Solas a tight smile and the elf looked at him, his expression strange. It was almost like longing. As if he wanted to say something to my friend, but couldn't. He placed his hand on Madison's knee, giving it a squeeze.

"Perhaps, if you cannot return, it is because you were meant to be here." I arched a brow, looking at Solas with slight confusion.

"Solas, I didn't know you believed in fate," I teased.

"I am always open to new ideas," he said, looking over as the door opened and Gethorn and Cole came in.

"You found one of the amulet's," he said, rising to his feet. He walked over to them, taking the amulet and examining it. Madison and I stood, joining the group. Cole looked over at me, those piercing eyes locking on mine. While Cole enjoyed my presence, he tended to stay away from me because I had scolded him about invading my mind. I looked at him sadly, knowing how this endeavor ended.

"It won't work," Cole said, his expression becoming pained. I shook my head.

"No, it won't," I confirmed. Gethorn and Solas looked at me, puzzled.

"What?" Gethorn asked. "Why won't the amulet work?"

"Because Cole is neither a spirit nor is he human," I said. "He hovers between, held back by how he became what he is and now he must decide what he wishes to be."

"But...I am me!" Cole cried. "I can't...! I won't be enslaved!"

"What are you doing to the kid now?" We looked over to see Varric staring at us, arms crossed over his chest.

"Stopping blood mages from binding me like the demons at Adament," Cole explained.

"Something is apparently interfering with the enchantment," Solas sighed.

"Something like Cole not being a demon?" Varric asked before his cautious gaze fell to me. "I hope you're being careful around all this magic, Mom. Don't need my niece or nephew coming out with two heads." I laughed and looked over at Cole who was fidgeting.

"Calm down," I soothed, resting my hands on his narrow shoulders. "You are you. But something pulls at you. Think about it."

"Focus on the amulet," Solas said. "Tell me what you feel." Cole muttered to himself, words coming out rapidly as he tried to think. He spun around, pointing at the wall.

"There," he said.

"Looks like we have something to find," Gethorn sighed. "Of course it doesn't just work." I shot him a look and he shrunk back, blushing.

"Cole," I said. "Go find Cullen. Work with him to pinpoint where you're sensing something wrong. We'll fix this, okay?" Cole looked at me, his expression torn.

"I'm supposed to heal you," he said. I smiled and ran my fingers along his cheek.

"Don't fret on it," I said.

"Will you come with me?" he asked. "All of you?"

"Sure, kid," Varric said. Madison stepped up beside Cole, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

"C'mon, kid," he urged. "Let's go get Cullen." The two walked out and all eyes turned to me. I smiled sweetly, my gaze falling to Solas and Varric.

"He must make a choice," I said softly. "He must choose if he wishes to be human or spirit. None of us can decide for him."

"He belongs in the Fade," Solas said.

"I get it, you like spirits," Varric said. "But he came into this world to be a person. Let him be one."

"I would like to help Cole without taking away who he is," Gethorn said. "Is that possible?"

"Yes," I said.

"I'm not saying we do nothing," Varric said. "But that ritual of theirs only works on demons, right?" Solas turned to Varric, angry.

"This is not some fanciful story, child of the stone," he snapped. "We cannot change our nature by wishing."

"You don't think?" Varric asked, arching a thick brow.

"However we deal with the problem, our next step is to track down whatever is interfering with the enchantment," Solas sighed. He looked at me and I smiled.

"Cole will be what he was meant to," I said. "He may have been born a spirit, but if he wishes to become human, that is his choice." Solas snorted and turned from me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A picture of Madison! I'll tell you now, there's something special about his appearance that will be revealed later. Let's see if any of you can guess what it is.  
> I'm working on drawing several pictures of the Winter Palace chapter so that one might be a little late. Hopefully, it will be worth it for you guys!  
> Thanks again for all the support for this story! ♥♥♥


	47. Being Human

We journeyed to the Hinterlands, guided by Cole who was adamant about our direction. The closer we got, the more agitated he became and the more he clung to me. I allowed this when he clung to my hips, blue eyes pleading.

"You're calm," he said. "Like a rock in a storm. It grounds me. They all have thoughts on what I should be, what I'm supposed to be. It's a war, wild, writhing in my head but _you_..."

"Cole, you don't need to be human or spirit," I said. "You just need to _be_." I had gotten used to doing things with Coles arms wrapped around my waist, his ear to my belly, listening to the baby. I found out early on in my pregnancy that Cole had a special place in his heart for children. He claimed their needs were simple, their thoughts not convoluted by stress and the world. It was interesting when he would tell me the babes thoughts.

"He wants to hear your voice," he said one evening as I stirred stew in a pot, latched onto me like a spider monkey. "You haven't spoken for some time and he misses your voice. Soft, soothing, safe."

"But I will forgive myself and start to let it go  
Accept that who you chose to be  
Was out of my control  
And though it might be hard to  
Begin again  
I'll write myself a brand new story  
With a happy end  
I survived  
So tonight  
I am talking back my life  
And I'll show you that I'm not nothing." I sang softly and Cole smiled. Those blue eyes focused on me, intense. Solas watched me, his eyes locked on my slightly swaying form. I saw the pain in them and thought he must be angry at me.

"He's not angry," Cole said. "He's torn. You are _Freedom_. He is _Peace_. A part of him. He loves you. He always has. Just as you have always loved this child, even when you didn't want him. Before, when he had a different father and you were hurt..." The spoon clattered to the pot and Madison looked over at me, concerned.

"Cole, please," I begged. "Don't." Cole fell silent and I continued on with dinner.

It wasn't long before we arrived and Cole found the man he searched for. He was...underwhelming to say the least. Thin and obviously suffering from lyrium addiction. Cole stormed up to the man, grabbing him and forcing him to his knees.

" _You killed me_!" he snarled.

"I...I don't even know you," the man said.

"You _forgot_!" Cole cried. "You locked me in the dungeon in the spire and you _forgot_ and _I died in the dark_!"

"The spire?"

"Cole, _stop_!" Solas called as we raced towards him. He released the man who ran off and Varric blocked Cole's path.

"Just take it easy, kid," he said. 

"He _killed_ me!" Cole shouted. "He _killed_ me! That's why it doesn't work! He _killed_ me and I _have_ to kill him back!"

"Cole, this man _cannot_ have killed you," Solas said. "You are a spirit, you have not even possessed a body!" Cole muttered to himself frantically, twisting his hands.

"A captured apostate. They threw him into a dungeon in Val Royeaux," Cole hissed. "They forgot about him. He starved to death! I came through to help...and...I couldn't. So I became him. Cole." I put my hands on Cole's back and he turned, seizing me in a hug.

"Cole, the real Cole, was once an apostate mage," I explained, carding my fingers through Cole's mousy hair. "When the Templar's captured him, they locked him in the dungeon. But, they forgot he was there and he starved to death. Cole, our Cole, tried to help him but was unable to. The shock and sorrow of failing his purpose made him take the real Cole's place in this world. Cole is a spirit of Compassion."

"If Cole was an apostate," Varric murmured. "That would make the guy we just saw a Templar. Must have been buying lyrium."

 "Let me kill him," Cole snarled, pulling away from me and moving to follow the Templar. "I need to do it. I _need_ to." I watched him leave, listening to the debate that raged behind me between Solas and Varric. I took a few steps forward, grabbing Cole's shoulder. He stopped and looked at me, his blue eyes a war of emotions.

"Cole," I said. "This is very important. What do you wish? Do you wish to go back to being a spirit or become human?" Cole looked towards the path the Templar had taken.

"I...I am neither of those," he said.

"No," I confirmed. "You are caught in a between state, a state you cannot remain in."

"I want...I don't know," he sighed. "It hurts." I tugged him towards the Templar, the group following. The man cowered.

"I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry," the man sobbed.

"Look at him Cole," I instructed. "Feel his pain." Cole did as I said, staring at the man. "He made a mistake, but that mistake cost you your life. The choice is yours." I had Varric hand me his crossbow, making sure it was unloaded. I held it out to Cole who stared at it, then the man.

"Forgive him, show him compassion or take your revenge," I said. Cole looked at me, then the man and finally his gaze rested on the crossbow. He reached out, taking it and feeling its weight in his hands. He aimed it at the man before letting out a cry of rage and pulling the trigger. There was a click and nothing happened. Cole looked down at the crossbow, puzzled and I sighed. Cole would be human, then. He had made his choice. I reached out, gently taking the weapon from him and handing it back to Varric. Cole stared at me, his gaze full of sorrow.

"How are you doing, kid?" Varric asked. "Feel any better?" 

"No," Cole sneered. 

"You can't make it all just go away," Varric told him gently. "I learned that the hard way." Cole held up his arm, pointing his palm at the man who was rising to his feet.

" _Forget_ ," he said but I took his hand in mine.

"No," I said softly. "He needs to remember. So do you." I nodded to Varric and he pulled Cole away as I looked at the Templar. I let fire dance through my fingers as I stared at him.

"Don't follow us," I said sternly. He only nodded.

The journey back to Skyhold was silent, Cole lost in his thoughts and our group giving him the space he needed. It was one night, while Cole was off hunting, that Solas spoke up.

"The amulet will now never function," he said. "Cole remains vulnerable to binding."

"No, he isn't," Varric said. "The amulet wouldn't have worked because he's too human. Maybe now the kids also too human for that binding magic to work on him." Solas sighed and shook his head.

"I hope you're right," he said.

"He is," I told him, looking over when I heard someone walking through the underbrush. Cole made his way towards us, two dead rabbits in his hands and a grim look on his face.

"It still hurts," he whimpered. "When do I stop hurting?" I patted the spot beside me and Cole took it while Varric cut up the rabbits.

"Being with your friends can make you feel better," Gethorn said gently. I put my arm around the boy, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

"C'mon kid," Varric said, tossing the last of the rabbit meat into the pot. "Let's go for a walk. It'll help clear your head. Mom has enough people clinging to her legs."

"The left-hand misses a friend with two different names. She's hurting, sad, alone, but..." Cole paused, looking over at Varric. "Everyone can see me now. They remember. How do I put honey in Leliana's wine without her noticing?"

"I can help with that," Varric said, motioning for Cole to follow. Cole pulled away from me, standing and following Varric around the fire and into the woods. Solas watched them go, a sad smile on his lips.

"It is good that he is not entirely changed," he said. "However human he becomes."

"Yes," I said. "Though I could sometimes do without him saying weird things to me."

"I would think you wouldn't mind it so much," Solas remarked.

"It's just when he says things that don't make sense," I said. "Like, I thought you might be mad at me but Cole said you weren't, you were torn. Then he said I was freedom and 'He is Peace, A part of him.' I have no idea what that means. He also said you loved me and always had, which doesn't even make sense since I only came to Thedas a year ago." I looked at Solas who was eyeing me carefully.

"Perhaps it means something to you," he suggested. I shook my head.

"It doesn't make sense," I sighed. Solas stared at me for a moment then shook his head.

"Do not worry," he said. "It will make sense someday." I smirked and looked at the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Cole becomes more human and says some weird stuff to our Seer.  
> Next Chapter is The Winter Palace and I'm working on the pictures for you guys! The chapter may be a little late, but I'm trying! Bare with me!


	48. Masquerade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys know the sheer amount of work that went into this chapter. Holy fucking shit I _hate_ The Winter Palace!  
>  _words_ = elvish

The trip to Orlais was daunting. Garrett joined us, though he wouldn't be attending the ball. He didn't want to leave my side, despite my protests against him traveling. His infection was clearing up finally thanks to my insistence that it be bathed in clear liquor twice a day and wrapped with fresh bandages. The healers had looked at me like I was insane when I stood beside his bed with a clean blade, clean cloth and a bottle of booze. He had taken a long drink of the booze and told me to go for it, gritting his teeth as I cut open the pus sacks, drained them and soaked them in the liquor. But they couldn't argue with the results when the infection had begun to clear up.

My belly had started to round ever so slightly, something Garrett was thrilled with if his worshiping kisses were anything to go by. I had grown frustrated with my breeches being too tight and taken to wearing dresses more often.

We stayed in Madame De Fur's home, the sprawling mansion more than enough room. The only downside was Madame De Fur's insistence that the girls all attend a beauty salon. While I had not minded the bone tingling massage or the heated pool full of skin softening oils, I was less than thrilled when my legs, pubic area, and brows had been waxed and I had been scrubbed down with some exfoliating soap. My face was gone over with a tweezers, plucking even the finest of baby hairs that were there before my hair was tackled. I discovered that it was possible to dye my hair green again, through a process of mixing dye pigments together until the desired color was achieved, but Madame De Fur, Josephine, and the stylist debated if they should. My hair had grown out quite a bit, blond roots forming a harsh line when it met the green. They eventually came to a consensus and the stylist set to work, applying creams to my hair, washing it and then cutting it carefully so I was left with my natural hair color gently bleeding into the green, my hair naturally curling around my face and down my back. I had to admit, it looked good. Though I knew that at the first chance, I would dye it back to green.

Garrett had loved it when I returned to our rooms, rubbing his hands over my smooth skin and kissing my neck.

“Mmm, remind me to set these appointments up for you once a month,” he hummed. “I like it.”

“You don't like my leg hair?” I teased.

“I just like that the mother of my child got all pampered,” he purred, fingers trailing over the now hairless lips of my vulva.

The men were subjected to their own beauty routine, much to mine and Josephine's immense amusement. They too had been waxed, but it's was confined to backs and asses if Blackwalls gripes were to be believed, and the Ambassador and I had sat outside the waxing room, laughing wildly at the men's cries of pain. Hearing Cullen swear in a high voice had sent my into hyspterics that had Garrett coming to carry me away and telling me to leave the men alone. I hadn't listened, naturally.

Everyone's hair had been cut, styled and, if needed, dyed. Bull's horns had been scrubbed and polished until they shone while Blackwall's beard had been trimmed. Garret had mused going as well, but when there was talk of shaving off his beard, I had protested against it vehemently.

“Don't want me to shave?” he had asked with a grin while rubbing his hand over his bearded chin.

“I love your beard,” I pouted, scratching it gently with my nails the way he liked. He hummed contentedly and wrapped an arm around my waist.

“Then I'll leave it,” he had said.

“ _Good_!”

The day of the ball came quickly and I was dressed in my gown, my hair piled on my head so ringlets fell down in a flattering way. Jeweled combs decorated my hair, carefully picked to match the necklace Solas had given me. Makeup was cautiously applied to my face, a soft red on my lips, black on and around my lashes, while a silver was applied to my lids. Large chandelier earrings almost touched my shoulders while smaller stones decorated the other holes in my ear. I stared in the mirror, looking at the grand woman who stared back. I lifted my hand, touching my face carefully.

“You're a vision,” Josephine gushed, fussing over me. I turned to her, plucking at my finger.

“I...I feel...wow....” I sighed. She smiled and took my hand, pulling me towards the door.

“Come, the others are waiting,” she said. I peered down the stairs, seeing the group gathered, talking and putting any finishing touches on their own outfits.

Cullen glanced towards the stairs, doing a double take when he saw me. He gawked at me, his golden eyes wide and his mouth open.

“Maker's breath,” he said. “You're beautiful.” Those around him turned to see what he was talking about, a domino effect beginning as others wandered what people were looking at. Soon, every eye in the room was on me, some in shock, others grinning. Garrett was staring at me with open desire, molten eyes trailing over every inch of me. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and he shifted, his hand dropping and tugging at the hip of his pants, no doubt trying to loosen them. I slowly descended the steps, my hand holding the railing as I did. When I got to the bottom, I shifted nervously, smoothing my hands over the skirt of my dress.

“Uhm...I'm ready,” I said. “Do I look okay?”

“You might not make it to the ball,” Garret growled.

“She better,” Leliana said.

“Andraste's ass,” Blackwall said.

“Falon, you're a vision,” Solas said. There were murmurs of approval and I flushed.

“The Carriages are here,” Josephine said. I moved to leave, but Garret grabbed me, pulling me against him and looking down at me with lust filled eyes.

“I'll be waiting for you,” he purred, bending down and kissing me passionately, his tongue invading my mouth as he carefully cupped the back of my head. When I moved to pull back, he followed me, breathing through his nose as he ravished me. I moaned, twisting my hands in his shirt. Leliana cleared her throat and Garret pulled back, his lips red with my makeup and his eyes almost as black as his hair.

“You messed up her lipstick,” Josephine sighed.

“We'll fix it in the carriage,” Leliana said, looping my arm around hers and pulling me towards the door. “Remember to act as if this is your element. Any weakness will be sniffed out.” I climbed into the Carriage, Gethorn, Leliana, and Cullen taking up the other seats. Leliana sat across from me, using a kerchief to clean the smeared lipstick before carefully applying more. It wasn't long before we were pulling into the Winter Palace, the Carriage stopping before the massive gates. Cullen and Gethorn climbed out, each taking a side and holding out a hand. Leliana let Cullen help her out while I carefully ducked down, taking Gethorn's hand. I took his arm, walking towards the gates while Josephine caught up with us, talking about the political situation and our invitation from Duke Gaspard. Inquisition soldiers preceded us through the gate, stopping and stepping aside before giving us the Thedosian version of a military salute. Duke Gaspard moved towards us, lifting his arm to get our attention.

“It is a great pleasure to meet you, Inquisitor Lavellan, and you, Madam Seer,” he said, bowing to us. Gethorn gave a short bow while I dipped a half curtsy, my shoulder and chest bowing slightly while my arm came up to my waist.

“Bringing the rebel mages into the ranks of your army was a brilliant move,” he commended, stopping before us. “Imagine what the Inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful Emperor of Orlais.”

“I can see many benefits to such an alliance,” Gethorn said.

“Keep the image firmly in mind,” he said. “But perhaps the Seer has already seen it's wonder.” I smiled coyly, looking up at him from beneath my painted lashes.

“I have seen many things, My lord,” I purred. He licked his lips, his gaze raking over me before he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I am not a man who forgets his friends,” he said. “You help me, I'll help you.” Gaspard offered me his arm and I took it, allowing him to pull us towards the main gates.

“Prepare to shock the assembly by appearing as a guest of a hated usurper,” he hummed. “They will be telling stories of this into the next age.”

“I can't imagine that crowd has seen anything better than us in their entire lives,” I tittered behind my hand.

“I knew we would get along famously,” Gaspard said a smile on his lips. “As a friend, perhaps there is a matter you could undertake this evening...”

“You wish for us to investigate the Elven Ambassador Briala,” I said. “You're suspicious of her.”

“Y-Yes,” Gaspard said. “I am tempted to ask just how much you know, Madam Seer.”

“But, my dear Gaspard,” I mock gasped. “You know how the game is won. The one with the most information wins and I intend to win.”

“I detest The Game,” Gaspard sighed.

“But we must play it well, nonetheless,” I said.

“Indeed,” Gaspard said. “Come, let us go into the ball.”

“Give us a moment,” I said, taking Gethorn's arm. “I need to talk to the Inquisitor.”

“Of course,” Gaspard said, bowing to us. Gethorn and I walked a bit away, casually strolling about the yard, though I was guiding him to where a woman was searching for her ring.

“ _The eyes of Orlais will be on you, isha'len_ ,” I told him in elvish. “ _You must show them you belong. This is made harder since you are an elf. Remember not to doubt yourself and act as if you_ belong.”

“ _Yes, Mamae_ ,” he said. I nodded towards the woman.

“ _She is looking for her ring_ ,” I told him. “ _Assist her, but be haughty with her. The ring is by the fountain._ ” I released Gethorn's arm, turning and walking to where Cullen was standing, waiting for us to go inside. He smiled at me, dipping his head.

“You look breathtaking,” he said. 

“And you are very handsome in your formal wear,” I said, stopping at his side.

“I feel silly,” he grumbled. “And I think it needs to be let out.” I giggled, reaching over and patting his belly.

“Nothing wrong with that,” I said. 

“As if your own gowns won't be let out soon,” he said, dropping his gaze to my stomach.

“As if,” I snorted. “Josephine has already ordered my maternity wardrobe.”

“Of course she has,” Cullen laughed. I looked up as Gethorn rejoined me, looking perplexed.

“That was weird,” he said. 

“Don't think about it, too much,” I said. “Come.” I guided him to the balcony and told him where to stand to listen to the noble's talking. When he was done, he returned to my side where I slipped a piece of paper into his coat that labeled where he would find information. We gathered our party and entered the Vestibule, Gethorn darting off to do as I instructed. Solas stepped up beside me, his gaze on the massive golden double doors. My eyes roamed over him, noting how handsome he looked in the military formal wear. I stopped at the hat and ear clip he wore that labeled him a servant and scowled.

“ _Something wrong, falon_?” he asked.

“ _I hate seeing you in that servant get up,_ ” I said. A smile curled his lips but he didn't turn to face me.

“ _Why does it anger you?_ ” he questioned.

“ _You know why it angers me_ ,” I said. “ _You're not a servant_.”

“ _No_ ,” he agreed. “ _But if I portray as one, I can get more information. Nobles tend to have loose tongues around servants._ ” I huffed, turning away from him.

“ _I still don't like it,_ ” I said.

“ _I don't like that you are forced to play The Grand Game when you clearly detest it,_ ” he said, his hand moving to my elbow. “ _Yet, here we are, Da’lath’in._ ”

“ _I know, Fen’shan_ ,” I sighed, playing with the jewels at my throat. Solas smirked when I called him 'Old Wolf', his fingers trailing down my forearm to my wrist and taking my hand. He bowed, pressing a kiss on the back before straightening. 

“ _Will you dance with me later, little heart?_ ” he questioned.

“ _Of course,_ ” I said with a smile, slipping my arm around his. He looked down at me, his eyes falling to the necklace he had gifted.

“ _You look beautiful_ ,” he said softly. 

“ _Would I have passed for a noble in Arlathan_?” I asked with a coy grin.

“ _Not with those ears_ ,” he said, smirking. I laughed softly, reaching up and touching the gold wire that had been wound around one of my ears and through the piercings.

“ _You would have been the envy of many, though_ ,” he said. “ _Andruil would have tried to have you killed. June would have stolen you for his own. He was known for taking what he wanted and he liked to have a Harem full of pretty, if unwilling, women._ ”

“ _Not regretting the Veil right now, Old Wolf,_ ” I said, arching a brow. He chuckled, leading me towards the doors that led to the ballroom as others in our party filed in. 

“ _I would have taken you from June,_ ” he said. “ _I stole his harems many times, though my younger_ self was _known to bed the women at random._ ” I rolled my eyes at this. 

“ _Perhaps if you were like that, I wouldn't have wanted to come with you,_ ” I teased. His expression changed into something like pain but muted.

“ _You would have always had a safe place in my lands,_ da'lath'in _,_ ” he said, brushing a curl back from my forehead. Before I could ask him what he meant, he was handing me to Gethorn. I cast him a puzzled look and turned to my adopted son, straightening my back and holding my head high. Gethorn did the same, glancing down at me for approval. I gave him a subtle nod and we began to walk across the ballroom as we were announced. I fought the urge to roll my eyes as my title was proclaimed, finding it completely outlandish when I was declared 'the beauty of the Inquisition'. Gethorn snickered at this and I elbowed him, scowling. We stopped before Celene, Gaspard standing so Gethorn was between us. 

“Cousin,” Gaspard greeted, nodding first to Celene, then Florianne. “My dear sister.”

“Grand Duke,” Celene greeted. “We are always honored when your presence graces our court.”

“Don't waste my time with pleasantries, Celene,” Gaspard said. “We have business to conclude.”

“We will meet for the negotiations after we have seen to our other guests,” Celene said sweetly, but firmly. Gaspard bowed and excused himself, leaving Gethorn and me alone before Celene with our group behind us. Celene turned her attention to us, a smile on her lips as she dipped a slight bow.

“Lord Inquisitor and Lady Seer,” she greeted, “we welcome you to the Winter Palace. Allow us to present our cousin, the Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom this gathering would never have been possible.” She motioned to Florianne who dipped a curtsy to us, her gaze narrowing at me.

“What an unexpected pleasure,” she said, though her tone was slightly clipped. “I was not aware the Inquisition would be part of our festivities. We will certainly speak later, My Lord and Lady.” With that, she swiftly turned and excused herself, her eyes remaining on me for a long moment before she turned away. I smiled. Florianne wandered how much I knew and was no doubt planning to kill me at the first chance. Leliana and I had discussed this and she had warned me to be careful of accepting food or drink from anyone. Our original plan was that I would dose myself with several antidotes to poison several days before the ball and the subsequent days leading up to it, but Solas had advised against this when I became pregnant. Our plan had changed to only accepting food and drink from Inquisition members and how to give the illusion I had partaken should another offer me anything.

“Your arrival at court is like a cool wind on a summer's day,” Celene said with a diplomatic smile.

“The weather may yet turn foul, your Grace,” Gethorn said, bowing to her, a coy smile on his lips. Celene tittered softly, fixing him with a wry grin.

“Even the wisest sometimes mistake fair winds for foul, Inquisitor,” she cooed. “We have heard much of your exploits. They have made grand tales for long evenings. How do you both find Halamshiral?”

“I have no words to suffice,” Gethorn said. “Halamshiral has many beauties and I couldn't do them justice.” I smirked at Gethorn's almost blatant flirting and nodded to Celene.

“I agree,” I said. “It is truly a magnificent sight to behold, Majesty.”

“Your modesty does you credit,” Celene said, “and speaks well for the Inquisition. Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom. We look forward to watching you dance.”  
Gethorn bowed low while I dipped a curtsy that almost had my knee's touching the floor. I took his arm and we moved away from the dais to the surrounding area. As Gethorn and I climbed the stairs to the area that encompassed the dance floor, Lelianna stopped us, a flute of Champagne in her hand that she passed to me.

“A word when you both have a moment,” she said before walking away. I sipped the drink, finding it actually wasn't champagne and was instead some sparkling ginger juice that eased some lingering morning sickness I hadn't even noticed. I smiled at this. Lelianna may have been cold and distance as opposed to how open and honest she was in Origins, but she still had a very caring side. She had begun to fuss over me in her own way since she discovered I was pregnant. It wasn't uncommon for her to hand me something I was craving during one of our meetings or some crackers if my nausea was bad. It also seemed as if my workload with reports had lightened and when I inquired into it, Cullen informed me that Lelianna had all reports sent to her and she sorted them as best she could before passing them along to me. I needed to remember to get her some new shoes or something pretty.

Gethorn and I passed Josephine who was standing beside a young woman. 

“Josephine, Josephine, is this them?” the woman asked eagerly. We turned to the couple as Josephine sighed heavily. 

“Inquisitor, Madam Seer,” she addressed formally, “Please allow me to introduce...”

“Your younger sister, Yvette Montilyet,” I finished with a grin. Yvette almost jumped up and down with excitement but reined it in.

“So it's true!” she gasped. “You are a seer.”

“It is,” I said, curtsying. “And it is a pleasure to meet you. You simply must tell us stories about Josephine.”

“But you're a seer,” Yvette pouted. 

“I am,” I agreed. “But I don't know everything. I would love to hear about Josie as a girl.”

“Oh!” Yvette gushed. “Of course! But only if you tell me more about you and the Inquisitor! Josephine writes but she never tells me anything.”

“It is a deal, my dearest Yvette.” The young woman blushed prettily as I flirted with her, her delicate hand touching her chest. Gethorn and Josephine began talking about politics while I kept Yvette entertained.

“Perhaps you can tell me when I shall marry, Madam Seer,” Yvette pressed, her gaze eager.

“I am afraid my visions are confined to the Inquisition. Though I doubt a young lady as lovely as you lacks for suitors.” Yvette blushed and giggled.

“I heard an interesting rumor, Lady Seer,” she said, leaning in.

“What was that, my dear?” I asked, leaning in as well so my breast strained against the neck of my gown. 

“They say you have bedded Ser Hawke and Commander Cullen.”

“At the same time?” I mock gasped. “My that sounds like a fun night!” Yvette giggled.

Gethorn and I bid the two farwell and made our way to the Vestibule. I paused as I saw Cullen looking slightly paniced at the crowd and swooning admirers that was slowly starting to get closer to him. I saw him lift his hand to his forehead, rubbing firmly as his brow furrowed.

“Go to the vestibule and meet with Lelianna,” I said. “Tell her I already know what she wants and I will be doing my part. After she speaks with you, explore the palace and go to the areas I marked for you. Be careful not to get caught and be back here when you hear the bell toll.”

“Yes, Mamae,” he said, kissing my hand before strolling away. I turned and walked over to where Cullen was standing, surrounded by people all vying for his attention. I stepped closer to him, putting my hand on his shoulder and leaning into his ear. He ducked his head so it was easier for me, his expression curious.

“There's a headache potion hidden in the waist of my dress on your right,” I whispered in his ear. His hand moved around my waist until he found it, quickly palming it and pulling back. I closed my fingers around his, making it look as if I were merely holding his hand while I pulled the cork free. He quickly tossed the potion back, letting out a sigh as it began to work and ease his pain.

“Thank you,” he said. “But why give it to me like this?”

“Two reasons,” I hummed, leaning against him so he was forced to put his hands on my waist. “One, not to show you were in pain which some would consider weakness and Two, your admirer pool has diminished.” Cullen's eyes shot up as I turned to stand at his side, and sure enough, three or four of the people around him had left.

“If Hawke wasn't already, I'd marry you,” he breathed.

“Why Commander,” I teased, my voice a bit louder than before. “That's the fourth time you've proposed to me.”

“Shame you won't accept,” he said, his playful tone holding an edge of bitterness. I stared at him for a moment before it dawned on me.

“How long?” I asked. He closed his eyes and turned his head, but my hand on his cheek guided him back to face me.

“Cullen, how long?” I pressed. His fingers covered mine as he opened his eyes, looking down into mine sadly.

“A while,” he replied. “Before Hawke joined us...Before Skyhold...”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“I wasn't sure you'd stay,” he said. “And if you stayed, I wasn't sure what kind of life I could give you. I wasn't sure I'd be enough...”

“You would have always been enough,” I said, sadly, my fingers caressing his skin. “Always.”

“It's too late, now,” Cullen said, gently taking my hand from his cheek and kissing my fingers.

“I'm sorry.”

“As long as you're happy,” he told me.

“Next time, say something,” I said. “I'm sure you'll find someone else in the future and instead of staring at her like a lost puppy, go grab her and kiss her!” Cullen chuckled, tucking a strand of my hair back into place.

“Would that have worked with you?” he questioned.

“Worked for Hawke,” I said with a wink. He let out a low laugh, brushing his lips over my knuckles again.

“I'll keep that in mind,” he said.

“See that you do,” I huffed. “I'll leave you to your admirer's.”

“Please don't,” he groaned.

“Too late,” I said, walking off as he shot me a withering glare. I strolled out into the Vestibule, taking a glass a servant offered me but pouring it out into a plant when I was out of their sight. I set the empty glass on a table and walked over to where Solas was standing.

“Enjoying yourself?” I asked.

“I do adore the heady blend of power, intrigue, danger, and sex that permeates these events,” he purred.

“You would,” I said with an eye roll. He smirked, nodding towards the servants.

“It's interesting what the servants say when they think no one hears,” he said. 

“But nothing that pertains to us, correct?” I asked.

“Unless the affair of Duchess Maryle with her Antivan lover that her husband is also bedding...” he said.

“Yes, yes,” I sighed. He chuckled, looking at me with affection. He scowled, standing up straighter and putting a hand on my shoulder.

“ _You are troubled, little heart_ ,” he said. “ _What is it_?”

“ _I just found out Cullen was infatuated with me and never said anything,_ ” I sighed.

“ _Ahhh_ ,” he hummed, nodding his head. “ _He finally told you_.”

“ _Is this another of those 'everyone knows but me' things?_ ” I snapped, annoyed.

“ _Yes, little heart, it is_ ,” he said with a smirk. “ _This upsets you? Do you not love Garrett_?”

“ _I do_ ,” I said. “ _I just...now he's hurt. I don't like that. I feel bad I didn't see it and..._ ”

 _“If Cullen wished his affection known, he should have said something,_ ” Solas said, flippantly. “ _The burdens others place on themselves are not your responsibility. You can't heal everyone, little heart._ ”

“ _I know,_ ” I said, slumping against the wall beside him. He looked around for a moment before taking my hand and pulling me out on the balcony. He closed the doors, turning to face me and wrapping his arms around me. His hand smoothed over my back as I leaned against him, my face pressed against his neck so I could take in his scent.

“ _My little heart_ ,” he cooed. “ _Your empathy never ceases to amaze me. You refuse yourself joy if you even think it hurts another_.”

“ _There is enough suffering in the world without me adding to it, Old Wolf,_ ” I whimpered.

 _“The actions of others are not your responsibility, dearest one,_ ” he said. I nodded, standing there, enjoying his comforting embrace.

“ _You're not going to reveal a secret crush as well, are you?_ ” I asked a bit angrily. He laughed, looking down at me and brushing his thumb along my chin.

“ _No, little heart_ ,” he said. “ _I love you much the way you love Gethorn. I have great respect and admiration for you but my affections do not extend past familial ones._ ”

“ _So you love me like a daughter_?” I asked, teasingly. He smiled.

“ _That is one way to put it, yes_ ,” he said. I giggled.

“ _Should I call you Papa Wolf then?_ ” 

“ _Brat_ ,” he huffed with a roll of his eyes, though there was affection in his tone. I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. The doors opened and we both turned to find a Noble, eyeing us curiously.

“My mistress was feeling light-headed,” he said. “Too much wine.” I let my eyelids flutter for a moment as I gripped his jacket.

“Is she alright?” the noble questioned.

“She will be fine,” Solas assured. “Perhaps you could stay with her while I fetch her some water? I would hate to leave her alone. Her condition is...delicate.” He emphasized the last part, his eyes meeting the noblewoman whose hand flew to her throat in understanding.

“Of course,” she said, moving quickly to my side. “Come, dear, sit down.” I let her guide me to a bench while Solas stepped back into the party.

“How far are you?” she questioned, cooling me off with her fan.

“A few months,” I said, blushing. “It's my first child.”

“Oh mon deu, the first is always the hardest,” she sighed. “I was sick constantly with my first. Poor dear.” I allowed the noblewoman to fret over me, noticing that beneath her mask and makeup she was probably old enough to be my mother. She was nice enough and though she spoke Orlisian, I detected a hint of Fereldon in her accent. When I asked about it, she admitted to being from there but had married an Orlesian nobleman.

“I hate these grand parties,” she confided as she loosened my corset a bit for me. “All the backhandedness, it drives me crazy.”

“I'm not much of a fan, myself,” I admitted.

“Your hair color is very... _Maker's breath_ , you're the Seer!” she gasped.

“I am,” I said with a smile.

“You're here because of the peace talks?” 

“Indeed,” I confirmed. 

“So, do you know who will win?” she questioned with a grin. I smiled, leaning into her ear.

“All of them,” I whispered. She giggled, pulling back.

“Is that so?” she asked. “Well, if you are right, I will extend an invitation to my next salon.”

“You could start taking bets and make yourself some nice coin,” I teased.

“Oooh! A splendid idea,” she said. “I should go talk to Lady Elodie. I can't stand her and I'd love to put one on her.” I snickered at this. I liked this woman.

“Oh, I never introduced myself,” she said. “I am Comtesse Helene. It is a pleasure.”

“The pleasure is mine,” I said. “It is refreshing to meet someone like you here.”

“I could say the same for you,” she said. “I expected the seer to be more...mystical. But you seem very...calm. You're calming.”

“I get that a lot,” I said. Solas returned with a glass in hand, kneeling beside me and handing it to me. I took a careful sip, the cold water soothing my parched throat.

“Solas,” I said. “This is Comtesse Helene.”

“A pleasure, madam,” he said. “I thank you for seeing to my mistress.”

“The seer is such a gem amongst the others here,” Helene said. “A true breath of fresh air.” I let out a belch and blushed, covering my mouth. Helene laughed and patted my arm.

“Don't fret, my dear,” she said. “It's part of being pregnant.”

“I do beg your pardon,” I said. “Thank you for taking no offense.” Helene smiled at me, patting my cheek.

“Better?”

“Yes, very much so,” I said.

“Then I shall leave you for now,” she told me, rising to her feet. “I will be in contact with the Inquisition, I think.” She nodded to me and left the balcony, leaving Solas and me alone.

“ _You have won her favor_ ,” he remarked.

“ _She's a very nice woman_ ,” I said, taking another drink. “ _She's sponsoring an elven math prodigy named Lennan being accepted into the University of Orlais._ ”

“ _Interesting_ ,” Solas hummed, looking towards the door. “ _Feeling better_?”

“ _Yes_ ,” I said. “ _Thank you, Fen’bae_.”

“ _Da Fenlin_ ,” Solas growled. I giggled and let him pull me to my feet. His blue eyes gazed at me with a strange mixture of affection and sadness. I glanced over and noticed a scroll on the ground between the bars of the railing. I strolled over and picked it up, opening it and finding it was instructions from Briala. I slipped it into one of the hidden pockets in my skirt and turned back to Solas. He smiled and tilted his head slightly.

“ _I need to get this to Gethorn,_ ” I said.

“ _Of course,_ da'lath'in,” he said. I left the balcony, searching out Gethorn. I found him in the gardens and slipped the scroll to him. He read it and looked at me sharply. I nodded towards the netting at the back of the garden before moving to Dorian's side as casually as possible.

“How drunk are you?” I asked him. He looked at me, one elegant brow arched.

“Not at all,” he drawled. “Bored, though.”

“Bull is in the next room,” I pointed out. He fell silent for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh.

“I'm not sure I should...” he began.

“Yes, you should.”

“He's a Qunari,” he hissed under his breath, leaning closer to me.

“And you're a Tevinter,” I said. “I'm a seer, Gethorn, Solas and Sera are elves...”

“What's your point?” Dorian snapped.

“Oh, I thought we were stating stupid obvious things,” I remarked. 

“Years from now, they'll speak of how funny the Inquisition's Seer was,” he snarked.

“One can only hope,” I said wistfully.

“I suppose you think you're cute.”

“Bitch, I'm adorable,” I said, turning my nose up. Dorian laughed at this, shaking his head.

“I can't even be angry at you,” he grumbled. “You make it so hard.”

“I thought that was Bull's job,” I mused.

“Oh for the love of...” he sighed. I smirked, looking up as the bell began to toll. Gethorn quickly slid down the netting and walked over to me, nodding his head. I took his arm and we made our way to the ballroom, trying not to appear as though we were rushing or fixing our appearances. We passed the stairs in the vestibule and were pulled to a stop by a silky voice calling out to us.

“Well, well, what have we here?”

We both turned to find Morrigan descending the stairs in a dark gown, her yellow eyes taking the both of us in.

“The leader of the new Inquisition. Fabled Herald and Seer of the faith. Delivered from the grasp of the Fade by the hand of blessed Andraste herself,” she purred, stopping at the bottom of the steps and placing her hands firmly on her hips. I arched a brow at this, not realizing the rumors said Andraste had also delivered me from the Fade as well as Gethorn.

“What could bring such an exalted pair here to the Imperial Court, I wonder?” she questioned. “Do even you know?”

“We may never know,” Gethorn said with a grin. “Courtly intrigues and all that.”

“Such intrigues obscure much, but not all,” she said. “I am...”

“Morrigan,” I said. “Some call you adviser to Empress Celene on matters of the Arcane.” Morrigan paused, yellow eyes locked on me, her black brows arched to her hairline.

“So it is true,” she said. “If you know the outcome, why have you been so busy? Hunting in every dark corner of the palace?”

“To ensure the outcome I want,” I said with a grin. 

“You are being coy.”

“Perhaps,” I said. “You have something to give us. Something from an agent of Tevinter you found and killed.” She reached into her pocket and produced an old style, though for them I suppose it was new, key with a hoop on one end and large teeth on the other end. It was massive and I guessed it was because their locks had to be so big since they lacked the more delicate technology to make them.

“I think I know where this goes,” Gethorn said with a scowl. 

“Report to Lelianna first, then look into it,” I told him, looking towards the ballroom door. Morrigan eyed me for a moment, her gaze piercing me, trying to read me.

“Anything else you can tell me, Seer?” Morrigan asked sarcastically, no doubt angry at being thrown off her game.

“You loved her,” I said softly, my eyes locking with Morrigan's. “The Hero of Fereldon. You loved her. It's why you were so angry when she refused your offer, it's why you left. You couldn't watch her make the Ultimate Sacrifice.” Morrigan's eyes shone with unshed tears, her throat bobbing as she swallowed.

“Yes,” she said in a voice so soft I almost didn't catch it. “I could have saved her if only she'd let me.”

“She made her choice,” I said. “You can't keep carrying that burden.”

“Would it have made a difference?” she asked. I paused.

“His name would have been Kieran,” I said. “You would have loved him dearly.” She nodded and pushed open the doors.

“Thank you,” she said. “For telling me the truth. You could have lied to spare my feelings.”

“I would have done you a great disservice in doing so,” I said. “Lady Morrigan.” I curtsied to her and followed Gethorn inside. He went to deliver the information he had to Leliana while I walked around the room. I rounded on Josephine who grabbed me and pulled me into a corner.

“I could kiss you,” she said eagerly.

“I... _what_?” I questioned.

“Comtesse Helene approached me a moment ago,” Josephine said. “She is very influential in Orlais and her husband more so. The Comtesse herself is known for...”

“Josie, I love you, but you lost me at 'influential in Orlais',” I said.

“Right,” she coughed. “Politics. She has money, connections, and standing, all of which she will gladly give to the Inquisition, thanks to you! She simply adores you!” Josephine hugged me tightly, almost dancing with glee. 

“She's a lovely woman,” I said. “I rather enjoyed her company.” Josephine grabbed my shoulders and planted a kiss on my cheek. When she pulled back, her cheeks were beet red.

“Sorry,” she gasped. “I was so...”

“When you said you'd kiss me, I didn't believe it,” I laughed. “But far be it from me to make the same mistake again.”

“You have no idea how long I have been vying for her favor,” Josephine said. I looked over to where Gethorn was slipping back out into the Vestibule. I excused myself to Josephine and followed him, walking towards the trophy room where a group of men were standing, guarding the door.

“Madam,” they greeted, bowing to me.

“Greeting's gentlemen,” I said. 

“You're the Seer, aren't you?” one asked, eyeing me.

“I am,” I said. “You gentlemen are just dying to hear about Adament, aren't you?” They looked at each other, then back at me, seeming hesitant.

“We would, my Lady,” one said.

“Commander Cullen is in the ballroom and he'd be _more_ than happy to tell you about it,” I said.

“But, I can't leave my post,” one said.

“You'd only be gone a moment.”

“The world is ending,” said another to his companions. “This may be the only chance we get to hear the story.” They speedily walked towards the ballroom leaving the trophy room unguarded. I slipped inside, quickly looking around the room. On a table near one of the mounted animals was a stack of papers. I picked them up, seeing many notable names of court members and dropped them into my pocket before slipping out of the room and moving around the Vestibule.

“You've been the busy little bee, Madam,” came Cassandra's voice from the railing.

“Been watching me, Seeker?” I asked.

“It's hard not to notice you flitting around,” she said.

“Want to help?” I asked with a tilt of my head. She looked at me, her interest piqued. I stepped up to her side, leaning in close. I told her places to go to listen to a conversation and to report to Leliana what she heard before returning to the ballroom. I passed the documents I found to Leliana who grinned.

“You're very good at The Game, seer,” she said.

“Don't get used to it,” I bit out. Leliana passed me a plate of food and I leaned against the wall as I ate, suddenly starving. 

“You don't like the Winter Palace?” she asked.

“All the backstabbing and secrets gets old,” I murmured. “I prefer being at Skyhold, running around without shoes and helping people.”

“I hear you've made quite the impression, though,” she teased.

“La-di-daaa,” I grumbled, making her snicker.

“You are in a foul mood.”

“My back and feet hurt,” I complained. Leliana looked down at my feet which bore stylish and impractical shoes that had sparkling buckles.

“Trade shoes with me,” she whispered, toeing off her shoes and pushing them under my skirt. I kicked off my heels, shoving them towards her and slipping my feet into her flats sighing as my feet ceased to be held up at an awkward angle and my back muscles relaxed. Leliana glanced down, admiring the fancy slippers on her feet.

“Keep them,” I said. “I was going to lock them in my wardrobe for the rest of time anyway.” She laughed.

“Thank you, Madam Seer,” she said. I could tell she was delighted with the shoes and chuckled to myself. The quickest way to Leliana's heart was pretty footwear.

Gethorn entered the ballroom moments later and I watched as Duchess Florianne cornered him. My eyes remained locked on them as they moved to the dance floor and I made sure Florianne knew it by moving to the railing and standing tall. Florianne glanced up at me and I smirked at her before walking back to Leliana's side. We made small talk until the music ended and Gethorn came up to the balcony. I saw Josephine waiting for him and took my time joining them. Leliana and Cullen followed, shocked at Gethorn's prowess on the dance floor. 

“Were you dancing with Duchess Florianne?” Leliana asked.

“More importantly, what happened in the servants' quarters?” Cullen asked. “I heard there was fighting.”

“I hope you have good news,” Josephine sighed. “It appears the peace talks are crumbling.”

“The Grand Duchess tried to convince me Gaspard is the traitor, but I'm not sure I buy it,” Gethorn said. I smiled at him, giving him a wink as the other advisers talked. I let my eyes move towards the dance floor, my mind working furiously to check if I had told Gethorn everything he would need to know and how to give him the last bits of information. I glanced around the group and gave a small smile.

“Gethorn, perhaps you can honor your Mamae with a dance,” I hummed.

“Mamae, isn't there time for that later?” he asked, looking at me uncertainly. 

“For a more proper one, yes, but this won't take long,” I said. “Commander Cullen will interrupt halfway through and finish out in your steed while you go off and...well...you know.” I locked eyes with Cullen who looked at me curiously but nodded his head.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Gethorn said, catching on to what I was saying. He took my hand, sweeping a deep bow.

“Mamae, may I have this dance?” he asked loudly so those near-by would here.

“Of course, isha'len,” I said, taking his hand and letting him lead me to the dance floor. He spun me around the other dancer's, his steps light as he moved.

“You will find an elven assassin in Grand Duchess Florianne's old rooms in the Royal wing, a scorned mercenary in a courtyard and a naked man chained to a bed in Celene's personal quarters,” I murmured. “Send them all to us.”

“Yes, Mamae,” he said. I leaned in, outlining where these places would be and things to look for, before Cullen strolled over and tapped Gethorn's shoulder, sweeping a deep bow.

“Inquisitor, might I cut in?” he asked.

“Of course,” Gethorn said, stepping back and giving me a bow of his own. I dipped a curtsy to first Gethorn, then Cullen as the Commander held out his hand for me. 

“What did you tell him?” Cullen asked.

“Just instructed him to find a few things,” I said with a grin.

“And why was I to interrupt instead of Josephine who is a much better dancer?” 

“To get you away from the group of admirers you're about to strangle, get you seen on the arm of a woman your age so people maybe think you're involved,” I listed off. “And torment you a teeny bit.”

“I could kiss you,” he chuckled.

“Oh, that would help the second thing!” I tittered. Cullen grinned and spun me almost completely out of his arms before pulling me back and dipping me low. I tilted my head, pressing my lips to his in a sweet, dry kiss. The song ended and he led me to the balcony. I excused myself to one of the couches, sitting down as delicately as my exhausted body would allow. I was tired and yearned for my warm bed and one of Garrett's mind-numbing shoulder rubs. I fought the urge to tear the dress off and instead gripped the arm of the couch tightly.

“I know that look,” came a deep and playful voice from my blind spot. I quickly rose to my feet, plastering a smile on my lips as I turned, only for my jaw to drop at who I saw.  
Alistair gave me a boyish grin as he tilted his head, his clothes gleaming with gold and finery. He bowed to me, eyes twinkling with mischief. While the Inquisition game had been the closest to what the King looked like, none had gotten it exact. Gold colored hair was slicked back from his face much the way Cullen's was, a strong jaw and straight nose made him look aristocratic. He had a goatee that was trimmed short around full lips. His eyes were what truly startled me. They were a bit large but somehow fit his face, with honey-colored iris. Around the amber, though, was a line of radiant ice blue that caught me off guard. I guessed it must be because he was a warden and made a note to ask Garrett about it later.

“I shocked a seer,” he gloated. “How often does something like that happen?”

“King Alistair,” I gasped. “What are you doing here?”

“Losing my mind,” he grumbled. 

“I mean, I didn't expect to see you.” 

“Well, when Leliana told me about you, I simply had to meet you,” he said. “And when Celene invited me to the Winter Palace, I thought it was the perfect chance. Shall we?” He held out his hand to me and I took it with a small smile. I had romanced Alistair many times in the Origins games. His boyishness always made me laugh and I could see it now as he grinned at me. We walked to one of the empty balconies. I sat on one of the benches, watching as Alistair looked out at the gardens, his arms behind his back.

“You look like how I feel,” he said.

“And hows that?” I questioned.

“Ready to tear off your formal clothes and go running about in your smalls,” he said with a disarming grin.

“That sums it up, yes,” I said. “I want my nightgown. But you didn't come all the way from Denerum to discuss me inherit desire to be naked at functions that prohibit it. You have questions.”

“You know what happened during the fifth blight?” Alistair asked.

“You want to know if you could have saved her.” Alistair looked at me but didn't answer.

“No,” I said. “There were other choices she could have made to save herself, but there was nothing you could have done.” He nodded and leaned against the railing.

“I always wondered,” he said. “She sacrificed everything.”

“It was her choice,” I said calmly.

“I feel like if she was around, I would know how to do this whole King thing,” he admitted.

“She couldn't have helped that,” I said. “But a library full of studies on diplomacy could have.” He smirked, glancing over at me.

“I've read every book in that damn library twice over,” Alistair said. “I still feel like a failure.”

“Great kings always doubt themselves,” I said. “It means you care, you're concerned about the fate of your people. If you ever stop doubting, then you have failed.” He stared at me for a long moment, his brown eyes locked with mine.

“Is this the part where I have to travel a mountain in my smalls to become enlightened?” Alistair asked. I smiled, tilting my head slightly so the mass of curls fell and tickled my cheek.

“If you wish. Can I watch?” Alistair's ears turned red and he coughed, tugging at one of his sleeves. I laughed, unable to help myself. The confidant king became the nervous chantry boy once more and I couldn't help but find humor in it.

“Meany.”

I felt a gentle flutter in my stomach and gasped, my hand flying to my belly.

“What's wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“The baby just moved,” I said breathlessly, looking down.

“The baby?” he asked, eyes wide. “Andraste's flaming sword. Who's the father?”

“Hawke,” I replied with a grin. 

“I met Hawke once,” he mused. “Good man.” I nodded, looking up as Alistair sat beside me.

“He is,” I said with a smile. “Goofy, but good.” We sat in silence for a time, enjoying the quiet of the balcony and the faint music that came from the ballroom.

“Will you and Hawke return to Fereldon?” he asked, suddenly.

“No,” I said. “Hawke's home is in Kirkwall and my home is with him. But I suspect we will be traveling there since Hawke seems eager to show me everything.”

“If you're ever near the palace,” he began.

“I'll come visit and make you blush more.” He smirked at this. I looked towards the ballroom and saw it was time to make my move.

“I must excuse myself, your Majesty,” I said, standing and curtsying low to him. 

“Of course,” he replied, standing as well. “I will be in contact with Skyhold. If you need anything, you have only to ask.”

“You have my thanks,” I said, sincerely. He took my hand, brushing his lips across my knuckles before bowing once more. I quickly walked into the ballroom, moving to the staircase closest to Florianne. I watched as Gethorn entered through a side door, looking at me. I shook my head and he talked to Cullen briefly. I waited as Florianne and Gaspard moved to join Briala before the Empress, waiting for her speech. Gethorn descended the far staircase, his silver hair stained with blood. A murmur of conversation rose up at this and I grinned.

“We owe the court one more show, your Grace,” he called above the noise. Florianne stiffened, turning slowly to face him.

“Inquisitor,” she said shortly.

“The eyes of every noble in the empire are upon you, your Grace,” I said, descending the stairs. “Remember to smile.” Gethorn leered at the Grand Duchess, strolling up the steps with all the posture of nobility.

“This is your party,” he purred. “You wouldn't want them to think you had lost control.” Gaspard and Briala stepped away from Florianne as Gethorn and I moved closer.

“Who would not be delighted to speak with the both of you?” Florianne stammered, trying to maintain her cool. 

“I seem to recall you saying, 'All I needed was to keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike.',” Gethorn mocked, crossing his arms and arching a brow.  “When your archers failed to kill me in the garden, I feared you wouldn't save me this last dance.” Florianne looked furious, her eyes darting to me.

“It's so easy to lose your good graces, Grand Duchess,” I said. “You even framed your brother for the murder of a council emissary.” I strolled around Florianne, the tap of my shoes on the marble echoing loudly in the now silent room.

“It was an ambitious plan,” I went on. “Celene, Gaspard, the entire council of Heralds...all your enemies under one roof.”

“This is very entertaining,” Florianne giggled awkwardly, “but you do not imagine anyone believes your wild stories?”

“That would be a matter for a judge to decide, cousin,” came Celene's cold voice. Florianne looked up at Celene, realizing she had lost, then turned desperately to her brother.

“Gaspard?” she pleaded. “You cannot believe this! You know I would never...” Gaspard stared at his sister as if she were a stranger before turning and walking away. Palace guards closed in, cornering Florianne so she had no chance of escape. She slumped to the ground, defeated and the guards bodily hauled her out, heedless of her sobs. I looked at Celene who was watching the entire thing, angrily.

“Your Imperial Majesty,” I said. “I think we should speak in private, elsewhere.” Celene nodded her head and turned, heading to the balcony behind her. Gaspard and Briala followed Gethorn trailing after me. We closed the doors behind us, ensuring no eavesdropping and looked at the group who had begun arguing among themselves.

“Your sister attempted regicide in front of the entire court, Gaspard,” Briala spat. 

“You're the spymaster,” Gaspard sneered. “If anyone knew this atrocity was coming, it was you.”

“You don't deny your involvement,” Briala hissed.

“I do deny it!” Gaspard cried. “I knew nothing of Florianne's plans! But you...you knew and did nothing!” Briala snorted.

“I don't know which is better. That you think I'm all seeing or that you're trying so hard to play innocent and failing.”

“Enough!” Celene snapped. “We will not bicker while Tevinter plots against our nation! For the safety of the empire, I will have answers!”

“Answers?” I asked with a laugh. “Everyone of you is implicated. Your bullshit conspiring allowed this to happen!” I decided it was time to drop the pretense. My feet and back hurt, I had sniffed out poison in three drinks that were offered me and all I wanted was to get out of this fucking dress. Their petty squabbles didn't amuse me, they never had.

“That's a bold claim,” Celene said, glaring at me. “Are you prepared to defend it?”

“Gethorn?” I asked. He smirked at the group.

“Gaspard brought hired mercenaries into the palace for a coup. I have the word of his captain.”

“Oh, Gaspard,” Briala sighed. “So predictable. Brutality is your only talent.”

“Oh please,” I scoffed. “You murdered Ambassadors and forged documents.”

“So what if I did,” Briala said with a deathly calm. “Take me down and elves will riot in every city in the empire.”

“They won't,” Gethorn said. “Not when they learn you were sleeping with the woman who purged Halamshiral's Alienage. And Celene knew of Gaspard's coup and let it go far enough to hang him for treason.”

“You've made your point,” Celene snapped. “What do you want?”

“If you don't want your dirty secrets revealed, you'll all work together,” Gethorn said. 

“This can only end in disaster,” Briala gasped.

“You've been outplayed,” I snapped. “Now you will work together for your people or I will ensure you _all_ fall.”

“Why, Seer,” Briala said. “I thought you hated the Game.”

“I do,” I said. “Which is why I played hard so I wouldn't have to again. Now, I don't give a fuck how you come to a truce, but it will happen. _Figure it out_.”

Like scolded children, the three did as I said, discussing who would take what role.

“Mamae?” Gethorn asked.

“ _Vin,_ isha'lin?” I asked, tiredly.

“Are you alright?” 

“I'm ready for bed,” I sighed, looking at the dark sky.

“We have reached an agreement,” Celene sighed.

“Good,” I said, heading for the door.

“Don't you wish to hear it?” Gaspard asked.

“I already know it,” I told him, opening the doors. Gethorn and I followed the group as they addressed the court, not really listening. At the first chance, I retreated to one of the balcony's, leaning heavily on the railing, enjoying the cool breeze on my skin. I knew Gethorn would soon be speaking with Morrigan and I was just waiting for that to happen before I begged Josephine to let me return home. 

“ _You look ready to scream, little heart,_ ” came Solas' gentle voice from my shoulder.

“ _I am_ ,” I sighed. “ _I'm tired. I want out of this gown. I want my bed_.”

_“You did great things today, does this not please you?_ ” he asked, his hand on my waist. 

_“It does_ ,” I said. “ _I'm just tired of the secrets_.” Solas looked back as music poured through the doorway, a playful smile on his lips.

“ _Come, before the music stops_ ,” he said. “ _Dance with me_.” I was tempted to tell him 'no', but looking at his eager expression, I slid my hand into his. He pulled me close, moveing slowly in steps I wasn't familiar with.

“What dance is this?” I asked.

“It is from when I was young,” he said softly. “It has been very long since I have done this.”

“Danced?” I asked.

“Yes.” I looked up at Solas and saw him giving me the same mournful look he had before we had entered the ballroom and I paused.

“What is it?” I asked. He shook his head, eyes closing.

“I just...I hate seeing you like this,” he said. I smiled and rubbed his shoulder.

“I'm just tired, Fen'Bae,” I said. “Now smile.” He did, but I could still see the sorrow in his gaze. A sorrow I couldn't understand.

He spun me around the balcony, teaching me the steps from his time and laughing with me. I smiled, enjoying this far more than the joys of the ball. When the song ended, Solas stopped, looking down into my tired face.

“Let's get you back to De Fur's home,” he said. “You need to rest.” I nodded, not arguing as he stole me out of the palace and into a carriage with only a passing nod to Leliana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> da'lath'in- Little Heart  
> falon-dear friend  
> Felin- Wolfling  
> Fen'Bae -Papa Wolf
> 
> 9,621 words and six pictures. Booze was involved in some of this.


	49. What is Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos for the last chapter. Knowing you guys liked it made watching the playthroughs over and over again and all the drawing worth it. Here's a fluffy little relaxing chapter before things pick up again.
> 
> Posting tonight because I won't have a chance tomorrow.

Solas guided me into the De Fur Mansion, his hand firm on my waist as I stumbled. Garrett was in the sitting room, reading and looked at me, concerned.  
  
"Love?" he asked, putting his book aside and grabbing his cane. "What's wrong?" He rose to his feet and limped over to me, his golden gaze raking over me, looking for injuries.  
  
"She is just exhausted," Solas said, handing me to my lover after he brushed a kiss over my brow. "The ball was very tiresome for her, so once everything was settled, I brought her back home."  
  
" _This_ is not home," I said irritably. " _Skyhold_ is home." Solas gave me a gentle smile, not the least perturbed by my temper and nodded.  
  
"Indeed," he agreed. "Do you require assistance getting changed?"  
  
"I've got it," Garrett assured. "Could you have the servants bring some hot water to our room?"  
  
"Of course," Solas said, wandering off to find a servant. I looked at my lover as he pulled me towards the steps.  
  
"I know you wanted sex, love," I fretted. "I'm sorry. I just don't have the energy. Tomorrow, I promise." Garrett laughed as he opened the door to our room, wrapping an arm around my waist.  
  
"Don't be sorry, sweety," he cooed, kissing me tenderly. "Your comfort is _far_ more important than my libido. Come, I'll help you get undressed." He set his cane aside and turned me around, tugging the laces of the dress. He helped me step out of it before undoing the corset and pulled the hoop skirt down, followed by my smalls. He unclasped the necklace, kissing my shoulder gently.  
  
"You did look beautiful all dolled up, though," he said. "You rarely get all dressed up."  
  
"I thought you liked that I wasn't a prissy girl," I teased.  
  
"I do," he hummed, kissing my cheek as he gently removed my earrings before setting to work on my hair, tugging the pins and combs out so the mass tumbled to my shoulders. "But it's nice to see you get all pampered and gussied up once in a while."  
  
"I don't think I've ever seen you in formal wear," I mused.  
  
"Hmmm, I guess you haven't," he said. "I look silly, though. Not like you. You look gorgeous."  
  
"You're too handsome to look silly dressed up," I told him, moaning when he massaged my aching scalp. The mass of my hair had been up for far too long.  
  
"I'm glad you think so, baby." I stared at him as he turned, pouring some fragrant oil in the tub the servants had set up.  
  
"You really don't know how handsome you are, do you?" I asked. He laughed and held his hand out to me.  
  
"If a goddess such as yourself thinks so, then it must be true," he purred. I took his hand and let him help me into the tub, easing down to soak in the heated water.  
  
"I felt the baby move," I said.  
  
"Really?" he asked, excitedly. He dipped his hand in the tub, resting it on my stomach. "C'mon little guy, move for daddy." My son didn't listen to his father's plea and remained still inside me. Garrett's face fell and his lips twisted in disappointment. "Not even a little?"  
  
"Sorry, love. He's probably asleep." Garrett sighed and kissed my cheek before standing a grabbing a stool, setting it next to the tub. He sat down and began to wash my hair, cleansing it off all the products that had been put in it to get it to stay in place.  
  
"I'll get to feel him later, then," he said. "I'm a bit jealous that you get to feel him move and I don't."  
  
"On the bright side, you also don't get kicked in the bladder and made to pee yourself," I pointed out.  
  
"I'd pee myself if it meant I got to feel him," Garrett said, wistfully. "What's it like?"  
  
"Being pregnant?" I asked. Garrett nodded and I thought for a moment.  
  
"Well, it's...I don't know...weird," I said. "I mean I'm nauseous, I'm tired, my back aches because my hips are spreading and my feet get swollen. Physically, it's a pain in the ass. But...it's...it's also really cool. Our son is growing inside me. I feel him move. Cole told me he likes when I sing for him. It's neat to know that this little creature I have never met loves me. He's calmed when I talk or sing. He's...he's a _part_ of me." Garrett sighed dreamily and rested his chin on my shoulder.  
  
"It sounds so wonderful," he said, looking down at my slightly distended belly. "I can't wait until you're further along. Have I told you how sexy you are pregnant? I mean, you're always sexy but there's just something about seeing you pregnant with my child..." Garrett hummed and pulled back, rinsing the soap from my hair before washing it again to get the remainder of the product from it. I leaned back, enjoying the mind-numbing scalp massage. Garrett rinsed my hair again, then working the hair oil into the locks. He paused and I suddenly felt his lips on my own, urging them apart before slipping his tongue into my mouth with a moan. I whimpered, wrapping my arms around his neck and he pulled back, grinning at me.  
  
"Sorry," he said. "I couldn't resist. You looked so sweet." He helped me wash the makeup off and I turned in the tub to look at him, reaching out and stroking his cheek.  
  
“Want me to help you?” I asked.  
  
“With what, love?”  
  
“Your erection,” I clarified.  
  
“I'm not hard,” he said, soaping up a rag and washing me. “Not that I don't appreciate the _wonderful_ view, but I'm fine.”  
  
“Oh, I thought that was why you were kissing me.” He chuckled, kissing me again.  
  
“That explains a lot,” he said against my lips.  
  
“What do you mean?” Garrett pulled away from me, resting his elbows on his knee's and looking at me.  
  
“'Love, not every tender gesture is a request for sex,” he said. “I love you. I like to let you know I love you. You seem to think every time I touch you, I just want to fuck you. You escalate things. If I kiss you or hug you or cuddle you, you keep going until I'm hard. It's like you think your only value to me is your body and that's just not true.”  
  
“I'm sorry,” I said, slightly confused.  
  
“I don't mind if you're horny,” he said. “I will never complain about satisfying you, but I don't want you to always think I _only_ touch you intimately because I want to fuck you.”  
  
“I didn't realize I was doing that.” I shrunk back, feeling guilty.  
  
"I figured," Garrett said, reaching out and pulling me as close as the edge of the tub would allow. He kissed me sweetly, his tongue sliding between my lips. "You are not an object for sexual gratification. You are a person, a _wonderful_ , _beautiful_ person. No matter what your father or any other person you've been with made you think or feel, you are a _person_ and I don't touch you just when I want sex. I love you, so much, and I enjoy touching you, I enjoy letting you know I love you by hugging you, holding you, kissing you. I don't always want to get in your pants, I don't _always_ want sex. Not that sex with you isn't the most _amazing_ sex I've ever had..."  
  
I laughed and slapped his chest playfully, careful to keep well away from the still healing wound on his abdomen. He grinned and turned me around, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around my ribs, nuzzling into my neck.  
  
"I adore you," he cooed. "I _worship_ the ground you walk on. I love that you're smart and funny and sweet and caring on top of the amazing sex. Can I just let you know I love you?"  
  
"Of course," I said, turning my head to look at him. "I'm sorry. I'll try to reel it in."  
  
"Thank you, baby," he said, kissing my neck, then my lips before he finished up with washing me. He helped me out of the tub, wrapping a thick, plush towel around me and helping me pull a comb through my hair. As he was pulling my nightgown over my head, I felt the gentle flutter in my belly and quickly took his hand, placing it on my stomach. Our son continued to move and I watched Garrett as he stared at my belly. He looked so happy as he moved his hand along my skin made warm by the bath, following our child's movement. He looked like his entire world had just come together, like all the planets had aligned and some great miracle had taken place.  
  
"You're sure it's a boy?" he asked, glancing up at me before his gaze returned to my stomach.  
  
"Yes," I said around the sudden lump in my throat. He knelt down, gripping his cane tightly when his leg shook and placed gentle kisses on my stomach.  
  
"My _son_ ," he murmured, resting his forehead against my belly. "My _boy_."  
  
"Yours, my love," I agreed, running my fingers through his hair. He gave my belly once last kiss before he rose to his feet, grunting slightly. He tugged my gown down and shooed me towards the bed while he called the servants to empty the tub and stoked the fire. I watched him change into his sleep pants before crawling into bed with me. He curled up against my back, his legs tucked behind mine as his arm wrapped around me, resting on my stomach. I felt him press sweet kisses to the nape of my neck as he stroked the skin of my stomach, telling me he loved me and my heart swelled. I suddenly realized that somehow, I had accepted Thedas as my future without really questioning it. I wasn't sure how I got here, whether it was fate or the Maker or God, but I was where I belonged. I was meant to be here, right here, with people I loved. I closed my eyes, letting sleep wash over me, feeling an intense calm descend.  
  
"I love you...more than _anything_...more than _everything_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweet and fluffy.


	50. Up Against The Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:**   
>  This chapter contains kinky sex, forceful play, mentions of voyeurism and exhibitionism and just in general naughty stuff as well as a NSFW picture.

I could have kissed the ground when I entered Skyhold. I was so glad to be free of Orlais, but I knew I would have no rest. Being pregnant would make things difficult, but I planned carefully as we unpacked. I slipped in and out of buildings, placing things I would need, making sure to keep an ear out. I may have hated Orlais, but it did keep me on my toes and gave me many ideas. I made sure to keep up to date with Gethorn and what was going on so I knew my timeline.

One evening as I was walking down the steps of my room when Varric came over to me with a wide grin on his face.

"There you are!" he cried. "I've been looking all over for you! You're just in time. We were about to start without you." I arched a brow at this.

"What were you about to start without me?" I asked. Varric motioned for me to follow him and I did, trailing after him as he walked into the Tavern. It had been mostly cleared out and I saw that most of the Inner Circle sat around a massive table, tankards set before each person.

"I found her, Ruffles," Varric declared. "Deal her in."

"I do hope I recall the rules," Josephine said with a smile. "It's been ages since I played a game of Wicked Grace."

"Hey, baby," came Garrett's deep voice. I looked over and saw him sitting between Cullen and Varric with Gethorn across from him beside Josephine. Madison sat on Josephine's other side between her a Cole, a grin on his lips.

"I'm afraid I don't know how to play," I said. "But I'll still watch." My gaze darted around and I saw the table was packed with little to no room for an extra chair. Garrett's eyes swept across the table before he leaned back and patted his thigh.

"C'mere, baby," he said. "Sit in my lap."

"Darling, I'm far too heavy for that," I argued.

"No, you're not. Come here."

"You're still injured," I tried. "And I'm pregnant. I weigh more."

"I'm fine, I didn't even need my cane today," he insisted. "And you're not that far along. Now. Come. _Here_!" I sighed, crossing my arms and shaking my head.

"I'm not going to win this," I grumbled. "Fine. But I don't want to hear _any_ bitching tomorrow when you're in pain." Garrett rolled his eyes and held out his hand, guiding me down onto his lap. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, kissing his slightly sweaty cheek.

"Are we playing cards or what?" Bull asked.

"Want me to teach you how to play, baby?" Garrett asked.

"Sure," I said. "But don't deal me in. I'll just watch, I don't want to hold up the game."

"Are three drakes better than a pair of swords?" Cassandra asked. "Ugh, I can never remember."

"Seeker, remember when I said 'don't show anyone your hand'?" he asked. "That rule includes announcing it to the table."

"There's a crown on his head," Cole muttered. "But a sword too. His head didn't want either."

"Don't talk to the face cards, kid," Varric chuckled.

"You seem to have enough people," Cullen said. "I have a thousand things to do."

"Losing money can be both relaxing and habit forming," Dorian said. "Give it a try."

"Curly, if any man in history ever needed a hobby, it's you," Varric laughed.

" _Stay_ , Cullen," I begged, reaching over and putting my hand on his shoulder. He looked around for a moment before nodding, reaching up and briefly rubbing the back of my hand.

"Fine."

"Dealer starts," Josephine hummed, looking at her card. "I believe...I'll start at...oh, three coppers!" She paused and turned to Madison. "Do you think that's too daring? Oh, maybe I'll make it one..." Madison arched a brow at her, a smirk playing on his lips. "No, _boldness_. Three it is!" She tossed the coppers on the table and Bull scoffed.

"Seriously, who starts at three coppers? Silver, or go home." He tossed the money on the table and sat back in his chair.

"Sounds good," Blackwall said, tossing his money on the table, "I'm in."

"The bolder the better, right?" Dorian grinned, tossing more coins on the table. "I'm in."

"Me, too," Varric declared, his statement echoed by the clink of coins on wood.

"I'm in," Garrett said and I reached over, tossing the coins in with the others for him since it would be difficult for him to reach around me and do so. He smirked at this, tilting his head back slightly to look at me. "Gonna be in charge of my money?"

"Of course she is," Varric laughed. "She's your woman." There was a round of laughter at the table and I flipped Varric off as he chuckled, turning to Gethorn.

"What about you?" 

Gethorn peeked at his cards before tossing the money on the table.

"Don't let him beat me too badly, Mamae," he said.

"Hey! No sicking your mother on people!" Garrett protested. 

The booze and conversation flowed freely as we played, the pile of money growing. The game was strange and I had a hard time understanding it, so I stopped trying to grasp it and merely enjoyed watching. Garrett smiled when I leaned against him, his head on my shoulder as his hand carefully caressed my stomach. Though I couldn't drink, Bull packed a pipe with elfroot and passed it around. I took a few hits while most of the party refused it. Cullen took a careful hit, which surprised the shit out of everyone and Madison breathed in the plant deeply. 

I listened intently as Cullen recounted a story from his time as a young Templar, the entire table hanging on his every word. It wasn't often Cullen loosened up like this and he hardly talked about his time as a Templar.

"The poor recruit ran out into the dining hall in nothing but his knickers!" he laughed. "And this...profound silence fell over the hall as seventy mages and thirty templar's all turned to stare at once. Then, a slow round of applause began until every soul was on their feet, a standing ovation."

"What did he do?" Josephine asked with a giggle.

"Saluted, turned on his heel and marched out like he was in full armor," Cullen said. The table erupted with laughter and I hid my face in Garrett's shoulder as I cracked up.

"He did _not_!"

"Good man!"

"You're shitting us!"

"That's how you know it's true," Varric chuckled. "I could never put that in a book, too unlikely."

"You tell one, baby," Garrett urged.

"Oh, I don't know what to tell," I said. "Someone else go."

"C'mon, Mamae," Gethorn huffed.

"You've got some good ones from when you were a teen," Madison reminded me. I sighed and thought for a moment before I began to giggle.

"Oh, no," Dorian chuckled. "This is going to be good."

"Okay," I began, shifting in Garrett's lap so I could see everyone better. "First of all, I was an asshole when I was a teen. I used to pull shit like this all the time. Well, one day at lunch hour, my friends and I were just goofing around and started filling this waterskin up with all kinds of random stuff. Milk, juice, bits of food, we spit in it, one guy peed in it a little, I mean just gross." I substitued waterskin for the plastic bottle since I didn't want to stop my story to explain what a plastic bottle was.

Cassandra gagged while the others stared at me in horror at where this story could lead.

"So we basically had this gross bomb and were contemplating what to do with it," I went on. "I had a brilliant idea and took the skin right as the bell rang to end lunch and barely put the lid back on. Well, we had a grand staircase that went down in a spiral to the lower floors. It was the main mode of moving between floors and everyone used it. I walked over to it and chucked the skin over the railing. It fell and hit this guys shoulder and the lid blew off, spraying this foul liquid as the thing spun end over end, all this stuff just flinging out. It hit one girl in the face, it was gross. So they're all screaming and my friends and I ran the _fuck_ away, _laughing_ our asses off!" Those at the table roared with laughter, some crying out in disgust.

"You really were an asshole!" Bull laughed.

"That is so nasty," Gethorn snickered.

" _Damn_ , baby," Garrett chortled. 

"It might be a good thing you were never in a circle," Cullen guffawed.

"I was a dick," I admitted. "I was way too mischevious."

"And the dealer takes everything," Josephine declared as everyone showed their cards.

"Deal again," Cullen insisted. "I figured out your tells, Lady Ambassador."

"Commander," Josephine purred. "Everyone knows a lady has no tells."

"Then let's see if your good fortune lasts one more hand," Cullen taunted. 

"I'm not loosing anymore coin to Josephine," Garrett said, laying his cards down on the table and wrapping his arm around my waist. "But I have got to see this."

The game continued and Cullen quickly ran out of money. He threw his mantle into the pile and soon it was followed by his other armor, piece by piece. I smirked, making a show of peering over to get a look at Cullen's cock. Even soft, it was long and thick, my slit growing damp at the sight of it. This caused Cullen to turn bright red and Garrett to land a smack on my thigh.

"Don't tease the naked man, baby," he scolded. I reclined back against his chest, giving a soft sigh as my lover's hand moved to massage my thigh, his fingers quickly crept to the inner part. I paused, reaching down and gripping Garrett's wrist, but he only brushed my hand aside, placing a lingering kiss to the back of my neck. His fingers inched between my legs, sliding over my covered slit. I turned, shifting so I was curled against Garrett's chest, my head on his shoulder and both my legs draped over one of his. He growled under his breath and I knew I would be in trouble later. He pulled his chair forward slightly, sitting up straighter so my rump was tucked under the table. He dropped his hand, teasing along the seam of my breeches before moving down to where my slit was. He pressed hard, rubbing in tight circles. I tried to control my breathing, burying my face in his neck.

"No, look," he whispered in my ear. "Look at Cullen." I tilted my head slightly, looking at Cullen who leaned against the table, glaring at Varric.

"Not a word, dwarf," he growled and his voice sent a shiver up my spine.

"Do you like seeing him naked?" Garrett teased in my ear, kissing my cheekbone. "Does it get you all hot?" I tilted my head back, leveling him with a glare. He looked down at me, those golden eyes glowing in the candles. His lips twisted into a smirk and he pressed a tender kiss to my lips as his fingers moved faster.

"Keep watching," he murmured. "Behave." I rested my head back against his shoulder, my eyes falling to Cullen who glowered at Josephine.

"Never bet against an Antivan," Josephine snickered.

"I'm leaving," Cassandra declared, shaking her head. "I don't want to witness our commander's walk of shame back to the barracks."

"Well, I do," Dorian laughed.

"Me, too," Garrett said, leering over at Cullen.

"It comes off," Cole gasped. "I didn't know it came off!" One by one our group stood, turning to give Cullen some privacy. Garrett held me in his lap, rubbing rapid circles against my tender nether lips through my clothes. Cullen looked over at us and Garrett's hand stilled as the Commander nodded to us. I stood, making sure to blatantly drop my eyes to his lap, enjoying the way he blushed. Garrett tugged me off to the side, a grin on his lips. As soon as everyone was looking away, Cullen lept to his feet and dashed towards the door. Garrett smirked, turning his head to watch. When Cullen was gone, Garrett pulled me out the door and into a dark niche behind the tavern. I looked at him curiously as he caged me between his arms, smirking down at me.

"Thought you could get away with it, huh?" he growled. "I wanted to play with my baby's little pussy. You don't deny me." I moaned softly, looking up at him.

"But, everyone was there!" I panted.

"I don't _fucking_ care," he snarled, his hand resting on my throat. "If I want to play with that pussy, you let me. It doesn't matter _when_ or _where_." He gave me a bruising kiss, biting at my lips. "Take your pants off."

"But...!"

_Smack_!

I yelped as he landed a hard blow on my rump before reaching around and tugging at the laces of my pants.

"I said, _take them off_ ," he sneered. I did as he said, kicking off my elven breeches that hooked around my feet, the leather providing protection to the arch of my foot. Garrett slung them over a bush and moved his hand between my legs, rubbing my slit.

"Fuck, you're _wet_ ," he spat. " _Slut_. Did you like seeing the Commander naked that much?"

"N-No," I stammered, arching into him. His fingers pushed inside me and I whimpered my knee's buckling.

"Don't lie to me, baby," he scolded, kissing the corner of my lips. "The Commander is a handsome man. _I_ liked seeing him naked." I mewled, arching my back and my tunic was pushed up to my armpits, my breastband tugged down. Garrett sucked one beaded nipple into his mouth as his fingers pumped into me, wringing tormented moans from me.

"G-Garrett," I gasped. Those lips and fingers pulled away and I was turned to face the wall, a punishing slap landing on my ass.

"What did you call me, slut?" he growled.

"Ahn! Messere," I corrected. "I'm sorry, Messere!"

"That's my good girl," Garrett cooed, turning me back. He lifted me up and set me on the low stone window sill, standing between my legs.

"What does my baby want?" he asked, rubbing his cock head against my slit. I hadn't even noticed when he pulled it out, freeing it from the y-front of his breeches.

"I want...I want you," I sobbed, reaching for him. He smiled, leaning forward and taking me in his arms.

"You have me, baby," he teased.

" _In_ me," I panted. "Please. I want you _in_ me." Garrett sucked at the skin of my neck, gripping my rump and tugging me closer to the edge of the sill.

"You sure it's not _Cullen_ you want in this little hole?" he taunted.

"Gar-Messere! Please!" I gripped him tightly, my nails digging into his back.

"Would you ever let him fuck you?" Garrett continued. "Tell me, baby."

"Yes," I sobbed. "Yes, I'd let him if you wanted. I'd ride him, cumming on his cock until you made me stop. Now _please_!" Garrett groaned and slammed into me, sealing his lips over mine to silence my screams. I moved forward so I was perched precariously on the very edge of the sill, Garrett supporting me as he thrust into me wildly. He bit at my neck, groping my breast as he did.

"Fuck, yes," I gasped. "Messere, _please_. More."

"Like that, baby?" Garrett snarled, thrusting harder. "You like me fucking you in public, where anyone could catch us? Maybe the Commander will come back by to get his stuff. Should he catch us? Huh?" I shook my head, gripping him desperately.

" _No_? Why not?" Garrett asked, mouthing along my jaw. "Don't want him to see what a _slut_ you are? I bet he'd just watch, getting turned on seeing you moaning and crying while you were fucked. Maybe I could get him to join in, fuck this eager little cunt. Should I, baby? Should I let him _use_ you, take out his stress on your hole, treat you like a whore, only spreading her legs to slake his lust." I whined, biting at his shoulder as my heels dug into his back.

"Do you wanna cum?" I nodded, bucking my hips up. Garrett gripped my hair, twisting it viciously as he jerked my head back, lips brushing against my ear.

"Cum, you _fucking_ whore," he snarled in my ear, his voice a deep rumble. "Cum on my cock like a good little slut. I want to feel you spasming around my cock while I fill you up. I want you so full of seed it drips down your legs. You want that?" I mewled, nodding my head and I held my arms out for him. He released my hair, arms going under my legs and around my ribs while I wrapped mine around his neck, pressing my face into the crook of my elbow.

"I told you to fucking cum you _slut_ ," he growled against my cheek and I did, biting his neck to muffle my wail of pleasure. Garrett gasped as my channel clamped down hard around his cock, his hips moving faster as my inner walls milked him.

" _Shit_ , yes," he moaned. "Oh, Maker, you feel so _good_." He let out a long groan as he climaxed, hands gripping me tightly. I whimpered, feeling his cock jerk inside me before we stilled, trying to catch our breaths as we came down from our high.

"What are...Andraste preserve me!" We both jumped and turned to see Cullen gawking at us, amber eyes wide, jaw dropped and a dark blush on his cheeks. He was dressed in his tunic and breeches, his mantle and cape tucked under one arm. I noticed his pupils were dilated and his honey gaze moved to my cum covered slit, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he stared at me hungrily. Garrett quickly shifted his hips, hiding where we were joined and coughed.

"Uhm...sorry?" he tried.

"I...er...no...uhm...carry on," Cullen stammered standing there for a moment, seemingly rooted to the spot, before turning on his heel and speed walking away. I glared at my lover who only chuckled, looking at me guiltily.

"Okay, when I teased you with it, I didn't know I was talking it into existence," he said, rubbing the back of his head. I couldn't help it. I laughed, resting my brow on his collarbone. He snickered, rubbing my sweat-soaked back.

"Get me my pants, you goober," I snapped with a grin, pushing him away. 

"Yes, my dearest love," he cooed, snatching my breeches up and helping me into them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, for those who wondered what Garrett's cock looked like in my head...there it is! The picture actually turned out more artistic than I wanted it, but all other attempts didn't show the good bits, like Garrett's dick. Haha!
> 
> Anyway, you guys rock! Thanks for all the support and love! I'm continuously floored by just how many people actually like this and follow it and you guys are the reason I keep posting, keep adding to it and keep doing stuff with it. If there's anything you're hoping to see, story or art wise, let me know and I'll try to provide! ♥♥♥


	51. Liar Liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting tonight because I won't get to tomorrow.   
> Shit's about to get serious and kind of sad.

It was early one morning when I stepped into the stables and found Blackwall looking at the fireplace, a scowl on his face. I had made sure to do this when Dennet was out feeding the horses and not likely to interrupt us.

“My lady,” he greeted, glancing down at my pale blue maternity gown. “What brings you here?”

“Merely making sure all is well,” I hummed.

“You expect it not to be?” he questioned. “Did I miss something?”

“Only that _you_ expected _me_ to miss something,” I teased, leaning against one of the support posts, gazing lazily into the flickering flames.

“I don't understand,” he said, confused.

“I think you do, _Thomas Rainer_ ,” I said with a small smile. Blackwall grew so still, he seemed a statue. Ever so slowly, he turned to face me.

“How long have you known?” he asked in a soft voice.

“Since I met you,” I lied.

“Why didn't you out me?” he questioned.

“Because I couldn't make the choice for you,” I said. 

“What _choice_?” he snapped, angrily.

“To be a good man,” I said. “To do what's right.”

“So you think I should turn myself in?” he asked. I rolled my shoulders in a shrug before turning and walking towards the door.

“I think you should do whatever you believe is right,” I said. 

“ _Wait_!” Blackwall called and I stopped. He stormed over to me, his thick brows furrowed.

“It _can't_ be that easy,” he said. “You're just going to let me go?”

“I haven't captured you,” I pointed out. “But if you prefer, yes.”

“Do you even know what I did?” he snapped.

“You killed an entire family, children included,” I spat. “You gave orders to your men to do it, you _lied_ to them. Then you ran. Your men took the fall for your crimes. They died while you _pretended to be a better man_.” My voice rose with each thing I said, suddenly grasping the severity of his crimes when I realized this wasn't a game. These were real people, _children_ , he had slaughtered.

“Make no mistake, _Blackwall_ , what you did was a terrible thing that you did for foolish reasons,” I said. “How many _dead men_ have you left? How many people have died for you to live a _lie_?”

“Too many,” he said and his voice was weak. I turned slowly, my gaze moving to the man and I was startled by what I found. Blackwall had always seemed so strong to me like he could probably break me in half, but now he seemed tired. His shoulders were slumped, bags under his eyes and lines over his forehead. I noticed a smattering of grey in his thick chestnut hair and beard. Even though he stood with all the bearing of a general, there was a hunch to his shoulders that spoke of guilt and shame.

“Mockingbird, mockingbird, quiet and still, what do you see from the top of that hill? Can you see up? Can you see down? Can you see the dead things all about town?” I sang softly, watching as Blackwall seemed to slump more.

“Why didn't you tell them?” he asked in a wretched voice.

“Rainer died,” I said softly. “You are not him. Rainer _took_ a man's name to hide his crimes. Blackwall is giving one _back_ to atone.” I turned, leaving the barn and Blackwall to his thoughts. I crossed the courtyard to the Tavern, glancing around.

“Seer!” Krem called to me.

“Hello, Krem,” I said.

“How are you, my lady?” he asked. “How's the little one?” He reached out when I drew close enough, his hand rubbing my slightly distended stomach. 

“We're both well enough, though I'd kill for some apples,” I sighed.

“Can't help ya there,” he said.

“C'mon _Tevinter_ , use some blood magic,” I teased.

“Ugh, your jokes are as bad as cheif's,” he grumbled.

“Speaking of,” I said. “Where is he?”

“Right here, boss,” came a booming voice behind me. I twirled around and smiled at Bull who was draped over a chair. His eye took me in, no doubt wondering what I wanted. I notice Dalish and Rocky were nearby, playing cards while Skinner sharpened her sword and Stitches mixed something in a bowl with Grim handing him herbs. I walked toward the group, casting my eyes around for a seat. I found none, but Bull straightened and patted his massive thigh with a grin. I laughed softly and sat on his leg, perched like a child on a muscled thigh almost as big around as my diminishing waist.

“What's on your mind, Mom?” he asked, his index and middle finger massaging gentle circles in the middle of my back.

“I know you've gotten word from the Qunari that they want an alliance,” I said. His hand paused.

“And you want to tell me something about it,” he said.

“I do,” I hummed.

“What's that?” he asked.

“You've got a good group here,” I said, idly, slipping my arm around his massive shoulders. 

“I do,” he agreed, his one blue eye locked on me.

“It's amazing,” I said. “The loyalty you can inspire in them. But, loyalty rewards loyalty. You'd die for them. You gave your eye for a man you didn't even know.” Bull remained silent, his one eye trained on me, his chin stroked with the backs of his fingers, the sound of his stubble on the callouses flitting to my ears. His thick brows were furrowed but peeked a little as he considered me. I could see the myriad of scars that ran out from under the patch, twisting his skin.

“These men and woman would lay down their lives for you,” I went on. “They would _die_ for you.”

“They would,” he agreed.

“The question is, _will you need them to_?” I said.

“What have you seen, seer?” he asked in a perfectly calm voice.

“We all must choose our paths,” I said. “Some paths are easy, some paths are right. Will you need their lives for yours? Will you need their sacrifice? Would it be _worth_ it if you did?” He flicked the knuckle of his index finger against his chin. I looked at him sadly, hoping, praying, the Chargers returned with him. I couldn't imagine Skyhold without them.

“Why are you telling me this, Mom?” he asked in a low voice. 

“Because I'm hoping you'll make a choice that won't kill you,” I said cryptically. “I'm hoping, praying, that when you return, you return with _Iron Bull_ and not a _Liar_ *. I'm hoping that _Ashkaari_ ** didn't die when you became _Hisraad_.” He looked at me, carefully considering what I said, his Ben-Hassarath mind no doubt picking it apart for it's meaning, wondering what secrets I had given away. I rose to my feet, his hand slipping from my back and accidentally brushing the back on my thigh before he could move it. I turned slowly, moving to leave.

“Krem, would you give her that apple you've been hiding for her,” he said suddenly. Krem swore, glaring at the chief.

“I was gonna surprise her, arsehole!” he snapped before angrily pushing the fruit into my hand. I laughed, throwing an arm around the man and hugging him tightly, my heart so much lighter. I looked at Bull over Krem's armored shoulder and saw he hadn't moved from his position, but now a smile curled his lips. He gave me a slow nod and I somehow knew, he had given me the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hisraad-Liar.  
> ** Ashkaari- "One who thinks". A nickname given to Iron Bull when he was young.


	52. Wisdom Of A Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go. Sad stuff to follow. *sets box of tissues out*
> 
>  _words_ = Elvish

I walked into the Rotunda, seeing Solas sitting in his chair, sipping tea with a sour look on his face. My heart froze in my chest and I ran to the desk, slamming my palms down on the wood, scattering papers. Sola's blue eyes widened and he looked at me concerned.

“ _Little Heart?_ ” he asked.

“ _Wisdom's in trouble_!” I cried.

“ _Y-yes, I know_ ,” he said. “ _But...how do you..._ ”

“ _There's no time!_ ” I cried, grabbing his arm and tearing out of the room. “ _We have to go to the Exalted Plains!_ ”

“ _Little heart, what_ is is _?_ ” he asked, pulling me to a stop.

“ _We have to hurry or Wisdom is going to die!_ ” I yelled. His expression became severe and he bent down to look into my eyes.

“ _You're certain?_ ”

“ _Yes_!” I gasped, desperately. 

“ _I'll inform Gethorn,_ ” he said, dashing around me. I ran up to my room, throwing clothes into a bag.

“Baby, what are you doing?” Hawke asked from the desk where he had been writing letters and managing his finances.

“I have to go to the Exalted Plains,” I said in a rush.

“Woah!” he cried, rising quickly to his feet. “You're pregnant! You're not going _anywhere_!”

“I _have_ to, Garrett!” I cried, spinning to face him.

“Then I'm coming with you!” he snapped, grabbing his staff from it's resting place against the wall. He snatched up a bag of his own and began throwing things in it.

“When do we leave?” he asked. 

“As soon as we can,” I said. 

“I'll go have Dennet and some servants pack us rations and water,” he said, running out the door. I seized my staff and holster, quickly putting them on before throwing some of Hawke's other things in his bag. I called a servant to take them to the stables and dashed to Josephine's office. I told her where we'd be for the next couple days and then raced to the stables. Garrett, Gethorn, Blackwall, and Varric waited by the horses, strapping their things to the saddles.

“Baby, do you even know how to ride a horse?” Garrett asked.

“No better time to learn,” I declared, stepping into a stir-up and slinging my leg over the saddle.

“This is not happening,” Garrett groaned, smacking his forehead on the saddle of his horse.

“No, it's not,” Solas snapped.

“I'm coming with you, Fen'bae!” I cried.

“You'll not ride a horse,” he said. “You'll ride in the cart.” He pointed to a cart that was being filled with supplies for our trip and I rolled my eyes.

“I'll be faster on horseback!” I argued.

“Baby, get off the maker damned animal!” Garrett growled. “You are not putting _our_ kid in danger because you're stubborn!” My mouth dropped open. Garrett had never raised his voice to me. I watched as he walked to my side, holding out his arms for me, a scowl on his face. I reached out, taking his trembling hands and obediently sliding off the creature. He pulled me to him, crushing me to his chest and I could feel his heart thudding rapidly.

“Dammit, woman,” he grumbled. “You're gonna make me an old man. Please, _please_ don't do anything stupid. I don't even want you going on this trip, can we just take as many precautions as possible?”

“Of course,” I soothed, tilting my head back to kiss him. He guided me to the cart, helping me climb up and sit on the seat. In truth, the cart was small, no doubt made to only carry the essentials and travel quickly. 

It wasn't long before we were leaving Skyhold and I was urging the horses to go faster. It took almost two weeks to get to the Exalted Plains where we were forced to travel on foot since the rocky terrain didn't work for a group of horses. Once there, we left our horses with Harding and took one of the more agile mounts with us, strapped with our gear.  We trekked in the direction I gave, circling our destination on the map Harding handed us. I never realized just how hard these journeys were. It seemed like there was a constant supply of demons and bandits and it was in the Exalted Plains that I had my first real battle.

We had run across their camp by mistake, not even seeing it behind the massive rock formations that dotted the land. The whistle of an arrow flying past my ear had alerted me to the danger and I grabbed my staff, spinning it in my hand as I summoned a barrier, casting more on the others. Blackwall had banged on his shield, charging into the fray with Gethorn following while Varric, Solas and I fired at them from a distance. Garrett had been in the middle, casting spells and turning his staff to its blade side when someone got too close. I thought we had it figured out until the bandits began to break through our front defense. It became pandemonium and I dropped back when a man with daggers came at me. I cast one spell after another at him, but he dodged them nimbly, coming ever closer. I felt a blade slash across my arm and looked up, my eyes meeting with his. His face was covered by a cloth wrapped around it, leaving only his brown eyes exposed. I thought of how strange it was to see brown eyes in Thedas. Everyone seemed to have pale colored eyes like blue or green or amber. Long dark lashes rimmed them, making them appear even darker. There were no lines and I knew he was young, probably not much older than Gethorn. In slow motion, his dagger moved towards my belly and time seemed to stand still as I felt it kiss the flesh there. 

“NO!” I screamed, a blast of willpower flinging him back to the ground. My magic went haywire, arches of pure energy surrounding me. I spun my staff in my hand, turning to the blade as the boy got to his feet and charged me again. I thrust the blade forward and heard a sickening crack as it went through his chest, blood pouring from the wound. He slumped against my staff, the weight of him pushing me off balance so I fell to the ground.

Garrett cried out to me, but I ignored him, rising to my feet and attempting to jerk the blade free. It didn't move, so I dropped it, turning back to the battle. The bandits were bearing down on Garrett as he desperately fought to get to me. The others were occupied with their own battles, trying to fight back. Garrett's eyes glowed red as one of the men slashed at his face, splitting the skin on his cheek open. I slammed my hands into the ground, directing the torrent of power through the earth to the bandits and they screamed in pain, frozen as those they fought delivered a swift death thanks to the distraction.

“Baby,” Garrett panted, pulling his staff free from a corpse and turning to me. I looked at him, magic flickering in my palms.

“Return it, little heart,” Solas instructed. “You've taken too much power, return it to the Fade.” I looked at him, my head tilting as my adrenaline pumped mind tried to figure out what he spoke of. My eyes moved to my glowing hands and I suddenly understood. I opened the veil, letting the excess mana siphon from me, focusing on the feel of the earth beneath my feet, the smell of seawater, the taste of salt in the air. The power leeched from me and I looked down, seeing the dead boy at my feet, my staff still jutting cruelly from his chest. I tasted acid and before I could stop myself I was hunching over, emptying my stomach onto the dirt.

My mind raced as I pictured his eyes so clearly, the knowledge that he was just a child trying to survive in a world gone mad. I had never killed anyone. Yes, I had killed the Red Templar's at Haven, but they hadn't really been people, not anymore. Red Lyrium killed. They had been dead anyway, so I had soothed myself with that knowledge. Now a boy lay in a field, dead, with my staff in his heart.

Gentle hands pulled my hair back from my face, rubbing along my spine. I expected Garrett or Solas, but it was Varric's voice that murmured in my ear.

“That's it, let it out,” he said. “It's okay.”

“I _killed_ him,” I gasped between heaves. 

“It was you or him, kid,” he soothed. 

“He's a _baby_ ,” I hissed.

“ _You're_ someone's baby, too,” Varric said, handing me his water-skin. I rinsed my mouth out, turning from the gory sight.

“First one's always the hardest,” Garrett said as he handed me my staff. “But when it comes down to you or them...”

“I choose me,” I said. That was why I chose to be a seer, to save as many as I could, to stop those who would hurt or kill the ones I loved, to save this world. I couldn't back down just because seeing the light go out of a boy's eyes was hard. He made a choice to try and rob and murder us, his choice was wrong, mine was not.

“Mamae, your stomach,” Gethorn gasped. I looked down, seeing the top of my stomach was bleeding, a shallow gash splitting my shirt. I waved my hand over the wound, watching it close up, leaving a faint, pink scar. 

“ _Little heart_?” Solas asked.

“We don't have time,” I said. “I can have a crisis later.” I took my staff from Garrett and snapped it onto my holster, striding past everyone. I grabbed the mount's reins and started pulling him towards our destination. The others followed, watching me carefully. Garrett moved to my side, taking my arm and pulling me to a stop.

“Baby?” 

“We came here to save someone,” I said. “I'm not pussing out, now. Fuck those assholes. Jerks had it coming.” He smirked and made a sweeping motion with his arm.

“Yes, ma'am,” he said. “Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, posting the next chapter since it's short. Sorry about the picture. I'm not very good at drawing movement, usually, I can fake it better, but this required a lot of movement and it kind of fell short of my expectations. Blegh. Oh well.


	53. Spirit In The Sky

I ran over the rocks when I spotted the ruins, ignoring the corpses that littered the ground. The twisting spires of the summoning circle rose up harshly against the sea and I dropped the reins, pulling my staff from my back as I ran to it. I dodged around the mages who moved to stop me and began firing spells at the spires.

“What are you _doing_?” cried one of them. “You're going to set the demon free!”

“I'm going to release it!” I shouted.

“You can't!” he barked. “We've been trying to fight it-”

“You _summoned_ it!” I screamed, turning on him. “It was a spirit and you _summoned_ it and _bound_ it to you! You ordered it to _kill_! You _twisted_ its purpose and now _this_ is what it has become! This is _your fault_!” I shoved the man from me, firing more spells at the spires. Solas joined me, having caught on to what I was doing. Garrett ran to me, one powerful arm reaching out a seizing my staff so I slammed to a stop. The wind whipped his raven colored hair as wide golden eyes locked with mine.

“Baby, you can't release that thing!” he cried.

“I have to!” I said. “Without the circle, it will revert to its true form! It's not a demon!” Garrett stared at me, unsure, his amber eyes glancing from me to the demon, no doubt not wanting to risk me and the baby should I be wrong.

“Do you trust me?” I asked, urgently.

“What?”

“ _Do. You. Trust. Me_?” 

“Yes.”

“Then trust me now,” I said. “These morons made a spirit of wisdom kill, they perverted its purpose. If we unbind it, it won't be a demon _anymore_!” Garrett released my staff and drew his own, directing a powerful blast at one of the spires that shattered it. I smiled and ducked around him, dancing out of the demons reach and aiming another blast at a spire. The demon's hand slammed into my back and I was flung into a rock, my shoulder hitting the stone with a bone-jarring intensity. I looked up as the massive beast loomed over me, my eyes searching for my staff which had fallen from my grip. I spied it near the things feet and quickly rolled out of the way as its claws came down, digging massive gouges in the rock I had been against. My shoulder screamed in pain, but I ignored it, grabbing my staff and directing as much mana as I could into it, firing a blast at the last spire which had it exploding in a plume of dust just as a powerful claw came down on me. I clenched my eyes, ready for the blow, hoping I could withstand it. I now understood why Garrett had been against this and vowed not to leave Skyhold again until I had given birth. Orlais had taught me that I could control the battlefield from afar, but I had been desperate to do this for Solas.

The wind whistled between dagger-like claws as they drew ever closer.

Or did I do this to prove something to myself? Did I want to prove I was more than a seer, more than a mother? Did I want to prove to myself that I wouldn't be a burden on everyone?

The blow never came. Instead, a delicate hand caressed my cheek, the skin warm and sweet smelling. I opened my eyes and saw wisdom kneeling before my crouched form, a gentle smile on her lips.

“ _Thank you_ ,” she said. Tears filled my eyes as I reached for her, finding her skin solid, if frail.

“ _I'm sorry I couldn't save you,_ ” I said. “ _I tried...I just.._.”

“ _You were never meant to save me, little heart,_ ” she said. “ _This was always my fate._ ”

“ _If I had been faster...!_ ” I cried.

“ _You are not responsible for the actions of others,_ ” she said, sagely. Solas knelt by my side, his sad gaze locked on Wisdom. I wept as they talked, angry that I couldn't save her, angry that Solas had lost someone he loved. I watched as Wisdom faded away and rose to my feet, turning to the mages who had summoned her.

“You idiots!” I cried, dashing over and grabbing the leader by the front of his robes. “ _You_ did this to her! _You_ corrupted her!”

“I didn't know!” he cried, holding his hands up. “The book said-”

“The book was wrong!” I yelled, throwing him to the ground. 

“It's just a spirit!” he shouted.

“And so are you,” I hissed, my hands erupting in flames as my anger washed over me. They had played with magics they didn't understand and killed someone because of it. Their gross negligence had lead to Wisdom's death.

“ _Little heart, no,_ ” Solas said, grabbing my arm.

“ _They killed her_!” I exclaimed, spinning to face him and tearing my arm from his grip. 

“ _Yes, they did_ ,” he said. “ _But this is not your burden_.” He held out his hand and I watched as the mages were engulfed in flames. They died quickly and for that I was grateful.

“Damn them all,” Solas said. “I need to be alone. I will meet you all back at Skyhold.”

“Fen'bae?” I asked, putting my hand on his arm.

“No, Da'lath'in,” he said, pulling away. I watched as he walked away, not once looking back.

“Let's get you home, baby,” Garrett said gently, his hands resting on my shoulders in that way that meant he wanted to touch me more, but refrained so as not to make other uncomfortable. 

“Okay,” I said and let Garrett lead me back to the mount.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, Wisdom still died. What does that mean for Solas and our Seer? Will Solas be angry? Will he blame her? You'll find out tomorrow!


	54. Just The Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _words_ = Elvish....and the entire chapter is spoken in elvish. Sorry. At least you don't have to translate.

I sat on the couch in the Rotunda with my knees pulled up to my chin and my arms around them, waiting. I knew Solas would be arriving soon, scouts had sent word that they'd seen him and he would come here after he spoke with Gethorn. I stared at his desk, which had remained as he had left it. I hadn't even had the heart to take the old teacup back to the kitchen.

“Da'lath'in?” came a deep voice, but I didn't turn to look at him.

“ _Are you angry with me?_ ” I asked. He was silent, moving into the room and perching on the end of the desk.

“ _No_ ,” he said, calmly.

“ _Why not_?” I questioned.

“ _You tried to save it_ ,” he said. 

“ _I thought I had more time,_ ” I whimpered. “ _I'm so sorry. I failed._ ” I pressed my face into my knee's, tears slipping down my cheeks. A sob fell from my lips, followed by another and another until I was weeping openly.

“ _I'm sorry,_ ” I wailed. “ _I wanted to save her! I'm sorry!_ ” Gentle hands pulled my arms apart and urged my knee's down so I was left slumped over, crying. My head was tilted up and I looked wretchedly at Solas who smiled sadly.

“ _Rev-...Little heart_ ,” he murmured. “ _How many times must I tell you? You are not responsible for the actions of others._ ”

“ _But if I had told you sooner..._ ” I argued.

“ _Wisdom would still have been summoned and bound_ ,” he said. He slid next to me on the couch, wrapping an arm tightly around me. I pressed my face into his chest, sobbing openly. Eventually, I was cried out and Solas and I sat there, holding onto each other, his fingers carding through my hair as I fingered the jawbone necklace that rested on his chest.

“ _Tell me something_ ,” he mused.

“ _What_?” I asked, not looking at him.

“ _What were you like in your world_?” he asked. I stared up at him blankly, not sure of what he meant. I was me, the only differences being in the job I did and the people I knew. 

“ _Did falling through the rift effect you, change you in any way?_ ” he went on. “ _Your mind, your morals, your spirit?_ ”

“ _No_ ,” I said, slowly. “ _Not that I'm aware of. Why do you ask?_ ”

“ _You are...I have not met someone like you for many, many years,_ ” he said. “ _Your kindness, your compassion, your selflessness..._ ” I looked up at him, my fingers still playing with his jawbone necklace.

“ _You are pure, guileless yet show a subtle wisdom I have not seen in many ages,_ ” he went on.

“ _And you think I'm the shit_ ,” I teased. His lips twitched in a grin.

“ _Indeed_ ,” he said. “ _I wish I could see the world through your eyes_.”

“ _It's very bright and colorful_ ,” I said with a grin. He chuckled, his fingers caressing my belly, pausing at the flutter of movement. Something passed over his face, some expression I couldn't name, but it was gone before I could even be sure I had seen it at all.

“ _Are you going to leave when Corypheus is defeated?_ ” I asked, suddenly.

“ _I don't know_ ,” he said.

“ _You won't want to stick around and see your little wolfling?_ ” I questioned with a grin.

“ _Mine_?”

“ _Yes, Papa Wolf_ ,” I said, giggling. “ _Your little grand-wolf._ ” He laughed at this, hugging me tighter.

“ _I may not stay, but I will certainly_ come _visit you,_ ” he promised. 

“ _Good_ ,” I said. “ _Does this mean you won't destroy the world?_ ” Solas stiffened, his hand stilling on my back where he had been lightly trailing his fingers along my spine.

 _“I don't want to, Little Heart,_ ” he said, sadly. “ _I want to find a way to keep you safe._ ”

“ _Why_?” I asked.

“ _Because I love you_ ,” he said. “ _I think if I had ever had a child, she would have been like you. I would hope she would be like you. I can't...I can't bear to think of losing you..._ ” I looked up at him, seeing his blue eyes were shining with unshed tears. I moved to my knee's, pulling him into my arms and feeling him bury his face in my neck. He wrapped his arms around my ribs, holding me as tightly as he dared.

“ _I love you, Papa Wolf,_ ” I said. “ _I don't want the world to see you as a monster. I don't want you to lose anything. If you let me, I can try and help you bring down the veil in such a way that the world adjusts and thrives_.”

“ _What do you mean, my little heart?_ ” he asked.

“ _What if we find a way for it to slowly dissolve, over time?_ ” I suggested. “ _It might take a century, but it would give everyone a chance to slowly adjust._ ”

“ _That's not possible, little heart,_ ” he said, pulling back and stroking my cheek.

“ _You won't know until you try, Papa Wolf_ ,” I said. _“I think you will find a way if you really try.”_

“ _You have much faith in me, my sweet one_ ,” he said, his fingers trailing along my jaw to tilt my head up.

 _“We are all capable of great things if we wish_ ,” I said. He smiled at me affectionately and pressed a lingering kiss to my brow.

“ _Mamae_ ,” came Gethorns voice from the doorway. “ _Solas, are you guys coming to the fire?_ ” I looked out and saw the servants were lighting torches, signaling that night had fallen. I rose from the couch, offering my hand to Solas who took it, rising as well.

“ _We're coming, isha'lin,_ ” I called. Gethorn turned and walked towards the door and I took the chance to throw my arms around Solas once more, placing a loud, smacking kiss on his lips like I did with Madison. His eyes grew wide at this and his cheeks flushed.

“ _I love you, Papa Wolf,_ ” I said. Solas smiled as I took his hand, tugging him towards the courtyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, the plan was to save Wisdom. But I realized that was basically impossible. There was no way to stop the mages since you don't know when or really where they summon Wisdom. Any attempts to warn Wisdom would end the same. I literally couldn't think of a single scenario that would allow OC to save it. Booooo!


	55. Tattoo On My Shoulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting tonight because I won't get to until super late tomorrow.

Garrett pushed my skirt up as he massaged my legs, his fingers kneading the tattooed flesh.

“Woah, lemme see that,” Bull said, pointing to my leg. I grinned and stood, lifting my skirt to my hip and slowly turning my thigh so he could admire the massive phoenix on it. He looked at me as his hand hovered over it and I nodded, allowing his calloused fingers to map out the design. He traced the letter's, trying to sound them out.

“Ee...E taaayn...E taaiiin....” he murmured.

“E tan E epi tas,” I said, clearly.

“What does it mean?” he questioned.

“'This or on this',” I translated.

“You never did tell me the significance of the tattoo,” Solas remarked. I chuckled and returned to my seat, leaving my skirt bunched at my hip.

“In my world, there is a loooong dead civilization called the Spartans,” I explained. “For them, there was no more glorious death, than to die in battle. Men only got their names on their gravestones if they perished in battle and all men had an obligatory military stint that ended when they were thirty.”

“My kind of people,” Bull laughed, leaning forward so he could better hear me.

“Well, they carried these heavy bronze shields,” I went on. “And when they were going off to fight, their mothers would hand them their shields and say, 'E tan E epi Tas'. Literally, “This or on this”. Meaning they were to return home with their shield or dead, carried upon it.”

“Why?” Blackwall asked.

“You didn't drop your shield,” I said. “It wasn't just defense, it was a weapon for them. If they abandoned the battle and ran, they would be forced to drop it to get away faster. If you took the cowards way out, you were called 'Rhipsaspides' or Shield droppers and you were publicly executed. In fact, it was such a shame, that your family joined in your execution so your cowardice wouldn't taint them as well.” I pointed to the bird with a grin. "In my world, this is a Pheonix. It's a mythical bird that is said to be able to carry very heavy loads and is most associated with rebirth. When a phoenix dies, it bursts into flame and burns to ashes, then from the ashes it is reborn."

“So, why did you get it tattooed on yourself?” Garrett asked, spitting into the fire and coughing slightly.

“The Pheonix represents rising from the ashes, overcoming all the shit I've had to trudge through,” I said. “He holds my shield which bears a compass to point me on my path. He holds the chains of the life I broke free from, the things I've overcome. He reminds me that I don't abandon my path, I don't take the cowards way out and drop my shield because it's easy. I chose the kind of person I wanted to be, it's not easy but it was what was right for me. I shouldn't abandon that.”

“I like that,” Cullen hummed. 

“What of the other tattoo's, da'lath'in?” Solas asked.

“You have more?” Bull asked with a grin. “I wanna see.” I shrugged and stood, tugging at the skirt of my dress. Garrett reached out and grabbed my hands, stopping me.

“My love,” he cooed. “As much as I love seeing you naked, please don't strip in the courtyard.”

“I have to lift my skirt to show them,” I said. “I'm wearing smalls.” He rolled his eyes and released me, watching as I lifted my skirt over my belly, showing the stomach tattoo as well as the one on my thigh. When I was sure everyone had seen them, I shrugged my sleeve off, exposing the dragon on my arm which had Bull cheering.

“What do those mean?” Fenris asked.

“The one on my other thigh is the Egyptian God Bes,” I said. “He was the protector of home and hearth and helped mothers in labor as well as watched over children. The one on my stomach is an ancient design made to keep a child's soul in the womb to prevent stillbirths. I got it to cover the stretch marks, as well. The one on my back in a religious symbol with vines and the roses because they're mine and my grandfather's favorite flower. The runes are just protection symbols and the like.”

“What about the dragon?” Garrett asked.

"Dragon's are strong, powerful. In my world, many cultures revere them. They're protectors, holy beings, directly linked to the gods. And in Chinese astrology, I was born the year of the dragon."

“Some people see the body as a temple,” Sebastion said, eyeing my tattoos.

“My body is the temple which houses my soul,” I said. “Why not paint the walls?” Solas laughed at this, shaking his head.

“Ma da'lath'in,” he chuckled. “Paint the walls to your heart's content.”

“I was thinking of getting one on my other arm,” I mused.

“What would it be?” Garrett asked.

“I don't know,” I said. “Something to signify my new life here.”

“Maybe an Inquisition symbol,” Blackwall suggested.

“You could get my family's coat of arms,” Garrett said with a grin.

“Get a Mabari,” Cullen said.

“If I get a Mabari Tattoo, it's going on my butt,” I laughed.

“Oh sweet maker, why?” the ex-templar asked.

“'Cause when I moon Garrett...” I began, only for said man to grab me.

“I do not want to look at your lovely arse and see my fucking dog,” he said, pulling me into his lap.

“Awwwwe, why not?” I asked with a grin.

“No, baby,” he said. “Just please don't.”

“Fiiine,” I sighed. “Spoilsport. Can I get your crest tattooed on my ass?”

“Oh please, no,” he groaned as everyone laughed. “Why does it have to be on your ass?”

“Lots of room?” I suggested.

“Can it stay a blank canvas?” he requested. “I like your butt like it is.”

“Very well,” I sighed like it was a chore. “I do need a tattoo, though.” I was suddenly struck by an idea and turned to Solas who was watching us with great amusement.

“Fen'bae,” I cooed. “You love me, right?” He arched a brow at this, leaning back.

“You know I do, da'lath'in,” he said.

“Will you design my new tattoo?” I asked, looking at him pleadingly. His eyes grew wide and his lips parted in shock.

“I...are you sure, little heart?” he asked.

“Of course,” I said. “It's why I asked.” His gaze softened and he gave me a tender smile.

“I would be honored, ma fenlin,” he said.

“Awwwe, father-daughter bonding,” Varric gushed. Solas looked over at Varric, scowling. Varric smirked at him, bracing one elbow on his leg.

“Look, Chuckles,” he began. “We all know how attached you are to our Seer. You act like you're her Dad the same way she acts like the Inquisitors Mom. And I've heard her call you 'Papa Wolf'.” Solas's lips curled slightly in a smile, his gaze moving to Garrett.

“You know what that means, Champion?” he asked.

“What's that?” Garrett asked, leaning back against the log. “Am I not good enough for your little girl?”

“In truth, no one is,” Solas teased. “But no, that is not what I was going to say.”

“Fen'bae,” I warned. Solas's grin broadened, his teeth peeking out from between his lips.

“If you hurt her, I will hunt you to the ends of the world,” he said. 

“You won't be the only one, Chuckles,” Varric snorted.

“Does this count for when she gets all hormonal and throws things at me?” Garrett asked.

“I have not thrown stuff at you!” I cried affronted.

“Not yet,” he said. I felt the gentle flutter of movement and gasped.

“Your son is doing back-flips,” I said. His face broke out into an excited grin and his hand moved to my stomach.

“That's my boy!” he gushed. “Kick Mommy's bladder and make her pee herself!” I slapped his chest while everyone laughed.

“You're a beast,” I huffed.

“I'm hairy like one,” he said, pulling down the neck of his shirt to expose his chest hair.

“I've still got more on ya, Hawke,” Varric chuckled.

“There are bears that don't have as much chest hair as you, Varric,” I said. Bull laughed loudly, slapping his thigh at that while Varric leered at me.

“You know you love it, Seer,” he said.

“Yup, get's me all hot and bothered,” I said, flippantly. “Though I like Garrett's more. Raaawr!” I slipped my hand under my lover's shirt, dragging my nails lightly over his chest so he made a low rumbling sound in the back of his throat. He tilted his head down to look at me, grinning.

“I was thinking,” he began.

“Did it hurt?” I asked. The circle erupted in laughter at this, even Garrett hanging his head and chuckling.

“Pain in my ass!” he declared even as he smiled.

“Sorry, it just came out.”

“Yes, well,” he said. “There's a place in Kirkwall, it has all kinds of schematics and supplies that the Inquisition could use.”

“The Black Emporium?” I asked. He nodded his head slowly, his eyes twinkling.

“I know Fenris and Sebastion are looking to return home,” he began, twisting a strand of my hair around his finger. “And I was thinking...”

“You want me to travel with you to the Black Emporium to get these schematics and so you can show me to your friends and family?” I finished.

“Damn, she saw right through me,” Garrett sighed. “But yes. If your dad will let you go.” He cast Solas a teasing smirk, though I knew the underlying question he was asking was if I was able to travel.

“As long as she stays off horseback,” Solas said.

“Won't we need our Seer, though?” Cullen asked.

“Not for anything Major for a few months,” I said. “We dealt Corypheus a devastating blow at the Winter Palace. He's regrouping and that will take time.”

“I don't like it,” Cullen said.

“Well, here's where I step in,” Dorian said. “Being part of the Inquisition means I have access to all kinds of fun toys.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out two gold lockets which bore curling designs etched into the faces.

“These are Sending Crystals,” he said.

“Yes!” I cried. “Dorian, that's perfect! You're a genius!”

“What is a Sending Crystal?” Cullen asked, confused. I stood, taking the lockets from Dorian and handing one to Cullen.

“It lets us talk to each other over great distances,” I said. “This way we can still communicate.”

“How does it work?” Cullen asked, taking the one I handed him and looping it around his neck. I spent the next hour showing him how to work them, with Dorian helping out. I had fun running to different parts of Skyhold and talking into it, hearing Cullen's voice talking back with Garrett stealing it at one point to whisper dirty things to me. Eventually, I was exhausted, unable to descend the steps again for fear I would fall. Garrett retrieved me and I bid everyone goodnight into the crystal, yawning as I did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's off to Kirkwall for the Hawke family. Yay!


	56. Travelling Shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is so much stuff coming up, it's insane. The baby's birth, the conclusion to some of the 'Quests', the Temple of Mythal. So much. And at the end of it all, I maaaay have a surprise for you guys. If my muse behaves.  
>  _words _= Elvish__

The trip to Kirkwall wasn't bad. Madison had been excited to come along when I had asked, rushing off to get his things, anxious to see it. The Journey only took us around two weeks to make it on horses and with my little carriage. As we traveled, I realized something. This would be the last time I would ever travel pregnant. At five months, I was getting too far along to do so comfortably and with most of our roads being dirt, my back and hips throbbed in pain after enough time bouncing in the unforgiving wooden seat. Garrett had found a traveling merchant and traded some Lyrium for a plush cushion that I fell in love with. The act had surprised me. I had tried to keep my discomfort under wraps, not wanting him to feel guilty about the trip. When he had gotten it and slid it under me, I had pulled him into the cart and kissed him in a way that had our entire party telling us to get a room. Varric had come along, not wanting our party to only have Hawke for skilled protection on the journey back. While Madison had become very good with a bow and accompanied Gethorn on a few trips, Varric had insisted on going for the added protection on the return journey. 

Nothing in the games could have prepared me for what Kirkwall truly looked like. Garrett had warned me not to go near the Gallows, to stay with him at all times and never ever venture into Darktown. I had been slightly upset about the paranoia, but seeing it for myself, it made sense. 

Red Lyrium grew wildly in the Gallows, centering on where Meredith had fallen. Beggers roamed the streets, prostitutes at almost every corner. I had climbed off the carriage, anxious to shake my legs when I felt a hand on my rump, groping my sore muscle through my breeches, making me cry out in pain and shock.

“Get your _fucking_ hands _off_ her!” Fenris had snarled, grabbing the mans arm and breaking it. The man had screamed, quickly running off while I stared in shock. I wasn't surprised I had gotten groped, considering the leering looks I was getting, it was expected. I just hadn't thought Fenris would react like that and spring to my defense. He had always been slightly distant from me, wary of me being a mage and a seer. 

He turned to me, green eyes concerned as he gripped my shoulders gently.

“Are you alright?” he had asked. I nodded silently, at a loss for words.

“You shocked a seer, Broody, congrats!” Varric had laughed, making Garrett nudge him hard.

“You ruined their moment, Varric!” he had chided. “Maker's ass.”

“Oops, my mistake,” Varric apologized. “Continue.”

“I'm fine, thank you,” I said, sincerely. Fenris had flushed, coughing nervously.

“You're...you're welcome,” he said. Garrett had bid farewell to our companions, taking me to his home after giving Madison a detailed map to find it. Madison wanted to go to the Hanged Man with Varric, anxious to see it and Varric had promised to escort him to the home to Hightown when I had fretted over my friend. 

I noticed that the closer we got to his home, the more nervous Garrett became. When we were down the road from it, he stopped me, scratching the back of his head.

“Look, it's an old family home and I haven't been there a lot,” he said. “If you want to move, we can. It's really just a house.”

“I'm sure it's fine, love,” I soothed.

“I just...I'm not sure what you're used to in your world,” he said.

“Garrett,” I laughed. “It'll be _fine_.” He nodded and sighed, leading me into the house where Orana greeted us eagerly, trying to hold Hawke's Mabari back. I had knelt down, telling her to let the dog go and watching as he had bounded to me, his tail wagging so hard his entire bottom was shaking. He had licked my face eagerly, moving to jump on me but stopped by Garrett's harsh order. The mabari, named Dog oddly enough, had sniffed me carefully, showing a particular interest in my belly. Orana had greeted me shyly, her eyes locked on my stomach.

“Master told me, but I still can't believe it,” she had gushed. “A baby! Oh, I've been hoping he would get married and have a baby! I miss babies! And you're just as beautiful as he said. I hope...” Here she paused, looking at me uncertainly.

“What, dear?” I asked, gently.

“I hope you let me remain here to help you,” she said. “I understand if you don't...I just...”

“Orana,” I said in a tender voice. “You're not going anywhere unless you want to. You don't have a thing to worry about, sweetness.” She had flushed and her large eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Oh, thank you, Mistress!” she had cried. “I promise I'll work hard! I won't let you down!” I laughed at this, shaking my head.

“I don't want you to worry about your place here, Orana,” I insisted. “You don't need to impress me. I'm really very easy to please. You already do a wonderful job, so please don't fret.”

“Y-yes, mistress,” she stammered, eyes shining with tears. "I...I had hoped you would let me remain. Serah Hawke is one of the kindest Masters I have ever had."

"Only way you're leaving is if you want to," I assured her, pulling her into a gentle hug.

After I had greeted Dog and Orana, I had been shown the residence and was amazed. The game had truly not done it justice. What was a quaint, if lovely home in the game was a large, gorgeous mansion in real life. The foyer was decorated sparsely but seemed to serve as a mudroom, with stone benches and ornate torches on the walls. The main room was large, the staircase hugging the one wall where the Library door was. The main room had several chairs before the fireplace, with a desk to one side piled with mail. Sideboards with decorative pieces that looked to cost as much as a horse littered them with grand paintings on the walls. The library was twice the size it was in the game, bookshelves lining the walls, filled with tomes on every subject possible. There was another door off the main room that led to a grand dining room dominated by a massive table that could easily seat the advisers, inner circle and chargers should we need to. Attached to that was a kitchen with all the amenities a modern kitchen in this world could have. A door in the kitchen led to the Cellar, which Garrett had only shown me briefly. Up the stairs, a long hallway with doors on either side led to the Master bedroom which was massive with its four poster bed, fireplace with two chairs in front of it and single armoire with a desk against the wall. The others rooms had belonged to Leandra and Boudhan and Sandal, Garrett had explained. Orana slept in the servants quarters off the kitchen despite the insistence that she was free to take Boudhan and Sandals old room. Garrett still didn't have the heart to touch his mother's old room. Garrett had nattered on nervously as I explored, telling me I could change anything I wanted, he wasn't sure what room I wanted to be the baby's, I just had to tell him what furniture I wanted and he would get it. After I had arrived in the Master Bedroom, the last leg of my journey around the mansion, I had turned and kissed him to shut him up.

“Get pale blue curtains and it'll be perfect,” I said.

“Really?” he asked. “You like it?”

“Darling, it's massive! It's beautiful,” I said. “It's nicer by far than any place I've ever lived. Stop worrying. I would love it if it was a little farmhouse. I don't care about the money or pretty things. I love you, I don't need anything else.” He smiled, pulling me close and tucking a windblown strand of hair behind my ear.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I am,” I said. “If I'm not, I'll let you know.”

“I'll need to get another closet,” he mused. “And baby furniture, holy shit. I'll have Orana get some catalogs.” Catalogs in Thedas had surprised me, but with so much travel, it seemed reasonable. In place of photographs, detailed drawings with descriptions showed merchandise and what colors or fabrics could be used. 

“What room is closest to ours?” I asked. “I want that one for the baby.” Garrett looked uncomfortable for a moment before answering;

“My mother's.”

“Then we'll use another room,” I had said, easily. Garrett was silent for a time, twisting my hair around his fingers.

“No,” he said firmly. “We'll use hers. A door connects the rooms and she would have wanted it that way. I can't keep a shrine to her like I have been.” I smiled gently, caressing his cheek as his eyes watered.

“We can do it _together_ ,” I said. “We'll clean out her room, pack her things up for now and redecorate for the baby.”

“Thank you,” Garrett said, hugging me tightly. “We'll be here for at least two weeks. I want you to get some rest before we make the trip again.”

“Of course, love,” I said. “Can I make one teeny tiny request?”

“Of course you can, baby,” he said with a smile.

“Can we get a smaller table in the dinning room?” I asked. “That thing is way too big for every day.”

“Absolutely!” he declared. “It's actually a couple tables pushed together. We can take it apart and put the other tables in the cellar. I always hated that fucking thing. Never needed such a big one.”

“Thank you, love,” I said. “You may be a noble, but I'm not. I'd be just as happy running around barefoot in common clothes.”

“Well, if it makes you happy, I won't say 'no',” he chuckled. “Now, why don't you rest a bit before dinner?” I looked towards the bed then back at my husband.

"Will you lay down with me?" I asked shyly. Garrett grinned, bending down and kissing me.

"Of course I will, my love," he said. I climbed into the massive bed, smiling as Garrett climbed on after me, leaning down and kissing my stomach sweetly. He moved to crawl higher up on the bed, but paused when I gave a grunt as our son kicked me.

"Oh come on, son," I groaned. "I want a nap." Garrett arranged himself on his belly, his hands stroking my distended abdomen as he pushed up my tunic and placed gentle kisses on the tight skin. While were were traveling, Garrett was forced to restrict his habbitual belly worship since I was sore and often didn't feel like laying on my back on the hard ground. I watched in amusment as he closed his eyes, pressing tender kisses along my stomach.

"Behave, son," he cooed. "Your mother's tired." I carded my fingers through my lover's hair, noting how long it was getting. Garrett nuzzled my belly, his calloused fingers tracing along the tattoo.

"My son," he sighed happily. I giggled, lightly dragging my nails along his scalp so he shivered.

"You have such a pregnancy kink," I teased. His eyes opened and my breath hitched when I saw they were almost completely black, the pupil having expanded so only a thing ring of gold showed.

"You have no idea," he said, his voice husky. "You're pregnant with my child. It's a piece of me...in you...growing...." He moved up my body, gently kissing my covered breast. "I can't wait to see you nurse. It'll be so fucking hot. I hope you nurse as long as possible." I chuckled, pulling him up to kiss him sweetly.

"I will have to go off and fight," I said. "So I'll be weening our son as soon as possible."

"No," Garrett complained. "Don't. Can't you just...make it so he doesn't really need them but can still suckle?" I looked at his pouting face and sighed.

"Fine." Garrett grinned and kissed me before laying down beside me.

"Get some sleep, my love," he said, pulling me to him, tucking me into his side as much as my belly would allow. "Aveline will probably be here tomorrow. She's anxious to meet you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrett has a serious pregnancy and lactation kink. Which will, very thoroughly, be explored later. Tee hee. I was tempted to add a sex scene here, but I thought it would be realistic since our girl would more than likely not feel like having sex after traveling. A long car ride is miserable when you're preggers, I can't imagine the special kind of hell a carriage ride for two weeks would be. But there will be lots of sex later.


	57. I don't care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting tonight because I have an early shift tomorrow.

I walked down the stairs in my nightgown, grunting as the baby kicked me.

“Stop it, son,” I hissed. “I'm getting food. _Stop kicking my kidney_!” There was a gentle flow of laughter from the main room and I looked up to see Aveline standing there with Donnic, both of them watching me closely. Donnic was a handsome enough man, with shoulder-length brown hair and chocolate eyes set in a strong face. He had those weird mutton chop like things on the sides of his face, though he seemed broader than the game had shown. Aveline was truly much prettier than the games showed. Fiery red hair flowed over her shoulders, held back by the band around her head. Grass green eyes surrounded by long brown lashes stared at me, taking me in with curiosity. Her face was square, though softer than the games showed with a smattering of flattering freckles on her nose and cheeks. She was broad-shouldered with a powerful, yet feminine build that made her intimidating but didn't take away from her beauty.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning Aveline, Donnic,” I greeted. “It's a pleasure to meet you.”

“Maker's breath,” Donnic swore.

“So you really are a seer,” Aveline said. “Or Hawke told you about us.” I grinned, stopping at the bottom of the stairs when Dog bounded towards me, rubbing his head into my hand.

“Your first gift to Donnic was a copper piece with a picture of Marigolds,” I said. “You were going to give some sheaves of wheat and goats to his mother before Garrett talked you out of it.” Aveline flushed, her eyes wide.

“Point proven,” she coughed. I heard Garrett laughing from the upstairs balcony as he looked down at us, dressed in only a pair of sleep pants and a robe.

“Told ya, Avi,” he said. He jogged down the steps, taking my hand and guiding me to a chair.

“Are my baby's hungry?” he asked, looking at me adoringly.

“Your son is using my kidney as a kickboard,” I grumbled.

“Hey now,” Garrett scolded, putting a hand on my belly and bending down so his lips were by it. “Be nice to your Mama. She's tired from the trip.”

“I'm fine,” I said.

“I'm making breakfast, Mistress,” Orana said, coming out of the dining room. “Will you be joining us Lord and Lady Hendyr?”

“If you don't mind,” Aveline said, looking at me.

“Not at all,” I said. “I'll go change into some actual clothes.” I rose to my feet, swaying when the world tilted dangerously. Garret called to me, Orana rushing over to my side as well. I gripped my lover's arm tightly, waiting while the ground righted itself.

“I'm fine,” I said, waving Orana away. “I'm fine. I just stood up too fast. I'm alright.”

“Are you sure?” Garrett asked, worriedly.

“I promise, love. I just need to eat.”

“I'll help you change,” Garrett said, guiding me towards the stairs, calling out to Aveline and Donnic that we would be back in a bit. In the bedroom, Garrett sat me on our bed and picked out my clothes, choosing a red gown with a scoop neck and long sleeves that ended in points at the back of my hands. Gold stitching under the breast made a barrier between the top and the amble skirt that allowed for my growing stomach. It was his favorite dress of mine. He had told me he loved the color on me and the way the neck showed the top of my breast. I let him help me change, waiting as he pulled on a pair of black breeches and a dark blue tunic with gold trim around the neck and sleeves.  
We went back down the stairs, finding Aveline and Donnic sitting at the smaller table in the dining room, waiting for us.

“Did Madison come home last night?” I asked Garrett as I took a seat. He gave me a goofy grin, looking at me affectionately.

“You called it 'home',” he said dreamily. I giggled, laying my hand on his as he sat down.

“Love, did he?”

“No,” Garrett said. “He and Varric probably got wasted and ended up sleeping at the Hanged Man.” I rolled my eyes and dug into the breakfast Orana put in front of us. It was scrambled eggs with bacon and pancakes, a teapot in the middle of the table, though Orana had put a glass of milk beside my plate.

“Master Hawke said you hate tea,” she had explained nervously when I looked at her surprised.

“Thank you, dear,” I said. “It looks delicious.” We had dug in, the atmosphere slightly awkward as Aveline and Donnic weren't sure what to make of me.

"I don't bite," I told them with a laugh. "You can ask me almost anything."

" _Liar_ ," Garrett snorted.

"They can!" I protested, scowling at him.

"Not _that_ part," he laughed, waving his hand. "The part where you don't bite. You very much _do_ bite and I have the marks to prove it."

"Want more?" I purred.

"Do _you_?" Garrett asked, arching a brow.

"Don't threaten _me_ with a good time, my dearest love," I cooed. Donnic snorted into his tea and reared back, coughing.

"Sorry, Donnic," I laughed.

" _Liar_ ," Garrett repeated with a smirk. I batted my lashes at him, blowing him a kiss.

" _Maybe_ ," I admitted. “I still love you.” Garrett took my hand, swallowing the food in his mouth before placing a loud kiss on the back of it.

“ _Ar lath ma,_ Vhenan _,_ ” he said. I beamed.

“Where did you learn that?” I asked, breathlessly.

“I had Solas teach me,” he said, blushing.

“Awe, sweety,” I said, touching my chest with my free hand.

“I missed something,” Donnic said, looking between us. “Isn't that elvish?”

“Mhm,” Garrett hummed. “She's fluent.”

“Are you elf-blooded?” Aveline asked.

“No, Avi,” Garrett chuckled. “She's from a different world, remember? She learned it from a friend of hers.”

“Why?” Donnic asked, curiously. Garrett looked at me questioningly. Though he liked when I spoke elvish to him, finding the foreign language flowing from my lips to be erotic, he had never asked why I learned it.

“I just wanted to,” I said. “It sounds so lovely and it opens up many doors for me. I can read it, speak with elves, talk shit about you to Solas or Gethorn.” Garrett chuckled, kissing my hand again.

“Well, I'm not complaining,” he said.

“So, what are your plans with Garrett?” Aveline asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Garret groaned and glared at Aveline.

“Avi, you're not my mother,” he bit out.

“I'm just asking,” she huffed.

“Ohhh,” I said, catching on to what she was saying. “You want to know my plans for the future. Well...” I paused, tapping my finger against my chin as if I were thinking.  
“I was thinking, have his kid, wait a few years, maybe have another, maybe a few, grow old and ornery together and one day die. Sound good to you, love?”

“Sounds like a plan, beautiful,” Garrett agreed.

“Have you two thought of a name for the baby?” Donnic asked.

“Malcolm,” I said automatically. Garrett 's head whipped in my direction, golden eyes wide.

“ _Really_?” he asked.

“If that's alright,” I said, remembering that I had never talked it over with Garrett.

“It's _perfect_ ,” he sighed blissfuly, pulling my hand up and kissing my wrist. His lips trailed along my inner arm, teasing the skin as he moved to my elbow.

“Garrett, my love?”

“Yes,” he asked in a low voice.

“We have an audience, darling,” I pointed out. Garrett looked over to where Aveline and Donnic were eating, politely ignoring us.

“Oh right,” he coughed, sitting back in his chair. “Sorry about that.” Donnic chuckled while Aveline shook her head.

“Well, it's clear to see you love each other,” Aveline said.

We finished eating, chatting comfortably as we did. When Malcolm had become restless, Aveline had offered to take me on a little walk around the area. Garrett had eyed her, suspicious about her motives, but Donnic had convinced him it was fine.

Aveline and I wandered around Hightown, passing merchants selling wares and a few beggars who she quickly shooed back to Lowtown.

“I was told it was you who told Madam Josephine to use her connections to help deal with the Red Lyrium and encourage Sebastion to aid us,” she said.

“It was,” I said. “Was that wrong?”

“N-No,” she stammered. “I wanted to thank you.”

“Oh, you're welcome.”

“What's it like?” Aveline asked. “Being a Seer?”

“I'm glad I can help, but I'll be happy to just be normal old me when it's all over,” I sighed.

“How do you know it will end?”

“Because I'm a Seer,” I replied with a grin that made her smile. “Once Corypheus is gone and everything is settled, I'll just be a mage. It's hard knowing that no matter what I do, I can't save everyone. No matter how hard I try, pain always comes.”

“Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“What would that be, dear?” I questioned.

“If Wesley had survived...” she began, stopping as a thoughtful look crossed her face, almost as if she was trying to think of how to word her question.

“He wouldn't have.”

“But if he _had_...” she tried and I pulled her to a stop, turning to face her.

“Aveline,” I began, taking her hands. “I only see different possible futures. Wesley was _never_ going to live. It wasn't a possibility so I _cannot_ tell you what future you would have had with him. He was meant to die. I'm sorry.” She scrubbed at her eyes with the heel of her hand, giving me a small smile.

“Thank you,” she said. “You could have made something up, but you told me the truth.”

“It would have been unfair to tell you a pretty story,” I said.

“I'm glad Garrett found you,” she said. “He hasn't been happy since his mother died. Today was the first time I really saw him smile.”

“I have no idea why he loves me, but I adore him,” I said. “He's...he's so wonderful. He always thinks of me and treats me like a princess.” Aveline giggled, looping her arm around mine.

“His humor doesn't bother you?”

“ _Bother_ me?” I said incredulously. “I love it! He cracks me up!” She laughed, shaking her head.

“He's _never_ serious!” she argued, exasperated.

“He is,” I said. “When it matters, he is. But the rest of the time, I love how he makes me laugh. You should see him dance for me. I almost _peed_ myself!” Aveline and I traded stories about Garrett and Donnic, giggling as we did. We made our way back to the house, pausing when we heard arguing in the main room.

“It's not up for debate, Iz!” Garrett snapped.

“ _C'mon_ , Garrett,” a feminine voice cooed. “Rivani is lovely this time of year.” Aveline scowled and made to pull me back outside. I stopped her, sauntering into the main room where Garrett and a dark-skinned woman I recognized as Isabella faced off. Donnic was standing off to the side, unsure of what to do while Orana fretted by the dining room.

“We're back,” I announced in a cheery voice. Everyone turned to us and I smiled as if it was completely normal to walk into a verbal argument between my lover and a woman he had told me was infatuated with him.

“Welcome back, baby,” Garrett said, turning from Isabella and walking over to me. His hand cupped my stomach as he kissed me, stroking the tight skin there.

“Is Malcolm calm now?” he questioned.

“He is,” I said. “His Auntie Aveline was a _very_ relaxing presence and now he's asleep.” Aveline flushed with pleasure at this, her green eyes glimmering.

“This is her?” Isabella asked, shocked. “You're kidding.”

“Isabella,” Garrett addressed with a tight smile. “Meet the Inquisition's Seer, the mother of my child and my future wife.” I dipped her a half curtsy, plastering a smile on my lips.

“It's a pleasure to meet you,” I said. Isabela rolled her eyes.

“Please,” she snorted. “No, it's not. I know what you 'seers' really are and...”

“Naishe*,” I interrupted. Isabela froze, looking at me with wide eyes.

“How...” she stammered.

“Let me cut this little tirade short before it begins,” I said, sternly. “I know you think I'm a 'Seer' the same way your mother was. A woman who cons people, steals their shit and doesn't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. I'm not. I love Garrett. Personally, life would be a little easier if he wasn't a noble, but I love him nonetheless. I really don't give a shit if you like me, Naishe, _I'm not fucking you_. So you can stand in the sitting room and throw a tantrum, but the rest of us are going to sit by the fire, talk, possibly crack a few jokes and eat some of whatever Orana made that smells so good. You are more than welcome to join us or you can keep stomping your feet and screaming. Your choice, but I give _zero_ fucks either way. Orana, can you get me some water, please?” Orana jumped at being addressed so suddenly and scurried off to do as I asked. I walked past Isabela, my head held high and sat in one of the chairs by the fire. Garrett rushed to my side, helping me take my slippers off and rubbing my feet.

“Did you girls have fun?” he asked, a grin tugging at his lips.

“We did,” I said, looking to Aveline who smiled warmly at me. Orana returned with a glass of water and I drained it quickly.

“Your son liked his little walk,” I said, rubbing my belly.

“Do you know it's a boy because you're a seer?” Isabela asked in a low voice.

“No,” I said easily. “I can't see my own future. I just...know. Well, I hope I do. If it's a girl, we can't name her Malcolma. That sounds _terrible_.”

“We could name her 'Leandra',” Garrett suggested.

“Then we will,” I said, simply. “Malcolm for a boy, Leandra for a girl.”

“There's no one you want them named after?” Garrett asked. I rubbed my stomach, my hand smoothing over the tight skin.

“Malcolm Arthur Hawke,” I said. “Or Leandra Marilyn Hawke.”

“Who were they?” Garrett asked.

“My Grandparents,” I said. “My Grandparents loved me, doted on me. When everything came to light...I went to live with them for awhile. I wasn't the easiest kid, but they were always patient with me.”

“They sound like fine names,” Aveline said. “Good, strong names.” Garrett kissed me, his tongue sliding into my mouth as his lips moved against mine. I pulled him close, wrapping my arms around him as his hands smoothed over my back, holding me tenderly.

“I love you,” I said. He grinned.

“Ar lath ma, Vhenan.” I giggled, squirming with excitement.

“I love hearing you say that,” I gushed, bumping his nose with mine.

“I love hearing you speak elvish,” he said.

“Min vindhru?” I asked. “Ar ame shathe. Ady ar dirtha sal.” (Is that so? I'm glad. Should I say more?)

“My love,” Garrett cooed, kissing along my neck. “We have guests. Behave.” I smirked, moving close so my lips brushed along his, my fingers stroking the beard I loved so much.

“Neran ihn bre’palas, i vallasan bredhas i’ma’da’vin,” I whispered, nipping at his lower lip. (I like it when you fuck me deep and paint my insides with your cum.)

Garrett took a deep, shuttering breath, his hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair until his knuckles turned white.

“What does that mean?” he asked, his voice rough. I grinned, moving my lips to his ear, nipping the lobe as I whispered the meaning to him. He groaned, grabbing the back of my neck and jerking me to him, his tongue plundering my mouth. He pulled away suddenly, jumping to his feet and storming outside.

“Hawke?” Aveline asked, confused.

“I need a _minute_!” he called from the now open door. “ _Whew_! I just... _dammit_ woman!”

“What did you _say_ to him?” Isabela asked, a dark brow arched.

“I told him I wanted him to fuck me and cum in me,” I said with a mischievous smile. Isabela eyed me for a moment, honey-colored eyes taking me in before her lips curled into a grin.

“I like you,” she said, suddenly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “Even though I took Hawke?”

“He was never mine, sweet thing,” she said. “We had one night that neither of us cared to repeat. I thought I was in love with him, but I was wrong. I love him as a friend. We'd be disastrous together. I was just worried you were taking advantage of him." Garrett returned, flushed and slightly sweaty. His golden gaze landed on me and I could see his lust brimming in it.

“Tonight, you're in _trouble_ ,” he growled.

“Oh yes, _please_ ,” I purred. He smirked and pulled me to my feet, swatting my bottom.

“ _Minx_!” he huffed. We laughed at this, moving on to other conversation topics, though Garrett made me sit in his lap so he could tease me with light touches that appeared accidental to the untrained eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naishe- Isabela's actual birth name given to her by her mother. 
> 
> Next chapter will be naughty. Actually....the next couple chapters will be naughty. <.<


	58. Hurt So Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings**  
>  Sex, spanking, breaking down walls, a little light BDSM, etc.  
> And apparently tons of spelling errors. Go figure. If anyone would like to volunteer to be my beta, let me know. But I'm basically a one-woman army with RL full-time job. There's going to be errors. I do the best I can. I actually got that 'Grammarly' program on my web browser but...meh. It leaves a lot to be desired and really isn't a replacement for an actual person who can understand the context of a sentence. Not to mention it goes bonkers over the Elvish words.

I slipped into the bedroom, sighing as I retrieved a nightgown. It had been a busy day and I was tired. Madison had come back to the house, taking up the room Bodhan and Sandal had used when they lived here. He had told me of his exploits with Varric in Lowtown, making me roll my eyes. He had also met with Isabela and seemed to get along well with her. I hoped he would find someone here like I had, but knew it would take time. He would have to mourn the loss of his wife and it would be hard, but I would help him in any way I could.

I heard Garrett come into the room and smiled at him over my shoulder. His glowing golden eyes landed on me and he strolled over, reaching up and fisting my hair, tilting my head back.

“Take off your clothes,” he ordered. I shivered at his demanding tone and slowly pulled my dress off, teasing him with it. He ravaged my mouth, kneading my swollen breast as he did so before releasing me.

“Get on the bed,” he panted. I did so, whimpering when he smacked my rump hard. He moved to a chest at the foot of the bed and pulled out several silk scarves.

“My baby wants to be pumped full of cum, huh?” he asked idly as if he were inquiring about the weather.

“Y-Yes,” I stammered, shifting as I grew wet. He walked over to the bed, tying my hands together in front of me with one scarf before putting the other over my eyes.

“On your knee's,” he ordered and I did so, letting him guide me into kneeling on the edge of the bed. I heard him removing his clothes and waited, wondering what he had in store for me.

Something pressed against my lips and I parted them, tasting skin and the salty burst of precum. I moaned, sucking on the head of his cock gently. He pushed into my mouth further, his hand on my hair to guide me, waiting as I relaxed my throat so I could take him in. He pulled back a bit then thrust forward again, his pace gentle as he fucked my mouth. Drool slipped from the corners of my mouth, dripping down my chin and I moaned around his cock, moving my tongue from side to side along his shaft. I braced myself with my bound hands on his hip, giving a gentle push when I needed air so he pulled back, the head remaining between my lips as I suckled and sucked in air through my nose.

His thrusts got harder and he moaned when I gagged around him, burying his cock in my throat and holding it there for a moment while I swallowed before pulling back and fucking my face again, his sack slapping my spit covered chin.

"Fuck, look at you," he growled. "Gagging on my cock, drooling and crying. Maker, I love you." He held my head against his pelvis, sighing as I swallowed around him, my tongue pressing against his sack.

He pulled back, his cock slipping from my lips and the hand in my hair retreating. He urged me to turn around so my rump was towards him and put my hands in front of my to brace myself.

"What's your safeword?" he asked, running a gentle hand over my bottom.

"Elfroot," I replied.

"Good girl," he praised, pressing a gentle kiss to my back. He pulled away and I heard him messing with something before there was a crack against my rump. I yelped, lurching forward in surprise, but he grabbed my hips and drug me back into place. Another blow landed and I realized it was the paddle.

“It's naughty to tease me like you did today,” he scolded, delivering another smack. “I was ready to fuck you in front of everyone.”

“ _Ahn_! I'm sorry,” I panted.

“No you're not,” he laughed, smacking my bottom again. My arms gave out and my shoulders collapsed into the mattress, my back arched so my ass remained in the air.

“I was half hard all day thinking about this,” he snarled, hitting my upturned rump once more.

“Only half?” I teased breathlessly.

“I had to keep thinking of Dog to keep from getting fully hard,” he said. He landed several more smacks to my bottom, each blow a sharp jolt of pain that faded into a throb, and it wasn't long before I was arching into them, spreading my legs as wetness dripped down my legs. I wailed when he landed a careful whack on my pussy, the harsh sting mixing with the thrill of pleasure as the wet slap echoed in the room.

“You want my cock?”

“Yes,” I moaned.

“You'll have to wait,” he said, pushing his fingers inside me. “First, you're gonna cum on my tongue.”

“Garrett....” I whined. I felt his mouth on me, biting at my stinging bottom, the backs of my thighs and finally my swollen cunny lips. His tongue pushed inside me and he began flicking it along my inner walls while his thumb teased my clit. I thrashed, trying to pull away, but his other hand jerked me back into place.

“You're going to take everything I give you,” he snarled, resuming his teasing. His lips moved to my clit, sucking and biting it while he pushed two fingers inside me. I moaned into the mattress, trembling as I drew closer to the edge. He switched back, his tongue filling me as he furiously rubbed my pearl, forcing me to climax. I rolled my hips against him, whimpering as I slowly came down.

“Mmm,” he hummed. “So _sweet_.” I mewled, spreading my legs more and arching my back. I wanted his cock in me. I came so much harder when he filled me, the stretch of him making my climax more intense. He slowly licked me clean, his tongue trailing along my clit before he sucked at my labia. I mewled, my hips jerking as my oversensitive sex was teased. He nipped at me warningly before delving his tongue inside me, licking up any trace of my climax he found then lapping around my hole.

"Garrett..."

 _Smack_!

" _What_ did you call me?"

" _Ah_! Messere!"

"Good girl."

I felt him pull back and sobbed at the loss of him, burying my face in the blankets. The bed dipped and he pulled me up, turning me over so I was on my back. I felt the head of his cock brush against my spit soaked sex and bucked my hips, trying to get him inside of me. He pulled back, the head brushing ever so lightly against my twitching entrance and swollen lips while I writhed, gripping the blanket above my head.

"Messere,” I whimpered. His hands smoothed over my belly and his cock retreated as he placed sucking kisses on the taut skin, fingers stroking with a reverence akin to worship.

“I love you,” he murmured. “I love you _so much_.” I was startled at the sudden shift in tone, wondering what had brought this on.

"Messere, please!" I gasped, rolling my hips and spreading my legs wide. "Fuck me, please!" He paused.

"Shhh. Hush now, baby," he cooed. "I'll be inside you soon enough."

He moved to the bottom of the bed, taking my foot in one hand and lifting it, kissing it gently before scrapping the skin with his teeth.

Slowly he moved up ro my ankle, his tongue coming out to tease the skin as he did. Lips, teeth, and tongue slowly and carefully explored every inch of my leg before moving to the other, paying it the same attention. When he got to the knee of my other leg, I whimpered, shifting restlessly.

“Garrett?” I called, the one word holding many questions.

“Yes, my darling?” he asked, so enraptured in his task he didn't seem to catch my meaning.

“What...what are you doing?” I asked.

“Worshiping you,” he breathed as his tongue circled my knee.

“Garrett,” I moaned. “Please...please fuck me...”

“No,” he said, nipping at my thigh.

“Wha-why not?” I exclaimed, moving to take the blindfold off. His hands caught mine and he pulled them up to the headboard, looping another scarf between them and tying it to the headboard.

“I want to love you,” he said, placing a tender kiss on my lips.

“You're scaring me,” I whimpered, turning my head from him. He paused, hovering over me for a moment before he carefully pulled the blindfold off. I blinked as my eyes adjusted and found him kneeling at my side, looking down at me.

“Baby, I love you,” he said again.

“I love you, too,” I replied. He gave me a tender smile and stroked my cheek.

“You don't let me love you, though,” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Remember when I said you always escalate things?” he questioned. I nodded slowly, looking into his glimmering golden eyes that seemed to be tinged with sadness.

“ _Nothing's_ changed,” he said. “I love you. I don't know how to make you _see_ that. It's like everything is lust and sex with you. I know you like rough sex, I like it too. Fuck, it's hot to do this shit to you. But that's not how it _always_ needs to be. Sometimes I just want to _touch_ you. Sometimes I just want a kiss or a hug. Sometimes I just want to _love_ you.”

“So you want to save me from wanting kinky sex?” I asked, angrily. If this was going to be like that piece of shit 'Fifty Shades of Grey' where someone was 'saved' from that lifestyle by love, I was going to tell him right now that wouldn't fly with me.

“No, love,” he said quickly, pressing kisses to my collarbone. “ _Never_. I just want you to know that's not how it always has to be. Sometimes, I just want to be tender with you. Will you let me show you? Will you let me just _love_ you.”

“I...okay...” I said, hesitantly. I wasn't really sure where this was going, but I suppose it couldn't hurt anything. The ache between my legs was powerful and I wanted him inside me, fucking me, talking dirty to me, but I could wait.

“What's your safeword?” he asked.

“Elfroot,” I said. He nodded and replaced the blindfold, returning to my legs and continuing his worship. His beard tickled my skin as his lips trailed over my thigh, nipping at my hip bone before moving over my swollen labia. He traced them with his tongue, making me keen in want. His powerful hands moved to the place where my buttocks and thighs met, lifting my hips a bit while his thumbs pulled my cheeks apart. His tongue circled my asshole, making me squeak in surprise.

“Garrett, _no_!” I gasped, but he ignored me nipping at the ring of wrinkled flesh. He places a sucking, open mouthed kiss to the puckered hole before moving back up to my hips. He kissed along my stomach once more, moving to my breast where he delicately teased each hardened nipple before placing sucking kisses on the soft skin along the sides. He moved to my shoulders, placing kisses down the inner part of my arm before sliding his tongue across my palm and lewdly sucking each of my fingers. His lips teased the outer part of my arm back up to my shoulder, then over my collarbone to my other arm. Once he had thoroughly explored the other arm and returned to my collarbone, he moved up my neck, kissing along the line of my jaw to one ear, his tongue tracing the shell of it before sucking on the lobe, teasing the studs in my ear. He moved along my jaw to the other ear, giving it the same treatment before kissing each of my eyes, brushing his lips down the bridge of my nose and finally stopped to hover over my lips.

“ _Garrett_ ,” I sighed, tilting my head back, searching for his lips. He pressed them against mine gently, then parted them, his tongue exploring my mouth, trailing along the ridges of my teeth, flicking along the roof of my mouth before warring with my own tongue. He pulled back, his lips brushing against mine as he whispered;

“I love you.” I tugged at my bindings, wanting to hold him, but he didn't acquiesce to my silent plea. He moved between my legs, pushing ever so gently against my entrance, waiting until my body opened for him instead of forcing his way in like he usually did. He slid in slowly, inch after glorious inch disappearing into my slick folds. When he was fully seated, he paused, holding himself there. I let out a shuttering gasp, suddenly aware of just how _warm_ he felt inside me.

“Baby?” he asked in a gentle voice and I realized I was crying, silent sobs making my chest jerk and wetting the scarf tied around my eyes.

“I'm fine,” I said, my voice hoarse. He leaned over me, his mouth finding mine in a slow kiss as he eased out of me before slowly pushing back in. Trust after careful thrust teased me, scrapping along my sensitive nerves, pushing me higher and higher though something was keeping me from falling over that edge.

"You're so beautiful," he purred. I was hyperaware of him. The feel of his shaft inside me, easing my inner walls apart with each inward thrust, the head of his cock kissing my cervix as his pelvis met mine, his pubic hair tickling my skin.

"But you're not just beautiful, are you, my dearest love? You're sweet, kind, funny, smart, sassy, strong. You're so strong." His narrow hips slid between my thick thighs, his stomach brushing my distended one, the gentlest brush on his body hair on my skin.

"My lover. The mother of my child. You're my _everything_ , baby." His hands gripped my hips firmly but carefully, the callouses on them scrapping my flesh.

"Some people search a lifetime to find someone as amazing as you. I thank the Maker every day that you came into my life..." I heard the quickness of his breath, the rustle of his legs moving along the bed.

"...that you love me." It felt like hours that he made love to me with the utmost care as if I were delicate glass he wished not to break.

“Garrett _please_ ,” I begged. His thrusts sped up, his pelvis slamming into mine with just enough force to make me gasp and writhe against him, aching to cum. I was so close, but couldn't find my release, needing something more. He pulled my hips into his lap, tucking his knee's under me as he bent over me, kissing me deeply. His lips were soft if slightly chapped and his downy facial hair brushed my chin and upper lip. His one hand left my hip, splaying over my pubic area while his thumb pushed my lips apart and rubbed my clit in slow circles.

"I want to spend the rest of my days making you the happiest woman in all of Thedas. My baby. My sweet girl. My _goddess_."

I moaned into his mouth and he slammed his cock into me harder. I climaxed, the feeling starting slow before crashing down on me with an intensity that made me tremble. My walls clamped down on him forcing him to cum, his seed spilling inside of me. He groaned low in his throat, kissing me frantically. I was still coming down when he untied my wrist, kissing the red marks on them. He pulled the blindfold off and I looked up into his golden eyes. He was looking down at me concerned, his softening cock still inside me. His calloused hand cupped my cheek, his thumb caressing the skin there as he softly called my name.

“How do you feel?” he asked. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I felt...raw. I felt exposed. I felt as if he had completely taken me apart and neglected to put me back together. Tears spilled down my cheeks and before I knew it, I was sobbing. He gathered me in his arms, murmuring in my ear as I curled against his chest, my fingers carding through the black hair there. I suddenly understood what he had been doing. He had been loving me. For so long I got used to being a tool for sex, a means of getting off and nothing more. I don't think I had ever been truly loved and worshiped because I had never allowed it. If someone wanted to be gentle with me, I had called an end to either the sex or the relationship altogether. I sabotaged myself because I didn't know how to deal with being loved because I didn't think I deserved being loved.

"I love you," I wailed, wrapping my legs tightly around him as I pressed my face into the crook of his neck. The words I had said a thousand times somehow held a different weight to them. "I love you. I love you. I love you." Garrett stroked my hair and back, rocking me gently as his cock slipped free.

"I know, my sweet girl," he cooed. "I love you, too. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. My sweet, baby girl. Let it out. I'm here. I'll always be here."

"I'm sorry!" I wept, wrapping my arms around his ribs, my fingers digging into his back.

"No, no," he scolded gently. "None of that. You didn't do anything wrong, my love. I was just showing you, helping you. And you did so well. I'm proud of you, baby. So proud. You did perfectly. My good girl." My insides warmed at the acclaim, the words calming me. I basked in his praise, his gentle touches and the sweet taste of his lips. He eased us to the bed, tucking me into his side as much as my belly would allow. I noticed that Malcolm was still, which was strange. Usually, he was a bit active after sex before settling down, but he seemed to have fallen asleep during our lovemaking. It made me smile and nuzzle into my lover's neck as sleep took me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a feels chapter. Next chapter is a little more 'kinky sex' than 'love making'.
> 
> The markings on the side of Garrett's face are the burn scar in case you couldn't tell from my horrible drawing. I tried to make it look as close to one as I could, but it still looks weird to me. I used ten different references but...I don't know. *throws hands in the air*
> 
> Thanks for all the love and Kudos! You guys are some serious awesome-sauce!


	59. Love Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we please all act like fucking mature adults in the comments sections so I don't have to moderate the comments again? Seriously wishing I could just block some people so I don't have to deal with their BS in the comments and delete a bunch of shit. You know who you are and you need to fucking _grow up._  
>  ~End Rage Dump~
> 
> The _rest_ of you are _wonderful, beautiful_ people and I am very grateful you have stuck with this story and me, even when my mind goes to crazy places that manifest in the form of some of these chapters. Hugs, kisses and weed brownies for all you beauts! Muuuuwaaaaa!
> 
> Posting tonight because I won't get to tomorrow.

The next day we rested, laying about, reading, talking and just relaxing. Garrett was very affectionate, giving me gentle kisses whenever he could. Every time I tried to move things in a more intimate direction, though, he stopped me with tender hands and gave me a sweet smile. The day after, we set to cleaning out Leandra's room. We packed her things away in several chests, being careful with anything delicate. We stripped the bed, giving Orana the things to wash and telling her to hire movers to put it in the cellar. We took frequent breaks, stepping out of the room or even taking walks around Hightown, wanting some fresh air. When we took walks, we would wander into the market and take our mind off things by picking out items for the baby. I had found a silk blanket dyed a deep red that resembled the Amell family crest. It had little hawks sewn into it with white flowers and it seemed perfect. When I had shown it to Garrett, he had purchased it for me, declaring it ideal for our baby. It seemed to help him when we bought things for the baby to replace when we took from Leandra's room. He often pulled me towards a stall when he spied a toy or trinket he liked, grinning like a schoolboy as he presented them to me, cooing over how cute all the tiny things were. There were times he would stop and stare around the room, tears in his eyes and I would just hold him, letting him cry and mourn, assuring him I was there for him.

Several days passed and I became acutely aware of the lack of physical affection from Garrett. He still hugged and kissed me, but we hadn't had sex since the night he tied me to the bed and he didn't cuddle up to me like he had before. I began to wonder if he had ceased to find me attractive, but anytime I retreated further into myself, he would pull me into a warm hug and kiss me sweetly, telling me how he loved me and how beautiful I was. I was confused, unsure of what was wrong.

We visited the Black Emporium and I found schematics to some of the most amazing armor and weapons, using the substantial funds Josephine had given me to purchase them, along with some rare materials Harritt had asked me to get for him. I had spent several minutes browsing the unique wares before I had spied a simple gold ring that bore the design of a rose, it's twisting stem making up the band. Carefully cut rubies made up the petals while emeralds were crafted into tiny leaves, dotting the band. I had stared at the ring, amazed at how beautiful it was. I picked it up, looking at it longingly before setting it back on the table and turning from it. It was beautiful but I didn't want to use the money Josie had given me for it and I certainly didn't want to ask Garrett to buy me something so expensive and ostentatious. I moved to the next table, picking out some fabrics I had been asked to get, consulting the list Harritt had given me. When I had gotten everything I needed, I paid the little urchin boy while Xenon made comments on my purchases. I found Garrett was also buying a few things and waited for him patiently. When he was done, we loaded the things into a cart we had brought and rode home, eager for supper.

The next day, we picnicked at the Sundermount beach. I had told Garrett about my love of the ocean and he had been anxious to take me to it. I had raced out into the water, abandoning my shoes and gown on the shore, the warm salt water on my skin feeling wonderful. Orana had packed us a delicious meal of sandwiches, juices, tiny cakes and crisp vegetables. Garrett and I had fed each other, sharing sweet kisses and laughing. It seemed Garrett's previous shyness towards me was forgotten when I walked out of the ocean in nothing but my smalls, dripping wet and he had pulled me into his arms, giving me a breath-stealing kiss. I had rubbed my body against his, whimpering with need, but he only stroked my cheek, telling me he loved me and pulling away.

We returned home and washed the salt water from our skin, Garrett bathing first since I was still hungry and wanted to raid the kitchen. When I had stepped out of the bath, my thoughts immediately turned to him, wondering why he always called a stop to things when I tried to push his casual touches to sex. I ached for him, my hormone-ridden body wanting him to fuck me. I thought, the next time he touched me, I was going to get sex, then stopped.

Why did _I_ have to wait for him? Why didn't _I_ initiate it?

I found a sheer gown Isabela had gotten for me, see-through fabric bunching under my breast with a colorful ribbon to tie it off while more translucent cloth flowed over my round belly and stopped mid-thigh. I dabbed some rouge on my lips, dried my hair and disheveled it so it curled messily over my shoulders, then went hunting. I found him in the library, seated on the couch in his sleep pants, the firelight playing on his bare chest. He was reading, a book held in his strong hand while he leaned on the arm of the chair. I watched him for a moment, taking in the way his jet-colored hair fell across his forehead, the way he licked his finger when he turned the page, the way he scratched or tugged at his beard when he was thinking. Golden eyes moved back and forth as he read, his dark lashes brushing his broad cheekbones when he blinked. He paused, looking at the fireplace for a moment before turning his gaze back to his book.

“How long are you going to watch me, baby?” he asked, not looking up from his book.

“I can't admire the father of my child?” I asked. He chuckled, marking his place in his book and tossing it casually on the side table.

“Of course you-,” he turned to face me, his jaw dropping as his eyes landed on me. “ _Andraste's ass._ ” I smiled, walking over and stopping in front of him.

“You like?” I asked. He swallowed, nodding his head as his golden gaze raked over me.

“Y-yes,” he stammered. “ _Damn_ , woman.” I reached out, putting my hands on his shoulders and pushing him back as I eased myself into his lap. He stared at me with open lust as I straddled his legs, tilting my head down and kissing him. He parted his lips, deepening the kiss as his hands cupped my hips. I wove my fingers into his dark hair, moaning into his mouth as I ground my bare sex against his rapidly hardening cock. His hands slid under the skirt, gripping my ass firmly and thrusting up against me. I tore my mouth away from his, whimpering.

“Garrett,” I groaned, carding my fingers through his hair. He smiled up at me, his gold eyes almost glowing with happiness. He reached up, pushing the breast of the dress aside so the air brushed over my beaded nipples. He cupped my breast in his hands, his thumbs teasing over my nipples as I rolled my hips in his lap. I gently pushed his hands away, wagging my finger slowly before cupping his cheeks and giving him a languid kiss, my tongue exploring his mouth which still tasted of wine and bread. I trailed my fingers down his neck, tracing his collarbone before moving down to his chest and dragging my nails through the black dusting of hair there. I plucked teasingly at his nipples before rubbing them in slow circles, smiling against his lips when he groaned. I shifted back, trailing my lips down his strong jaw, along his neck to his chest, my lips replacing my fingers. It was rare that I was let to explore my lover's body so much. He usually got too worked up and made me stop so he could fuck me, but now I was in control. Any time he tried to pull me closer, I pushed his hands away. When he slid his fingers inside me, I clenched around him briefly before pulling his hand back and putting it at his side.

"Behave, my love," I cooed. "Or I'll tie you up." He arched a brow at this but nodded, resting his hands at his sides. I nipped and sucked at the firm muscles of his chest, moving to his pebbled nipples and circling one with my tongue before sucking on it firmly. Garrett's head dropped back and his eyes fluttered closed as he moaned, his hand lifting to grip the back of my head, fingers tangling in my hair. I bit his nipple carefully before laving it with my tongue to soothe it before kissing and nipping my way across his chest to the other nub. I placed sucking, open-mouthed kisses on it, tilting my head to the side to press my lips more firmly against his chest. When I deemed the other nipple thoroughly teased, I made my way down his ribs, sliding from the couch so I was kneeling between his feet. I moved down his stomach, kissing, sucking, licking and biting his flushed skin, dipping my tongue in his belly button teasingly as I passed it. I pushed his pants down enough to nip at his hipbones before I moved to his cock, straining against the fabric. I mouthed over it, sucking the head through the material.

"Andraste's flaming tits," Garrett swore, rolling his hips and pushing a bit more of his cock into my mouth. I smirked as I pulled back, tugging his pants down so his cock sprung free. I placed a delicate kiss on the slit before lapping up the precum that smeared across it. I kissed down the side of the shaft, opening my mouth and wrapping my tongue around it, siding down to the base. I ducked down, taking his heavy sack in my mouth and sucking, rolling his testicles around on my tongue. Garrett groaned loudly, bucking his hips and carding his fingers through my hair eagerly. I let his balls slip from my lips and trailed my tongue back up his shaft, twirling it around the head of his cock before sucking it into my mouth. Garrett jackknifed off the couch, pushing his cock into my mouth as he swore.

"Shit, shit, _shit_ ," he hissed. I looked up and saw his head thrown back and his mouth open, eyes closed in rapture as he gripped the couch cushions tightly. I bobbed my head, slowly at first, letting him ease down my throat before pulling back and suckling on the mushroom head. I cupped his balls in my hand, massaging them firmly as I picked up my pace, relaxing my throat and I fucked him with my mouth, swallowing around his shaft each time my lips pressed to his pelvis. I wiggled my tongue along his cock as I pulled back, enjoying the way my lover moaned and thrashed beneath me. I tilted the hand cupping his sack, reaching one finger back to massage the stretch of skin between his testicles and his ass, rubbing his prostate from the outside. Garrett let out a choked cry, bouncing his hips, his hands going to my hair and pushing me down on his cock. I squeezed my thighs together, watching the Champion of Kirkwall become undone under my ministrations.

"Baby, stop!" he panted, tugging at my hair to pull me off his cock. I pulled back, his cock slipping free from my lips covered in my saliva, and looked up at him slightly hurt.

"Don't you want me?" I asked, my hand still holding his sack. "Don't I turn you on anymore?" Garrett looked down at me surprised, his eyes almost black with desire.

"I _always_ want you, baby," he said huskily. "You're so fucking sexy, but I'm going to cum and I want to be inside your sweet little cunny. I don't want to cum in your mouth."

"Maybe I want you to," I taunted, giving a long lick to his throbbing cock.

"Another time," he said, reaching down and lifting me up into his lap. "I want to be buried in my tight little pussy." He cupped my sex, fingers stroking my damp slit.

"Yours?" I asked teasingly as I knelt on the couch, my legs on either side of his with enough space between our bodies for his to slide two fingers inside me. He smirked, pulling down the straps of my outfit and guiding one of my breasts to his eager mouth.

"Mmhmm," he hummed around my nipple. "Mine. This is my pussy right here. Isn't it, baby?" His thumb rubbed my clit and I whimpered.

"Yes, Messere," I panted. "It's yours. You own it."

"Mmmm, good girl."

“Ema ‘ma dhula i pala em,” I moaned, urging his head back with a hand on his cheek, my lips hovering over his. “Rosa’da’din in’em.” (Pull my hair and fuck me. Cum inside of me.) Garrett took a deep breath through his nose, pulling his fingers out of me and quickly lining his cock up. He slammed me down, impaling me on his hard flesh so I cried out. I collapsed against his chest, whimpering at his abrupt entry.

“Are you okay?” he asked, pushing my hair aside and cupping my cheek in his calloused hand.

“I'm fine,” I sighed, nuzzling his neck. We sat for a moment, joined together while I adjusted to him. I slowly lifted up until just the swollen head of his cock remained inside, then dropped back down. He groaned, gripping my hips and helping me move. Up until his cock threatened to slip free then down hard, invading my hole and tapping my cervix. It wasn't long before I was bouncing eagerly in his lap, gripping his shoulders for balance as his hips jerked up to meet me.

“Fuck, baby,” he moaned. “You're so sexy. Maker's breath, I love you. Look at you. You're such a little cock slut.”

"Yes," I hissed. "I'm you're little cock slut, Messere. _Pala em elvar’el!" (_ Fuck me harder!) He gripped my hair, pulling my lips down to meet his, my hips never stopping as I impaled myself on his turgid flesh, the room filled with the wet slap of flesh on flesh and our labored breaths. My breast bounced, almost hitting him in the face but this only excited him further.

"Maker's ass, I love your tits," he groaned as he tore his mouth from mine and tilted his head down, sucking and nipping at my shaking breast. I whimpered as my hips began to falter, my mounting pleasure making my legs weak. I whimpered in frustration and Garrett pulled me down on his cock before rolling us so I was under him, pressed into the couch. He began plowing into me, his hips snapping forward hard as he gripped the back of the couch for leverage.

"Pala em! Pala em!" I chanted, clawing at him desperately. I reared up, my lips finding his chest and sucking on his nipples as he slammed his cock into me. One hand moved from the back of the couch, sneaking between us and rubbing my swollen clit in frantic circles.

"Cum for me, my sweet girl," he gasped. "I wanna see you cum. Cum on my cock, baby." My orgasm hit me with a blinding force, my vision going white as I cried out, my inner walls clamping down on his cock. I bucked back against him, digging my nails into his arms as he fucked me brutally, riding out my climax.

He suddenly plowed forward and stilled, his cock jerking as it shot out rope after thick rope of cum inside me. Seed slipped out of my stuffed hole and dribbled down my buttocks, no doubt leaving a stain on the couch. He gave a few shallow thrusts, rolling his hips to milk his orgasm and shoot the last of his seed inside me. I slumped back against the couch, smiling when he leaned forward and gave me a slow, tender kiss. I mewled against his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck as we slowly explored each other's mouths, the feel of his cum leaking out of me making me shiver.

“I love you,” I said when we parted. “I love you so much.” He smiled, stroking my cheek tenderly.

“Hey guys, I...oh shit! EW!”

We looked over at the door where Madison had thrown his hands up to cover his eyes, turning his back to us.

“I was wondering what all the yelling was about, but never mind!” he said. “Jeez, you have a room!”

“I thought you were at the Hanged Man with Varric and Iz,” I panted.

“I came home to get some rest,” he said. “I'll just...er....I'll be going.” He walked into the door frame with a pained grunt before stumbling out of the library, swearing as he did. Garrett and I laughed, watching him go before turning back to each other. We caressed one another, our fingers mapping out each other's bodies reverently.

“I thought you didn't want me anymore,” I said, looking up at him from beneath my lashes.

“Why would you think that?” he asked, lifting me into his lap when he cock slipped free and cradling me against his chest.

“Every time I tried to touch you, you stopped me,” I pointed out. He chuckled, tilting my head back and kissing me.

“No,” he said. “Every time you tried to _escalate_ things I stopped you. I wanted you to initiate sex instead of just encouraging it.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you never seem to touch me unless I touch you first,” he said. “I wanted you to know you could.”

“I guess I just worry about bothering you,” I said.

“You'll _never_ bother me when you need affection,” he chuckled. “And this was _hot_. Where did you get that gown?”

“Iz,” I said. His hand smoothed over the sheer fabric on my stomach, bunching it up in his fist.

“Mmm, remind me to thank her,” he purred. “Damn.”

“You still going to think I'm sexy after I give birth and my skin's all loose?” I asked with a giggle.

“Void yes,” he said. “That's where my baby came from. I don't care how you look, you'll still be hot stuff to me.” I laughed, throwing my arms around his neck.

“Let's get my babies to bed,” he said, tucking his cock back into his sleep pants and lifting me up. I giggled, kissing him sweetly on the lips, my fingers stroking his bearded cheek. He smiled down at me lovingly as he carefully traversed the steps and I couldn't help but think I was the luckiest woman in all the universes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, more kinky stuff and some feels because Garrett is an awesome guy. Well, he's a real dom. Reals doms want their subs to grow as people and help them achieve that.
> 
> Also, random funny thought my friend and I were talking about today. Whoever is making rope in Kirkwall is making a fucking killing with all the people who repel down the sides of buildings to fight Hawke in the game.


	60. Tell Your Heart To Beat Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have a question for all you lovely people.
> 
> *deep breath* would it be too much to throw in a bit of a Daddy kink? Like, our OC calling Garrett Daddy? Would that take it to far? Opinions?

I hugged Sebastion as tightly as I could with my belly in the way, sniffling softly into his shoulder. He chuckled, pulling back and brushing the tears on my cheek away with gentle fingers.  
  
“I'll see you again, Madam Seer,” he said with a warm smile. He pressed his lips to my brow before turning to Garrett who hugged him as well, the two men slapping each other's backs in a manly hug.  
  
“If you need anything, just let me know,” Garrett said.  
  
“Same goes for you, Hawke,” the Prince said. “Starkhaven will always be open to you and your family.” It was time for Sebastian to return home and we all stood in the foyer of the Amell estate, bidding him farewell. Varric, Fenris, Isabela, Madison, Aveline, Donnic, and Merrill were gathered with us, telling the prince goodbye amid a few wet eyes and sad smiles.  
  
“I hope you'll invite me to the baby's naming day,” Sebastion told Garrett.  
  
“Of course,” my lover said. “We'll throw a big party.”  
  
“I pray you have a safe journey back to Skyhold,” Sebastian said. I watched as he mounted his horse after checking the cart it pulled was still firmly attached and waved at us before turning and leaving. When he was out of sight, we walked inside, Orana pouring everyone some wine while I took a glass of juice. Garrett plopped down in his favorite chair, patting his thigh and motioning for me to sit. I let myself be pulled into his lap, smiling when his one hand began rubbing my belly. It was something he could often be found doing and I had teased him with it relentlessly. The others took random seats, Aveline perching on the arm of the chair Donnic sat in while Merrill sat on the floor with Dog. Madison leaned against the fireplace, his arms crossed over his chest. I noticed that my friend had filled out a bit since we came here. Before he had been kind of gangly, but now his arms were more muscled, his facial hair grown out in a goatee that he kept well trimmed. He stood taller, more confident in himself, more at ease. His hair had gotten long and he often let it hang loose. His blue eyes cut to me, a blonde brow lifting in a questioning look. I smiled, shaking my head slightly to let him know I would tell him later. He tilted his head in a subtle nod, letting me know he would wait.  
  
“That thing you guys do is weird,” Garrett grumbled. I looked at my lover, puzzled.  
  
“What thing?”  
  
“Where you seem to have an entire conversation without talking,” he said. “It's like you read minds or something.”  
  
“We do,” I said, fixing Madison with an intense and playful look. “What am I thinking of?” I let my lips curl in a devious smirk as I looked up at him, my gaze moving slowly to the library before darting back to him, my brow arching and my smirk growing. The effect was immediate. He turned bright red and groaned, slapping his hand over his blue eyes.  
  
"Why! Why _that_?!" he asked.  
  
"What?" Merrill asked with a giggle.  
  
"She was reminding me of when I walked in on her and Hawke having sex in the library last night!" Madison huffed, shooting me a glare.  
  
"You walked in on them fucking?" Isabela asked. "You _lucky_ son of a bitch!"  
  
" _Lucky_? Are you _nuts_? I don't want to see that! She's practically my _sister_!" Madison threw his hands in the air and walked over, dropping onto the couch. I laughed, leaning against Garrett who rested his cheek on my chest, chuckling.  
  
"To be fair, we were done by the point," Garrett said, tilting his head back enough to kiss my neck as his fingers traced random patterns on the taut skin of my stomach.  
  
"Well that's no _fun_ ," Isabela huffed, crossing her arms.  
  
"I'm trying to get the image of my sister in a sheer nightie out of my head, _thank you_ ," Madison snapped.  
  
"The one I got you?" Isabela asked. " _Dammit_! I haven't even seen her in that one!" I arched my brow at Isabela and she just looked at me.  
  
"What?" she asked. "You're hot! This can't be news, love." I flushed and looked down at my lover who was gazing up at me adoringly.  
  
"That reminds me..." Varric began and I groaned.  
  
"I _shudder_ to think what that could _possibly_ remind you of," I said.  
  
"So do I," Fenris grumbled from his place on the couch opposite Madison.  
  
"You and Hawke," he continued, unperturbed. "I want to make sure I get all the details right when I tell this story. Did he sweep you off your feet? I'm assuming he did the sweeping. He's taller than you. Awkward otherwise." I chuckled, carding my fingers through Garrett's dark hair.  
  
"I'm not telling you anything but this; there was no actual sweeping involved," I said, purposely taking a line from Fenris. Said man turned and smirked at me, eyes glittering beneath his lashes. Garrett scoffed, leaning back in the chair.  
  
"Are you kidding?" he asked. "It was some epic sweeping! Some of the most awesome sweeping that anyone ever swept! Fireworks went off, the ground shook and naked women sang hymns!"  
  
"Christ, shut up," I laughed. Varric wrote furiously in his little notebook, a smirk on his face. Isabela and Merrill were both staring at Hawke with rapt expressions, hanging on his every word.  
  
"And that was just the first time we kissed!" my lover went on. "The first time we had sex...Andraste's ass! I thought I'd died and gone to the Maker's bosom! Everything about her body, the sounds she made, the way she tastes was mmhhmmphh!" I covered his mouth with my hand quickly, blushing and laughing.  
  
"My darling love," I cooed. "Shut. It." His hand circled my wrist and he pulled it away, lacing his fingers with mine.  
  
"Yes, my love."  
  
"Oh, come on!" Varric complained. "It was just getting good."  
  
"Yes, please," Isabela moaned. "Do go on." Garrett cast them both a quick glance before those golden eyes I loved so much landed on me, filled with adoration.  
  
"She was beautiful," he said. "That was the first thing I thought. Varric and Gethorn were singing her praises and I thought, 'I have to meet this woman'." The hand around my back moved up to my arm, fingers trailing gently along it. "When I saw her, I thought she was beautiful. Then she opened her mouth and I knew she just had to hear my heart beating in my chest. Just her voice was incredible. To top it all off she was brilliant, articulate, funny, sassy and so sweet and kind. She didn't even really know me, but she was comforting me. I was floored. She took my hand and it was like lightning." My heart beat wildly in my chest and I was sure I was blushing, but the room seemed to have fallen away as I a stared at the father of my child. He looked at me with such devotion it was breath-stealing. I took in his deep eyes, the color of molten gold, his broad cheekbones and sharp brow. His slightly crooked nose and pale lips, one side of the upper lip fuller than the other. His dark beard that was a bit thicker along his jaw and the wrinkled burn scar on his right brow tugged at the corner of his eye a bit.  
  
"Garrett," I breathed, placing a trembling hand on his shoulder.  
  
"I flirted with her," he went on. "I was sure she must know how I felt, but she seemed to just brush it off as playfulness. I watched her. A lot. I would sneak and spy on her, watching how she would dance and sing to herself when she thought she was alone or no one was looking. I saw how she muttered under her breath when she was reading reports as she walked through the halls, how she chewed her lip when she was thinking or nervous. When she's anxious she scratches at her arm, when she's concentrating and has to pause, she cracks her knuckles or twists her rings with her thumb. She hates tea and loves chocolate milk. When she's frustrated, she runs her hand through her bangs which she keeps trimmed so they brush her cheekbones. When she finds something really funny, she snorts and it's the cutest fucking thing."  
  
"Garrett," I cooed, leaning down and kissing him sweetly. I felt his smile against my mouth and saw the curl of his lips when I pulled away.  
  
"When she was learning Fade Step, I offered to help for several reasons. One being that I hated seeing her so downtrodden when she couldn't seem to get it, the other being when she smacked into me, I got to feel that curvaceous body against mine." There was a round of laughter at this and I almost jumped, having completely forgotten there were others in the room. "I admit to being a pervert, but I was so frustrated. I was completely in love with her and I couldn't get her attention. Then, after her magic went haywire when she fought that Tevinter mage....she was so upset, so worried she would hurt someone, be a weapon that no one, not even she, could control. I tried to comfort her and she was suddenly asking me to be careful at Adament. I got angry when she wouldn't tell me why. I was jealous. I wanted her to rely on me the same way she seemed to do with Cullen and Gethorn and Madison, but she wouldn't. But then she told me I would sacrifice myself. That it would be me or Stroud. I was giddy that she wanted someone else to die in my place."  
  
"Stroud was a Warden," I said, blushing. "He wasn't going to live much longer anyway. I just...I wanted you to be happy and have a life."  
  
"That," Garrett breathed. "That was exactly why I kissed her. How could I not? I confessed how I felt, point blank and I kissed her. And it was incredible. I couldn't recall any kiss ever being so perfect for me because it was her lips and they were _so_ sweet. I knew right then and there I would marry her. I wanted to always be the one to kiss her, hear that soft sigh she lets out when I pull back, see the sweet smile she gives me." He shifted and reached into his pocket, pulling out his closed fist and resting the back of it on my leg.  
  
"I have never loved someone like I love you. I don't think I ever _could_ and there is _nothing_ more painful for me than the thought of being without you. You are my everything. I want you, all of you, for the rest of my life, for the rest of eternity..." I looked down as I felt his hand flex and saw his fingers ever so slowly uncurling from his palm to reveal the very ring I had admired at the Black Emporium.  
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
The room was dead silent, no one daring to even breath as I gazed at the glittering ring in his palm, shocked. It wasn't as if I hadn't known we would eventually marry, but seeing the golden band with the jewels glittering in the firelight, it all seemed so surreal. I looked up into those amber eyes, glowing with love and devotion and a little bit of uncertainty. I felt a spike of anxiety.

Could I really do _this_?

Could I really _tie_ myself to someone like this?

Could I really allow someone this _close_ to me?

Could I give someone the last bit of my heart so they held so much _power_ over me?

 _Every time_ I had gotten anywhere near this point, my heart was broken and I realized my love had been a _lie_.

Tears beaded on my lashes and Garrett's other hand lifted, tucking my hair behind my ear.  
  
"I will never hurt you," he said and a single tear slipped down my cheek as I saw how true those words were.

He wouldn't ever dream of hurting me.

He wouldn't abuse me.

He wouldn't leave me for someone else.

He wouldn't get angry at me and make me feel guilty for not wanting to be his slave instead of his submissive.

He wouldn't ignore my hard-limits then demean me for using my safeword.

He wasn't _them_.

He was my lover, the father of my child, my perfect dominant and my soul mate. I thought of him laying in the cart, pus and infection stinking from the wound in his gut while he barely clung to life. The deep part of me I usually shielded knew I couldn't live without him. I had declared it to a courtyard full of Inquisition members when the panic of losing him had overcome all the walls I had put around my heart and I knew it now as I stared into his eyes. Another tear joined the first and I shuddered as something in me broke.  
  
"Yes." The one word held such a weight and I saw a tear slip from Garrett's golden eyes as those around the room cheered loudly and he pulled me down for a passionate kiss. He pulled back and eagerly slipped the ring on my finger, letting out a wet laugh as he pulled me down for another kiss. I realized his hands were shaking and saw mine were as well. I scrubbed my wet eyes before brushing the tears from my soon to be husbands cheeks as we laughed at each other. Garret reached up, kissing me yet again.  
  
"About time," Fenris snorted and Garrett tore his lips from mine with a loud smacking sound, reaching behind him and grabbing the throw pillow tucked into the corner of the chair. He threw it at the elf's head, growling.  
  
"You're ruining the moment, dammit!"  
  
I laughed as Fenris grinned, snatching the pillow out of the air and sticking it behind him.  
  
"No," I said. "That made it perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a picture for this but it just...sucked. I couldn't get it right and just got frustrated and scrapped it. GRRRR!


	61. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:**  
>  Fuck, all the warnings. BDSM and some Daddy kink. Jesus, this chapter got waaaaaay out of hand. It started as something sweet, then....fuck. I blame my rough day. I meant to have this posted this morning but I fell asleep editing it last night. Sorry. I also had a drawing I had to finish because the day got away from me. But I figured you guys would forgive me because....p0rn and art. *goes and drinks* now I need a drink....or seven.

I rolled over in bed, reaching for Garrett's warmth in the chilly spring night but found only cold sheets. I sat up, looking around for my fiance, missing him. A kick to my side made me grunt and rub my belly.  
  
"Yes, yes, son," I sighed, heaving myself out of bed and snatching up my robe. "I'll go get Daddy." Malcolm rolled over and stretched and I rocked a little. "Go back to sleep, baby. Mama's going to get Daddy. Don't worry." I made my way down the hall, hearing Madison's soft snores from his room. I looked down the stairs and saw the house was dark but for light spilling from the library. I made my way towards it, waddling my fat pregnant ass up to the second story of it, finding Garrett at a bookshelf, pulling a couple of tomes free and dropping them into a chest. He examined the shelf again, fingers skimming over the spines of the books there. He was dressed in his sleep pants and a robe that hung open, the rope belt hanging from the loops down his back. I snuck up behind him, winding my arms around his waist and resting my head against his shoulder blades. He gave a little jump, then hummed in pleasure, resting his arm over mine and stroking my hand.  
  
"Hey, baby girl," he said sweetly.  
  
"Hello, my love," I purred, kissing between his shoulders. Since my little lesson, I began to take joy in touching my lover, initiating things and he was thrilled.  
  
"How are my babies?" he asked, peering over his shoulder at me.  
  
"We miss Daddy," I pouted, nuzzling his back. "We woke up and you weren't there and your son is not happy. He's kicking me."  
  
"Awwwe, poor babies," he cooed, lifting one arm and turning slightly, pulling me into his side.  
  
"I know," I huffed. "Mean Ol' Daddy." Garrett shivered and looked down at me.  
  
"I love when you call me that."  
  
"Come to bed, Daddy," I purred. Garrett dipped his head, kissing me deeply. I moaned as his tongue slid along mine, his body turning to face me as his hand cupped my belly.  
  
"I'll be up soon," he said when he pulled back. "I promise." Malcolm gave me a kick and I grunted.  
  
"Your son doesn't like that, Daddy," I said against his lips. "What are you doing, anyway, love? It's the middle of the night."  
  
"Just grabbing some books to take back to Skyhold," he said, turning back to the shelf and snatching up another tome, tossing it into the chest with the others.  
  
"Uhh-huh. And this couldn't have waited?" I asked. "We don't leave for two days."  
  
"I know," he sighed. "I was just restless." I looked up at him and saw the slightly haggard look he had. There were dark circles under his eyes and a tightness to his mouth. I leaned into his side, rubbing his chest soothingly.  
  
"My love, what is it? What's wrong?" Garrett paused and looked down at me, surprised.  
  
"Is it that obvious?" he asked.  
  
"To me, yes," I said. "There's something you're not telling me." He looked back on the shelf and his mouth formed a tight line as he lifted a fist up, letting it thump against the spins of the books.  
  
"Coreypheus," he said in a tormented voice. "It'll be time to face him soon, won't it?" He turned to face me, gold eyes worried and searching mine for an answer.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You'll be going to fight him, won't you?" he asked, his gaze tortured.  
  
"Yes, my love." His mouth set in a firm line and he jerked his head back to the shelf, grabbing another book and throwing it to join the others.  
  
"I want to up your training," he said. "Solas only taught you magic, but you need to learn how to fight other opponents. You need to know how to fight in any situation."  
  
"Going to put me through your personal boot camp?" I teased, trying to get my lover to relax.  
  
"Yes," he said shortly. "I want to make sure you...you come home..."  
  
"Love, what's wrong?" I asked again, pulling back from him.  
  
"Corypheus isn't a bandit or a training dummy," he said sharply. "My father used blood magic to lock him away and he was able to break the bindings enough to affect the Wardens. I killed him and he somehow rose from the dead. In the future Gethorn and Dorian went to, he had taken over everything. He....” Garrett stopped, closing his eyes. "He _bound you_ , made you his slave, someone to feed him information...Gethorn said you weren't even human anymore." His hands shook and he swallowed.  
  
"He won't have you." the words were said under his breath, almost like he was trying to convince himself.  
  
"No, he won't," I said, putting my hand on his chest. "I'll have the baby soon. We'll train my magic now and my body after."  
  
"I wish you could see your own future," Garrett said, pulling me into his arms. "Why can't you? I mean, you're in the Inquisition. You should be able to see what happens to you." I paused, chewing my lip.  
  
"I can't see my own future," I began. "Because originally I wasn't in it. I wasn't in this world."  
  
"Wh-what?" Garrett looked puzzled and I sighed pulling away from him. I retrieved my phone from the side table where I had left it after letting it play earlier while Garrett and I danced. I clutched the phone in both my hands, my fingers slowly unlocking it, finding the hidden folder I had set up and typing in the code to open it.  
  
"There's something I have to tell you," I said in a low voice, unable to look at him. "And you may hate me for it."  
  
I had him join me on the couch and showed him everything. Pictures, videos, saved wiki pages all filled with Dragon Age. I explained video games to him and how the world of Thedas was first a book, then a game and comic. I explained that I knew because I had played the games, over and over, seeking out each outcome possible, reading wiki pages to further immerse myself in the Dragon Age Universe. I showed him the Destiny trailer video, watching as the father of my child fought the Arishok.  
  
"I'm not really a Seer," I said at last. "I'm just some woman who fell in love with a world not her own and used her knowledge to try and help as much as possible when I found myself here. I didn't know how else to explain how I knew and figured Seer was the easiest way." Garrett stared at the phone, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

He reached over, gently taking it from my hand and tears sprang to my eyes. He played the Destiny trailer once more, his expression completely unreadable as he watched. I carefully pulled the ring he had given me off, clutching it in my palm as my other hand rubbed my stomach.  
  
"I'm _sorry_ I lied to you," I sobbed. "I just didn't know how to explain it and I wanted to help! I thought if I tried to tell anyone, they'd think I was crazy or an abomination or maleficar.  Are...are you angry?"  
  
"A little," Garrett admitted. "If you know the outcome...why not say something? Warn everyone?"  
  
“I alerted Leliana to the possibility of an attack on Haven,” I sniffled. “Gethorn almost died because of it. If I hadn't left him means of finding us, if I hadn't run out into a blizzard, he would have died. It wasn't like that in the game. In the game, he made it on his own. My actions have very real consequences. You almost died. I told you about the fear demon, I aided with Adament and I almost lost you. There has to be a balance and I've tipped it.” I rose to my feet as quickly as my bulk would allow and paced, hugging myself tightly, refusing to look at Garrett.  
  
"You...you c _an't_ tell the others," I said.  
  
"Of course not," he said softly. I heard the gentle click of him setting my phone on the table and stared into the fire, shivering despite its warmth.  
  
"If you want...I'll....I'll leave," I said with a hiccup. I held my arm out towards him as he rose from the couch, uncurling my palm to give him the ring back. He was silent and I resisted the urge to look at him. A calloused hand gently took my wrist as fingers plucked the ring from my palm...and slid it back on my finger. I looked up at him and found him staring down at my hand where he was carefully turning the ring so the rose pointed up.  
  
"Does me knowing this change how you feel about me?" he asked. "Did you only love me when I thought you were a Seer?"  
  
"Wha- _no_!" I gasped. "Of course not!"  
  
"Good," he said, staring at my hand. "Because nothing's changed for me. You're still the same person. You told a little white lie instead of giving a long, convoluted explanation that may have had the Templar's coming down on you. You were honest about everything else. I am a little hurt you didn't trust me with this sooner."  
  
"I kind of forgot," I said, blushing. "When you proposed, I remembered I hadn't told you yet and I thought I should before we were married in case...."  
  
"In case a little white lie drove me away in disgust?" Garrett asked, his eyes cutting up to me as his brow arched. I nodded, swallowing thickly. I felt the tears slip down my cheeks and my blush get darker. I was tired of these fucking hormones that had me crying all the damn time. He reached out, his other hand cupping the back of my neck, drawing me in close. The hand that held my wrist gently pushed my arm up and over his shoulder so I wrapped it around his neck.  
  
"I'll forgive your doubt, my sweet girl," he purred against my lips, tilting his head to the side and sliding his tongue between my parted lips briefly. "Blame it on the hormones. _Right_ , my baby?" I nodded, feeling guilty for thinking the worst of him. His hand twisted in my hair and jerked my head back, exposing my neck.  
  
"Who do you belong to?" he growled in my ear.  
  
" _Ahn_! Y-you, Messere," I gasped.  
  
"Good girl," he purred, trailing his lips lightly along the soft skin of my neck before biting down cruelly on the juncture where my shoulder began. "If I stopped loving you because of a little white lie, then I'd be an asshole. Am I an _asshole_ , my _sweet_ girl?"  
  
"N-no," I gasped.  
  
"No, what?" he snarled.  
  
"No, Messere."  
  
"Good girl," he praised, reaching down and easing his fingers inside me. "It looks like my baby needs to be reminded of who she belongs to."  
  
" _Daddy_ ," I groaned, bucking my hips into his hand.  
  
" _What_ did you call me?" I jerked, trying to think. What had I called him? I had been so lost in the feeling of him pushing his fingers inside me that I hadn't been paying attention. It suddenly dawned on me and I blushed, looking up at his surprised face meekly.  
  
"M-Master?" I tried, only for a sharp slap to land on my rump.  
  
"Don't lie to me. _What_ did you call me?" Garrett leaned over me, golden eyes almost black with desire.  
  
"Daddy," I said and his lips curled into a sadistic smile. Garrett sucked on the skin of my neck, his hand slipping beneath the cup of my gown to knead my breast.  
  
"I want you upstairs, naked, standing next to the bed, bracing yourself on one of the posts at the foot, baby girl. Go. Now." I pulled back, pausing for a moment and looking at my finace nervously.  
  
"Can I...can I have a kiss first?" I asked meekly. "A real kiss?" Garrett chuckled.  
  
"Of course, baby," he said, ducking his head and pressing his lips against mine. I moaned softly when he slanted his mouth, lips parting as his tongue slipped into my mouth. His facial hair tickles my skin, making me smile as I wrapped my arms around his neck, devouring his lips needily. I pulled back after a time, my need for his affection briefly sated and pecked his lips, turning and sauntering out the door.  
  
"I'll be waiting, _Daddy_." I scurried up the stairs as quickly as my pregnant body would allow and shed my slip of a nightdress the moment I was in our room. I grabbed a band and tied my hair on top of my head and stood by one of the bedposts at the foot of the bed, leaning forward and gripping it with both hands. I waited, a smile tugging at my lips as I looked at the rumpled blanket on our bed, both sides pushed down from where we had left it. I listened closely when I heard footsteps on the stairs. The anticipation was making me wet. What did he have in store for me? The door opened and closed and I whimpered, wriggling my rump at him.  
  
"Isn't that a pretty sight?" he purred, walking over to stand next to me, kneeling down and opening our toy chest. "Are you eager for me, baby girl?"  
  
"Yes, Messere," I said breathlessly. A sharp slap landed on my rump that had my hips jerking forward.  
  
"For tonight, you call me Daddy," Garrett ordered and I trembled. I watched him pull out several toys and shivered in anticipation. Since I had gotten pregnant, Garrett had been hesitant to fully scene, worried about hurting the baby, but it seemed he had found a way around it.  
  
"Do you want to be blindfolded?" Garrett asked.  
  
"No," I panted. "I want to see you...daddy." A groan and a sharp slap to my pussy.  
  
"I love hearing you say that."  
  
"Have a bit of a kink?" I asked teasingly. Garrett chuckled but didn't answer. I stood still as he fastened clamps to my tender nipples, my knee's buckling at the pinch. I spread my legs when Garrett tapped my thigh, mewling as he slid four balls encased in a rubber-like material inside me. He placed a hard bite to my rump before soothing it with his tongue.  
  
"Don't lose a single ball, _princess_ ," he purred.  
  
"Ye-yes, Daddy," I moaned.  
  
"I'm going to spank you and I want you to count them and thank me," Garrett said, nuzzling my bottom.  
  
"Am I being punished, Daddy?" I asked, meekly.  
  
"No, princess," he cooed. "I just want to remind you that you're mine. You're my submissive. Nothing short of death or a mad killing spree will ever change that. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes, Daddy," I sighed, resting my brow on the wooden post. The first blow of his hand landed on the fullest part of my ass and I jerked forward.  
  
"One!" I gasped. "Thank you, Daddy."  
  
The next blow hit where my thigh and buttocks met, my ass jiggling.  
  
"T-two! Thank you, Daddy!"  
  
Another slap, this one on the top of my left cheek.  
  
"Threeeee! Thank you, Daddy!"  
  
The slaps were firm and stinging, pain fogging my brain as the clamps bit into my nipples. Each time I jerked, my breast would shake and the pain would spike before becoming a dull throb. Each buck of my hips caused the balls inside me to shift and more wetness to dribble out of my pussy. At the tenth blow, they ceased to hurt. At the 15th they felt so good I orgasmed. I orgasmed at the 16th and the 17th as well. At the 18th, I sobbed, unable to speak, my legs shaking.  
  
"Daddy, please!" I wept, spreading my legs. "In me. In me, please."  
  
"Not yet, princess," he cooed. Eager hands pulled my ass back and spread my legs while a hungry mouth feasted on my dripping sex. Another orgasm rolled through me at the first touch of his tongue to my clit and my legs gave out. Garrett had, luckily, noticed the shaking of my thighs and moved so I didn't hurt him. He caught me, holding me in his lap gently.  
  
"Push the balls out, my baby girl," he cooed, his hand slipping between my legs. I did as he asked, watching him lift one to his lips and suck my juices off of it. "My girls pussy is so sweet. I could lick that sweet hole all day." I wrapped my arms around his neck, nuzzling his neck.  
  
"Will you fuck your pregnant baby girl now, Daddy?" I cooed. "I want your cock in me, filling me up with more cum that made our baby." Garrett gripped my hair tightly, tilting my head back and biting hard on my neck.  
  
"Is my princess a cum slut?" he snarled against my bruised skin.  
  
"Fuck, yes, Daddy," I moaned.  
  
"Up on the bed, baby girl," he ordered. "Hips at the edge of the bed and legs spread with your knee's up. I want you to show Daddy your sopping little cunny." I scrambled to do as he asked, laying so my rump barely hung over the edge and pulling my knee's as close to my chest as my stomach would allow. Garrett knelt between my legs, kissing and lapping at the slick mess of my fluids there. My back arched when he landed a careful blow to my swollen clit, followed by another and another still until I orgasmed once more, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.  
  
"Daddy," I moaned, gripping the backs of my knees. "Fuck me, Daddy. I need it."  
  
"How can I say now when you ask so _sweetly_?" Garrett purred and teased the head of his cock along my slit, letting it get coated in the copious flow of my juices. I wailed as he pressed forward frustratingly slow, the head barely pushing into my eager entrance before he slammed forward. I screamed, my back arching as I was suddenly filled, my inner walls spasming as yet another orgasm rolled through me.  
  
"Such a good girl," Garrett cooed. "Cumming on Daddy's cock so eagerly."  
  
"Daddy," I panted. "Daddy, fuck me. Please. Need it. Neet it so bad." Garrett gripped my hips and began thrusting, slowly at first, a gentle drag of his cock out then a careful easing in. I sobbed and thrashed, lifting my hips to meet his, encourage him to go harder.  
  
"Please, please Daddy!" I cried, tearing at the covers. "Fuck me. Fuck me so hard. Remind me who owns me, who I belong to. I doubted you, Daddy. Make sure I never doubt you again."  
  
" _Fuck_." The word was snarled in a voice I had never heard from my lover before and it sent a jolt of pure arousal through me. It was primal and husky. Before I could say something, my hips had been jerked over the edge of the bed and I was receiving one of the most animalistic fuckings of my life.  Garrett jerked his cock out before ramming it back in, frantically humping me. I tried to buck my hips to meet him, but it only succeeded in throwing him off and he eventually pinned my hips to the bed, not allowing me to move aside from shallow bouncing. My breast jerked on my chest and Garrett reached up, tearing the clamps from my swollen nipples. I wailed at the mix of pain and pleasure, writhing wildly as Garrett put one knee up on the bed, driving his cock in at a different angle, deeper than before. He tore one hand from my hip and seized my hair, dragging my lips to his in a brutal kiss. His eyes were black, completely black so he almost looked like a man possessed. His face, neck and chest were red, sweat pouring down his brow. He bared his teeth at me as he growled, watching me with that heady blend of sadism, desire and love.  
  
"Daddy, daddy, daddy," I chanted against his shoulder, coming apart completely, clawing at his back for purchase. The hand still holding my hip grabbed my leg and wrapped it around a narrow waist, reaching across me to do the same to the other.  
  
"Fuck yourself on me, baby girl," he snarled and I did, pulling him into me as he dropped to his elbow, arched in such a way he didn't crush my stomach. His free hand slid between us and his thumb brushed my clit. It was all it took for me to crest one final glorious time, my vision going white as I sobbed out my release. Garrett roared against my neck like a dragon after a conquest and flooded my milking channel with more seed then it could hold so it trickled down my ass onto the sheets.  
  
I awoke as my lover pulled out, not even knowing when I had passed out from the intensity of my orgasm. My entire body trembled, my limbs feeling like lead. Garrett kissed me, his entire body taut with the effort to remain up. I slung an arm around his neck and forced myself to turn, dragging him down to the bed. He groaned, but went, slumping bonelessly against the mattress.  
  
"Fuck, baby," he gasped. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. I've never come so hard in my life."  
  
"Second," I slurred, crawling up to the pillows and flopping down. Garrett laughed and followed me, dragging me to his side with one arm. He nuzzled my cheek, his free hand moving to smear his seed over my thighs.  
  
"Who do you belong to?" he asked and I could hear him smiling.  
  
"You, my love," I sighed. "Forever and always."  
  
"Forever and always," Garrett agreed, kissing me. "I want to get married when we get back to Skyhold."  
  
"Okay," I yawned. "We'll get married at Skyhold." He murmured something else, but I failed to catch it as I slipped off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd apologize for this smut but....meh, we know you love it.


	62. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm a bad author and also since I probably won't get to post tomorrow, I'm doing it now. Beware the feels.

Skyhold loomed ahead of us and I was glad to see it after being on the road for weeks. The journey had left me in a foul temper and I tried not to snap at my companions or future husband.

“Remind me never to travel pregnant again,” I sighed as we rode across the bridge.

“Not a problem,” Garrett said. “You're not leaving Skyhold until you give birth.”

“Nope!” I said. “Ugh, of course your son would be huge.” My stomach had ballooned in my time away and it was difficult for me to move. As we drove into the courtyard, I heard my name called and looked to see Gethorn dashing towards me. He leaped into the cart, throwing his arms around me and showering me with kisses.

“I missed you, Mamae!” he cried, nuzzling me.

“I missed you, isha'lin,” I said, returning his affections.

“You've gotten big,” he marveled, rubbing my belly.

“Thank you, son, that's just what every woman wants to hear,” I snarked. Garrett snickered and I shot him a dirty look that made him cough and look away innocently.

“ _Ah, but you are truly a vision of beauty,_ da'lath'in _,_ ” came Solas' soothing voice as he strolled towards the cart.

“Ma serranas, fen'bae,” I said. He took my hand, helping to guide me down from the cart while I rubbed my sore rump.

“ _We have your dress all ready for you_ ,” Solas said with a smile as he hugged me.

“ _Dress_?” I asked, pulling back and giving him a confused look. “What dress?” Solas stared at me puzzled.

“ _Your wedding dress,_ ” he clarified. “ _Garrett sent word that you wished to have a wedding shortly after you returned. He said I should work with the seamstress to make a dress for you._ ”

“ _He did, did he_?” I asked, looking at my soon to be husband who was hunching his shoulders and looking at me guiltily.

“I know enough elvish to know I'm in trouble.”

“No you're not,” I said. “You just keep reminding me how much I adore you.”

“Oh good,” he sighed. “So you're not upset we're getting married tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow!” I shouted, shocked. “What the hell, Garrett? You couldn't give me a heads up?”

“We can postpone it,” Solas offered.

“No, it's fine,” I said. “I'm just irritable from the journey. I just need to rest.” 

“You go relax, baby,” Garrett said. “Take a nap. I'll take care of everything.” He put his hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him and press a sweet kiss to my lips. Solas took my arm and guided me to the Rotunda, setting me up on the couch with a blanket draped over my legs. He did a few tests on me and told me I needed to eat more meat, but otherwise, left me to nap with the familiar lull of conversation from above soothing me into a light doze.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I felt a weight shift me on the couch and a hand carding through my hair. I opened my eyes, expecting to see Garret, but found Cullen smiling at me.

“You've gotten big,” he remarked, rubbing my stomach with his other hand.

“Is that _really_ a wise thing to say to a pregnant woman?” I asked, stretching.

“You look beautiful,” he assured me with a chuckle.

“ _Mmmm_ , that's better,” I said, snuggling back into the pillows behind me.

“How was your journey?”

“I'm not traveling again until I give birth,” I grumbled. 

“That bad?” he chuckled.

“Yes,” I said. “Kirkwall was lovely, but I can't take bouncing in the cart.”

“I hear you're to be a married woman soon,” he said. I paused, looking up into honey colored eyes that seemed to give nothing away.

“Yes,” I agreed. “Tomorrow.”

“Is this what you want?”

“It is,” I said. “I love him.”

“Even though he's an apostate?” he questioned.

“We're all apostates,” I pointed out. “The circles fell. The word doesn't mean much anymore. Not that I would have gone to a circle. I would have run at every chance.”

“I would have hunted you.” He smirked and I knew he was teasing me.

“Oh, you would have been so _easy_ to get away from,” I laughed.

“Why's that?” Cullen asked, offended.

“I would have seduced you and then slipped away,” I teased. “Or I would have seen you coming.”

“If you seduced me, wouldn't that be more reason to bring you back and keep you near me?” he asked.

“Hmmm, or you'd abandon the order and run away with me,” I said dramatically, putting my hand to my forehead. Cullen laughed and rolled his eyes at my theatrics, smoothing the blanket over my legs.

“You were missed,” he said. 

“I missed you, too,” I said, taking his hand in my own. He threaded his fingers through mine, pulling my hand up and kissing the back of it.

“Gethorn drove me nuts,” Cullen complained. “I'm surprised he's not in here with you.”

“I think Garrett roped him into helping to give me some rest,” I said. 

“Solas and the Seamstress worked through the night designing your dress,” he said. “She kept trying to make it more filly while he wanted her to stick to his design.”

“Who won?” I asked hesitantly.

“Dorian,” Cullen chuckled. “He got tired of their bitching and meshed their designs together.”

“I'm wondering what they came up with,” I said. “ _Not_ in a good way.”

“You'll like it,” he assured. “Everyone at Skyhold is excited about this.”

“Why is that?” I asked, surprised.

“Besides the fact that a lot of people like you,” Cullen questioned. “For many of us it's a reminder that when the breach happened, the world didn't end. There's hope, there's a life after this.”

“There is,” I said. “Would you like to know yours?” Cullen paused, looking at me skeptically. It wasn't often that I offered to reveal the distant future.

“I would.” I smiled, looking up at the spiraling ceiling, the ravens flying to and fro far above us.

“You retire from active service and the new Divine gives you land where you establish a sanctuary for Templar's who wish to leave the order. You develop a way to combat Lyrium withdraw. And you have a Mabari,” I told him. He smiled, looking at me dreamily.

“That sounds great,” he said.

“I will look forward to when you visit Kirkwall,” I said. His hand rubbed over my belly, pausing when Malcolm kicked at it.

“And you will always be welcome with the kids.”

“I'm sure they will adore their Uncle Cullen,” I said, laying my hand on his. He gave me a tender smile, leaning in and pressing a kiss to my cheek. I could suddenly imagine a group of black and blonde haired children racing across the field, Garrett at my side, laughing. The scar at his eye wrinkled and his fingers pushed his hair back as the wind blew it in his face. Cullen turned as the children called to him, dressed in a white lawn shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and gloves on his hands. He grinned wide, kneeling down and holding out his arms, the children tackling him. He laughed, lifting one up on his hip and kissing her. He pulled a tall boy into a hug, pressing another a kiss to his head before grinning at another little girl who hugged him around the waist. I looked at Garrett who smirked and nodded at me. I gave him a grin before taking off, racing across the fields.

“Make way, kids! Mamae's coming!” I yelled and the kids quickly scattered before I lept into the air, letting Cullen catch me as I wrapped my legs around his waist and hugged him tightly, enjoying his deep rumbling laughter in my ear.

“Mamae, you're too old for that!” the boy cried.

“No she's not,” Cullen and Garrett said at the same time, the latter having run after me to watch my greeting.

Tears gathered at my lashes. I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. I suddenly wanted this to all be over. In the games, I had usually kept the Inquisition going. But I now knew what Giselle had meant when she said that the Inquisition had a purpose and when that purpose was fulfilled, it should be disbanded. We needed a life after this. We needed a world to rebuild and a promise that Corypheus hadn't destroyed it. We needed a goal and that goal needed to be an end.

“Will you be there today?” I asked Cullen, cupping his cheek. He looked at me, his eyes tinged with sadness and I suddenly felt like I was twisting the knife in his heart. I knew how he felt about me and this was asking a lot to watch me be wed to another man.

“I wouldn't miss it,” he said.

“Cullen, I-”

“ _Don't_ ,” he said softly. “Just...don't...”

“I'm sorry,” I said, leaning forward and hugging him. “I...I don't know what to say.”

“Are you happy?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Then that's all I want.” I nuzzled into him. I loved Garrett, more than I ever thought I could love someone. But I loved Cullen, too. The friendly feelings bordering on romantic more than they should. Cullen pulled back, cupping my cheek in his hand.

“Don't feel sorry for me,” he said with a smile. “It's my own fault. I should have said something instead of sitting around fantasizing.”

“You fantasized?” I asked, arching a brow. He blushed and coughed, causing me to giggle. I dropped it, not wanting to make him feel awkward and leaned against him, my head on his shoulder. He rubbed his hand along my back and I sighed softly.

“I love you, Cullen,” I said. “You were my first friend here. You've always been there for me.”

“I've done nothing,” he argued.

“Nothing?” I cried, pulling back. “So letting me use your shirt as a tissue any of the numerous times I bitch cried was nothing? Sparring with me when I was stressed about the Winter Palace and screaming at the seamstress was nothing? Listening to me vent and cry is nothing? Do you want me to write a book, man?” Cullen laughed and shook his head.

“I could say the same about you,” he countered. “You helped me with my withdrawals, you comforted me when I was upset, you defended me. The first thing you said to me was 'It's not your fault'. I...there aren't words.”

“I'll always be your friend, Cullen,” I said.

“And I will always be yours,” he replied. “Regrets aside, I'm glad for that.” He gave me a wry grin and tapped my nose playfully. 

“You're probably hungry,” he said. “Come on.”

I rose from the couch, stretching and yawning.

“Yeah, I could use some food,” I said, taking his hand and letting him pull me to the kitchens.


	63. Marry Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting tonight because of an early morning I have.
> 
>  _words_ =elvish

The dress was gorgeous. A silk dress with a sheer overlay that exposed my shoulders. It reminded me of the promotional image for the female city elf in Origins. Long sheer bell sleeves fell to mid-thigh, the entire thing adorned with a curling lace design in a shade darker than the white dress and decorated with a myriad of twinkling stones. The dress flared out slightly under the breast, the skirt falling delicately over my stomach. I admired myself in the mirror, taking in the beaded net my freshly dyed hair had been woven around and the rope of gold that hung around my neck. Leliana had painstakingly applied makeup to my face, using a light touch to accentuate my features. 

My fingers hovered over the cool glass of the mirror, wondering if it really was me in it. A knock at the door made me pause and I pulled my hand back, turning to it.

“Come in,” I called. The door opened and Solas slipped into the room, blue eyes taking me in. There was a tinge of sadness in his gaze that made my heart tighten. He really looked at me like a father about to give his daughter away.

“ _You look beautiful, little heart,_ ” he said. 

“ _Thank you, Papa Wolf_ ,” I said. He moved to my side, taking my hands and kissing my brow.

“ _They're waiting_ ,” he said. I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry.

“ _Am I really doing this_?” I asked. He arched a brow at this.

“ _Getting cold feet,_ da'lath'in?”

“ _It's just...I never saw myself getting married_ ,” I sighed. _“In my world, I was resigned to being alone. I preferred it. Now I'm getting married and having a baby!_ ”

“ _Do you love Garrett?_ ” he asked, tracing along my jawline with the tips of his fingers.

“ _Yes_ ,” I said without hesitation.

“ _Do you see yourself any place other than his side?_ ” 

_“No,”_ I said. “ _I see...more. More children, more love, more...everything_.”

“ _So, you have your answer,_ ” he said with a tilt of his head.

“Fen'bae?” I asked, looking up at him.

“ _Yes_?” 

“ _Can you walk me to the altar_?” I requested, trying not to chew on my painted lower lip and mess up my lipstick for the fourth time.

“ _I'd be honored_ ,” he said, looping my arm through his. He pushed open the doors, leading me down the winding hall from my room and out to the courtyard. I sucked in a breath through my teeth at the sight before me. I knew Josephine, Dorian, and Leliana had thoroughly enjoyed decorating, but they had also completely outdone themselves. The Drawbridge of Skyhold served as our Altar, a stage having been built quickly but no less perfectly. It was draped with pale blue fabric and ropes of white lilies. The wall of the gate had been likewise decorated, large swathes of fabric hanging down with rope after rope of flowers accompanying them. Flowers lined the stairs from the throne room to the courtyard, petals scattered along the path and blowing out over the courtyard. Garrett stood on the stage, dressed in attire that resembled the suits the others had been made to wear to the Winter Palace. In place of the red shirt, one of a light Champagne color sat, complimenting the gold mantle and buttons. His pants were a soft brown color, tucked into knee-high black boots. A swath of blue cloth was wrapped around his waist and thrown over his shoulder, secured with a simple brown belt. His hair had been trimmed up, sweeping over his forehead as golden eyes looked up at me. Beside him, Cullen, Gethorn, and Madison stood, dressed in black versions of their formal wear, their sashes the same blue as Garrett's. On the opposite side stood Josephine, Leliana, and Orara, clothed in ivory gowns that hung off their shoulders, puffy blue fabric lining the necks. The entirety of Skyhold stood before me, hanging out tower windows, off the battlements, filling the yard, perched on roofs and anywhere else they could fit to watch. Music filled the area, a sweet tone of violins and harps that brought tears to my eyes.

“ _Come_ , ma fenlin,” Solas said in a soft voice, guiding me down the steps. A soft murmur of conversation filled the area, too low for me to hear any actual words. I walked closer and closer to Garrett, my hands tightly gripping Solas' arm. We stopped at the stage, Solas turning and placing a kiss on my cheek before handing me off to Garrett. Mother Giselle stood between us, smiling brightly. She began her sermon, saying passages from the Chant of Light and talking about how great of a gift love was. She turned to us, beaming.

“This is the part where you make a promise,” she said. Garrett looked at me, his golden eyes glimmering in the light of the noon sun.

“I swear unto the Maker and Holy Andraste to love this woman for the rest of my days,” he said. “I will be her companion in times of prosperity and her security in times of hardship. I will love no other and take no one but her in my arms, until the day I join the Maker.”

“You shall have the first cut of my meat, the first sip of my wine,” I said, translating the elven vows. “Only your name shall I cry during the night and only your eyes shall I see in the morning. I shall be your armor, as you are mine. No bad words shall be spoken of us. Our bond is sacred to us, and others shall not hear my grief. I shall worship and praise you through this life, and into the next.”

“You may kiss,” Mother Giselle said and Garrett pulled me close, dipping his head. I stood on my toes, trying to reach him and our noses bumped awkwardly. Garrett chuckled, cupping my cheek and tilting his head. His first kiss landed on my chin, the second only got my upper lip. 

“I am sucking at this,” he muttered. I gripped his cheeks, pulling his mouth to mine. Our lips touched and the hand on my waist pulled me closer. Garrett's mouth slid over mine, his lips parting and his tongue pressing at the seam of my lips. I gasped softly, that hot tongue slipping into my mouth to twine with mine. I cupped the back of Garrett's head, running my fingers through his hair. A cheer rose up, forcing us to remember where we were and pull apart. Garrett stared at me for a moment, his hands around my waist.

“Maker bless your union,” Mother Giselle said and Garrett pulled me back to him, giving my another demanding kiss.

“Leave some for the Honeymoon!” Bull cried out. Laughter erupted and Garrett and I parted once more, blushing like teenagers. He took my arm, guiding me out into the courtyard where a few people were handing out food. The partygoers began to mingle, talking and chatting while some danced to the lovely music that flitted in the air. I laughed and talked with my friends, nibbling at the food Garrett had fetched me. Cullen had pulled me into a tight hug, telling me how beautiful I looked. Gethorn had bawled, laying his head on my shoulder. The Iron Bull had lifted me in his massive arms, giving me a careful hug while the Chargers argued about who went next. Varric had rubbed my belly with one broad hand as he wrapped the other around my waist. Madison had wrapped his arms tightly around me, chin resting on my shoulder, telling me how happy he was for me. The parade of well-wishers and embraces continued, even Cassandra looping her arms around me a little awkwardly. I was standing at the base of the steps leading up to the throne room, laughing about Madison's supposedly great offense that he wasn't my Maid of Honor and Varric's relief at not seeing my best friend in a dress when I felt a hand touch my shoulder gently. I turned, my jaw dropping as Carver Hawke looked down at me with a soft smile.

“Hello, new sister,” he said the corner of his mouth lifting.

“Carver!” I cried, surprised. I hadn't seen him at Kirkwall. Garrett said that he had asked Aveline to take his brother into the Free Marches to safety and I hadn't heard much about him since. Garrett and Carver didn't get along much and it seemed that Garrett having his brother run from danger had only strained that relationship more.

“Andraste's ass,” Varric swore. “Has Garrett seen you yet?”

“No,” Carver said. “I wanted to meet my new sister without him hovering.”

“How did you know?” I asked, confused.

“Garrett sent word he was getting married when he got back to Skyhold,” Carver explained. “I set out as soon as I could.”

“I'm glad you could make it,” I said.

“That's a first,” he snorted. “A mage is happy a Templar came to her wedding.”

“Oh for the love of Christ,” I swore. “Can't you just say 'thank you' like a damned normal person?” I had never liked Carver's quick to sarcasm way of speaking. Carver looked taken aback for a moment before his lips curled in an amused smiled.

“Thank you,” he said in a low voice, bowing his head.

“Maker's ass, you've been around my wife five minutes and you're already pissing her off,” Garrett groaned from behind him. Carver turned and grinned at his bother.

“It's a talent,” he said. Garret pulled his brother into a back-slapping hug, a smile tugging at his lips.

“I'm glad you made it,” the mage said softly. 

“Wouldn't have missed it,” Carver replied. “Only you would up and marry a woman hailed as our last hope across Thedas.”

“I aim high,” Garrett said breezily. Carver rolled his eyes, turning to me.

“Would my new sister grace me with a dance?” he asked, holding out his hand as he bowed.

“Is this the part where you threaten me if I ever hurt your brother?” I asked, taking it.

“Naturally,” he replied, pulling me to the area by the musicians where other couples twirled one another on the plush grass. I fell into the simple steps easily, my hand on Carver's shoulder as we moved in time with the music. Carver studied me for a time, his eyes lingering on my belly before rising to my face once more.

"You're not what I pictured," he said.

"I get that a lot," I replied.

"I somehow imagined you would be taller," Carver hummed and I smacked his shoulder. He laughed and stepped closer to me.

"I think you'll be good for my brother," he said.

"Oh?"

"Yes," Carver said. "You don't seem to take a lot of Bullshit and that what he needs."

"That's me," I sang. "No shit taking here."

“I'm glad my brother found someone,” he said, sincerely. 

“Why Carver,” I teased. “That's so sweet of you.”

“I may not always get along with Garrett, but he's still my brother,” Carver said. “And you are still carrying my nephew.”

“Will you be sticking around?” 

“For a few days, then it's back to the Free Marshes,” Carver said, pulling me to a stop as the song ended. I pulled away from him, walking over to Garrett who was waiting at the side. My husband drew me against his chest, stroking my cheek.

“Hello, my wife,” he said with a giddy little grin.

“Hello, husband,” I returned with a giggle.

“Ugh, get a room,” Carver groaned.

“Good idea!” Garrett cried, moving to pick me up. I swatted at his hands laughing.

“No, no!” I scolded. “There is time for that later. Go talk with your brother, mend bridges and all that. Cullen looks like he wants to dance with me.”

“Yes, my love,” he grumbled, kissing my hand while Cullen flushed. The two walked off and I took Cullens hand, tugging him demandingly towards the dance area.

"I'm terrible at dancing and you know it," the Commander hissed.

"No you're not," I said easily. "Shut up and dance with me." Cullen sighed and pulled me close, moving slowly to the music. I looked up at him as we moved, staring into his amber eyes.

"You look beautiful," he said.

"You're very handsome yourself," I replied. He blushed, his hand shifting on my back. "Thank you for being here."

"I wouldn't have missed it," Cullen said with a grin. "So stop looking at me sadly and enjoy your big day. I'm fine. Really."

"Are you...sure?" I asked hesitantly. Cullen smirked and took my hand, twirling be around once before pulling me back to his body. He ducked his head, brushing a kiss over my lips, still smiling.

"Yes," he said in an affectionate voice. I looked up into Cullen's amber eyes, similar to Garrett's but more the color of honey then gold. I saw no sadness there, only joy. Cullen was truly happy for me. I smiled and his grin widened.

"There we go," he cooed softly, twirling me once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I promised a sneak peek. Sooooo, here it is.
> 
> “What's wrong?” I asked.  
> “N-nothing,” Cullen stammered, surprised.  
> “Something is on your mind,” I said, standing from my chair and plopping my bottom on the desk right in front of him. He scowled, honey colored eyes meeting mine.  
> “You're going to have ink on your butt,” he said.  
> “That was wet?” I cried, jumping to my feet and prying the now ruined paper off my breeches. “Well fuck. At least they're black.” I handed him the document he set aside, quickly capping his inkwell. I sat back on his desk, putting my feet on the seat of his chair on either side of his thighs and stared at him.  
> “What?” he asked.  
> “You will tell me what is wrong,” I said in a mystical voice, waving my hand in front of his face.  
> “Is that supposed to compel me?” he questioned with one gold brow arched.  
> “No,” I said, lifting my shirt and breast band to flash my naked breast at him. “This is, though.” He laughed and leaned forward, kissing my sternum so his stubble tickled my skin.
> 
> There will be another one in the next chapter too.


	64. Towards The Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter because you guys are awesome.

I waited at the gates anxiously. Shortly after the wedding, Gethorn and Bull, along with the Chargers, had left for the coast to meet with the Qunari Dreadnought. I had been very on edge, barely even paying attention when Blackwall was brought into Skyhold in chains, his expression angry. An hour or so ago, a scout had announced the groups return and I had hobbled my pregnant self to the drawbridge, waiting with bated breath to see who returned. I had decided that if Bull returned without the Chargers, I would have him arrested at the first chance. He would betray us regardless. 

I spied several figures on the far end of the bridge, the distance and the thick fog making it impossible to tell who it was. The bridge vibrated with the trotting of the horses, a pair of horns coming into view as they drew closer. Bull rode atop a massive mount that had been acquired by one of the scouts along the Tevinter border and had immediately, upon sight, been dubbed Bulls mount because it was the only creature able to take his massive size. I held my breath as they drew ever closer and the faces became clearer. My heart leapt as I recognized a bruised and bandaged Krem, shouting something at Rockey who was laughing. I laughed, tossing my head back and letting the joyous sound float down the bridge. I knew I would get crap for it, but I moved one hand down to my belly, picking up my skirts in the other and racing down the bridge as fast as I could. I saw Bull scowl and dismount, catching me in his arms.

“Hey, hey,” he chided. “Pregnant women shouldn't go running around on stone bridges.” I ignored his chastising, throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him with all the strength I could manage.

“You did it,” I whispered, my hormone-fueled emotions choking me. “You made the right choice.”

“Was there ever another one?” he asked with a grin.

“I supposed not.”

“Hey, Mamae!” Gethorn greeted.

“Hello, isha'len,” I said. “When you're done getting settled, Josie wants you in the throne room. Blackwall's been retrieved.” Gethorn sighed but nodded, coming over and pulling me into a careful hug.

“I need to speak with you when you get a moment, seer,” Bull said.

“Let's do this now,” I said, knowing what he wished to talk about. Bull nodded and led me into Skyhold and up to one of the empty battlements. I walked out, leaning against the low wall and admiring the view.

“So, want to spill what you know?” Bull asked, closing the door.

“You had a choice,” I said. “Save the Chargers or save the Dreadnought. You chose the Chargers.”

“And if I had chosen the Dreadnought?” 

“The Chargers would have died,” I said. “The Qunari would have later betrayed us and you would have died, slain by Gethorn for giving our secrets away to the Qun.”

“So,” Bull said. “What does the future hold for me now? I'm Tal-Vashoth.”

“You are not Tal-Vashoth,” I said, turning to him. “You are The Iron Bull. You and the chargers do what you did before, you occasionally fuck Dorian until he screams like a girl and you live a life you believe in.”

“How do you know I wouldn't have been happier dying for the Qun?” Bull questioned with a scowl.

“Maybe you would have,” I said. “But you wouldn't have been happier letting others die for something they didn't believe in. You turned yourself over for retraining for a reason. Because you couldn't find it in you to give a shit what you were fighting about, what your men were dying for. You don't even want to return to Seheron!”

“No, I don't,” he agreed. “I suppose I should thank you. Standing on that hill, watching those guys close in on my men...I didn't think, I just acted. Gethorn could have told me to let the Chargers die and I still would have called the retreat.”

“You did what was right, Bull. You made a choice you could live with.” Bull gave me a small smile, his elbow resting on the arm crossed over his chest. He rubbed his fingers together and looked at me, one dark brow arching.

“Just out of curiosity,” he hummed, “what would you have done if I had returned without the Chargers?”

“You really want to know?” I asked, bracing my hands behind me as I leaned on the wall.

“I really do,” he purred. I smirked, pushing off the wall and strolling towards him as gracefully as my bulk would allow. When I was standing before him, I reached out and patted his chest.

“I would have had you executed,” I replied. “Maybe not right when you returned, but before it was all over.”

“Wouldn't even try to convince me otherwise?” Bull asked, head tilting so one of his horns narrowly missed whacking against the door.

“There would have been no convincing,” I said, sadly. “You would have pushed on so that Krem and Rocky and Dalish's sacrifices meant something. It would have been the lie you told yourself.”

“I see,” he said. “I must admit, I admire your candor, Seer. Not many would confess to this.”

“You deserve the truth, Bull,” I said. “I would have told it to you even if you had come back without them.”

“Then, you have my thanks,” he said, dipping a half bow. I chuckled, moving to do the same but stumbling when Malcolm decided to do a cartwheel and throw me off balance. Bull snatched me out of the air, holding me steady while I tried to find my center again.

“Fucking kid,” I grumbled. “I swear he's trying to kill me before he's even born. At least I wasn't on the stairs this time!” Bull laughed, giving the gentlest of pats to my stomach.

“He's a little fighter!” he declared and I groaned.

“Because we need more of those. Can't you be a scholar, son? For mommy?” Bull snorted and I heaved a weary sigh.

“Yeah, I didn't think so either. Come, help me down the stairs. I never realized how many bloody flights of stairs there were until I got pregnant.” Bull laughed again, looping my arm around his and helping me traverse the steep incline down to the courtyard. Once there, I saw the Chargers hailing him over and nodded for him to go join them while I continued to the throne room.

Gethorn sat atop the dais, his legs crossed as he lounged in the ornamental chair. He beckoned me to him and I picked up my skirts, climbing the few steps to his side.

“I want you here for this,” he told me, motioning for a servant to retrieve a chair for me. “I need your counsel.”

“Of course, darling,” I said, sitting in the chair that was slid behind me. Blackwall...Rainier was brought before us in chains as Josephine read off his crimes.

“I didn't think this would be easy,” Gethorn said mournfully, “but it's harder than I thought.”

“Another thing to regret,” Rainier snorted. “Using your ties to the underworld to free me? You're a criminal, same as me. The world will learn how you've used your influence. They'll know the Inquisition is Corrupt.”

“I wish there had been another way, but my options were limited,” Gethorn said, shaking his head sadly.

“You could have left me there!” Rainier yelled. “I accepted my punishment. I was ready for all this to end! Why would you stop it? What becomes of me now?”  
There was a heavy pause, the words hanging in the air. Gethorn looked to me, his violet eyes full of sorrow.

“Mamae, what are your thoughts?” 

“As Rainier, he had an entire family slaughtered and took another man's place in the world,” I said. “As Blackwall, he has done everything he could to atone, he has laid down his life for the Inquisition and our cause. He gave himself up to spare another man's life.”

“Then I think our choice is clear,” Gethorn said, looking down at Rainier. “You are free.”

“It can't be that simple,” Rainier said. 

“It isn't,” I said, standing. “You're free to atone as the man you are, not the traitor you thought you were or the Warden you pretended to be.”

“The man I am?” Rainier asked. “I barely know him. But he-I have a lot to make up for.” Rainier paused, his eyes sliding closed as he took a deep breath. His hands clenched around the chains he bore, knuckles turning white as they bit into his palms.

“If my future is mine, then I pledge it to the Inquisition. My sword is yours.” Gethorn nodded to him, his eyes slipping closed as his lips curled into a smile. The chains clinked as Blackwall moved, his hands releasing them.

“If I had said anything less, would an arrow from the Rookery have snuffed me like a candle?” he inquired. My gaze moved up to the balcony that overlooked the room, seeing Leliana standing there slowly lowering her bow and un-notching the arrow. She gave me a subtle nod before ducking back through the door.

“Take your post, Thom Rainier,” I said. Rainier ducked his head, turning to the guard who unchained him.

“Rather benevolent of you,” Gethorn remarked.

“Blame the hormones,” I said. Gethorn reached over, rubbing my stomach in soothing circles.

“Won't be long now 'till I get to meet my little brother,” he said.

“Nope, it won't,” I agreed, secretly dreading the thought of giving birth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another sneaky peaky!
> 
> “Open the door.” It was Cullen.  
> “Go away,” I sniffled.  
> “I didn't mean it!” he tried and I could feel him putting his weight on the door, causing me to dig my feet into the stone to keep it closed.  
> “You said it!” I accused, slamming my back against the wood so it shut in his face. He swore and I heard him grip the handle, saying my name in a low, commanding tone.  
> “You can either open the door or I can break it down, but I'm coming in.”  
> “Fuck off,” I spat.  
> “Your choice,” he sighed. I grunted as he rammed it, the wood giving way and pushing me along the floor. My feet sought purchase on the stone but found none as he slammed into it again, pushing it open enough to duck inside. Before I could scramble to my feet he was grabbing my arms and hauling me up, amber eyes raking over me worriedly.  
> “Are you all right?”  
> “Fuck off,” I hissed. He scowled, leaning over me.  
> “Stop,” he ordered. “I didn't mean it!”  
> “Then why did you say it!” I yelled, trying to tear from his grip but his hands tightened, his superior strength not allowing me to break his hold.   
> “Because I was scared!” he shouted, giving me a little shake to get me to stop struggling.


	65. Baby, I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:  
> Uhmmmm....swearing and gross stuff. Posting tonight because I get up early.

I thrashed on the bed, sweating as I was stripped down to my plain cotton gown. Solas and the midwife moved around the room, shooing people out as I clenched my fists in the blanket. My water had unexpectedly broken when I was sitting with Garrett outside, enjoying the warm weather and trying to get comfortable with the throbbing pain in my back. Naturally, Solas had been called and I was raced to my room. My contractions came quickly, my skin breaking out in a sweat as pain rippled through me.  
Garrett had been pushed out of the room amid much yelling from myself and him, but the midwife insisted it wasn't proper.

“ _Screw_ proper!” Garrett spat. “My father was there for my birth and my siblings birth! I want to be with her!”

“Perhaps in light of how much this is upsetting the mother, you could make an exception,” Solas had said to the midwife with a sniff. He had protested Garrett's removal just as much as I had. Elven men didn't abandon their wives in childbirth to go drink and wait. 

“Fine, _whatever_!” she conceded, “Have all of bloody Skyhold in here!”

“ _Absolutely_ not!” I shrieked. Garrett ran to my side, taking my hand in his own and smoothing my sweat soaked hair back.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“You're never getting sex again!” I cried.

“Ah, that well,” he joked. I leveled my husband with a withering glare that he shrunk back from.

“Perhaps it would be wise not to tease her,” Solas said, putting more pillows behind my back.

“What is going on?” came Dorian's voice as he pushed past the people in the hall. “Why is someone screaming? What are you all looking...at...Sweet Maker, are you giving birth?”

“No, I'm out for a midnight stroll!” I snapped.

“Can I watch?” he asked, slightly mesmerized.

“ _OUT DORIAN_!” I screamed, grabbing a trinket from my bedside and chucking it at him. He nimbly dodged it, the item crashing into the wall and exploding in a cloud of glass. I glared as the Tevinter rushed back out the door, shouting apologies over his shoulder.

“I need to push,” I declared, collapsing back on the pillows.

“Not yet, madam,” the midwife said, checking how far dilated I was. “Soon.”

“I want to push,” I whimpered. I have never had such a strong urge in my life. It was like every part of my body was solely focused on bringing this child into the world and I could think of nothing else.

“Just squeeze my hand, baby,” Garrett cooed. “You're doing so great.”

“Garrett, I love you, but _shut the fuck up_!” I barked as another contraction shot through me. I gripped his hand tightly, squeezing hard as I panted through the pain. As the pain faded and I collapsed back on the pillows, I looked at my husband who was smiling at me sweetly.

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I didn't mean that. You can talk. _I'm sorry_.” Garrett laughed, kissing me gently.

“It's fine, baby,” he assured. “Cuss me out. Tell me you hate me. Tell me I'm an ugly cretin. Whatever makes you feel better.” I laughed, turning our hands so his was facing me and kissing the back of it.

“I adore you.”

“I worship you,” he said. “You're _amazing_.” I smiled at him, groaning as yet another wave of pain washed over me.

“You can push, Madam,” the midwife said. “When the next contraction hits, push as hard as you can.

“Fuck the hell _yes_ ,” I moaned in relief, pulling my knee's to my chest and doing just that. As another contraction ripped through me I pushed, hard. I could feel my child moving through the birthing canal and the pain was unreal. I screamed, gripping my husband's hand so tightly I was sure I would break one of his fingers. When the contraction ended, I paused, gasping to catch my breath. I looked up and saw the door was wide open and the hallway crowded. Though most turned away out of respect, I saw Dorian and Cullen watching me with rapt attention. At this point, I didn't even care. I waved at them weakly and they waved back, Cullen flushing even as he smiled affectionately. Another contraction tore through me and I pushed down, trying to force the child from my body. All the fear and dread I had felt leading up to this day vanished and I suddenly wished for it to all be over. I was tired, my energy running low from the hours spent in labor.

“I see the head!” the midwife declared. “Just a little more.” I took a deep breath, gripping my husband's hand tightly, letting out a long cry as I gave another great push. Another cry joined mine, high-pitched and lusty as the midwife held up my goop covered child.

“It's a _boy_!” she cried. I heard a cheer from outside as I collapsed against the pillows, smiling at Garrett.

“Told ya,” I said with a grin as the Midwife laid the screaming baby on my stomach, cutting the umbilical cord.

“That was beautiful, baby,” Garrett said, his voice thick as tears spilled down his cheeks. He bent over me, pressing sweet kisses to my lips as he smoothed my hair back.

“Garrett?” I asked, reaching up and brushing the tears from his cheeks, only for them to be replaced by more.

“That was amazing,” he sobbed. “You're incredible. I can't believe...I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you, too,” I said, pulling him into my arms. I rubbed my hands along his back and he sniffled into my neck, his shoulders shaking as he tried to calm himself. It touched me deeply that my husband was moved to tears by my act of giving birth. His hands clutched at the back of sweat-soaked gown and he pressed frantic kisses to my neck. When he was calm, he pulled back, looking at where Solas was wrapping our son in a blanket while the midwife cleaned me up. I let her change me into a clean gown, though my entire lower half vehemently protested the movement. I eagerly held my arms out for my son who whimpered at being moved.

“He is perfect, fenlin,” he said as he settled the infant in my arms. I tugged down the blanket to get a better look at the wrinkled little babe. He had a smattering of hair on his head that was black as jet, sticking up in random directions. Large blue eyes blinked open, looking up at me in amazement.

“Hello there,” I said gently. “I'm you're Mamae.” Garrett rested his cheek against mine, his eyes roaming greedily over his child.

“I'm your Babae,” Garrett declared and my heart skipped a beat. “Welcome to the world, Malcolm Arthur Hawke.”  
Malcolm yawned, his mouth making sucking motions. I breathed out a laugh, pulling down the front of my gown and pushing my swollen nipple into his demanding mouth. He suckled eagerly and I let out a shiver at the strange feeling of milk flowing out. The bed dipped as Solas sat on the side not occupied by my excited husband. He peered down at the child, a smile on his lips.

“He's going to be a heartbreaker, isn't he, Baela?” I asked. Solas trailed one finger down the babe's button nose, a gentle smile on his lips.

“Yes,” he said. “He is.”

“Can we come in?” came Dorian's cautious voice. “Does she have anything in _throwing_ distance?”

“You're safe,” Garrett called. “Come on in.” Dorian came dancing over to the bed, his eyes bright with glee.

“Look at him!” he squealed. “He's so _cute_!” Cullen followed after, peering down at the babe over Dorian's shoulder.

“Look at that _hair_!” the commander crowed and I noticed his eyes were red-rimmed. Malcolm looked up at all the noise, whimpering around the nipple in his mouth.

“ _Shhhh_ ,” Solas hushed. “He's very new to this world and he's scared.”

“Sorry,” Dorian said. He ducked away from the bed, going out into the hall, his hands firmly on his hips.

“Now listen here,” he said. “You lot can go see the baby, but be _quiet_. Mother and Babe are both tired.” With that, a line of people filed in, Gethorn eagerly sprinting to my side, shoving Garrett out of the way.

“Hey now!” Garrett cried.

“I wanna see my brother!” Gethorn said, peeking eagerly over the blanket at the now sleeping child.

“I _made_ the baby!” Garrett huffed. “Don't _sit_ in my _lap_! _Maker's balls_ , kid.” I giggled as Gethorn perched on Garrett's lap like an overgrown child, looking at Malcolm with glittering violet eyes.

“He's _beautiful_ ,” he marveled. “I'm gonna be the _best_ big brother ever.”

“He'll be a lucky boy,” Garrett said, patting the elf on the back.

I smiled at them, relaxing into the pillows as a line of well-wishers filed in, cooing over my son. I felt some of them press kisses on my brow and smiled sleepily at them. I let myself drift off to sleep, unable to keep my eyes open and felt someone lift Malcolm from my arms. When I peeked open an eye, I saw Cullen cradling the babe as he reached over and smoothed my sweaty hair back from my face.

“Sleep,” he said, his eyes shining with tears. “You did _amazingly_. We'll take Malcolm.” I nodded, giving a yawn and curling up on my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Garrett bitch cried. Awwwwwwwe. No sneaky peeky this time. They'll be random since I don't want to give too much away.


	66. Act Of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm going to be posting couple chapters because these are sad as shit. And I'm trying to hurry towards a major plot point. Some things may seem random, but trust me, they will make sense in the future.

I swayed gently on my feet, Malcolm tucked into my elbow as I stood beside his cradle. Aside from sleeping, I had found myself unable to put him down. Even when other's took him, I hovered, eager to have him back in my arms. I knew why.  I knew he was my chance to make up for the one thing I regretted.

I tucked a strand of jet-colored hair back from his face and he looked up at me, those big eyes of his staring at me. In the days since his birth, his eyes had changed color to a deep blue with golden flecks.

I smiled down at him sadly. He was such a happy child. He rarely fussed, even the few moments he was put down, he seemed so content. Tears filled my eyes, spilling over and down my cheeks.

“I'm _so_ sorry,” I whispered. A hand on my back made me jump and I turned, finding Madison looking at me sadly. I hastily tried to wipe the tears away, but they were replaced with more. My friend hugged me tightly, careful of the child in my arms. I sobbed against his shoulder, knowing he knew why I was upset. We didn't need words, my pain was evident on my face and he knew the reason why.

“I regret it _so_ much,” I sobbed. Madison pulled back, brushing my tears away. He looked down at Malcolm, smiling softly as tears slipped down his own cheeks, my pain effecting him.

“What is one of the first laws of energy?” he asked.

“Energy is neither created or destroyed,” I recited.

“Exactly,” he said. “You can't destroy it. It is transferred or it remains.” I stared at him, blue eyes meeting matching ones. He gripped the back of my neck, pressing his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes, more tears spilling down my cheeks.

“It remained, waiting for a chance to return to where it belonged,” Madison said and I sobbed, my shoulders shaking. Madison's hand flexed on my neck.

“It returned,” he said softly and I wept, unable to stop the sobs falling from my lips.

“You can't _know_ that,” I cried, shaking my head but not pulling back from him.

“You have your powers, and I have mine.” He turned his head, pressing a lingering kiss to my wet cheek. “It returned to where it belonged.” I sobbed my knee's buckling. Madison caught me, easing me to the ground where I hunched over Malcolm, holding him as tightly as I dared. Madison knelt before me, his arms enfolding me.

“I don't _deserve_...” I hiccuped.

“Yes you _do_ ,” he said. “You deserve a soft epilogue.” I wailed against his shoulder, my heart breaking into pieces at his words.

“You are a good person.” He brushed warm lips over my cheeks and down my nose, his hands cupping my jaw so I was forced to look at him.

“And you have suffered _enough_.” Those words broke me. I shattered against him, sobbing out the years of pain and regret, the anguish I had felt over a choice I had made as a scared teenager. 

Slowly, gently, his hands smoothed over my arms, back and cheeks, pulling me back together. I looked down at Malcolm and found him watching me. He didn't look confused or scared that his mother was falling apart or weeping uncontrollably. He seemed to be content just to be held by me. I curled into Madison, letting him pull me into his lap as he leaned back against my bed. My legs were draped over his thigh and my head rested on his shoulder as he held me, the only one who could understand this part of me, this pain I had. I never spoke about it to Garrett, I just couldn't. I had mentioned it to Cullen, in his room, curled against his chest after I had talked about my parents that one night, but I still hadn't told him what it was the tormented me. My door eased open and I felt Madison shift, looking up to see who it was. I didn't bother, too tired and raw to bother moving.

A calloused hand cupped my shoulder and bearded lips brushed over my cheek.

“Is everything all right?” Garrett asked as he knelt before us, gold eyes full of concern.

“Just an old pain,” Madison said, rubbing my back.

“Can I help?” my husband asked. I shook my head slowly, looking at Malcolm.

“It's not something you can fix,” Madison explained. “It's not something she can even talk about.”

“Can you tell me?” I tightened my grip on his bicep and he shook his head.

“It's not my place,” my friend said. “When she's ready, she'll tell you. But...it's hard for her. Just...be patient?” Garrett was silent, looking between me and Madison. He gently tilted my head back and pressed a soft kiss to my wet lips.

“For as long as you want, my love,” he said. I smiled, looking at him gratefully before curling back against Madison. Garrett made himself comfortable beside us, rubbing my legs. We sat in silence for a long time, Garrett seemingly at a loss for what to do.

“She doesn't talk about it,” Madison said suddenly. Garrett turned to him, brows arched.

“Why not?” he asked.

“She's ashamed.” Madison carded his fingers through my hair. “She regrets it. The time she told me was the first time she had ever really spoken about it, to anyone. I don't know if she had ever spoken about it even to her therapists.” I shook my head and Madison hummed.

“So I was the only one you talked to in depth about it?” I nodded.

“You can always tell me anything, baby,” Garrett assured, taking my hand. I gave him a weary smile and squeezed his hand.

“It's not that she doesn't trust you,” Madison said, putting a hand on Garrett's arm. “It's just so painful she can't voice it. She was drunk as shit when she told me and she bawled like a baby. Even though I know, she rarely speaks about it to me. She just...can't. One day, you'll know.” I closed my eyes, feeling raw and weary, unable to keep my eyes open anymore.

“I love you, Garrett,” I whispered in a weak voice.

“I love you,” he said, his breath fanning out over my lips. “More than I can ever say. Whenever you want to tell me, I'll be here. I'll _never_ judge you or make you feel bad for it.” I nodded, a single tear slipping down my cheek as I fell towards a deep slumber, curled against my friend, feeling calmed. It was as if it was Madison's presence that grounded me and I was struck with a sudden strange sensation. I had always been acutely aware of Madison, in a way I wasn't with anyone else. A single glance at him and I could tell what he was thinking, how he was feeling. I looked up at him and he smiled gently, tucking my hair behind my ear before leaning down and brushing a purely platonic kiss over my lips. Madison and I had tried to engage in more intimate acts once with Jin-Lee joining in. We had been drunk and she had suggested it, wanting to watch us together. We had gotten as far as him putting his hand between my legs before we had stopped. It was so awkward and felt so wrong that we had both recoiled. We had decided to both focus on Jin-Lee instead and while she had been disappointed, she had understood that we just couldn't bring ourselves to be physically intimate with each other. I loved him, not in a romantic way but no less intense. It was like he was a part of me and being without him was strange and left me feeling empty.  
Madison smirked at me, pulling me to his chest and rubbing my arm.

"I know," he said, reading my mind in the way only he could. " _I know_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who guessed what she's upset about, shhhh. Don't spoil it for others.


	67. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sad chapter. I'm sorry. Don't hit me!  
> It can't always be happy. Character development doesn't always happen in the light and sometimes requires a few tears for us to grow.  
>  _Words_ =Elvish

I stood in the Rotunda, Malcolm cradled in my arms, trying to jam his rattle in his mouth.

“ _What do you mean you're leaving after Corypheus is gone_?” I asked angrily.

“ _Just what I said_ ,” Solas said. “ _I must go_.”

“ _You're still planning on tearing down the veil!_ ” I accused.

“ _That was always the plan_,” he said coolly.

“ _Fen'bae_ ,” I pleaded.

“ _No_!” he barked. “ _No. Don't...don't call me that..._” I recoiled, pain blossoming in my chest. We fell silent, staring at one another a whimpering Malcolm in my arms.

“It hurts,” Cole's gentle voice came wafting from the door as he closed it behind him. “She loves you and you push her away. She wants to help, she thought you'd let her help, but now you push her away and look at her like she's not even a person, coldly, cruelly and she doesn't understand, because she thought you loved her, because you treated her like she was yours the way the man who called himself her father _should_ have...”

“Enough, Cole,” Solas snapped, turning from me.

“He hurts, an old pain from before, when everything sang the same,” Cole went on. “You're real, but not what you were meant to be. You are Freedom, he is Peace, a part of him. It changes everything, but it can't. They sleep, masked in a mirror, hiding, hurting, and to wake them... “

“Enough, Cole,” I said firmly. “Take Malcolm to his father, please.” I gently settled the baby in his arms, watching as his eyes went wide. Cole loved Malcolm and I knew it would be the one way to easily distract him.

“Yes, I will,” he said, turning and walking out the door, his gaze locked on the small child in wonder. When the door clicked closed, I spun towards Solas, storming over to him and grabbing his shoulder.

“I'm _real_ , Solas,” I said. “I'm _alive_. I laugh, I love, I _feel_. You _can't_ ignore that.”

“It can't change things,” he said, refusing to look at me.

“It _has_ , though,” I said. “I can _help_ you if you only let me.”

“Madam Seer,” he sighed.

“Say my _name_ ,” I ordered. “Don't call me by titles so I'm not human, not alive. Say. My. Name. _Solas_.” His head dropped and my name came forth in the form of a wretched sigh, his eyes clenched tightly shut. 

“I have to make it right,” he said finally.

“ _I know,_ ” I said. “ _But you could do it so no one dies. You just won't_.”

“ _It's not that easy!_ ” 

“ _It is! They have lived centuries cut off from the_ fade _while you slept. They can live a bit longer. It's you! You're so desperate to be connected to it again you don't even care if we all burn._ ”

“ _I do_ ,” he said mournfully.

“ _Don't lie to me, Solas_,” I hissed. “ _We're not even people to you. Don't pretend you care_.” Solas spun around, grabbing my shoulders tightly.

“ _I have done everything I could to keep you safe_!” he spat. _“I have searched the fade, trying to find some way to keep you safe! I would have never...don't say I don't care!_” His furious expression fell to one of sorrow and he loosened his grip.

 _“I can help you_ ,” I said. “ _Let me, Fen'bae. Don't pretend I'm not_ real _so it's easier. Don't lie and say we're not people. You made this world. Don't destroy it just because it's not how you wanted. Isn't that what they say the Maker did? Turned on us all because we made a few bad choices._ ”

“Da'lath'in,” he said softly, touching my cheek.

“ _Should I get Vallslin to be a rebel and piss you off_?” I asked. He shook his head, looking at me angrily.

“ _I'd just remove them,_ ” he said.

“ _Why_?”

“ _Because...because.._.” he said, stumbling.

“ _Because the thought of me bound to a false god who killed and enslaved people pisses you off. Because I'm real. Because I'm alive. Because it's not what I would have ever wanted. Because you fucking care!_ ” Solas flinched as my voice rose. I stopped, seeing his sorrowful gaze focused on the floor. 

“ _Will you really kill me?_ ” I asked in elvish. “ _Is my life worth so little that you won't even try?_ ” Solas lifted his gaze, settling it on me. I saw the pain in his eyes, the pain of watching his people chained as false gods proclaimed dominion over them. Knowing that they would continue to destroy their world when they slew Mythal. Bringing down the veil in a fit of rage, determined to free the world of the false ones only to realize he had made a _terrible_ mistake. Waking in a world not his own to see just how far-reaching his mistake was.

I saw the anguish of knowing that we were real, but he could see no other way. We laughed and loved and lived. We bled, we fought, we were people. He may have hated how far the Dalish had fallen, may have hated how Tevinter enslaved them, but he admired that each one of us had a goal, a life, a dream. 

“ _Your life is worth more to me than you know_ ,” he said. “ _I won't let you perish_.” I paused, unsure of what to say, how to take that.

“ _I can help you, Fen'bae,_ ” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. “ _You weren't wrong when you created the veil down. They would have killed us all. But you're wrong now. We can find a way._ ”

“ _How can you be so sure?_ ”

“ _I fell through another world into this one,_ ” I said. “ _If that's possible, anything is_.” Solas chuckled softly.

“ _You have boundless optimism,_ ” he said. “ _Very well, my little heart. We will try it your way._ ” I smiled, throwing my arms around his neck.

“ _You won't regret this,_ ” I said. “ _I promise_.” Solas remained silent, though his arms tightened around me and his face pressed into my neck where he took a deep breath through his nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Chapter! One more to go for today cause I love you guys.  
> Random Question:  
> So, our girl was never given a name. Did you guys want her to have one? Or do you like that she's nameless? Or have you secretly named her in your head? heehee.


	68. Open Up Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the last chappie for today! ♥♥♥

I grunted as a wave of ice knocked me off my feet. Garrett spun his staff, circling me slowly. I rolled to my feet, throwing a fireball at him as I slammed my staff into the ground, sending a wave of electricity at him. He cast nullify at the lightning, dodging the fireball so it slammed into the rocks behind him. I heard a whistle on the air and twirled around, casting a fire spell at the blunted arrow heading my way.

“ _Good_ , baby,” Garrett praised, aiming an ice spell at me. I jumped out of the way, calling to the earth so vines wrapped around my husband's legs. I was about to cast another spell at him when I saw Blackwall charging at me. I yelped, summoning an ice wall that he slammed into. He quickly climbed over the wall, surprisingly nimble in all that armor and swung his practice sword at me. I gripped my staff in both hands, bringing it up to block the blow. My arm muscle's screamed as I tried to push back against a much stronger Blackwall. I threw my weight against my staff before spinning to the side, causing Blackwall to stumble. I brought the practice blade in my staff down on him, only for him to lift his shield, blocking the blow. As another arrow flew towards me, I call upon the Fade to rain down fire, dodging out of the way. Blackwall held up his shield, ducking between fireballs while I called an ice wall before Madison who was hiding in the woods, shooting at me. I turned to where Garrett had been, satisfied that the other two wouldn't give me any more trouble but found him gone.

“Fuck,” I swore, just as a hand slipped over my neck, lightly trailing across it.

“I win,” Garrett said. I sighed, calling an end to my spells so the other two could join us.

“Dammit, I always get distracted,” I grumbled. 

“You did great, baby,” Garrett praised, tilting my head back and kissing my lips. “If it was an actual fight, you would have slaughtered us. You give yourself too little credit.”

“You've greatly improved, Madam,” Blackwall agreed, dusting his clothes off.

“I didn't even get a hit in,” Madison pouted. “You moved too much to get a clear shot.”

When I had fully recovered from giving birth, Garrett had outlined a strict training regime for me that included fighting against mages, archers, rogues, and warriors. He had even roped some of the Templar's into it, showing me how to get around their spells. 

I plopped down on a rock, taking a drink from the waterskin Garrett offered me. It had been a difficult regime to stick to, my muscles screamed in pain, but I had lost most of my baby weight pretty quickly because of it. I was even thinner now than I was before the pregnancy, something I liked a lot. 

“We'll call it here,” Garrett declared, glancing at the sky. “Malcolm will be hungry soon.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I'm starting to leak.” I pulled out my breast, milk beading on my nipple. Garrett bent down and took it in his mouth, cleaning it of the milk quickly before pulling back. My slit throbbed and I smirked up at him. He did it so casually. Blackwall coughed and blushed, turning and strolling back into Skyhold.

“You should put rags in your breast band,” Madison suggested.

“They kept falling out,” I sighed, rising to my feet and following Blackwall. The others trailed after me, Garrett running up to loop an arm around my waist. I leaned against him, smiling.

“Have I told you that I love you?” he asked, a grin on his face.

“Only twenty times today,” I teased.

“Twenty one it is then,” he laughed. “I love you. You were so hot out there.”

“Hey, take a chill pill, mister. We are not having sex.”

“Baby, we haven't had sex in _months_ ,” he complained.

“I do _not_ need to hear this,” Madison declared, rushing ahead of us to catch up with Blackwall.

“Garrett...” I sighed.

“You're healed. Why won't you let me _touch_ you?”

“I'm just embarrassed, okay?” I said, uncomfortably.

“ _Embarrassed_?” Garrett asked, pulling me to a stop. “Why?”

“Please...just...just _drop_ it,” I begged. He stared at me for a long moment, gold eyes searching my face.

“Why don't you go feed Malcolm,” he said. “I'm going to see if Orara would mind watching him tonight.”

“Garrett?” I questioned, but he was running back to the castle before I could stop him. I sighed and made my way to the throne room where Varric was cooing over a fussing Malcolm.

“Right on time,” the dwarf said. “The little one was getting hungry.” He handed him to me, pulling out a chair for me. I took it gratefully, pulling my tunic laces open and guiding my son's lips to my leaking nipple.

“What's up, Mom?” Varric asked. “You seem a little distressed.”

“Garrett's just upset with me,” I sighed, caressing Malcolm's hand that was gripping my breast.

“Why?”

“We haven't had sex since I gave birth,” I blurted out. Varric's amber eyes cut to me, a brow arched.

“Dare I ask why?” 

“My body's gone all funhouse mirror on me,” I complained. “It wasn't that nice beforehand and now it looks like a train wreck.”

“I have no idea what those things are, but from the context, I would guess that it's bad,” Varric said. “Look, Hawke loves you. He'll think you're hot no matter what. Let him see you naked. Take a bath in front of him or something. If he says one bad word, kick his ass.”

“Thanks, Varric,” I grumbled.

“No, I mean it,” Varric said. “Garrett isn't the kind of guy who will dump you when you're not young and beautiful anymore. He  _worships_ you. He's probably going to break the tension with a joke. Kick his ass and work out some of your anger then the two of you can hump like rabbits.” I laughed, perching Malcolm on my shoulder and thumping his back carefully until he let out a loud belch. I kissed Malcolm, sitting him on the table and mouthing his pudgy little belly. At three months, my son was a chubby little thing with a full head of jet-colored hair that tickled his round cheeks, hazel eyes rimmed with long dark lashes and the sweetest toothless grin. It wasn't hard to see why Garrett and I, as well as damn near everyone in Skyhold, were utterly in love with him. Malcolm laughed and smacked the top of my head, tugging at my emerald locks.

“Who's the cutest little boy?” I asked him. “Whose the sweetest little baby and has all of mommy's heart!” Malcolm squealed with joy before looking over my shoulder and clapping his hands. I looked up, finding Garrett behind me, his muscled arms crossed over his chest.

“Mamae better not be stealing all of Babae's kisses,” he complained, reaching around me and lifting our son into his arms. Malcolm reached out, grabbing his father's beard and pulling on it harshly.

“There's my strong man,” Garrett gushed, not the least perturbed by the pain. “So handsome and smart.” My husband showered our child with loud kisses on his chubby cheeks until the little boy squealed with laughter.

“You're as pretty as your Mamae,” he declared. “I can't wait to show you to the gang. They'll just love you. Yes, they will!” I giggled as Garrett baby talked his son, making faces at him. I snuck my hand into my pocket, pulling out my phone and snapping a picture of the scene before me. Garrett laughed at this, sliding next to me on the bench and peering over my shoulder.

As the screen was filled with the image of a laughing Malcolm and grinning Garrett, his eyes crossed and his mouth opened wide as he spoke to his son, Garrett groaned.

“Ugh, I look stupid,” he said. “Delete it. Where's that button.”

“Don't you _dare_!” I cried, snatching the phone out of his grasp. “It's _adorable_ and I want to keep it.”

“Mamae and her pictures,” Garrett sighed, looking down at his son, shaking his head. Malcolm looked at his father, reaching out and fingering one of the buckles on his armor. Garrett grinned, lifting the babe to his face and kissing him again.

“You, my boy, are gonna stay with Auntie Orara tonight,” he said. “Mamae and Babae need to have some adult time.”

Malcolm giggled, clapping his hands though I doubted he understood us. Orara walked over to us, grinning at Malcolm who reached for her eagerly.

One thing my son did not have, was fear. He quickly came to realize that people meant cuddles and kisses and sweets. Even Bull with his imposing figure and deep voice was a source of joy. Malcolm was free to hit and slap Bull and the massive man would just laugh and cheer him on. Orara took Malcolm who babbled eagerly at her, patting her chest.

“You kids have fun,” she said. “Malcolm will be in safe hands.”

“Then it's you and me, my love,” Garrett said, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. He bent over, placing a kiss on Malcolm's cheek, pulling back so I could kiss our son as well, before pulling me towards our room. I hesitated but Garrett just dragged me along, eagerly closing the door behind him. He almost tore his armor off, dropping it to the ground before doing the same to mine. His lips crashed into mine, hot and demanding as he tugged at the leather buckles. When the last arm guard came free, he grabbed my shirt hem, pushing it up quickly. I tore my lips from his and pushed him away, tugging my shirt back down. He stood there, eyes wide and lips swollen as he panted.

“No...I just...” I stammered, twisting my shirt. He heaved a sigh, walking over to the bed and plopping down on it. He put his elbows on his knee's, burying his face in his hands before running them through his hair.

“I'm _really_ trying to be understanding, baby,” he said. “But...my _wife_ hasn't let me touch her since our son was born.” I chewed my lower lip, not sure what to say. Garrett sat up, putting his hands on his knees. 

“Are you not attracted to me anymore?”

“ _What_?!” I cried. “Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?”

“I don't know,” he said. “I just can't help but think it's me.”

“It's not you. It's...I don't want you to see me naked.”

“Why?” he asked, confused.

“I...my body's gone all weird since the baby. I don't want you to be disgusted.” Garrett laughed, falling back on the bed and holding his stomach.

“I don't think it's _funny_!” I huffed, glaring at him.

“It's not, baby,” he said. “I'm just _relieved_.”

“Relieved?”

“Yes,” he said, motioning for me to come join him. I crawled on the bed, laying down beside him so my head rested on his bicep. He smiled down at me, pulling me up and wrapping his arms around me.

“Baby, you are _still_ sexy to me,” he said. “ _Nothing_ is going to change that.”

“You say that, but you haven't seen me,” I said.

“So show me,” he said. “Let me see my wife naked.” His hand moved to my side, slowly pushing my tunic up.

“Garrett...” I argued, moving to stop him. He swatted my hands away, kissing me.

“Let me see you,” he said. “Let me see the body that gave _my son_ life.” I smirked at the overly romantic line, seeing that he knew it was so from the glimmer in his golden eyes.

“ _Fine_ ,” I sighed. Garret beamed, rolling me onto my back and almost tearing my pants off. He tugged my smalls down my legs before moving to my tunic. His lips sealed over mine as he pushed it up, pausing when he got to my breast to undo my breastband. He pulled back enough to tug my tunic over my head before kissing me again. He leaned back slowly, golden eyes locked with mine as he moved to kneel beside me. Ever so slowly, his gaze traveled down my neck to my full, leaking breast, over my ribs to my belly with its wrinkled loose skin and dark stretch marks despite the creams I had rubbed on them. He reached down, gripping one of my legs and rubbing his fingers on the back of it, over my rump which had gotten bigger when my hips spread.

“You're beautiful.”

“I am _not_ ,” I scoffed. “Look at these stretch marks!”

“Those aren't stretch marks,” he said, moving down and kissing the dark bruises on my skin.

“Oh?” I hummed, watching him. “What are they?”

“You're a fucking tiger who got her stripes,” he said with his damned boyish grin. I stared at him for a moment before I began laughing uncontrollably. He joined in, crawling back up and wrapping his arms around me. We lay there, laughing together for a moment before we calmed.

“I love you,” I said. “You big cornball.”

“I love you. You sexy tigress, you.” We giggled, snuggling into each other and talking, mostly about Malcolm, telling stories and sharing our hopes for the future while Garrett rubbed my stomach. When night fell, I got dressed and we grabbed some bowls of stew before heading to the fire circle.

“Hey, Mamae!” Gethorn cried.

“Hey, isha'lin,” I greeted, hugging him.

“No baby?” Bull asked, arching a brow.

“He's with Orara tonight,” Garrett said. “Mamae and Babae needed some alone time.” I groaned as my goofball of a husband winked at them, nudging me with his elbow.

“Sweet maker, he's a father for three months and he's already making corny dad jokes,” I said, sitting on a log.

“My jokes are amazing, my love,” he said, sitting next to me.

“Amazingly _bad_ ,” I snorted. There was a rouse of laughter at this while Garrett stuck out his tongue at me.

“So, how are you liking motherhood?” Cullen asked.

“It's fine, I guess,” I said. “I don't really think about it much. I kind of just enjoy being with my son and doing things for him.”

“Or running around trying to get him back,” Garrett grumbled. “I never thought I would have to fight a group of warriors, rogues, and mages to change my kid's diaper!”

“He's too adorable not to steal,” Madison said. “You guys make some pretty babies.”

“He's so fucking cute,” Bull chimed in.

“And happy,” Dorian said. “He's the happiest baby I've ever seen.”

“He has two parents and an entire community who adore him,” Solas chuckled.

“I was so surprised just how much of a goofball loving dad Garrett is,” I said, suddenly. “He is so in love with his son, it borders on obsession.”

“You say that like it's a bad thing,” Garrett said with a grin.

“Fuck no!” I cried. “Don't you dare change. I'm thrilled.”

“You are a great mother, Mamae,” Gethorn gushed. “I'm kinda jealous of Malcolm.”

“Why?” I asked. “He shit's his pants.”

“Not that part!” Gethorn huffed while everyone laughed. “Just getting to be raised with so much love.” I reached over, grabbing Gethorn and hauling him into my lap like he was a baby.

“Want me to sing to you?” I asked with a smirk. He laughed, climbing off my lap and sitting between my legs with his head on my knee.

“Okay, now you can sing to me,” he said, shifting to get comfortable. I shook my head, running my fingers through his hair and leaning against Garrett.

“I thought you were gonna sing,” Gethorn complained.

“Not in front of everyone,” I said, shaking my head.

“C'mon, baby,” Garrett said, bumping my head on his shoulder. “You promised to sing me that song you were singing to Malcolm.”

“Oh for the love of...” I grumbled. “ _Fine_. Where's the booze?”

“Here,” Bull said, handing over his tankard. I took it hesitantly, knowing Bull drank like fucking Andre the Giant. I took a careful sip and coughed, thumping myself on the chest. I spat into the fire, looked at the cup and took a big drink, fighting the urge to gag as something that tasted like fucking rocket fuel washed over my tongue. I quickly pulled the mug away as my body tried to spew it back up, swallowing and forcing it to stay down. I shoved the tankard at Bull, making a face.

“ _Oh sweet Jesus,_ get that away from me,” I coughed. “Forget Druffolo piss, I could drink lantern fuel and have more brain cells left.” There was a rousing laughter at my comment and I reached over to Solas, snatching some elfroot out of the pouch at his hip and stuffing it in my mouth. He rolled his eyes at this but allowed it.

“Feeling sick?” Bull asked.

“I need to get that taste out of my mouth!” I cried. “ _Christ_ , it's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's puking.” Krem fell off the log he was sitting on, holding his stomach.

“ _Dammit_ Seer!” he exclaimed, still laughing.

“She's drunk,” Garrett said.

“ _Fuck_ yeah I am,” I said. “Well, tipsy. We could make bombs out of whatever Bull is drinking!”

“Mamae,” Gethorn whined. “ _Siiiing_.”

“Yes, yes,” I sighed, leaning back against Garrett. I cleared my throat, letting my eyes slip closed.

“A single rose left to remember,” I sang softly, hearing the tune playing in my head.  
“As a single tear falls from her eye  
Another cold day in December  
A year from the day she said goodbye.”

The circle fell silent, the laughter died down aside from the occasional chuckle as everyone began to listen. Garrett's hand rested on my lower back, thumb stroking gently.

“Seems it's only been a moment  
Since the angels took him from her arms  
And she was left there holding on to their tomorrow...”  
I shifted the tone of my voice, aiming to project it more to mimic the song.  
“But as they laid him in the ground  
Her heart would sing without a sound.  
For the first time, you can open your eyes  
And see the world without your sorrow  
Where no one knows the pain you left behind  
And all the peace you could never find  
Is waiting there to hold and keep you  
Welcome to the first day of your life  
Just open up your eyyyyyes.”  
The circle was completely silent aside from my voice and the crackling of the fire. I didn't open my eyes, knowing I would be more uncomfortable if I saw everyone staring at me. My voice dropped back to a gentle hum.

“A single lifetime lays behind her  
As she draws her final breath  
Just beyond the door, he'll find her  
Taking her hand he softly says.”  
My voice rose again, staying louder, much louder than I had sung to Malcolm as I rocked him to sleep the night before.

“For the first time, you can open your eyes  
And see the world without your sorrow  
Where no one knows the pain you left behind.  
And all the peace you could never find  
Is waiting there to hold and keep you  
Welcome to the first day of your life  
Just open up your eyes as I lay you down tonight  
Safe on the other side, no more tears to cry  
For the first time, you can open your eyes  
And see the world without your sorrow  
Where no one knows the pain you left behind  
And all the peace you could never find  
Is waiting there to hold and keep you  
Welcome to the first day of your life  
Just open up your eyyyyyyyyes.”  
I let my voice fade out, laying there for a moment as I carded my fingers through Gethorn's hair.

“That was beautiful,” Cullen said. I opened my eyes, looking out at the group and blushing. I had forgotten I had an audience.

“Why did you pick that song to sing to Malcolm?” Solas asked.

“Because one day, the pain ends,” I said softly. “I want him to remember that. Remember that it doesn't always hurt. We're not always people lost in a great big world. One day, we find our place and it stops hurting.” I looked at Garrett, then let my eyes trail to each member of the group that sat around the fire, a smile tugging at my lips.

“This too shall pass,” I said. “Pain ends. Sometimes it's as simple as opening your eyes and seeing what you have instead of looking back at what you've lost.” Solas stared at me for a long moment, blue eyes appearing darker in the fleeting light of the fire. He tipped his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Indeed,” he said.


	69. Show Me Your Moves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting Tonight because I won't get a chance tomorrow.

I stepped up to the war table beside Gethorn, my eyes falling on the map as I held Malcolm, perched on my hips.

“We need to plan our next move,” Gethorn said, bracing his hands on the table. “What's the state of the Inquisition?”

“Our alliance with Orlais holds for now,” Josephine said. “They'll send aid on request.”

“Your actions at Adament denied Corypheus his army of pet demons,” Cullen said. “With Orlais support, our numbers match his. Coreypheus's followers must be panicking.” At the sound of his voice, Malcolm jerked his head to stare at Cullen, squirming and reaching for him. Leliana smirked, her arms behind her back as she turned her gaze to us.

“My agents agree,” she said. “Your victories have shaken his disciples.”

“We've beaten their god twice over,” Gethorn snorted. “He must be livid. Where is he now?”

“After you dealt with the Duchess, Corypheus uprooted his major strongholds,” Cullen said. “He's moving south, to the Arbor Wilds.”

“Shit,” I swore. Four pairs of eyes turned to me and I realized I had said that out loud.

“You know something,” Gethorn asked.

“I know what Corypheus is looking for,” I said, adjusting the squirming Malcolm. “And we must keep it from him no matter what. Malcolm, my love, please stop squirming!” Malcolm let out a sob and reached for Cullen more.

"It seems Little Hawke wants to Commander," Josephine laughed. Cullen melted. It's the only word I can think to describe the looked of love, adoration, and flattery on his face. He walked over, lifting Malcolm from my arms and balancing him on his hip. The child smiled and reached up, patting Cullen's stubbled cheeks before pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips. We all laughed as Cullen discreetly wiped the baby spit off his face while Malcolm rested his head on the fur mantle and closed his eyes.

"That's so cute it's sickening," I sighed, smiling. "Anyway. Corypheus. We need to make sure he can't get his hands on what he's after."

“I couldn't agree more,” came Morrigan's voice as she waltzed into the war room.

“You also know what he's after?” Josephine asked, arching a brow.

“Yes,” Morrigan said.

“No,” I contradicted. “You think he's after an Eluvian, but that's not it.”

“Oh?” Morrigan questioned. “Pray tell what is he seeking, then?”

“The Well of Sorrows in the Temple of Mythal,” I said. “With its knowledge, he could destroy us all. We don't need its secrets, but we can't let him have it.”

“And why don't we need its secrets?” Morrigan inquired.

“Because I know what we would ask of it,” I said. “I know the answer.” I put my hands on the table, my eyes studying the intricate map. It was truly a beautiful piece of art that a cartographer had spent much time, painstakingly making. I eyed the delicately carved pieces that the adviser's placed to show their progress.

“Corypheus' dragon is not an archdemon,” I said. “It is a dragon that houses a piece of his soul. It is why he returned when Garrett killed him, it's why he will _keep_ returning. We must kill the Dragon before we kill Coreypheus. But we must destroy the well to keep it from Corypheus.”

“What is the well?” Gethorn questioned.

“An elven artifact dedicated to the goddess Mythal,” I said, before turning to the advisers. “We need to get to the Arbor Wilds. Josephine, have our allies sends scouts to meet us in the Wilds. Leliana, your fastest agents will join them. Together, we'll have enough spies to slow down Corypheus' army until Cullen's soldiers arrive. Morrigan, you will lend your expertise on Elven magic to the Adviser's.” I ignored Morrigan's curious look at my quick change of subject. I didn't want to tell her what the well was for fear it would only fuel her desire for it.

“Anything else?” Josephine asked with a grin. I smiled, batting my lashes.

“Have I told you all how wonderful you are lately?” I gushed. “Truly, there is no finer council than this one.”

“And we could have no finer cause,” Cullen said with a smile. I stood, turning to Gethorn.

“Pick who will go to the Arbor Wilds,” I said. “Solas should be there. I'm coming. Anyone else is up to you.”

“You?” Gethorn asked. I clicked my fingers, fire blooming in my palm and grinned.

“Yes, my dearest isha'lin,” I said. “Mamae is coming.”

“What about Malcolm?” Leliana asked. I looked over where my son was nestled against Cullen, dozing peacefully. 

“He will remain here with his father,” I said. “It will be a few weeks before we leave and he should be fully weaned by then.”

“I'm surprised Hawke is letting you go,” Cullen said, his brow arched. I paused, looking down at the map.

“He doesn't like it,” I said. “But...he can't stop me. He knows that. It's why he's put me through a fucking boot camp.”

“Yes, I've seen,” Cullen chuckled. I played with the fire still alight in my palm, leering at the Commander.

“Care to duel, Commander?” I purred. A grin spread across his lips.

“Yes,” he said. “Shall we test your new abilities?”

“Oh, please.” Cullen passed Malcolm off to Leliana, pressing a kiss to the child's brow when he fussed briefly and bowed, making a sweeping motion towards the door.

“After you, my lady.”

“Oh I need to see this,” Leliana snickered, following us as we made our way to the training grounds, a sleeping Malcolm cradled against her breast. Cullen discarded his mantle and coat, grabbing a practice sword and shield, turning to face me. I pulled my staff from my back, spinning it before tilting it so the blade was pointing behind me. We circled each other, Cullen lifting the shield and pointing it down slightly as I bent forward, my feet moving carefully over the grass. I waited, knowing he would strike first and he did, lunging forward and swiping at me with the sword. I jumped back, raising an ice wall that he slammed into painfully. I quickly fade stepped behind him, but he brought his shield up to block the blow I attempted to land, my staff clanging loudly against the metal. He gave a push and I lept back, trying to keep my balance. I stumbled on a stone, falling painfully to my back. Cullen raced towards me, baring down on me, but I put my feet on his stomach and kicked him to the side, throwing my weight to follow along so I rolled to my feet. I sprang back, putting distance between us so I could attack. Lightning crackled in my palm and I directed it at Cullen, making sure to keep it weak enough to merely sting. Cullen grunted in pain as the spell hit him and I followed it with a horror spell. Cullen groaned, gripping his head and stumbling, swiping his sword into the air. I charged him, gripping my staff with both hands and slamming it into his chest plate. I knocked us both off balance and we rolled on the ground. I shifted my weight, ensuring I would come out on top and slammed his hips down, putting my hand to his throat.

“I win,” I declared.

“Look again,” Leliana said. I turned my head to find to point of the sword hovering to my right side just above my throat. Cullen grinned at me, his brow beaded with sweat.

“Draw, madam?” he asked.

“You probably would have wiped the floor with me if you weren't holding back,” I said.

“I could say the same for you,” he remarked, dropping the sword and laying back on the grass, panting slightly. I bent down, pressing a kiss to his cheek and climbing off him. I offered my hand, helping him up and he took it, a grin on his lips.

“Good fight,” he praised. “I see your husband has been putting you through the ringer.”

“He wants me to make it out alive,” I said flippantly. Cullen's grip on my hand tightened and his amber eyes became sad.

“Yes, so do we all...”

“I...shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean...” I cursed my big mouth and insensitivity. Cullen pressed a kiss to my brow and moved to retrieve his mantle.

“We should spar again,” I said. Cullen slipped the mantle over his shoulders and turned to me, smiling.

“Yes, we should,” he agreed, then walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got one vote for no name and one vote for naming the OC.....sooo...I have no idea. <.<


	70. Dance With The Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the votes are in and it seems to be kind of even. I'll try and name her, sneak it in there without changing the style and overusing it.
> 
> I'm posting two chapters because they're both linked....also...don't hit me! <.<
> 
>  _words_ = Elvish

With preparations underway, Skyhold became a sort of organized chaos. Ravens spilled from the rookery in droves, at times seeming to turn the very sky black. Josephine worked tirelessly, composing one letter after another while Cullen rallied his troops and readied them for the upcoming battle. Garrett upped my training so that every day I fought someone different. Solas had even joined in, showing me just how green I was when it came to magic when he wiped the floor with me. I showed him a few new tricks though when I had flown into a rage when he mentioned what would happen if Coreypheus won if he got his hands on Malcolm and Gethorn. I had scorched the land for almost a mile before Gethorn had used the anchor to ground me. Calling magic to me was easy, returning it...not so much. Though the act of becoming an unstoppable raging mother had made Garrett carry me off to our room with great haste.

Madison became a beast with the bow, able to fire arrows almost as fast as Varric could, his shots so precise I had tested him with a slice of apple I threw as high as I could. He had nailed it dead in the center before it even started to fall. I had clapped my friend on the back, beaming at him.

“Coreypheus dies,” Madison said.

“Yes,” I agreed. “He does.”

It seemed the day to depart came all to soon as we stood at Skyhold's gates with a party consisting of Gethorn, myself, Madison, Solas, Bull, Dorian and Blackwall.  
Garrett stood off to the side, Malcolm balanced on his hip as he watched me.

“Our roles are reversed,” he said. “I'm usually the one going off to fight.”

“I know,” I said, securing the saddle bag on my mount, my hand smoothing nervously over the leather. He put his hand on my shoulder, gently turning me to face him.

“Hey,” he said softly, ducking his head to look into my eyes. “Come back to us?”

“Always,” I said, throwing my arms around his neck. His lips found mine in a desperate kiss, his arm holding me tightly against his body while Malcolm fussed and tugged at us. I pulled away, pressing a kiss to my son's lips, hugging him. He whimpered, tears forming in his big hazel eyes. He knew something was off and I didn't envy my husband in the weeks to come. Malcolm would no doubt be fussy, but hopefully, my absence wouldn't be too dire for him. I climbed into the saddle of my horse, leaning down to give Garrett and Malcolm one last kiss before I followed the departing party over the bridge.

I looked back, seeing Garrett leaning against the gate wall, bouncing Malcolm gently as he fussed. My husband lifted his hand in the air and I returned the gesture, feeling tears sting my eyes. Garrett and I hadn't been apart for so long in almost a year. It would be strange not to wake with him beside me, or have him pulling me into his arms. It would be even stranger not to wake to the soft cries of my child from his crib in our room or sing to him at night. A hand on my shoulder made me turn to where Madison had pulled his horse up beside mine.

“It'll be all right,” he said. “We'll be back before you know it.”

“It's strange the things you get used to,” I said. “I thought I would miss our world more, but I don't.”

“You miss a few things,” Madison said with a grin.

“I miss camera's,” I huffed. “I wish I could print all these pictures I take instead of just having them on my phone.”

“Have you tried asking Dagna?” Madison questioned.

“Yes,” I said. “She said she would have to completely dismantle my phone to see how it works and she couldn't even guarantee she could do it, much less restore the phone.”

“Ahhh,” Madison said. “Well, she may be able to invent some kind of camera herself.”

“Here's hoping,” I said. We fell silent for a moment, both lost in our thoughts.

“We haven't gotten to talk a whole lot since you had Malcolm,” he said.

“No, I suppose we haven't,” I sighed. “I've been so busy with my husband's boot camp and the baby, some days, I don't even see you.”

“I miss our jokes,” he said. I grinned.

“Just calm down, John, just calm down,” I said, quoting our favorite skit from 'The Whitest Kids You Know' which depicted Abraham Lincoln as an asshole at Ford's Theater until a fed up John Wilks Booth had beaten him to death with a hammer.

“Listen to the woman, John,” Madison chimed in. “Just calm down!” We laughed, grinning at each other stupidly while the others shook their heads.  
The Journey passed quicker with Madison and I talking like we used to before we had come to Thedas. We would act out comedy skits from our time, making everyone laugh and trying to keep spirits high. I noticed that everyone had preferences. Bull and Blackwall liked anything from 'The Whitest Kids You Know' while Solas and Dorian seemed to prefer Monty Python. Cullen would fall into stitches at George Carlin jokes while Morrigan had giggle-snorted at jokes from the movie Airplane. Gethorn thought everything was hilarious and waited eagerly for Madison and me to start our back and forth.

“Today we have in the studio Mister Raymond Luxury Yacht,” I began one day as we road.

“No, no, that's not my name,” Madison replied in a proper voice.

“I'm sorry,” I said. “Mister Raymond Luxury Ya-cht.”

“No, you see,” Madison began, “it's spelled Raymond Luxury Ya-cht. But it's pronounced Throat Wobbler Mangrove.” I let a pregnant pause fall before I turned and looked at my friend.

“You're a very silly man and I refuse to interview you,” I declared, sticking my nose in the air amidst the rouse of laughter.

“Ahhh, antisemitism!” Madison accused, wagging a finger at me.

“Not at all!” I said. “It's not even a real nose!” I reached over and plucked the massive leaf he had been using as a false nose from his face.

“It's poly-styrene!” I pointed out.

“Hey!” Madison cried. “Give me my nose back!”

“You can pick it up at reception, now go away,” I said, moving the leaf out of his reach.

“But I want to be on television!” he huffed.

“Well you can't,” I hummed, turning away from him. Our group laughed, enjoying the break after a stressful fight with a group of bears.

“I will miss you two when this is all over,” Bull sighed, grinning at us.

“Miss us?” I huffed. “You're ass better visit when you're in Kirkwall! I will track you down! You wouldn't dare deprive sweet little Malcolm of his favorite sparring partner, would you?” Bull chuckled, shaking his head.

“No,” he said. “No, I wouldn't.”

“I expect all of you to write!” I declared. “Hear me, Cullen? I want _letters_ from your ass. I'll get your sister to help me track you down and we'll show up with clubs and shit.”

“Yes, yes,” he appeased. “I promise.”

“I want to know where you guys go so I can come surprise you!” I said.

“You plan to come to Tevinter, then?” Dorian asked.

“Damn straight!” I cried. “I'll dress up like a noble and walk into your house.”

“You _are_ a noble,” Madison pointed out.

“Oh, right,” I said. “I keep forgetting. Anyway, those of you that travel better come see me when you're in the area. I mean it!”

“Yes, ma'am,” Blackwall chuckled.

“Good!” I said firmly with a nod. “Fen'bae? You're awfully quiet!” Solas laughed, urging his horse closer to me.

“You know I will, ashalan,” he said, taking my hand in his and kissing the back.

“Good,” I said, leaning over and kissing his cheek.

We soon arrived at the Arbor Wilds and immediately began making our way to the temple. It was here my battle skills were truly tested and I was very grateful my husband had insisted on upping my training. I spun my staff wildly as I ran into battle, my hair tightly braided around my head and my clothes consisting of a light armor. I shot spell after spell, turning my staff to its blade when I needed to. Madison remained at my back, his arrows whizzing over my shoulders with deadly accuracy. We had discovered that if I cast a light fire spell at his arrows, I could set them aflame without destroying them or having him risk damage to his bow or himself by holding a flaming arrow.  
When we finally got to the temple, we quietly snuck in, watching as Corypheus tried to pass the Elvhen that barred his path. The pillars on either side of the bridge lit up with power, focusing on him as he attempted to move toward the temple. The elves watched, backing away as he fought against the magic. I stared as everything exploded, Corypheus vaporizing and the resounding blast taking out all those nearby. Sampson and his men appeared from their safe haven and ran across the bridge, ignoring the corpses that littered the stone.

“Let's _go_!” I called, leaping over the railing and dashing after him.

“Corypheus is dead,” Solas said, confused.

“No, he's not,” I said. “Move it, before he revives!” Madison was already running to the doors, calling back for them to hurry while I pushed from behind. At the sound of gagging, the others stopped, turning to look at a dead Warden that spasmed as black bile poured from his mouth.

“ _GO_!” I shouted and we took off running to the temple. Once inside, we closed the doors just as the cries from the Magister's dragon rent the air. The magics of the temple rippled over the door, sealing it behind us and ensuring that Corypheus would need to find another way to follow.

“It seems you were correct about the Well of Sorrows, Seer,” Morrigan said.

“Was there ever any doubt?” I asked.

“I don't understand,” Gethorn said. “We saw Corypheus die.”

“But his life force passed on to another blighted creature,” Morrigan said.

“It's why we must destroy the Dragon first,” I said.

“Archdemons posses the same ability,” Morrigan hummed.

“We can discuss it later,” I said. “We need to get to Sampson.”

We moved further into the temple, coming upon the first puzzle. Gethorn tried the door while Morrigan and I examined the altar.

“We have to complete the ritual,” I said. I stepped on the stone blocks around the altar, watching as they lit up, the blue glow flaring up along the engraved markings on them. I jumped from one block to the next, careful to move in such a way that I didn't step on the same block twice. When all the blocks glowed there was a hum of magic and the door at the top of the stairs lit up. I jumped down and walked to the doors, pushing them open with Bull's help. In the next room, Sampson was setting off an explosion to get around the doors and get to the Well of Sorrows quicker. He glared at us, calling to his men to hold us off. Red Templar's appeared from behind pillars and railings, aiming their weapons at us while the former Kirkwall Templar jumped through the hole he had created. I pulled my staff from my back, quickly casting barriers around everyone before running into the fight. I blocked a Templar's sword with my staff, placing my foot on his stomach and shoving him back. An arrow flew over my shoulder and I set it alight, watching as if lodged in the small gap in the man's helmet, killing him instantly. I turned, casting lightning on the archers on the balcony, watching as they spasmed under the spell before falling. A few tumbled over the railing, landing with a sickening crunch on the stone below. I heard a cry at my back and spun around the find a Templar raising his sword, ready to strike me. I used Mind Blast to knock him back, spinning my staff to its blade and shoving it into the man's neck. He let out a gurgle as blood spilled from his mouth, colored a strange orange. I jerked my staff back, and directed it at another Templar, freezing him in a block of ice. I cried out as an arrow managed to slip through the gap in my armor and lodged in the back of my shoulder. Madison quickly turned, killing the other archer with three arrows to the throat. It wasn't long before all the Templar's lay dead and we were downing health potions for our wounds. I had screamed and swore colorfully when Solas pulled the arrowhead from my arm, slapping a poultice on the wound that burned like a mother fucker. Gethorn moved to the chasm, peering down after Sampson.

“Hold a moment,” Morrigan said, grabbing Gethorns arm and pulling him back. “While they rush ahead, this leads to our true destination.” She pointed to a massive set of doors behind us that glittered in the sparse light of the temple. “We should walk the petitioner's path, as before.”

“Just a thought, maybe rushing through this place like a mad bull isn't the best plan,” Dorian said.

“In this case, I must agree with the witch,” Solas said. “This is ancient ground, deserving of our respect.”

“You see the urgency,” Morrigan said. “We cannot find the Well of Sorrows unprepared.”

“We don't know what's behind those doors,” Gethorn argued. “They might have a reason for going another way.”

“They're morons,” I said. “That's their reason.” Everyone turned to me, gazes curious at what I knew.

“Mamae?” Gethorn asked.

“We should do the rituals,” I said. “We can split up to do them faster.”

“Alright,” Gethorn said.

“Solas, Gethorn, and Bull,” I called out. “You go west. Madison, Blackwall, and Morrigan follow, there's another puzzle in the same room. Dorian, you're with me.”

We split up, Dorian and I going east while the others went west. In truth, I wanted to get out of the temple quickly. It felt strange. Everything seemed to shimmer the same way Cole did and vibrate. My skin itched and my insides felt like an anxious mess. Though some of that may have been anticipation for what was to come.

Dorian and I made it to the puzzle and I quickly began lighting the stones in the required sequence. Dorian watched, his gaze flitting to the murals and statues that decorated the temple.

“I can't believe the Imperium would destroy all this,” he said, mesmerized.

“The Imperium didn't destroy this,” I said, distractedly as I watched my feet.

“ _What_?” he asked, shocked.

“The Elvhen destroyed themselves,” I said, jumping on the last stone. “Tevinter conquered a dying nation. If the Elvhen had been whole, Tevinter wouldn't have stood a chance.” I stepped down from the platform, walking to the other mage.

“Tevinter wasn't the boogie man under the bed,” I said. “They did shitty things and many of its people continue to do shitty things. But they're not the only ones.”  
I turned and began making my way back to the main room to meet up with the others.

“Seer!” Dorian called. I stopped, turning to look at him.

“Thank you,” he said. I smiled and nodded to him before dashing up the stairs.

The others met us in the main room before the glowing door, looking at one another, unsure. I reached out touching the door and a shiver running up my spine at the magic I felt there. The door eased open and we walked through, looking around at the chamber that had remained untouched by the natural world. It was magnificent, with glimmering floors and shining statues.

“'Tis not what I expected,” Morrigan said. “What was this chamber used for...?” Solas and I shared a look before moving forward. I heard the doors close behind us and felt the air shift as the Sentinels appeared behind us, bows trained on us.

“We're being watched,” Gethorn said. We stopped before the balcony at the end of the room, looking up as Abelas strolled forward, his gaze raking over us with disapproval.

“Venavis,” he greeted. “You...are unlike the other invaders. You stumble down our path at the side of one of our own. You bear the mark of magic which is...familiar.” Abelas paced the balcony, his hood obscuring his features. “How has this come to pass? What is your connection to those who first disturbed our slumber?”

“They are my enemies, as well as yours,” Gethorn said.

“We are not here to fight you, Abelas,” I said. “We wish to aid you and the Sentinels.” Abelas turned to me slowly, his tattooed brows lifted in surprise.

“You know of me?” he asked.

“ _I do_ ,” I said, switching to elvish. “ _We wish to keep the vir'abelasan from the Magister who would use it to destroy the world._ ” Abelas's jaw dropped.

“ _You speak my tongue?_ ” he asked. I nodded. He moved closer to the edge of the balcony, pale eyes fixed on me.

“ _If you think these tricks will mean I show you to the Well..._ ” he began.

“ _I do not_ ,” I said. “ _One does not obtain permission to drink from the vir'abelasan. One obtains the right._ ” His lips twitched in a smirk.

“ _Indeed_ ,” he said.

“We need the Well,” Morrigan hissed.

“I would prefer it destroyed, to be honest,” I said. “Would you not agree to this to be the best course of action, Abelas?” He rose and I could see a certain respect in his gaze.

“Indeed,” he said.

“Help us defeat those who plague your temple and we shall leave,” I said. “We have no quarrel with you.”

“Very well,” Abelas said. “You will be guided to those you seek. As for the vir'abelasan...it shall not be despoiled, even if I must destroy it myself.” Abelas turned, running through the door behind him.

“No!” Morrigan cried, turning into a bird and giving chase.

“For fuck's sake, Morrigan!” I shouted. “Gods damned power hungry...forget it.”

“Da'lath'in,” Solas said gently, pointing to one of the doors where a Sentinel waited to guide us. I sighed, deciding that there was no choice but to follow. I walked to the woman, bowing when I got to her.

“Ma serranas,” I said. Her lips twitched in a smirk beneath her hood and she turned, leading us through the door. We followed as the silent woman guided us through the winding tunnels, opening hidden doors that revealed rooms untouched by time. I marveled at them, taking in their beauty with breathless wonder. If we strayed too far, our guide would bark at us to remain close and not dally.

“ _Forgive me,_ ” I had said when she shot me an annoyed look as she barked at me for the fourth time. “ _It's so beautiful._ ” She had paused, nodding her head slightly before turning back to the path, walking a bit slower than before.

 _“I have walked these halls for so long I no longer see their beauty,”_ she said.

“ _How long have you lived?_ ” I asked. She paused, thinking for a moment.

“ _In truth, I have forgotten_ ,” she replied.

“ _May I ask your name?_ ” I questioned. She peered over at me from beneath her hood and I saw her eyes were the same striking violet color as Gethorn's.

“ _You are strange for a Shemlen_ ,” she remarked.

“ _Thank you,_ ” I chirped, grinning. She laughed softly and turned her gaze back to where she was going.

“ _Shassa_ ,” she said after a time. “ _My name is, Shassa_.”

“ _Oh, that's a pretty name!_ ”  I exclaimed. “ _It's a pleasure to meet you, Shassa_.” Shassa smiled at me.

“ _It is a surprising pleasure to meet you as well_ ,” she said. Solas chuckled as I walked beside Shassa, chatting with her as we walked.

“ _You are like a child_ ,” she said, giggling. “ _You ask a million questions and see everything as new._ ”

“ _I'm sorry,_ ” I said. “ _If I am bothering you, I will stop._ ”

“ _No_ ,” she said, shaking her head. “ _It is...endearing..._ ”

Shassa lead us to a door, stopping. She looked at me, nodding her head.

“ _Here is where I leave you,_ ” she said. I curtsied low to her, my knees almost touching the floor.

“ _You have my eternal thanks for showing us the way_ ,” I said. “ _And answering all my questions_.” She stared at me for a long time, her violet gaze searching my face.

“ _If all shemlans are like you, perhaps they are not so bad,_ ” she said. “ _It was a pleasure._ ” She turned and began walking back the way she came. We opened the doors, running out into the rooms.

“The Well of Sorrows,” Gethorn breathed.

“How has such magic lasted?” Dorian asked.

“Fight on!” came Sampson's voice. “An army of these bastards won't stop us!” My heart thudded in my chest and I ran down the steps to where the Sentinels were fighting Sampson and the Red Templar's.

“ _Stop_!”  I cried, brandishing my staff. “I won't let you hurt these people anymore!” Sampson looked at the bodies of the Elvhen littering the ground and leered at me.

“ _People_? Ha!” he snorted.

I snarled, furious at his dismissal of these people. Sampson's eyes moved to the group behind me, their weapons at the ready.

“Inquisitor,” he sneered. “You and those elf things don't know when to stop! You've hunted us half across Thedas. I should have guessed you'd follow us into this hole.”

“Your reserves are gone,” Gethorn said, walking up to stand beside me. “So is the Lyrium. Isn't it time to stand down?”

“To enjoy the mercy you showed our brothers and sisters?” Sampson asked with a barking laugh. “No thanks.” He held out his arms as his men flanked him and I tightened my grip on my staff, ready to cast my spells at a moments notice.

“Coreypheus chose me twice,” Sampson bragged. “Once as his general and now as the vessel for the Well of Sorrows. You know what's inside the well? Wisdom. The kind of wisdom that can scour a world.” Sampson turned from us and I seethed, fighting to hold my tongue. Sampson looked towards the well, holding his arms out to it.

“I give it to Corypheus,” he said. “And he can walk into the fade without your precious anchor.”

“Coreypheus already caused one disaster,” Gethorn said. “Help him now and he'll rip the world apart.”

“I'm helping him to reshape it,” Sampson said. “He's had centuries to make ready. You're no match for Coreypheus. Even if you drink from the well, you'll never master it's wisdom as he could.”

“It's pointless, isha'len,” I said, glaring at Sampson. “He's mad. He won't listen to reason.”

“It's not too late, Seer,” Sampson said. “Coreypheus wants you to help his cause.”

“I would rather die,” I spat, glaring at him. “I will never let Corypheus have me or my powers!”

“Have it your way,” Sampson said, flexing so his armor gave off a blast of power that made me nauseous.

“This is the strength the Chantry tried to bind,” he gloated, parading around like a peacock. “It's a new world now, with a new god. So, Inquisitor, how will this go? Or should I ask your Seer.”

“Power's all well and good until it's taken away,” Gethorn said with a grin, pulling out the rune Dagna had made and activating it. There was a powerful pulse of energy and Sampson cried out in pain as the lyrium in his armor shattered. He fell to the ground, gasping for breath and I could only imagine the special kind of agony he was in right now. Cullen had once described lyrium withdraw to me and the rune was designed to rapidly purge Samson of all Lyrium.

“What..what did you do to me?” he gasped.  “My armor...is gone...the lyrium...I need it!” He rose to his feet, glaring at us murderously while his lackey's shuffled restlessly.

“Kill them all!” he gasped, his legs shaking with the effort to stay standing. I watched him uncork a vial of red lyrium and down it, cringing. We wouldn't need to kill Samson. He was already dead.

The behemoth's charged at us, swinging their massive fists. Bull, Blackwall, and Gethorn ran forward, swinging their weapons at the monsters while Solas, Dorian and I cast barriers and began hammering them with spells, Madison running around the perimeter, firing arrows at them. We focused on the Templar's, mostly keeping Samson at bay. I called to the trees in the area, watching as roots burst forth from the ground, wrapping around Samson and pinning him in place. I called a wave of lightning, shocking the Red Templar's while our front defense hacked away at them. Madison aimed his bow, firing between Bull's horns and landing several arrows in a Knight's face. Around us, Sentinels appeared, wielding bows or swords. One man even held a giant hammer aloft, bringing it down on a knight and breaking his arm. We quickly paired off, one of our mages adding one of their warriors or rouges and vice versa. I paired with a male who brandished a beautifully made sword with grace and skill that made me envious. He smirked at me when I lit the tip of his blade aflame, casting an ice spell at the base so it wouldn't hurt him. The hot sword sliced through his opponent like butter, hacking off limbs. The behemoth seemed unperturbed by the loss of limbs and continued to fight. When he began charging us, I brought up an ice wall, casting a barrier on the both of us.

“ _What's your name?_ ” I asked over the roar of battle.

“ _Soriel_!” he yelled. “ _Yours_?” 

"Michelle!" I cried back. The behemoth slammed it's one fist into the ice, again and again, trying to break through while Soriel lept atop the wall and swung his still flaming sword, decapitating the monster. The body swayed before collapsing to the ground and Soriel and I turned to aid the others.

I heard my name screamed and turned to find Samson behind me, swinging his massive sword in a great arch. It made contact with my middle and I was flung back, my armor having saved me from being split in two. Soriel jumped in between Samson and me, parrying his next blow while I coughed and tried to regain my breath. I knew the blow had broken a few of my lower ribs and downed a healing potion to stop any internal bleeding the blow had caused. Using my staff, I stumbled to my feet, quickly setting Soriel's blade alight once more before freezing the hilt. More fire flew from my fingers, pelting Samson though he seemed unaffected by it. He pulled out another vial of red lyrium, swallowing it in one gulp. I watched in horror as he seemed to expand, his body growing from the tainted liquid. Soriel clashed blades with him, trying to hold off the much bigger man, his arms shaking from the strain of doing so. I cast a stone fist, the rock hand slamming into him so he bowed under the weight of it. Samson downed more tainted lyrium and I called to Soriel to retreat. He jumped back as I cast an ice spell on Samson's legs, freezing him in place.

“ _Hurion! I need you!_ ” Soriel cried. The elf with the massive hammer swung at his own opponent once more as Dorian froze the knight in a pillar of ice. The knight was crushed and Hurion came rushing over.

“ _You always do, my heart,_ ” the male teased. Soriel rolled his eyes while I laughed. Dorian joined me and we began pelting Samson with lightning and fire spells as Soriel and Hurion swung their weapons at him. Hurion would land heavy blows at the former Templar while Soriel ducked around him, stabbing at the tainted man.

“ _Filthy shemlan_!” Hurion hissed. Samson downed even more lyrium, shaking off the blows and growing even larger.

“You can't defeat me!” he gloated. “This is the true power of Corypheus!” I tossed Dorian a lyrium potion then swallowed one myself, feeling it's power wash over me.

“Corypheus's power is a lie!” I yelled as Solas came to aid us, snatching up the lyrium I handed him and draining the vile. “He won't win!”

“He will!” Samson boasted. “And when he does he will take you, enslave you, make you his!”

“Never!” I cried.

“Wait 'till you hear what he has in store for your son and that filthy 'Inquisitor' you love so much!” Samson taunted and my heart froze in my chest before it began beating wildly. The former Templar leered at me, his eyes holding promises of things that made me sick to think of. My blood burned in my veins and the Veil warped violently, my hair lifting with an unseen force.

“EVERYONE GET BACK!” Solas screamed. Power, raw power bled from my fingertips. How dare this piece of trash talk of my sons? How dare he even think of my sweet little Malcolm or Gethorn? A gentle blast of willpower pushed my allies away as a scorching fire was flung from my hands, engulfing Samson. The barrier between the flames and my hand faltered, but I barely noticed.

“You will NEVER touch my sons!” I screamed, my voice like a violent storm, sounding over the roar of battle and making everyone pause. I cried out, blasting Samson with as much raw power as my anger lent me. Samson buckled under the weight of it, fighting to get to the lyrium vials.

“You want lyrium?” I hissed. “You can have it!” I directed a blast at his belt, causing the vials to shatter, soaking him with the foul substance. He grew larger, crying out in pain as he did, gripping his head and struggling. He shrunk back down, trying to stay on his feet as my magic went haywire on him. Hurion dashed forward, swinging his hammer at Samson and knocking the man to the ground where he stayed. I tried to return my power, but it flooded my body, making me scream as I fought against it. I gripped my head, clenching my eyes shut as I struggled, my knee's bumping each other as I bent them, my feet as far apart as they could go in such a position.

“GETHORN!” Dorian screamed. “GROUND HER! GROUND YOUR MOTHER BEFORE SHE KILLS US ALL!” Gethorn slammed his dagger into the neck of the knight he was fighting, not even bothering to watch the man die as he turned to me.

“Return it, ashalan,” Solas urged.

“I can't!” I whimpered, falling to the ground, my nails digging into the stone. “I can't!” Gethorn wrapped his arms around me the moment his body slammed into mine, the anchor glowing brightly. The excess magic was sucked back into the fade and I slumped against Gethorn, panting.

“By the gods,” Soriel gasped. “Remind me to never mention her children.”

“A wise choice,” Solas said. “It's a bit of a soft spot for her. We need to work on you returning the excess power, da'lath'in.”

“I know, Fen'bae,” I panted, rising to my feet with Gethorn's help.

“What do we do with him?” Dorian asked, motioning to an unconscious Samson.

“Tie him up,” I said. “Strip that fucking armor off of him. We can decide his fate later. Corypheus won't want him now that he's failed.”

“I can't believe he's still breathing after that,” Blackwall said, amazed. “I thought she would bring down the whole temple.”

“She almost did,” Hurion said. I groaned as I tried to move. My entire body throbbed with pain and when I looked at my palms, I saw they were red and the skin was peeling. Solas came over and poured a potion over my palms that had me swearing colorfully.

“Fuck! That hurts!” I snapped, glaring at him.

“I know, ashalan,” he cooed, stroking my hair. “I'm sorry, this will hurt more.”

“Wha- _AGHHHHHH_!” I screamed out as Solas pumped magic into me, healing my broken ribs which had shifted, the act of moving them back into place making black dance around my vision. I sobbed in relief as the pain faded, leaning against Madison who held me still as Solas healed me.

“That blow lacerated your spleen,” he commented. “It was a good thing you took a healing potion.”

“ _Ouw_ ,” I complained weakly into my friend's neck, clutching at his armor. Solas finished and turned to aid Dorian in healing the others.

Abelas appeared from a side door, his hands glowing as his own magic created a set of stairs that led up to the well. A crow followed, flying overhead before him, trying to get there before he did. We all jumped to our feet, following the two while the others elves stayed behind. Abelas came to a stop as Morrigan changed back into a human, putting herself between him and the well. He looked back at me as I stopped behind him, glaring at Morrigan.

“You heard his parting words!” Morrigan growled. “He seeks to destroy the Well of Sorrows.”

“So the sanctum is despoiled at last,” Abelas said angrily, casting his pale eyes to me accusingly.

“No, it's not,” I said. “I won't allow this, Morrigan. The well should not be drunk!”

“You would see such knowledge destroyed?” she asked.

“Better it is destroyed then bestowed upon the undeserving,” Abelas sneered at her.

“Fool!” Morrigan hissed. “You'd let your peoples legacy rot in the shadows.”

“That is not for you to decide!” I snapped.

“If Samson thought the wells knowledge was valuable, maybe it could help us stop Corypheus,” Gethorn said.

“I care not for your petty conflicts,” Abelas said.

“You'll care when Coreypheus arrives for the well,” Gethorn snarled.

“The well clearly offers power,” Morrigan said, turning to Gethorn, no doubt seeing that I was a lost cause in her quest. “If it can be turned against Corypheus, can you afford not to use it.” Abelas shook his head, opening his mouth to say something but I beat him to it, springing between them and the well.

“Do you even know what you ask?” I questioned desperately. “Do you even truly know what this is?”

“What is it?” Morrigan asked snidely, her sun-colored eyes locked on me.

“As each servant of Mythal reached the end of their years they would pass their knowledge on, through this,” Abelas said, motioning to the well with a sadness in his eyes. “All that we were, all that we knew...it would be lost forever.” I paused. I had forgotten that part. I was so focused on Corypheus not getting the well but not burdening Morrigan or Gethorn with it I had forgotten that it held so much knowledge of the Elvhen people, a knowledge that would be lost forever if it was destroyed.

“So you would rather it destroyed?” Gethorn asked, looking at me then Abelas. I was at a loss, looking to Abelas who turned his sorrowful gaze to the rippling waters.

“There are other places, friend,” Solas said. “Other duties. Your people yet linger.”

“Elvhen such as you?” Abelas asked his tone a bit off.

“Yes,” Solas said, his tone carrying an underlying hostility. “Such as I.”

“You have shown respect to Mythal,” he said after a time. “And there is a righteousness in you that I cannot deny. Is that your desire? To partake of the vir'abelasan as best you can? To fight your enemy?”

“Gifts like this don't come freely,” Gethorn said.

“No boon of Mythal was ever granted without cost,” Abelas said with a certain amount of bitterness. He turned, walking to the edge of the platform, his gaze sweeping over the temple as if the magnificent structures could grant him an answer. He turned slightly so we could see his profile, the slave markings standing out in sharp relief against the paleness of his skin.

“The vir'abelasan may be too much for a mortal to comprehend,” he said before turning back to us. “Brave it if you must, but know you this; you shall be bound forever to the will of Mythal.”

“Bound?” Morrigan scoffed. “To a goddess who no longer exists, if she ever did?”

“Bound as we are bound,” Abelas said. “The choice is yours.”

“Are you leaving the temple?” I asked.

“Our duty ends,” he said, reaching up and pushing his hood back. “Why remain?” His head was shaved at the sides so only the top and back of his snow-white hair remained. The long locks were bound in a single braid that disappeared into his hood. Those pale eyes locked on me, one brow quirked.

“The Imperium went to great lengths to expunge elven history,” Dorian said. “You might be the last to know the truth.”

“Would the 'elves' of your land even listen to the truth?” Abelas asked, unable to keep the distaste from his voice.

“They might,” Dorian encouraged. “Would it hurt to try?”

“It may shemlan, yes,” Ableas said. “It may be only the blissful sleep of uthenra awaits us. If fate is kind.”

“You could come with us,” Gethorn offered. “Fight Coreypheus. He killed your people.”

“We killed ourselves, long ago,” Abelas said sadly.

“Malas Amelin ne halam, Abelas,” Solas said. A small smile tugged at Abelas' lips and he nodded to Solas. We watched as he walked away, not looking back at the very thing he had lived centuries protecting. I watched him leave, my heart breaking. The last of his world was gone, the last thing had lived for would be taken. A world he didn't know stretched out before him and he would have to find his purpose in it. He paused, turning to look back at us and I smiled at him, lifting my hand in a small wave. He returned the gesture with a nod before he slipped through a side door, the other elves following.  
We turned back to the well of sorrows, the eluvian gleaming on the other side of it.

“There is an Eluvian,” Morrigan remarked.

“Yes,” I said. “Mythal's Eluvian. The well is the key to it.”

“All the more reason for us to use the well,” Morrigan said. “If we take the well, it will be no more use to Corypheus than glass. I did not expect the well to feel so...hungry.”

“Let's not be reckless,” Gethorn cautioned. “I don't want anyone getting hurt.” Morrigan stared into the water, entranced by it. I could understand her fascination. The well called to me like a siren, the hum of magic making my own reach out.

“I am willing to pay the price the well demands,” Morrigan said, her voice breaking me out of my trance. “I am also the best suited to use its knowledge in your service.”

“Or more likely, to your own end,” Solas said.

“What would you know of my 'ends', elf?” Morrigan snapped.

“You are a glutton drooling at the sight of a feast!” Solas cried angrily, moving closer to Morrigan. “You cannot be trusted!”

“I would agree, isha'len,” I said. “For more reasons than trust alone, Morrigan should not drink from the well.” Morrigan sent me a withering glare but turned to Gethorn.

“Of those present, I alone have the training to make use of this,” she said. “Let me drink, Inquisitor.”

“I could do it,” Gethorn offered.

“ _Absolutely_ not,” I said, causing everyone to turn to me. “I won't allow you to be bound to the will of Mythal!”

“Then who?” Gethorn asked. I looked around, my heart sinking. I wanted to well destroyed, but I also didn't want the Elvhen to lose such a vital part of their history and knowledge.

“I will,” I said. Morrigan scoffed.

“You are no better than I!” she accused.

“Fuck off, Morrigan,” I spat. “You have _no_ concept under god of what you seek. I do. I understand the price in full and am willing to take the risk.” I took a step towards the well, only to have Solas charge forward and grab my arm, pulling me back from it.

“You will not do this!” he barked.

“There is no other way,” I said sadly.

“You cannot bind yourself to her will!” he shouted. “I won't have it!”

“Fen'bae,” I said soothingly, laying my hand over his. “What other choice do we have? Would you allow Morrigan to drink, then?” He looked at me wretchedly, his hand slipping from my bicep.

“Thoughts?” Gethorn asked, turning to our group.

“She is right about one thing,” Solas said bitterly. “We should take the power that lies in the well.”

“It all seems ghoulish,” Dorian mused. “Let Morrigan use it if she wants it so much.”

“I trust the Seer with this power more than her,” Blackwall snorted. “But it is not for me to decide.”

“Any chance this Well could help us against Corypheus, I say you take it,” Bull chimed in. I looked at Madison. His blue eyes met my gaze and I could see he didn't like this. He knew what lay within the Well of Sorrows, knew the price it entailed.

“Michelle should use it,” he said, his eyes boring into mine. I heard the unspoken words he conveyed. I was the only one Mythal wouldn't use to her own ends.

“Then Mamae should drink,” Gethorn said. Morrigan let out a frustrated sound, turning from us in disgust.

“We still need you, Morrigan,” I said. “Trust that this is for the best.” She paused, looking at me before turning to the well.

“Very well, seer,” she said.

I walked forward, taking one careful step after the next down the gilded steps into the well. The water was cool on my legs, making me shiver slightly when it reached my waist. I moved to the middle of the pool, turning to the others. Madison and Solas both gazed at me with wretchedly resigned expressions while the others looked on with a mix of curiosity and concern. I dipped my hands into the water, cupping it in my palms and lifting it to my lips. The water washed over my tongue, tasting strange in a way I couldn't describe. As it trickled down my throat a blinding light exploded from my hands, making me cry out and recoil. The water in the well rose up as if I had canon-balled into it, flooding over the edge of the pool so everyone was forced to duck. I reached for the others, but my vision clouded over and suddenly, I wasn't in the temple any longer.  
Wherever I was, it was dark. The stone ground beneath my boots was ice cold and the air chilled me. A mist hung around me, moving like a curious child as it wove around my hands, arms, and waist, investigating me. My skin glowed a periwinkle blue and I heard a myriad of voices all whispering in Elvish.

“Forgive me,” I said. “I didn't wish to disturb the well, but it was the only way to keep it from Corypheus and not destroy all the knowledge you hold.”

More whispering, the mist moving closer to me, brushing along my face and arms. A question was asked, though I heard no words and the answer came to my lips easily.

“Yes, I know the price,” I said. “I will pay it. I will...I will be bound to your will.” Lights floated towards me, caressing my skin before sinking into it. I whimpered in pain, doubling over as the blood in my veins stung, the air in my lungs burned, the saliva in my mouth tasted like acid. My skin grew hot in places, almost as if someone had drawn on me with boiling water. My head was suddenly filled with voices all talking together, becoming a jumbled mix. I fought to understand them, trying to pick out what each one was saying. One voice, in particular, caught my interest and I listened to it, my heart sinking as I did.

“What do you mean?” I called to it. It began speaking frantically, desperate to be understood. Suddenly, the world shifted and it was like I was sucked back into the real world, my body thrashing violently. I heard my name called by several worried voices and hands smoothed my hair back. I opened my eyes, seeing matching blue ones hovering close. I first thought it was Solas, but as the face drew back, I saw it was Madison. Tears wet his cheeks as he ran shaking hands over my cheeks.

“You stopped breathing,” he said.

“I'm sorry,” I said, reaching up and touching his cheek. Gethorn came forward, helping to pull me to my feet where I swayed slightly, my hand on my overstuffed head. A fine blue mist encircled my limbs and I reached out a hand to steady myself as my feet stumbled. Dorian grabbed my hand, his other hand holding my shoulder as he smiled at me with relief.

“Not dead,” he half laughed. “Well, that's a relief! So...good? Bad? I'm dying to know.” I pulled away from Dorian, taking a few more unsteady steps, pale blue tendrils of light rising from the floor and dancing around my legs. At the edge of the well stood Solas, looking at me miserably. Anger welled up in me, but I pushed it back, turning my gaze to the balcony Corypheus was standing on glaring at me murderously.

He let out a scream, his body flying up over the railing. Morrigan, having seen it too, grabbed my arm and pulled me to the eluvian. I waved my hand at it, unlocking it so it's surface rippled with blue light.

“Through the mirror!” I ordered, running towards it. The others followed and I began pushing them through it, my hand on its surface to keep it open. One after another they dashed through it, the surface distorting and glowing as they did. Corypheus drew ever closer and I watched as water once again filled the well, a feminine figure in the center. Corypheus stopped before it, unable to proceed as it blocked his path. Madison dove through the eluvian and I looked around, ensuring that I was the only one left. The figure glanced at me and the words 'Go. I will hold him.' flitted through my mind. I quickly jumped through the mirror, sealing it behind me so the Magister couldn't follow.  
I fell through the mirror in Skyhold, Solas catching me in his arms. I pushed away from him, turning and looking at the mirror, unsure if I had closed it right. Morrigan stared at her eluvian, watching as the light faded so only her reflection remained and I breathed a soft sigh of relief.

“It is done,” she said, mournfully. I nodded and turned to the others, my mind working at rapid speed.

“Dorian,” I said, causing the man to look up at me. “Can you go to the rookery and get Leliana to send a message to Cullen and Josie that we're safe and back at Skyhold. Give them the short version. We'll explain once they get home. Have her see if she can set up a horse relay for those two at least. I'd like them back as soon as possible.”

“Y-Yes,” he stammered, looking at me strangely. He turned and left to do as I asked while I paced the room.

“Everyone, go rest,” I said. “Thank you for all your help.” They nodded and moved towards the door.

“What are your plans?” Madison asked.

“I'm going to find my husband and kiss my baby,” I said with a faint smile.

“Am I not your baby, too?” Gethorn asked with a tinge of jealousy.

“You're my big boy,” I said, reaching out and pulling him into my arms. I pressed a kiss to his temple, smiling when he nuzzled my neck. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his arms around me before I shooed him off to go rest. I noticed Solas and Madison lingered behind, casting me worried looks.

“Later tonight,” I said. “I would like you both to join me in mine and Garrett's room.”

“Oh, _baby_!” Madison said with a grin. I let out a soft laugh and shook my head.

“I need to talk to you both,” I said.

“Of course,” Solas said, hesitating before walking away.

“What's wrong?” Madison asked when we were alone. “What happened back at that temple?” I shook my head.

“I'll tell you later,” I said.

“No, tell me _now_ ,” Madison demanded, blocking my path. “I've gone along with this a lot. I've let slide things I didn't agree with because I know you're doing what's right, but this is too much.”

“I know,” I said. “I know I've asked a lot of you. I'm sorry. But I promise to tell you everything later tonight. I'll spill what happened.”

“No, now,” Madison insisted.

“I can't now,” I said. “Later. I swear it.” Madison stared at me, his matching blue eyes staring into mine. I recalled meeting him for the first time all those years ago, being startled when I looked into his eyes and saw my own reflected back. My eyes were such a strange color, that bluish-gray like the night sky after a storm. He had been the only person I have ever met with eyes the same color as mine.

“Fine,” he said. “But I want to hear it all.”

“You will,” I said. He pulled me into a tight hug, his face in my neck.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too,” I replied, sniffling. He pulled away, leaving the room. I stayed behind, composing myself. When I was sure I could make the journey to my rooms without anyone noticing the torrent of emotions that welled up inside of me, I left the room.

  
I hurried through the halls, unbinding my hair as I did, letting the freshly dyed locks spill down my back. My hair had gotten so long. What had once brushed my shoulders now cascaded down to my mid back in a mess of ringlets that my husband loved to tug and caress.

I stopped outside my bedroom door, taking a deep breath and pushing on it. I slipped inside, looking up as my name was called. Garrett stood in the middle of the room in only his breeches, his shirt discarded on the bench at the end of the bed, vomit decorating the front. Malcolm lay in the elaborate crib that Comtesse Helene had gifted to me when she heard our child had been born. He was stripped of his clothes aside from his nappy, his cherub face relaxed in sleep. Garrett rushed to my side, his hands on my shoulders.

“The scouts didn't say you were coming back?” he said. “Are you alright? What happened?” I looked up at my husband, taking in his handsome face, his jet black hair that had gotten so long he had pulled it back in a ponytail, his gold eyes that searched my face apprehensively.

“It's a long story,” I said. “But I'm fine. We're all fine.” He nodded, pulling me to his chest where the flood of emotions I had held at bay poured out. I sobbed into his neck, my arms around his ribs.

“Love?” he asked, trying to pull back enough to look at me but I gripped him tighter, shaking my head.

“Hold me,” I begged and he did, those powerful arms encircling me. He smelled of sweat and earth with a slightly sour hint of our child's vomit.  I wept against him, feeling my whole world crashing down around me and not knowing what to do about it. Everything I had thought I knew was wrong and now I was lost. I wished fervently I had simply destroyed the well, not wanting the knowledge it gave me.

“Hold me tighter,” I breathed, tilting my head so my lips were free. Garrett's arm's tightened on me slightly and I calmed a bit more. He was so warm and I could hear the slow thumping of his heart and the rhythmic rustle of his breathing.

“Baby,” he said, looking down at me, his fingers unsticking my hair from my face and pushing it back. “What happened? What's wrong?”

“I'll tell you later,” I whispered, tilting my head up to look at him. “For now...just hold me together.” He tightened his grip further so it bordered on pain, but I finally calmed, relaxing into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our girl drank from the Well. What will that mean for her? What does she need to talk to Solas and Malcolm about?  
> Did you guys catch her name? Thoughts? Like it? Hate it? I shouldn't have messed with it?
> 
> Another picture of Madison because there aren't enough.


	71. The Truth Of It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since AO3 is finally back up, I can give you guys the other chapter. Don't hurt me!

I paced my room, Garrett standing near the balcony, Solas between me and the door while Madison stood across from me, his arms crossed over his chest. They all waited for me to begin talking, begin telling them why I had them all here while my son was with Cullen. I stopped so I was between the three men, looking at them all.  
  
“Madison,” I began. “How long have you been able to do magic?” His jaw dropped and Garrett and Solas turned their heads sharply in his direction.  
  
“How...?” he stammered.  
  
“How long?” I repeated.  
  
“A few weeks,” he finally said. “I wasn't sure it was me doing it at first so I didn't tell you. Then I...”  
  
“I know,” I said. “Needless to say you'll need training.”  
  
“I can assist,” Solas said eagerly, though Madison cast him a hesitant look.  
  
“Yeah, okay,” he said. I knew why he acted liked that. While Madison had initially liked Solas in the games, enjoying his intelligence, though annoyed by his prejudices, he had grown to vastly dislike him after Trespasser, feeling betrayed and angry at his motives. I had always defended him, understanding his reasons even though I didn't agree with his methods. When we had been dumped here, he had made it a point to stay away from him, warning me about getting attached when I knew how it would end. I knew he wouldn't like where I was going with all this, I didn't like where I was going, but I had to know.  
  
I looked at Solas, my phone in my hand.  
  
“I have a confession to make,” I said. “I'm not a seer.” Solas's eyes grew wide.  
  
“W-what?” he asked. “Then how have you known about everything?” I moved to his side, showing him the hidden folder on my phone, explaining just as I did to Garrett just what this world had been to me and to Madison. I told him how I took the position of Seer to save as many people as I could and we hid Madison's knowledge because he didn't remember as well as I did. He listened, amazed as I detailed everything, leaving nothing out aside from certain outcomes. He watched the video's I showed him, reading the saved wiki pages in sheer amazement. When I finished, I moved back from him, turning to face an annoyed Madison.  
  
“When are you going to get to the point?” he asked.  
  
“You've wandered, just as I have, how we seem so connected,” I began, my eyes meeting the matching ones of Madisons. “Almost since we met, we've known each other. Been able to sense the other on some level. We even have the same eyes.”  
  
“Are you saying we're related?” Madison asked, skeptically. “What does this have to do with the temple?”  
  
“We're twins,” I said. “You and I are twins. We were born at the same time on the same day in the same year.”  
  
“But...we don't have the same birthday's,” Madison argued as Solas and Garrett looked between us, perplexed.  
  
“Because originally, we were born here,” I said. Three heads whipped in my direction, eyes wide and mouths open in shock.  
  
“Originally?” Garrett questioned. I turned to Solas, my anger spilling over as I looked at him.  
  
“You're a fucking hypocrite, you know it?” I spat. Solas recoiled slightly, his gaze sorrowful.  
  
“You need to start from the beginning,” Madison said. “Why is he a hypocrite? What does he even have to do with all this?”  
  
“For all your distaste for humans as a whole,” I sneered, my eyes still locked on Solas. “For all the venom you spew about Tevinter, you bedded a fucking Tevinter mage!” Solas looked at the ground, his eyes clenched tightly shut.  
  
“Woah, what the fuck?” Madison cried, turning to Solas. “You can't be serious! When did this happen? And how do you know?”  
  
“It happened...centuries ago,” Solas breathed. “How did you know?”  
  
“Because she was our mother,” I deadpanned, tilting my head back slightly.  
  
“Wait, that doesn't make sense,” Madison said. “What does him bedding our mother...oh fuck.” I watched as Madison connected the pieces, his eyes growing wide as he stared at me, shaking his head in disbelief.  
  
“That doesn't make sense,” Madison said. “He just said 'centuries'. That math doesn't add up.”  
  
“Wait, wait, wait,” Garrett said. “You can't be saying that he's your biological father.” My husband pointed at Solas who still refused to look at us.  
  
“He is,” I said. “It's why we're mages, why we have his eyes.”  
  
“How? How is that possible?” Garrett asked.  
  
“He's an ancient Elvhen,” I said. “He was asleep a thousand years and woke just before the breach. Before that, he was a hot-headed young man who affaired with a young woman named Aulia, who hailed from the Neromenian, or the ancient Tevinter people. She was a mage and they kept their affair secret, though she didn't care who knew. She came to him and told him she was pregnant, with us.” I motioned to myself and Madison. “He told her to get rid of us. He didn't want it known he'd slept with a human. He didn't love her, he just was with her for the sex. So she ran from him and went to Mythal, begging for help. Mythal agreed to help her because she believed if you killed us you would truly regret it. Mythal took our souls and placed them in the world we came from...or tried to. Her plan was to do so in a way that kept us apart until the end of our lives.”  
  
“Why?” Madison asked.  
  
“Because if we were together, we might be able to return,” I explained. “We entered the world together, two halves of a whole, forever connected. One cannot return without the other.”  
  
“Why did Mythal's plan fail?” Madison pressed.  
  
“Because it was then that she was slain,” I said. “She left her physical body vulnerable while her spirit carried us and that was when the others struck, killing her. She kind of...dropped?...us. She returned and possessed the witch Flemeth.”  
  
“Flemeth?” Garrett asked. “I know her! She helped my family escape from Lothering.”  
  
“Yes,” I said. “She is Mythal.”  
  
“That explains some things,” Garrett grumbled.  
  
“Wait, so...how did we return?” Madison asked. Tears formed in my eyes and I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I had hoped he wouldn't ask this question.  
  
“In order for us to return to Thedas, we had to be together,” I said. “And we had to, at the very same time...die.”  
  
“What?” Solas and Madison both asked in pained breathless voices. I tore my gaze from Solas as tears spilled down my cheeks, looking at my twin.  
  
“You don't remember much after the car crash, do you?” I asked. Madison shook his head.  
  
“I remember pain and then...nothing,” he said.  
  
“I didn't either,” I said. “Until I drunk from the Well.” I paced again, clenching my hands tightly so my nails bit into my palms.  
  
“The car...it exploded when the power line hit it,” I said. “Well...not like Micheal Bay, but you know what I mean. The shrapnel...there was so much. It was even sticking out of your throat and face...”  
  
“And you?” Madison asked.  
  
“All the smoke,” I said. “I...suffocated.” I stared at the floor, no sound in the room but for our breathing and the rush of the waterfall below. Ever so slowly feet began walking to me, stopping before me as wide, calloused hands took my right hand, uncurling the fingers to reveal bloody crescents in my palms. I lifted my gaze, my eyes moving over strong legs, a firm stomach, and broad chest to my husband's handsome face that was twisted in concern and anguish. He cupped my cheek, wiping my tears with his thumb.  
  
“You lay there,” I said, addressing Madison but looking into the molten golden eyes of the man I married, letting him see my fear and sorrow. “Blood had soaked your clothes. You shivered as you bled out. I couldn't breathe, the smoke was pouring off the car, choking me and I couldn't breathe. My lungs were closing up. You were unconscious, splayed out on the ground and I reached for you. I could hear the sirens, see the lights off in the distance but I knew we would be dead before help arrived. I took your hand and held it, sad that you wouldn't go home to your wife, sad that there would be no more drinking nights and goofy work days and playing video games while calling each other 'faggot'. The world got darker and your breathing slowed, your skin becoming clammy and cold. As I closed my eyes, my heart freezing in my chest, you gave a shuddering breath. Then we were here.”  
  
“So the rift that appeared outside Haven...” Solas said, his voice thick.  
  
“Appeared to return us,” I said. “Our veil didn't open to accept the driver's soul. He had gotten out. It opened to accept ours.”  
  
“But because you died together...” Garrett said.  
  
“We came here,” I finished.  
  
“But why was I injured on this side?” Madison asked.  
  
“Your body took damage,” I said. “Mine did not. Though your injuries weren't as severe as in our world, I suspect there was only so much healing to be done when we passed.”  
  
“So, we're dead?” Madison asked.  
  
“No. We're alive.”  
  
“Are we immortal?” Madison questioned. Garrett looked down at me worriedly at this.  
  
“No,” I said. “Because of living in our world, a world without magic, and returning here where the veil is in place, we are wholly mortal. ”  
  
“What happened to our mother?” Madison asked.  
  
“She aged and died,” I said with a shrug. “My knowledge only extends to what Mythal's servants knew.”  
  
“Would you really have killed us?” Madison asked Solas who watched us with a mix of love and guilt, his eyes shining with unshed tears.  
  
“I...no,” he said. “I was angry. I said it in the heat of the moment.”  
  
“This can't be true,” Madison said, pacing suddenly. “It just _can't._ ”  
  
“It is,” Solas said, mournfully. “I knew the moment I saw you.” His gaze landed on me. “You look just like her, just like your mother. And you...” He turned to Madison. “You look like me.” Madison and I stared at our father, angry. Rage rose up in me, potent and acidic as I stared at the man I had loved like a father because it was the only time I had felt like someone's daughter, felt that love I had been denied.  
  
“My children,” Solas said, looking at us. “I'm sorry. I love you.” Madison remained silent, not sure how to feel.  
  
“You knew,” I said. “You _knew_ and you hid it from us. You looked at us, _every_ day, your children, and you couldn't tell us? I spent years in suffering because you were a coward because you couldn't let others know you had bedded a human! And now...don't say you love us. You don't even _know_ us!” Solas stared at us, tortured. Madison's hands clenched into fists, the muscle in his jaw jumping.  
  
“I regretted it!” Solas said, moving towards me, but Garrett blocked him. His eyes shone with tears, his brows drawn up. “I begged Aulia to tell me it wasn't true, to tell me I wasn't too late! I...I named you. I wanted you.”  
  
“What were our names?” Madison asked.  
  
“I..you were Atish'an,” Solas said to him before turning to me. “You I named...Revas.”  
  
“Peace,” Madison translated in a low voice. “Freedom.” I suddenly recalled Cole's words to me. "You are Freedom, he is Peace, a part of him." My anger grew even more as I felt a stab of betrayel. Why had Cole known before I did? How could Solas be around me every day, treat me like his daughter but not tell me he had sired me?  
  
“I hate you,” I said. Solas looked at me devastated. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped, turning and leaving the room. The door closed and Garrett pulled away from me, looking between Madison and me.  
  
“I think you two need to talk,” he said, bending down and kissing me quickly. He reached over, patting Madison's shoulder, then left the room. Madison and I looked at each other.  
  
“So,” he said. “Twins.”  
  
“Makes sense.”  
  
“We're connected?” he asked.  
  
“We were in the womb together,” I said, “Apparently that means something special to the Elvhen.”  
  
“Is that why we pick up the language so easily?”  
  
“You can't speak Elvish,” I said.  
  
“ _I've been listening to it come out of you and our father's mouths for over a year_ ,” he said. “ _You think I didn't pick it up?_ ” I glared at my brother.  
  
“Dick,” I said. “You didn't tell me!”  
  
“Easier to eavesdrop,” he replied flippantly.  
  
“How much magic can you do?”  
  
“Not much,” he admitted. “It was kind of a recent discovery.” He held out his hand, clicking his fingers once so flame lit in his palm. He quickly extinguished it, shaking his hand.  
  
“I haven't worked out how not to burn myself,” he hissed. I took his hand, explaining how to warp the veil and draw a barrier between your skin and the magic you wield. He imitated this, his palms glowing a neon blue and sparked fire in his hand once again. His lips curled into a smile as he realized the fire didn't hurt and he looked at me.  
  
“I'll need to get a staff,” he said. “Not wanting to give up the bow and arrow, though.”  
  
“Well, Our staves usually have blades on them, why not make one that's a bow?” I asked.  
  
“Harritt is going to kill you,” he laughed. I stared at my brother for a long moment before throwing my arms around him.  
  
“I'm sorry you died protecting me,” I said, suddenly.  
  
“I'm not,” he said. “I'm not sorry any of this happened. I love you. I'm glad I found you. I'm glad we're back where we belong because you seem so happy.”  
  
“What about you?” I asked. “You left a life behind.”  
  
“And I'm finding another one,” he said. “I love my wife, but I have to accept that that part of my life is gone for a reason. I also love Malcolm and all our friends and...”  
  
“And Josie?” I asked with a grin.  
  
“How did you know?” he asked, shocked.  
  
“We're twins, goober,” I said. “If you think I didn't recognize your goo-goo eyes, you're dumber than I thought.”  
  
“I'll show you dumb!” he cried and began chasing me around the room, tickling me while I shrieked with laughter. We eventually collapsed on my bed, laughing and holding one another.  
  
“Do you really hate Dad?” he asked after our laughter died down.  
  
“No,” I said, pillowing my head on his chest. “I was angry. You?”  
  
“I never hated him, I was just...” Madison paused, letting his thoughts trail off, but I nodded, knowing what he meant. “I suppose we're going to do some father-son bonding.”  
  
“I don't know,” I said. “We're running out of time.”  
  
“Then let's get started,” he said, rising to his feet and pulling me with him. We walked hand in hand down to the Rotunda where Solas sat at his desk, his head in his hands.  
  
“ _Hey, Pops_ ,” Madison said and Solas's head shot up. His eyes were red, cheeks wet with tears as he stared at his son in wonder.  
  
“You speak elvish?” he asked.  
  
“You and sis seem to think I can listen to you guys for over a year and not pick it up,” he said. “I should have played dumb. Easier to keep eavesdropping.” Despite himself, Solas laughed, pride glistening in his eyes.  
  
“That's my boy,” he said then paused, looking uncertainly at Madison. Madison tugged me forward, sitting us in the chairs across from our father.  
  
“I think she's more like you,” Madison said, motioning to me. Solas smiled at me, his expression uncertain.  
  
"You are more like me, actually," Solas said. "Revas...Michelle is more like your mother."  
  
“What was she like?” Madison asked.  
  
“Beautiful,” Solas said. “Smart with a wicked sense of humor. She loved to laugh. She wasn't as skilled with magic but she was incredibly proficient with a bow. I watched her once shoot a cherry on a tree several meters away.”  
  
“Did you love her?” I asked, speaking for the first time.  
  
“I...had affection for her,” he said. “But no. I didn't love her. I was young, cocky, hot-headed. She was a way to slake my lust that wouldn't get back to me as it would if I lay with my own kind.”  
  
“Except she got pregnant,” I said.  
  
“Yes,” he said. “And shortly after, I brought the veil down.”  
  
“Would you have loved us?” Madison asked. Solas paused, looking at us for a moment.  
  
“Yes,” he said. “I was angry when I found out, more that it would be a blow to my pride than anything else. I would not have killed you. It was an idle threat I made to get her to do it for me, but I wouldn't have been able to hurt you, even being the cocky ass I was. I sought her out and told her I had changed my mind, but...it was too late. I had planned to bring you to Skyhold, maybe use a spell to change your ears. You were mine...” We fell silent, each lost in our thoughts, sneaking glances at each other. I noticed now that Madison strongly resembled our father, from his pointed chin to his broad cheeks and sloped nose.  
  
“You are both a bit old for me to play at being a parent,” Solas said after a time. “But I hope we can be friends. I hope that...” He stopped, at a loss.  
  
“I don't hate you, Babae,” I said. He looked to me, hope in his gaze.  
  
“You don't?” he asked.  
  
“No,” I said. “I was angry. Angry that...if I had stayed with you...maybe I would have had a better life...But I don't hate you.”  
  
“Madison, do you hate me?” Solas questioned. “We have not spent a great deal of time together. I know it is because of what you knew, you didn't wish to get attached...”  
  
“No, I don't hate you,” Madison said. “In truth, I don't really know you.”  
  
“Might we...would you be willing to change that?” Solas asked. Madison looked to me, then back to Solas.  
  
“Yeah,” he said. “We can have some bonding time, go fishing or something.”  
  
“Well, you do need to learn magic,” Solas pointed out. “We also need to get you a staff.”  
  
“He wants a bow staff!” I said with a grin. A brow arched.  
  
“A bow staff?” Solas asked.  
  
“Like how staves have blades,” I said. “Why not have a staff that can double as a bow?”  
  
“I doubt Harritt would make it for me,” Madison said.  
  
“Actually,” Solas said, pulling out a sheet of paper and some pencils. “If we used the right wood and made it larger, we could do it. One of Bull's Chargers has such a staff, though hers is more crudely made.” I smiled as the two began talking, sketching out ideas and designs for the new bow.  
  
“I'm going to go to bed,” I said. “It's been a long night.”  
  
“On nydha, asa'ma'lin,” Madison said as I bent to kiss him. Solas looked at his son with a bit of pride as he said the words distractedly, showing how well he had grasped the concept of the language.  
  
“On nydha, ashalan,” Solas echoed, offering me his cheek when I bent down.  
I waved to them as I left, trekking back to my bedroom where Garrett waited, Malcolm asleep in his crib while my husband lay in our bed, reading. He looked up when I entered, closing his book and setting it aside. He held out his arm to me and I stripped my clothes off, crawling into the bed and snuggling into his side.  
  
“How'd it go?” he asked.  
  
“Fine,” I said. “It's a difficult situation, but...”  
  
“I'm sorry, my love,” he said. “I don't know if this is good or bad and I wish I could help.”  
  
“You can help by just being here for me,” I said, kissing him. “You took it very well. Better than I did. Thank you for that.”  
  
“Of course, baby,” he said, stroking my hair.  
  
“Needless to say, we need to keep this a secret,” I told him.  
  
“Of course,” he laughed. “I wouldn't dream of telling anyone. It's kind of hard to believe anyway.”  
  
I nodded, feeling fatigue wash over me and allowing myself in fall into a peaceful slumber, lulled by the steady breathing of my child and my husband's gentle touches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where this came from. Legitimately, this was not an idea I entertained until I had Michelle drink from the well of sorrows. Suddenly, all this was just flooding out and I was tempted to scrap it, except it made sense. I don't know. I'm still kind of on the fence about it all, but I hope you guys like it.


	72. What Did She Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I'm glad you guys like not only her name but the plot twist. My inbox 'sploded. Sorry this is late. My brother and I were out partying last night for his birthday. Ugh. I need some Pedialight. I'm too old for this shit.

Malcolm tugged at Solas's clothes, laughing as he did while my father grinned. Madison and I faced off, Madison brandishing his new weapon, not above admiring it when it caught his eye. Truly, Harritt had outdone himself. A long curved bit of wood was carved with the utmost care, standing a good meter or so high. A string was attached to it, bending it into an elegant curve. Atop it, a gleaming blue crystal sat, positioned carefully so there was little chance it would be compromised by the vibration of the bow.

“ _Your sister is more proficient at magic than you are,_ ” Solas said. “ _So you must find a way to compensate for this. You must balance your archery with your magic until you are_ more apt _._ ”

“ _She's going to wipe the floor with me_ ,” Madison said.

“ _Probably_ ,” Solas commented as I grinned.

“ _Thank. You. Dad_ ,” Madison grumbled while Solas chuckled. 

“ _Alright, my children_ ,” he said, stepping back and casting a barrier around him and Malcolm. “ _Begin_.”

Madison and I circled each other in the snow, our boots making crunching sounds. I quickly cast a barrier, spinning my staff and following it with a fire spell. Madison dodged, casting his own barrier, though it flickered weakly. He ran to the side, casting an ice wall between us but I quickly melted it, directing a lightning spell at him. He rolled, notching a blunted arrow and firing it at me. I dodged it, watching as it whistled past my arm. The fireball that followed smacked into my chest and I hissed, quickly dousing the flame.

“ _Sneaky_ ,” I said.

“ _Dad said to compensate_ ,” Madison taunted, electricity lighting his hand. I deflected the blast, casting a nullification spell and following it with a fire spell. Back and forth we went, Madison firing arrows at me in between spells, moving wildly to avoid me, while I had barely left the spot I started, easily deflecting him. At one point he called fireballs to rein from the sky and I had protected myself with a wave of ice that arched over my head. I used Fade Step, appearing beside him and putting my staff blade to his throat. He sighed and called an end to his spells while I did the same.

“ _Dammit_ ,” Madison swore.

“ _You did well_ ,” Solas said as he moved towards us.

“ _She beat me_ ,” Madison grumbled.

“ _Revas was always going to beat you, Atish'an_ ,” Solas remarked, handing Malcolm to me. “ _But you did well holding her off. There is a pause when you switch between magic and archery, though. You need to correct this. You should flow from one to the other, as your sister does when she switches to her blade_.”

“ _She had Garrett to help her with that, though_ ,” Madison pointed out.

“ _Indeed, we must find someone who can assist you_ ,” Solas mused.

“ _Dalish_ ,” I said, automatically. 

“ _I doubt the Dalish would help him_ ,” Solas sneered.

“ _No, not THE Dalish_ ,” I said. “ _Dalish, from Bull's Chargers. She's used to switching between archery and magic._ ”

“ _Good idea,_ ” Solas praised. “ _She would certainly be the best to do so_.”

“ _If she were willing to train me_ ,” Madison mused. “ _You forget, she's in_ denial _about being a mage._ ”

“ _Won't know until you ask_!” I chirped, rubbing my sons back as he toyed with the amulet at my throat.

“ _Yeah, I guess not_ ,” Madison sighed. 

“ _Don't be so hard on yourself, son_ ,” Solas encouraged, patting his shoulder. “ _You are doing well. You are having to learn in weeks what others learn in years._ ”

“ _And my sister made it look amazingly easy,_ ” Madison bit out.

“ _It is true that your sister has a good bit of raw talent,_ ” Solas said. “ _But she still struggles with her barriers and her healing spells where you are advancing faster in those areas_ than _she did. I suspect defense will be your strength where_ offense _is hers._ ”  
Madison nodded, placing the end of his staff on the ground and leaning on it, watching as Malcolm lay his head on my shoulder.

“ _Tell us about our mother_ ,” he said suddenly. Solas thought for a moment, holding out his hand, palm up. Light danced between his fingers and soon an image formed, like a hologram*, composed of pale blues and reds that married into vibrant purples in some places. An image of a woman came into focus and I was taken aback by it. It wasn't the magic that startled me, but her appearance. Whereas Madison resembled Solas a great deal, the woman who rotated delicately in my father's hand looked much like me. She had voluptuous curves, full breast and wide hips with a plump bottom. Broad shoulders fit her frame, lending a strength to her appearance. Colors danced along her before settling as Solas willed his magic to give an accurate picture, bringing her more fully to life. Where Madison's hair was slightly paler than Solas', mine was slightly darker than this woman's. Locks that appeared to be made of pure sunshine spilled in wild curls over her shoulder much the same way mine did, though my hair was a darker more golden color. Green eyes, the color of spring grass stared unseeing out of a soft square shaped face with high cheekbones and an upturned nose. I could see that Madison had her mouth, the lips a little on the thin side though the top one was fuller than the bottom. She wore fitted breeches with leather boots to her knee's and a tunic dyed a pale blue. Her breast strained at the laces which had been loosened, leather guards decorating her forearms while she held a bow in her hands that bore a crystal on the end much like Madisons. 

“ _She looks like me_ ,” I gasped, reaching out, my hand hovering over the image.

“ _Yes_ ,” Solas agreed. “ _You resemble her a great deal, though some of your features are from me just as some of Atisha'in's features are from her_.”

“ _How did you meet?_ ” Madison asked. Solas stared at the image, his gaze sad.

“ _She wandered into my lands_ ,” Solas said. “ _She had been hunting and crossed the border to my lands by mistake. When I confronted her, she apologized and asked if I could show her the way back. I did, seeing no harm in it. She was very sweet and guileless, much as you are._ ” His gaze moved to me. I recalled how he had told me that he hadn't met someone like me in a very long time. I understood now that he meant my mother. I was like her.

“ _She talked to me as if we were old friends,_ ” Solas went on. “ _I was not used to this. Humans were wary of my kind if not outright hostile, but to her, I was no different than anyone else. I enjoyed it. When I took her back to her lands, she asked if she could_ come _visit me again. I told her 'no'._ ” He paused and laughed, shaking his head.

“ _She ignored me_ ,” he went on. “ _I saw her again a few days later. She was fascinating. Always laughing and telling jokes, dancing to music no one else could hear. She once climbed a tree to get some fruit, then panicked when she couldn't get down. I had to retrieve her and she clung to me so tightly..._ ” He trailed off, lost in his memories. 

“ _I may not have loved her_ ,” he said. “ _But I did respect her and have great admiration for her. She was truly a unique person that we could all have learned a great deal from. She saw beauty in everything and was genuinely a wonderful soul._ ”

“ _I wish we could have known her_ ,” Madison said, staring at the image in Solas's hand.

“ _As do I_ ,” Solas replied mournfully. “ _I always wondered what became of her. When I met her again after...after everything...she was...She was emotionless. Like the one act of_ losing _you had sucked the joy out of her. She said that 'the deed was done' and that 'I would no longer see her again.' I begged her not to go. I apologized for what I had said, told her I wished I could take it back, but she didn't care. She told me our time was over. “The sun has set on our time, vhenan,” she had said. “You made that choice. For better or worse. Now you must live with it.” Then she left and I never saw her again. I erected the Veil and entered Uthenera._ ” The image dissolved and I looked at my father. I didn't blame my mother for her choice, it was the same one I would have made but I couldn't help but notice how sad he looked. Perhaps his feelings for my mother went deeper than mere affection.

“ _We will not survive if you bring down the veil_ ,” I said.

“ _I know_ ,” Solas said. “ _I hope to retrieve my Orb from Coreypheus. This would assist in bringing down the veil in such a way that you are not harmed._ ” I smiled, reaching out and hugging him. His arms came around me and his face pressed into my neck. Malcolm whimpered between us, clutching at Solas' shirt.

“ _I may not be the best father,_ ” Solas said, pulling away and cupping my cheek, then Madison's. “ _But I do love you both_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hologram- Actually not my idea. In the comic's, the Tevinter people are seen going to shows where massive holograms play out. It may be something they were taught or stole from the Elvhen.
> 
> So, some quality time with the fam's. The image at the bottom wasn't done by me. It's a promotional image from the game. Just felt like I should share since...fuck. Whose panties wouldn't hit the floor at that sight? Rawr!


	73. Listen To The Wind Blow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *smirks and taps her nail against the chapter number* Only 9 more chapters until the Michelle/Garrett/Cullen thing happens. And boy do I have some smutty artwork lined up for that. I even have a sketch dump of p0rn for you guys lined up where I was practicing drawing everyone's scars. I'm also going to set up a Tumblr with all the art from this story and some other drawings that didn't fit into the story.

Cullen and Josephine had finally arrived home and we immediately called a meeting. Morrigan, Gethorn, Cullen, Josie, and Leliana all surrounded the war table while I bounced Malcolm on my hip. When the toddler fussed, Cullen distractedly reached for him, taking the child and holding him against his chest where Malcolm quieted. Malcolm was fascinated by Cullen, always staring at the imposing man with wonder. I often thought it might be because Cullen and Garrett shared many similarities, from their deep honey voices to their gold eyes and strong bodies. Malcolm reached up, touching the scar on Cullens lip and Cullen pressed a kiss to the babe's fingers, smiling at him. In truth, I knew if Garrett hadn't come along, I would have been with Cullen. He was strong, handsome, noble and kind. Traits I adored in my husband as well.

“I'm pleased to report we won the battle,” Cullen said, pulling me from my thoughts. “When you went through that mirror, Corypheus and his Archdemon fled the field. I'm not sure why.”

“What he wanted was no longer within the temple,” Morrigan said, casting Malcolm a gentle smile when he turned to look at her.

“Perhaps,” Cullen said. “He spent so long trying to get into the temple, he probably couldn't have helped his forces by that point.”

“Then, Corypheus is finished,” Josephine said. 

“If he is wise, he will hide and rebuild his strength before he attacks again,” Lelianna commented, taking Malcolm when he reached for her. She shifted him to her hip, letting him play with the Inquisition medallion she wore.

“He will not hide,” I said. 

“You hear it,” Morrigan said. “The well speaks to you.”

“It does,” I said. “Though it is jumbled and hard to understand at times.”

“If only one who understood such voice had used the Well's power instead,” Morrigan snapped.

“Then we'd have to rely on _her_ interpretation of them and whatever she _chose_ to tell us,” Leliana said coldly, his blue eyes fixed on Morrigan distrustfully.

“Have I not been forthcoming enough for you, Spymaster?” Morrigan spat. 

“ _Ladies_!” I cried. “Now is not the time to throw our dicks on the table and measure them.” Morrigan turned to me with a scowl.

“I told you what the Well could have done, Seer,” she said. “You should be hearing shouts from the heavens!”

“I am,” I said through gritted teeth. “But it's difficult to understand when they all talk at once! It is done, Morrigan, stop harping on it. We have other things to deal with. To defeat Corypheus, we must kill the dragon in which part of his soul is housed. But we will only have a small window of time to do so. He will attempt to place a piece of his soul within another creature. The two _must_ happen together.”

“That...is no simple task,” Leliana said. “Coreypheus alone is powerful, but with his dragon...”

“We need to summon Mythal,” I said as the voices whispered to me. The advisers exchanged looks while Morrigan snorted.

“Whatever Mythal was, goddess or myth...” Morrigan began, but I interrupted her, pointing to a spot on the map near the Arbor Wilds. 

“There,” I said. “An altar in the wilderness. That's where I need to go.”

“I see you are determined,” Morrigan sighed, turning away from us. “So be it.” She left, closing the door behind her.

“Are you...certain of this?” Josephine asked.

“Yes.”

“I'll see to Skyhold's defenses in the meantime,” Cullen said. 

“Gethorn,” I said, addressing him for the first time since we called the meeting. “We will take Dorian, Bull, Varric, and Cassandra. We need to leave soon.”

“Yes, Mamae,” he said. 

“We are getting to the end of all this,” I said. “While we are gone, we need to prepare as best we can.”

“Of course,” Leliana said, carefully prying one of the map pieces from Malcolm's fingers before he stuck it in his mouth. “Malcolm, stop.” Malcolm whimpered at being scolded but released the piece that Leliana set back on the table.

“Malcolm,” I warned. “Listen to Aunt Leliana. You know better.” He whined, pressing his face to her neck. Leliana flushed with pleasure. She always seemed to love being called 'Aunt' and I guessed it was because she had no siblings so she never thought she would be an aunt.

“Come now,” the redhead cooed. “Shall we go see the birds? Do you wish to see auntie birds?” Malcolm brightened at this.

“Birds!” he cried, bouncing in her arms. “Birds!” Leliana looked to me and I nodded.

“Go then,” I said. “Behave, Malcolm. Mamae is serious.” Malcolm nodded his head, squirming excitedly as Leliana left for the rookery, the eight month old perched on her hip.

“If we could, I would recommend Malcolm working for the Inquisition,” Josephine joked. “He has everyone wrapped around his little finger.” I chuckled at this, looking towards the door.

“Indeed,” I said. “But he is very cute.”

“I'm cute,” Gethorn huffed. 

“No, dear, you're handsome,” I corrected. “And you already bat your lashes for the Inquisition.”

“I do _not_!” Gethorn cried, blushing. I arched a brow.

“So, that handsome chevalier, Michel de Chevin _wasn't_ swayed by your puppy eye?” I asked. “He also _hasn't_ been sneaking into your room at night where you moan and find religion?” Gethorn's face turned bright red, his mouth dropping open.

“How did you know?” he asked.

“I'm your _mother_ ,” I said. “I know _everything_. I also know he's elf-blooded and lost his place as Celene's Champion.”

“Do...do you not approve?” Gethorn questioned, chewing his lip with concern.

“Not at all, my love,” I soothed. “He's a fine young man. Bring him to dinner tonight. Garrett and I want to meet him.”

“You'll be nice to him?” Gethorn asked.

“Of course I will,” I said in a saccharine tone. “Now go, give him the message.”

“I just know Babae is going to embarrass me,” Gethorn grumbled. I had always been very pleased that Garrett and Gethorn got along so well. Garrett treated Gethorn like a kid brother, always messing with him but ever ready to help him if he should need it. Gethorn had started calling him 'Babae' as a joke, initially, but the name stuck, especially when Malcolm was born and no one thought much else of it. I thought of the picture on my phone where Garrett was drapped across the couch, Gethorn snuggled to his chest, the two dead asleep, books and papers scattered about the floor.

“Probably,” I said. “I still want him at dinner tonight.” Gethorn sighed and left to go deliver my message.

“Who is going to be tasked with threatening Ser Michel?” Josephine asked with a wry grin.

“Why, whoever gets to it first,” I said, picking up my skirts and strolling to the door as Cullen laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another kind of fluffy chapter.
> 
> So, like I said, this story is actually finished on my computer, aside from some editing and shit. The reasons I don't just binge post are because it's massive and I know some of you wouldn't sleep until you finished it. And, of course, to give me time to add the art and other fun stuff I've done with this.
> 
> But, all good things must come to an end, and though it's far off, it will eventually end. So, my brother and I were drinking and talking about it because he's a great person to bounce ideas off of and he looked at me and said something I think is genius. "Well, what if Michelle and Madison didn't land in Haven?"  
> "What do you mean?" He leans forward, a grin on his lips.  
> "They land in Kirkwall right when Hawke arrives. Michelle couldn't reveal that she was a Seer and she and Madison would be actual apostates on the run from Templars." 
> 
> So, here's my question...is that something you guys would want to see? When I'm finished with this first, of course. It would be a long way off, but would you guys like to read an alternative universe for this? I have to admit, I have started doing an outline for that idea and hashing out the details and it seems fun. It would be almost completely different from this in terms of how things play out aside from that the Michelle/ Garrett and Michelle/ Garrett/ Cullen thing would still happen. 
> 
> Anyway, just thought I would put it out there. You guys are the fucking best. The bees knees. The tits. I ♥ you!


	74. I Carried You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _words_ =elvish

The journey to the temple was relatively peaceful compared to our other journey's. The Red Templar's had all fled from the area and any bandits had been scared away when the Templar's first invaded so aside from the occasional hungry bear, it was rather quiet. We passed the time with songs, stories and the occasional mud fight between me, Bull, Varric, and Gethorn. I had made Madison stay behind, which had angered him, but I warned him that Mythal might be up to something and it was best if he stayed back.  
  
We camped the night in the clearing, laying around the fire, laughing and joking.  
  
“So, how was dinner with the parents for your boyfriend, Inquisitor?” Varric asked. Gethorn groaned and shook his head.  
  
“Bae grabbed Mamae's butt, then threatened Michel,” he complained.  
  
“A man after my own heart!” Bull laughed. “What did he say?” Gethorn hid his face while I laughed.  
  
“He said, 'I love this kid like he was one of mine. I see him almost as much. Now, if you hurt him, just remember; I've been an apostate on the run for years before it was cool and you wouldn't be the first person I've killed.' I thought the kid was gonna piss himself!”  
  
Dorian shook his head, rolling his eyes.  
  
“Your husband is such a brute,” he sighed.  
  
“You're the one fucking Bull!” I countered. Dorian turned bright red as did Cassandra and Gethorn. Varric and Bull thought it was the funniest damn thing they'd ever heard.  
  
“I mean, I admit that Garrett can be an absolute beast, but you're the last person that needs to be throwing stones,” I went on while Bull and Varric howled with laughter.  
  
“Did Hawke really say 'an apostate before it was cool'? Varric asked.  
  
“Yes,” I sighed. “He's such a dork.”  
  
“How did Ser Michel take it?” Cassandra asked.  
  
“He looked like he was going to piss himself, he stammered out his love for Gethorn then excused himself,” I said. “He came back a few minutes later, but Gethorn had already yelled at Garrett to be nice. Garrett just said, “I was nice. I didn't even bring my staff out.””  
  
“And you were no help!” Gethorn huffed, glaring at me.  
  
“My threat would have been worse,” I said. “Trust me, the best help I could have offered was silence.”  
  
We packed up the next morning and stood before the altar. It was a shadow of its former glory, laying in ruins. My eyes skimmed over the Elven words, reading them aloud;  
  
“We few who travel far, call to me, and I will come. Without mercy, without fear.”  
  
“It's beautiful here,” Gethorn said. I nodded, looking up at the statue, entranced.  
  
“Do you need to do this alone?” Cassandra asked.  
  
“Yes,” I said. “But don't go too far. We'll be fighting soon.” Bull arched a brow before turning with the others and leaving. Gethorn looked at me curiously, but I only smiled, holding my hand over the altar.  
  
“You will perform this mysterious summoning alone?” came Morrigan's voice behind us. “Very bold.”  
  
“Hello, dear,” I said.  
  
“I take it you expected me,” Morrigan said as she stepped up beside me.  
  
“Of course, dear,” I said. “Though I know you will regret coming.” Morrigan looked at me surprised but I only lifted my hand back over the altar, channeling the magic from the well.  
  
“You know who I am,” I said. “The last to drink from your Well of Sorrows. Come to me, Mythal! Whatever you are, whoever remains, I invoke your name and your power!”  
  
The air in the temple grove shifted and we turned to see a plume of smoke appear near us, twisting and writhing as it formed into a woman.  
Flemeth stepped forward, sun-colored eyes staring unblinkingly at us. She appeared younger than she did in the games, her skin smoother, though her hair was still snow white. In truth, I could feel the raw power flowing from her in waves and I had to take a moment to compose myself.  
  
“Mother,” Morrigan spat.  
  
“Mother?” Gethorn repeated. I smiled at Mythal, curtsying low and bowing my head so my chin touched my breast.  
  
“ _Greetings Mythal_ ,” I said in elvish. “ _I thank you for coming_.” I felt sun colored eyes lock onto me.  
  
“My, my,” she cooed in that voice of hers that made me feel like a child caught doing something naughty. “What manners you have.” I tilted my head back, locking my eyes with hers.  
  
“I try,” I said. Of all the things I expected, to catch Mythal, the quintessential 'cool customer' off guard was not it. Her eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped, her hand freezing in mid-air.  
  
“It can't be,” she said.  
  
“It is,” I told her.  
  
“Does he know?” she asked.  
  
“He does,” I replied, knowing she was asking of Solas.  
  
“How did he take that news?” she questioned with a quirk of her mouth.  
  
“He was upset at first, more that it was kept from him,” I explained. “We are working on building a relationship.”  
  
“You know what this means,” she said.  
  
“We are the only ones who can stop him,” I said. I had known since I drank from the well, but Mythal had just verified it. If Solas would try to bring the veil down and the only thing that stood in his way was his love for Madison and I. The day may come where I would stand across from my father on the battlefield, refusing to hide, and forcing him to make a choice. Mythal's head tilted to the side and she cast me a pitying look.  
  
“I don't envy you your path,” she said. I nodded.  
  
“Thank you, for everything,” I told her.  
  
“Did I miss something?” Gethorn asked. “What are you two talking about?”  
  
“It's nothing, isha'len,” I said. “Just...the past.”  
  
“So good that you can have such a heartwarming conversation with my evil mother!” Morrigan snapped.  
  
“Oh, give it a rest, Morrigan,” I sighed. “This is Mythal.”  
  
“But...what?” Morrian stammered.  
  
“You heard her,” Flemeth teased. “Last I checked, you had ears, didn't you?” Morrigan's hands glowed as she focused her mana, getting ready to attack her mother.  
  
“Be a good lass and restrain her,” Flemeth sighed, bored. I was seized by some strange force, my body moving without my conscious will as I grabbed Morrigan's arms, my own mana canceling hers out. She gasped and looked at me, confused.  
  
“What are you doing?” Morrigan cried.  
  
“Mythal! Stop!” I said. “Do not exercise your will over me!” Mythal laughed.  
  
“You're not in a position to order me around,” she cackled. The entire glad grew dark and it was like all the air was sucked out. I looked to Morrigan and Gethorn, but they slumped to the ground, asleep.  
  
“ _She may not be_ ,” came an ominous voice from out in the mist. “ _But I am_.” Solas strolled forward, his blue eyes glowing as he stepped between Mythal and me.  
  
“ _Papa!_ ” I cried. “ _Why are you here?_ ”  
  
“ _You_ sought _to leave me behind for a reason, little heart,_ ” he said over his shoulder. “ _You had to know I wouldn't just sit by._ ”  
  
“ _My old friend,_ ” Mythal cooed, reaching for Solas. He didn't move, glaring at her.  
  
“ _You lied to me_ ,” he hissed. “ _You told me they were dead._ ”  
  
“ _You had threatened to kill them,_ ” Mythal countered. “ _Aulia swore me to secrecy._ ”  
  
“ _Release her_ ,” Solas snapped. “ _Release my daughter from your will_.”  
  
“ _You know I cannot,_ ” she said. “ _It is the magic of the temple._ ” Solas's eyes glowed that strange electric blue and he snarled at Mythal who recoiled slightly.  
  
“ _Papa, stop_!” I cried, running to him and grabbing his shoulder. “ _Stop. Please. It's not her fault. I drank from the well. I was ready to accept the price._ ” Solas looked down at me sadly, his hand coming up to cradle my cheek.  
  
“ _But_...” he began.  
  
“ _Papa, I left you behind for this very reason,_ ” I said gently. Solas sighed, nodding his head for a moment before turning to Mythal.  
  
“ _You will not exert your will over her again!_ ” he ordered. “ _She will not be your puppet_.”  
  
“ _Of course,_ ” Mythal soothed, knowing when not to pick a fight with an enraged elf.  
  
“ _Papa, wake them up and go back to Skyhold,_ ” I said. “ _Please_?” My father shot Mythal one last glare before he snapped his fingers. Suddenly the glade was back to how it was supposed to be, birds chirping and a cool breeze blowing. Morrigan and Gethorn were rising to their feet, looking around blearily.  
  
“What...what happened?” Gethorn asked, holding his head.  
  
“Don't worry your head, dear,” Mythal said. “Your friend's powers went a little haywire.”  
  
“They tend to do that,” Gethorn grunted, rubbing his temples. Morrigan eyed us suspiciously but didn't say anything.  
  
“I do not understand,” Morrigan said. “How can you be Mythal?”  
  
“Once I was but a woman, crying out in the lonely darkness for justice,” Flemeth began. “And she came to me. A wisp of an Ancient being and she granted me all I wanted and more. I have carried Mythal, through the ages ever since, seeking the justice denied to her.”  
  
“Justice denied?” Gethorn asked. “The legends say the Dread Wolf tricked her with the other gods.”  
  
“No,” I said. “He had nothing to do with her murder. Her body was slain while her spirit traveled to carry precious cargo to safety.” Flemeth smirked, her eyes flitting to me.  
  
“Indeed,” she said. “But what was Mythal? A legend given name and called a god, or something else? Truth is not an end, but a beginning.” Flemeth walked up the steps, stopping before us, her yellow eyes sweeping over us.  
  
“A herald, indeed,” she said to Gethorn. “Shouting to the heavens, harbinger of a new age. As for me, I have had many names...”  
  
“But we should call her Flemeth,” I finished with a grin. “And she is very aware of why we summoned her.”  
  
“The Seer doesn't lie,” Flemeth said. “I can help you.” Mist swirled between her fingers and there was a breath as her magic called to the guardian of the temple.  
  
“The altar's guardian will come,” she said. “Master the dragon and it will be yours to command against Coreypheus. Fail and die.”  
  
“So, no pressure?” I asked. Flemeth smiled at me, then turned and walked down the steps. When she reached the bottom, Morrigan moved towards her, her arm out.  
  
“Wait!” she cried and Flemeth paused, looking over her shoulder at her own daughter. She turned around fully, her lips pulled up in a grin.  
  
“I wished to see who drank from the well of sorrows,” she said. “It has been a very long time. Now I have and she is free to go.” Morrigan looked at her mother for the first time in almost ten years and I saw in her face the little girl she had been, looking to her parent for an answer, unsure and confused.  
  
“But what of us?” she asked. Flemeth tilted her head back, her lips curling into a smile.  
  
“A soul is not forced upon the unwilling, Morrigan,” she said, taking a step back as mist blossomed out behind her, enveloping her. “You were never in danger from me.” I looked over at Morrigan as Mythal vanished, leaving us alone in the glade.  
  
“You knew,” Morrigan said, not looking at me.  
  
“I did,” I said. “It was why I wouldn't let you drink from the well.”  
  
“I...thank you,” Morrigan said.  
  
“That was all rather odd,” Gethorn remarked.  
  
“Yes, well, Mother has always had that effect on people,” Morrigan snorted. “Now, I believe, you have a guardian of the altar to master.” She motioned to the dragon circling overhead and I heard a whoop of joy from Bull.  
  
“It's a fucking dragon,” the Qunari cried out in excitement as he ran into the glade, the others hot on his tail. I flicked my staff from its holster, catching it between my fingers and spinning it in the air as I spread my legs in a battle stance. The dragon landed, roaring at us loudly as flames flickered up around its lips.  
  
I quickly cast a wall of ice before it as it tried to fry Bull to a crisp. I erected barriers around everyone, running up and wrapping ice around its muzzle. It growled, flinging its head back while pawing at the ice. Bull, Cassandra, and Gethorn slashed and beat at the creature while Varric and Dorian fired from a distance.  
  
“Don't try to kill it!” I cried as Bull aimed his ax at the chest. “Just weaken it!” He huffed and pulled back as I wrapped another layer of ice around its muzzle. It howled, flying up before landing a ways away from us. The others moved to follow but I put my hand up, calling a halt to their attacks. The dragon eyed me as I stepped closer, letting the power from the well flow through me. It snarled, shaking its head before laying down on the ground, its eyes glowing briefly. I reached out, melting the ice from its muzzle and running my hand along its snout, trying not to squeal with excitement that I was petting a fucking dragon. Its skin was warm and reminded me of alligator flesh. It gave a snort before pulling away and taking off into the air.  
  
“Did we win?” Bull asked, shouldering his weapon.  
  
“Yup!” I said. “Let's go home! I feel like I haven't seen my husband in ages.”  
  
“Nice!” Bull exclaimed with a grin. “Care to share details? What do you plan to do to him?”  
  
“Have wild monkey sex then pass out on his chest,” I said.  
  
“Oh _ew_!” Gethorn cried. “Mamae!”  
  
“How do you think you got a brother?” I asked.  
  
“Don't need _details_!” Gethorn complained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very inconspicuous sneaky peaky. I meant to post this last night but fell asleep. 
> 
> “Where are you going?” he asked. “We were having a moment.”  
> “You're having a senior moment if you think I'm sticking around for that drivel.” Cullen laughed.  
> “She called you old,” he taunted.  
> “If I'm old so are you!” Garrett huffed.  
> “I'm four years younger than you,” Cullen said.  
> “I'm a year younger than you,” I said to Cullen.  
> “Maker, I'm fucking kids,” Garrett sighed.  
> “To be fare, I've been with men who I had a much larger age gap with,” I said. Both men looked at me.  
> “Oh?” Cullen asked. “What's the oldest?”  
> “Twenty years,” I said without missing a beat.  
> “Damn, baby,” Garrett laughed. “Though I did screw someone ten years younger.”  
> “Seven is the biggest gap I've done,” Cullen said. “But I lived in a Chantry then a tower.”  
> “Well, you fuck like a champ!” Garrett said.  
> “I...er...thank you?”  
> “Garrett,” I sighed.  
> “Yes my love?” he asked.  
> “You're not right.”  
> “I'm not wrong either.”  
> “Oh for fucks...Cullen, save me?”


	75. Here's to Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting tonight because I won't get a chance tomorrow. Sorry for the big blocky youtube videos. I can't get the damn MP3 code to work.

I raced into Skyhold, leaping into Garrett's arm and kissing him soundly on the mouth. He laughed, spinning me around as he hugged me tightly.

“Miss me?” he asked.

“Terribly so,” I said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said, pulling me down for another kiss. I moaned against his lips, threading my fingers through his long hair and tightening my legs around his waist. We stood there by the gate, making out like teenagers as the others passed us. When my husband set me on the ground again, I was snatched out of his grip by my father.

“You're okay?” Solas asked, looking me over.

“ _I'm fine, Bae,_ ” I sighed. “ _By the way, I know you're new to the whole 'parenting' thing, but threatening everyone who might hurt me would be a 24/7 task_.”

“ _I only threatened Mythal,_ ” Solas said.

“ _Papa..._ ” I sighed, but he only hugged me tightly.

“Now where's my baby?” I asked the two men.

“Right here!” came Madison's voice. I turned to see him walking towards me, Malcolm tottering at this side. I knelt down and held out my arms and my son did that hard stomp that baby's do when they try to run. The toddler smacked into my chest and I laughed, pulling him up and kissing him. He called to me again and again, tugging at my hair and shirt in excitement.

“How's my boy?” I asked.

“ _Miss you_!” he babbled. “ _Miss you a lot, Mamae_!”

 _“I missed you, too,_ ” I cooed. “ _Did you behave for your papa?_ ”

“ _Yes_!” he chirped.

“ _No_ ,” Garrett said. Garrett sucked at elvish but he had learned to say 'yes' and 'no' as well as the phrase 'did you behave', so he was getting a little better.

“ _What did you do?_ ” I asked.

“Baela told him not to mess with his potions,” Garrett said. “Guess what he did?”

“Malcolm!” I scolded while my son ducked his head. Solas chuckled, reaching over and tugging up Malcolms pant leg to show a stretch of purple skin.

“Oh sweet Maker,” I groaned.

“It will fade over time,” Solas assured. “It did give him quite a scare, though.”

“ _See_ ,” I said. “ _This is why we tell you not to do things! It could have been worse than some purple skin! Baela told you the stuff wasn't to be messed with._ ”

“ _I think he's learned his lesson,_ ” Solas said. “ _It happened several hours ago._ ” I shook my head, perching him on my hip.

“ _Your big brother runs an entire organization and doesn't get into as much trouble as you do_ ,” I said, examining the purple colored appendage.

“Getty?” Malcolm squealed, looking around.

“ _He's giving a report to Uncle Cullen,_ ” I said, turning my son to where Gethorn was relaying what happened to the Commander. Malcolm kicked his legs and struggled in my grip so I put him down, watching as he raced to his brother.

“Getty!” Malcolm shrieked. Gethorn turned to Malcolm, a wide grin spreading over his lips as he hoisted the babe up and onto his hip.

“How's my baby bro?” Gethorn asked.

“ _Missed Getty!_ ” Malcolm said, nuzzling into the elf's armored chest.

“That's his favorite sentence,” Cullen sighed. “Even _I_ know what it means at this point.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“I say after little Malcolm goes to bed, we drink ourselves silly,” I said to Garrett.

“That good of a day?” my husband asked, slinging an arm around my shoulder.

“That good of a few days,” I replied.

“Ick,” he said, pulling a face. “My poor baby.”

Thankfully, Malcolm went down easily that evening. He and Gethorn had rolled around in the dirt for hours until the younger had yawned and fussed, unable to stay awake even as I bathed him. We started our fire circle, rolling over barrels of ale while we talked loudly, laughing and poking fun at each other. One of the servants was watching Malcolm for us while we partied. In all honesty, it was probably the most preferred job in the castle.  After I had a pleasant buzz going, I had brandished my phone and waved my arms to get everyone's attention.

“Okay, okay, shut up!” I called over the noise. “I just wanna say, you guys are all awesome and I love you. And my darling husband, I love the _shit_ outta ya.” Garrett had batted his lashes at me, grinning.

“And I love you, my darling, sexy wife!” he said.

“I think this song is very appropriate,” I said, queuing up the music and placing the speaker inside the metal tube I had gotten Harritt to construct which amplified the sounds from my phone.

“We could just go home right now  
Or maybe we could stick around  
For just one more drink, oh yeah  
Get another bottle out  
Lets shoot the shit  
Sit back down  
For just one more drink, oh yeah,” I swayed where I stood, my tankard in one hand as Haelstorm's 'Here's To us' echoed out.

“Here's to us, here's to love  
All the times that we fucked up,” I turned to my husband, singing along with the lyrics as I dipped a drunken bow to him.

“Here's to you, fill the glass  
'Cause the last few days have kicked my ass,” At this line, everyone laughed and Bull spilled some of his ale into my Tankard with a smirk. I downed it, feeling the added alcohol work it's way through my system.

“So lets give 'em hell  
Wish everybody well, here's to us, here's to us,” At this, I turned to the group, bowing low and spreading out my hands, my tankard sloshing dangerously.

“Stuck it out this far together  
Put our dreams through the shredder  
Let’s toast 'cause things got better  
And everything could change like that  
And all these years go by so fast  
But nothing lasts forever,” I sang this part to the group, wanting them to know how much these years with them had meant to me.

“Here's to us, here's to love  
All the times, that we messed up  
Here's to you, fill the glass  
'Cause the last few nights have kicked my ass  
If they give ya hell  
Tell em to go fuck themselves, here's to us, here's to us,” I made a 'fuck off' gesture that had some of those around the fire laughing wildly.

“Here's to all that we kissed  
And to all that we missed  
To the biggest mistakes  
That we just wouldn’t trade  
To us breaking up  
Without us breaking down  
To whatever's comin' our way.” I tossed my head back at the last part, having pumped my fist with the others joining in, echoing my singing with cheers.

“Here's to us, here's to love  
All the times that we fucked up  
Here's to you, fill the glass  
'Cause the last few days have kicked my ass  
So lets give 'em hell  
Wish everybody well.”  
I began the next part, everyone around the fire joining in as we cheered, belting out the lyrics over the music.

“Here's to us, here's to love  
All the times, that we messed up  
Here's to you, fill the glass,” here everyone knocked their tankards together, ale sloshing out.

“'Cause the last few nights have kicked my ass  
If they give ya hell  
Tell em to go fuck themselves, here's to us, here's to us,” I couldn't help but burst into peels of laughter as everyone around the fire did the 'fuck off' gesture, grinning stupidly at one another. Even Cullen's hand went up, which surprised the hell out of me.

“Here's to us, here's to us  
Here's to us, here's to us  
Here’s to us, here’s to love  
Here’s to us, wish everybody well  
Here’s to us, here’s to love  
Here’s to us, here’s to us.” The song faded out and I tapped my phone to keep the next one from playing while everyone laughed and joked.

“I like that song!” Bull cried, “Play it again. I wanna dance to it!” I did as he asked and we all eagerly jumped up, pushing the logs and blankets out of the way as we began to dance around the fire to the music. I looped elbows with my husband, dancing around him in a circle before being passed off to my twin who smiled at me stupidly. I couldn't stop laughing when every time the line 'Tell em to go fuck themselves' came up, everyone stopped and made the rude gesture at each other. Even Solas was getting in on it, laughing merrily as we goofed off. I kissed my father's cheek, his blue eyes lighting up at the gesture as he stared down at me.

“I love you, papa,” I said.

“I love you, my little heart.” I looped elbows with him, spinning around him while he laughed, moving his limbs in the simplistic dance, laughing harder when his son looped arms with him. Madison pressed his own kiss to our father's cheek and the elf melted.

"I love you, Dad," Madison said.

"And I love you, little blade."

“Cuz the last few days have kicked my ass!” Bull belted out, laughing. As other's around the courtyard caught on to what we were doing, our circle grew bigger and bigger until I was spinning around with Orara while Cylan chuckled, refusing to dance, but loving the rude gesture we made. I dashed back to my phone, queuing up a few other songs with the same theme.  When Keith Urban's 'The Fighter' came on, Garrett pushed his way through the crowd, grabbing me and singing the male role of the song. He loved this song and he loved when we sang it together.

“What if I fall,” I sang, pretending to swoon.

“I won't let you fall,” Garrett said, pulling me close to his body by an arm around my waist.

“What if I cry,” I hummed, covering my eyes with my hand.

“I'll never make you cry,” Garrett vocalized, taking my wrist and pulling it from my face, kissing my palm.

“And if I get scared,” I asked, turning my arms into my body and hunching over.

“I'll hold you tighter,” my husband declared, pulling me more firmly against his chest before holding one arm out and flexing it, gracing me with one of his dashing grins that pulled the corners of his mouth up, rounding his cheeks. “When they're tryna get to you baby I'll be the fighter.” I giggled, glancing over to see Madison singing the song to Josie who flushed prettily, not knowing the words well enough to sing them back. Garrett got a wicked grin on his face and he ran over to my phone, messing with it for a moment before racing back to me. I laughed when 'The Fighter' faded out and was replaced with Daughtry's 'I'll Fight', one of my goofy husband's favorite songs. He wrapped an arm around my waist, taking my hand in his as he swayed us around the courtyard, his gold eyes looking deeply into mine. A shiver when up my spine when he leaned in, his lips brushing over my ear as he softly sang the words.

I spied my twin messing with my phone and somehow knew what song was going to play next. My guess was correct and Daughtry faded out, My Darkest Days blasting from the speaker as they sang 'Still Worth Fighting For'.  Garrett hadn't heard this song before so I sang along to it for him, cupping his cheeks as we swayed to the music, wrapped up in each other, each song a soundtrack to our emotions.

“I adore you,” Garrett sighed. “I thank the Maker everyday for bringing you to me. I can't imagine living without you.” His voice caught and I opened my eyes, seeing his were clenched tightly shut at the thought of losing me.

“I can't promise I'll come back,” I said. “I don't want to break that promise if I'm wrong.”

“I _know_ ,” he breathed, tears slipping from between his eye lids.

“But I promise that I have _never_ loved someone like I love you,” I said. “And once this battle is done, I _promise_ not to leave your side again.” Garrett let out a shuddering breath and I felt the hot drop of saltwater on my lip as a tear slipped free. I knew how hard this was for my husband. He had seen his entire family leave him one by one until he was alone and now that he had a family again, he didn't want to let us go. I knew it would be one of the hardest things for him to do not to follow me to fight Coreypheus. We had decided it was best that he stay behind with Malcolm just in case I didn't come back.  I heard a cheer go up and turned to see Madison planting one on Josephine who was blushing darkly.

“YEAH! GET SOME!” I cried, pumping my fist. Garrett laughed wetly, scrubbing his eyes.

“'BOUT DAMN TIME!” he shouted. We cheered them on for a bit before Garrett turned to me, grabbed me and planted one on me. I laughed against his lips, pulling back and looking at him.

“I love you,” I said. “And Maker willing, I'll come back to you.” The music looped back to Haelstorm and the somber mood was broken as we loudly sang 'Here's To Us.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet little moment. The next couple chapters will be a whoooooole lot of fluff. I also apologize in advance for my gawd awful fight scenes. Ugh.


	76. A Mother's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff. I could make a teddy bear the size of skyhold with all this fluff I'm pumping out. I will be posting two chapters because of how short they both are.
> 
> I have started working on the AU Kirkwall story I mentioned and I have to say...I'm having waaaaay too much fun with it. I'm excited for you guys to see it.

I jerked awake at the feel of someone shaking me and looked around blearily. The moonlight spilling into the room let me know it was still night, so I was unsure why I had been woken. Garrett grumbled in my ear, his arm tightening around my ribs as he hushed me. My gaze fell on Gethorn who was dressed in loose sleep pants, leaning over me with his lip caught between his teeth.

“Mamae,” he whispered.

“What is it, baby?” I asked, sitting up so Garrett's arm slid down to my lap causing my husband to grumble and curl around my waist. He shuffled his feet and looked around.

“I...Can I...sleep with your guys?” he asked.

“Sweety, what's wrong?” I pressed.

“I just...I had a nightmare about Corypheus and I can't get back to sleep,” he said, looking embarrassed. I reached out, stroking his cheek, before pushing the covers back.

“Garrett,” I said, shaking my husband. He groaned and opened one eye, peering up at me.

“Wassit?” he slurred.

“You need to move,” I said. “Gethorn's sleeping with us.”

“Huh? Why?” he asked, sitting up. “Is somethin' wrong?”

“He had a nightmare and can't get back to sleep,” I said. Garrett yawned and looked over at Gethorn who was staring shyly at the ground.

“Ya okay, buddy?” he asked. Gethorn shook his head, sniffling and it was then I noticed tear tracks on his face. Garrett moved over, patting the spot in between us and Gethorn crawled over me, sliding beneath the covers. The elf wrapped himself around me when I lay back down, his head pillowed on my chest while Garrett rubbed his back soothingly, folding his other arm beneath the pillows. I ran my fingers through his silky silver hair, humming softly to him as a sob that had my heart clenching escaped him.

“Want to talk about it?” Garrett asked.

“Coreypheus won,” he whispered. “It was like Redcliffe. He had enslaved you, Mamae. He had killed Garrett and Malcolm...” His voice caught and he gripped me tighter.

“Corypheus is not going to win,” I said. “And there is no way in _hell_ he's going to kill my babies or enslave me. Not happening.”

“It'll be over my dead _body_ she gets enslaved,” Garrett said. “I'd kill her myself to keep that from happening.”

“No helping, love.” Gethorn laughed wetly.

“It's kind of romantic, actually,” he commented.

“That's me,” Garrett yawned, throwing his arm over the two of us. “Hopelessly romantic.”

“I'm glad Mamae found you,” Gethorn sighed, looking over his shoulder at Garrett.

“Me too,” Garrett said. “I love your Mamae more than anything. She's amazing.” Gethorn hummed in agreement and tightened his grip on me.

“I was jealous when you first got together,” he said suddenly.

“What?” Garrett and I said at the same time, looking down at Gethorn.

“I was jealous,” he repeated.

“You didn't _act_ jealous.”

“I was. I was afraid he would take you from me. That you wouldn't love me the same when you had a family of your own.” His fingers twisted in my nightgown and he chewed his lower lip.

“I would _never_ have taken her from you,” Garrett said.

“And you don't stop loving one person just because you start loving another,” I explained. “You love more. Your love grows and changes, multiplies. I didn't stop loving you when Garrett came along and I didn't stop loving you when Malcolm was born.”

“I wish I had been born to you,” Gethorn whimpered.

“Then you'd be a Hawke,” Garrett said. “Gethorn Hawke. Has a nice ring to it, actually.”

“I wouldn't mind,” Gethorn said. “I never really had a family. The clan didn't care much for me. They said I caused trouble.”

“Meh, that's what my brother says about me,” Garrett said flippantly. “Are you planning on going back?”

“No,” Gethorn said. “They've made it pretty clear I'm not _welcome_ back.”

“So stay with us,” Garrett suggested, reaching up and pushing Gethorn's hair back from his face.

“Really?” Gethorn asked.

“Yeah. When this is all over, come back to Kirkwall with us. I've got _tons_ of room.” Gethorn looked at me as if he were asking permission and I only smiled down at him, stroking his hair gently.

“He asked you, dearest,” I cooed.

“Would it be okay?” Gethorn asked.

“ _Of course_ it would.”

“Then...I think I'd like that,” Gethorn said, looking over his shoulder at Garrett. “Thank you, Babae.”

“Anytime, kid,” he said, pressing a kiss to the crown of Gethorn's head sleepily.”Where did you think you were gonna go?”

“I wasn't sure,” Gethorn admitted.

"Gethorn," I said gently. "When I took up the mantle of your mother, that wasn't conditional. It never has been. I love you. I may not have birthed or raised you, but I still love you. I will always be here for you."

"You're stuck with us, kid," Garrett hummed. Gethorn smiled, tears drying up as he snuggled between Garrett and me.

"I love you, too, Mamae, Babae," he murmured. I smiled, stretching out my arm beneath their heads, twisting a lock of Garrett's hair between my fingers. My husband smiled tiredly, the hand on my stomach petting me.

“Can I get a sister next?” Gethorn sighed, just on the cusp of sleep.

“I'll see what I can do,” Garrett replied, his words slurring together. I chuckled at them, shaking my head and letting sleep claim me, hoping there were no more nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I never really asked but, what do you guys think about Michelle and Gethorn's relationship. Do you like the Mother/Son dynamic? Does it seem realistic to you? I'm trying to figure out things to keep in me AU story and I'm wondering if this should be one of them.


	77. Garrett's Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter is the final battle with Coreypheus! And just a warning, our girl doesn't come away unscathed. Also, five more chapters before the hot Cullen/Michelle/Garrett love sandwich. And, Maker, it's hot. This story basically becomes porn with a plot as we go along.

I walked up towards the Rookery, a letter clutched in my hands. Dorian sat in a corner, a book in his hand and his legs crossed. When he saw me, he called over to me, motioning for me to join him. I stuffed the letter into my dress pocket and walked over to him as he closed the book, which I saw was Varric's 'Tale of The Champion'.

“What happened at the elven temple, it's got me thinking,” he said. “I've should go back, shouldn't I? To Tevinter...once this is done.” Dorian stood up, walking past me before turning around and facing me.

“All my talk of how terribly wrong things are back home and what do I do about it? Nothing,” he spat, looking disgusted. 

“If you become ruler, make everyone wear funny hats,” I said. “The higher their station the more elaborate the hat.” Dorian laughed, shaking his head.

“That's what I love about you,” he said. “So many brilliant ideas.” I smiled and leaned against a bookshelf, twisting my wedding ring around my finger.

“What Abelas and I said affected you,” I said.

“Yes,” he replied. “You more so. You aim to change the world, even though it's hard, even though you may die. How can I do any less?”

“I'm touched, Dorian,” I said.

“I have that effect on people,” he said. “Do you believe there's hope for my homeland?”

“If there are more like you, yes,” I said. He smiled, taking my hand and kissing the back.

“You'll come to visit, won't you?” he asked.

“Whenever I can,” I replied. “Can I dress all in black and sneak into your house via a rope that drops down from the ceiling?”

“You've been hanging around Bull too much,” he sighed.

“Nah, I think I've been hanging around him just enough,” I said.

“If the guards capture you and throw you in the dungeon, it'll be your own fault,” Dorian warned.

“See, I learned this cool new trick!” I said, snapping my fingers so smoke rose up from my feet. I phased over to the chair, sitting down with my legs crossed while Dorian chuckled.

“Fair enough,” he said. “The Well give you that one?”

“Yup!” I chirped, jumping to my feet. “Well, I've got a letter to deliver.”

“I'll talk to you later,” Dorian said, bidding me farewell. I walked up to the rookery, opening one of the cages and letting the raven hop out onto my arm. I fastened the letter to its leg, taking it to the window and stroking its feathers.

“Take this to Aveline in Kirkwall,” I said. The raven let out a trill and jumped from my arm, taking off into the sky. I had enclosed a letter to Aveline and one to Garrett in the even of my death. It just told him that I loved him, to raise our son well and that I could never regret coming to this world if it meant I got to be his wife.

I climbed down the steps, walking out of the throne room and into the courtyard. I saw the door to the small temple dedicated to Andraste was open and heard Cullen's voice reciting the familiar prayer. I stepped closer, leaning against the doorway and watching him.

“A prayer for you?” I asked.

“For those we lost,” he said. “And those I am afraid to lose.” I paused, pushing off the doorway and moving closer to him. 

“I'm glad you haven't lost your faith,” I said. 

“I've questioned it a time or two,” he admitted. “But I found comfort in faith when life offered little. Corypheus will retaliate, it's only a matter of time. We must draw strength wherever we can.” He rose to his feet, turning to me, the light from the windows glinting off his armor. I smirked, thinking that he looked like some fairy tale knight coming to rescue a princess.

“Yes,” I said. “This is all very true.” He stepped closer to me, his honey colored eyes slipping shut as his shoulders slumped.

“When the time comes, you will be thrown into his path again,” he said mournfully. “Andraste preserve me, I must send you to him.” I froze, looking up into his pained face. Fear suddenly gripped at my heart and the thing that seemed so far away was now unbearably close. I would have to face Corypheus, a powerful Magister, and hope I made it back to my friends and family. What would it be like to die here? Would I see the Maker? Would I wander the Fade?

“Cullen, if I don't...if I can't...” Tears slipped down my cheeks and a gloved hand gently turned my chin. Cullen stared at me wretchedly, his warm gaze showing me he understood the rush of emotions and fear I felt. 

“Maker, no...” he said softly, sadly and I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace, his hand pressing between my shoulder blades as I nuzzled into his mantle. He smelled of incense and sweat and I gripped tightly at his shirt. I felt him bury his face in my neck, his breath fanning over my skin.

“Whatever happens, you will come back,” he said. I smiled, relaxing against his body.

“Cullen, you don't have to,” I said, letting my eyes slip closed.

“Allow me this,” Cullen said in a pleading tone. “To believe anything else...I can't...” My heart seized in my chest. He sounded so wretched and tormented, like the very idea that I might not return was physically painful. We stood there, embracing and I let the warmth of his body ground me. He was one of my first friends here. How many nights had we spent in his office, talking and laughing? How many times had we sworn wildly as we saw the sun coming up over the horizon and realized we hadn't been to sleep yet because we'd been discussing dogs again. How often had I turned to him for a comforting hug, reassurance that I wasn't insane, that I was trying, I was succeeding? Even when I got married, Cullen had never stopped playing a big role in my life. I had flitted around his office in a panic as my due date drew closer, not used to the idea of doing this without some serious drugs for pain. Cullen had pulled me close and assured me I could do it, that women had done it for centuries without such things in my time and I would be fine.   
I pulled back, gazing into his amber eyes, a million things on my lips. There was so much I wanted to tell him, so much I wanted to say. How could I tell him what he meant to me?

Gloved fingers brushed over my cheek and Cullen let his eyes roam over my face as if he were trying to memorize it.

I suddenly realized that Cullen had never stopped loving me. Even now, I still had his heart, but I was out of his reach. I wished desperately that I could soothe his pain, but I didn't know how. I couldn't take him in my arms and love him the way I loved Garrett. I couldn't ever be anything but his friend. I spied something black out of the corner of my eye and looked over, scowling when I saw nothing. I turned back to Cullen, looking up at him.

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you, too,” he replied.

“Thank you.” I reached up, pressing my lips to his in what was supposed to be a platonic kiss, but at the first touch of his mouth on mine, something in me flared to life. I mewled softly and he slanted his mouth against mine, pressing his lips to mine more firmly. His hand moved up between my shoulder blades, my breast crushed to his chest plate and I gasped softly. As my lips parted, his tongue came forward, sweeping out and tasting my mouth. He groaned and held me tighter, tongue tracing along my bottom lip, asking for permission. Without thinking, I granted it, parting my lips and sliding my tongue along his meekly. Cullen moaned, plundering my mouth, tasting every inch of it eagerly like a man dying of thirst and I was his only water source. He drank down my gasps and mewls, his hand threading in my hair and tilting my head so he had better access. His stubble scrapped my skin and his armor bit into my flesh painfully but I didn't stop. I wove my fingers into his hair, gasping against his lips. He tasted like tea and the potion Solas gave him for his withdrawals and I found it was a heady mix.

A hand cupped my breast, a thumb brushing my nipple and reality came crashing back down. I tore myself from Cullen with a gasp, my back slamming into the wall. Cullen looked at me, shock and desire warring in his almost black eyes.

"I...I...Forgive me," he panted, lips swollen and slick.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "It was my fault. I got...carried away. I'm sorry." Cullen nodded, staring at me longingly.

"I love you, Cullen," I said.

"I love you, Michelle," he said and I fought the shiver that went up my spine at the husky way he said my name. "Always." I said nothing. I didn't know what _to_ say. I just turned and walked briskly back to my room, collapsing on the bed and sobbing. I wasn't sure how long I sat on my bed, weeping when Calloused hands lifted my face and brushed the tears away. I looked up at Garrett and felt guilt wash over me.

"What's wrong, baby?" my sweet, wonderful husband asked.

"I...I did something...I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"

"What did you do?" he asked in a soft, soothing voice.

"I kissed Cullen!" I wailed.

"You've always kissed Cullen," he pointed out, teasingly.

"No...I...."

"Had his tongue in your mouth?"

I froze, looking up at my husband who was gazing at me with an eerie calm. He took a seat beside me, looking at me with relaxed amber eyes. I nodded, turning away from him.

"I'm sorry," I breathed.

"Shhhh, it's okay," he said, turning my head back towards him. "Do you still love me?"

"More than anything," I sighed, nuzzling his palm.

"I saw you," he said. "In the temple, I saw you."

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed. "I don't know what happened. I just meant to give him a regular kiss and then...I'm so sorry!" Garrett stared at me for a long time, golden eyes searching my face.

"Who do you belong to?" he asked, his voice soft and sensual. He leaned in, his fingers twisting gently in my hair.

"You," I whimpered. "I belong to you. My husband, my love, my _dominant_."

"Then that's all I need," he purred and eased me back to the bed, his lips on mine as his hand slipped under my tunic, cupping the same breast Cullen had. "My _wife_. My _baby girl._ _My submissive_."

“ _Always_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Duuuuuuun. Cullen and Michelle kissed? And why is Garrett so okay with it? Maybe he knows emotions are running a little high right now? Maybe he has something up his sleeve. Hmmm, who knows?


	78. War

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting tonight because I have to be up butt ass early tomorrow. Also posting two because they go together. I mean, who the fuck paused the game right after the final battle? No one, that's who.

I stood in the War room, gazing down at the map on the table as Gethorn and the adviser's talked. They were wandering where Corypheus was hiding. 

“Madam Seer?” Leliana asked, drawing me from my thoughts.

“Y-yes,” I said.

“Do you know where Corypheus is hiding?” Josephine questioned and my stomach sank. I looked behind them at the clear blue sky and waited. The windows lit up with a green light and we all turned to them, watching as the sky tore open, the sickly green dominating the blue and casting the world into harsh shadows.

“Yes,” I said. Gethorn held up his hand as the anchor flared.

“Coreypheus,” he spat, glaring at the breach.

“He did that?” Leliana gasped. “But why?”

“Either I close the breach again or it swallows the world,” Gethorn said. 

“But that's madness!” Josephine cried. “Wouldn't it kill him as well?” The adviser's looked at each other, their expressions grim as they grasped the severity of the situation. 

“We have _no_ forces to send with you,” Cullen said desperately. “We must wait for them to return from the Arbor Wilds.”

“Just as Corypheus expects, I suppose,” Gethorn sighed gazing out the window. 

“We'll send whoever is left,” I said. “Whoever in Skyhold is willing to pick up a sword.”

“Then we move out as soon as we're ready,” Gethorn said, turning on his heel and strolling towards the door. I followed, my mind racing. The moment I was up in my room, I began changing, putting on my armor and slipping daggers into holster's on my legs. Garrett came in and began helping me, not a word said between us. He patted my rump to let me know he was done with my legs and I turned to face him. He put his hands on my shoulders, bending down and kissing me. It was desperate, pained, demanding and possibly our last.

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you,” he answered. “More than anything.” We nodded to each other and walked out the door, heading to the gate. There was already a crowd gathered there, all our companions and every scout or solider that could be found. Malcolm was perched on Orara's hip, staring out at the group in confusion. I walked over, taking him in my arms and looking at him.

“ _Mamae has to go now_ ,” I explained.

“ _Go_?” he echoed. “ _Just got back!_ ” His hazel eyes filled with tears and he whimpered, clinging to me.

“ _Mamae has to go fight the baddy_ ,” I explained. “ _You be good for your Babae, listen to what he tells you_.”

“ _Yes, Mamae_ ,” he said. Tears clogged my throat and I hugged my son tightly, pressing lingering kisses to his cheeks, eyes and lips.

“ _Just know,_ ” I whispered to him, “ _No matter what happens, no matter where I go, I loved you and always will._ ”

“ _Mamae_?” he whimpered, clutching at my armor. I handed him to Garrett, the action causing him to burst into tears and reach for me.

“ _MAMAE_!” he shrieked. Solas walked over, kissing the sobbing child.

“ _Mamae will come back, my little one_ ,” he said to his grandson. I mounted my horse, pausing when I felt a hand on my leg. I looked down to see Cullen gazing up at me worriedly.

“You will return,” he said.

“Is that an order?” I asked.

“No,” he said, his lips twitching in a grin. “But as your adviser and friend, I highly recommend it.”

“Cullen,” I said, my hands tightening on the reins. “If I don't come back...take care of them?” He stared at me, reaching up and I bent down, letting him pull me within reach. His forehead pressed to mine and he let out a shuddering sigh.

“I will,” he said. “I love you.” I paused, tilting my head and brushing a kiss over his lips.

“I love you, too,” I said, before straightening. I nodded and urged my horse to move, fighting back the tears that spilled as my son's panicked cries followed me across the bridge. 

We raced across the Frostback Mountains, our mounts panting and sweating. It wasn't long before we arrived at the dilapidated castle, pillars of red lyrium glowing ominously as they twisted up from the ground. 

Cassandra ran ahead, running a demon through with her sword and the other Inquisition soldiers scrambled to our sides.

“I knew you would come!” Corypheus taunted, giving us a mock bow.

“It ends here, Corypheus,” Gethorn spat, brandishing his daggers. 

“And so it shall,” Corypheus growled, his hands glowing with a sinister red light as he lifted them in the air. The ground shook violently and we were all thrown down. I swore colorfully as the stone scrapped my skin painfully, rolling to my knee's as I tried to steady myself. The ruins rose in the air, painting a dark picture against the white of the Frostbacks. We got to our feet, Gethorn standing at the forefront, facing Coreypheus head on. He didn't show an ounce of fear and for that, I was proud.

“You have been most successful in foiling my plans,” Corypheus said bitterly. “But let us not forget what you are. A thief in the wrong place at the wrong time. An interloper, a gnat. We shall prove here, once and for all, which of us is worthy of godhood.”

“I didn't come here to become a god, Corypheus,” Gethorn sneered. The two glared at each other and we all took our battle stances, ready for the fight to come. My heart thudded in my chest and my limbs tingled as adrenaline pumped through me. I heard the soft rumble of his dragon and watched as it scaled the castle wall behind him, glaring at us menacingly. My heart broke at the sight of such a magnificent creature tainted with red lyrium and the magister's soul, twisted from what it was supposed to be. I raised my hand, my palm glowing with the power of the well as the Dragon lept at us, only to have Mythal's dragon slam into it, rocketing it to the ground before pushing it over the edge of the platform. Roars filled the air as the two massive creatures battled, claws slashing wildly.

“You dare?” Corypheus hissed, his eyes locked on me.

“Yes, I do,” I spat, holding my head high. I quickly cast barrier spells on everyone, feeling Solas, Dorian and Vivienne do the same. Gethorn, Bull, Blackwall, Cole, and Cassandra charged forward, their swords swinging while Sera, Madison and Varric began firing arrows. I quickly cast fire spell after fire spell at the twisted man, watching as he blocked each spell.

“A dragon, how clever,” he taunted. “It will avail you nothing. You will fall as a warning to all those who oppose my divine will.” Gethorn slashed at Corypheus, the blows not seeming to have much effect as he used his magic to push them away. Cassandra brought her shield up as Corypheus's magic fanned out, knocking us all back.

“You dare to touch an avatar of divinity?” he snarled as Gethorn recovered and slammed his blade into the darkspawn's side. “I shall sear you from the very heavens!” Corypheus jumped back, landing on top of the wall so the warriors couldn't reach him. Varric, Sera, and Madison fired a slew of arrows at him while Dorian, Solas, Vivienne and I cast one spell after another.

Corypheus vanished in a plume of black smoke and we all took off after him, following the sound of his voice up the twisting ruins until we found him. We resumed our fight, dodging out of the way when he cast spells, diving behind crumbling stones. We all downed lyrium, health and stamina potions as we fought on, the battle becoming more difficult. I looked down, wincing at the sight of my burned arm. I poured a healing potion on it, watching the skin scab up and ducked around the pillar, firing an ice spell at the magister. I looked up as I heard the shriek of dragons battling and saw Coreypheus's dragon and mine locked in a death spiral, headed right for us.

“EVERYONE _MOVE_!” I screamed, jumping to my feet and diving out of the way. The dragons slammed into the stone with a bone-jarring force that knocked several of us, me included, to the ground. I scrambled to my feet, the others who had fallen doing the same and looked to where the injured dragon was staggering towards us. I cast my gaze around and realized Coreypheus had retreated, no doubt taking the distraction as a chance to rest. I quickly surveyed our group, noticing that most if not all of us were injured and turned to my twin who stood at my side, my father standing just past him. 

“Madison, Dad!” I cried, causing the two to look at me. “We need you guys to heal us. Madison, I'll cover you! Viv! Can you cover Solas?”

“Of course, dear!” she called, ignoring the fact that I called her 'Viv'. I followed behind Madison, casting rejuvenating barrier's as I went and distracting the dragon with a fire mine glyph. 

Bull swung his massive hammer, smacking the dragon across the face and sending it reeling. While it was recovering, Gethorn ran up the Qunari's back, jumping off his shoulders and plunging both daggers into its neck, gravity pulling him down and slicing the creature's throat open. The dragon collapsed, the red lyrium spikes protruding from it ceasing to glow. A red orb escaped the dragon's mouth and flew up towards where I guessed Corypheus was.

“Let's go!” I cried. “Corypheus is mortal, we can kill him now!” We all raced up the ruins, downing potions as we went. I was exhausted and I knew the battle was coming to an end, I just hoped we all were able to finish it.

“How are you holding up?” I asked my brother as I ran beside him.

“How do you mages do it?” he panted. “I feel like I've cast half as many spells as you have and used just as much mana!”

“We're more used to controlling our mana output,” I explained. “Less is more and all that. You haven't had the experience we have doing it.”

“Well, fuck,” he spat. “Now's not the time to learn.”

“You need lyrium?” I asked.

“No, I have some,” he said, reaching into his pouch and pulling out a glowing blue vial. He tossed it back, casting the vial aside. I watched as the Veil flickered that poisonous green in places the closer we got to the breach. I could see Coreypheus up ahead and Gethorn rushed towards him.

“The breach is getting bigger!” he cried, racing to the magister. I felt raw magic crackle in the air and my heart froze in my chest.

“GETHORN, NO!” I screamed, throwing my strength into my legs and tackling him to the ground, using my body to shield his. I had just enough time to throw a barrier over us as a massive wave of fire fanned out from Corypheus, destroying everything nearby. I realized what my father had meant when he said my barriers were weak. The shield I had cast bowed under the weight of the magic before breaking and I clamped my hand over Gethorn's nose and mouth, trying not to breathe in the flames as the last of the fires swept over me. Every nerve in my back was alight with pain and I tried not to look, afraid of what damage had been done.

“ASHALAN!” I heard my father scream and a sudden wave of cool relief descended as a healing spell was cast over me. I was lifted up, Gethorn turning to me, his eyes shining with tears.

“Go!” Solas barked. “I've got her! Go!” Gethorn hesitated, then nodded and raced towards Coreypheus while Solas and Madison poured health potions down my throat.

“Is it bad?” I asked.

“You'll have scars,” Solas said. 

“I can deal with that,” I said. 

“Hold still,” my father told me. “Son, I need your help.”

“Of course, Dad,” Madison said and I felt them peel the remnants of my tunic from my back as more magic was pumped into me. The pain faded and I rose to my knee's, tugging the last shreds of my shirt out from under my armor, knowing my ruined breast band and chest plate would have to do for coverage. I mentally thanked Dagna for the fire resistant runes she had carved into the armor, knowing they were the only thing the kept me from charging back into battle topless.

“Am I good?” I asked. Solas reached into his pouch, pulling out a jar and tearing it open. He poured a generous amount of some strange orange liquid into my twins hand before packing it away. Madison slathered my back with the stuff that smelled horrible, before wiping his hands on his pants.

“Now you're 'good',” my father said. 

“Thanks, Papa,” I said, kissing his cheek. “Thanks, Madison.” I jumped to my feet, running into the fray with the others. I spun my staff wildly, firing off any spell that came to mind, ignoring the dull throb of pain in my back.

“You are weak!” Corypheus cried furiously. “You are rattus and you must be destroyed.” Corypheus swiped his claw-like hands at Gethorn, catching him across the face so he cried out and reeled back. Bull moved between them, swinging his hammer and throwing Corypheus into a nearby pillar. I distractedly cast an ice spell on him, freezing him to the structure briefly. I ran to my adopted son, pushing his hair back to see three jagged marks across his face, one eye closed, the lid sliced. Blood poured down Gethorn's face and stained his silver hair. He downed a health potion, looking at me with his good eye.

“Well,” he chuckled, painfully. “There go my good looks.”

“I will end you and you're entire family, Seer!” Corypheus snarled as he bashed away the last of the ice.

“Oh shit,” Bull sighed. I turned to Corypheus slowly, my magic leeching out.

“ _What_?” I asked.

“You fucked up now,” Varric snorted.

“Your parents, your siblings, your children will all die!” the magister declared as he glared at me. “I will spare you if you pledge-”

Pure energy pulsed through me, mana burning in my veins. The other's dove out of the way as a ripple of magic fanned out, destroying anything in its path as I fought to control it. Corypheus stared at me, horrified of what he had unleashed while Gethorn fought his way to me, the anchor shielding him. Corypheus directed a blast of magic at me, but I batted it away as if it were nothing. My wounds broke open and began bleeding as my mana turned on me.

“Foolish creature!” Corypheus howled. “You will destroy yourself!”

“As long as you perish first,” I hissed and my voice echoed eerily. I screamed as energy exploded from me, starting out small before expanding rapidly in a dome-like structure as I tried to focus it, before imploding in a violent burst of pure magic. The Magister flew back into one of the pillar's collapsing to the ground, my father's orb falling from its place in the sky. Corypheus dove for the orb as I walked towards him, Gethorn at my side. The orb vibrated violently in his grip as he tried to control its power, my magic and his panic having made it unstable.

“Not like this!” he cried desperately. “I have walked the halls of the Golden City, crossed the ages! Dumat! Ancient Ones! I beseech you! If you exist, if you ever truly existed, aid me now!”

Gethorn held out his hand, the Anchor flaring up brightly. The orb was snatched from Corypheus's grip, the rebounding magic burning out his eyes so blood poured down his face. He slumped to the ground, knowing he was defeated as Gethorn used the orb to amplify the Anchor, sealing the breach. The sky froze, the chaos ceasing as the hole slowly began to close. 

“You will never threaten my family again,” I hissed. “You will never hurt anyone again. How does it feel to be defeated by rattus?” Corypheus sneered, swiping out at me blindly. I watched as the ruins began to break apart, my father's orb falling to the ground. Gethorn walked over to where we stood, the Anchor glowing in his palm. 

“You wanted into the Fade?” he snarled, reaching out and grabbing Corypheus's head with his left hand. I put my hand over his, directing the torrent of energy into the Anchor, lending it more power. Corypheus convulsed, the empty sockets of his eyes glowing green before his entire body exploded in that toxic green light and vanished.  
The ground beneath us shook as the ruins crumbled, the building's descending back down now that the magic holding them up was gone. I ran over, snatching up my father's orb and grabbing Gethorn.

“BRACE YOURSELVES!” I screamed. A large rock came crashing down on us, the force of impact knocking us to the ground. My head slammed jarringly on the stone and my vision went black for a moment. I lay there, feeling the platform gently settle back into the earth and slowly moved to my feet. Gethorn was doing the same, his shoulders arching as he pushed himself up. I looked down, searching for the orb I had grabbed and freezing. It lay a few feet from me, shattered. I dashed over, picking up the broken pieces, holding them in my hands. I heard my father calling to me in a panicked voice and looked at him sadly.

“I'm sorry, Babae,” I said, holding out the damaged fragments to him. His gaze dropped to my hands, a flash of disappointment flitting across his face. He slowly walked over to me, kneeling down and gently taking the pieces from my fingers. He carefully set them on the ground, taking my hands in his and smiling.

“You're okay,” he said. “That's what matters.” I stared at him, my lips parted in surprise. His smile only widened and he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my brow. I laughed, throwing my arms around him and hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace, careful of my injuries. 

“Inquisitor, Seer, are you alive?” We turned at Cassandra's voice, Solas helping me to my feet. I hissed in pain as my ankle buckled under my weight, knowing I had sprained it. My father looped my arm over his shoulders, gripping my belt tightly to brace me. Gethorn walked over to us, smirking.

“I'll treat you soon, Inquisitor,” Solas said. “I should be able to save your eye.” Gethorn nodded and we walked down the steps, my father showing an amazing amount of strength as he supported me. The group met us at the bottom, faces weary but happy.

“Then it's over?” Vivienne said. “How lovely.”

“And the sky is healed, healthy, whole,” Cole sighed, casting his gaze to where the breach had been. “There's just that left to remember.” I looked up and saw a Borealis glittering brightly in the sky. 

“Looks that way,” Gethorn said.

“What do we do now?” Cassandra asked. Gethorn looked at me and I turned my gaze to my father who smiled at me before looking back at my adopted son.

“We go back to Skyhold,” I said.

“After you two get healed,” Solas said.

“Of course, Papa,” I laughed, letting him ease me down on the steps. Gethorn was instructed to sit next to me and I watched as Madison, my father, Dorian, and Vivienne made their rounds, healing what injuries they could with their own depleted mana. Gethorn's face was healed, his eye saved though he would forever bare the faint pink scars from Corypheus's claws. My ankle was healed and more poultice was spread on my back. Dorian cast a mirror spell for me and I peeked at my back, wincing at what I saw. The tattoo's had been completely burned away and the skin on my back was twisted and wrinkled, the burns reaching down to the top of my rump where the waist of my pants were singed. The back of my hair was burned as well, the green strands black and curling. Dorian helped me take my hair down and I found half the length gone as the ringlets fell to the ground. As the others were being healed, Vivienne used one of my daggers to sheer away the damaged bits until my hair brushed under my chin. I ran my fingers through it, sighing.

“Don't worry, darling,” she said. “The poultice will heal most of the burns and you look cute with short hair.” She called Bull over, asking him to hold up her coat as a curtain while she bandaged me. The Qunari did so, respectfully turning his head away.

“The hair will grow back,” I said. “The scars...”

“In a few weeks you'll barely notice them,” she assured as she unbuckled my armor, discarding the front portion of my now useless breast band. She carefully wrapped my torso, not the least bothered with touching my naked breast as she double wrapped them in lue of having clothes. The bandages wound over my shoulders and upper arms, each extra bit of skin being wrapped making me cringe as I realized how far the damage went. When she was done, she took my armor to my mount, sticking it in my saddle bags for me.

“Thanks, Viv,” I said. “I know we don't always agree...”

“Darling, we never agree,” she tittered.

“Okay, well...thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Of course, dear,” she said. I watched her walk away, going to help where she could. One of the scouts came over, draping a blanket over my shoulders with a blush. I smiled, thanking her. Before long we were riding back out, Bull lifting me into my saddle. I was realizing just how much pain I was in as the adrenaline was wearing off and I knew I was going to be screaming tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hit me! *runs and hides* I know, I permanently scarred her. Our girl's body is a fucking roadmap of her life at this point.


	79. Still Worth Fighting For

Skyhold was lit up with what must have been every torch and lantern they could find when we returned the next night. It seemed the armies had returned while we were gone, trying to make it in enough time to help us, though just missing the battle. We walked through the gates and were immediately crowded by people cheering for us. I looked up towards the main staircase, seeing Cullen, Leliana and Josephine waiting for us, wide smiles on their faces.  I let my father ease me from my horse, discarding the blanket on the mounts back. Michel ran out of the crowd, grabbing Gethorn in his arms and spinning him around, planting a kiss on his lips that had him blushing. I giggled, looking up to see Garrett jogging towards me. He stopped a few feet away from me, his gaze sweeping over me, focusing on the bandages and my shorn hair. He walked towards me reaching out, his hands shaking and carefully touched my shoulders. I stared up at his astonished face, the concern and shock in his eyes overwhelming. His lips parted, but he couldn't seem to find anything to say.

“I may have a few new scars but I came back,” I said with a crooked grin. Garrett let out a watery laugh, tears suddenly spilling down his cheeks.

“Just more stripes for my tigress,” he said, cupping my cheeks and kissing me with a passion that made my knee's weak. He pulled back, peppering my face with kisses, his beard tickling my skin.

“You beautiful, sexy goddess you,” he cooed between kisses. “Only you would get injured in a way where we couldn't even have victory sex.”

“Whose not getting sex?” I huffed. “Not me. I'm riding my beast tonight!” My husband laughed, reaching down and gripping my hips, lifting me up with a little grunt. I wrapped my legs around his waist, putting my hands on his shoulders as he interlocked his fingers beneath my ass.

“Is this our last adventure?” he asked, looking up at me.

“What? Pffft, no!” I exclaimed. “We have a whole life as spouses and parents ahead of us. What better adventure?”

“I couldn't agree more,” he laughed. I reached up, brushing the tears from his face before leaning down and sealing my lips over his. Gethorn walked over, grinning at us.

“Mamae, Babae,” he said. Garrett carefully set me on my feet, pulling Gethorn into a bear hug, pressing a loud kiss to the kid's cheek.

“Look at you, kid,” he laughed wetly, tracing one of the scars with his thumb. “You come back from killing an evil crazy darkspawn twice as handsome as when ya left.”

“It doesn't look bad?” Gethorn asked, reaching up to touch the scars.

“Fuck no,” Garrett assured, pulling him into another hug, ruffling his hair. “Michel won't be able to keep his hands off you. Scars are sexy! Look at your Mamae! Rawr! I can't wait to get her-..”

“Bae!” Gethorn shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “Ew! Don't wanna hear about you 'wreacking' my Mae! _Fucking void!_ ” I laughed, gripping my stomach as I doubled over.

“Come on,” I said, grabbing Gethorn's hand and pulling him towards the landing where the adviser's waited. Cullen was the first one to the steps, seizing the waist of my pants and pulling me to him, his cloak fanning out to hide us from view. I giggled and looped my arms around his neck. He hovered his hands over my back, unsure where to put them before resting one on my hips and the other on the back of my head.

"I followed your order's, Commander," I cooed. He gave a bark of laughter and rested his forehead against mine.

"You did, Madam," he agreed and I realized that he was crying.

"Cullen," I whimpered, holding him tighter. He tilted his head, pressing his lips to mine in a sweet, closed mouth kiss. His mantle blocked everyone's view of us which I was glad for. Emotions aside, Cullen might regret this in the morning. I felt his lips part slightly and the gentlest touch of his tongue. I pulled back slightly, trying to fight the blush I felt rising to my cheeks. He flushed as well, looking down at me. Gethorn stepped forward and Cullen pulled one arm from me, reaching out and clasping forearms with the elf.

 I looked at Josephine around Cullen's arm, nodding my head towards Madison and winking. She blushed but giggled making Leliana grin wryly at her. We walked to the edge of the platform, looking out over the cheering crowd.

“Here's to us,” I said. Cullen's lips twitched and he looked down at me. The cheers died down and the merriment swept everyone up as people began dancing and laughing. I walked inside, taking Garrett's hand as he ran to catch up to us. While it was wild and boisterous outside the throne room, inside it was calmer, the inner circle taking up seats at the massive tables the lined the walls. We wanted to party, but we were all tired all hell. We knew the partying would go on for several more nights and there would be time later. I let my husband pull me into his lap, careful of my bandages.

“Can you walk around in bandages all the time?” he asked after I downed an entire glass of wine. 

“What?” I asked. “Why would you want me wrapped up like a mummy?” His brow quirked in confusion.

“What's a mummy?” he asked.

“It's...nevermind, I'll tell you later,” I sighed, my mind not working enough to want to delve into the history and culture of mummies. “Why?”

“You running around in nothing but bandages? Mmm- _MMM_!” he hummed. “Yes, _please_!” I laughed, shaking my head.

“A sentiment I do _not_ agree with,” came my father's voice. I looked up to find him walking toward me, a light sleeveless tunic in his hand. I took it, slipping it over my head with a grin.

“ _Thank you, Papa_ ,” I said in elvish. 

“Anytime, dearest,” he said, taking a seat next to us. “I must say, you've changed the world. You and Gethorn.”

“Well, I'm you're daughter and he's my son,” I said with an easy smile.

“Indeed,” he chuckled. “What are your plans now?”

“Heal up good, take care of anything I need to here and then leave for Kirkwall,” I said. “What are your plans, Papa?”

“About the same,” he said. “I have some things to take care of so I will be traveling.”

“You'd be welcome in Kirkwall with us."

“I will visit,” he assured me. “And write. But I think you need your own space.”

“You're not going to disappear, are you?”

“No,  da'lath'in,” he said. “You will see me quite regularly.”

“Good,” I said. “I still need my Dad.” He reached over, taking my hand and brushing a kiss over the back. I clasped his hand in mine, relaxing against my husband who hummed softly to me. My eyelids felt heavy and I glared.

“Babae, no sleep spells,” I complained.

“Yes, ashalan. You need rest.”

“Garrett,” I whimpered.

“No dice, my dearest love,” he said. “I agree with Dad over here. You need rest. The party will go on for a while, trust me.” I huffed, feeling myself lifted up, my legs wrapped around my spouse's waist as I was carried like a child so my back wouldn't be harmed.

“Jerks,” I grumbled, yawning.

“Goodnight, fenorain,” Solas called after me. I lifted my hand in a weak wave, the rocking of my husbands steps making me even more tired. He lay me gently on the bed, carefully peeling off my clothes before climbing in with me and pulling me to his chest.

“I wanted sex,” I complained.

“Later, my love,” he chuckled. “We have all the time in the world.” I giggled at this, finally dropping fully off to sleep.


	80. Future Looks Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Had to finish a picture.   
> _words_ = elvish

True enough, the celebrating lasted for two fucking weeks. Josephine was beside herself with the planning and nobles from all over the country spilled in to meet with us. Leliana had somehow magically produced a series of gowns with open backs that showed my ruined skin. When I questioned her, she said the purpose was two-fold. One, so fabric wouldn't irritate my already sensitive skin and Two, to show just how far I had gone to take out Coreypheus. My father carefully cared for my wounds, changing my bandages twice a day and applying a new poultice to the burns. My Tattoos were forever gone, but my skin slowly began to smooth out, though it would never be perfect. When I had pushed the bandages aside and stared at the burns in the mirror, Garrett had declared them the hottest scars ever and told me when I was healed and could stand for him to do it, he was going to get intimately acquainted with them. I just laughed at this, glad I had married such a loving, sweet and doting goofball. 

King Alistair and Queen Celene had both attended Skyhold's ball. While Celene had stayed away from me for the most part, still wary and a little bitter over my victory at the Winter Palace, Alistair had walked right up to me and kissed my hand.

“Lady Seer!” he greeted with a grin, “I hear many congratulations are in order. You've gotten married, had your child, defeated Corypheus and saved the world.”

“It's been a busy year,” I teased, making him chuckle. “I hope the next few years are very boring, though.”

“I understand that,” he said. 

“King Alistair!” came my husband's voice.

“Ser Hawke,” the king greeted, reaching out and clasping forearms with him.

“I see you've met my amazing wife,” Garrett bragged, carefully looping an arm around my waist. Alistair laughed, nodding to my husband.

“She is very remarkable,” he agreed. “But then, so is her husband, The Champion of Kirkwall.”

“Well, I wanted to marry someone who would garner more attention to take some of the heat off me,” Garrett said airily. “She's gorgeous, smart, funny and saved the world from certain destruction.”

“And I hear you she makes beautiful children,” Alistair said with a wink. Garrett's face lit up like a kid at Christmas time and he did his little giddy dance where he shifted from one foot to another.

“Have you seen my son?” my husband asked, excitedly. “He's so cute and smart I hardly get him back! Where is he? Hey! Who has my kid!”

“Uncle Cullen!” Gethorn replied from several feet away.

“Cullen!” Garrett shouted. “Where's mai bebe!”

“I'm showing him how to be a commander!” Cullen replied, walking over to us with said child in tow. I  gripped my husband's shoulder as I laughed my ass off, seeing that Cullen had slicked back the mess of black curls on Malcolm's head and draped his fur mantle over the boy's shoulders. My son's toy sword, courtesy of Blackwall, was strapped to his waist by a belt with his little hand resting on the wooden pommel. He strolled behind his Uncle, head held high.

“Oh, you're such a handsome little commander, aren't you?” the king asked with a grin.

 _“I command Mamae soldiers!_ ” Malcolm declared. Alistair looked at me, confused.

“What did he say?” he asked.

“In common, baby,” I reminded him. “Not everyone can speak elvish.”

“I command Mamae army,” Malcolm said.

“I see that,” Alistair replied. “And you speak Elvish?”

“He does,” I said. “He actually speak's Orlesian and Antivan as well thanks to his Aunt's Josie and Leli.”

“Wow,” Alistair said. “You can pretty much pick your future, can't you, little one?”

“Yup!” Malcolm said, not really understanding what was asked of him.

“Malcolm, this is the king of Fereldon,” I said. “King Alistair.” Malcolm paused before bowing at the waist with a big toothy grin.

“Majeresisty,” he said, horribly pronouncing the word so we all laughed.

“A pleasure, Ser Hawke,” Alistair said, kneeling down and shaking my son's hand. “Tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Getty's wife!” Malcolm declared. 

“My love, we already discussed this,” I said, over the roar of laughter. “He's your brother, you can't marry him.”

“Can I be Mamae's wife?” he asked.

“Already taken,” Garrett said. “Sorry, son. Mamae is Babae's.

“Babae's wife?” Malcolm listed off. I thought Cullen was going to piss himself with how hard he was laughing.

“Mamae is Babae's wife, my sweet,” I explained. Malcolm looked around, his eyes landing on the chortling Cullen.

“Uncle Cullen!” he declared. “I marry Uncle Cullen!”

“You know what, pup?” Cullen snickered, sweeping the boy into his arms. “Sure! When you're a big strong man, Uncle Cullen will marry you.”

“Promise?”

“If it's what you still want, sure,” Cullen said.

“Careful there, Cullen,” I warned. “He may hold you to it.”

“I doubt he'll want me when I'm all old and gray,” Cullen chuckled.

“Oh you'd still be hot as an old man,” I said flippantly. Cullen blushed at this, coughing and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hey!” Garrett huffed.

“Well, so will you,” I said to my husband. “I can't wait till you start getting gray hair. You'll look so distinguished with salt and pepper hair. And your beard....oooo!” I giggled, reaching out and wrapping an arm around my spouse, dragging my nails through his beard so he purred. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“You think I'm sexy no matter what, don't you?” he asked.

“Of course!” I replied. “But so do you! I have my back burned off and you still think I'm sexy.”

“What isn't sexy about battle scars?” Garrett asked, looking at Alistair and Cullen. “Am I right, men?”

“He's right,” Alistair said. “Women with battle scars are very sexy. It's something about seeing how tough they are.”

“Men with scars are sexy, too,” I said. “Cullen's got scars on his face. Gethorn almost lost his eye and he's still very handsome. And of course, Garrett's still got that burn scar.” I pointed to the slightly paler skin near his left eye from the burn he had gotten at Adament. A smattering of his eyebrow had grown back, but not all of it. The healing had slightly tugged at the corner of his eye and cheek, but I thought it made him look debonair and dangerous.

“I also have that huge ass scar on my stomach,” my husband said, lifting his tunic to show the pink and wrinkled skin of the slash across his abdomen.

“Nice!” Alistair said. He opened the neck of his own tunic, pulling it down to show a dark scar on his shoulder.

“I got that in the battle of Fereldon fighting the Archdemon,” he said. “One of his tail spikes.” Cullen lifted his tunic, exposing his side were a long gash twisted and puckered the skin. The wound looked old, having scared over.

“Fighting Meredith in Kirkwall,” he said.

“I think I win,” I laughed, pointing to my back. “I used to have tattoo's back there, they were burned off.” Alistair winced, hissing between his teeth.

“Oh ouch!” he said. “I bet that hurt.”

“She couldn't move the next day,” Garrett said. “Poor baby. I sat there and bathed her in ice water.”

“Are you going to have the tattoo's redone when it's healed?” Cullen asked as he shifted Malcolm on his hip.

“I don't know,” I said. “Probably not. Dad is designing a new one for me that I'm going to get on my arm, but I think I'll leave my back alone.”

“Dad?” Alistair asked.

“Solas,” Cullen said, pointing across the room where Solas and Varric were talking. Alistair followed my gaze, arching a brow.

“I thought you were from another world,” he said.

“Actually,” Garrett chimed in. “She's from here. Loooong story short, Solas is one of those ancient Elvhen and back in the day, he was quite the ladies man. He was also an ass and her mother had her hidden away in the other world.”

“Madison is also my twin,” I said. “We're elf-blooded.”

“Wait, I didn't know that!” Cullen cried.

“I just found out after I drank from the fountain,” I explained. “But yeah, Solas is my biological father.”

“That explains _so_ much,” Cullen sighed, shaking his head. 

“That must be awkward,” Alistair mumbled, eyeing the elf. I shrugged.

“I wondered why Madison suddenly started hanging around Solas so much,” Cullen mused. “And how he suddenly got magic.”

“Well, he always had magic,” I explained. “But, to put it bluntly, he's not as powerful as I am.”

“Is that why you're a seer?” Alistair asked.

“No,” I said. “But I'm not really a Seer anymore.”

“That's right,” Garrett said. “You said you would lose your powers when Corypheus was defeated.”

“Well, for two years,” I said.

“What happens in two years?” Cullen asked.

“The Exalted Council,” I said. “But...that's really hazy so I'm not sure how much my 'Seer' powers will be of use.”

“Anything of the future you can tell me?” Garrett asked. Alistair and Cullen looked at me in interest and I smiled.

“Varric's going to be Viscount,” I said.

“No shit!” Garrett laughed. “I gotta tell him!”

“I'm not done! Jeeze,” I huffed. “The one chance you get to hear me spill secrets and you don't even stick around?”

“I'm sorry, my love,” he said, kissing my hand. “Go on.”

“Anyway,” I said. “Leliana becomes Divine Victoria, Cassandra rebuilds and runs the Seekers, you're not going to Weissupt as some shit goes down there that I'm not sure about so send a fucking letter, Sera and Danga get together, Dorian becomes a Magister in Tevinter, I told him I'm sneaking into his home, and Vivienne builds her own Circle as Leliana refuses to imprison mages again, remind me to take her shopping, Fiona heads the College of Enchanters, Cullen becomes an inspiration and builds a place for Templar's to go through lyrium withdrawal on land Leliana gives him, we're coming to visit, and the Templar's form their own order outside the Chantry to better serve the people, Iron Bull and the Charger's go back to what they were doing, making sure that the peace we fought so hard for remains, with frequent visits to Tevinter, wink wink, Blackwall travels across Thedas, doing good deeds and becoming a bit of a legend, Josephine returns to Antiva and her family's business thrives, especially when she hires those from the house of Repose to guard her ships against Rivani pirates, Cole takes to the road with the Tavern minstrel and eventually becomes fully human, or as human as a spirit can be, Papa goes back to his travels and drops in on us regularly because he knows if he didn't I would hurt him.” I looked up, realizing I had amassed a crowd of the Inner Circle.

“What happens to the Inquisition?” Gethorn asked.

“It disbands after the Exalted Council,” I said. “As it should.”

“What about me, Mamae?” Gethorn questioned. I looked at my son, smiling.

“I don't know, my love,” I said. “What do _you_ wish to do?”

“I guess I'll stick around Skyhold until the Inquisition disbands,” he said. “Then...”

“You have a room at our place,” Garrett said. “And...if you're okay with it...I mean...I...uhm...” I stared at my husband curiously, not sure why he was suddenly nervous until he reached in his pocket and pulled out a couple papers that had been folded together. He shoved them into Gethorn's hands, blushing. Gethorn unfolded them, his violet gaze moving back and forth as he read what it said.

“You...you don't have to sign it,” Garrett said. “I just..I thought you and your Mamae might...I don't know...” He scratched the back of his head. Gethorn stared at Garrett, his mouth open.

“Is this...I mean...really?” he stammered.

“What is going on?” I asked. “What does it say?”

“He...he wants to...to adopt me...I'd be...I'd be a Hawke,” Gethorn stammered, his eyes watering.

“Garrett,” I breathed, looking at my nervous husband. “Is this...did you really?”

“Well, he has a room at our house, we're already his parents,” Garrett said. “I mean...I threatened his boyfriend, and I meant it, by the way, I will end the little shit if he hurts him. I just...why not make it official? If...if you're okay with that, Gethorn. I know we're human, but we still love you and- OOMPH!” Garrett grunted as Gethorn lept into his arms, wrapping his arms and legs around him as tears streamed down his face.

“Yes! Fuck yes! Oh, _creators_!” Gethorn sobbed. Tears spilled down my cheeks and I laughed at the two, Garrett trying to balance himself with the added weight of the eighteen-year-old. Gethorn's cheek was pressed to Garrett's as he hugged him tightly, tears wetting his cheeks. Garrett wrapped an arm around Gethorn, smiling.

“Well, I'll send the paper's off when we get to Kirkwall,” he chuckled. 

“Am I heavy?” Gethorn asked.

“Nah, you're Mamae's heavier,” he said.

“HEY!” I cried, glaring.

“Well you are,” Garrett said. “But it's cause you have those hot tits and sexy ass.”

“I-!” I shouted, then paused, “...can't even be mad when you say it like that.” Gethorn climbed down and walked over to Cullen, stealing his little brother and showering him with kisses.

“Now we're both 'Hawke's',” he said. Malcolm looked at his brother confused, not entirely sure what the big deal was, but glad for the merriment none the less. I threw my arms around my husband, showering him with kisses.

“Have I ever told you how awesome and amazing you are?” I asked.

“Not today, no,” he laughed, nuzzling my cheek.

“Well, you are,” I told him. “I adore you.”

“You two are disgustingly cute,” Krem said.

“Jealous,” I replied.

“Damn right,” he grumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's little Malcolm! Ain't he precious?


	81. Secrets of the Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go my lovelies.

Garrett and I lay in bed together, naked with the blanket kicked down to the foot of the bed. Malcolm dozed in his crib, his hair sticking up in random directions and his chubby butt in the air. I lay on my back with Garrett's head on my chest, his arm around my ribs.

"You need to eat more," he said, kissing my collarbone.

"No, I _don't_!" I laughed. "I'm _finally_ losing weight!"

"Exactly," he whimpered. "I don't _want_ you to lose weight. I was my soft wife back."

"You're sick," I laughed, pushing him playfully.

"If loving my wife all healthy and soft and curvacious makes me a sick man, then love, I'm the _sickest_ ," he purred. I giggled.

"I'll eat a _little_ more," I promised.

"Good," he hummed, trailing his lips along my skin. "Baby?"

“Yeah?” I asked, pausing in stroking his hair.

“If you could have sex with anyone, who would it be?” he questioned.

“Uhm...you?” I replied, puzzled by the question.

“I mean _besides_ me,” he grumbled.

“Anyone?”

“Of the people we know,” he clarified.

“Probably Cullen,” I said.

“I figured.”

“Why did you think him?” I inquired.

“You're close with him and he's a handsome man. And you did kiss him.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “He is hot. And he's sweet. If you hadn't been around I probably would have been with him.” Garrett tilted his head up to look at me, a brow arched.

“Really?” he asked with a smirk.

“Well, yeah,” I said. “He had...maybe still has...a crush on me and I did romance him in the games. But I'm glad I found you.”

“I'm glad, too,” he said, leaning up and kissing me.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just curious,” he said.

“Well,” I hummed. “Who would you sleep with?”

“Me? Hmmm,” he mumbled. “I guess I wouldn't mind sleeping with Cullen either. I had crush on him back in Kirkwall...well...until he opened his mouth. When I arrived here and saw him again, I drooled a little. Then I saw you and I came in my pants, but we all know that story.” I laughed, smacking his pec playfully. He grinned. "So, yeah, Cullen."

“If that _ever_ happens, I wanna watch,” I moaned, squirming. Garrett laughed, kissing the top of my breast.

“Mmm, got all hot thinking about it?” he asked, fingers trailing along my side.

“Oh yes,” I purred, licking my lips. “But why not Isabela?”

“I've already slept with her,” he replied.

“I thought you said you never got with her,” I reminded him.

“I didn't,” he replied. “We got drunk and _fucked_. She wanted more, I didn't. I just wanted sex.”

“Ahhh.”

“Does that bother you?” he questioned. I snorted and shook my head.

“Of course not,” I said. “I've slept with people besides you. I've even had threesomes."

“Wait, you had a _threesome_?” His eyes were wide and his lips curled in an excited smile.

“A couple, actually,” I replied. 

“Two men, two women, three women, what are we talking here?” he questioned.

“Yes,” I replied simply, making him grin.

“Mmm, my kinky little wife,” he purred, kissing between my breast. “I guess that means I can get more _creative_ in bed.”

“All you have to do is ask, love,” I said. “If I'm uncomfortable, I'll let you know.”

“I'll have to plan a special night for us soon,” he suggested, sucking on my neck. “Mmm, now I'm horny.”

“Malcolm's in here,” I reminded him, tilting my head so he had better access to my neck.

“Damn,” he moaned, pulling away. “I can't wait to get home so he has his own room. I love him to _death_ but it's hard to give him a sibling like this.”

“Hey, you chill mister,” I scolded. “I am not getting pregnant right now.”

“Mmm, but I love when you're pregnant,” he complained. “You're even hotter, all round and glowing. _Fuck_ , I want you pregnant.” He pushed my legs apart, climbing between them and rubbing his cock against my naked slit. I pressed my mouth to his shoulder to muffle my moan and dug my nails into his back.

“Don't you dare,” I gasped. “I'll go sleep in Gethorn's room.”

“No you won't,” Garrett said as he kissed under my chin. “Michel is in there.”

“Then I'll sleep in Cullen's room,” I threatened.

“I'll fuck you in _front_ of Cullen,” he returned. “I don't care. He'd probably help me.”

“Why on earth would he help you?” I laughed, pushing at my husband's chest. Garrett growled and nipped at my neck, pulling back and sitting up, his pelvis still against mine. He had that mischievous grin on his face and I eyed my husband suspiciously.

“What?” I asked. “What is it?”

“When you and the damn rest of Skyhold were out fighting Corypheus, Cullen and I were at the empty tavern, drowning our sorrows in ale,” he began, almost giddy. “We were talking about you and Cullen confessed that he had feelings for you andhad kissed you and all that, though, I already knew...”

“Anyway,” I said, twirling my hand to let him know I wanted him to get to the point. 

“ _Anyway_ ,” he agreed. “He told me that he loved seeing you pregnant. You were hot. You still are, I mean, but...”

“ _Garrett_ ,” I laughed.

“Right,” he went on. “He said that he got hard damn near any time you would even hug him.”

“He did _not_!” I said loudly, ducking and clapping my hands over my mouth when Malcolm fussed. We both froze, waiting to see if my exclamation had woken our son. When he quieted and his breathing deepened, I pulled my hands away and glared at my husband.

“He did _not_ ,” I repeated in a harsh whisper.

“Yes he did,” Garrett said. “Also told me he hated and loved that you had no modesty when it came to breastfeeding. You would just whip it out in his office and nurse.” I stifled a giggle. This was true. The first time I had done it, Cullen had turned bright red and his jaw had dropped open.

“Maker, _woman_ ,” he had groaned. 

“What?” I had asked, puzzled as Malcolm hungrily sucked at my nipple.

“You could have gone up to my room,” he said.

“Why?” I asked. “He's just eating.”

“I saw your...never mind,” he grumbled.

I looked up at Garrett, giggling.

“You're bad,” I said. “You shouldn't tease him.”

“We were just trading stories,” Garrett said. “Then he just kind of spilled.”

“Yeah and you didn't egg him on,” I returned with an eye roll.

“You mean did I tell him what you sounded like when I _fucked_ you?” he teased. “Or did I ask him if he thought about how your _skin_ tasted?” At this he leaned down and gave a long lick to my neck, nipping at the junction of my shoulder.

“Garrett,” I moaned as he rolled his hips against mine. “Tell me you didn't.”

“Okay, I didn't,” he said and I could hear his smile.

“You ass,” I huffed, slapping his shoulder.

“Wanna know what he said?” Garrett purred in my ear, tracing the shell with the tip of his tongue.

“I...nnn...Garrett,” I complained, gripping his shoulders.

“He said,” my husband taunted, kissing below my ear, “that he thought you tasted sweet. He said your lips had taste so sweet when he kissed you. He imagined you liked to cling to your lover and moaned in their ear.”

“Oh gods, what did you tell him?” I panted as my husband slowly eased into me.

“I told him it was true,” he hissed, thrusting his hips. “Your moans get higher the closer to get and when you cum, you gasp and whimper and it's so _hot_.”

“ _Bastard_ ,” I whimpered.

“You don't wander?” he taunted, gripping my hair and tilting my head back so I was forced to look into his glowing golden eyes. “You don't wonder how his cock feels inside you? How his lips would feel on you? How he would touch you? How his seed would taste as he came in your mouth?”

“Nnnn! Stooop...” I whimpered.

“Tell me, baby,” he insisted, slowing his thrusts.

“Yes,” I moaned as loud as I dared. “Yes, I've thought about it. All of it. _Yes_.”

“Mmm, that's my good girl,” he purred in my ear, speeding up his thrusts. “I know you love me, but it's okay to sometimes fantasize.”

“Garrett,” I gasped in his ear. “I'm...”

“Yes, baby, cum on my cock,” he growled. “Cum on my cock while I fuck you. Do it, baby.” I bit his neck to muffled my wail, my channel spasming around him and wrenching his orgasm from him. Garrett hovered over me, panting as we came down. We both dared a peek over at the crib, but Malcolm was fast asleep. I glared up at my husband.

“You came in me,” I said.

“I know,” he said. “I forgot to pull out until it was too late.”

“Garrett,” I groaned.

“I'm sorry, baby,” he said. “I'll get you some Witherstalk, okay? I _promise_. I love you pregnant, but I'm not gonna force you.” He eased his weight down on me as he kissed me until I giggled.

“Go to sleep, goober,” I told him, snuggling back into the pillows. He pulled back until he slipped from me and wrapped his arms around me, rolling until I was splayed out on top of him.

“You're so silly,” I said, resting my cheek on his chest.

“You love it,” he said, carding his fingers through the mass of wild curls on my head.

“I do,” I sighed. “I really do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art and pr0n. You guys are the best. Much love.


	82. Three's Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'ma just put this here.  
>  **Warning**  
>  BDSM, threesome, fellatio. yaoi/slash/homostuff (it's light but get's heavier as we go on.) maybe kinda dub-con if you squint and are sensitive.

I moaned as Garrett pushed me up against the wall outside our bedroom, his lips hungrily devouring mine as he groped me lewdly.

“I have a surprise for you,” he said, popping open the buttons of my tunic.

“What is it?” I asked.

“A surprise,” he said. “Close your eyes...and no peeking!” I did as he said, feeling him wave his hand in front of my face. When he determined I couldn't see, he took my hands and opened our bedroom door, pulling me inside. The door closed behind me and Garrett stepped away from me for a moment before coming back to my side.

“Can I look?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “I'm going to blindfold you.”

“Ooo, this is going to be fun,” I purred.

“I hope so,” he said. “Now, did you take the witherstalk?”

“Yup,” I chirped, shifting giddily.

“What's your safe word?” he questioned as he moved behind me and tied my hair back from my face.

“Elfroot,” I replied, feeling him tie a piece of fabric over my eyes.

“Good girl,” he praised. “You're to do as I say but if it gets to be too much or you're uncomfortable, we'll stop, no questions asked. I mean it, baby.”

“I know,” I said.

“What are your rules for play?” he asked, as he finished unbuttoning my tunic and gently pushed it off my shoulders.

“I am to tell you if I am uncomfortable or need to stop.”

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, kissing my chin as he began gently removing my breast band.

“I am to tell you my wants and needs. My wants may be ignored, my needs never will be but neither can be taken care of if I don't say something.”

“Good girl,” he commended, tugging my boots off my feet before unlacing my breeches and sliding them down my legs, putting my hand on his shoulder so I could balance as I lifted one leg and then another as he pulled them off my legs.

“And the last one?” he encouraged, putting his palms to my hips and hooking his fingers under my smalls. He placed hot, open-mouthed kisses on my skin as he slid my under-garments down my legs that made me stammer as I tried to say my last rule.

“I am a person,” I gasped. “I am loved and cherished no matter what is said in the heat of the moment. If something is said that upsets me, I need to say something. My feelings are just as treasured as my body and neither should be harmed.”

“That's my girl,” he said, rising to his feet and kissing me sweetly before moving behind me and taking my wrists. I felt one of our silk scarves on my skin as he tied my hands behind my back, his lips on my shoulders. When he was done, he stepped back and I could feel him walking around me, his fingers randomly caressing me.

“Mmm, if that's not a delicious sight,” he moaned. I felt his lips on mine and surrendered to him, sucking on his tongue and leaning into him. He pulled away, putting a hand on my shoulder and gently urging me forward. I took a few tentative steps, knowing I was moving towards the bed. Garrett pulled me to a stop just before I got to it and pushed on my shoulder gently.

“Kneel,” he ordered. I did so, easing myself down to my knee's where I found a pillow ready for me. It felt like someone was in front of me and I paused, turning my head towards Garrett.

“What's going on?” I asked.

“Shhh,” Garrett soothed, his voice close to my ear letting me know he was squatting down. “Do you trust me?”

“More than anything,” I said.

“I love you,” he cooed.

“I love you, too,” I replied, nuzzling his hand on my cheek.

“Face front and lean forward,” he instructed. I did, moving slowly so I didn't smash my face into whatever was in front of me. Something hard brushed my chin and I paused, tilting my head down so it rubbed against my lips. I heard a stifled gasp above me and pulled back a bit, licking my lips. They were smeared with a salty fluid and my vulva tingled with arousal as I realized what it was.

“What is that?” Garrett asked from my side, his voice a little farther away, letting me know he had stood back up.

“A cock,” I breathed.

“That's right,” he purred. “Now open that sweet mouth of yours and suck it.” I moaned, parting my lips and leaning forward again. The head of the cock pressed against my lower lip and I angled my head down, twirling my tongue around the crown. A muffled groan sounded above me as the tip slid between my lips, pressing against my tongue. I took as much of the shaft in my mouth as I could, sucking firmly on it, dipping my head slightly. The head tapped at the back of my mouth and I relaxed my throat, letting it slid down my esophagus and swallowing around it before pulling back. I bobbed my head on the cock, moaning around it, enjoying the thick shaft in my mouth, the strong smell of musk, sweat, and leather. Drool spilled from my lips, coating the shaft so my lips moved more easily over the firm skin, making lewd, wet sounds as I gave the person on our bed a blow job. I arched my back, pushing my ass back and spreading my legs, my pussy dripping wet as I listened to the person above me groan while Garrett praised me.

“That's a good little cock sucker,” my husband moaned. “Look at her. Her sweet mouth was made to take cock. I love seeing those pink lips stretched around a dick, wet with spit. Oh look, she's moving her hips. She's getting turned on just sucking your cock. Such a dirty little slut.” A hand gripped my hair, the hips below me giving shallow thrusts, pulling back when I gagged. A jet of precum hit the back of my throat and I swallowed it, pulling back to greedily tongue the slit. There was movement above me and I heard the wet pop of someone's mouth, letting me know whoever I was giving fellatio to was mouthing something to Garrett.

“Okay,” he said. “Let's get her on the bed.” The person pulled me off their cock gently, reached down and slipping their hands under my armpits. I was pulled into a lap, lips pressing against my neck as I heard a rustle of movement, guessing that my husband was doing something. I mewled, tilting my head back. The person nipped at my throat and I felt the scratch of stubble on my skin that made my nipples tingle.

“Garrett,” I breathed, causing the person to pause.

“Yes, baby?” he asked and I felt his hand in my hair.

“Can I have my hands in front of me?” I asked.

“Of course, baby,” he said. “Are your shoulders hurting?”

“A little,” I confessed. “My back is still a little tender.” He moved behind me, unbinding my wrists and massaging my shoulders as the person beneath me trailed their lips along my collarbone.

“Do we need to stop?” he asked, concerned.

“No, no,” I assured, using my chin to push the person's head back and finding their lips in a slow kiss. “I wanna keep going. This is so hot.”

“Mmm, that's my kinky little slut,” my husband growled. The person in front of me took my wrists in their hands, kissing them briefly before tying them together. I looped them around his neck, scooting my hips forward so I felt their cock on my naked sex. Another moan and hands gripped my ass, massaging the fleshy mass while I ground down on the spit-soaked shaft. The hand pulled away and delivered a light slap to my rump while the person whispered;

“Behave.”

“I want it in me,” I whined.

“Soon,” the person breathed out, shifting and rolling me onto my back so I was splayed out on the bed. The person ducked out from under my arms and began to kiss down my body, stopping to suck on my beaded nipples hungrily. I felt milk squirt out and blushed. Even though Malcolm didn't nurse anymore, I couldn't get my milk to dry up. I knew it was because Garrett wouldn't stop sucking on my nipples, drinking down my milk as he fucked me. It was a serious kink of his, apparently one shared by the other person in the room if the moan I heard was anything to go by.

“Her milk is so sweet,” Garrett said. “She loves having her nipples sucked. She's cum just from that before.” The person groaned, opening their mouth wider to take more of my breast in, their teeth scrapping my skin. I cried out, writhing beneath them, spreading my legs wide and bucking my hips as the other person took great gulps of my milk.

“Please,” I begged. “Please, more.” A hand cupped my dripping sex, massaging it firmly before slipping two fingers inside me so I sobbed with need.

“Stroke her clit with your thumb,” Garrett instructed from beside me and the person did, the action driving me mad with pleasure as they moved to the other breast, cupping the one they had been playing with in their hand. Calloused fingers pinched and rubbed at my saliva slicked nipple as a hot tongue circled my other one, flicking it teasingly before sucking firmly to get my milk. Garrett pulled my hands over my head, gently pinning them to the bed as I was tormented, his lips trailing over mine before moving to my neck and teasing the skin there. I thrashed on the bed, my hips jerking wildly against that strong hand.

“Here, finger her like this,” Garrett said and the person paused as my husband took their hand, his wrist on my pelvis as he adjusted their fingers. “Your pinkie will tease her asshole and she loves that.” The person slid their fingers back inside me, their thumb swirling around my pearl while their pinkie slipped between my ass cheeks and pressed against my back entrance. I let out a shriek of pleasure and the other man chuckled, shifting his hand so his ring finger teased the wrinkled ring of muscles as well. The hot mouth returned to my breast, resuming the torment as I bucked and begged, completely on edge.

“Please,” I wailed. “Let me cum.”

“No,” Garrett said and the person paused their hand. “You don't get to cum until that cock is buried in you.”

“Then fuck me,” I whimpered, tugging at my wrists that were still pinned to the bed. Garrett tightened his hold briefly to let me know he wasn't going to let me up and the two chuckled.

“Not yet,” my husband cooed, kissing the corner of my mouth. “Our guest wants to explore your hot body.”

“Hot?” I laughed. “I've had a kid and gotten scarred by Corypheus, dear. I'm hardly hot.”

“I disagree,” the other person whispered in that way that kept me from recognizing their voice, though I had already guessed who was in the room with us.  Those lips teased the skin of my stomach, a hot tongue tracing my stretch marks. Though my stomach had mostly recovered, the physical demands of training toning it nicely in a way it had never been before, I still had a little pudge that I couldn't seem to get rid of and the dark red stretch marks from being pregnant as well as the faint silver ones from my growth spurt. Teeth tugged at my belly button ring and I whimpered softly.

“Please fuck me,” I gasped, arching my back and lifting my hips towards the person.

“Not yet,” they breathed, mouth hovering over my soaked sex. Garrett moved to my chest, taking up teasing me as the other person trailed their tongue over my vulva lips, groaning.

“She likes to be shaved,” Garrett said, releasing my nipple. “I have to do it for her, but it's nice. She gets much wetter and it's hot.” The person moaned in agreement as they sucked on one of my cunny lips before pushing their tongue inside me. I shrieked in pleasure, bucking my hips towards that hot mouth carefully, the stubble on their face teasing my sensitive skin.

“Is she as sweet as you thought?” Garrett asked.

“Maker, yes.” The person paused long enough to gasp that out before going back to devouring me.

“Nnnn! I'm gonna...” I panted and twisted wildly on the bed, not wanting to be punished for climaxing when I had been told not to until I had the other man's cock in me.

“Do it,” came the breathy order from between my thighs and two fingers pressed inside me, curling up.

“Mmmm, you heard the man,” Garrett said. “He wants to suck on your sweet cunny juice, so give it to him.” I wailed, doing as I was told and orgasming against those demanding lips. A moan vibrated against my sex and that hot tongue lapped up every drop of my climax, sucking on my lips and clit so I whimpered, oversensitive. That mouth was insistent and the pleasure turned to pain as my nerves lit up, too raw to handle it.

“Elfroot,” I gasped and both men paused.

“Too sensitive?” Garrett asked. I nodded, whining in my throat and pulling my hips back. The person between my legs rubbed my thighs and hips while Garrett stroked my hair, kissing my eyes over the blindfold that I realized was damp with tears. It had been a while since Garrett and I had played like this, the demands of being a Seer and a mother leaving us little alone time. I wasn't used to being teased so.

“Do we need to stop or do you just need a breather?” he asked.

“Breather,” I panted.

“Okay, baby,” he cooed, kissing my cheeks and petting my stomach while the other man continued his massaging, peppering my skin with kisses.

“Tell us when you're good again,” my husband said, stroking my cheek tenderly. I took a deep breath, relaxing my body as the person between my legs pressed a sweet kiss to my hip.

“I'm okay,” I said. “Sorry.”

“Don't be 'sorry', love,” Garrett said. “If it's too much, we need you to say something. Right, my friend?”

“Mmm-hmm,” the other man hummed, kissing my inner thigh. I smiled and moved my bound hands behind Garrett's head carefully, pulling him down for a long kiss. When we parted, I sat up, feeling around for the other person. When I touched a broad shoulder, I looped my hands around his neck and tugged him towards me. He moved up and I carefully bent down, turning my head until my lips touched a stubbled cheek. I shifted until I found his lips, kissing him slowly at first before parting my lips and pressing my tongue forward. There was a pause before slightly chapped lips parted and I could deepen the kiss, sliding my tongue along the other man's. Strong arms came around me and my breast pushed against a wide chest. The person put their hands on the bed, rising up but never breaking contact, urging me back onto the bed. I spread my legs to give them more room and I felt them kneel between my legs.

“That's hot,” Garrett groaned. “ _Fuck_ , that's so hot.” The man and I laughed, pulling away.

“Like watching your wife get fucked by another man?” I teased.

“Oh yes,” he said. “I think I'm a bit of a voyeur.” The other man kissed my neck, nipping and sucking the places Garrett pointed out to drive me wild.

“Please,” I whimpered.

“You want his cock?” Garrett purred as the man rubbed his cock head against my slit.

“Yes,” I hissed. “Please.”

“Do you know who it is?” Garrett teased and the man paused, his hand stroking my side. I grinned, reaching up and kissing his chin sweetly.

“It's Cullen,” I said.

“How did you know?” Cullen asked from above me, chuckling.

“Your scent,” I said. “And your voice when you moaned.”

“Damn,” Garrett grumbled. “I told you to be quiet.”

“You try staying quiet when she's sucking your cock,” Cullen huffed, reaching behind my head and untying my blindfold. I blinked slowly as my eyes adjusted to the light, I looked up at Cullen who was smiling down at me, his hand smoothing my hair back from my face. He was naked, his cock swollen and purple as it rested against my pussy. He ducked from beneath my arms, leaning back to drop the blindfold on the bedside table and I took the moment to admire his muscled form. Like Garrett, his stomach was toned with a smattering of golden hair that trailed down and encircled his thick cock. Scars crisscrossed his chest, stomach and arms and I reached out, running my fingers over them. He sat back, letting me touch him, honey colored eyes watching me. Garrett knelt beside us, naked as well, his cock being lazily stroked by his hand as he observed us.

“Are you okay with this?” I asked Cullen, reaching up to stroke my fingers along his neck. He arched a brow and he and Garrett shared an amused look.

“Am I okay with having sex with you?” he asked, the corner of his mouth quirking up in that familiar grin of his that showed the edges of his teeth.

“I mean, I don't want...I...I know how you feel about me and I hope Garrett hasn't used that against you,” I said, casting my husband a look. Cullen laughed, leaning down and kissing me tenderly.

“I love you,” he said in a gentle voice, his arms sliding under me to hold me against him. “But I know I won't ever replace Garrett and I don't want to. I know what this is and I'm okay with it. As long as you are, that is.” I smiled and nuzzled his neck, my legs draped over his hips.

“I love you, Cullen,” I sighed. “And I am perfectly okay with being sandwiched between two sexy men like yourselves.” Garrett laughed, moving up by my head and taking my hands from around Cullen's neck to pin to the bed.

“I like her helpless,” Garret remarked with a smirk. Cullen turned back to me, adjusting my legs around his waist.

“Maker you're beautiful,” he sighed, his eyes raking over me. I flushed, looking away shyly.

“Isn't she?” Garret hummed, reaching down and rubbing my thigh. “She also wants you to fuck her, _Commander_.”

“I know,” Cullen said. “I want to play with her a little more, though.” I whimpered, wriggling my hips eagerly.

“Cullen...” I whined.

“C'mon,” Garrett encouraged. “Put it in her. We have _all_ night.” Cullen chuckled and leaned back, gripping the base of his cock and pushing the tip against my entrance until it slipped in. I let out a soft gasp and he sighed, his eyes slipping closed as he slid his cock to the base.

“Amazing, isn't she?” Garrett asked in a soft voice.

“Yes,” Cullen said, breathlessly. I shivered at the feel of him inside me, arching my back so my pelvis was fully pressed against his.

“Fuck her,” Garrett encouraged. “Fuck her like you've been _dying_ to.” Cullen bent down, wrapping his arms around my ribs and giving me a slow kiss. He began a languid pace, easing out before gently pressing back in. I mewled, bouncing my hips up to meet his as I gripped Garrett's hands.

“Cullen,” I whimpered. “Harder.” He chuckled and picked up the pace, pressing his face into my neck.

“Bite her,” Garrett said. “She'll tighten up on you.” Blunt teeth dug into the juncture of my neck and I keened low in my throat, my hips jerking up to meet his. Cullen groaned against my neck, sucking on the tender skin there as his hips moved. His cock was hot and thick inside me, pressing against my inner walls in the most delicious way and tapping my cervix each time he slammed forward.

"Harder!" I gasped. "Fuck me, Cullen!" Cullen swore and picked up the pace, his pelvis slamming into mine hard so my breast bounced on my chest. He nipped and sucked at them, his gaze locked on me as if he couldn't bear to look away. He shifted and his cock brushed over that spot inside me so I writhed and begged for more. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him into me.

"How does his cock feel, baby girl?" Garrett asked.

"So good," I moaned.

"Is it how you imagined it would feel?"

"Better," I panted. "Cullen. Cullen, fuck me. Fuck me like you want to, Cullen."

"I don't want to hurt you," he gasped out.

"She has her safe word," Garrett said. "Now, either fuck my wife so she squirts or I'm drugging you." Cullen looked at Garrett who only grinned. The Commander grabbed my hips, unwinding my legs from his waist and pushing them up to my chest. He began fucking me, hard, until the room was filled with the lewd wet sound of our coupling. I wailed, thrashing on the bed, each thrust making fluid gush out of me. The commander shifted slightly, the hand on my hip moving to rub my clit frantically as he fucked me.

“Fuck, she's cumming,” Garrett gasped. “Look at her face.” Cullen tilted his head back, moaning and quickened his pace.

“Cum,” he groaned and I did, letting out a low cry as my channel spasmed wildly around him. He let out a breath between gritted teeth that changed to a throaty groan as he pressed his face into my neck. I panted against his shoulder, my hips twitching as I rode out my climax. Garrett gripped my hair, turning my head to face him. He pushed his cock past my lips and I sucked firmly on the head as he stroked his shaft quickly. It only took a few pulls before his seed was filling my mouth. I swallowed rapidly, flicking my tongue against the slit as I suckled the last drops of cum out. He stroked my hair as he came down, his cock softening between my lips. I let it slip free and smiled at him, holding my bound wrist out. He chuckled and untied them, kissing the slightly pink skin beneath. I carded my fingers through Cullens hair as he lazily kissed my neck. His cock slipped out of me and he rolled to the side.

“How do you feel, baby?” Garrett asked, laying down on my other side.

“Great,” I sighed. “I'm such a lucky lady.”

“You?” Garrett asked. “ _I'm_ lucky. Most wives would have punched their husband for suggesting this.”

“Crazy prudes,” I said. Cullen laughed, leaning over and kissing me.

“Was it just like you imagined?” Garrett asked Cullen.

“Better,” the former Templar said with a grin. “It was...incredible.”

“See why I'm such a happy man?” Garrett laughed. I reached over and slapped my husband's arm.

“Hush,” I said. “Before you say something insensitive.” Garrett and Cullen laughed and I snuggled back into Garret while I pulled Cullen close.

“I don't suppose I could get you two to kiss?” I asked sweetly. Cullen and Garrett looked at each other for a moment.

“I don't mind,” Garrett said. “Wouldn't be the first time I kissed a man.”

“Er...” Cullen stammered. “I...suppose.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable...” I began.

“I've just never kissed a man like that,” Cullen said. He lifted himself up on his elbow and leaned over me. I tilted my head up, watching as their lips met. It was slow at first, just the gentle press of lips, then Garrett tilted his head to the side and parted his lips, his tongue slipping out and pressing against Cullens lips. The commander parted his lips and Garrett's tongue slid into his mouth, teasing his. Garrett pulling his tongue back, sucking on Cullens bottom lip before pulling back slightly. Cullen leaned forward, putting his hand on the back of Garrett's neck and tugging him closer. Garrett smirked and the two began kissing again. I moaned softly and the two pulled away, looking down at me.

“That was _so hot_ ,” I panted. Two sets of golden eyes gazed at me with amusement before looking back at each other.

“Is it too much if I want to watch you two fuck?” I asked.

“Uhhh...” Cullen said, looking nervous.

“You can fuck me,” Garrett offered.

“Can I think about it?” Cullen asked.

“Of course,” Garrett said. “It doesn't even have to be tonight. Well, unless you _just_ want tonight.”

“What?” Cullen and I both said, looking at Garrett.

“Just a suggestion,” Garrett said flippantly.

“You'd let me sleep with your wife...regularly?” Cullen asked.

“As long as I am either present or aware of it,” Garrett said, taking my hand and kissing it. “I have her heart, I don't mind sharing her body. As long as she's okay with it.”

“I...have no idea what to say,” I laughed. “Can I think about that one?”

“Of course, baby,” he said. “Nothing has to be decided tonight.”

“I do want one thing tonight,” I said.

“What's that?” they both asked.

“I want to get fucked by Garrett while Cullen cums in my mouth,” I cooed.

“That can be arranged,” my husband laughed, leaning over and kissing Cullen again before moving down to kiss me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the moment you were all waiting for has come. It get's so fucking smutty. I mean, this basically becomes porn with plot and we really delve into the BDSM aspect of this story.
> 
> On a side note, I know many of you are excited about the AU I'm working on and I'm excited too. If there is anything you were hoping to see in it, or things you were hoping I'd address, please let me know, either here or you can drop me a line. I'd love to hear it and I'm sure you all have your own headcannon's involving either the Dragon Age Universe as a whole or just Michelle and Madison.
> 
> As always, you guys are the best and I try to let you know as much as possible with adding art and other things when I can. ♥♥♥


	83. See You Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little minor fluff then back to the smut parade. I'm posting tonight because I won't get a chance tomorrow.  
>  _words_ = Elvish

I stood at the gates of Skyhold, Malcolm on my hip. My father tightened the strap on his saddlebag before turning to me.

“ _Do you have to leave already?_ ” I asked with a whimper.

“Da'lath'in, _I told you..._ ” he sighed.

“ _I know_ ,” I interrupted. “ _I just...I'm going to miss you, Papa._ ” He turned, blue eyes gazing at me tenderly as he caught sight of my sorrowful expression. He walked over, cupping my cheek, his thumb swiping at the tears that fell.

“ _I'll visit you, my darling,_ ” he promised. “ _And I can see you in your dreams._ ”

“ _Every time I try to wander the fade, the spirits yell at me_ ,” I huffed.

 _“I sent them to protect you_ ,” he explained with a smirk.

“ _Papa_ ,” I complained. He kissed my brow, pulling me into a hug, careful not to squish Malcolm.

“ _My sweet child_ ,” he said into my hair. “ _I love you. You have changed the world in more ways_ than _one and I will always be there for you. But, you're a grown woman. You don't need me._ ”

“ _Wouldn't I technically still be pretty young since I'm part Elvhen?_ ” I asked.

“ _You're also part mortal_ ,” he pointed out. “ _What are you really worried about?_ ”

“ _That you'll do something stupid,_ ” I said. Solas laughed, shaking his head.

“ _Blunt as a dwarven hammer, my dear,_ ” he said. 

“ _I say it will all the love in my heart_ ,” I told him. He smiled and hugged me again.

“ _Don't worry,_ ” he told me. “ _Even if I do bring down the Veil, I'll_ come _to hide you in an Eluvian first_.”

“ _Papa_ ,” I said warningly. He only smirked, kissing my forehead. 

“ _Here's your staff, Dad_ ,” Madison said as he joined us, handing Solas his weapon. Solas took it, pulling Madison into a tight hug as he did.

“ _I will miss you, son_ ,” he said. “ _If you need me..._ ”

“ _I know_ ,” Madison said as they parted. “ _I just need to call out in the Fade._ ” Solas smiled, nodding and cupped Madison's cheek, pressing a kiss to his brow.

“ _Dad_ ,” Madison complained.

“ _Hush_ ,” Solas said, reaching out and taking Malcolm from me.

“ _Baela is going to go now,_ fenlin,” he said.

“ _Why_?” Malcolm asked.

“ _Because I have things to take care of,_ ” Solas explained. “ _But I'll visit and if you miss me too much, just call to me in your dreams and I'll be there_.”

“ _Love you, Baela_ ,” Malcolm said, wrapping his little arms around Solas's neck. My father positively melted, tucking his face into Malcolm's neck and clenching his eyes shut.

“ _I love you, too, my little wolfling_ ,” he said softly. “ _More than I ever thought possible_.” Solas set Malcolm on the ground, mounting his horse.

“ _Is there anything you want me to bring you?_ ” he asked us. “ _I'll be going far so if you need something exotic..._ ”

“ _I'm good, Dad_ ,” Madison laughed.

“ _Are you sure, isha'len_?” Solas asked.

“ _A wolf pelt,_ ” Madison said flippantly. “ _I want to look like you_.”

“ _You mean more so?_ ” I asked my brother, my eyes raking over him. Solas had told me that the 'early concept art' picture I had of him where he had long brown dreadlocks had been pretty much what he looked like when he was younger and my brother's hair had grown out to his shoulders. He had also, on a whim, shaved the sides and let some of the elven girls bead a few strands for him. The only things that were different were his mouth, which he got from our mother and the goatee he sported.

“ _Josie says I look dashing,_ ” he bragged.

“ _What about you,_ ashalan _?_ ” he asked. I thought for a moment, then smiled.

“ _The first rose in full bloom you see_ ,” I replied. He arched a brow.

“ _Why that_?” he asked.

“ _You will have to carry it with you and then you will think of me,_ ” I said simply. He laughed, nodding his head.

“ _Very well_ ,” he said. We watched as he turned his horse around and rode off across the bridge. Malcolm toddled after him for a bit before stopping, watching as he vanished from sight.

“ _Mamae_?” he asked, looking to me.

“ _We'll see Baela again, my sweet,_ ” I said, kneeling down and holding out my arms. Malcolm walked back to me, snuggling against my breast as I lifted him.

“ _Think he'll bring the Veil down?_ ” Madison asked.

“ _I don't know_ ,” I admitted. “ _He'll try and save us, though, so we'll have enough warning to try and stop him._ ”

“ _I do not want to stand against our father in a war,_ ” he sighed, raking his fingers through his hair.

“ _He wouldn't fight us,_ ” I told him. “ _He'd try to hide us away to keep us safe._ ”

“ _You're leaving for Kirkwall soon, aren't you?_ ” he asked suddenly, changing the subject.

“ _Yes_ ,” I said. “ _You'll be staying here with Josie?_ ”

“ _I will,_ ” he said. “ _When she returns to Antiva, I'll be going with her._ ”

“ _I'll miss you_ ,” I whimpered.

“ _I'll miss you,_ ” he returned, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “ _But we'll see each other often_.” 

“ _I know_ ,” I said. “ _It's just...we've been together since we found each other. It'll be weird. And what are you going to do about your magic?_ ”

 _“Josie is going to hire a teacher_ ,” he said. “ _And Dad said he would find me in the Fade to continue my lessons_.”

“ _Shame Josie isn't a mage_ ,” I laughed. “ _Having a mage spouse does have its benefits._ ”

“ _So does having a Templar lover, I hear_ ,” Madison said, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, a grin on his face.

“ _Okay, how did you know_?” I asked with a glare.

“ _I'm your twin, moron_ ,” he teased. “ _It's hard not to notice the looks you and Cullen have been shooting at each other or the lingering touches._ ”

“ _It was Garrett's idea,_ ” I said.

“ _Kinky bastard,_ ” my brother laughed. “ _So it's a threesome?_ ”

“ _Yes_ ,” I said. 

“ _Nice_ ,” he commended. “ _Seems no matter where you go, you have kinky sex_.”

“ _It's a gift_ ,” I said airily.

“ _Mamae_ ,” Malcolm said. “ _What's sex?_ ” Madison burst into peals of laughter while I flushed darkly.

“ _It's what Mommy's and Daddy's do to make baby's_ ,” I said, proud of my poker face.

“ _Oh_ ,” he said, quickly losing interest in the conversation when he spied Bull. “BULL!” Bull turned and grinned, stooping down as Malcolm all but leaped from my arms and raced towards him.

“There's my favorite warrior!” the Qunari rumbled, scooping my son up in his arms. Malcolm promptly headbutted the mercenary, much to his delight.

“Ooo! That was a good one!” Bull praised, rubbing his head. “You're getting better!”

“I hope you swing by anytime you're near Kirkwall, Bull,” I said. “Malcolm is going to miss you terribly.”

“I'll miss him, too,” Bull sighed. “But I will drop by whenever I can. Gotta keep him tough! Right!?”

“Chargers!” Malcolm screamed. “Horns up!” Bull bellowed out a laugh.

“Damn right, kid!” he said. “Let's go wrestle Krem!”

“Bye Mamae!” Malcolm said, waving as he was carried away.

“Have fun,” I called after them. “And do what Uncle Bull says, Malcolm! I mean it!”

“You're gonna miss this place,” Madison said as we watched the two jog away. 

“Terribly so,” I sighed. “If I could, I'd say we just all remain, but it won't work out like that.”

“I know,” Madison said sadly.


	84. Two for The Price Of One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING**  
>  All of them. Yaoi/slash/homostuff. threesome. dirty talk. lactation kink. daddy kink. fuck, all the things. This is so NSFW I may be arrested. *lights a cigarette and pours herself some wine* I go through periods where I have tons of ideas for sex scenes and you can tell....this was one such period. I hope you enjoy.

I strolled into Cullen's office, ducking behind the door when I saw it filled with Inquisition soldiers, all handing him reports. He spied me, pausing in what he was saying before quickly dismissing everyone. I watched them all leave while he followed, closing the door behind them. He leaned against the wood, sighing heavily.

“Tired?” I asked.

“A little,” he admitted, pushing off the door and turning to me. He was blushing, his honey colored eyes skirting around the room nervously. We hadn't spent much time together since our little threesome a few days ago.

“I saw Solas leave,” he said after clearing his throat.

“Yeah, Babae has some things to take care of,” I explained. “He promised to drop by when he could.”

“I heard you're leaving for Kirkwall soon yourself,” he said, turning around and walked back to his desk.

“I am,” I said, following him. “Are you going to miss me?”

“You know I am,” he said softly, looking out the window.

“I love you, Cullen,” I said suddenly. He paused, turning to look at me sadly.

“I love you too,” he said. “I know why you're here, I just don't know what to tell you.”

“The truth,” I said with a smile. “You won't hurt my feelings if you say 'no'.”

“I don't want to say 'no',” he told me, sitting in his chair. “But...I don't want anyone to get hurt.” I walked over to his desk, moving around it so I stood beside him. I put my foot on the seat between his legs, careful not to step on his groin and pushed his chair out until I had enough room to stand before him. I ran my fingers through his hair, stroking his cheek then down to his neck. He watched me, those amber eyes of his intent on my face. I bent down, kissing him deeply, my tongue sliding along his. He returned it, moaning against my lips.

“It will go on as long as you wish it,” I said when I pulled away. “If you meet some pretty thing you want to start a relationship with, you just have to tell us and it ends, no hard feelings. If you just want to end it because Garrett and I aren't as hot and sexy as we used to be, the same thing goes. If you don't want to do something, let us know. We won't force you to do anything, Cullen.”

“What if it's about more than sex?” Cullen asked. “What if I want...I mean...” I stared at Cullen and saw the desperate look in his eyes. I couldn't deny it anymore. A part of me loved Cullen, as more than a friend and I was selfish enough to want to have my cake and eat it, too.

“Cullen,” I said, gently, sitting on the edge of his desk. “This is more than sex. We're friends and I..I.." I paused, swallowing. "I  love you. Garrett holds my heart in a very special way, but so do you. You always have." Cullen looked up at me, honey-colored eyes uncertain. I gave him a tight smile and shrugged, looking down at my hands.

"I can't give you children, more because it's not practical for me to do so and it would cause too much pain for one or both of us, not to mention the child. But I can love you.” Cullen leaned back in his chair.

"How long?" he asked, echoing the words I had said to him at the Winter Palace. I turned away from him, staring at the window. I didn't want to admit just how long I had loved Cullen. Gloved hands gently turned my chin back.

"How long?" I swallowed and shook my head.

"I think I always have," I said carefully. "I didn't realize it until...until after we went to the Temple of Mythal, but...you've always been there for me. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship and...I didn't know if you could accept...the dark parts of me. You saw how I am. I crave dominance and what you saw with Garrett was just the tip of the iceberg."

Cullen chuckled, leaning back in his chair.

“You've thought about this,” he remarked.

“I've had time since you've been _avoiding_ me,” I groused. “But if you have concerns or you just don't want to do it, tell me. I can't address a problem I don't know about.” Cullen started at me, stroking his chin with his index finger slowly as amber eyes stared at me.

“It's just...” he sighed, only for the door to fly open and Garrett to come strolling in.

“There you two are,” he said. “I was looking for you.”

“We were discussing our 'arrangement',” I said.

“Ahhh,” Garrett sighed, quickly closing the doors. “Carry on.”

“I was just saying, I wouldn't want to come between you two,” Cullen said.

“If we feel you are, we'll talk about it and end it if we have to,” Garrett said, walking over and leaning on the wall behind Cullen. “And if you're nervous about what I said about _us_ fucking, we don't have to. You can just fuck her, I like watching.” Garrett made a gesture towards me before turning and spitting out the window casually. Cullen was watching Garrett, leaning back in his chair slightly, his head tipped back as he continued to stroke his chin. He nodded his head, humming softly as his gaze moved to me.

“What am I allowed to do with her?” Cullen asked. Garrett barked a laugh.

“Anything she lets you,” he replied. “I'll tell you the things that really get her going and the stuff that she'll kick you out of bed for. Void, we can get together and plot against her like we did when we started this.”

“She had rules,” Cullen began. “What's that about?”

“Because some of the things we like to do are...outside the norm?... I established rules for her to make sure she wouldn't get hurt,” Garrett explained. “Mainly that she doesn't suffer in silence because she tends to do that.”

“I'm getting better,” I grumbled.

“You are,” Garrett agreed with a smile. “I was proud of you when you used your safeword the other night. You let us know it was too much for you.” I smiled at this.

“What would you two expect of me?” Cullen asked.

“Whatever you were willing to give,” I said. Cullen eyed us both for a moment, golden brows furrowed. He suddenly clapped his hands on the arms of his chair and stood, taking a step towards me and seizing me by the waist. His lips were on mine before I could think, his tongue demanding access to my mouth. I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him back enthusiastically. Kissing Cullen was very different from kissing my husband. Where Garrett's kisses were often slow and sensual, Cullen's were eager if a little shy. I giggled, pulling back to take a breath.

“Does that mean 'yes'?” I asked.

“It does,” he said, leaning down and kissing me again.

“Let's celebrate!” Garrett declared, heading towards the ladder that led to Cullen's room. Cullen reached out, grabbing his arm and pulling him to a stop. Garrett looked at the Commander curiously, but Cullen just smiled, pulling away from me and kissing the other man soundly on the mouth. Garrett's eyes grew wide for a moment before he smirked, tilting his head and deepening the kiss. I watched, fascinated as they pretty much made out, chewing on my lower lip.

“Damn, I could watch you two kiss all night,” I breathed. They pulled apart, laughing and turned to me.

“Last one to the bed has to kiss my ass!” I declared, jumping over the desk and racing up the ladder.

“ _Has_ to?” Garrett parroted. “You mean _gets_ to!”

“Now we'll never get up there,” Cullen snickered. I hung off the ladder, giggling.

“Get up here you two or neither one of you will,” I ordered. They looked at each other before scurrying over to join me. I made it up to Cullen's room, casting my gaze around. It hadn't changed much since I had slept there when we first arrived at Skyhold. The hole in the ceiling was less prominent, but still there, a cool breeze filtering in. His armor stand and chest stood in the corner with a few Candelabra stands here and there.

“Cullen, you have a hole in your roof,” Garrett said as he got top.

“I know,” Cullen said from the ladder.

“Leave it alone, Garrett,” I said. “He's claustrophobic.”

“How did you...never mind,” Cullen sighed as he reached the top. “Dumb question, but yes, I am.”

“It's a nice hole?” Garrett tried. Cullen rolled his eyes and smirked, turning to me.

“I was last so I believe I get to kiss your rump,” he said, changing the subject. I giggled, quickly divesting myself of my gown while the men did the same. Garrett and I were naked before Cullen and went over to help him with his armor, stealing kisses in between removing plates. When he was finally naked, he grabbed me and kissed me deeply, his hands cupping and kneading my breast. 

“What really turns her on?” Cullen asked, glancing at Garrett. My husband smiled and walked over to the Commander, leaning in his ear and whispering something. Cullen blushed slightly but looked at me with interest. 

“I'm not sure I can do that,” he said. “I haven't had a whole lot of experience.”

“Just imagine it's like one of your soldiers,” Garrett said. "It's actually pretty easy once you see how it gets her going."

Cullen nodded and reached out, taking my hair in his hand and gently tugging my head back. I let out a little sigh of pleasure, looking up at him. His lips moved to my neck, biting down hard on the spot where my shoulder started. I gasped, leaning into him, my knee's shaking. Cullen kissed and licked the spot he had bit, soothing it before dropping to his knee's before me. I looked down, curiously, unsure of what he was doing. That crooked grin of his graced his lips and he kissed my stomach.

“I believe I get to kiss your ass,” he said, his hands on my hips urging me to turn. I laughed and spun around so my back was to him, watching as my husband moved closer to us. Lips brushed along my rump, teasing it before I felt teeth scrap the skin. Cullen placed hot, sucking open-mouthed kisses on my bottom in a worshiping manner. I moaned softly at the attention, his hands massaging my hips and legs. He urged my legs apart slightly, ducking his head down to lick a line from my pussy to my asshole, spreading my cheeks open to tease the wrinkled flesh with the tip of his tongue.

“Nooo,” I moaned, but Cullen ignored my protests.

“Hush, baby,” Garrett said gently. “Let him.”

“Dirty,” I gasped. 

“You had a bath earlier,” Garrett replied. I could see my husband watching us with rapt attention, his cock hardening as Cullen nipped and lapped at my back entrance. I whimpered when Cullen bit down at the spot where my ass and thigh met before rising to his feet. He gripped my hair, kissing me hotly and I melted against him.

“I want you to suck me,” he said breathlessly.

“Mmm, yes, Commander,” I purred, dropping to my knee's when he released my hair. I kissed the tip of his cock, twirling my tongue around the head so he moaned. One thing about Thedas, most men seemed to be circumcised. Not that I minded an uncut penis, but hygiene seemed to be lacking among some people so I guessed it made sense. I took Cullen's cock in my mouth, sucking on what I could and stroking the rest with my hand.

“I hope you're planning on deep throating that cock,” my husband growled. I pulled my hand away and relaxed my esophagus, pushing forward until my lips pressed around the base. Cullen groaned, gripping my hair and jerking his hips. I swallowed around him before pulling back and sucking what I could fit in my mouth.

“You better suck that cock proper,” Garrett growled and gripped my hair, shoving me forward. I moaned as Cullen's cock pushed down my throat, my husband bobbing my head so my mouth was brutally fucked. Cullen's sack slapped at my chin and drool spilled from the corners of my mouth. I pushed back against Garrett's hand when I needed air and he jerked my head back, Cullen's now wet cock slipping free. I panted, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and looking up at the Commander. He gripped his cock, tracing my swollen lips with the tip. I moaned and moved to suck his cock back into my mouth, but he pulled it back.

“I think I want to fuck Garrett,” Cullen said, looking up at my husband.

“Fuck, I think I just came,” I moaned. Garrett chuckled and leaned over, kissing Cullen hotly. We moved to the bed, Garrett laying in the middle while Cullen moved between his legs, spreading them open.

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” I asked my husband.

“Not today, no,” he replied as he reached under the bed for the oil Cullen told him about. He went to pass it to Cullen, but I snatched it out of his hand, pulling the cork out.

“Nope, I wanna do it!” I declared, lifting my husband's leg so his entrance was exposed. I slathered my fingers with it, reaching down and carefully circling the puckered flesh.

“When was the last time you did this?” I asked.

“It's been a few years,” Garrett admitted. “I seduced a guard once in Kirkwall. That was probably the last time.” I eased two fingers into him, twisting them a bit before scissoring him open. He moaned softly, bucking back on my fingers when I added a third. I crooked them, searching for that spot that would drive him wild. When he gasped and jerked against my hand, I knew I found it. Cullen leaned over, kissing Garrett as I slipped my pinkie into my husband, wanting to make sure he was fully prepared for the commander's cock. I gripped his shaft with my free hand, stroking it teasingly as I fingered him.

“Okay, enough preparation,” Garrett gasped. “Fuck me, Cullen.” Cullen moved back between his legs, taking the vile I gave him while I wiped my fingers off on my thigh. Cullen carefully coated his cock before pressing the swollen head against the circle of muscles. I leaned over, watching with interest as the muscles gave way and Cullen slid inside my husband with a moan.

“Oh fuck,” Garrett groaned, wincing. I took his cock in my hand, stroking it firmly as it flagged slightly.

“Are you alright?” Cullen asked, pausing.

“It's just been awhile,” Garrett said, sighing. “Keep going.” Cullen pushed forward until his cock was firmly lodged in Garrett, then paused. I bent down, kissing Garrett hotly as I rubbed his cock back to full hardness.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, just gimme a minute,” he panted. “Actually, gimme those tits.”I laughed, but moved up to the head of the bed and leaned over so my breast hung in his face. Garrett wrapped one arm around his ribs as he braced himself with the other and sucked one of my nipples into his mouth. I whimpered as my husband went at my breast like a starving man, his mouth opened wide to take as much skin inside as possible. He made a content sound in the back of his throat as he nursed, tongue flicking out to catch any dribbles of milk that escaped his lips. He nodded to Cullen, his lips never leaving my breast and grunted softly when the Commander pulled his cock out before easing it back in.

“I want your cunny,” Garrett gasped as Cullen began a careful pace. “I wanna lick you while he fucks me. Straddle my face.” I did as he said, carefully putting my knee's on either side of his shoulders making sure I was facing Cullen so I could keep watching them. Garrett grabbed my hips and jerked me down, feasting on my wet pussy while Cullen plowed into him, the Commander's gaze moving from where they were joined to me and back again.

“This is...shit...” Cullen gasped, thrusting harder. Garrett moaned against me, slurping lewdly at my vulva. I bent forward, grabbing Cullen and kissing him passionately. When we parted, Cullen gripped my hair and pushed me toward Garrett's purple weeping cock.

“Suck him,” he said. I did, gripping the base of his cock and sucking as much in my mouth as I could reach. The height difference made it a bit difficult, but Garrett shoved some pillows behind his head so he was sitting up more, thus pushing me closer to his groin. I rolled his sack in my hand, pulling it out of the way so I could watch Cullen's thick cock split him open. It was so hot. I didn't think I would get this turned on watching my husband get fucked, but the sight had me aching. The only thing that would have compared would have been watching Cullen take Garrett's cock.

“I wanna ride you,” I gasped out, tearing my mouth from Garrett's shaft. The men paused, looking at each other with matching grins. I climbed off him when urged, watching as he took one of the pillows behind his head and shoved it under his hips while Cullen tucked his legs beneath Garrett's rump.

“Sit on that cock, baby,” Garrett said. I giggled, straddling my husband's hips, my back to Cullen. I eased down on his shaft, moaning at the feeling of being filled. I began to eagerly bounce in his lap while Cullen resumed his pace. The commander gripped my hair, jerking my head back and devouring my mouth while I impaled myself on my husbands cock again and again. I matched my pace to Cullen's, dropping down on Garrett each time Cullen thrust forward, watching as my husband writhed between us, his head tossed back. 

“Fuck, I'm gonna cum,” Garrett moaned. “Maker this is so hot. Hurt her, Cullen. She loves pain, fucking _hurt_ her.” Cullen growled, tugging my hair painfully as he pulled me to lean back against his body, his hips never faltering in fucking Garrett. He groped my breast, giving them a careful slap that made me gasp. His teeth found my neck as his hand moved down, rubbing at my pussy before delivering a stinging slap. I jerked my hips, desperately fucking Garrett's cock. Cullen slapped my clit again, slamming into Garrett hard. The latter groaned loudly, teeth gritted as he spilled inside me. Cullen moaned, thrusting brutally into Garrett before stilling as he climaxed. I whimpered as my husband's cock slipped free, the only one that hadn't climaxed. The men took a moment to catch their breath while I rubbed my cum soaked slit against Garrett's stomach.

“Oh no, baby,” Garrett said, reaching for me. “I'm sorry. Come here.” I went into his arms, mewling softly as he kissed my forehead, his fingers pushing into me. He began to pump his fingers into me hard, kissing me sweetly.

“My poor baby,” he cooed. “Do you need to cum?” I nodded, sucking and nipping at his neck.

“Rough,” I panted. “Want it rough.”

“Mmm, yes ma'am,” he purred. “Wanna give me a hand, Cull?” Cullen gripped my ass, spreading my cheeks open and pressing his tongue against my hole. I wailed as Garrett brutally finger fucked me while Cullen bit and sucked at my ass. The commander pulled back, spanking my rump firmly so it shook.

“Tell her what a slut she is,” Garrett said with a grin. “She cums so hard.” Cullen paused, looking unsure. Garrett leered and leaned forward, nipping my slack lips.

"Like this," he said, before flicking his tongue inside my open mouth. "My poor baby. You're pussy's all soak with cum but you didn't finish. We'll have to make it up to you when we recover. Should I hold you down while Cullen slams into that sweet little hole? Does my little slut need Daddy to pound her until she squirts? Maybe I'll have Daddy Cullen do it. My little girl could have both cocks inside her. Does that sound good? Do you want both your daddy's to pound your hole?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" I chanted, bucking my hips desperately.

Cullen moved over to my side, grabbing my hair and tilting my head back at an almost painful angle, biting down on my ear.

“When we recover, we're going to fuck you until you pass out,” he growled. “But right now, you're going to cum on those fingers you slut. You love getting plowed by two men, don't you?”

“Yessss,” I hissed, gripped Garrett's shoulders desperately as he began sucking at my breast.

“I can't wait to stick my cock in that cum soaked cunny,” he snarled. “Or maybe I'll fuck your asshole, too. It's so sweet.” 

“She's getting close,” Garrett gasped, slamming his fingers into me. “Fuck, she's gonna squirt.”

“You just can't get enough, can you, you fucking whore,” Cullen sneered in my ear as his fingers circled my asshole. “Do you want my fingers in you, too?”

“Yes!” I sobbed. Cullen viciously speared my back hole with his index and ring fingers, the sudden entry burning slightly in the most delicious way. I screamed as I climaxed, my own juices gushed out onto my husband's messy stomach as the two men pumped their digits into me, milking my orgasm. Cullen pressed tender kisses along my neck as I came down, his hand in my hair changing from vicious pulling to gentle stroking. Garrett rubbed my back with his free hand and he peppered my collarbone with kisses, shifting to lay me on my back between them. The two men eased me out of my euphoria with sweet kisses and caresses, Cullen grabbing a discarded shirt and cleaning us up. I purred as he kissed along my neck while cleaning between my legs before moving to do the same to Garrett. I took the cloth from his hand, folding it to the clean side and skimming my lips over his skin as I returned the favor. When we were mostly clean, we snuggled down into the bed, me in the middle.

“That was so hot,” I moaned. 

“I'm gonna need a bath,” Garrett yawned. “You came in me, Cullen.”

“Sorry,” Cullen said tiredly. “I got caught up in the moment.”

“I think it's hot,” I said with a grin. “Garrett and I get to leak cum.”

“You're so dirty,” Garrett laughed, kissing me. “I love it.” I curled into Garrett's side, pulling Cullen closer to me until he cuddled into my back, his arm around my waist.

“I need a nap,” I sighed. The men grunted in agreement and we all drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I said I wanted to hear from you guys on the AU story and to message me....but there is no PM's in Ao3. T.T  
> So I made a fake story that won't be searched...hopefully. So here's the link, there's nothing there, it's just for you guys to have fun with.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363294
> 
> This is just for you guys to tell me anything you were hoping to see in the AU. Anything you wanted me to address, personal headcannon's about either the Dragon Age Universe as a whole or just Michelle and Madison in general.
> 
> I'll also try to address any questions as best I can! ♥♥♥
> 
> PLEASE include your screen name or some kind of name so I can give credit if I use an idea.


	85. Wet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff and relationship building...then more smut...

I jerked awake as Cullen shifted violently, his arms jerking.

“No,” he gasped in his sleep. “Leave me. _Leave me_!” Garrett looked over at him groggily, casting his gaze around to see if there was an actual threat or if it was just a bad dream. I climbed to the other side of the bed so we surrounded him and took his hands in mine, murmuring soothingly to him.

“There are no demons, sweety,” I cooed. “It's just me and Garrett.”

“It's alright, man,” Garrett soothed, rubbing his stomach. “It's just a dream. It's not real.” Cullen jerked awake, looking around in panic. When his gaze settled on us, he sighed and relaxed back into the bed.

“Bad dreams?” I asked, stroking his cheek.

“They always are,” he said tiredly, turning his head to kiss my wrist. “Without Lyrium, they're worse.”

“No lyrium,” I scolded, making him grin.

“No,” he agreed. 

“I want you to live to a ripe old age,” I said, bending down and kissing him, uncaring of the staleness of our mouths. “If you begin taking it again, you'll die.”

“Yeah, no lyrium,” Garrett agreed, yawning.

“I didn't mean to worry you two,” Cullen said, cupping my cheek.

“Let us worry about you,” Garrett said, rolling over and kissing his neck. I smiled and ran my fingers through his messy bedhead, untangling the golden curls with my fingers. Cullen chuckled, laying back against the pillows.

“All right,” he said. I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to his as I caressed his chest.

“I love you,” I said softly. “Both of you.”

“I love you, too,” Cullen said with a smile.

“Meh, I could take or leave ya,” Garrett said, kissing Cullen's shoulder. I snatched up one of the pillows and bonked my husband on the head with it.

“Stop ruining the moment!” I shouted as he and Cullen laughed.

“A joke!” Garrett cried, holding his arms up to shield himself. “It was a _joke_! Cullen, get her!”

“No way!” Cullen snickered. “ _You_ pissed her off!” Garrett snatched the pillow out of my hand, tossing it across the room and grabbed me, pinning me to the bed and breathing in my face.

“Ugh! Dragon breath!” I complained.

“Oh that's evil,” Cullen said as he reclined against the remaining pillows.

“That's right,” Garrett growled. “I'm an evil dragon and I'm going to get you!” He ducked down, mouthing my neck while making loud slurping sounds, making me shriek with laughter and kick my feet.

“No! _Nooo_! Oh god!” I cried. Cullen laughed, sitting up and taking a pillow, smacking Garrett with it.

“I'll save you fair lady!” he declared while Garrett dramatically fell to the side, letting his tongue loll out as he closed his eyes.

“Blegh, I'm dead,” he said.

“My _hero_!” I simpered, crawling into Cullen's lap and swooning. We dissolved into laughter, draped over each other, sharing kisses and caresses. I stood up with a sigh, stretching until my spine popped.

“I have to go find my kids and see what trouble they've gotten into,” I said, snatching up my under-garments.

“You have a _huge_ hickey on your neck,” Garrett said from the bed. I slapped my hand over my neck and rushed to the mirror Cullen had leaning against the wall. Where my neck and shoulder met, a dark bruise took up almost my entire hand.

“Dammit, Cullen,” I groused. “Fuck, and Garrett! I'm covered in hickeys!” My neck and shoulders were decorated with several smaller bruises as were my breast, stomach and even some parts of my arms and legs. The two men laughed and I pulled on my clothes, glaring at them. I had maybe one tunic with a neck high enough to hide the marks and it was sleeveless. The gown I had been wearing was boat necked and would proudly display ever mark they had left, even some of the ones dotting my breast.

“You two are impossible,” I sighed. “Guess I just have to suck it up.”

“You think you'd be used to it,” Garrett said. “You _always_ have hickeys. I mark you constantly.”

“You do?” I asked, incredulously.

“You never noticed?” Cullen questioned.

“I don't look in the mirror a lot,” I said.

“Seeing her scars and stretchmarks bothers her,” Garrett explained.

“You're beautiful,” Cullen said, getting to his feet and snatching up his smalls. “You shouldn't be afraid to look at yourself.” I shrugged and tilted my head, examining my neck. I saw Cullen walk up behind me, pulling me to stand and wrapping his arms around me. I leaned back against him, resting my hands over his.

“Mmm, I like them,” he hummed with a grin. “They remind me of what we did.”

“I've got cum leaking out of me for that,” I said. He chuckled and kissed me, nuzzling my cheek. I pulled away, slipping into my dress and combing out my hair as best I could with my fingers.

“You look thoroughly fucked,” Garrett said from the bed where he was pulling his pants on.

“So do you,” I pointed out, noting his messy hair and the subtle marks at his throat.

“I was.” He smirked, tugging his shirt over his head. Cullen slipped into his breeches, shaking out his red shirt and pulling it on. He eyed his armor, before turning back to us.

“How late did we sleep?” he asked.

“Looks like a few hours,” Garrett said, glancing out the window.

“Who was watching our baby?” I asked.

“Bull,” Garrett replied.

“Great,” I sighed. “He's covered in warpaint and mud now.” I walked over, giving Cullen a slow, sensual kiss before doing the same to Garrett.

“I'm going to go get him before Bull has him setting things on fire,” I said, sliding down the ladder.

I walked out of Cullen's office and headed for the courtyard, looking around for the massive Qunari. I spied him by the tavern, Malcolm perched on his shoulder. Krem stood near them, glaring at the two and all three were covered in mud.

“How did I end up being the bad guy?” Krem asked as he swiped at his face, just smearing more dirt.

“No idea,” Bull said with a grin. “But it was fun!” Malcolm clapped his hands as he crowed in delight.

“Do I even want to know?” I asked as I walked towards them.

“We won,” Bull said simply. I eyed them, shaking my head.

“I see that,” I said.

“Woah, nice mark,” Bull said, leaning forward and examining my neck. “Who left that one? Garrett or Cullen?”

“How the _hell_ did you-...?” I stammered.

“Ben-Hassarath,” Bull said simply.

“Of course,” I sighed. “Cullen left the big one.”

“Nice,” Bull said with a nod. “Anyway, I was just gonna take the boys for a bath. Wanna come?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Let me grab Malcolm and me some clothes. I may grab Garrett and Cullen, too, we're all sticky.”

“Hot,” Bull replied with a leer. I rolled my eyes, kissing the one spot on my son's face that wasn't covered in mud before heading up to my room. I spied Gethorn and Michel sitting on the steps talking and stopped.

“Hey, sweety,” I called.

“Hey, Mamae- woah! What happened to your neck?” Gethorn looked at the mark with wide eyes. “Did Bae do that? Geeze.” I laughed and shook my head.

“We're going to take a bath,” I told him. “Mal and Bull had a mud fight and I feel sticky. Want to join us?”

“Void yes!” he said, jumping up. “I'll go get clothes.” He dashed off, leaving his lover behind to stare at me perplexed.

“Would you like to join us?” I asked. 

“I suppose,” he said, haltingly.

“You don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable,” I said. “I know we can be a little overbearing.”

“You're not overbearing,” he said. “Your husband just scares me.”

“Well he just got ridden like a Qunari mount, so he won't hurt you,” I said. Michel's face flamed red and his eyes grew wide.

“I...all right,” he stammered, rising and running off. I laughed as I continued on to the bedroom to get clean clothes.

I quickly made my way towards the bathhouse, snagging Cullen and Garrett as I went. The two men made jokes at each other and I couldn't help but smile. I knew my husband had spent the majority of the time I was away with the commander, the two men seeking comfort in each other's presence.

"Oh Kiss my ass, Hawke," Cullen laughed, pushing the other man.

"As they say, been there, done that," Garrett sighed, making Cullen blush.

"You have not! If anything, I kissed yours!" Garrett and I both stopped and turned to face the Commander who turned bright red. We dissolved into laughter and Cullen stumbled over his words, before giving up. He got a devious grin on his scarred lips and I laughed harder when he landed a sound slap on my husband's rump so he jumped and howled in pain.

" _Oi_! I'm still tender!" Garrett complained. I would have been very angry I fell right in the mud if I hadn't been laughing so damn hard.

"You deserved it," Cullen remarked, walking over to help me to my feet.

"I didn't deserve _that_!" Garrett huffed. "A smack on the butt, sure, but _maker_!"

"Oh stop your complaining," Cullen said with a long-suffering sigh. "I'll kiss it for you later."

"Now we're back to your _ass kissing_ ," Garrett snapped and I fell back to the mud, kicking my legs as I gasped for air.

"Stop!" I howled. "Oh, you have to stop!"

"I love doing that to her," Garrett snickered. "Her brother showed me how and it's the fucking best!"

"She's not making normal noises," Cullen remarked.

"Stooooop!" I wailed.

"I'll behave," Garrett promised while Cullen hauled me to my feet. 

"Now I have to go get clean clothes for us all again," I pouted, shooting my husband a glare as I held up the mud covered garments I had in my hand.

"I'll get them, love," Garrett said, taking the dirty ones. "Go on to the bathhouse with Cullen." I nodded and gave him a quick kiss, blushing when he hummed in pleasure and smiled down at me lovingly. Even after being married and having a kid, I still sometimes felt like a giddy school girl who he looked at me so adoringly. He raced off and I turned to Cullen, my heart speeding up. I would have expected to see a twinge of jealousy in his gaze, but he was looking at me adoringly, his lips tugged into a smile that stopped my heart.

"You're so _cute_ covered in mud," he chuckled. I looked down and saw mud smeared all over my body, my entire left side covered in it. He tilted my head back, giving me a sweet kiss.

" _Cullen_ ," I gasped.

"Let's go get a bath," he said, pulling away and walking towards the bathhouse. 

I followed along, lifting my skirt up when it clung to my legs. I quickly shed my clothes at the door to the bathhouse and followed the sound of Bull's laughter. Malcolm was scaling the large man like a mountain, his hair soaped up and made to stick straight up in a mohawk. I laughed at them, setting my stool nearby. Malcolm crowed in delight at the sight of me and jumped at me. It was only my lightning fast reflexes that allowed me to snatch him out of the air.

"Malcolm, I _wish_ you wouldn't do that!" I gasped as Cullen took a seat beside me.

"Mamae always catch me," he said confidently.

"I'm glad you think so, my love," I said. "But if I don't know you're doing it, I may not."

"You're going to get hurt one day, pup," Cullen said. Malcolm looked up at Cullen and scowled, thinking about what he was told.

"Okay," Malcolm said. "I warn first."

"Thank you," I sighed. "Did you tell Bull and Krem thank you for playing with you?" 

"He did," Bull said. "Even gave us kisses."

"You have Bull wrapped around your finger, I swear," I teased.

"He has everyone wrapped around his finger," Krem snorted, washing his breast discreetly. 

"He's a Hawke," came my husband's booming voice. 

"Which will mean he's always in trouble," I said.

"Hey!" Garrett shot me a glare as he took his seat beside Cullen. "Gimme my baby." He snatched Malcolm from my grip and hugged him tightly, rubbing his bearded cheek against our son's soapy head.

"Excuse me?" I snapped. "Who spent hours in labor to bring him into this world?" Garrett smiled and looked over Malcolm's head at me.

"Have I told you lately how amazing you are?" he asked. "I cried like a baby that day."

"So did I," Cullen chuckled. "It's not even my child."

"I passed out, so I missed Cullen crying," I huffed.

"You missed it because you were comforting Garrett," Cullen laughed. "Dorian still teases me."

"I almost had to fight you to get my son back," Garrett grumbled.

"He was so cute," Cullen said with a shrug. "He's still cute. And, Maker, he's the happiest baby I've ever seen!"

"Seriously," Bull said. "I've been around a lot of kids growing up in the Qun and there wasn't a whole lot who were so content like Malcolm."

"Well, he's got an entire community to love him," I said. "His siblings won't get what he had. It's kind of sad."

"Are you pregnant, Mamae?" Gethorn came bounding over to me and slammed into my back, his arms wrapping around my shoulders.

"No, son," I laughed. "Not yet, at least."

"Can we start trying?" Garrett asked eagerly. 

"Not yet," I sighed. "Let Malcolm get a little older!"

"He'll be two in a few months!" Garrett complained. "Gethorn, tell your mother you need more siblings!"

"It's true," Gethorn said, nodding sagely. "I do." Michel snorted behind his hand, looking away from his lover.

"Cullen," I pleaded. Cullen smirked.

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you were when you were pregnant?" he asked.

"Well fuck," I swore.

"Fuck!" Malcolm chirped.

"Don't say that word!" I cried. "Mamae said a bad word, don't repeat it!" Garrett laughed.

"Mamae's got a potty mouth!" he said in a sing-song voice.

"And you have ass breath," I said, causing Cullen to snort and clap his hand over his mouth.

"That's not nice, Mamae!" Malcolm scolded.

"It's just teasing, pup," Cullen chuckled.

"Go beat Mamae up, poppet," Garrett hissed.

"No, beat up Babae," I giggled.

"You two don't confuse him," Cullen said, taking Malcolm from Garrett's grip and filling his bowl before rinsing the soap from the toddler's hair.

"Am I in trouble?" Malcolm asked Cullen.

"Of course not, pup," Cullen soothed.

"So, Michel," Garrett said in a sweet voice.

"Y-Yes," Michel stammered. 

"You know that I'm officially adopting Gethorn, right? He'll be a Hawke. You know what that means?"

"I'm a dead man?"

"Only if you hurt him. They won't ever find your body. Well...not _all_ of it."

" _Babae_!" Gethorn cried, blushing.


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings**  
>  BDSM, spanking, flogging, degradation, toys, restraint, fuck all of it~!
> 
> Also, please see the notes at the bottom for important update information.

I pulled my tunic over my head before starting on my breeches. It was late and Garrett and I were changing for bed. Malcolm had passed out in Gethorn's room playing with his brother and the elf assured us it was fine for him to sleep there, not wanting to disturb his sleep to be moved. The door to our bedroom opened and I looked up to see Cullen strolling in.

“Hey, sweety,” I said. He paused, arching a brow at the endearment before coming over to me and taking me in his arms. He kissed me soundly, his hand twisting in my hair so I surrendered to him, my body going lax.

“Mmm, _hot_ ,” came Garrett's voice. Cullen tugged off my breast band, cupping one of my breasts with his free hand and massaging it.

“I have a request,” he said over my head to Garrett.

“Go on,” Garrett said, intrigued.

“You mentioned that you two engage in...” Cullen paused as he searched for the word.

“Kinky shit,” Garrett offered. “Yes. What about it.”

“I want to watch,” Cullen said.

“Oh?” I could almost hear Garrett's brows shooting towards his hairline as his breath quickened.

“I want to see you drive her wild,” Cullen went on. “I want to know what gets her...”

“Screaming like a phoenix?” Garrett asked. Cullen nodded and I moaned softly, growing wet with anticipation.

“What do you say, love? Want to do a scene?”

“Fuck _yes_ ,” I moaned, my knee's shaking.

“Mmm, that hit every button,” Garrett purred. “Strip her while I get the stuff. And get naked yourself. Baby, can you help him?”

“Oh yes,” I hummed, reaching for the buckles on Cullen's armor as he pulled my smalls off. Two fingers eased inside me while a hot mouth encircled my nipple, making it very difficult to concentrate on the buckles.

“She's soaked,” Cullen said.

“ _Slut_ ,” Garrett remarked as he dug through our 'adult' chest, pulling out a blindfold, silk ties, clamps, anal beads and various other toys we had procured. I gripped Cullen's shoulders, bucking my hips and clawing at him.

“Get her on the bed,” Garrett called out and I cried out at the loss of Cullen's fingers. The commander leaned down, giving me a slow kiss that did nothing to quell the fire in my belly.

“I've been _dying_ to do this,” he murmured against my lips before dropping down and flinging me over his shoulder. I shrieked in surprise, gripping the shirt I had yet to remove from him. Garrett laughed, watching as Cullen took several large steps towards the bed before throwing me onto it and pinning me to the mattress. Honey colored eyes looked down at me, sparkling with mischief.

“Are you going to fuck me now, commander?” I cooed. “Should we play runaway mage and naughty Templar.”

“Hey, that's a good idea!” Garrett said. “We should play that.”

“Another time,” Cullen promised. “I want to watch you get played with.”

“You'll join in at some point, won't you?” I looked at Cullen with puppy eyes, my lower lip sticking out. He chuckled, bending down and trailing his tongue along my bottom lip before slipping it inside my mouth.

“Yes,” he said. “Don't worry. I'll be inside you at some point tonight.” We kissed again, caressing each other lovingly before Cullen pulled away. He retrieved the chair from the desk in our room, moving it closer to the bed and sat down. Garrett took his place, kissing me sweetly as he petted me. I mewled, running my fingers through his hair.

“What's your safeword?” I flicked my tongue against my husband's lips, reaching for him but he pulled back and repeated the question.

“Elfroot,” I answered. He kissed me again, holding me to his chest.

“I love you,” he breathed out. “I'm going to be rough on you. We're going to push your limit's, okay?”

“Yes,” I said. “It's okay.” Garrett had me recite my rules, his fingers skimming lightly along my skin as I said the words I knew by heart. When I was done, he nodded and stepped away from me.

“Kneel and face the headboard, grip the edge,” he ordered. I did as he said, moving the pillows to the floor. My wrists were bound and the blindfold was secured, a hand smoothed down my back before gripping my hips and urging me back. Garrett positioned me on my knee's with my bottom in the air, my hands still clutching the headboard.

I felt Garrett move off the bed and waited. I heard a loud crack and felt the sting of a short whip on my skin, tossing my head back and crying out. Two more cracks slashed across my back and I wailed, tilting my hips. Suddenly fingers were pushing into me, rough and demanding. I trembled, spreading my legs wide. The fingers were removed and something cold touched my dripping lips. I instantly realized it was one of the metal balls we had, followed by another and another. Fingers wove into my hair, jerking my head back as Garrett growled in my ear.

“Don't lose a single ball.”

“Yes, Messere,” I gasped. Again the whip stung my skin and I arched into each blow, the balls rubbing at my insides until I was so on edge I couldn't think. Hands gripped my hips and urged me to spread my legs, I did, gasping as I felt the tip of my husband's penis at my entrance. He slowly pushed in, forcing the balls deeper and stopped, just the head inside me.

“Mmm, I can feel them moving around,” he moaned, pulling out. One of my hands was untied and I was turned so I was facing forward. My wrist was retied and Garrett's hand's smoothed over my sides.

“Ready?” he asked. I nodded, wincing when the first clamp was attached to my nipple. The next was placed on my other nipple before one was placed on each of my vulva lips. Garrett caressed my pearl as he kissed me, my hips bucking before the last clamp was eased onto my clit with the gentle order; “Cum”. I climaxed, letting out a long groan as my hips bucked, my channel clasping at the balls. One climaxed rolled into the next as each orgasm stimulated the next one. I slumped forward, hanging by my wrists, unable to hold myself up as tears wet the blindfold. The clamp was removed, Garrett catching me in his arms. I wept against his chest as he murmured sweetly to me, bringing me down.

“Shh, you did great, baby. So good. Shhh, it's all right.” I caught my breath and quieted.

“What does my good girl want?” he asked, stroking my hair.

“Your cock,” I panted.

“Do you want the clamps to stay on?” His hand hovered over my vulva, waiting.

“The ones on my nipples, yes,” I said.

“Okay, baby.” The lower clamps were removed and my hands were untied. I rubbed my wrists, letting myself be urged to the edge of the bed where I was positioned so I was straddling Garrett's lap. I felt a hand cup my sex, massaging it tenderly.

“Push the balls out,” Garrett said. I did as he said, baring down until all three balls were free. I heard a wet, sucking sound and smirked.

“Mmm, so sweet,” Garrett purred. “Want one Cullen?”

“Please,” came Cullen's suddenly hoarse voice. Garrett shifted as he handed one of the balls to the commander before returning his attention to me.  
“Impale yourself.”

I moaned, lowering my hips slowly until I felt Garrett gently guiding the tip of his cock into me. I let my weight drop, Garrett's shaft pushing into me, making him moan.

“Fucking slut,” he hissed, gripping my knee's and pulling so my legs were stretched out behind him. He tilted his hips, shoving me up, the angle making it so I couldn't move and had no choice in being fully impaled on his cock. It was one of his favorite positions when we were being rough.

“So, I got a lovely little gift from that friend of mine, Zevran,” Garrett began as he lifted me up and slammed me back down, setting a hard pace that I had no choice in.

“Wh-what?”

A chuckle.

“Those roots I told you about.”

I moaned. The roots were something like medieval Viagra and my husband had gotten a hold of them. 

“Guess who's getting fucked like the slut she is?” he said between his clenched teeth, gripping my hair and jerking my head back as he slammed me down on his cock. I kicked my legs, clawing at his arms as he impaled me, each thrust pushing me closer to the edge.

“G-Garrett,” I whined. The hand on my hip pulled away to deliver a punishing slap to my rump that had me crying out.

“ _What_ did you call me?”

“M-Messere!” I cried. “I'm gonna cum!”

“Do it, slut. Cum on that fucking cock,” Garrett sunk his teeth into my neck, holding my hips up enough to jerk up into me until I cried out my climax, collapsing against him. He held my hips, rocking them to milk my orgasm.

“Mmm, that was beautiful, baby,” he purred, reaching up and taking the clamps off my breast. I whimpered and struggled against him, though my position didn't allow me much room to do so.

“No,” I complained.

“Yes, baby,” he said. “They need to come off.” I was turned and laid out on the bed, my wrist stretched and secured to the buckles at the sides of the bed. Garrett moved back between my legs, shoving his cock into me.

“Time for me to fill you,” he growled, leaning down and bracing his elbows on either side of my head. I mewled, tugging on the cuffs. His hand slid under me and I felt one of the plugs against my puckered hole. I gasped as the oiled metal forced the ring open, the unexpected stretch burning slightly.

“You like when I put something in your ass?” Garrett asked, mouthing my neck.

“Y-Yes, Messere,” I stammered.

“Did you like Cullen's cock up your ass?” he snarled, referencing the other night when I had had one cock in each hole as the two men fucked me until I screamed. I smirked, unable to filter the next words that came out of my mouth.

“Did you?” There was a long pause, then both men started laughing.

“Fucking bitch,” my husband chuckled, kissing me. “Did you?”

“Yes,” I said, licking my lips. “Both of you in me felt _so_ good.”

“His cock does feel good,” Garrett agreed. “But...you've distracted me.” That hand was in my hair again, jerking my head back as my husband set a punishing pace. My breasts were slapped so they shook on my chest, the sting making me tighten around my husband's cock.

“That's a good girl,” Garrett hissed. “Take that cock like the little slut you are. Who do you belong to?”

“Y-You!” I gasped.

“Who else?” 

“Cul-len!” I cried out.

“So when we tell you that's you're a fucking whore and to spread your legs, what do you say?” Garrett growled in my ear, spanking my cunny.

“Yes, Messere!”

“And when we tell you to open your mouth and suck a cock, what do you do?” Another smack to my pussy that had my hips jerking.

“I suck it!” A hand pulled my head back as teeth punished the skin of my neck, nails digging into my hips.

“And when we tell you to fucking cum on a cock like the worthless fuck toy you are...”

“I cum,” I sobbed, my feet sliding along the bed as I tried to find purchase, twisting my hands around the chains attaching the cuffs to the bed. Every touch of his was amplified, from the smallest brush of his skin to the hardest slap of his palm all sending ripples of pleasure through me. The hand in my hair moved to my throat, gentle pressure applied, slowly limiting my air supply before cutting it off completely. Fear spiked in my heart and I recalled when I died, how it felt to desperately fight to breathe and get no air. The hand released and I gasped, fighting against my husband as he kept me pinned to the bed. Another slap to my pussy had me back against the edge, my climax so close in the wake of my lover's brutal thrusts. That hand rested on my throat again, not putting any pressure, just reminding me.

“Cum,” Garrett ordered. “Cum on my cock right now you fucking whore.” My body seized up at the order, having been waiting for it and just as I crested my orgasm, that hand tightened, cutting off my air. My vision went white as I climaxed, the feeling so intense I wouldn't have been able to breathe even without Garrett choking me. Garrett let out a guttural growl, spilling into me with several violent thrusts before stilling and releasing my throat. I panted, trying to catch my breath.   
Ever so gently my wrists were uncuffed, bearded lips brushing kisses over them. The blindfold was loosened and pulled away, Garrett's hand rising to shield my eyes until they adjusted. The plug was carefully removed as Garrett softened and slipped free from me. I looked up at him as he leaned over me, kissing me sweetly.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“No you're not,” he said, sitting up and pulling me into his lap. Without meaning to or even thinking about it, I burst into tears, clinging to my husband.

“I know, baby,” he cooed, pressing kisses to my temple as he tenderly caressed me. “You did _so_ well, though. I'm proud of you. It's all right, just let it out.”

“Is she okay?” Cullen asked, coming to kneel by us, his hands smoothing over my skin.

“She's fine,” Garrett said. “Just got intense. We're just clearing out some feelings, right my darling?” I nodded, smiling weakly at Cullen.

“I'm fine,” I assured, “Just need a moment.”

“This is the part where we just love her,” Garrett said. “That was intense so we're just going to kiss and cuddle her.” Cullen moved closer so I was sandwiched between them. I turned to him, pulling him in for a slow kiss, mewling when he ran his fingers through my hair.

“Why did you do that if it made her cry?” Cullen questioned.

“Not all tears mean something is wrong,” Garrett said, cleaning my face with the edge of the sheet. “Sometimes it's just to cleanse the soul.” My tears slowed and eventually stopped and I curled in between them, enjoying the attention.

“Now,” Garrett said. “Cullen is going to make you cum again but he's going to go slow and be sweet.” Cullen nodded and took me from Garrett, gently laying me back on the bed. I watched as he moved between my legs, kissing along my inner thighs until he got to my cum soaked cunny. He parted the swollen lips with his fingers before lapping at my hole, sucking the spilled fluids out.

“Oh, that's hot,” came Garrett's breathless voice. I squirmed as Cullen's tongue pushed inside me, seeking out every drop of cum my husband had left. When he deemed me clean, he eased himself inside of me, carefully moving so I adjusted to him with ease. He began thrusting his hips carefully, each drag of his cock slow and deliberate. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down and he braced himself on his elbows, forearms wrapping under me.

“So beautiful,” he said, staring down at me. I skimmed my hands up his back, clutching at his shoulder blades.

“I love you,” I sighed. He picked up the pace slightly, one hand reaching down between us, his fingers rubbing my clit furiously. We were both too on edge for it to last and my final climax of the night rolled through me gently, making me moan loudly. Cullen grunted, swearing colorfully as he spilled into me. My face and neck were peppered with kisses as I drifted off, completely exhausted by the night's activities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story will be on a temporary hiatus. My grandmother has gone into hospice and I have to fly across the country to be with her. I'm not sure when I'll be able to resume as I'm not even sure I'll have wi-fi where I'm going and when I get back, I'll be dealing with, not only my own mourning process, but all the things that accompany the death of a loved one, like where her stuff is going and all that. I won't be in any kind of mindset to properly edit or tweak this story. I apologize to you guys for this, but I'm afraid it's just one of those things. Once I'm back on my feet (so to speak) I'll try and make up for my absence, but until then, you'll just have to be patient with me. ♥♥♥
> 
> In the Meantime, you're more than welcome to post any ideas you have for the Kirkwall AU here ->https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363294


	87. Tell Me No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning**  
>  Rape play, dubcon, talk of past rape play. They're playing rape, mmmkay?
> 
> If you can't stomach this, which I totally get, you can skip ahead. I try to keep scenes such as these as stand alones so they can be easily skipped.

I curled up on my side in Cullen's bed, my back to the ladder. Garrett had told Cullen about our game of 'Evil Champion and Preyed upon Seer' and he had asked if I wanted him to do that to me. I had drooled at the prospect, a moan falling from my lips and the two men had smiled at each other. I was dressed in my short nightgown, Garrett tucked away in the corner of the room to watch. Malcolm was spending the night with Josephine and Madison, so we were free to do whatever we wanted.  
I lay on the side of the bed I had declared to be mine when I occupied the room, curled under the blankets, pretending to be asleep. I heard Cullen climbing the ladder, letting out a heavy sigh. I listened to the sounds of him removing his armor and clothes, changing into his sleep pants and getting ready for bed. I mewled, shifting on the bed and he paused, chuckling. The bed dipped and he pressed a kiss to my temple, causing me to turn and smile at him.

"You're coming to bed late," I said.

"I had a lot of work," he said, rubbing my shoulder.

"Work-a-holic," I teased. He smiled and lifted the covers, pausing when his eyes fell to my naked rump, my nightgown having been pushed up to my waist as I shifted. His breath caught and he licked his lips, his eyes wide. I glanced down and giggled, pulling the gown back into place.

"Sorry," I said.

"Y-You're...you're not wearing smalls," he breathed, shakily.

"They're all dirty," I said. "I guess I should have worn a longer gown, but I was hot. I can change if you want."

"N-No," he stammered. He sighed my name and I shifted, looking up at him.

"Commander? Are you okay?"

"Yes," he said too quickly and I arched a brow. He climbed into the bed beside me, leaving the blanket folded down at my thighs.

"Are you hot, too?" I asked.

"Very," he groaned and I smiled.

"I'll try not to cuddle with you, then," I taunted, rolling back over and closing my eyes. We lay in the bed for a moment before I felt his hand rest gingerly on my exposed thigh. I shifted, whimpering.

"Commander?" I asked.

"Shhh, just go back to sleep," he said. His fingers teased along my skin, touching the hem of my gown and stopping.

"C-Commander?"

"You're so beautiful," he moaned, moving closer to me, his lips pressing to my shoulder. I stiffened and looked at him.

"Com-Commander? What..."

"Shhh. It's all right," he purred, moving his body closer to mine. His hand pushed the skirt of my gown to my waist, rubbing my hip gently. He palmed my rump, massaging the fleshy mass as his fingers moved to the very back of my slit, teasing it.

"Commander," I gasped. "Stop." I shifted away from him, trying to tug my gown back down, but he pulled me back.

"No, let me," he said. "I just want to touch you." Fingers pushed inside my damp hole, teasing me slowly as I whimpered. I squeezed my thighs together and Cullen paused. I felt his other hand move over my side, cupping my breast through my gown, his fingers slowly circling my nipple.

"Commander...don't you love me?" I asked in a small voice. "Please...stop."

"I do," he moaned and he was suddenly on me, rolling me to my back and pinning me to the bed with his body. His arms wedged beneath my shoulders, hugging me tightly to his chest. My legs had fallen open and he crouched between them, his face in my neck.

"I love you so much," he gasped. "It's why I have to do this. I need you. I can't hold back anymore."

"Not again," I sobbed, pushing at his chest.

"Again?" he asked, pulling back.

"Th-The Champion...he..." I stopped, pretending to sob. "He forced himself on me." Cullen paused for a moment before his lips crashed into mine in a desperate kiss.

"That Champion's had you?" he asked against my mouth. "No, no. You're mine!" I cried out as my gown was jerked over my head and Cullen descended on me like a madman, lips at my breast while he frantically rubbed my clit, moaning against my skin.

"I'll cleanse you," he gasped. "You'll be mine. Always mine."

"No, please!" I begged, my body arching. "You're going to make me...nnnn!"

"Yes," he panted. "Cum for me. I want to see what you look like." I climaxed, my back arching as my hips bucked wildly and Cullen stared at my face, lips parted and eyes dilated. I came down, collapsing back into the pillows.

"That was...glorious," Cullen breathed, moving up and kissing me again. "I'll be gentle, my love. I promise."

"No, Commander, stop!" I cried, trying to struggle but my limbs felt like lead. "Please. You're my friend. I thought you loved me."

"I do love you," he insisted, pushing my hair back from my face clumsily, his touch a little too rough. "I love you so much. And I need you, Seer. Please. I...why can the Champion have you but I can't?"

"I didn't want him to have me!" I sobbed.

"Then let me fix it," he begged. "I'll make you feel good, I promise, my love." He pushed his cock inside me and I moaned, gripping his shoulders. His mouth hung open and he panted, eyes clenched in concentration.

"Oh Maker, you feel good," he groaned. "You feel so good." He began to thrust slowly, his hands petting me roughly as he peppered kisses again my neck and chest. "It's so perfect. I knew you would feel good, but this...Maker." I let out sharp cries when he thrust forward, the slow pace not stopping him from thrusting jarringly into me. I tried to push at his chest, but he seized both my slender wrists in one hand, pinning them over my head.

"I love you, Seer," he gasped. "Just let me. Let me show you I love you. I'll make you feel so good." He moved to kiss me but I turned my head, struggling in his grip. He growled and grabbed my chin with his free hand, forcing me to accept his kiss. He sped up his thrusts, pushing his tongue into my mouth and moaning. It felt too good for me to even think about fighting, so I lay there, whimpering around his tongue as my hips bucked. His hand dropped from my chin to my pelvis where his thumb found my clit.

"So beautiful," he murmured against my mouth. "I'll keep you safe, Seer. I promise. My beautiful Seer." He released my wrists and tangled his fingers in my hair, tilting my head back to devour my mouth. My cries grew in pitch as I got closer to the edge, my hands flitting to his shoulders.

"C-Commander..." I gasped, barely remembering to call him by his title as the feeling of his cock pushing my inner walls apart fogged my mind.

"Finish for me, Seer," he panted. "Finish while I'm inside you. I want to feel it." I orgasmed, wailing loudly as my legs locked around his waist, bucking into him. He rubbed my bud furiously, sucking at my neck. I trembled against him as he gave one hard thrust before letting out a guttural growl and bathing my inside with his seed. We lay there for a moment, panting. Cullen's arms shook with the effort to keep himself from crushing me under his weight. I tugged at his shoulders, guiding him to lay on me, his head on my chest. He moaned softly as he nuzzled my breast, pressing a kiss to one.

"That was hot," Garrett groaned and I looked over to see him cleaning himself with a rag. "I am such a voyeur." Cullen and I chuckled, watching him get to his feet and stumble to the bed. He flopped down beside us, giving each of us a slow kiss and curling against us. He nuzzled my cheek as his fingers carded through Cullen's hair.

"How was it?" Garrett asked, his gold eyes locked on Cullen.

"Amazing," Cullen moaned. "I wanted to take her so many times when we shared a room."

"Little did you know, she would have liked it," Garrett teased, nipping at my neck. Cullen rose up, giving me a mind-numbing kiss before dropping to the bed beside me.

"Have I told you how amazing you are?" he asked. I laughed and curled up between the two men.

"I could stand to hear it again," I teased.

"Incredible, beautiful, wonderful," Cullen listed off.

"Amazing, stupendous," Garrett added and I rolled my eyes.

"How did you like being the secret voyeur, love?" I asked my husband.

"I think I found a new kink," he sighed happily. "Can I record you two with your phone? I want to watch it over and over again."

"Great, now we're making porn," I snorted.

"What is 'porn'?" both men asked at the same time, looking at me puzzled. I laughed and shook my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! In a manner of speaking. I got sick and got to be on bed rest when I got back into town. So, that was fun. Better than being stuck in close quarters with my mother for any longer than I had to, though.   
> Anyway, I spent all day drawing you guys pictures.   
> .....*reads what she just wrote* The fuck, that makes me sound like I'm five. Oh well, some of these definitely don't need to be on the fridge.


	88. Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been drinking and listening to music while it pours outside my bedroom window. Yaaaaay!
> 
> Also...I imagine Cullen has a severe habit of putting his foot firmly in his mouth when he's panicked. He would say something completely heartless because he wasn't thinking.

I sifted through the reports on Cullen's desk, sorting them into the necessary piles to go to Leliana, Josephine or remain with the commander. I sighed softly when Cullen began staring at me for the tenth time in the past hour and dropped the report I was holding into Leliana's pile.

“What's wrong?” I asked.

“N-nothing,” Cullen stammered, surprised.

“Something is on your mind,” I said, standing from my chair and plopping my bottom on the desk right in front of him. He scowled, honey-colored eyes meeting mine.

“You're going to have ink on your butt,” he said.

“That was _wet_?” I cried, jumping to my feet and prying the now ruined paper off my breeches. “Well fuck. At least they're black.” I handed him the document he set aside, quickly capping his inkwell. I sat back on his desk, putting my feet on the seat of his chair on either side of his thighs and stared at him.

“What?” he asked.

“You _will_ tell me what is wrong,” I said in a mystical voice, waving my hand in front of his face.

“Is that supposed to compel me?” he questioned with one gold brow arched.

“No,” I said, lifting my shirt and breast band to flash my naked breast at him. “ _This_ is, though.” He laughed and leaned forward, kissing my sternum so his stubble tickled my skin.

“I was just thinking,” he said finally as he tugged my clothes back into place, his glance at the door letting me know he didn't want a scout to walk in on us. 

“About?” I prodded.

“How we're going to keep this going when you two leave soon,” he said.

“We're coming back,” I said.

“I thought...”

“Change of plans!” I chirped. “You didn't think we'd let you go _that_ easily, did you? No, my dear. We're going to _visit_ Kirkwall, let everyone see the baby and take care of some things, then it's _back_ to Skyhold. Also, the land you get, it's like an hours horse ride outside of Kirkwall, I picked it out myself. Er...is that...okay?” Cullen reclined back in his chair, laughing and shaking his head. He rubbed one of my calves, looking up at me with an affectionate smile.

“Yes, I think that's _fine_ ,” he said.

“Good, now give me a kiss and stop giving me puppy eyes.” Cullen jerked me down into his lap, flipping my legs over the arm of his chair as his lips sealed over mine. I wove my fingers in his hair, tilting his head to press my tongue between his lips. We parted and I stroked my fingers along his jaw smiling.

“We're not going to get any work done if we keep stopping to snog,” he said. 

“How do we _still_ have work when Corypheus is dead?” I sighed, pressing my face in the crook of Cullen's neck. He hummed and picked up a report, his eyes scanning it as his free hand twirled my hair. I reached over,  picking up a paper from the desk and looking it over. Cullen and I worked like that for a time, snuggled in his chair, the sound of the torches merrily crackling a white noise. Every now and again Cullen would cough or clear his throat while I sighed heavily, disgusted at some of these requests. I mean really, how would Gethorn fucking your wife cure her of being barren? 

I showed that one to Cullen who promptly burst into peels of laughter.

“Should we show it to him?” Cullen asked.

“Fuck no,” I scoffed. “His head would _explode_. I have the perfect place for this.” Honey colored eyes watched as I slowly eased it into Josie's pile, knowing she would choke on her tea the moment she read it.

“Oh she's going to kill you,” he chuckled.

“I could take her.”

“Who are you taking?” We both looked over to see Garrett strolling into the room, two steaming bowls of stew in his hands with fluffy bits of bread in them.

“Josephine,” I said.

“Physically, yes,” he said. “But she wouldn't fight you like that, my darling. She'd ruin your reputation amongst the nobles.”

“I'll go live on the farm with Cullen,” I said. Garrett just rolled his eyes, setting the bowls on the desk.

“You two missed dinner, what are you doing up here?” Garrett eyed the mountain of paperwork on the desk, wincing. I stood, snatching up one of the bowls and digging in. I took one bite before clamping my hand over my mouth. I set the bowl on the desk and raced to the window, vomiting over the sill. Hands pulled my hair back from my face as I gagged and coughed, my stomach violently protesting what I had put in it. When my stomach was empty, I spit over the sill and looked back at the two men. Cullen was sniffing my bowl, tasting the stew on the tip of his finger.

“It's just stew,” he said, looking at me worriedly. I looked up at Garrett guiltily, chewing my lower lip and he sighed, pressing a kiss to my brow.

“I already guessed,” he said.

“Guessed _what_?” Cullen asked, his gaze dropping to me where my hand cradled my stomach. Amber eyes grew wide as he realized what my husband was talking about.

“I thought you were taking the witherstalk!” he cried angrily.

“I _forgot_ , okay!” I shouted, hugging myself. “I forgot _one_ night. I was tired and I just fell into bed. I tried to double up on it but...”

“But you haven't gotten your cycle,” Garrett finished. “There's _no_ reason to panic.”

“She's _pregnant_ and we have _no_ idea whose kid it is!” Cullen yelled.

“ _So_?” Garrett said. “We can deal with it.”

“I'm not getting rid of it,” I said, my hands moving to my stomach once more.

“I wasn't going to ask you to,” Garrett soothed. “We just need to all _calm down_ and talk about this.”

“I knew this was a mistake,” Cullen groaned. My heart clenched and I reeled back, causing Garrett to spin and glare at the commander whose face dropped.

“I didn't...oh _maker_ ,” he swore. I ducked around him, heading for the door, tears gathering on my lower lids.

“Why the _fuck_ did you say that to her?!” Garrett gestured furiously as I jerked the door open, dashing out into the cool night air.  I couldn't stand the thought of being a mistake. I had been a mistake my whole life and I certainly didn't want to hear the words from Cullen's mouth. I ran, tears blurring my vision as I stumbled to the farthest most unused tower in the battlements, sobs spilling from my lips the moment the door closed behind me. I leaned against the heavy wood, sliding to the floor, my arms cradling my stomach. I sobbed into my knee's, hearing my name called but not bothering to respond. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to cry out my pain in private, away from anyone else. Several minutes passed before the door behind me shifted and a hand slammed into it angrily.

“Open the door.” It was Cullen.

“Go _away_ ,” I sniffled.

“I didn't _mean_ it!” he tried and I could feel him putting his weight on the door, causing me to dig my feet into the stone to keep it closed.

“You _said_ it!” I accused, slamming my back against the wood so it shut in his face. He swore and I heard him grip the handle, his voice low and commanding.

“ _Michelle_ , you can either open the door or I can break it down, but I'm coming in.”

“Fuck off,” I spat.

“Your choice,” he sighed. I grunted as he rammed it, the wood giving way and pushing me along the floor. My feet sought purchase on the stone but found none as he slammed into it again, pushing it open enough to duck inside. Before I could scramble to my feet he was grabbing my arms and hauling me up, amber eyes raking over me worriedly.

“Are you all right?”

“Fuck off,” I hissed. He scowled, leaning over me.

“ _Stop_ ,” he ordered. “I didn't mean it!”

“Then why did you say it!” I yelled, trying to tear from his grip but his hands tightened, his superior strength not allowing me to break his hold. 

“Because I was _scared_!” he shouted, giving me a little shake to get me to stop struggling. “I love you more than _anything_ and I don't want to give you a dead child.” I stared up at him, shocked. He released his grip on me, leaning against the opposite wall, running his fingers through his hair.

“Templar's...it's not wise for us to have children,” he said. “They can be born addicted to lyrium. The chance of that goes up when...when one of the parents is a mage.”

“Malcolm wasn't,” I pointed out.

“Because you're a mage,” he said. “You and Garrett aren't  affected by lyrium like templars are.”

“But Templar's have children,” I said. “They get married.”

“As long as it's not to a mage or another Templar,” Cullen said. “Ingesting lyrium makes it worse. It feeds the addiction and mages use it to stabilize their magic when they're pregnant.”

“So I just won't,” I said. "I didn't need to when I was pregnant with Malcolm. I just used my magic regularly." Cullen looked at me, amber eyes swimming with tears.

“And if you're wrong?” he asked. “If it's mine and...”

“Then we mourn together,” I said gently. “You're not a Templar anymore, Cullen.”

“The potions Solas makes for me are laced with lyrium,” he said. I fell silent, my hands falling to my stomach as the gravity of the situation hit me. Tears fell anew down my cheeks and I collapsed against the door.

“I'm sorry,” he said. I shook my head, swallowing thickly.

“No,” I said. “It _wasn't_ a mistake. _You_ weren't a mistake. I'll be careful and it'll be okay.”

“You can't know that,” he sighed, walking towards me.

“I thought you were the religious one,” I teased. “Where's your faith?” He gave me a crooked grin, touching my cheek. Honeyed eyes searched my face before he pulled me into a tight hug.

“You are _never_ a mistake,” he said. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I love you.”

“I love you,” I returned. “Just...my whole life I've been a mistake. I was born a mistake, I was thrust on people who didn't love me and...”

“You weren't a mistake,” he interrupted. “You were a _blessing_. You were born because you make everyone's lives better. You were born to save the world.” I let out a watery laugh and nuzzled into his neck.

“Good, you two have kissed and made up,” Came Garrett's breathless voice. “ _Thanks_ for telling me you found her.” He shot an angry glare at Cullen who smiled apologetically.

“I had to beat open the door.” Garrett gripped his side and winced, shifting.

“Don't run like that again,” he said. “You scared me.”

“I'm sorry,” I said, pulling away from Cullen and moving to my husband who pressed a worried kiss to my lips.

“So, did we decide what we're going to do about the baby?” Garrett asked, rubbing my shoulder.

“I'm keeping it,” I said.

“Well, yeah.” Garrett rolled his eyes as if it was obvious and looked to Cullen.

“She won't take lyrium while pregnant,” Cullen added.

“Is the kid living with us or you?” Garrett asked.

“You,” Cullen said. “Regardless of whose it is, it's best to pass it off as yours.”

“Wait, wait,” I said, holding up my hands. “That's not right.”

“When it's old enough, we can tell it the truth,” Cullen said.

“Her,” I said without thinking. Cullen and Garrett both looked down at me, brows at their hairlines. “What?”

“Her?” Cullen questioned.

“Yes, _her_ ,” I repeated.

“All right, _her_ ,” Garrett said, looking back at Cullen. “But I agree. That seems unfair to you and the child.”

“And what would we tell everyone?” Cullen asked.

“Who says we tell anyone a _damn_ thing?” I asked. “How is it _anyone's_ business what her last name is? If they ask, we tell them you're her father and what we do behind closed doors is none of their sodding business.”  
Cullen laughed, dropping back against the wall and shaking his head.

“You're _infuriating_ ,” he sighed.

“What?” I asked. “It's not like I'm going to go around calling her by her last name. She can call both you and Garrett 'dad', if you wish. I don't care. But I don't believe in lying to children about those kinds of things.”

“I'm with her,” Garrett said. “It seems wrong.”

“This may not even _be_ my child,” Cullen pointed out.

“Then it won't be an issue,” I said. “We'll find out when she's born.”

“Come on,” Garrett said. “There's no point arguing about it tonight. Let's get you some warm broth and bread to eat and go join the fire circle.” Cullen strolled over, picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder. I grunted and gripped his shirt tightly.

“What the fuck?” I asked.

“Come on, princess,” he chuckled. “You're coming with me.”

“I am not a princess,” I hissed. “ _Why_ am I being carried?”

“So you don't have to walk,” Cullen said. “You're pregnant.”

“Shouldn't I be carried in your arms then?” I asked. “I mean thi- _AHH_!” Cullen bounced me off his shoulder and caught me in his arms, holding me to his chest. I glared while Garrett snickered.  
“Revenge for making us worry,” my husband explained. I huffed and crossed my arms, not saying another word as I was carried to the fire pit. I was glad the rest of the night was uneventful, though Cullen did pull me into his lap and keep me there. I watched as some of the group gave us surprised looks, wondering if they should be suspicious or just chalk our actions up to my overly affectionate nature. Bull winked at me while Madison and Gethorn acted completely unphased, along with Solas who took a seat beside Garrett and began talking about magical techniques. Cullen pulled me close, dipping his head down and taking my lips in a sweet kiss. Anyone looking on could easily dismiss it was Cullen whispering to me, but I wondered how many did. 


	89. I Get Off

“Why do you like that?” Cullen asked. I jerked my head up, giving him a questioning look.

“What, the pen?” I asked, motioning to the particular pen he had that I always seemed to snatch up to do paper work.

“No, the things Garrett and I do to you,” he said. “Or the other night when he tied you up and choked you. Why did you cry?” I set the pen in the inkwell and folded my hands before me, looking up at the commander.

“I'm a masochist,” I said. “I like pain. I like pain and pleasure and riding that knives edge. I'm addicted to the feeling of being at the height of pleasure, lost and unable to think only for that sweet edge of pain to ground me.” Cullen cleared his throat as his pupil's dilated.

“But why?” he asked in a rough voice. 

“Many reasons,” I said. “If you're specifically talking about when Garrett choked me, it would be because remembering how I died was a terrifying experience. I suffocated. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't move. Garrett replicated that for me so I could explore those feelings again in a place I was loved and in no danger, a place where pain means pleasure and where I control the situation. A place where, if it got to be too much, I had only to say the word and it would end.”

“And that helped?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “It's not for everyone. But for the few of us, it's healing. Why do you ask? I thought you liked hurting me?”

“I do,” he said, licking his lips. “I like watching you writhe as you ride that edge and knowing the more I hurt you, the more it excites you.” I moaned softly, my vulva throbbing as his almost growled words.

“But I wander...” he paused, blushing slightly.

“Cullen, what is it?” I asked, suddenly concerned by how torn he looked.

“I don't want you to think less of me,” he said softly and I suddenly understood what he wanted.

“Your nightmares are pretty bad, aren't they?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“If you want to...explore that, we can,” I offered. “In any way you choose. You can be the submissive and I can dominate you or I can take your place and be a proxy. Garrett can dominate you and I could just watch or even leave if you're not comfortable with me being there.”

“You don't think less of me?” he asked.

“Of course not!” I laughed, slipping around his desk and pulling his head to my chest in a hug. “Never. Garrett and I sometimes switch places, not often because we prefer our roles as they are, but sometimes it's nice to trade. Just let us know what you want and we can arrange it.”

“I'd like you to do it,” Cullen said. “Garrett can join in, but I want you to be the main one.”

“What would you like to happen?” I carded my fingers through Cullen's hair, keeping my touches gentle and loving to let him know he still had my affection.

“I want...I don't really know,” he admitted. 

“Cullen,” I said softly. He looked up at me and I bent down, giving him a slow, deliberate kiss until he moaned. When he did, I pulled him towards his bedroom, urging him up the ladder. His armor came off quickly until he was just in his breeches and tunic and I pushed him down on the bed, climbing up and reclining on the pillows. I opened my arms to him and he came into them easily, his lips seeking mine. I gave him a tender kiss, urging him to lay down, his head cradled on my breast as I caressed his hair and back, lighting dragging my nails over his skin in a way that had his eyelids drooping. I watched him, waiting until he was relaxed and soothed, almost sleepy.

“What happened at the tower, Cullen?” I asked softly.

“You know,” he sighed.

“I know demon's tortured you,” I said. “But how? What are your nightmares about?” Cullen stiffened, his hands clenching into fists. I massaged his shoulders and neck, humming softly to him and waiting. He relaxed, ever so slowly becoming less tense in my arms.

“I was locked in that prison,” he began. “I watched Ulred turn the mages and slaughter my fellow Templar's and he laughed, like their lives were a game. Demons tormented me, taking forms of people I cared about, telling me I was going to die, they were all going to die. The desire demons were the worst. I had a crush on a female mage. They took her form and told me I could run away and never have to worry again. Uldred....let them play with me.”

“How so?” I asked softly, pressing my lips to the crown of his head.

“Mostly sucking me,” he said.

“Is that why you never let me do it long?” I asked. He nodded.

“I...I'm sorry,” he said, suddenly.

“For what, my love?” I asked, stroking his cheek.

“I was so broken,” he sighed. “I said such terrible things, thought such terrible things about mages. I would have had you caged.”

“It's all right. You're not the same man.”

“I just...when I think of all the things I would have let happen to you....”

“Shhh, it's okay,” I pulled him up, kissing him, letting him pin me to the bed.

“I would have let them make you Tranquil,” he said angrily, punching the bed.

“Cullen,” I said, taking his hand in mine. “Would you now?”

“Never!” His head jerked back and his amber eyes grew wide in horror.

“Then that's all that matters,” I soothed. “No one will ever make me tranquil. Shhh, lay back down.” Cullen did as I said, melting into my embrace.

“Do you trust me?” I asked. “Do you trust me to do this to you? It will be very intense.”

“I...yes...” he said, pressing his face to my neck. “I also want to understand...”

“What I get out of it?” I finished. Another nod and I chuckled, kissing him.

“How does tomorrow night sound?” I asked. “It'll give me time to prepare.”

“I...okay, that sounds fine.” I kissed him again, dragging my nails along his scalp so he moaned softly.

“Be thinking of a safeword,” I said. He hummed and shifted against me, becoming completely relaxed as I pulled his tunic off and began trailing my nails along his bare back. I hummed softly as I continued my ministrations, listening as his breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep. I smirked and slid my phone from my pocket, moving it to my other hand and taking a picture of his face with his mouth hanging open and his cheek pressed into my shoulder.

I had one of Garrett just like it where he had passed out on my chest. I quietly slid the phone back into my pocket and returned to soothing him, content to listen to his soft moans of content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who didn't want to see a drooling, passed out Cullen? C'mon, you know you did.


	90. Crash and Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning**  
>  Bondage, whipping, forced orgasm, bad headspace, mindfucking, mild Drug use, dubcon, man on man, anal, swordplay. And anything I may have left out.
> 
> Disclaimer: BDSM can be therapeutic for people who have undergone trauma, but should not be used in place of therapy or support, no should such dangerous play be done by amateurs or without tons of planning and prep.

I looked at myself in the mirror for the hundredth time, making sure the costume was perfect. Or as perfect as I could have made it with only a day to prepare. Garrett had been fully on board with my idea, a grin lighting his face as he rigged the chains from the ceiling beam in our room.  A gold collar decorated my neck, chains leading down to loose clamps attached to my nipples with more gold chains hanging from them. A gold chain around my hips held up two loops of fabric, one draped over each hip artfully to hide my sex and most of my bottom. Sheer white fabric was wrapped around my legs in lue of being able to find ruffled pants made from the material. My hair spilled in wild curls, much more teased then I usually allowed it to get. We had found a strange black crown like thing with great spikes that curved up and into my hair, reminiscent of horns. Bracelets were secured around my elbows, more white fabric tucked beneath them. My lips had been painted a dark purple with dark violet eyeshadow giving me a smokey eye and some strange neon purple lipstick we found being used for the markings at the corner of the desire demon's eyes, silver eyeliner framing my lashes. Garrett had helped me paint purple spots on my shoulders and under my breast, having to stop for a moment to keep from pouncing on me. Just as I was ensuring my outfit was in place, there was a timid knock on the door. I ducked behind the dressing screen and watched between the crack as Garrett answered the door. Cullen looked up at him nervously, but Garrett just pulled him into a passionate kiss that had me biting my lip to keep from moaning.

“Is she here?” Cullen asked, looking around the room.

“She's finishing up,” Garrett said. “Are these...did you get her note?”

“Yeah,” Cullen said, looking down at his clothes. “It said to wear clothes I was okay with her destroying, so I did.”

“Good,” Garrett beamed. “And the other thing?” Cullen hesitated before pulling a sword and scabbard off his back.

“My Templar sword,” he said. Garrett stared at him for a long moment, hand cupping the other man's cheek.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. "You read what she wrote, didn't you? She's going to pretend to be a demon. We've spent hours making her look like one. You're..."

“Yes.” Cullen squared his shoulders and took a deep breath, looking at Garrett, no trace of hesitation as he ceased my husbands nervous chatter. "I read her note. It's what I want."

“All right,” he said. “What's your safe word?”

“Gallows,” Cullen replied.

“Nice!” Garrett praised. “I should use that one.”

“What's yours?” Cullen tilted his head to the side, curiously looking at his friend.

“Darkspawn,” Garrett said with a grin.

“That's a good one,” Cullen hummed.

“Come on,” Garrett said, taking Cullen's hand and pulling him to the middle of the room. He had Cullen kneel, pulling his arms over his head so they formed a 'Y' and buckling them into the fur-lined cuffs. He gave Cullen another kiss, rubbing his back soothingly.

“Just remember...”

“I know, I can stop at any time,” Cullen said.

“Well _that_ , and she loves you,” Garrett said. “No matter what she says, no matter what she does, it's a game, it's for you.” Cullen swallowed and nodded. Garrett walked over to the chair we had moved towards the center of the room, crossing his legs at the ankle and looking towards the screen. I slowly emerged, my gaze trained on Cullen, waiting for his reaction. His eyes grew wide, black pupils swallowing the honey iris. His lips parted, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Andraste _preserve_ me,” he breathed. I walked towards him, taking the goblet Garrett handed me, filled with a potion made from that fucking annoying root Zevran had gifted. I pressed the rim to Cullen's lips, tilting it back. He obediently drank it, eyes locked on me but my expression remained stony, not giving anything away. When he drained the glass, I pulled away, walking over and setting it on the table.

“Cullen,” I said softly looking at him over my shoulder. His head jerked up and his eyes met mine. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said, swallowing heavily. I stepped closer to him, waving my hand as I cast a barrier, the blue dome descending, reminiscent of the prison Uldred had made.

“ _What_ do we have here?” I purred. “Looks like Uldred left me a _present_.” Cullen's breath caught.

“And such a _handsome_ young thing too.” I moved closer, swaying my hips slowly. Cullen closed his eyes as I reached out and cupped his cheek, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.

“Poor little _Templar_ ,” I hissed, gripping his hair tightly and jerking his head back. “Did you think your _prayers_ would save you or your friends?” I trailed my lips over his cheek before throwing his head forward. I walked around him, picking up his sword from where Garrett had placed it on the floor.

“How _pretty_ ,” I purred, unsheathing it so it glinted in the light of the candles. I gripped the hilt firmly, moving closer to him.

“No,” he gasped. I paused, but he said no more so I moved closer, carefully cutting the garments he wore. I sheathed the sword, tossing it to the side so it clattered loudly.

“ _Worthless_ things against me.” I gripped his shirt and pulled, the fabric ripping away from his chest. He jerked but otherwise remained hanging against the chains. I moved to the toys Garrett and I set up, picking up a long stick with several leather strips on it. I knelt behind him, placing tender kisses on his back, my hands massaging the muscles there. I pulled back and stood, flicking my wrist so the leather cracked in the air next to his ear. He flinched, his back tense. I brought the whip down on his back carefully, enough to sting but not really hurt much. Slowly I lashed it harder, careful to watch his reaction, gauging what was too hard or too soft. When I found the right amount of force, I moved the whip along his back, red welts crisscrossing his pale skin. He gasped at each stroke, his body jerking, but never uttering the word to stop it. After a time, I set the whip aside and walked around, looking at his face. Tears beaded on his lashes, but he looked fine, staring at me.

“You _love_ her, don't you?” I asked. “This woman. You love her. You _want_ her. Did you think she would love _you_? Did you think she _could_ after all the horrible things you did under Meredith? What you _wanted_ to do to those Circle Mages? You would have _killed_ her and _not_ cared.”

“No!” Cullen cried. “ _Never_!”

“Mages aren't _people_ ,” I sneered. “Isn't that what you said?”

“I didn't _mean_ it!” he argued. “I would _never_ hurt her!” I paused, knowing I had him.

“Now,” I spat, bending down so I was in his face. “Wouldn't she have made such a pretty _Tranquil_?” Cullen lunged at me, but I laughed and danced out of his reach.

“How was it listening to your friends and fellow Templar's die?” I taunted. “I loved how they _screamed_ and _begged_!”

“Maker save me.” I laughed again, reaching out and wrapping my hand around Cullen's throat, giving a careful squeeze.

“There is no Maker, no one to save you! Ulred will have you just as he had the others!”

“Uldred _died_!” Cullen bellowed.

“How do you know?” I asked. “Maybe it's all been a lie. Maybe you _never_ left the tower and it's all been a dream. You're still _trapped_ in that prison.”

“No, she's real. It was all real,” Cullen chanted, clenching his jaw.

“She _was_ real,” I cooed. “ _Was_. She died at Haven with the rest and you _couldn't_ save her. Corypheus won and now you're my plaything, just as he promised.”

“No!” Cullen jerked at the chains but they held. I grabbed his hair, bending his head back at a painful angle, sneering.

“It's just as well, why would she want a _broken_ man?” Cullen sobbed and my heart clenched in my chest.

“No,” he whimpered. “She lived. She was _amazing_. She _lived_.” I released his hair, stepping back and trailing my hands over my body.

“But she didn't want you,” I purred. “Why else would I take this form? She _rejected_ you. She didn't love you.”

“She did!” Cullen protested, shaking his head. I gripped his pants, tearing them from his body viciously. His cock was half hard, his erection flagging slightly. I reached out, gripping it firmly and stroking him back to full hardness. He moaned, looking at me.

“Such a cute little toy,” I said, kissing him. He tugged at the chains again, leaning into me. I pulled back, smirking at the smear of purple on his lips. I ducked my head, taking his cock into my mouth and down my throat in one go, causing him to cry out and buck his hips. I set a brutal pace, forcing him to orgasm down my throat, swallowing his release as he sobbed. I drew back, licking my lips and standing.

“Gallows.” I dropped before him, taking him in my arms so his face was pressed to my neck.

“Shhh, it's okay,” I soothed, stroking his hair. “Shhh.” He sniffled softly, kissing my neck.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too,” I cooed, pulling back and peppering his lips with kisses. “Do you want us to stop or do you just need a moment?”

“Just...just a moment,” he panted. “Just...”

“I know,” I said, wrapping my arms around him, stroking my fingers along his spine. “Tell me when you're ready.” Cullen pressed hot kisses along my neck, tightly gripping the chains. He nipped at my chin and I turned my head, kissing him again.

“I'm ready,” he said. I smiled and kissed him once more, rising to my feet.

“Did you think she'd want you?” I asked in a low voice. “Did you think she'd want to touch you after I did? Ha! Should I tell her how you tasted, how you _moaned_?”  
Cullen tensed, gritting his teeth.

“You're _broken_ , _weak_ , _worthless_. Better men then you _died_ and you lived, men who didn't lust after mages. Even _now_ you want a mage. You're _pathetic_. You don't _deserve_ her.”

“No,” Cullen gasped. “I don't. But she still loves me.” My hand flew to my chest and I fought to keep my mindset. Glancing at Garrett, I saw a smile on his lips as he bent forward, stroking his chin.

His eyes met mine and his brows rose, showing his approval. He gave me a nod and I moved forward, cupping Cullen's hardening cock in my hand and stroking it. When it sat heavy and full in my palm, I pulled his hips forward, climbing into his lap and impaling myself on him. He gasped, throwing his head back as my slick folds gripped him. I gripped his hair painfully, biting his neck cruelly as I began to ride him.

“She won't when I'm _done_ with you.” He groaned, bucking beneath me. It wasn't long before I was climaxing, trembling against him as he flooded my channel with his seed. I sucked harshly on his pulse point, pulling off him and trailing biting kisses down his chest to his nipples. I sucked and nipped at them, teasing his over sensitive body before moving to lick his cock clean. He let out a guttural groan as I did,  tugging hard on the chains. I coated two of my fingers in saliva, reaching behind him and pressing against his entrance. He gasped, jerking his hips as I eased them into him, finding and rubbing his prostate.

“Fuck, oh Maker,” he panted, Garrett letting out a low moan from the chair. I looked over at my husband who was lazily stroking his cock, eyes locked on us. I teased the former Templar until his cock began to grow hard again. He let out a little whimper when I pulled my fingers free, looking down at me. I grinned and moved to his chest, teasing his nipples more, watching as he struggled. I stood and took the whip again, lashing his thighs.

“You're tainted now,” I snarled. “You're broken, living a lie! How long can you pretend? How long can you lie? Uldred may not have used magic on you, but he still made you a _monster_.” Cullen tensed, muscles straining against the bindings, mouth hanging open as he stared at me.

“No.” he whispered.

“That rumor, that you killed several mages...it wasn't a lie. You _did_ kill them, you just hid it!”

“ _Nooo_.”

“And what you did to those mages in Kirkwall? You knew how they suffered, knew what Meredith was doing! You did _nothing_!”

“No.”

“You enjoyed their suffering, relished it. It was how it should be, mages bowed and chained. Caged. They're not people. They don't deserve trust and leniency! They're just weapons! She's just a weapon, just _another_ weapon!”

“No!”

“How long before you turn on her? How long before she's locked away, chained to a circle? How long before you say she's too much of a risk and make her Tranquil?”

“ _NEVER_!” Cullen yelled.

“ _LIES_!” I snarled, pushing him hard. He lunged at me again, but I moved just out of his reach.

“How long before I am all that is left of her?” I sneered. “A faded memory meant to torment you, a demon wearing the face of a woman long dead, haunting your dreams with what she once was, what you _destroyed_?” Cullen pulled at the chains and I worried they may give way under his strength, but they held, the beam not even creaking.

“You'll kill her,” I spat. “Just as you killed Amell, just as you killed those mages in Kirkwall, marching behind Meredith, obeying her orders. She'll just be another dead you've left behind.”

“NO! You're not real!” Cullen cried, his voice breaking. “I would never hurt her, never hurt him...never! I'm not broken! I'm not a monster! I didn't know what Meredith was doing! I should have stopped her, but I am not responsible for what she did! It's why I stopped being a Templar! Because I loved he-....” Honey colored eyes locked with mine and a tear slid down his cheek.

“ _You_ ,” he breathed. I smiled, walking over and placing my hand on his bound wrist.

“Shall you face your demon, Knight-Commander?” I asked, unbuckling the cuff and tenderly kissing his red wrist before carefully dropping it to his side. I showed the other the same treatment, soothing the chafed skin before walking over and picking up his sword. I handed it to him, making Garrett shift nervously. Cullen took the sword, looking up at me.

“I am a demon of your desires,” I said. Cullen growled and lunged, tackling me to the ground. His hand braced my head so it didn't bang painfully against the wood floor. His hips pinned mine as he unsheathed his sword, the action causing Garrett to jump to his feet in alarm. I lay beneath him, relaxed but a spell on my lips at the off chance this went awry. Cullen gripped the hilt with both hands, slamming the sword down so it sank into the wood floor a foot above my head.

“No, you're not,” he said, pinning me to the floor and ravaging my mouth. He grabbed the collar and tore it from my neck, the clamps springing free with a snap. The jewelry was thrown to the side, the crown following.

“You're someone I love.” His hand came up and he smeared the makeup, smiling as it rubbed off easily. He kissed me again, throwing my legs open and shoving himself inside me. I hissed, digging my nails into to his shoulders at the abrupt entry, arching my back. Cullen set a brutal pace, pressing demanding kisses against my lips as I clawed at him, trying to find purchase. He hand came around my throat, pressing down hard, my breath coming out in short gasps.

“You will _never_ be Tranquil,” he breathed. “I won't allow it. I won't allow you to be a weapon. You're not...” He pressed his face into my neck, his hips working furiously, my legs forced open to accommodate him.

“Not what?” I gasped out.

“Not a dream,” he said. “You're real.”

“Yes,” I said. He bit down on my neck and I screamed, orgasming around him, my nails tearing at the skin of his back. He let out a snarl, slamming his cock inside me and exploding, his seed leaking out of me even as more was pumped in.

“You stupid woman!” he groaned.

“ _Hey_!” I glared at him.

“I could have killed you,” he growled. “Why did you give me my damned sword?”

“Because I _trusted_ you,” I said. His expression was priceless. Those simple words broke something in him, the last binding I had set out to destroy. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he looked at the sword he had pulled from the floor as if it were some foreign object. It was tossed away from him as if it burned, Cullen collapsing against me. I  wrapped my arms around him, murmuring softly to him. He held me tightly, his face against my chest as he pulled me up into his lap, his cock slipping free.

“I love you,” I cooed, stroking his neck. “You did so well. I know it was hard, my love, but it's over now. We can sit here as long as you want.” Cullen slowly calmed, his hands becoming less gripping, trailing over my skin as he placed tender kisses on my shoulders.

“I love you,” Cullen said, looking up at me. I smiled, reaching up to brush the tears from his face.

“I love you, too.”

“I want you,” he moaned, moving my hips so I was grinding against his hard cock.

“You have me,” I pointed out.

“He means the makeup,” Garrett said, handing Cullen a wet cloth. The Commander took it, gently cleaning my face off before moving to my arms and ribs, the purple spot vanishing in the wake of the rag. The chain at my hips was easily snapped, the fabric going with it across the room. Cullen's honey colored eyes were locked on me, watching as each garment was torn away until even the bangles at my ankles were slid over my feet and thrown to the side. He eased me back to the floor, smiling down at me as his fingers traced the contours of my face.

“Hello,” he whispered. I grinned up at him, brushing my fingers down the middle of his chest, my nails lightly scraping the hair there.

“Hello, Commander.”

“I heard you were a naughty recruit,” he teased, placing gentle kisses along my shoulder.

“Mmhmm, I masturbated into your tea,” I hummed. He chuckled, the sound rumbling in his chest.

“Is that why it was so sweet?” he asked, nipping at my throat.

“Would you two fuck already?” Garrett growled. “I'm hard as a rock.”

“Then come join us,” Cullen said.

“Don't need to tell me twice,” Garrett said, jumping up and divesting himself of his remaining clothes. He kissed Cullen first, plundering the ex-templar's mouth until he moaned before giving me the same treatment.

“Fuck her,” Cullen said, moving away from me. “I want to watch.” Garrett quickly pushed his cock into me, pulling my hips up as he began to thrust. His cock plunging into me made the lewdest wet sound as it pushed Cullen's seed out. I gripped my husband's bicep's, gasping as he plowed into me. I felt something hard against my lips and opened my mouth, the commander's cock sliding down my throat. I swallowed around him, my nails digging into his hips to encourage him as he gripped my hair and used my mouth.  
It wasn't long before he was moaning and spilling into my mouth while Garrett slammed into me violently, wrenching my orgasm from me. We all collapsed, Garrett leaning over me, his weight on his forearms while Cullen stretched out beside me.

“Fuck, I'm broke,” Cullen moaned.

“Me, too,” I groaned.

“That was hot as shit,” Garrett hissed.

“How am I hard again?” Cullen asked, looking down at his cock. “What the _fuck_ did you give me?”

“I guess too much,” I said.

“Well, I'm fucking Garrett next, get over here.”

“Rawr!” Garrett said, bouncing over and straddling the knight's hips. I watched as my husband eased himself down on the spit and cum soaked cock, his entrance spasming. I would never stop thinking about how incredibly arousing it was to watch them together, two muscled bodies vying for dominance, Garrett's eyes clenched in bliss as he held Cullen down by his shoulders, his hips lifting as he rode his cock. Cullen arched beneath him, gripping his hips as he pulled him down into each upward thrust. I reached over, wrapping my fingers around Garrett's cock, stroking it in time with Cullen's thrusts until they were both cumming, Garrett's seed splashing out over Cullen's chest.

“I'm getting chained next,” Garrett said.

“Of course, my love,” I said, kissing his neck. Garrett grinned down at me, dipping his head for a kiss I gladly granted.

“Have I told you lately how amazing you are?” he asked.

“I could stand to hear it again,” I said. Cullen laughed at this, pushing Garrett off of him and crawling to the bed. We all piled beneath the covers, Cullen between Garrett and I, my head on his shoulder while Garrett flung an arm out across his chest, yawning.

“My pussy hurts,” I complained.

“I'll kiss it better later,” Cullen said. Garrett snorted, reaching out and rubbing my arm.

“Next time, half the potion.”

“Yes, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Something is wrong with his mouth in the picture I drew and I can't figure it out. Two bowels and four hours later and I give up on figuring it out. Fuck it.~~   
>  I fixed it. Maybe. Added a new picture, too since it was asked about and I figured, fuck it, why not. Onto the next chapter.


	91. Dammit Jim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warning**  
>  Men smooching!

I stood on the battlements, looking out at the mountains, a smile on my lips. Cullen, Garrett and I had easily fallen into a life together. Most nights, Cullen slept in our bed, saying the nightmares were less when we were there. Though he confessed they had gotten infinitely better after him and I had scened. Our play had empowered him, reminding him that the torture was only in his head and it wasn't real. He told me in depth of a dream he was usually haunted by, in which a desire demon took my form and taunted him, letting herself be beaten and stabbed, laughing. In his dream, he had begged her to stop before recalling where he was. He had stood, storming over and grabbing her, kissing her soundly.

"You're not a demon, you're a dream. A dream of a woman I desperately love and who loves me." The demon had changed, the evil intentions and taunting words fading until it was just me, curled to his chest, smiling sweetly and cooing at him.

"You look happy." I turned and found said man standing behind me, a smile on his lips.

"I was just thinking," I said. 

"What about?"

"You." I tossed him a grin and he stepped closer to me. My back pressed against the stone, my hands going behind me to brace myself. He breathed my name and a shiver went up my spine. He stood before me, close but not touching.

"I never thought any of this was possible," he said softly. "When you married Garrett..."

"I know," I said. "But...Cullen...I..." I paused, looking up at him. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"You're the Seer, we were at war," he sighed, moving closer to me. "And...I didn't think I could offer you anything besides...besides my love."

"Your love was...is enough for me," I said. He smirked.

"So it is," he hummed, leaning in. I watched his eyes flutter closed and tilted my head back, ready to kiss him. The door behind us slammed and a male voice called out;

"Commander, I have Sister Leliana's report." Cullen and I leaned back against the wall, a sigh escaping both of us.

"What?" Cullen growled.

"Sister Leliana's report," the man I recognized as 'Jim' said. "You wanted it delivered without delay." Cullen stepped towards him and I suppressed a giggle as he leaned in close, the soldier's eyes going wide at Cullen's, no doubt, fierce glare. Jim looked at the Commander for a moment before his gaze turned to me. I gave him a tight smile, before running my fingers through my hair. The rumors would float around Skyhold now. Perhaps this wasn't the best place for this. Cullen was a very private man and while Garrett and I gave zero fucks about rumors, he might not. Corypheus was defeated, so it wasn't like we needed to save face before diplomates. The worst thing that could happen was that people would talk and Garrett and I hadn't cared. If they talked, so what? But Cullen might not see it like that.

"In your office then," Jim stammered and spun, almost running back to Cullen's office. The Commander snarled as the door slammed closed. I looked at Cullen's tense back, letting my eyes slip closed.

"If you need to..." I began, only to gasp in surprise as Cullen spun around and seized me, his hand on the back of my neck to hold my head in place as his lips seized mine in a passionate kiss. His tongue pushed past my lips, exploring my mouth hungrily as he pressed me against the wall, his other hand dropping to my hip and pulling me against his body. I moaned against his lips, my arms flung out in surprise. Cullen was kissing me on the battlements, in full view of anyone who walked by and with the full knowledge of a soldier, who would most likely tell anyone who would listen. He pulled back, taking a deep breath and smiling at me shyly.

"I'm sorry..." he stammered. "That was...uh...really nice..." I smiled up at him, my hands going to his biceps and resting there lightly. 

"You're not ashamed of me?" I asked. "People will talk." Cullen laughed, a deep rich laugh that warmed my heart.

"Ashamed of you? Never," he said. "I...I love you." I looked up at him, staring into his honey colored eyes, not seeing any hesitation or uncertainty. 

"I love you, too, Cullen," I said softly. He smiled at me, leaning forward and kissing me again, his lips warm and tender against mine. 

"They won't understand," I said against his lips.

"They don't need to," he murmured. "It's not _their_ life." My heart swelled and I felt tears bead on my lashes. Cullen would do this...for me? Put himself in the direct line of slander and sneers, risk being shunned by society...for me? 

I pulled him into another kiss, jumping when the door behind us opened once more. I tried to pull away, but he followed, ignoring the other person's presence.

"Oh that's _hot_ ," Garrett moaned and we both pulled apart to grin at him. My husband licked his lips, his gaze locked on us. "I will never get tired of watching you two together." I laughed and beckoned him closer. He came over to us and I grabbed him, pulling him down into a kiss. He pushed me against the wall, plundering my mouth and moaning. He pulled away and I leaned back on the wall, panting.

I watched as he did the same to Cullen, weaving his fingers in the Commander's hair. Cullen groaned, tilting his head as Garrett cupped his neck before smoothing his hands down Cullen's chest. Garrett pulled back and gave Cullen a gentle push in my direction.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Garrett said in Cullen's ear. I blushed at twin Amber eyes landed on me, both filled with love and hunger. "She's all yours Commander."

"All mine," Cullen echoed, raking his gaze over me. "Hard to believe."

"She loves you," Garrett said, trailing his fingers along Cullen's neck, nuzzling his jaw. Cullen and I shifted awkwardly.

"I love you, too, Garrett," I said. He chuckled, looking over at me.

"I know, baby," he assured me. "I know I hold your heart. But it's a big heart and you've got a lot of love. This is okay. Don't fret, my sweet girl." He came over to me, taking me in his arms and stroking my hair. I looked up at him adoringly, wanting to let him know how I felt, how much this whole thing and his acceptance meant to me, but I couldn't think of the words. Gold eyes bore into mine and a smile curled his lips. His hand lifted and his fingertips trailed gently down my cheek then along my jaw, stopping at my chin and tilting my head back. He let out a soft chuckle as he bent down.

"I know, baby," he said, his voice a low rumble. "I love you, too, more than I can possibly say." His lips were on mine and I moaned softly, my body melting against him. We parted and both turned to look at Cullen who was watching us hungrily.

"That was...more arousing than it should be," he purred, stepping closer to us. "Kiss her again." Garrett chuckled and turned to me, pinning me to the side of the merlon and ravaging me. I wrapped my arms around him, digging my fingers into his back as he kissed me. He pulled back and looked over to where Cullen stood, watching us intently.

"My turn," he said and Garrett stepped back, letting Cullen take his place and kiss me, his hands cupping my neck as plundered my mouth. I panted against his lips when he pulled away, looking up at him hungrily.

"Cullen," I gasped. He smirked, placing a gentle kiss on my lips before pulling back and giving Garrett one.

"I must get back to work," he said, turning and walking back towards his office. "I'll see you both tonight." Garrett and I stared as the door closed behind him before turning to look at each other.

"Did we just get blue balled?" Garrett asked, one dark brow lifting towards his hairline.

"We _did_!" I cried, glaring at the door. "That little shit!"

"Oh, he's _getting_ it tonight!" Garrett declared. "You're getting it right now, though. C'mere!" I shrieked and ran from the battlements, racing across the courtyard as my husband chased me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a total fetish for Garrett and Cullen kissing. And...well...anything really!


	92. Butterfly Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And one to grow on.  
>  _words_ =Elvish

I jumped off the carriage and rushed across the field, shouting and waving. The figure on the horse turned, sunlight catching blue eyes that lit up at my approach.

“Da'lath'in!” My father jumped from his horse and raced towards me, sweeping me into his arms and spinning me around, pressing a kiss to my brow.

“ _Papa! What are you doing this close to Kirkwall?_ ” I asked.

“ _Looking for you_ ,” he said, clapping Garrett on the back as he joined us, Malcolm on his hip. “ _I missed you_.”

“ _I missed you, too, Papa!_ ” I said, hugging him again, snuggling into his chest. He chuckled and looked around, a brow arched.

“Just you three?” he asked.

“Varric went on ahead of us,” I said. “And we wanted to travel light since we're only staying a few weeks.”

“Ahh, change of plans?” he questioned, walking over and grabbing his mount which had started grazing lazily. 

“Yeah,” I said, taking Malcolm from Garrett and passing him off to Solas. “We decided to stay at Skyhold until the Inquisition disbands. They still need help.”

“And this would have nothing to do with the Commander, right?” Solas asked as he kissed Malcolm before setting him atop his mount, making sure the little boy had a firm grip on the saddle horn. 

“I'd ask how you know, but I can already guess,” I huffed. Solas merely smirked, leading his horse towards our carriage. My father eyed it before looking down at me.

“Expecting are we?” he questioned.

“Well, I have to keep your bloodline going somehow,” I said. 

“So, boy or girl?” I climbed back into the carriage, Garrett mounting his horse and pulling it to a trot beside us.

“Girl,” I said. “It may be Cullen's, we're not sure yet.” Solas shook his head, climbing up on his horse behind Malcolm, pulling the toddler against him as he urged the horse to move a bit faster.

“You live an interesting life, my daughter,” he said. I shrugged and pointed to my husband.

“His idea,” I said. Solas looked over at Garrett for a moment before turning to face forward.

“So, what prompted you to share my daughter with _another man_ ,” he asked.

“Boy that's a loaded question,” I snorted, ignoring the look my father gave me.

“Well, she told me that if I hadn't been around, she probably would have gotten with him, she romanced him in those games,” Garrett explained, easily. “And Cullen confessed he had feelings for her.”

“So you don't mind?” Solas questioned, a brow raised.

“Look, I know it's weird,” Garrett sighed. “But it works for us. It's not just her and Cullen, Cullen and I do things too. And I know my wife loves me, I don't doubt that. Even when she's fucking him, I _know_ she loves me. She _married_ me. I'm secure enough in her love to share her and not think it will diminish her feelings for me.”

“It just makes me love you more,” I said. Garrett smiled and leaned over, brushing a kiss on my cheek. Solas eyed us for a moment before smiling.

“If it makes you happy,” he said. “How is everything else?”

“Well enough,” I said and launched into telling him about what had been going on. We arrived at the gates of Kirkwall and my father dismounted, pulling Malcolm from his saddle and giving him a parting kiss. He climbed into the carriage and pulled me into a tight hug that I returned, pressing my face to his neck.

“You won't stay?” I asked in a pitiful voice. Solas pulled away, brushing aside tears with his thumb.

“No, da'lath'in,” he said sadly. “I have more to do. But I will come to Skyhold soon.”

“ _Promise_?” I asked like a scared child.

 _“Of course,”_ he soothed. _“I won't miss the birth of your child.”_ He pressed a kiss to my brow before dropping one on Malcolm's temple and climbing back into the saddle of his horse. I watched as he rode away before urging the horse into Kirkwall. Once inside the walls, I climbed down and guided the single horsed carriage through the winding streets behind my husband. I spied a mop of white hair and glowing tattoos on tanned skin in the crowd and called out to Fenris, dashing over and throwing my arms around him. He grunted in surprise, pulling back enough to see just who had tackled him. He smirked down at me, flicking my hair out of my face.

“Hello to you as well,” he said.

“Miss me?” I asked.

“ _No_ ,” he scoffed.

“Lies,” I shot back. “ _I_ missed _you_.”

“Why on _earth_ would you miss me?” he questioned, black brow arched.

“I'm a glutton for punishment?” I offered, pulling away and taking his hand. “Stop arguing, be _happy_ you were missed and come meet my baby.”

“I already met him,” Fenris said, allowing himself to be drug along nonetheless. 

“Not the new one,” I said. “I was pregnant, remember?”

“Oh right,” he hummed. “It's been so long since I've seen you.” Malcolm looked over at Fenris as the Tevinter elf stood before him, hazel eyes raking over him.

“This is Uncle Fenris,” I said. “He's a friend of Babae's.”

“ _Hello_ ,” Malcolm greeted in Elvish, reaching for the man. Fenris hesitated before taking the child in his arms.

“ _Why does your skin glow?_ ” Malcolm asked.

“I don't speak elvish, boy,” Fenris said.

“Why do you glow?” Malcolm repeated in common.

“Slaver's tattooed lyrium into my skin,” Fenris said.

“Want it gone?” Malcolm asked.

“That would be nice,” Fenris snorted.

“Okay!” Malcom chirped, gathering magic in his hands.

“Malcolm, no!” I cried, grabbing his hands and casting nullify to dispel his magic. He whimpered at the sharp sting of the spell, looking at me with watery eyes.

“Balea taught you to removed vallaslin, didn't he?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “Said Mamae should never have and to remove.”

“These aren't like that,” I said. “You can't just remove them without causing pain.”

“Know,” Malcolm said. “But will be gone.”

“Malcolm,” came Garrett's sharp voice. “Your mother said 'no'. You can't just go around casting spells on people like that.”

“What is he talking about?” Fenris asked.

“He was going to remove the lyrium,” I explained. Green eyes flew open and looked at my son who was happily cuddled against the elves shoulder.

“He can do that?”

“In truth, I have no idea. He can remove the Vallaslin the elves get, I'm not sure how well the spell would work on anything else.”

“Don't use magic on me,” Fenris told Malcolm.

“Kay,” the little boy chirped.

“How is everyone?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Well enough, I suppose,” Fenris said.

“Right, forgot you're the wrong person to ask,” I sighed, reaching up and lightly flicking his ear. He smirked, handing Malcolm to Garrett when the child reached for his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before I go further, obviously I support polyamory if that's what you want to do, but it's not for everyone. I'm not telling everyone to go out and do this. This works for these three because of a whole host of reasons I won't get into now.


	93. Don't Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning**  
>  Forceful sex, rough sex, Quick sex.
> 
> So, just a little thing I thought I would share with you guys. I was reading up on accents (not sure why) but I read that American's have the 'Original British Accent'. Basically, the way British people talk now didn't come around until around the 19th (or so) century by high bred people. The American Southern accent is most heavily influenced by the addition of this more modern British accent as well as Scots and the Irish. Given that most in the Free Marches seem to have slightly Scottish accents and all the traveling I imagine Malcolm Hawke did around the Free Marches, I have this headcanon that Garrett's accent is less British and has a slight southern twang to it, something he most likely picked up from his father. Like it's a mix.   
> Anyway, just thought I'd share.

Malcolm loved his room, running around and pulling out his toys, eager to play with new things. Aveline had come over with Donnic to see us, looking incredibly uncomfortable when I dropped Malcolm into her arms. He blinked up at her, quite used to being introduced to different people by now and then looked over his shoulder at me.

“Auntie Aveline,” I said, pointing to her, then Donnic. “Uncle Donnic.” Donnic melted, reaching for the child who went readily into his arms.

“Mamae?” my son asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Yes my love?” I asked.

“This one is human, but strange,” he said. I arched a brow.

“How so?” 

“No mustache,” he replied. I paused, thinking for a moment before doubling over with laughter. All the men he had ever know that were human and around his father's and my ages, had at least, a mustache of some kind. He had never seen a male without that aside from the elves.

“My sweet boy,” I giggled. “Not all human males have hair on their upper lip, just a great many of them.”

“Ahhh,” he hummed, and snuggled into Donnic, yawning. “I'm sleepy.”

“Do you want Mamae to put you in your new bed?” I asked.

“Not yet,” he said.

“Are you scared?” I questioned.

“No,” he said. “Just wanna stay up with you.”

“Very well.” I invited them to sit, watching as Donnic sat with Malcolm in his lap, his expression one of awe as my son snuggled against his chest and began watching the fire. I let myself be pulled down to Garrett's lap, leaning back against him. Aveline looked at me for a moment and I could tell she wanted to say something. After a time, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter's I had sent her.

“I hope to never see another letter like this,” she said slowly. 

“I can't promise that,” I said. “But I hope you don't either.”

“What is it?” Garrett asked. Aveline handed it to my husband who looked at us curiously before opening it.

“Dear Aveline,” he read aloud. “There is a chance I won't return from battling Coreypheus. In the event of my death....” He paused, his voice dropping. “...please...give these to Garrett...” He pulled a sealed Envelope from the folded paper, looking down at his name scrawled across in my handwriting. He looked down at me before breaking the seal and pulling a folded bit of paper out.

“Garrett...” I began, but he looked at the letter.

“My dearest love,” he read in a soft voice. “If you are reading this, then I perished. I'm sorry I couldn't make it back, but I want you to know that my time with you was the happiest in my life. I will never regret the strange turn of events that lead me to meeting you, loving you or bringing Malcolm into this world. You have my heart, you always have, even before I knew you. I regret not being able to return to you, but take solace in the fact that I don't leave you alone. Malcolm is the proof of our love, treasure him and love him enough for both of us. I have enclosed a letter for Malcolm. I trust you will give it to him when you believe the time is right.” Garrett stopped, swallowing thickly, tears swimming in his glowing golden eyes. “I will see you on the other side, my love...” Garrett's gaze shot to me and my heart broke. He had feared having to read this, feared hearing Gethorn say that I did make it, feared I wouldn't return. I could imagine him collapsed on the floor of our bedroom, gripping the letter tightly as tears poured freely down his cheeks, his expression one of utter anguish. 

Frantic lips crashed into mine, his hands pulling me tightly against his body. I tasted salt and knew he was crying. He pulled back, pressing his forehead against mine, his breath fanning out over my lips.

“I was so scared,” he whispered. “The scouts told me the group returned but they couldn't tell if you were among them.”

“The blanket must have obscured me,” I said. “I'm sorry.”

“Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you,” he said. “I'd travel the void itself...”

“Garrett,” I soothed, pressing my fingers to his lips. “I'm fine. I'm here.”

“I need you,” he breathed, devouring my lips. Avelina quietly cleared her throat, rising to her feet and beconing Donnic to do the same.

“We're going to put Malcolm down,” she said, motioning to the now sleeping toddler. “Then we'll see ourselves out. Have a good night, you two.” Garrett cast her a grateful look before lifting me up and dashing to our room. The door was barely closed before he was pinning me to the bed, tossing the letter he still clutched to the floor. My clothes joined it, some having been literally torn from my body. Garrett shed his own garments, pushing my legs open and sliding inside me with one fluid movement after spitting on my slit a few times for added lubricant. I arched my back, clawing at his arms as I fought to adjust to the brutal entry, my mouth open in a silent scream. When I finally relaxed, my husband began thrusting, his mouth and hands wandering over my skin as if he were trying to memorize each and every detail. Our coupling was violent and desperate, Garrett forcing me to orgasm over and over again while he marked me, jerking my head back so I arched my spine. I knew I would be sore the next day, but I also knew my husband needed this. He needed to hurt me, dominate me, make me scream so he could see that I was alive, I was real. I surrendered to him, biting and clawing at him to encourage him to be rougher, more brutal. He finally spilled into me as he wrapped a hand around my throat, his hips slamming into me with a bruising force as his blunt nails dug into the skin of my hips, forcing me to remain still as he pumped me full of his seed. My vision went white before slowly going black as I sagged back on the bed.   
I came to while he cleaned me, his lips tenderly soothing all the bruises and scratches on my body, cleaning the mess from my no doubt swollen sex.

“Are you all right?” he asked. I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out, so I only nodded. Garrett pulled me against his chest, taking my hand in his and kissing my fingers.

“Do you need anything?”

I shook my head, yawning softly.

“I miss Cullen,” Garrett said suddenly. I looked up at him, arching a brow. 

“Why's that?” I asked in a rough voice.

“I just...I don't know,” he stammered. “Don't you?”

“Terribly,” I whimpered. “I want to leave for Skyhold as soon as we can.”

“We will, love,” he assured. “As soon as my business is done here.” I stared at my husband, smirking.

“Want his cock in you?” I teased. He licked his lips and I felt his cock twitch against my hips.

“That, too,” he breathed. A pause. I looked at his face as he stared up at the canopy above our bed.

“You love him,” I said flatly. He clenched his eyes shut, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

“I'm sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” I asked, sitting up. “I love him, too.”

“I just...I didn't expect too.” He turned his head to the side, looking away from me but I took his chin, turning it back. I kissed him slowly, cupping his cheeks.

“Do you still love me?” I questioned.

“More than anything,” he breathed.

“Then I see nothing wrong with it.” I ruffled the hair of his beard so he smiled, one hand smoothing over my back.

“I doubt he feels the same, though.” There was a wistfulness to his smile now and I shook my head.

“You don't know that,” I said.  He pressed a kiss to my wrist before resting my hand on his chest and closing his eyes. I tangled my legs with his and let my own eyes slip shut, drifting off into a dreamless slumber granted by my intense exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support during this difficult time. You guys rock.  
> My Grandmother is still in hospice, but she's getting better. Said she's not ready to die, she's having too much fun at the assisted living place. Go figure. She's a stubborn old brawd, though. They say that people who are dying get a 'second wind' where they seem better but nothing has really changed. I'm not sure if it's that or if she's really getting better. Either way, I got to see her and the family and helped my aunt take care of some of her affairs just in case. Hopefully, she lives several more years. At least long enough to see her great-grandchildren.
> 
> Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that you rock and I appreciate all the well-wishes and stuff. ♥♥♥♥♥


	94. Chapter 94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING**  
>  Toys, girl on girl, spanking, lactation, voyeurism, and tons of other stuff.

I wrote to Cullen the next day, sending the message by raven to Skyhold. I knew it would take at least a day, but was anxious to hear from him. Garrett's business turned out to be slow going, much to our mutual frustration. Malcolm was having fun with all the new people in his life and the ever affectionate Dog. Orana adored the child, flushing with pleasure anytime he sought her out. We received a letter from Cullen a few days after we arrived, the script harsh and rushed.

“ _I miss you both so much_ ,” it said. “ _Leliana says I've been in a foul mood since you departed, but I can't seem to help myself. I can't wait until you return. I love you. Cullen._ ” I showed the letter to Garrett before penning one back to him.

“ _Cullen_ ,” I wrote, feeding a bit of seed to the Raven. “ _We can't wait to return to Skyhold. It seems that won't be for some time, though, as we can't leave until our business is done. Each day away just seems to get harder. Garrett says I'm in a surly mood as well, but_ his _is no better. Malcolm, of course, is just excited with all the new things to see and do. We'll be there as soon as we can, love. Though, you could always join us...._ ” I sent the letter off, chewing my lip as I did. I hope Cullen would take our invitation, though I doubted it. Our work-a-holic lover wouldn't leave Skyhold for anything more than business and this certainly wasn't business.  
That evening, Garrett asked me to go with him to the Hanged Man to meet up with Varric and the other's as we had several nights before, but I declined, feeling fatigued and not wanting to dump Malcolm off on Orana again, not that the elf minded. I had shooed him away to go have his night out, knowing Donnic, Isabela, and Fenris would be joining in for a game of Wicked Grace and there was a strong chance my husband would return missing a few bits of clothes or sloppy drunk, if not both. While he was gone, I took a nap with Malcolm on our bed, enjoying the feel of my son cuddled up to my breast, snoozing away. I awoke feeling better and took Malcolm around High Town, showing him the merchants and people. He, naturally, charmed everyone he met. He moved flawlessly from Common to Elvish, even speaking broken Quanlet to the few Qunari scattered around. He asked questions, ever a curious child, and had a ready smile for anyone he met. As the sun began to set, we returned home and had a light supper.

“Babae coming?” Malcolm asked as he cast his hazel eyes around for his father.

“He's out with some friends, my sweet,” I said. “He'll be back later tonight. You'll probably be asleep.”

“Miss Skyhold,” Malcolm said sadly. “Miss isa'ma'lin.”

“I know, baby,” I said, reaching over and petting his head. “But we'll be back soon.”

“Where are we, Mamae?” he questioned, looking up at me curiously.

“Kirkwall, my sweet. I told you that.”

“But, why?” he pressed.

“This will be our home in a few years,” I explained. “It's technically our home now.”

“Will all from Skyhold be here?” he inquired. I paused, choosing my words carefully so as not to upset him.

“Some will, but not all, my love. Uncle Cullen will be here, Gethorn will be here, Uncle Varric will be here, but the others won't. We will still get to see them, though. Just not as much.” I watched him closely, noting his saddened expression.

“But...like everyone together,” he whimpered.

“I know, but we can't stay at Skyhold forever,” I explained. “We're only there while the Inquisition is. Once they disband, we will move back here. Babae and Uncle Cullen have work to do, so does Uncle Varric. The other's have their own work to do as well and they need to return to their homes for that. But we will see them, my sweet child, I promise. Baela said he will drop by regularly, and Uncle Madison and Aunt Josephine won't live far.”

“Don't want to!” he sniffed, his little cheeks puffing out as he crossed his arms. I stood and walked to his side, kneeling down so he was forced to look at me.

“Nor do I, my love,” I said. “But it is how it must be. People won't always be around just because you love them, they have their own lives to live. But they will always be there. They won't be far enough that you can't reach them. People come and go in our lives, if we love them, they won't be truly gone. Do you understand?” He sniffled, scrubbing his eyes and nodded. He gave a wide yawn and I lifted him into my arms, carrying him to bed. I lay him in his crib and leaned over him, singing softly until his breathing evened out. I moved to the master bedroom, changing into my nightgown and laying down in bed,  pulling out a book on Magic. I was just drifting off when I felt gentle kisses on my lips accompanied by the subtle brush of facial hair. I opened my eyes to find Garrett leaning over the chair, giving me a loving smile. I reached up, stroking his cheek as I returned his grin.

“Did you have fun, my love?” I asked.

“I did,” he said. “You?”

"I did," I said. "I had some Mommy bonding time with our son. It was nice. I keep forgetting I need to treasure these years since they go by so quickly." Garrett grinned, laying down on his stomach beside me.

"Oh? What did you do?" he asked and my heart swelled. Garrett was never too busy or tired or drunk to hear about his son.

"We cuddled up and took a nap, then I showed him to all the neighbors and told them how my baby was prettier than theirs," I listed off, giggling when Garrett pressed his face to the bed and laughed.

"I love you," he snickered, leaning over and kissing me. "Okay, what else?"

"Well, then he smeared food on his face for forty-five minutes and called it eating," I went on, laughing as my husband poked my side. "Then I had to explain that we would eventually have to leave Skyhold and he'd just have to beat up on Daddy or Uncle Cullen or his siblings instead of Bull and he bitched that you guys can't play like Bull..."

"He did not!" Garrett gasped, affronted.

"No, he didn't," I said. "But the look on your face was awesome."

"You're _evil_ ," my husband grumbled.

"Then I sang him to sleep," I cooed. Garrett propping his head up with the heel of his hand to his cheek and gave me a dreamy smile.

"You're such a good Mommy," he sighed, leaning forward and kissing me sweetly. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"What did you and the guys do?" I asked.

"Well," Garrett said. "We played cards, got drunk, I lost 20 to Fenris, the bastard, and told them all how amazing my wife is and awesome my son is until they threw shit at me and told me to stuff it."

"Did you really?" I asked.

"Well, Fenris threw something, Varric told me to shut up," he said.

"For fuck's sake," I said with a laugh. He hummed and kissed me.

“I brought someone to meet you,” he said. I peered around him, spying Isabela in the doorway.

“Hey, Iz,” I said, shifting myself up. Garrett rose to his knees, turning to look at Isabela.

“Hey, beautiful,” she cooed. “Sorry I haven't been by, yet. I just got back into town the other day.”

“It's fine,” I assured. “I know you've been busy. Garrett told me you said 'hey' when he ran into you the other day.” I rose to my feet, walking over and giving her a hug. She pulled me close, much closer than I expected, her curves tucked around mine as he hands pressed into the small of my back. She brushed a chaste kiss over my cheek and I pulled back, looking at her.

“Okay, something's up,” I said. Garrett leered while Isabela pouted.

“No fun,” she huffed.

“Iz here wants to join us for the night,” Garrett said. “Well, one of us. If you're alright with that. If not, then she goes back to the Hanged Man, no question's asked.” His gaze was stern on me, conveying that he wanted to truth from me and nothing less. I thought about it for a moment.

“Is this okay with Cullen?” I asked, eyeing the Rivaini.

“Yes,” Garrett assured. “He said he was fine with it. Wished he could watch, but fine.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Don't worry, sweetness,” Isabela cooed. “I don't want to intrude on your...arrangement. Merely have a little fun.”

“All right,” I said. “It'll be nice to watch Garrett fuck you.” Isabela laughed, shaking her head.

“You misunderstand, darling,” she purred. “I want to play with you.”

“I...what?” I jerked my head to Garrett, brows up to my hairline. He grinned, his arms crossing over his broad chest.

“It was what she asked for,” Garrett confirmed.

“You see, dear,” Isabela began, making her way towards me. “I was sitting with Garrett at the Hanged Man the other day and we were talking about you, Garrett loves to tell stories about you. And I asked him if he would be against me having a night in your arms. Imagine my surprise when he shrugged and said, 'As long as she's okay with it.'” One of her brows arched as she put her hands on her hips. My eyes darted to Garrett who rolled one of his shoulders in a shrug.

“I was just being coy,” Isabela said. “But he then begins to explain your...arrangement with Ser Cullen and how he wouldn't mind extending that arrangement to me, temporarily that is, as long as you and Cullen agree.”

“It was kind of funny,” Garrett cut in. “She's all; 'Are you serious?'. Her jaw was hanging open and everything.” Isabela shot him a glare, before turning back to me.

“I asked him for a moment to think about it,” Isabela continued, “But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I mean...some of the things he's told me, nothing too graphic mind you, they just get the blood boiling.”

“What did you tell her?” I questioned.

“Just about some of the things we like to do,” he said. “Like how you like pain and to be dominated.”

“Oh,” I said, relieved. “So you want to dominate me?” Isabela smirked, her lip ring glinting in the firelight.

“In a way,” she said. “Don't worry, I won't go very far. Garrett was very clear on my boundaries in this.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yes.” I stood and stepped closer to her, my hands at my sides. Isabela looked to Garrett who nodded and pulled out the desk chair, sitting in it and putting his chin in his hand.

“She said yes,” he said with a wave of his free hand. “She's all yours. Toys are in that chest.” Garrett pointed and Isabela immediately dashed to said chest, opening it and sifting through the contents. I walked over to Garrett, smiling when his hands slide around my waist and he pulled me close, an affectionate grin on his lips.

“Hello, my love,” he cooed.

“Hello,” I said, bending down and kissing him. “Did you have fun at the bar, then?” I cast a teasing look towards Isabela as she eagerly sifted through the toy chest and Garrett chuckled.

“I did,” he said. “Wish you would have come.”

“I was just feeling a little tired,” I said.

“Are you up for this?” came Isabela's concerned voice. “I can wait. I mean...we don't have to do this now...”

“I'm fine,” I assured her. “I took a little nap and I feel better.” She looked at me, unsure, her gaze darting to Garrett.

“She's fine,” Garrett told her. “It happened when she was pregnant with Malcolm. Did my girls have a good nap?”

“We did,” I said. “We missed Babae, though.”

“Did you?” he asked, lifting my skirt up and placing a kiss on my stomach. “Did you miss Papa, too?”

“Of course,” I said, running my fingers through his hair.

“He misses you,” Garrett said. “Said he was very sad without us.”

“Does Babae miss Papa?” I teased.

“You bet,” Garrett cooed. “Much more than I thought I would.” Garrett looked up at me, his eyes locking with mine. I smiled.

“All right, I'm ready,” Isabela said, dropping a few things on the bed. I moved back towards her, the skirt of my nightgown falling back into place. She stepped towards me, looking down at me, her amber eyes searching my face. I only looked at her expectantly, my hands clasping behind my back.

“Tell me what to do,” I said. “How do you want to start.”

“I think...” she sighed. “...With a kiss.” Her hands cupped my cheeks, tilting my head to the side as her mouth pressed against mine. Her lips parted, her tongue pressing forward and teasing the seam. I opened my mouth for her, my tongue seeking out hers. She tasted of ale and tobacco, her gold piercing brushing my skin as her lips moved. I put my hands on her waist, pressing closer to her when her one hand moved down to my rump, gripping it firmly. She massaged the fleshy mass in her hand, pressing her pelvis forward. I moaned softly, letting out a gasp when her fingers tugged my hair. She pulled back, panting softly.

“Strip,” she ordered, moving back to sit on the bed. I grinned and pushed the straps of my gown down, letting it drop, catching slightly on my breast before fluttering to the carpet. Her fingers worked at the ties of her corset, loosening them enough for her to slip it over her head. I moved forward, my fingers gripping the skirt of her dress and helping her pull it over her head. I reached for her bandanna next, straddling her thighs. She put her hands on my back, jerking me forward, her lips finding one of my nipples and sucking on it firmly.

“Wait!” I cried, but she was already drawing back, licking her lips.

“Milk?” she asked.

“When you have two men who never stop sucking on your breast...” I said with a shrug.

“Far be it from me to ruin their fun,” she giggled,  returning to her teasing, much to my surprise. I pushed bandanna off her head, her dark locks cascading over her shoulders and framing her face.

“Up on the bed, sweetness,” she cooed.

“Your boots,” I pointed out.

“Those stay on,” she replied, giving me a gentle push. I moaned softly at the thought of her wearing those boots while we fucked and gave her another deep kiss. She gripped my rump, grinding against me before pulling back her hand and delivering a stinging slap. I yelped, pulling away from her mouth.

“I said on the bed.” I slid off her lap and climbed up onto the mattress, shaking my bottom at her. She gave me another stinging smack, climbing up after me. Gentle hands urged me on my back as her lips trailed lightly along my neck. I mewled, turning my head to give her more room as I palmed her breast. She swatted my hands away, wagging her finger in my face.

“Let me play, sweet thing,” she said. “You'll get your chance.”

“Fuck this is hot,” Garrett moaned and we both turned to see him watching us with rapt attention. Isabela grinned deviously and dipped her head, slowly and obviously twirling her tongue around my nipple.

“Tell me how it feels, baby,” my husband ordered and I let my eyes slide shut, moaning.

“So good,” I said. “Her mouth is so hot.”

“Are you wet?” Garrett asked a little breathlessly. I cried out as Isabela snuck two fingers into me, curling them up so I bucked my hips.

“Soaked,” she purred. I writhed as she pumped her fingers into me, gripping the poster of the bed tightly.

“Look at her,” Isabela sighed. “She's so sensitive.”

“I know,” Garrett groaned. “I love it.” Isabela slipped another finger into me, making me spread my legs wide.

“Cum for me, sweetness,” she cooed, her thumb rubbing my pearl in rapid circles. I did as she said, clamping wildly around her fingers as I orgasmed, my thighs shaking.  
I gasped for breath as I came down, looking at her blearily.

“We're not done yet,” she assured me, climbing up the bed. She straddled my face, her thighs on either side of my head and her hand winding in my hair.

“Lick me,” she ordered and I did, gripping her hips and pulling her down as I pushed her lips apart with my tongue, tracing along her dripping folds. I pressed my tongue into her entrance, moving it in and out of her slowly, my teeth scraping her bud. She jerked her hips, rolling them against my mouth as she moaned. I slid my fingers into her hole, sucking on her clit noisily. Her fingers tugged painfully at my hair, tilting my head back as she forced me to eat her out. It wasn't long before she was climaxing, her fluids spilling out over my lips. I changed from desperate sucking to gentle licks, cleaning her thoroughly. She gasped for breath, easing off me. Her fingers carded gently through my hair, soothing my stinging scalp.

“Iz,” Garrett said in a growling voice. We both turned to find him watching us with glowing golden eyes, his brow drawn down as his chest expanded rapidly.

“Yes, dear?” she asked.

“If you don't fuck my wife, I will,” my husband snarled. I moaned, arching up my body up off the bed.

“Yes,” I hissed, spreading my legs. Isabela smirked, reaching down and grabbing one of the toys.

“On your knee's, sweetness,” she cooed, gently turning me over. I got on my hands and knee's, pausing when I heard her gasp. Her hand reached out, laying lightly on my back and I tensed, shrinking away.

“No, sweet thing,” she purred, hands mapping out the scars. “Don't hide.”

“She's sensitive about her scars,” Garrett explained, standing and coming over to the bed. He took Isabela's hands and laid them flat on the skin of my back. She slowly caressed the scars, lightly dragging her nails down my back until I relaxed and stretched out beneath her.

“Get the mirror,” Isabela said. Garrett quickly turned to do as she asked, grabbing the full-length mirror from its place in the corner of the room and setting it in front of us. A hand wove in my hair, tilting my head back to face it.

“Open your eyes,” Isabela ordered. I did, my gaze landing on the glass. I was flushed, my hair a wild mess of curls, my lips swollen and wet as my breast pressed to the mattress. I could see the scars on my hips as my back arched, my rump pushed high into the air. They weren't as bad as what I remembered, the skin less wrinkled, though long ropes of puckered tissue still crisscrossed my flesh, but they were much fainter than before.

“You're going to watch as I fuck you,” Isabela said. “See how beautiful you are when I'm pounding into you.” Garrett sat back in the chair, pulling his cock out and lazily stroking it. I watched as Isabela picked up our strap-on, fastening it around her pelvis. It was a toy I'd gotten on a whim and used once on Garrett before it had been repurposed to use on me. Cullen and Garrett loved to buckle the toy into me and watch me go about my day, kept completely on edge or sometimes orgasming where I stood.  
Isabela moved behind me, pressing the tip of the toy into my folds. She gripped my hips and drove it into me, causing me to cry out. Her hand was in my hair again, pulling my head back.

“Open your eyes,” she commanded. “Watch.” I peeked my eyes open as her hips began moving, watching as he fucked me. Her lips were parted in pleasure as the toy rubbed her each time she thrust, copper eyes moving from it to the mirror to watch me. She shifted forward, her thighs spreading mine wider so I was forced to sit in her lap.

“Sit back,” she said. I did, feeling her breast against my back as she gripped my hips and urged me up. I looked over at Garrett as I began bouncing in the pirate's lap, her lips at my shoulder blades. I spied something gold and blue, giving off a faint light and scowled, opening my mouth to ask him what he had. My question was cut off when Isabela snuck one hand around us, flicking my clit with her fingers while she delivered a sharp smack to my bottom.

“Watch,” she hissed. I turned my gaze back to the mirror, watching as she fucked me, biting at my neck and forcing me down on the toy harder. It wasn't long before she let out a long moan, furiously massaging my pearl until I climaxed on the strap-on. I pulled off her lap, pushing her back on the bed hard so she sprawled out towards the headboard. She laughed, and propped herself up on her elbows, giving me a wicked grin.

“Feisty,” she purred.

“My turn,” I declared.

“Not yet, sweetness,” she said.

“Yes.” I pinned her to the bed, easing myself down on the toy still protruding from her pelvis, grinding down in a way I knew would make the little nubs along the belt rub her in just the right way. She gasped, looking at me with heavily lidded eyes.

“You're going the right way for a spanking,” she warned.

“Promise?” I panted, leaning down and trailing my tongue along her bottom lip.

“Fuck,” she swore, grabbing my hips and thrusting up into me. Her hand delivered a stinging slap to my bottom that had me moaning.

“Harder,” I begged.

“Andraste's flaming tits,” Isabela swore, bringing her hand back and aiming a punishing slap at my tender flesh. I mewled in pleasure, leaning down and sucking one of her dark nipples into my mouth.

“More,” I pleaded around the nub. “Rougher.” Her head shot toward Garrett and I heard him let out a breathless chuckle.

“Make her scream,” he said. “Make her fucking scream.” Isabela growled, grabbing my hips and rolling us until I was pinned under her. Her fingers snatched up the mass of my hair as she bent over me, her breast bouncing against my lips as her hips moved. I sucked and nipped at them, gripping her waist and pulling her closer.

“Harder,” I heard a male voice growl. “I've fucking raped her and she's begged for more.” Isabela reared back, her hand at my throat. I gasped as my air supply was cut off, only for it to come back in a rush as she released me, the pressure ever so brief. On Garrett's orders, she slapped at my breast and rump, her hand leaving angry red marks. When she laid a blow between my legs, I climaxed, jerking my hips desperately against hers until she buried her face in my neck and let out a long moan. We came down, sweat-slick skin pressed together. I was boneless against the bed and Isabela let out a groan as she pushed off me, collapsing to the side.

“Andraste's ass,” she gasped. “Will you marry me?” I laughed, rolling towards her and pressing a kiss to her throat that had her humming softly.

“Care for her,” Garrett said, breathlessly. I looked over to find his pants splashed with seed, his softening cock in his hand. Isabela hesitated for a moment before taking the toy off her hips. She turned to me, her hands moving along my sides.

“Are you...did I hurt you?” she asked. I arched a brow at this, my lips twisting into a playful grin.

“Not in any way I didn't ask for.” She rolled her eyes at my response, popping my bottom lightly with her hand.

“I'm fine,” I assured her. She nodded and began carefully pressing kisses to my neck. I let her, watching as she moved to my breast. Each mark she had left, each place she had hurt was carefully soothed by her lips until I was smiling at her sleepily. When she came back up, I pulled her down for a slow kiss, flicking her lip ring with my tongue.

“How are you doing there, Cullen?” I jerked my head towards Garrett who held up the Sending Crystal.

“That was...Andraste Preserve, me I wish I could have seen it,” came Cullens voice. “Dorian won't want this back, I've gotten my seed all over it.” I laughed, tossing my head back. Isabela joined in, giggling against my shoulder.

“I miss you,” I said.

“I know, love,” Cullen said. “I miss you, as well, both of you.”

“Meh, I could take or leave ya,” Garrett teased.

“Oh really, Hawke?” Cullen growled. “Don't want my cock in your ass?”

“Fucking ass hole,” Garrett groaned. Cullen chuckled and I shivered at the sound.

“I'll leave you to your fun,” Cullen said with a yawn. “I'm going to sleep.”

“Goodnight,” I called.

“Goodnight, ass,” Garrett grumbled.

“Goodnight,” Cullen said and the light from the crystal dimmed. Isabela game me another kiss before she climbed off the bed, pulling on her clothes.

“You could spend the night,” I offered. She shook her head, laughing softly.

“No, sweetness,” she said and I thought she sounded a bit sad. “I don't do morning afters.”

“Oh, just get in the bed, Iz,” Garrett said, rising to his feet and shedding his clothes.

“No thanks, love,” she said, pulling on her corset. She checked herself in the mirror briefly and was out the door before we could say anything else. I watched her go before looking at Garrett who was climbing into bed, naked.

"Don't think on it," he said, nodding towards the door where Isabela had just left. "She's always like that." I held out my arms, mewling in content when he pulled me against his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a little fluffy and a little kinky!


	95. The Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I meant to post this last night, but I was so fucking exhausted I just collapsed into bed. Sorry.

I laughed as Isabela spilled ale down her front, swearing as she jumped to her feet.  
  
“You're drunk,” I accused.  
  
“Fuck you,” she slurred, dabbing her front with a towel.  
  
“Stop begging,” I shot back, causing Fenris to burst out laughing. Malcolm was tucked away in his bed, sleeping peacefully after the long journey. Fenris, Isabela, Aveline, Donnic, Varric, Garrett and I all lounged in the sitting room, Orana filling their tankards while I sipped a single glass of red wine. Somehow we had begun an impromptu game of Truth or Dare and Isabela had failed to drain her glass in one go, coughing and gagging on the amber liquid till it sloshed out on her breast.  
  
“My turn,” the pirate said, cleaning her mouth off. “Okay, Madam Seer...”  
  
“Yes, dear,” I said, stretching out in Garrett's arms as his hand gently stroked my stomach.  
  
“Truth or Dare?” she asked with a wicked grin.  
  
“Truth.”  
  
“Hmmm,” Isabela's eyes roamed the room as she thought for a moment. “What is the Kinkiest thing you've ever done?”  
  
“Had a five-way once,” I said. “Two men and three women.”  
  
“Ooo, details,” Isabela insisted, leaning forward.  
  
“If this ends up in one of your books, Varric, I will personally hunt you down,” I said, shooting the dwarf a warning look.  
  
“My lips are sealed, Seer,” he assured. I leaned back against my husband, purring when his hand lifted to trace my throat.  
  
“It was just a bunch of friends, we got drunk, I was sitting in my lover's lap, making out and before I knew it, I was naked on the floor. The other's joined in and the next thing I know, I'm being fucked and licking this woman's cunny while she's licking another woman who is getting pounded. Then we switched it up and just made a big mess on the floor. Woke up the next morning and did it again with me in the middle.”  
  
“Fuck,” Isabela swore, her pupils dilated. Garrett hummed, grinding against my rump as he kissed my shoulder.  
  
“I would not mind seeing that,” my husband growled, putting light pressure on my neck.  
  
“Behave,” I told him, tilting my head back against his shoulder. He released me, his hand moving back down to my stomach.  
  
“Truth or Dare...Fenris,” I called out. The elf's head turned towards me and he arched a brow.  
  
“Dare,” he said. I sat up, grinning giddily. My mind worked furiously, trying to figure out what I could get the stoic man to do before settling on something.  
  
“Strip down to your smalls and run outside for thirty seconds.”  
  
“You're not serious," he deadpanned, his brows furrowing.  
  
“Chicken,” I accused. He swore and stood, taking off his armor and breeches until only his smalls remain, barely covering him. He walked to the door, taking a deep breath and dashing out into the freezing night. I loudly counted as I heard him swear, giggling as I did.  
  
“Count FASTER woman!” he barked. I kept my pace, unperturbed by his ire until I loudly declared;  
  
“THIRTY!” The shivering elf rushed back inside, darting to the fire as we all roared with laughter. He quickly put his clothes back on, shooting me a glare.  
  
“Truth or Dare Varric,” Fenris said.  
  
“Truth,” Varric said. “I am not falling for that one.”  
  
“What is the most outlandish rumor you've heard?” Fenris asked.  
  
“Besides the one about Hawke fucking a dragon?” Varric asked and my husband choked on his ale, turning his head away from me.  
  
“Okay, outlandish, but probable,” Fenris corrected.  
  
“I heard an interesting rumor the other day,” Varric hummed, his gold eyes darting to me and Garrett. “Word is, Commander Cullen has been joining our Seer and Champion for some fun. In fact, a soldier claims he knows the child you carry isn't your husbands.”  
  
“Hasn't that rumor been going around since before I got pregnant with Malcom,” I asked.  
  
“Yeah,” Varric admitted, but his honeyed eyes shifted to me. “But I must admit, the Commander seems...different lately.”  
  
I merely smiled, snuggling back against my spouse. Isabela looked over at Varric, suddenly tense.  
  
“Your turn, Varric,” she said.  
  
“Truth or Dare...Garrett,” he said with a smirk. Garrett took a long drink of his ale, smacked his lips and gave a little grunt.  
  
“Dare,” he answered. The game continued for a while longer before the group left, wishing us a good night. I stood at the door, waving to them, before turning to Garrett.  
  
“You miss him?” he asked as I closed the door.  
  
“Yes,” I said, walking back to the sitting room. “So do you.”  
  
“I do,” he agreed. “I'm trying to hurry.”  
  
“I know,” I soothed, “I don't blame you. Maybe we can call him with the Sending Crystal.” Garrett gave me a strange smile and I looked up at him curiously, wondering why he grinned at me so. I suddenly sensed someone behind me, but before I could turn, strong arms wrapped around me and the smell of Oakmoss filled my nose. I melted into those arms, tilting my head and mewling as lips rough with stubble teased behind my ear.  
  
“You don't have to,” came Cullen's husky voice. My skin became hypersensitive as he cupped my breast, rubbing my nipples through my top. I tilted my head back to see him grinning down at me, watching my face with rapt attention.  
  
“Miss me?” he asked. I suddenly burst into tears, unable to help myself. He let out a sympathetic laugh, turning me and hugging me tightly to his chest. His beard was a little more grown out than usual, his clothes smelled like the ocean and he looked like he hadn't slept well in days. I buried my face in his neck, weeping openly as I clutched his shirt in my hands.  
  
“Awwwe, baby,” Garrett cooed, moving towards us and rubbing my back. “I thought you'd be happy.”  
  
“I am!” I wailed into Cullen's shirt. “I don't know why I'm crying!”  
  
“Hormones?” Cullen asked, leaning back to look at my face.  
  
“I don't know,” I sobbed.  
  
“Let's get her to bed,” Garrett said to Cullen who guided me up the stairs. I sat on the bed between them, slowly calming as they petted and kissed me. I watched as Cullen pressed kisses to my slightly rounded stomach as he tugged my breeches off. Garrett pulled my tunic over my head, working on my breast band next. My smalls joined my breeches and soon I was naked between them.  
  
“I can't wait until you get all big and round,” Cullen growled, amber eyes locking with mine as he continued to place kisses on the skin of my stomach.  
  
“Pervert,” I accused.  
  
“Fuck, it was so hot when she was pregnant with Malcolm,” Garrett moaned. “Remember?”  
  
“Yes,” Cullen hissed. “Maker, I got hard whenever she even hugged me.”  
  
“She's was so horney,” Garrett said. “Not that I minded.”  
  
“Andraste, I remember walking in on you two.” Garrett laughed, falling back to the bed.  
  
“I thought you were going to faint,” the Champion teased.  
  
“I almost did!” Cullen groaned, his hand over his eyes.  
  
“Mmmm, this time you get to join in,” Garrett purred. “Towards the end of her pregnancy...Maker's breath. I wouldn't even ask if she wanted sex. I'd just lift her skirt and fuck her.” Cullen's breath caught in his throat and his pupils dilated.  
  
“But what if...” he began, looking at me.  
  
“She has her safeword,” Garrett said, flippantly.  
  
“I don't know,” Cullen said, hesitantly. “I...if it's mine...I want to be careful with her.”  
  
“We can tell whose it is,” I said. Two pair's of gold eyes locked on me.  
  
“What?”  
  
“How?” Cullen asked.  
  
“A spell,*” I laughed. “It's easy. Babae told me. Wanna do it?”  
  
“Yes,” Cullen replied immediately.  
  
“Okay,” I said, standing up and going to the far side of the room. “You two, take opposite sides of the room.” I watched as they did, casting a glyph on the floor. I focused my mana, watching a smoke rose up from the glyph, twisting in the air before wrapping around my body.  
  
“Garrett,” I called. “Come here.” My husband stepped towards me, stopping a few feet from me. I watched the smoke, noting how it remained clinging to me and shook my head.  
  
“Step back and Cullen, you take his place.” Cullen swallowed, pausing for a breath before he slowly moved towards me. The moment he was close enough, the smoke darted out, winding around him. He grew pale and collapsed back into the desk chair. I stood there, waving my hand to halt the spell.  
  
“Fuck,” he swore.  
  
“Cullen,” Garrett said warningly. “Watch what you say.”  
  
“I'm sorry,” Cullen said, looking at me even as his head hung.  
  
“Why?” I asked in a soft voice.  
  
“For any pain this will cause you,” he said. “If she's born de-....if she....I...fuck...”  
  
“I will still love you,” I said, walking over to him and kneeling between his legs. He had his head in his hands, his eyes filled with tears. His lips moved rapidly in a prayer, the words so low I almost couldn't hear them.  
  
“Cullen,” Garrett said sharply. The former Templar looked up, his eyes flitting to Garrett then me.  
  
“Talk to us,” I urged. “We love you. Talk to us.”  
  
“I love you, so much,” he said in a low voice. “I can't bear the thought that...that I would hurt you so.”  
  
“You wouldn't,” I said. “I love you, Cullen, more than...much more than you know. I love your child. And I will hold her in my body and arms, for however long the Maker allows. There is a purpose for everything. Maybe she...” I paused, looking back at Garrett. His eyes shone with tears and he moved to kneel beside me, reaching up and wrapping one arm around Cullen's hunched back before winding the other over my shoulders.  
  
“....maybe...maybe her purpose is...to make us realize just how much we love you,” I said. Cullen grew still.  
  
“What?”  
  
“We love you,” Garrett said. “I love you. She loves you. We want...we want you forever...”  
  
“I don't understand....” Cullen said. Garrett laughed, pulling back and, taking a handful of my hair in a vicious grip, shoved me forward, arching my back so I let out a wanton moan.  
  
“It means, this little slut is now your wife. So we need to make new rules.”  
  
“Like?” Cullen asked. Garrett pushed my face into Cullens crotch and I mouthed him through his pants, my saliva wetting the fabric.  
  
“No more fucking witherstalk,” Garrett said. “First of all, it stinks. I gag every time she uncorks a vial. Second, she got moody as shit...”  
  
“Hey!” came my muffled, indignant cry.  
  
“You did,” Garrett said.  
  
“Just a little,” Cullen admitted.  
  
“Sorry,” I whimpered.  
  
“Third, I want more kids,” Garrett said. “And I don't give a shit whose kid it is.”  
  
“You're serious?” Cullen asked, unsure.  
  
“Yes,” Garrett said. “You love Malcolm, don't you?”  
  
“Of course!” Cullen said, offended at the prospect that he didn't. “I adore him. I was there when he was born. I...I can't imagine life without him...or...or you....”  
I pulled back, Garrett releasing my hair. I crawled into Cullen's lap, arching my back and tucking my knee's beside his thighs. His chin rested on my breast, honey-colored eyes meeting mine.  
  
“Marry us?” I asked. Cullen's eyes grew impossibly wide, his jaw dropping open as much as my breast would allow. He pushed back into the chair, his jaw shutting with a click of teeth.  
  
“I...Maker....are....what?” I laughed and stood, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. Garrett followed, a chuckle on his lips.  
  
“I don't...people will talk.” Cullen looked at us worriedly.  
  
“So maybe no big ceremony,” I said. “But...I mean....you can say no...” I was suddenly unsure, acutely aware how this would go over and wondering if the stigma would be too much to bear.  
  
“We wouldn't have to tell anyone,” I said. “It would just be for us. I know it would be seen as strange and unnatural. Our friends would know. I mean....” I sighed, looking at the ground.  
  
“I thought I was supposed to propose,” Cullen chuckled. I peered up at him, chewing my lip.  
  
“So?” Garrett asked, looking at Cullen expectantly. “I'm dying here, man. Do I get to wear a dress?” He gripped Cullen's arm and rested his head on his shoulder, fawning over him.  
  
“Oh Maker, that's a disturbing image,” Cullen groaned.  I collapsed against the Commander's chest, shrieking with laughter.  
  
“This means there's no way in the Void I could go back to being a Templar now,” he chuckled. “I've just broken their last rule. No marrying mages.”  
I danced happily, jumping up and wrapping my arms around his neck while my legs locked around his waist. I kissed him deeply, my tongue seeking out his. He gave a grunt, stumbling to the bed and pinning me to it.  
  
“Do we have any of that herb?” Cullen panted out.  
  
“Yeah, why?” Garrett asked, pausing in his stripping.  
  
“Because we're gonna need it.” The words were growled against my throat before Cullen opened his mouth and bit down, making me moan. Garrett smirked and kicked off his pants, running over to our toy chest. He pulled out a small pouch, breaking off a bit of the root into his palm. He handed some to Cullen who popped it in his mouth, rapidly chewing it. I giggled in delight as they quickly began stripping. Cullen pulled Garrett to him, devouring his mouth, gripping a handful of black hair in his fist. I watched them, slipping my hand between my legs and trailing my fingers along my wet lips. They pulled away panting, Garrett's gaze flicking to me.  
  
“Hey, Cull, look,” he said, nudging the other man. Cullen looked over at me, smirking.  
  
“Isn't that a lovely sight?” Cullen purred.  
  
“It is....let's wreck her.”  
  
“She's getting that belt inside her tomorrow...if she can handle it.” Cullen's eyes gleamed and I yelped, crawling backward on the bed. The commander reached out lightning fast, seizing my ankle and dragging me back.  
  
“No you don't!” he cried with a laugh. I squealed, watching as Garrett began tossing toys from the trunk towards the bed.  
  
“I'm fucked,” I whimpered.  
  
“Not yet,” Cullen growled in my ear. “You will be.”  
I lay back as the spreader bar was fastened to my thighs, my ankles chained to the cuffs at my thighs. The mop of curls was tied atop my head while my hands were chained to the cross-section over the bed.  A blindfold was secured around my eyes, the world growing dark.  
  
“I have an idea,” Garrett chirped and I could hear the two men whispering to each other, chuckling now and again.  
  
“That bad?” Garrett suddenly asked.  
  
“I really want to...to hurt her...”  
  
“Fuck...yes...” I moaned, bouncing my hips.  
  
“Cullen here was just telling me how violent he was feeling,” Garrett purred. “You've been feeling rather violent yourself, haven't you?”  
  
“Yessssss,” I hissed.  
  
“Well then,” Garrett said. “Her safe word is Elfroot, mine is Darkspawn and yours is Gallows. No holds bar?”  
  
“Please,” I whined, straining towards the sound of their voices, giving my wrists a hard tug. Warm hands removed my blindfold, dropping it to my neck. I looked up at Cullen who smiled, his lips tenderly brushing over mine.  
  
“I love you,” he said.  
  
“I love you, too,” I replied. “And you, Garrett.”  
  
“I love you, baby,” my husband said with a tender smile. “And you, you asshole.”  
  
“It was funny,” Cullen said with a smirk.  
  
“Except that you got me hard and she couldn't take another pounding,” Garrett grumbled, still annoyed over Cullen's teasing after Isabela had fucked me. Cullen reached out, gripping Garrett's hair again and kissing him, his free hand dropping down and pressing against his back entrance.  
  
“I'm gonna fuck your wife,” the Commander hissed.  
  
“Yes, please,” Garrett cooed, gripping Cullen's cock.  
  
“Suck me,” Cullen snarled. I watched as Garrett dropped to his knee's taking the other man in his mouth and bobbing his head. He wrapped his fingers around what he couldn't fit in his mouth, trying to relax his throat.  
  
“Fuck, haven't done this in a while,” Garrett panted as he pulled off Cullen's cock.  
  
“Just keep going,” Cullen moaned. Garrett took the cock back in his mouth and I watched as my lover bucked his hips, fucking my husband's mouth. I shifted my hips, rubbing my slit against the blanket, unable to take my eyes off them.  
  
“Fuck, suck it, Mage,” Cullen hissed between his teeth. “Get it nice and wet for your little witch over there.” I gasped, shivering at the words. I knew what kind of night this was going to be if we were playing that game. Cullen jerked Garrett off his cock, pushing him aside.  
  
“Is this the kind of thing apostates get up to?” Cullen asked, motioning to me.  
  
“We were just having fun,” Garrett panted tongue flicking out along his swollen lips. “My wife likes to be tied up. And...Maker, how can I resist her? Please, just let us go.” Cullen appeared to consider it, eyeing me for a moment before walking over and idly picking up the clamps.  
  
“We'll see,” he said, fastening them onto my nipples. The blindfold was tugged back into place as I heard Cullen messing around with the toys. My hips were urged up and something was slid between my legs before I was eased back down. I froze when I realized what it was. Two rubber toys were affixed to an upholstered piece of wood that curved along my body. If I rocked my hips I would either push forward on the toy in my cunny or back on the one in my ass. Both toys weren't very big, not coming anywhere near the size of the men in the room, but were no less enjoyable. When my pelvis pressed against the base, I heard Garrett let out a strangled moan.  
  
“You like this one, do you?” Cullen sneered. My skin tingled as I felt leather strips tease over it and realized it was the cat-o-nine tails. My back tensed, but the blow, when it came, landed on my thigh. I cried out, arching my back, my hips shifting on the toy. Again and Again, the leather straps struck my flesh, leaving burning trails in their wake. Each time I lurched forward, I impaled my pussy on the toy, my clit pressing to the ribbed base. There was a pause before I felt a teasing caress along my spine.  
  
“Do you know what this is witch?” Cullen asked. I shook my head and Cullen moved to my front, lifting my blindfold. My eyes focused before me, taking in the long strip of wood in his hand that, oddly enough, appeared to be a polished switch.  
  
“I made it just for you,” he said in a taunting voice, though I knew what he actually meant. He had made it for me, probably just before he left Skyhold to join us, intending to see if I would be all right with such a thing.  
  
“No,” I moaned, my hips never stopping. The cloth was tugged back over my eyes, and he moved behind me. I felt the familiar hands of my husband on my thighs as slick lips pressed to my stomach.  
  
The first lash from the thing was gentle, barely tickling, to be honest. I waited, feeling the next one hit with more force. Garrett trailed sweet kisses up my body, stopping at my breast.  
  
"She's leaking," he said to Cullen.  
  
"Then drink it," Cullen snarled. Garrett chuckled and pressed his tongue to my nipple, his lips slowly wrapping around the bud. He gave a hard suck and I whimpered at the feeling.  
  
Slowly the pace picked up until it was perfect, the sting of the whip just enough pain for the blinding euphoria. My hips moved faster, desperate for release but having been trained to well to be able to do it without being commanded. Garrett took great gulps of milk, turning his head now and again to get a better angle. I heard him grunting and panting, his fingers moving between my legs to rub my clit.  
  
“Harder!” I cried out and the next plow lashed across my shoulder, making me gasp.  
  
“Fuck, harder...”  
  
“No,” Cullen said, his hand smoothing over my stinging skin. I sobbed in frustration, twisting in the chains. Garrett stepped back as he gripped my hips. I was pushed up and the toy slid out from between my legs. The cuffs were released from the chain that held them over my head, though my wrists remained bound. I didn't move, unsure if my legs would even work at this point. The spreader bar was removed and the chains keeping my ankles to my thighs unhooked.  Hands moved me to the edge of the bed where I was encouraged to stand, strong arms holding me steady.  
  
“All right?” Cullen asked softly. I nodded, leaning into him. I felt him sit down, pulling me into his lap. I felt his cock slide into me and the moment my clit was flush against his pelvis, I climaxed.  
  
“Fuck, your slut wife just came from me putting it in,” Cullen hissed. Garrett moaned and wove his fingers in my hair, jerking my head back.  
  
“Fucking whore,” he snarled in my ear. “You fucking came on Templar cock?”  
  
“Ahn...sorry!” I gasped.  
  
“Take her,” Garrett sneered, throwing me forward into Cullen's chest.  
  
“Hear that?” Cullen taunted, rolling us so I was on my back, my legs dangling over the side of the bed.  
  
“Nooo,” I moaned. Brutal doesn't even begin to describe the punishing way Cullen fucked me, wrenching one orgasm after another from me until I was hoarse from screaming. Cullen's hand rhythmically tightened on my throat, his other hand slapping my bouncing breast. Garrett knelt on the bed beside us, pushing my legs up so I was trapped, forced to take everything.  
  
“Fuck, cum again you whore,” the commander growled and I did, my channel spasming hard around his cock as he pumped me full for the third time.  
  
“You,” Cullen barked and Garrett paused. “Fuck me.” Garrett let out a breathy swear and the bed creaked as his weight shifted. The blindfold was torn from my eyes, the slipknot unfurling easily. I watched as Garrett carefully prepared the commander, his hand moving slowly. I looped my arms around my lover's neck, pulling him down for a distracting kiss while Garrett slid inside the other man. Cullen tensed for a moment, but I clenched down on his cock and his hips gave a little jerk. Garrett slid in, moaning into the former Templar's shoulder.  
  
“Okay?” I asked.  
  
“Yeah,” he hissed. “Give me a moment.” We waited, showering Cullen with kisses and caresses before he gave a nod to Garrett, who began an easy pace, slowly letting the other male adjust to the feeling. After a time, Cullen was moving on his own, thrusting back into Garrett before slamming into me. Garrett moaned as he rolled his hips, letting our lover set the pace.  
  
“I'm knocking up your little wife, mage,” Cullen sneered. “How do you like that?”  
  
“Fuck, she's such a whore,” Garrett panted, biting at Cullen's neck. “She spreads her legs for Templar cock all the time. How'd you think we escaped?”  
  
“You won't escape again,” Cullen snarled. “You're staying in the tower. And whenever I want, I'm going to pin you to the nearest thing I can find and fuck you.” Garrett and I both groaned at the image and began to move faster against him. We all climaxed, my womb flooded with even more seed so that my thighs were smeared with his.  
  
“I want her ass,” Cullen said, pulling out of me. “Get on the bed, mage.” Garrett pulled out of Cullen, grabbing a flannel and cleaning off the lube on his cock before laying on the bed, legs spread wide and knee's bent. Cullen moved me onto my husband's hips where I was impaled on his cock, my seed soaked pussy stretched open once more. Cullen pushed me down to Garrett's chest where the raven-haired male gripped my hips, holding me still as the other male pushed into my back entrance, using his own cum as lubricant. I gasped and struggled at the feeling of being so full, biting into Garrett's shoulder.  
  
“Maker's breath, I can feel you,” Cullen said to Garrett. Cullen began moving and once again I was at his mercy, the pace set by him and squeezed between the two men, my legs spread so far I had no choice in movement. The chain on the cuffs broke as I wrenched my hands apart, I reached back, seizing a handful of Cullen's hair and pulling him forward. His teeth sunk into the skin of my shoulder as his hand lightly cupped my throat. I gripped the back of Garrett's head with my free hand and he rose up, his elbow bent behind him for balance as his other arm wrapped around my ribs. His mouth found the breast he had neglected before, biting harshly as my nipples before sucking them firmly so my milk flowed out. I climaxed again, passing out between them, only to be awoken by another orgasm rolling through me. I lost track of everything, how many orgasms I had, how long we'd been at this, any pain or discomfort. Only the most blinding pleasure rolled through me until both men collapsed, Cullen carefully rolling to the side so as not to crush me.  
  
“How are you doing, baby?” Garrett asked.  
  
“Dead,” I replied. The two men laughed, taking the last of the retrains off my limp body.  
  
“I can't believe you broke these,” Cullen sighed as he pulled the cuffs from my wrist.  
  
“It's the fucking third pair,” Garrett groused, eyeing the destroyed chain.  
  
“ _Third_?!”  
  
“It's a weak chain,” I sighed. Cullen and I snuggled down into the mattress, exhausted while Garrett tossed the toys in the chest, muttering about cleaning them later. I pillowed my head on the Commander's shoulder, smiling when Garrett spooned against my back, his arm over Cullen's waist. Cullen's arm stretched out, his fingers stroking Garrett's silky hair.  
  
“Love you both,” I sighed.  
  
“Me too,” Garrett mumbled.  
  
“Me three,” Cullen yawned and I snickered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This sounds like a cheesy cheaty troupe, but it's a legit spell in one of the Dragon Age comics. You guys have no idea the amount of research that went into making this story as "Canon" as possible.


	96. Dream Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the late post!

Strong fingers massaged my thighs, working the tightness out of the muscles as I lay in bed, my hips propped up on a pillow. Cullen looked at me worriedly as he kneaded my thighs.

“I went too far,” he said. 

“No, you didn't,” I insisted. “Stop it, Cullen, just _stop_. I'm a grown ass woman who is well aware of her boundaries and knows when to stop.”

“You can't bleedin' _walk_!” Cullen cried.

“That doesn't mean you went too far,” I shot back. “You think this is the first time I've been fucked until I can't walk? _Ha_! The best, but not the first my dearest love.”

“She's fine,” Garrett said from the doorway. “But that shouldn't be a regular thing.”

“Are you kidding?” I huffed. “That _was_...”

“Intense and you spent an _hour_ crying,” Garrett finished. “You're covered in bruises and welts and _pregnant_.”

“ _But_...”

“ _No_ ,” Cullen said firmly. “I know you like being hurt, we like hurting you, but that was intense, like he said.”

“Baby, what's this about?” Garrett asked, stretching out beside me on the bed, his hand cupping my cheek. “I haven't said anything, but you've been getting really violent lately. It's like I can't hurt you enough and I'm worried.”

“I've noticed as well,” Cullen said. “If you need pain, we will give it....but I have a feeling there's something _more_ to this.”

“I...I'm so happy,” I said, tears springing to my eyes at the twin golden gazes locked on me, clouded with concern. “I'm _scared_....”

“Why?” Cullen asked, reaching out and stroking my cheek.

“I'm scared I'll wake up and this will all be a dream,” I said. “I'll be back in my world...without you two, without Malcolm and Gethorn and Babae...without...” I swallowed, tears slipping down my cheeks despite my best effort.

“The pain, it reminds me that this is real. You're real. Malcolm is real. Babae and Gethorn are both real. When I wake up and the first thing I feel is pain...it lets me know when I open my eyes, you'll be there.” Gentle hands took mine, one guiding my palm to rest on Cullen's chest while the other curved my fingers around his cheek.

“I know what you mean,” the commander said. “But feel me. I'm _real_ , I'm here. Feel my heart beating.” I traced my fingers along the contours of his face as his heart thumped steadily against my palm. 

“You weren't like this when you were pregnant with Malcolm,” Garrett said, sitting up more so I was pressed to his chest. My lashes fluttered as his gentle fingertips brushed over the curve of my cheekbone. “What's different?”

“I guess I was always on the go then,” I said. “I didn't have time to be afraid. I didn't...I didn't think about it, then. I don't _know_!”

“Shhhh, it's okay, don't get upset,” Garrett soothed. “I remember that you were usually up before I was, all ready dressed and out the door by the time I rolled out of bed. What if...what if we wake you up?”

“What?” I asked, sniffling.

“Yeah,” Garrett hummed. “If we wake you up and you hear our voices, you'll know where you are.”

“It helps me,” Cullen said. “I haven't slept well since you two left.”

“From now on, when Cullen or I get out of bed, we'll kiss you awake and tell you how hot and sexy you are and...” I laughed, pushing my husband's chin so he had to tilt his head back, a grin on his lips.

“There's my girl,” he cooed as he jerked his face from my hands and looked down at me. “There's my happy girl.” I giggled, shaking my head.

“I'll wake you up like I do my recruits,” Cullen chuckled. “Bang a sword on a shield and starting yelling.”

“Oh, I'd kill you!” I cried, pushing him playfully. “That is so mean!”

“I think I could take you,” Cullen said.

“Wanna _go_ , chantry boy?” I taunted.

“Baby, you can't walk,” Garrett pointed out as Cullen cuddled into my other side, laughing. “I think he could take you with _both_ hands behind his back.”

“How would he swing his sword with both hands behind his back?” I asked.

“Put it between my teeth and swing my head like a rabid mabari,” Cullen growled, shaking his head and making guttural snarls. I dissolved into a fit of laughter, kicking my feet as tears leaked from my eyes.

“Oh shit, that broke her,” Garrett said as I slapped the mattress.

“She's not even making noise anymore,” Cullen chuckled. 

“I'm gonna pee!” I squealed. “Help! I need to pee!”

“Oh shit!” Garrett sprang to his feet, sweeping me into his arms and rushing me over to the chamber pot. Cullen rolled on the bed, roaring with laughter as liquid hit the pot in a staggering rhythm, my laughter causing it to halt and start again.

“She's broke,” Garrett sighed, flopping back on the floor. “We broke our wife. Now we're fucked.”

“Mmmm, nah, she's not broke,” Cullen hummed. “She's perfect. Beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, amazing...”

“Laughing _and_ peeing at the same time,” Garrett said, watching me. “You also forgot that she's powerful and a bad ass warrior, an amazing mother, an incredible wife...”

“Oh gods, shut up,” I gasped out, grabbing the cloth to clean myself. I let Garrett move me back to the bed where I snuggled down into the blankets, letting my eyes drift shut as Cullen rested his head in my lap. I carded my fingers through his hair, smiling when he kissed my arm as it moved near his face.

“Mmm, as nice as this is,” Garrett hummed from his place cuddled into my side. “I have to go take care of some things.” I pouted, but Garrett laughed, shaking his head as he pressed a kiss to my lips.

“No, my love,” he said. “I'll be back later.” Garrett stood and walked to the other side of the bed, flopping down on Cullen who grunted at the sudden weight.

“You are _way_ too heavy to be doing that,” Cullen groaned, wrapping his arms around Garrett. My husband merely grinned and kissed our lover, before standing and leaving. Cullen moved up to my side, pulling me to his chest.

“I'm real,” he said after a time. “You know that, right? What kind of imagination you must have to create me, not to mention everyone else, if I'm not.” I paused, chewing my lip. 

“Cullen...” I began. I reached to the bedside table, taking up my phone. He looked at it curiously. Cullen had never really cared for the device, finding it too strange. He liked that it played music and took pictures, but he mostly left it alone unlike Garrett who enjoyed toying with it. I opened the locked folder and began to explain to him, just as I had to Garrett and Solas, what this world had been to me and how I knew it. Pictures, video's, saved wiki pages flashed before his eyes and he remained silent, staring at it. I explained how I had romanced him in the games, how I had played as Garrett, how I had been the Warden and saved Thedas, worried when his expression remained neutral. When I finished, I set the phone aside and placed my hands in my lap.

“Are you angry?” I asked.

“A little,” he admitted. “Why didn't you tell us?”

“It would have been so hard to explain and without the phone, I didn't have proof,” I said. “And it made it seem...it made my knowledge sound less valuable.”

“You said once that when you changed too much, there were consequences,” Cullen said. “What consequences?”

“At Haven, I helped save the civilians. Gethorn almost died, I almost died. In the game...he made it on his own without my help, but...”

“He wouldn't have,” Cullen finished. “Gethorn would have died if not for you.” I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. Cullen stared at me, sudden realization dawning.

“It's why you're getting violent,” he said. “Because...oh, love...” He took me in his arms, holding me to his chest and kissing me soundly.

“Does Garrett know?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I told him before we were married.” His arms tightened around me and I felt a sob spill from my lips.

“Are you angry I lied?” I whimpered.

“Yes,” he said, honestly. I moved to push away from him but he didn't release me.

“Well...no...that's not the right word,” he mused. “More hurt that you didn't trust me with the truth. I understand why you wouldn't tell everyone, it's a bit hard to grasp. I just thought you trusted me more than that.”

“At first I thought you would be angry with me and lock me up again,” I said. “Then I just didn't know how to tell you.” Cullen was silent and I could tell he was trying to process it all. I hesitantly looped an arm around his waist, resting my hand against his back.

“I love you,” I said softly, my eyes clenched tightly, waiting for his rejection and anger. He pulled away slightly and I could feel his gaze on me, though I kept my eyes closed.

“Hey,” he said in a soft voice and I opened my eyes, meeting his amber gaze. He stared into my eyes, lips slowly twisting into a smile.

“So...you romanced me?” I couldn't help it. I began laughing, softly at first but soon I was rolling away from him, my hands over my face and my knee's pulled up, my face beet red.

“That's the _first_ thing you ask?” I cried. He leered at me, reaching over and pinning me to the bed.

"No, no, no," he growled playfully. "You don't get to tell me something like that and not _explain_ it!"

"This is _so_ embarrassing!" I gasped, turning my head away.

" _So_...you had a crush on me?" he urged.

"Yes! Okay! I had a little girly _crush_ on you!" I huffed. "Since the first game, when you were just a new recruit and so cute and nervous. Even when you said stupid shit in Kirkwall, I knew you were just traumatized and you'd change your mind."

“Did you enjoy the _naughty_ scenes?” he asked, nuzzling my neck.

“ _Very_ much so,” I purred. “Getting thrown down on your desk was my _favorite_ part.”

“When we get back to Skyhold, I'll have to make sure the real thing is _better_ ,” he growled. "How _was_ it meeting the real thing?" I flushed again, turning my head to the side.

"Oh _come on!_ " He huffed and he sounded oddly like Garrett. "I've been pining over you for _two years_. You have _got_ to tell me." I let out a soft laugh, looking up at him shyly.

"I remember thinking that the games hadn't done you justice and you were very handsome." I chewed my lower lip nervously.

"Why didn't you let me know?" Cullen asked.

"I didn't think you'd want me and I didn't want to make things awkward between us if you didn't feel the same," I said. Cullen stared at me for a moment before he pressed his lips to mine in an almost suffocating kiss.

“You forgive me?” I asked when he pulled away. He sat back, running his fingers through his hair.

“In the end, the only thing you lied about was how you knew,” he said. “You were upfront with all of us about who you were and your knowledge on all things, even the eventual likely outcome. I can't be angry that you didn't feel like going into a big convoluted explanation every time you met someone new.”

“But you are angry.” I fingered the collar of his shirt, looking at his chest.

“Just a little hurt,” he said. “ _But_ I understand.”

“I love you,” I said again, holding out my arms to him. He eased his weight down on top of me, making sure to angle his body away from my stomach and legs.

“I love _you_ , my little Seer,” he teased.

“Mamae!” came a little voice from the door. “Mamae, want in!”

“Coming,” Cullen said, rising to open the door. There was a pause then;

“ _Unka Cullen_!?”

I laughed as Cullen flung open the door and swept the child into his arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Hello my little warrior,” he cooed, stroking the mess of black hair. Malcolm nuzzled into the man's neck, chatting happily about this and that before hazel eyes landed on me. He looked at Cullen, concerned.

“Mamae hurt?” he asked.

“Yeah, she's not feeling well,” Cullen said. “She going to be resting today.”

“Baby okay?”

“Yes, dear,” I assured. “Your sister is fine.” Malcolm squirmed down from the commander's arms and clamored up on the bed. He snuggled into my side, popping his thumb in his mouth.

“Stop,” Cullen scolded. “You're getting too big to suck your thumb. Your nameday is in a few months.” Malcolm fussed, glaring at Cullen.

“Malcolm,” I scolded. “Uncle Cullen is right. You're going to mess up your teeth. I thought you said you were too old for your binky.”

“Am,” Malcolm said. “Not this.” I sighed, prying his thumb from his mouth.

“It's bad for you,” I said. “Stop, please.” He huffed but didn't return his finger to his mouth, pressing his face into my breast. Cullen kissed his forehead, stroking his hair back. Cullen looked at my sleepy face and hefted the toddler into his arms.

“Come,” he said. “Let's get you dressed and fed, then I'll take you around Kirkwall.” Malcolm nodded and I bid the two farewell, smiling when Malcolm pressed a smacking kiss to Cullen's cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tee hee


	97. Going To The Chapel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last one for the night.

“You'll never hit your enemy like that,” Cullen said, his hands on his hips as he stared at Malcolm who wildly swung the practice sword. “And you!” he turned to Dog who was wagging his tail, a drool covered ball in his mouth. “You're supposed to dodge, not catch! If that were a fireball you'd be dead!” I laughed, shaking my head.

“You're not really familiar with how this works, are you?” I questioned. Cullen spun around, worry furrowing his brows as he raced to my side, one hand on my back.

“What are you doing up?” he asked. 

“I'm feeling better,” I said. “And restless.” Cullen eased me into one of the wooden lawn chairs, fussing over my skirts.

“Mamae! I command armies! GRRRR!” I laughed as my son's lips twisted in a snarl, the expression not fitting his cherub face.

“That's my job,” Cullen said. “I command Mamae's armies.”

“Me, too!” Malcolm declared with a shriek. Malcolm raced over to Cullen, scaling him like he was a mountain. Cullen laughed, gripping Malcolm's belt and swinging him in the air.

“Aye, pup,” he said. “You too then.”

“Mamae?” Malcolm said, looking at me.

“Yes, my sweet?” I asked.

“When baby be here?”

“It'll be several months,” Cullen explained, swinging the child up to perch on his forearm. “The baby has to grow bigger, then Mamae is going to bring it into the world.”

“Does it hurt?” Malcolm asked worriedly.

“It does,” I said. “But it's fine. Nothing Mamae can't handle.” Malcolm shifted in Cullen's arms, looking unsure.

“Hey,” Cullen said gently. “Don't worry. Me and your Babae are going to take good care of Mamae and your little sister. It'll be all right.”

“Okay,” Malcolm said.

“There you guys are!” We all turned to find Garrett strolling towards us, a smile on his face. He took Malcolm from Cullen's arms and placed a loud kiss on his cheek, grinning at us.

“My lovely wife is looking better,” he commented.

“I'm fine,” I said. “Still a tad sore, but all right.” Garrett sat down on one of the chairs, placing Malcolm on his feet before him.

“My darling child,” he cooed, reaching out and musing his hair. “We have some things to talk about.”

“I didn't do it,” Malcolm immediately said.

“Do what?” Garrett asked, eyeing the boy suspiciously.

“Nuffin',” Malcolm said. 

“You're not in trouble,” Cullen assured.

“Yet,” Garrett snorted. Cullen nudged Garrett and the mage shook his head. “Anyway, Mamae and Babae have something to tell you. You know how Mamae's gonna have a baby?”

“Yeah,” Malcolm said, looking over to me. I smiled at him, my hand cupping my stomach.

“Mamae is having Uncle Cullen's baby,” Garrett said with a smile. Malcolm blinked, looking at Cullen.

“Why?” he asked, confused.

“Because Mamae and Babae love Uncle Cullen,” Garrett explained. “Like we love each other. So, Mamae and Babae have decided to marry Uncle Cullen.” Malcolm seemed puzzled by this, his little head tilting to the side as he stared at Cullen.

“What are you thinking, my love?” I asked.

“If Mamae is married to Babae...and she marry's Unka Cullen...Still Unka?” Malcolm asked.

“Well, that depends on you,” I said. “If you wish, you can call him 'Papa' or you can call him Uncle Cullen.”

“'Papa' shorter,” Malcolm mused.

“It is.”

“Okay,” Malcolm chirped. “Will call 'Papa'.”

“Malcolm.” My son turned to face me, his large eyes staring at me curiously. I crooked my finger at him, watching him toddle towards us.

“Let me ask you something, and I want you to answer me honestly, can you do that?” A slow nod, his hands twisting together nervously.

“Babae told you what we had planned, but how do you feel about that?” I asked. “When Babae said that we were going to marry Papa...how do you feel about that.” Malcolm shrugged, catching his lip between his teeth.

“All right?” 

“Are you asking me or telling me?” I questioned.

“This is...not normal, right Mamae?” he asked, carefully.

“No, my dearest, it's not,” I said. “But that doesn't mean anything.”

“You love Papa like you love Babae?” I nodded my head, a smile teasing my lips. “Babae love Papa like love you?” Garrett nodded and Malcolm's large eyes moved to Cullen.

“Love Mamae and Babae?”

“More than I can say,” Cullen answered. Malcolm paused, his expression becoming a tad distressed.

“Love me?” he asked. Cullen reached down, sweeping the child into his arms and placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Since you were born, pup,” he said.

“Even with baby coming?” I rose to my feet, reaching out and stroking my son's hair.

“We will still love you with the baby,” I explained. “We didn't stop loving Gethorn when you were born, we won't stop loving you when your sister is born.”

“Aren't you supposed to help me command Mamae's armies?” Cullen asked, arching a brow.

“Yeah!” Malcolm crowed.

“I was there when you were born,” Cullen said.

“You covered your eyes,” I laughed.

“Not the whole time,” he said. “I watched you throw that vase at Dorian.”

“He still hasn't let her live that down,” Garrett said. Cullen snickered at this, shifting Malcolm to his hip and wrapping an arm around my waist. His lips pressed against mine in a slow kiss that Malcolm recoiled from.

“Ew! Babae, make 'em stop!” 

“No way, son,” Garrett laughed. “Babae's getting a kiss next.” Cullen smirked against my lips, pulling back and grabbing Garrett, dragging him into a hot kiss.

“EWWW!” Malcolm cried, squirming. We laughed as the child squirmed out of Cullen's grip, racing off to where Dog lounged in the grass. A sudden flutter of movement made me gasp and grab my stomach.

“What?” Garrett asked, concerned.

“The baby moved,” I said with a smile, my hand pressed to the spot where I had felt it. Cullen's hand slipped under mine, pressing against the slight bulge. There was another flutter and Cullen smiled, staring at my stomach in awe.

“ _There_ she is,” he said. “Maker's breath, she's _moving_.”

“What is she doing?” I asked. “Cartwheels? Sit still, kid.”

“No,” Garrett said softly, his eyes locked on Cullen's mesmerized expression. “Keep moving, princess.” A tear slid from a honey-colored eye down a stubbled cheek, scar wrinkled as lips twisted into a smile. Garrett wrapped an arm around Cullen's shoulders, kissing the corner of his lips.

“She's alive,” he whispered. “She's growing, getting stronger. It's amazing, isn't it?”

“Yes.”

“We can't have a big grand formal wedding,” Garrett began, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a simple gold band with curling designs etched in silver decorating the band. It matched his own, glinting in the sunlight as Cullen stared at it.

“I want you to understand what we're asking you,” Garrett said. “If the world finds out, we'd be scorned and criticized. We can't be married by the Chantry, I tried, they refuse. Not sworn in by the Maker, our love will be seen as shallow. What happens in the future is unknown. We may be forced into a Circle, they may try to take our children, we may have no choice.” Cullen stared at the ring for a time, reaching out with shaking fingers and plucking it from Garrett's fingers. He slid it onto his hand, taking both Garrett and my hands in his.

“I know,” he said. “I still love you, still want to be with you. And we will never be split up, never go to a tower. We'll go into hiding first.”

“I guess that's where I come in.” I spun around, spying Varric leaning against the door leading back to the house. His arms were crossed over his chest, a grin on his face as he pushed off the door.

“What...?” I asked, puzzled.

“The Chantry won't marry you, and technically, I'm not supposed to if they won't. But, I don't know anything about the Chantry's objections and am here because I insisted on being the one to proceed over this as Vicount!” the dwarf said with a wide grin, clapping his hands. “So, everyone hold hands...”

“Wait,” Orana gasped. “They're not dressed properly!”

“Andraste preserve me,” Cullen groaned.

“I second that,” Garrett grumbled.

“No, she's right,” I said. “We can't do the wedding Garret and I had, but this should be special for us.”

“Baby, you can barely walk and we don't have a wedding dress,” Garrett said.

“Humor me?” I asked. 

“I didn't exactly bring dress clothes,” Cullen said with an arched brow.

“I have something you can wear,” Garrett offered. “It might be a little tight in the shoulders, but it'll do.”

“Varric, can you help the guys while I get gussied up?” I asked.

“For you, Mom? Of course,” he said, motioning for the men to follow. I turned to Orana with a grin.

“My wedding things are in storage,” I said, pressing my fingers to my lips when she looked like she might squeal with delight. “Dog, watch Malcolm for us.” Dog barked and sat up, his keen gaze locked on the child. Orana and I rushed down to the cellar, pulling out the trunk I indicated and retrieving my wedding gown. I slipped it on, grumbling when I realized it didn't fit like it had before. While the waist was looser, the breast was tighter. Orana added a few careful stitched to the waist to take it in, but could do nothing about the breast on such short notice. Orana did the best she could with my hair, pulling out the hairnet from the trunk and looping my curls around it. She applied makeup to my face, painting my lashes and lips while dusting my cheeks with rouge. I put on the jewelry in the chest, checking myself in the mirror. While I had hours to prepare when I married Garrett, a veritable army helping me get ready, I only had Orana and thirty minutes to get ready for this. All things considered, I didn't look too bad. My neck was peppered with love bites, my hair curled a bit more wildly and the kohl around my eyes was a little thicker, I didn't look too bad. I walked out into the yard, finding Garrett and Cullen stood with Varric. Garrett wore his wedding suit while Cullen was dressed in his red Inquisition formal wear. They turned as I approached, jaws dropping.

“Your wedding dress is _here_?” Garrett asked.

“I had a few things sent here before I fought Coreypheus so you wouldn't have to see them in the event...” I paused. “I thought it would be easier.”

“You're so pragmatic it's _painful_ ,” my husband groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Orana was to tell you when you returned to Kirkwall.” I fought the urge to chew on my lip and instead reached out and took their hands.

“Let's not get all maudlin now,” Varric said, waving his hands. “Let's get married.” Orana grabbed Dog and Malcolm, coming over to watch us with a giddy expression. Varric began his little speech, talking about how the Maker would bless our union and may Andraste watch over us.

“Now it's your turn, Curly,” Varric said. 

“I swear unto the Maker and Holy Andraste to love this woman and this man for the rest of my days,” he said. “I will be their companion in times of prosperity and their security in times of hardship. I will love no other and take no one but them in my arms, until the day I join the Maker.”

“Now you can kiss!” Varric declared with a clap. Cullen kissed me, then move to Garrett, a light blush dusting his cheeks. Orana clapped wildly, bouncing on her feet.

“I made a cake!” she sang. “We can have it out here in the yard!” I watched her skip inside with a smile while Cullen perked up at the mention of cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I keep feeling the relationship with the three of them was a bit rushed. Did I rush it or am I just having mixups in my head from too much weed and trying to do two stories at the same time?


	98. Cry, Cry, Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I work early, so here you go!

I sat on the floor of the cellar sobbing, my knee's pulled up as far as my expanding belly would allow. My hands clutched the small doll, a gift Fenris had given me for the baby. I heard a gentle tap of footsteps and my name called, turning to find Cullen at the stairs.

“There you are,” he sighed. “We've been-Why are you crying? What's wrong?” His tone became panicked and he rushed to my side, honey-colored eyes raking over me as shaking hands roamed over my body. I shook my head, gripping the doll tightly.

“I...I don't know,” I sobbed. He knelt down, forearm resting on his knee.

“You don't know why you're crying?” he asked, puzzled.

“No!” I wailed. “I just can't stop!” He let out a relieved chuckle and I smacked his arm, glaring through my tears.

“It's not funny!”

“No, it's not,” he said, his lips still twisted in a grin. “I'm sorry. Come on.” He pulled me to my feet, hugging me tightly before guiding me back upstairs. Garrett greeted us in the sitting room, smiling.

“There she-." His face fell and he was on his feet. "Why are you crying?” 

“She doesn't know,” Cullen said. Garrett's shoulders sagged in relief and his lips curled in an easy smile as his entire expression almost seemed to melt into affection. He walked towards us, reaching out and gently running his fingers through my hair. I hummed and leaned towards him, enjoying the gentle touch.

“Ahhh, one of those.”

“One of what?” Cullen asked.

“I called them pregnancy cries,” Garrett said. “She's not necessarily upset. It may have just been an errant thought or something she's not even paying attention to. She used to cry any time she would smell sandalwood."

“I fucking hate it!” I yelled, my frustration only making it worse. "And I did that because the smell made me think of my grandfather."

“Don't get upset,” Garrett said soothingly. “It's nothing to be ashamed of. What started it?”

“I was just looking at this doll Fenris gave me for the baby,” I said, holding up said toy. “I was thinking about how I couldn't wait to give birth and meet her and I fucking started crying!” I angrily scrubbed my eyes as Garrett smiled at me.

“Have I told you lately how cute you are when you cry?” Garrett asked. “Look at her, Cull. Isn't she cute?”

“Adorable,” Cullen agreed. I glared.

“Oh, now she's mad,” Garrett laughed. “Come on, baby, laugh.”

“I don't feel like laughing,” I growled.

“I can't change that,” Garrett said, reaching out, his fingers dancing along my sides. I shrieked and spun away from him, putting distance between us.

“Oh you're ticklish,” Cullen purred, his eyes mischevious.

“Very much so,” Garrett informed him. “Watch the feet though, she kicks and those legs are strong as shit. She almost took my fucking jaw off once.”

“Noted,” Cullen said, moving closer to me.

“Nuh-uh! Fuck you both!” I squealed, turning and running.

“ _Get her_!” Garrett yelled. I shrieked as the two chased me through the house, darting around furniture.

“She's fast for a pregnant woman,” Cullen remarked.

“I know, _right_?” Garrett groused as he swept an arm out to catch me onto the have me duck under it and dance out of reach. The two men shared a look, then split up, surrounding me. I swore and tried to look for a way to escape, jumping back when Garrett moved towards me. I grunted as Cullen swept an arm around my waist, throwing me to the couch and grabbing my thighs. He tore my slippers off, his fingers teasing the soft arches of my feet as I screamed, flailing wildly.

“ _AHAHAHAHA_...STOP! NO... _AHAHAHA_ PLEASE! _CUUUUUULLEEEEEENN_!” I beat on his broad back, laughing as his fingers moved to the junction of my knees. Garrett stood beside us, watching with a wide smile on his face.

“Get 'er!” he encouraged. “Make her _pee_ herself!”

“NOOOO! PLEASE STOP! _AHAHAHAHA_! I CAN'T BREATHE! _AHAHAHA_!” Cullen stopped, pinning me to the couch with his hand on my sternum. I gasped for breath, my chest heaving as I glared at the two men.

“Jerks,” I panted.

“You're not crying anymore,” Garrett pointed out. Cullen bent down, pressing a kiss to my neck before nuzzling behind my ear.

“Feel better?” he asked. I nodded, smiling.

“Yes, thank you,” I said.

“Oh he get's thanked and I get cussed at,” Garrett griped halfheartedly. “I see how it is.”

“Thank you, my darling sexy wonderful...” I cooed, a playful grin on my lips.

“Go on,” Garrett purred, kneeling on the floor by my head. “Tell me more about _myself_.” He pretended to flick his hair over his shoulder and stuck his nose in the air.

“Big-headed,” Cullen said. “Smart ass, troublemaking...” I giggled, pulling the Commander down and burying my face in the soft cotton of his shirt as I laughed.

“Hey!” Garrett huffed. “No love.” 

“Truth hurts, Hawke,” Cullen said with a grin.

“Oh fuck you, Rutherford,” Garrett mock growled.

“Stop _begging_ ,” Cullen scoffed. Garrett's jaw dropped and he slapped his hand over his eyes while I squealed with laughter.

“You've been hanging around her too much,” the Champion groaned.

“Nah, I think it's been just the right amount,” Cullen smirked.

“I gotta pee!” I wailed, squirming. “Up, up! I can't wait!” Cullen sprang to his feet and tugged me to mine before I raced up to the bedroom and the chamber pot, the sound of their laughter following me as I swore.

“Fuck!” I swore loudly when I didn't make it all the way, urine making a small patch in my smalls before I yanked them off and sat on the chamber pot. I could hear Garrett roaring with laughter.

“It's not _FUNNY_!” I cried angrily. I cleaned myself with a wet cloth and got a new pair of panties, walking out on the balcony that overlooked the sitting room. Garrett was doubled over, slapping his thigh as he chortled, while Cullen was climbing the stairs, holding his hand out to me. I took it, smiling when he wrapped an arm around my waist.

“Feel better?” he questioned.

“Yes,” I said, resting my cheek against his chest. His hand smoothed over my back and I felt my eyes slipping shut, a wave of exhaustion sweeping over me. I yawned and snuggled into him, letting the scent of oakmoss relax me as I gripped his soft lawn shirt.

“Nap time!” the commander declared, stooping down and hefting me into his arms.

“Yes, nap time,” I agreed, not complaining as I was laid on the bed, the soft knitted throw draped over me. Cullen moved to leave but I grabbed his hand, pulling him to a stop.

“Stay with me until I fall asleep?” I asked. He smiled and climbed behind me in the bed, snuggling up to my back and throwing an arm around my waist.

“Of course,” he said, then called out; “Garrett, she wants to cuddle.”

“Coming!” came the reply. Feet thudded up the steps and the black-haired man appeared in the door, stopping to stare at us. He smirked, his expression becoming tender as he leaned on the door frame.

“Isn't this a sweet sight?” he asked. “You two look _adorable_.” Cullen chuckled and motioned him over, but Garrett remained where he stood.

“Cullen, give her a kiss,” Garrett said. Cullen's fingers touched my chin, guiding my head back. His lips pressed against mine gently, his tongue coming out and teasing along my lips before slipping into my mouth. It was slow and sweet, gently exploring each other. We parted, smiling at one another before our gazes turned to Garrett.

“Hey Cullen,” Garrett said with a nod of his head. “When did you realize you were in love with her?” Cullen flushed and turned his head away. 

“That first night you were at Skyhold,” Cullen said to Garrett. “I remember listening to her talking about her parents and thinking how truly _amazing_ she was. Not only was she beautiful and intelligent, kind and caring, she was strong. She wasn't going to let anything stand in her way.”

“I remember that,” Garrett said, walking lazily towards the bed. “That's when it started for me, though I think I really fell when we got back from meeting Erimond. She looked so pitiful laying on the bed, cuddled up to your side, whimpering with fever. I wanted to protect her, hold her and kiss her. Then she woke up and was all; 'I'm not staying in bed anymore! I feel better!' Made me...ugh!”

“I remember,” Cullen laughed. “I caught her trying to sneak out of her room.”

“I was soooo _bored_ ,” I groaned. “I hate being sick.”

“The first time I kissed her,” Garrett said, biting his lips. “Mmm! Perfect. What about you?” Cullen nuzzled into my shoulder, lips trailing along my skin. 

"It was...wonderful," he sighed softly. "In the temple before Coreypheus...I remember thinking how sweet her lips were and how warm she was. I had to go up to my room and..." He flushed and Garrett roared with laughter.

I paused for a moment, looking at Cullen. “You said at the Winter Palace that it was before Skyhold.” 

“I was attracted to you before Skyhold,” Cullen said. “But it wasn't until _that_ moment that I realized I was in love with you.”  
Garrett flopped down on the bed, nuzzling into my neck and tucking his arm under my breast.

“Do tell, commander,” he said. “When were you first attracted to her?”

“The moment I met her,” Cullen said. “She was beautiful and the first time we talked...she comforted me. Told me Kirkwall wasn't my fault. It was like, all at once there was this gorgeous woman who was so kind and sweet...”

“Same here,” Garrett sighed. “When Gethorn introduced us I was entranced...then she started talking about my mother. She didn't even know me and she was _comforting_ me.” A curious look crossed Garrett's face.

“So, when did you know you loved us?”

“I always had some kind of love for you,” I said. “To be honest, it didn't even occur to me you might be attracted to me, so I didn't think on it too much. For Garrett...it was probably the night you put on my breastband.” Garrett laughed while Cullen looked at him curiously.

“I need to hear this,” the commander said.

“She was upset,” Garrett said. “She was stressed, had a bad day, on the verge of tears. I told her she had some amazing tits and I wanted to get in her breastband. She threw it at me.”

“So he says; 'Yup! Exactly what I meant.' and put it on,” I giggled. “He strutted around talking about how pretty he felt and how the band looked so nice with his chest hair. It was _bad_.”

“It made you _laugh_.”

“It did,” I said. “And I realized that I loved you. I loved that you made me laugh and didn't give a fuck if you looked like an ass. I loved that my happiness mattered so much to you.” Garrett laughed, kissing me.

“Always.”

“Cullen,” I purred. “My sweet husband.” He smiled at me, taking my hand and skimming his lips along my inner arm.

“Yes, my darling wife?” he cooed.

“For you, I think it was after the march on the Arbor Wilds.”

“Really?” Cullen asked, his interest piqued.

“When we were at the war table, you were holding Malcolm. I thought how, if things were different, I would have married you,” I said. “Not that I don't love you, Garrett.”

“I know, baby,” he said.

“He just looked so comfortable there, with Malcolm. I just thought that, I wanted you to be happy.” Cullen leaned in, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips as he fingers traced along my jaw.

“I am.” I smiled, nestling down between them, basking in the feel of Garrett's warm calloused fingers trailing along my arm which was draped across his stomach and the soft, wet sound of Cullens lips on the curve of my neck as he pressed the gentlest of kisses there, his hand stroking my stomach. I mewled softly, turning my head and seeking Cullen's lips. He gave them to me in a slow, passionate kiss, his tongue dipping into my mouth as his lips slid along mine. He pressed several sweet kisses to my lips before pulling back. I looked at Garrett and he smiled, shifting down slightly and sliding his hand under my hair along the nape of my neck in that way that made my belly grow warm and my eyes droop. The first touch of his lips was light and sweet, his facial hair lightly tickling my skin. Slowly, he teased my lips apart, slipping his tongue along the edge of my teeth. It wasn't long before he was devouring my mouth, tilting his head to the side as his fingers pressed into the back of my neck. I moaned, smiling when he pulled back.

“Go to sleep, love,” Garrett cooed. “You need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little sweet fluff.


	99. Is this real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update, didn't I? Ugh. I ran out of the house this morning and totally forgot.
> 
> And it's angsty, too. I suck.

I yawned and rolled over, my hand searching for Cullen or Garrett, but only finding empty sheets. I sighed. So much for waking me up. They must have run down for breakfast. They were like kids sometimes. I say up, looking around and froze. I wasn't in our room. This wasn't Skyhold, either. My eyes skimmed over the furniture, searching for some kind of clue as to my location. My hand fell to my stomach out of habit, wishing to cradle my daughter but my fingers touched only the soft pudge I had always had. I leaped to my feet in a panic and began searching the room. I knew where I was. I was back in my world, in my room. I grabbed my phone from the dresser when I finally spied it and searched through my contacts. I tapped Madison's number, my hand shaking as I pulled the phone to my ear. It rang a few times before a sleepy voice answered.  
  
“'Ello?”  
  
“Madison,” I gasped. “What happened?”  
  
“What do you mean?” he asked, confused. I could hear him shuffling around, no doubt climbing out of bed.  
  
“How did we get back?” I demanded.  
  
“Back? Huh? Are you okay?”  
  
“How did we get back to our world? We were in Thedas and...”  
  
“Woah, Woah, Woah,” Madison interrupted. “Thedas? Are you okay? Were you playing Dragon Age high again? Did you hit your head? Look, we have work in two hours, can this wait?”  
  
“No!” I cried desperately. “It was real! I was pregnant, you were going to live with Josie...!”  
  
“Hey, calm down,” he cooed. “Look, gimme fifteen minutes and I'll be there, okay?”  
  
“O-okay,” I stammered, sinking to the floor. I hung up the phone, pulling my knee's to my chest and burying my face in my arms. Was it really all a dream? I was so happy. I sobbed into my arms, my nails digging into my skin. It had seemed so real. I could vividly recall the freckle along Cullen's jaw, the fine hairs on his arms, the smell of Oakmoss that came from the cream he put in his hair to keep the curls tamed. I could feel the gentle brush of Garrett's trim beard against my collarbone as he kissed my neck, the gentle rumble of his voice and the slight accent it carried that almost reminded me of an American Southern accent. I could hear Garrett's soft humming as we sat by the fire reading or curling up in bed, cuddling just as well as I could Cullen's laughter when he would reach over and smack my rump when I bent over before his large hand smoothed over the playfully punished flesh.  
  
I felt hands on my arms and looked up, finding Madison kneeling before me, his hair a mess and his clothes wrinkled.  
  
“Hey,” he said in a low voice.  
  
“Do you remember?” I asked. “Did you remember Thedas?”  
  
“We've never been to Thedas,” he said. “It's just a game. You had a dream.”  
  
“It was so real.”  
  
“I know. I'm sorry.” He sat next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side. I wept as I told him everything, being Solas's child and his twin, being Garrett and Cullen's wife, being Malcolm's mother, being so damned happy and suddenly I was here. He listened, laughing now and again at some of the things I told him about and nodding at others. When I was finished, he gave me a firm squeeze.  
  
“It sounds nice,” he said. “But you have a life here. You can't just ignore that for a dream.”  
  
“I don't want the life I have here!” I yelled, pushing away from him. “I want what I had!” Madison slowly stood, looking at me sadly.  
  
“Come on,” he said. “Get dressed. We have work in an hour.” I nodded and stood, walking to my room in a daze and pulling on my clothes. I looked in the mirror as I pulled my shirt on, pausing and turning my back to the glass. I slowly lifted my hair out of the way, my eyes shooting to my hairline when I noticed the lack of tattoos and the twisted scars that went from my neck to my hips.  
  
“Madison!” I screamed. He raced into my room, looking around in a panic.  
  
“What?” he asked.  
  
“Look at my back!” I cried. “The burns!”  
  
“Burns? You've had those forever.”  
  
“No,” I insisted, looking around. “Coreypheus did this. This isn't real! It's a dream!”  
  
“No, Thedas was the dream,” he said. “This is real.”  
  
“No,” I sat up, pushing past him.  
  
“Jeeze, put some clothes on!” he huffed. “We have to go soon. I'll drive you, c'mon!”  
  
“No,” I repeated. “This is a dream. I'm in the Fade.” I raced outside, slamming into Madison's truck and tearing the door open.  
  
“What are you doing?” he cried, chasing after me. “You're in your underwear!” I reached into the glove box and grabbed the .45 I knew he kept there.  
  
“Woah, what are you doing with my gun?” he asked. “Put that down, you don't know how to shoot!”  
  
“This is a dream!” I insisted. “It's not real!” I pointed the gun at my head, pulling back the hammer.  
  
“NO STOP!” Madison screamed as I pulled the trigger. A loud bang echoed, nearly causing me to go deaf. I sat up with a jolt, screaming and calloused hands gripped me tightly.  
  
“Shhh, baby,” Garrett cooed, pressing kisses to my tear stained cheeks. Cullen was pressed to my back, his lips on my shoulders as he kissed me, murmuring in my ear.  
  
“It was a dream,” I sobbed. “It was a dream.”  
  
“Yes, baby,” Garrett assured. “It was all a dream.” I wept openly, clinging to them desperately, tightly gripping Cullens arm around my ribs and Garrett's shoulder as he knelt before me.  
  
“Hurt me,” I begged. “Please. I need to know this is real.” They paused, looking at each other before Cullen jerked my head to the side and sunk his teeth into my neck with enough force to split the skin. His hand clapped over my mouth as I screamed, pulling me back and shoving his knee's beneath my thighs. He spread his legs, forcing mine open so Garrett could kneel between them. He shoved my nightgown to the side as he fisted his cock, coaxing it to hardness. He seemed to be having trouble, so I put my hand behind his head and tugged him to my breast. Garrett moaned around my nipple as he sucked, taking great gulps of milk. If there was one thing that was almost guaranteed to get the mage aroused, besides the normal stuff, it was being allowed to indulge in his fascination with my breast. I didn't often let him play with them to his heart's content, often becoming easily overstimulated by his eager sucking and the soft, contented grunts he would let out as he breathed through his nose. He jerked his hips as he swallowed rapidly, moaning around my breast. I reached down, swiping my thumb over the head before wrapping my fingers around the shaft and stroking him rapidly.  
  
He pulled back from my breast enough to spit on my barely wet slit before he pushed my hand away and slammed into me. It burned, my channel trying to adjust to the sudden entry when I wasn't even really aroused. Garrett fucked me brutally, his pistoning his cock in and out of me with a painful force while his lips took up my breast again. Cullen pulled my hair, bit at me and slapped my thighs or clit. It was quick and violent, my orgasm being torn from me so that I was crying and squirting around Garrett's turgid cock as Cullen's seed splattered over my rump where he had been rubbing himself. Garrett jammed his cock inside me, groaning against my breast as he bathed my channel in his seed. I trembled as their harsh touches became gentle, biting kisses turning soothing.  
  
“You were gone,” I sobbed. “You were both gone. I was back and you were gone. Madison said it was a dream, but it wasn't. I knew you were real. I still had the scars so it wasn't a dream!”  
  
“Michelle, you have to calm down,” Garrett said. “You're getting hysterical and you're going to hurt the baby.”  
  
“We're real,” Cullen assured, kissing the bruises he had made along my neck. “I promise, my love. We're real. We won't leave you.” I calmed slowly, clinging to them in a desperate bid to assure myself they were there with me.  
  
“Go to sleep, baby,” Garrett cooed, petting my hair.  
  
“No,” I whimpered. “Don't want to sleep.”  
  
“Here,” Cullen said, urging me to the side and climbing out of bed. “We'll go for a walk. The night air will help.” He quickly pulled on some pants and a shirt, grabbing a dress and pulling it over my head. He helped me out of bed, his hand cradling my belly and bent down to slip my shoes on my feet. Garrett yawned, struggling with his pants. I knew he was exhausted. This was the third night in a row and the sex had just made him even more tired.  
  
“Go to bed, love,” Cullen said to him, moving over and giving him a gentle kiss.  
  
“No, I'll come,” he yawned again.  
  
“No, you're tired,” Cullen insisted. “It's fine, we won't be long.” Garrett looked at me and I nodded.  
  
“It's fine, Garrett. Go to sleep,” I said. “I'm sorry.”  
  
“Don't be sorry, baby,” he said. “I just...I wish I could help. I wish I could be...” He stopped and I could tell he'd had an idea. He walked over, giving me a passionate kiss, his fingers carding through the mass of curls that was my hair.  
  
“I'll be here when you get back,” he said. I nodded and followed Cullen out into the cool night air, tightly gripping his scratched up arm. We walked in silence, passing only a few people, mostly drunks making their way home from the tavern.  
  
“I love you,” Cullen said suddenly.  
  
“I love you, too. More than anything.” I tightened my grip on Cullen, pressing my face into his bicep. “I'm sorry I'm such a pain.”  
  
“You're not a pain, love,” Cullen cooed. “I just wish I could help you. I fell so helpless.”  
  
“I know, love.”  
  
“What are you two doing out so late?” We both turned to find Isabela walking towards us, a smile on her lips that fell when she saw me.  
  
“What the fuck?” she spat, racing over and tearing me from Cullen's grip. Her hands fluttered to my neck, tracing the dark bruises and blood smears he had left behind.  
  
“You guys went too far,” she said, glaring at the commander. “Look at her! What the fuck?”  
  
“No, Iz, it's fine,” I said. “I asked them to.”  
  
“It's one thing to ask for pain,” she said. “They've beaten you up!”  
  
“Iz, please,” I said, trying to calm her.  
  
“Why did you do this to her?” Cullen looked startled by Isabela's demands, unsure how to answer.  
  
“I asked for it,” I said, a lump forming in my throat. “I had a nightmare. I was back in my world and...and you were all gone...Madison said it was a dream...and...” I began crying again and the pirate pulled me to her ample chest, petting my hair.  
  
“Oh, sweetness,” she cooed.  
  
“The kids were gone,” I continued, wrapping my arms around her waist. “Malcolm was gone, the baby was gone...I...I couldn't...I...”  
  
“Shhhh, it's all right, kitten. We're real. The kids are here. Feel the baby, she's here.” Isabela's hand pressed to my stomach and as if prompted by the Rivinai's touch, the baby moved, a gentle flutter against Isabela's palm. I rested my cheek against the taller woman's breast, listening to the steady beat of her heart. Isabela petted me, her fingers tracing random patterns on my back as she murmured to me.  
  
“I can't take it,” I said in a low voice. “I couldn't...if this were all a dream...”  
  
“No, sweetness,” she soothed, tilting my head back. “It's all real. I promise.” Her lips pressed to mine in a sweet kiss, her tongue slipping out to explore my mouth. I moaned softly, surprised by the sudden affection from the pirate. She hadn't touched me much since the night we spent together, shying away from even the most casual touches. Now she tenderly cupped my cheeks, exploring my mouth slowly like a lover. I wrapped my arms around her neck, surrendering to her. One of her hands moved to my chest, carefully massaging my breast through the cotton of my dress. Her other hand dropped to my rump, kneading the fleshy mass, her fingers creeping further between my legs and pressing against my sore opening.  
  
“There you go, sweetness,” she purred. “It's real. All of it. You're here, I'm here. Cullen and Garrett, the baby, Malcolm...they're all real.”  
  
“Promise?” I asked. “I won't wake up and find you gone? It'll all...It's not a dream?”  
  
“No, kitten, it's not a dream. I promise.” She kissed me again, rougher this time, forcing my head back with a hand in my hair. I mewled, offering myself to her as she pulled at my locks painfully.  
  
“Maker's breath,” Cullen groaned. Isabela pulled me to an ally, pushing me up against a wall so the stone scrapped at my back. Cullen followed us, his amber gaze locked on us. The pirate knelt down, pushing my skirt up and tearing off my cum soaked smalls. Her tongue was inside me, soothing my abused entrance, cleaning Garrett's seed from my folds. She lifted one of my legs, hooking it over my shoulder and putting her hands on my hips to balance me as she licked and sucked at me.  
  
“Iz...” I panted, gripping her hair.  
  
“Feel my tongue in you, kitten? That's real.” She eased two fingers into me and I winced but didn't tell her to stop. I wanted pain. I wanted to know this was all real and pain reminded me of that.  
  
“Shit, you're swollen,” she hissed, looking at my sex. “What happened?”  
  
“Garrett basically raped her,” Cullen said. Isabela's copper gaze shot to Cullen, black brows furrowed.  
  
“She asked for it,” Cullen explained.  
  
“No more of this, kitten,” Isabela said, easing her fingers back inside me. “This is getting out of hand. No more violence.”  
  
“I feel real, though. It makes me feel alive!”  
  
“It's a work in progress,” Cullen sighed. Isabela licked at me gently, her free hand cupping my ass. I mewled as she massaged my rump, her tongue playing sinfully along my sex as her fingers slowly pumped into me. Cullen kissed me, his hands gently massaging my breast and his broad body mostly shielding me from view. I climaxed, rolling my hips eagerly against Isabela's fingers and tongue, the spike of pain making it much more intense. Isabela gently set my leg down and stood, holding me against the wall with careful hands as her lips found mine again.  
  
“That felt real, didn't it, kitten?” I nodded and leaned against her. She stood there, petting me tenderly, her fingers mapping out the planes of my face.  
  
“Let's get you home,” she said. Cullen reached out, lifting me up and carrying me back towards the manor.  
  
"Mmph, you've put on weight," Cullen said with a wide grin. I glared at him and he smirked. "Very, very sexy weight. The best kind of weight."  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ut-oh....


	100. I Write Sins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I work butt ass early tomorrow, so here ya go. The following events follow along with the Knight's Errant comics.

I laughed as Varric pulled me in for a tight hug, stooping down to throw my arms around him.

“I'm glad you made it,” he said, kissing my cheek.

“Of course,” I said, returning the gesture. “I even managed to get the guys into some nice clothes.” Behind me, Garrett and Cullen were dressed in noble formal wear, Cullen having borrowed something from Garrett. The commander was dressed in a deep maroon tunic jacket with a white shawl collar tucked into it. He wore black breeches and boots, his hair combed back with an errant curl brushing his forehead. Garrett wore much the same outfit, his jacket a deep blue. Two ornamental buttons graced each side of the jacket, connected by a gold rope. 

“Well you looked so beautiful, how could we not dress up?” Garrett asked, taking my hand and waving his other arm in a presenting manner. “Look at her! Mmm, gorgeous!” I laughed, shaking my head and glancing down at my own clothes. A fitted dress of a deep emerald green hung off my shoulders, the long sleeves ending in points at the back of my hands. The skirt hugged my hips, accentuating my belly before flaring out ever so slightly, falling to my ankles. Orana had pinned my curls on the top of my head, weaving a strand of pearls in between the locks. She had completed the look with some light makeup and my grandmother's necklace, which hid the bruises on my neck.

“Come,” Varric said, taking my hand. “There is someone you must meet. It'll be quick, Curly looks like he might kill someone.” I paused, turning to my ex-templar husband. He shifted nervously, eyes darting around as if he expected an attack.

“Darling,” I said. “I told you, you could have stayed home. I know you hate these things.”

“I wanted to come with you,” he said, trying to appear relaxed. Garrett chuckled and took his arm.

“I'll go get him a stiff drink, then we'll join you,” he said. The two walked away, Garrett whispering his Cullen's ear. Varric led me over to where a group had gathered, an older man with long silver haired dressed in an ocean blue jacket that bore steel shoulder plates, marking his as a knight. His warm brown eyes were bloodshot, showing he had been drinking.

“Ser Aaron,” Varric called. The man looked towards us, his gaze trailing over me as his lips parted in surprise.

“Is that _The_ Seer?” he asked. I dipped a curtsy, smiling at him.

“A pleasure,” I said. “Though I don't go by that title any longer.”

“Forgive me, Lady Hawke,” he said, taking my hand and brushing a kiss over the back of it. “King Alistair truly didn't do you justice when he spoke of you.”

“Alistair?” I asked. “I haven't seen him in ages. How is he?”

“Well enough, my lady,” he said.

“Ser Aaron was just about to tell us about the Arling of Edgehall,” simpered a noblewoman as she eyed the knight.

“Arl Gell?” I asked. “That cock-eyed bastard, may he rot in the void.” Aaron laughed at this.

“As blunt as a dwarven hammer,” he crowed. “I like it!”

“He's an ass,” I hissed. “The things he does to people.”

“Well, elves,” a noble snorted. “They're hardly 'people'.” I bristled at this, leveling him with a glare.

“Might wanna watch your mouth there, ma'am,” Varric said casually. “The Inquisitor is an elf _and_ her adopted son.” The woman clamped her mouth shut and I turned back to Aaron.

“So, what did the dumb ass Arl do this time?” I asked the knight. He grinned and began his tale, telling of how the Arl had the elves vhenadahl destroyed. I noticed a young elven girl with black hair and green eyes watching the knight for a moment before slipping out of the party.

“That her?” I asked Varric. He nodded, his smile never faltering as he watched Aaron. I sighed and shook my head. Aaron finished his story and I watched as others expressed disgust at the Arl's actions. I cast my gaze around again and noticed that my husbands were nowhere to be seen. I slipped away from the group with a parting nod to Aaron and Varric, my eyes scanning the myriad of faces for one or both of my spouses. I moved down one of the halls of the Viscount's keep, listening for their voices. When I heard a low moan I stopped, quickly looking around and ensuring I was alone. I eased one of the doors open, peering inside. It appeared to be an office, furnished with a desk, a sofa, a few bookshelves and a cabinet that I assumed held liquor. The room was dark, but the moonlight spilling in through the ceiling-high windows that dominated one wall illuminated two figures. I recognized Cullen, leaning back against the desk with his pants pulled down, one hand tightly gripping the edge of the desk with the other stuffed in his mouth to muffle the noises coming from him. Garrett knelt before him, his head bobbing furiously, his hand reaching back between the other males legs. I quickly slipped inside the room and closed the door behind me as silently as possible so as not to disturb them. Cullen gave a low groan and jerked his hips so Garrett stilled for a moment, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. The black haired man pulled off the other's cock, placing a kiss on his hip before pulling the Commander's pants up and retying the laces.

“Better?” Garrett asked, pressing a second kiss to Cullen's lips. Cullen gave a tired nod, glancing towards the door. He did a double take when he saw me, his tawny eyes wide and his face panicked. Garrett whipped his head in my direction but relaxed when he saw it was me.

“Damn, you scared the shit outta me,” he breathed with a laugh.

“I think my heart stopped,” Cullen panted, putting his hand to his chest. 

“Sorry,” I said with a laugh, walking over to them. “I didn't want to interrupt.”

“Cullen just needed some help relaxing,” Garrett said, thumbing his lip to catch any excess seed. I stared at the mage, something in my chest growing tight.

“You're _amazing_ ,” I said, reaching out and cupping his cheek. “You're always taking care of us.” He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, pressing a languid kiss to my lips that tasted of the former-Templar.

“I enjoy it,” he said. “And you two take care of me, too. We take care of each other.” I pulled away slightly, looking at the ground.

“I fell like I've been doing less, lately,” I sighed. “I always seem to need you two...” I felt guilty. Between being pregnant and my nightmares, it seemed the two were always on high alert around me. I had this deeply seeded panic I couldn't seem to shake and the harder I tried, the worse my dreams got. I seemed to constantly wake up screaming and I had no idea how to fix it.  
Calloused fingers gripped my chin, turning my head so I was forced to look at Garrett.

“Hey, none of that,” he chastised. “You're having a hard time, it's fine. We're here to help. Life isn't always easy. I swore before the Maker and the world to stick by you no matter what, not only when you're happy and fun to be around.” I smiled up at him, trying to force my tears back.

“I know I'm not going anywhere,” Cullen said, walking around the mage and ducking his head to press a kiss to my cheek. “I made the same promise and I'm _much_ more devout then him.”

“Well not all of us grew into boring Templar's,” Garrett shot back.

“Ah, not a Templar _anymore_ ,” Cullen pointed out. “And considering you just sucked me off in the viscount's office, I'm certainly _not_ boring.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“You're hanging around me too much if _you're_ able to say that without blushing,” Garrett groaned. Cullen smirked and pointed to his own chin.

“You have seed right here.” Garrett rubbed his chin off on his sleeve, looking down before glaring at the commander when he found nothing.

“ _Ass_.”

I laughed, gripping my stomach as the two ribbed each other. 

“You two are stupid,” I said.

“You love it,” Garrett said flippantly. I reached into my pocket, pulling out the invitation Varric had slipped me.

“We got invited to Prince Sebastion's birthday party,” I said, holding out the paper to the men. Garrett took it, unfolding the paper and skimming over its contents while Cullen groaned.

“I thought I wouldn't have to attend any more of these Noble events,” he complained.

“You married a noble,” Garrett said distractedly. “If we have to suffer, so do you.”

“It's actually Inquisition business,” I offered, which made Cullen perk up slightly.

“How so?” he questioned, peering over Garrett's shoulder at the invitation.

“According to Varric's notes,” I began. “We sent two agents in to take a diary Sebastion has about red lyrium. Sebastion had no intention of using it against anyone, it's merely his observations. But if it falls into the wrong hands, we could be in trouble.”

“Does the Prince know it was _our_ agents?” Cullen asked, concerned.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “The prince is too pious to participate in torture, but we need to get them out and get that book.”

“Sounds fun,” Garrett said. “Does Sebastion know we're coming?”

“Yes,” I said. “He already extended us an invitation. He wishes to meet Malcolm.”

“Family trip!” Garrett declared, excitedly. “This'll be fun!”

“My love, it is part Inquisition business,” I reminded him.

“And a perfect chance to show off my beautiful family,” he added, puffing out his chest. Cullen and I looked at each other before rolling our eyes and making for the door.

“Oh, you guys are such _spoilsports_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of exploration with Garrett and Cullen. In my head, they're serious bro's as well as lovers. Plus, Cullen and Garrett both had to deal with what went on in Kirkwall, so they understand each other in a special kind of way.


	101. Afriad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is kind of late. The next chapter will probably be a bit late as well...I apparently forgot to finish writing it.... But I'll be working on some drawings too.

I jerked upright in bed, a scream on my lips that I quickly swallowed. The arm across my stomach tightened and Cullen murmured, “Just...dream..” before his soft snoring resumed. Garrett grumbled and rolled towards me, his hand resting on my shoulder and pushing me down into the bed. I sank back into the mattress, staring at the canopy above me. The hand on my shoulder caressed the tender skin there and I looked over to see golden eyes watching me.

“Wanna talk about it?” Garrett asked.

“No,” I said. That hand paused before resuming its gentle petting.

“Anything I can do?” I shook my head, scowling.

“Nothing you'd be _willing_ to actually do,” I bit out, much more angrily then I had meant to. Garrett scowled, propping himself up on his elbow.

“Need I remind you that you're _pregnant_ with a child that may be born addicted to _lyrium_ if she's even born _alive_?” he snapped. I stared at him, a lump forming in my throat. His expression became regretful and he reached for me.

“I...baby...I didn't mean to say it like _that_. I'm sorry. I just...”

“It's fine,” I said in a hoarse voice. “You're right. I didn't mean to sound so angry or like I was accusing you. I'm just tired.”

“We're all tired and a little on edge,” Garrett said, running his finger through his mussed hair. “Even Malcolm has been rather grumpy lately. It's one of the reasons I want to go on this trip so badly. I think it'll be good for us.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, smiling when Cullen nuzzled his face into my neck, amber eyes fluttering open.

“We'd get more sleep if you guys would _stop_ talking,” he complained. 

“I'm not tired,” I whined. He groaned and looked over at Garrett, then glanced out the window to see the sun just peeking over the horizon.

“Guess there's no point in going back to sleep.” I watched Cullen push the blanket's aside and stand, walking over to his bag and pulling out a pair of breeches. I let out a low whistle as he bent over and slipped his legs into them. He turned as he laced them up, giving me a full view of his muscled chest.

“Nice,” I complimented. Garrett hummed in agreement before climbing out of bed himself.

“Come on, baby,” he urged, stretching his arms over his head so his back popped loudly. “Iz will be here soon.” Since the night Isabela had found Cullen and I walking around hours before sunrise, she had taken to coming over early in the morning to have breakfast and talk. Her keen eye was always trained on any trace of bare skin, looking for more marks. I knew this because she told me. She was just as worried about my ever-increasing need for violence as the men were and wanted to make sure the guys had toned it down. Some mornings we lay together on the sofa, curling around each other, talking and eating while Malcolm tried to show off his sword skills to the pirate. She had taken to teaching him how to use a dagger, telling him that being a duelist would benefit him far more. I swore my friends were going to make my son one of the most deadly, well-rounded warriors in history. He could use a sword, shield, dagger, bow, and magic.   
I pulled on a pair of breeches, keeping the laces loose to accommodate my growing belly and tugged a sleeveless tunic over my head. I threw a few last minute things into my bags and let Garrett take them downstairs to wait on the carriage. Cullen grabbed the rest of the bags as I eased myself down the stairs, smiling as I saw Isabela strolling in with a loaf of fresh bread in her hand.

“I got it!” she declared, holding the loaf up. “It took forever but I finally found someone who made sweet bread like they do back in Rivani!” I greeted the woman with a chaste kiss on the lips, letting her tug me towards the dining room where Orana was setting the table. The elf watched as the pirate ushered me into a chair before grabbing a knife and cutting off a piece of bread. 

“I missed this stuff so much,” Isabela sighed as she smeared a little butter on it. “I _hated_ it when I lived there, but now that I haven't had it in years, I find myself craving it like crazy. Strange the things you miss, huh? Anyway, how'd you sleep, kitten?”

“Terribly,” I sighed. Her hands paused and she looked towards me, black brows drawn up in concern.

“ _Still_? Oh, kitten...”

“I know,” I said. “It's just...they feel so real.”

“Has it always been like this?” she asked, placing the bread on my plate before grabbing herself some.

“No,” I sighed. “That's what's so strange. It seemed to start after Coreypheus died.” Isabela took a careful bite of her bread, her jaw moving slowly as she chewed. I could see her mind working, trying to figure out a cause for my nightmares.

“So you didn't have nightmares before?” she questioned, her elbows resting on the table.

“No.”

“You didn't worry about being sent back to your world?” Bronze eyes locked on me, her gold lip piercing glinting in the light from the sun.

“Not really,” I admitted. “I barely had time to think about it. I woke up, spent my day being the Inquisition's Seer and trying to make sure no one died, trying to figure out what I could change and what I couldn't, then I usually collapsed into bed exhausted. Now...”

“I get it,” she hummed, fingers stroking her chin.

“Care to tell me?” I lifted the bred to my mouth, taking a bite and pausing. It was sweet. It tasted like someone had put honey in the dough, the butter only making it richer. I moaned softly at the taste, stuffing more in my mouth.

“Good, right?” she laughed, reaching over and cutting me another piece. “I know you said you've been going nuts over sweet stuff lately. I thought you'd love this!”

“Have I told you you're amazing lately?” I asked.

“I could stand to hear it again,” she cooed, winking at me. “Anyway, it seems your problem is now that all the chaos and panic is over, you're lost, purposeless.”

“I have a purpose,” I said. “I'm a wife and mother.”

“Yeah, but you have time,” she said. “Before you were a wife, mother, seer, warrior, adviser, diplomat...” She trailed off with a wave of her hand.

“So what do I do?” I asked. “I can't just go around doing reckless things to keep my mind occupied.”

“I wish I had an answer, kitten,” she said, reaching over and pouring herself a cup of coffee. She added sugar to it, then took a careful sip. “I'll think on it while you guys are on your trip. Maybe I'll come up with something.”

“That means it'll involve sex,” I sighed. Isabela grinned at me wickedly, her hand trailing over my thigh before cupping my sex and massaging it firmly.

“You say that like it's a _bad_ thing.”

“Auntie Iz!” I groaned in frustration as my son came charging into the room, the pirate leaping to her feet and sweeping him into her arms.

“Hey little man!” she greeted cheerfully. “Excited about your trip?”

“Yeah!” Malcolm chirped. “Mamae said I can ride a horse!”

“I said you could join Babae or Papa on a horse,” I corrected. “You're not riding one by yourself.”

“But I big boy!” Malcolm argued.

“Not that big,” I said. Malcolm opened his mouth to argue, but Cullen cut him short.

“Don't argue with your mother, Malcolm,” the former templar said sternly. “It's too dangerous. When you're old enough, you can ride horses all day if you want. For now, you need to ride with an adult.”

“Yes, Papa,” Malcolm pouted.

“Hey now,” Isabela cooed. “Horses are boring anyway. Now _ships_! That's where the fun is! Wait until I take you on a ship!” Malcolm looked at me excitedly, his expression one of askance.

“If Aunt Iz is with you,” I said. “But no epic voyages until you're older. And Aunt Iz isn't allowed to drink.”

“I was not _drunk_ when I crashed,” she growled. “I was escaping the Qunari.”

“Who you stole from while you were drunk.” She tilted her head in acknowledgment.

“Okay, fair enough.”

“Guys, we need to hurry and eat,” Garrett said, his hand gripping the door frame as he swung into the room. “The carriage will be here soon.” Isabela plopped Malcom in his highchair while Orana quickly began filling our plates. Cullen sat next to me, distractedly inhaling his food as he began working on paperwork he wanted to send off before we left. Garrett lifted his plate from the table and began walking and eating while he raced around, checking to make sure we hadn't forgotten anything. Isabela and I watched this with amusement, giggling.

“Hey! Don't steal my food you stupid dog!” Garrett shouted as Dog lept up and snatched a role from the mage's plate before dashing off out the open door.

“I told you to stop walking around eating,” Cullen said, glancing up from the letters he was pinning.

“Yeah, yeah,” Garrett huffed, shoving some fruit into his mouth. There was the neigh of horses from outside and Garrett began hauling bags into the cart, Cullen jumping up to help.

“Orana, can you send those letters off for me?” the Commander asked.

“Yes, Messere,” she said in her sweet voice, carefully gathering the papers in her hands. I shoved the last bit of bread into my mouth and stood, going over and cleaning Malcolm of the jam he had somehow managed to smear across his entire face. Isabela downed her coffee and snatched up the clothes I had brought down for Malcolm, helping me strip and redress the complaining child.

“Mamae! I still eating!” 

“You can finish it in a minute,” I said. “We have to make sure you're ready. We'll be leaving soon.” Malcolm snuck his hand out and snagged a piece of apple, stuffing it into his mouth before I could pull the shirt over his head.

“Have I mentioned how like Garrett your son is?” Isabela asked with a roll of her eyes. 

“He's actually a lot like my twin brother.” I quickly laced the toddler's breeches, dusting off the crumbs he had somehow managed to spill on them before they were even fully on his body. 

“That makes so much sense,” Isabela grumbled. “Figures you would marry someone just like the one person in the world you're closest to.” I paused, thinking about it.

“I also married Cullen,” I pointed out.

“Well, someone needs to balance you two out.” I glared at the woman who merely grinned, leaning over and brushing a light kiss on my lips. Malcolm was finally dressed and the last of our bags were tossed in the cart while Garrett, Cullen, and Varric chatted.

“How did we women get stuck with baby duty?” Isabela huffed, glaring at them.

“Did you want to lift the bags into the cart?” I asked. Isabela paused, thinking.

“Meh, I'm fine with baby duty.”

“Thought so.” Malcolm stuffed the last of his food in his mouth and I gave up on keeping his clothes crumb free. Isabela lifted the toddler out of the seat, placing a loud kiss on his jam smeared lips before setting him on the ground.

“Go decide which horse you're going to ride on,” she said. “I need to tell your Mamae 'bye'.” Malcolm scurried out into the yard, Cullen chasing after him and Isabela pinned me to the corner wall in the dining room, the position of the door hiding us from view.

Her lips were on mine, demanding and hungry and I was shocked by the sudden assault. Initially, after our little escapade, Isabela had become distant and refrained from touching me more than was necessary. Since she had found Cullen and me on the street, she had become more protective, though I could tell she was hesitant to show too much affection. Now she seemed eager to touch me. Her lips pressed to mine as she molded her body along my own.

“Gonna miss me?” she asked.

“Of course,” I said, wrapping my arms around her ribs. She stared at me for a moment, her lips parting to say something before her mouth closed again. She did this several more times and I just waited patiently for her to find the words.

“Look,” she said. “I..You're...Be careful. I...I couldn't stand it if something happened. You're one of the best friends I've had in...in a long time...” I smiled at her, resting my head on her shoulder.

“I'll be careful,” I promised. “No robbing people who might kill you, okay?”

“Fiiiine,” she said with a long-suffering sigh. She leaned in, kissing me again, her lips moving over mine slowly. There was a feminine gasp behind us and we both looked over to see Aaron's elven squire, Vaea staring at us.

“I...I'm sorry!” she said. “I...uhm....”

“Oi, would you two stop making out?” Garrett asked, appearing behind the elf. “We're about to leave.”

“I'm coming,” I said as Isabela pulled away. We walked towards the door, Vaea running ahead, her cheeks flushed and her face puzzled. Cullen was lifting Malcolm onto a horse as Aaron was climbing in the back of his cart. Garrett hopped on his own horse as the carriage driver took his seat. I eased myself into the back of the cart, sitting in the middle where Garrett and Cullen had placed several pillows and blankets over our bags to make a comfortable seat for me.  
Varric mounted his own horse, turning it towards the roads.

“Be safe,” Isabela said, waving to us.

“We will,” Garrett assured. I waved to her as we drove off, watching as her figure became smaller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil sweetness.


	102. Try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had it all ready to go, turned my computer off and then when I got home from work and went to post it, the chapter file was corrupt. I had to redo it. FUUUUUUCK!
> 
> The following chapters follow the storyline of the Knight's Errant comics.

I smiled at Sebastion, watching his blue eyes light up with delight as he spied me.

“Lady Hawke!” he called, throwing his arms open. I laughed, moving into them and returning the hug.

“It's so good to see you, Sebastion!” 

“And you,” the prince said. “I see you're with child again.”

“What can I say?” I asked. “I want a big family.” Sebastion chuckled, rubbing my stomach before casting his gaze around.

“That reminds me,” he said. “I have yet to meet little Malcolm. I thought you said you were bringing him.”

“We did,” I told him, turning back to look for him. I saw Cullen scowling as he chased a small mud-covered child and scowled.

“ _Malcolm Arthur Hawke_!” I cried and my son froze, hazel eyes wide as he slowly turned to me. I crooked my finger, then pointed at my feet. “ _Front and center_!” My son scrambled to me, standing at my feet and looking up at me.

“What did we say you were to do?” I asked in a stern voice.

“B-Behave?”

“Are you asking or telling?” 

“Telling,” Malcolm replied, shuffling his feet.

“Why are you covered in mud?” I asked, sharply.

“I fell,” he said.

“You fell because you were running around when we told you not too, didn't you?” I crossed my arms under my heavy breast.

“...Yes.”

“We told you to _behave_ ,” I said. “This is not behaving. It has been a long trip and we're tired. Mamae can't chase you around and I _really_ need you to listen to us. It is very difficult for Mamae to travel and you promised to be a big boy and help out. Papa shouldn't have to chase you around to get you to behave. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes, Mamae,” he stammered, looking at the ground, ashamed.

“You are to stay with Babae and Papa,” I said. “You are going to need a bath before the party starts.”

“I don't _want_ a bath!” he complained.

“Then you won't go to Uncle Sebastion's party,” I said simply. “You are being _very_ rude. Uncle Sebastion invited us and he really wanted to meet you and here you are, misbehaving and stressing us out. Now Uncle Sebastion can't even give you a hug. He's been waiting to meet you for a long time. I'm _very_ disappointed, Malcolm.” My son hung his head, sniffling.

“I'm sorry, Mamae,” he said.

“You need to tell Papa and Uncle Sebastion you're sorry, too,” I said, stepping aside. Sebastion looked down at the little boy, his expression tender as blue eyes took in the mud-covered child. Malcolm walked over to the prince, bowing.

“Sorry, Unka Sebastion,” he said. “I'll be a good boy.”

“It's all right,” Sebastion said, kneeling down so he was eye level with the child. “I know the trip left you restless. How about you get cleaned up, then my guard can show you to the gardens? There's lots of room to run and play.” Malcolm looked at me, hopefully.

“Very well,” I said, knowing that Sebastion would have a serious hand in spoiling my children. “Go apologize to Papa and let him clean you up.” Malcolm raced to Cullen, who pulled out his kerchief and began wiping the boys face.

“I'm sorry, Papa,” he said. “I'll be good.”

“I forgive you, pup,” Cullen said.

“Papa?” Sebastion asked as he rose, a brow arched.

“His idea,” I said, pointing to Malcolm. “And we don't care.” Sebastion chuckled.

“Children's minds work in such interesting ways.”

I turned as I heard Sebastion's seneschal yelling at Aaron's squire. I stepped to the side as Sebastion went over to them, talking to the uptight looking man.

“Did you give her the map?” I asked Varric.

“Yup,” he said. “Charter is very appreciative, you know.”

“They're our agents, on a mission we gave them,” I said. 

“Still a mom to the world, I see,” he chuckled. I gripped my stomach as it turned suddenly, clapping my hand over my mouth.

“Oh shit!” the dwarf swore, grabbing me and spinning me towards the bushes where I began vomiting. Broad hands smoothed over my back, trying to soothe me as I puked up the meager lunch I had eaten.

“I don't remember you being this sick with Malcolm,” he commented.

“Stress doesn't help,” I sighed.

“Still having the Nightmares?” he asked.

“Garrett?”

“Actually it was Rivani. She's kinda become protective over you. She's taking your place as Mom.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“Except that there are very few people Iz is protective of.”

“True.” Varric nodded his head in agreement.

“Are you okay?” came Garrett's voice as he eyed Varric rubbing my back.

“Just a little nauseous,” I said.

“You threw up _again_?” he asked, eyes wide. “But...we _just_ got some food in you!”

“I didn't do it on _purpose_!” I cried, tears springing to my eyes. “I'm _trying_! Stop making it sound like I'm fucking up my pregnancy on purpose!”

“Hey, hey,” Varric soothed. “He didn't say that. Calm down. He's just frustrated like you are.” Garrett pulled me into a tight hug, pressing kisses to my hair.

“I'm not fussing at you,” he cooed. “I'm just worried. I love you, I _know_ you're trying. I'm _proud_ of you, okay. You're doing great.” I calmed, burying my face in his shirt as he murmured praises to me.

“I'm sorry I'm so bitchy,” I sighed. 

“We're all on edge,” Cullen said as he joined us, a slightly cleaner Malcolm balanced on his hip. He ran his fingers through my hair, ducking his head and giving me a quick kiss.

“How about Garrett takes Malcolm to the gardens and then gets him his bath while Cullen takes our expecting mother to the room to get some rest,” Varric said.

“I'll have the servant show you to your rooms,” Sebastion said as he rejoined us, catching the tail end of the conversation. Blue eyes took in my frail appearance before turning to his seneschal.

“Call for the doctor. Perhaps there is something she can give you to ease your stomach.”

“I don't mean to be such a bother on your birthday,” I said, reaching out and putting my hand on his arm. Sebastion gave me a warm smile and took my hand, placing a kiss on the back.

“Nonsense,” he said. “It's no bother at all. I'm honored you made the trip in your condition, the least I can do is ensure your health. Granger, please show Lady Hawke and Lord Rutherford to their rooms.”

Granger nodded and led us down the hall, Garrett gave me a parting kiss as he took Malcolm from Cullen. I gripped Cullen's arm tightly as I walked, stopping when my stomach gave a violent lurch, though I had nothing left to give up. Once inside the room, Cullen stripped me down to my smalls and settled me on the bed, curling up beside me and rubbing my belly.

“I feel like _all_ Garrett and I do lately is argue,” I sighed.

“Things have been a little tense,” Cullen admitted. “But you two always make up quickly.” I sighed, turning towards him and cupping his stubbled cheek.

“My sweet husband,” I cooed, watching as his eyes lit up at the words. “What would we do _without_ you? You're always playing mediator.”

“Well, my spouses need it sometimes,” he said. “And you've played mediator with Garrett and me just as he has with you and me.”

“I love you, Cullen,” I said, pulling him in for a kiss. “I'm sorry if I've been ignoring you.”

“You haven't, darling,” he assured. There was a gentle knock on the door and we pulled apart.

“Come in!” Cullen called out and the door opened to reveal a thin, willowy woman with long red hair and green eyes.

“Lady Hawke?” she asked.

“That's me,” I said, waving her in.

“I was told you are having a lot of morning sickness,” she said, walking to the bedside, a servant following her with a tray laden with bowls and bottles.

“Yes,” I said. “I haven't been able to keep anything down today.”

“That's not good,” the woman said. She examined me, her hands resting on my belly and glowing softly.

“Well, the baby is fine,” she said. “Perfectly healthy. You on the other hand...I'm going to recommend a potion to ease your nausea and another for vitamin supplements, both should be taken each morning.”

“Is the pregnancy dangerous for her?” Cullen asked, concerned.

“Right now, it's hard to say,” the healer explained, mixing a few herbs into a bottle and shaking it. “She's a bit malnourished, but that's most likely from how sick she's been. Is the nausea an everyday occurrence?”

“Yes,” I said. “Some days are better than others. I don't understand, though. I wasn't this sick with my first child.”

“Each pregnancy is different,” she said, handing me the bottle as she began mixing more herbs in another bottle. I downed the first one, gagging at the taste. My stomach protested, but I fought to keep it down, gripping Cullen's hand tightly as I kicked my legs. Eventually, my stomach settled and my nausea slowly eased. I was handed another potion that I quickly swallowed, chasing it with the juice the healer gave me. She set a small bowl of broth on the bedside table with a fluffy roll of bread.

“Now, you'll eat this, then rest for a bit before the party,” the healer instructed. “No ale or wine and I want you to stay away from foods that are too heavy. I'll leave the potion recipes with you. When you get home, you can take them to any apothecary to get them made. Once a day, every day. If you miss a day, don't double up. Your magic is a bit strange, I recommend taking a sip of Lyrium to stabilize it.”

“No lyrium,” Cullen said without thinking. The healer scowled at him and I placed a hand on his arm to calm him.

“Look, I...Can I talk to you...alone?” I looked at the servant who quickly bowed out, closing the door behind him. The healer turned to us, arms crossed and a brow arched.

“The truth is, the child is his,” I motion to Cullen. “My husband is aware, we have...well, it doesn't matter. But he's a Templar and...”

“I am aware of what Ser Rutherford is,” the healer said. “It's dangerous for a mage to have a Templar's child. You know this, right?”

“He's not a Templar anymore,” I said. “But...I know...I know my child....”

“This is why you're so nauseous,” the healer said. “I recommend a diet high in fruits and bread. No lyrium, but that means you must use magic daily to try and stabilize it. No alcohol and no heavy lifting.” The healer began writing furiously on a piece of paper.

“You can't tell anyone,” Cullen said. 

“Your secret is safe with me,” the healer said. “Though from the rumors I've heard, it's not _that_ much of a secret.” She handed Cullen the paper and I saw it was a detailed list of things my diet should include, when to take the potions and things I needed to avoid.

“Now, eat then rest,” the healer ordered. Cullen reached over, taking the bowl and handing it to me.

“Thank you,” I said as I began to stuff the bread into my mouth.

“Of course,” the healer replied, gathering up her tray and making her way out the door. Cullen was silent for a long time as he watched me carefully eat.

"Darling," he said slowly. "Perhaps...perhaps we shouldn't go through with this pregnancy. We can try again when I'm fully free of the Lyrium." I almost dropped the bowl.

"What?" I asked breathlessly, tears springing to my eyes. "You...you want me to get rid of our daughter?"

"It's just...you're having such a hard time," Cullen stammered. "I...I don't want to lose you."

"Cullen," I said, tears slipping down my cheeks. "You...you _can't_ ask me to do that! I _love_ her! Don't you love her? Don't you want her?" Cullen sat up, cupping my cheek and kissing me.

"I do," he said. "I _do_ , I'm just worried."

"I won't do it," I said, shaking my head. "I won't...I won't have an abortion. Please don't ask me to. _Please_." More tears spilled down my cheeks and Cullen looked at me wretchedly.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Forget I said anything. It was a stupid thing to say. Of course, I want you to have my child. I'm sorry." A sob escaped me and I gripped his wrist as his thumb brushed over my cheekbone. He pressed frantic kisses to my lips, muttering apologies.

"I love you," I wept. "I love you so much. I want to have your child. I want her. I love her. She's a part of you. Don't...please don't talk about her like she's disposable!"

"I'm sorry," he said. "It was foolish. I'm just scared of losing you. You're right. She's ours. Just...promise me you'll do what the healers say?" I nodded, letting him kiss me once more before I resumed eating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty picture of Michelle and Cullen kissing. And...Cullen puts his foot in his mouth and upsets his pregnant wife. Maker, Cull!
> 
> Just a little disclaimer so no one gets their panties in a knot. Any mentions of abortion or opinions about it, in this chapter and future chapters, are solely what Michelle thinks and her feelings on the matter. This is a story, not a soapbox and it won't be treated as such. And while you are all more than welcome to express your opinions on the matter as it pertains to this story in the comments, I WILL NOT tolerate political debates or insults in the comments section. We're all adults here. I'm not using this story to shame people who have made that choice and if I catch any such remarks in the comments section, I will report you and delete the comments. This is _Michelle's_ feelings on _her_ situation, **PERIOD!**
> 
> Much love and thanks for all your patience with me! ♥♥♥


	103. Nobody Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Chappie!

I sat at the table, dressed in a dark purple off the shoulder gown with puffy sleeves that stopped at my elbows before more fitted fabric that ended in lace at my wrists. The waist of the gown was tight, accentuating the curve of my pregnant belly, the skirt flaring out ever so slightly at the hips. Garrett and Cullen both wore fitted jackets with black breeches and shawl collars. While Garrett wore a jacket of navy blue, Cullen had picked out a forest green one. Malcolm had been dressed to match his father's, his red jacket making him look like a little prince. I gently wiped my son's mouth, rolling my eyes as Ser Aaron and Professor Kenric began arguing. Varric was trying to play mediator between them as they accused each other of being a thief, but it seemed the men were too hot-headed to listen. I bristled when I heard Aaron threaten to 'settle this like men' and slammed my hands down on the table, drawing everyone's attention to me as I stood.

“Oh shit, you've done it now,” Varric muttered as I leveled both men with a stern glare.

“ _Enough_ ,” I said, my voice low but holding no less authority. “This is the Prince's _birthday_ party and you two _will_ cease your bickering now. I will _not_ allow you to ruin this party because you two have some archaic need to one-up each other. You will _sit down, eat dinner_ and _play nice_ or I will drag you both outside and settle it by whipping you like naughty children! Am I _clear_?” Both men sputtered, looking at me wide-eyed. I pointed to the seats they had vacated.

“Sit. _Now_.” They paused, then slowly resumed their seats, muttering apologies. I gingerly sat back down in my chair.

“Mamae _scary_ ,” Malcolm said and the table dissolved into laughter.

“Yes, little Hawke,” Varric agreed. “Your mother is a force to be reckoned with.”

“Open mine!” Malcolm said, not sure why everyone was laughing, but wanting to get back to the task at hand. “I picked it out myself!” Cullen chuckled, reaching over and petting Malcolm's mess of black curls.

“He did. He was so excited it was your birthday he _begged_ to pick out a present for you.” Sebastion melted at this, giving Malcolm an adoring smile as he unwrapped the present. From inside the box, he pulled out a golden amulet, depicting Andraste holding a bowl of fire. Gem's had been carved for her eyes, lips and the fire, glittering in the light of the candles.

“We told him that you used to live in the Chantry,” I explained. “And you were very devout. He saw that in the market and Cullen told him that many of the Chantry members wore them. He thought you would like it.”

“I _love_ it,” Sebastion declared, slipping it over his head. He strolled around the table, lifting the grinning child into his arms and pressing a kiss to his temple. “I shall _never_ take it off. Thank you, little lion.” Malcolm beamed, hugging Sebastian tightly.

“Really like it?”

“I _really_ do,” Sebastion assured.

“You have such a charming child,” a noblewoman laughed.

“I know,” Garrett said. “We're in trouble when he grows up. We'll have to beat the suitors back with a stick!” Sebastian returned to his seat, letting Malcom perch on his lap and assist him in unwrapping gifts. The party resumed, though Ser Aaron seemed to still be on edge and Professor Kenric wasn't above making underhanded comments to him. I watched as Varric took the knight out for a bit of fresh air, Sebastion calling for the musicians to begin playing for a distraction. Malcolm clapped along to the music while a few of the nobles took up dancing in the space next to the table. I watched my son rush to Sebastian's side, begging for a dance while pushing a noblewoman, who seemed to be flirting with the prince, aside. Sebastion chuckled, bowing to the toddler and lifting him in his arms, spinning around the dance floor.

“May I have this dance, milady?” I looked over to see Garrett bowing to me, gracing me with one of his rakish grins. I hesitated for a moment before sliding my hands into his and allowing myself to be pulled to my feet. We swayed along to the music, keeping out movements simple.

“I love you,” Garrett said suddenly. “You know that, right?”

“Of course,” I said. “I love you, too.”

“I haven't been trying to upset you, lately,” he said. “I...I'm just worried and sometimes I put my foot in my mouth. I _know_ you're trying, I know you're frustrated and I know we've been fighting a lot...”

“Garrett...”

“Let me finish,” he said, pressing a kiss to my lips. “No more fighting. No more yelling or snapping at each other. We face our problems and talk it out. I will try to keep my foot out of my mouth, I promise.”

“I promise, as well,” I said, leaning into him. Garrett smiled at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I don't want to lose you,” he said.

“You won't,” I assured. “I just...I don't mean to be so moody. I don't even realize I'm doing it.”

“How about we have a code word,” Garrett suggested. “When you're being moody I'll say...peaches.”

“Peaches?”

“Yeah, Cullen or I will just say 'peaches' and you'll know you're being grumpy and to calm down,” he said. “Sound good?”

“Sounds _excellent_ , my love,” I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder. "What about when you're a salty little bastard?"

"The same thing," he hummed. "Just yell peaches." I laughed, stepping closer to him. “By the way, what's up with you and Iz?”

“We're just friends,” I said. “That's all Iz wants is my friendship.”

“And occasionally your body,” he pointed out. 

“We've talked about it. She's adamant that she doesn't want anything more. She's on the move too much for anything else.”

“Well, I won't complain,” he said. “You need more female friends and it's hot to watch you two.” I glanced over as I saw Ser Aaron rejoin the party, noticeably more relaxed. Varric winked at me and I nodded to him. Vaea had gotten our spies out. Now she just had to get the journal and the mission would be complete. I had wanted to go with Vaea, provide a distraction in case we were caught. Who would suspect the pregnant Seer of the Inquisition of espionage? But Cullen and Garrett had refused to let me in light of my poor health. 

Dinner commenced, rich dishes I mostly picked at. Malcolm was fussy, glancing over at me frequently. I tried to appear relaxed so he would calm, but it was hard. A headache spike beneath my temples and got worse as the evening wore on. I also couldn't shake the feeling that I was forgetting something vital.

I vaugely noticed Seneschal Granger leave the party before the pain became too great to bare.

" _Mamae_!" Malcolm was shouting and I couldn't figure out why until I was being hauled into strong arms. I had slumped forward on the table. 

"Baby, what is it?" asked Garrett's concerned voice.

"Hurts," I slurred, squinting against the seemingly blinding light in the room. It suddenly occurred to me what I had forgotten and I instantly felt foolish. "Tevinter, in the palace." 

"What?" Sebastian gasped.

"Going for...your room," I whimpered. "Killing guards...Garrett...hurts..."

"I know, baby," he cooed, holding me tightly.

"Mamae!" Malcolm sobbed.

"Call the doctor and alert the guards!" Sebastian barked. Garrett lifted me up and made his way quickly to our room, Cullen following after asking Varric to watch Malcolm for a moment. The Templar had shed his coat and dropped it over my head for which I was eternally grateful for. Our room was darkened and the healer had all the lights doused but one that was set at the far corner of the room. I vomited up my meager meal before sobbing into the pillows. The healer gave me a potion that eased some of my pain and told me to rest.

"You must stop crying, love," Cullen cooed, stroking my side. "It will only make the pain worse."

"I forgot," I whimpered. "I forgot about the Tevinter. I forgot and now those guards are dead!"

"Baby, that's not your fault," Garrett soothed, petting my hair.

"But I should have said something!" I wept. "I should have _remembered_!"

"Wait...you told me that you weren't a Seer," Cullen said. "You played games, read books...you more...researched this world." I sniffled, looking at Cullen in the dim light, puzzled.

"Yes," I said. "That's right." His eyes grew wide and his lips moved, though he didn't speak. Finally, he seemed to compose himself.

" _Everything_ you've been telling us...is from _memory_?" he stammered. I nodded.

"Andraste's ass," Garrett breathed. "I didn't even think of that!"

"My love," Cullen half groaned, half laughed. "I...you are so _hard_ on yourself! You can't _possibly_ be expected to recall _every_ little thing! Oh, my sweet girl." Cullen lay beside me, kissing my cheeks and rubbing my stomach.

"But it was really _important_ ," I said. "People died!"

"People die every day," Garrett said gently. "You can't do anything about that either." I tore from them and stood, pacing despite the pain in my skull that felt like a jackhammer.

" _No_! I just need to do better!" I snapped. "People shouldn't die when I can stop it! I should have _remembered_! I should have..." The ground tilted and I collapsed. My shoulder hit the marble floor making me scream and my head collided with a table leg. Cullen and Garrett cried out in panic. I turned and threw up before the world succumbed to blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our girl's really hard on herself, isn't she?


	104. Rainbow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last chapter for today. I got some niiiice pictures coming for you guys...some naughty pictures. Hehe.
> 
> **WARNING**  
>  Mentions of 'Daddy' kink

I came awake slowly, aware that I was no longer in pain. I let out a sigh and opened my eyes, looking around.

"Ah, you're awake." I looked over and saw Varric sitting in a chair on the far side of the room, writing by the light of a single candle. He smiled at me, setting his notebook aside and standing.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Much better, thank you," I replied, easing myself into a sitting position.

"Is you're head better?"

" _Much_ ," I hummed.

"Do you mind if I shine some light in here?" he asked, motioning to the candleabras. I nodded and he took up the single candle, using it to light the others until the room was brighter. He set the candle back where he got it and paused, his hand hovering over his notebook.

"Look, Michelle," he began and I looked up. Varric hardly _ever_ used my given name. "I'm not one to stick my nose into other peoples business, but I can't remain silent anymore."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Garrett...He...he _worships_ the ground you walk on," Varric said, turning to look at me. "You know that, right?" I blushed and looked down at my hands.

"I know," I said softly. 

"He would move the stars themselves if he thought it would make you happy and I don't mean that as just a turn of phrase. He would seriously try to figure out how to do it if you asked."

"I know."

"I've never seen him treat anyone as tenderly as he treats you and Cullen, _you_ especially," Varric went on. "He's been infatuated with you from the moment he laid eyes on you. Trust me. He told me _all_ about it after you left to give Cassandra a talking to that day you met him on the battlements." Varric gently closed his notebook, looking at where his hand rested on the leather binding. "You being so ill is _torture_ for him. He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't feel like anything he does helps and it seems like the more he tries to help you, the more you pull away..."

"He told you this?" I asked softly.

"Not in so many words," Varric replied. "Just...give him a break, all right?"

"I guess I have been a bit difficult lately," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"And for Maker's sake, rely on him a little," Varric huffed. "You have a man that would do anything for you and you won't let him help you. He needs you to, for his piece of mind."

"I...I'll try," I said, plucking at the tip of my index finger. "I'm not used to having to rely on anyone really."

"Well, let the man take care of you," Varric said. "And Cullen, too. This all goes the same for Cullen as well. That man has loved you since you landed in Haven and now he finally has you. Let him pamper and worship you like he's been dying to do for the better part of three years." I blushed and twisted the skirt of my dress between my fingers.

"I'll try," I said. "I will. I promise." Varric tucked his notebook under his arm and walked over to me, taking my hand and pressing a kiss to the back.

"Thank you," he said. "Do you think you're well enough to travel?"

"Yes," I said. 

"Then get changed," Varric said. "We leave in a few hours."

"So soon?" I asked. "How long did I sleep?"

"Several hours," Varric replied and my jaw dropped.

" _Several hours_!" I cried. "Why did my husbands' let me sleep so long?"

"Because you needed it," Varric replied simply. "I'll go let them know you're up. Malcolm has been in a right state. One of the few times I've seen him so unhappy."

"I'll change quickly," I said with a nod. Varric left and I hurriedly stripped off my dress and changed into my breeches and a loose, off the shoulder blouse. Normally I would wear a corset with the blouse, but I decided to forgo one in light of my growing stomach.

  
Just as I was smoothing my shirt out, the door burst open and a wailing Malcolm came running in. I stooped down and held out my arms, tightly hugging my sobbing son.

"Mamae! Mamae!" he wept, pressing his face into my neck almost painfully.

"Shhhh, it's all right, love," I soothed, standing. Garrett and Cullen walked in, looking a little haggard.

"Mamae, I was scared," Malcolm bawled. "Mamae so white. Mamae so sick!"

"I'm fine, my love," I cooed, stroking his hair. "I'm okay. It was just a headache. Mamae's all better." I rocked him, sitting on the bed so he was on my lap. He pressed his face between my breast, his mouth open as he wailed.

"Malcolm," I said softly, but firmly. "Look at Mamae." He sniffed and scrubbed his face, looking up at me as his shoulders shook.

"Mamae's fine," I soothed. "See? Mamae's okay, my sweet baby. I just needed to lay down and take a little nap. I'm sorry if I scared you, my little dragon. Do you forgive me?" His sobs slowed until he was just hiccuping and he nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his chubby little fist. 

"I love you, Mamae," he whimpered. 

"I love you, too, my sweet child," I said, using my kerchief to clean his face. "More than I can ever say."

"He's been fussy," Garrett sighed, flopping into a chair. "He kept asking when he could come to be with you."

"Why didn't you guys just let him climb into bed with me? I asked.

"Because we wanted you to get some _actual_ sleep," Cullen said, dropping beside me on the bed. 

"He could have taken a nap with me," I said. "He sounds like he needs one." Malcolm yawned and nestled against my chest, his arms around my ribs.

"He was too upset," Garrett said. "We didn't want to disturb you." I smiled and shook my head.

"Next time, _let_ me be disturbed, please," I said. "I don't want him kept away from me like that. It upsets him too much."

"If you want," Garrett sighed. "Just...you'll let us know if he gets to be too much?"

"Of course," I assured. I stood, shifting Malcolm to my hip and tossing my dress into my bag. Cullen reached for Malcolm, but the little boy shrieked and clung to me tightly.

"Baby," I cooed. "None of that. Mamae can't carry you around like this. You're too big and I'm pregnant. You can walk or Papa or Babae can carry you, but Mamae can't carry you."

"Don't wanna leave Mamae," he whimpered.

"You can stay with Mamae," I assured him. "You can ride with Mamae in the cart if you like, but you need to walk right now."

"Yes, Mamae," he said reluctantly, letting himself be set on the floor. He kept close to me as the men grabbed up the majority of the bags while I grabbed any last minute items and tossed them in one of the smaller bags. I went to reach for said bag, but Malcolm jumped in front of me, seizing the bag and hefting it over his shoulder.

"I got it!" he said. "I carry it!" I looked down at him, eyeing the bag that almost swept the floor. It wasn't heavy for me, but I knew it weighed just enough to make it less than easy for my son.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Mamae can get it."

"No! I got it! I carry!" Malcolm snapped, his chin jutting out in determination. I tried not to laugh, covering my mouth with my hand.

"Very well, my love," I said. "You can carry it." I led him out of the room and towards the stables. The men were readying the cart and started laughing at the sight of Malcolm strolling behind me with my bag.

"Aren't you the little helper?" Varric asked, taking the bag from the toddler and dropping it in the cart with the rest.

"Mamae needs rest," Malcolm said. "I big boy."

"Yes you are," Cullen gushed, sweeping the child into his arms. "Are you going to ride with Mamae?"

"Yes," Malcolm said. Garrett held out his hand to me to help me into the cart and I paused, pulling him down and kissing him deeply. He let out a muffled cry of surprise before moaning against my lips and slipping his tongue into my mouth. I wove my fingers into his hair, devouring his lips as his hands cupped the back of my head and my lower back. I continued to kiss him for a long moment before pulling back with a smirk.

"Thank you for taking care of me, love," I said. "And for putting up with my foul moods."

"Of course, my sweet girl," he purred, caressing my cheek. I climbed into the cart, kneeling at the edge and taking Malcolm from Cullen. I quickly tugged the Commander forward by his shirt, giving him the same kind of languid, passionate kiss I had given to Garrett. Cullen groaned, cupping my cheeks and slanting his mouth against mine. My pussy tingled at the feel of his lips on mine and I wove my fingers in his hair, pressing my breast against his chest.

"Oh Maker, get a room," Varric groaned. Cullen and I parted with a chuckle, my ex-Templar husband staring at me adoringly.

"I love you," I said. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain."

"You're not, baby girl," he purred and I shivered.

"Daddy," I sighed and he smirked, leaning in and trailing his lips over my neck.

"When we get home both your Daddy's are going to take care of their girl," he promised in a voice like pure sin.

"Yessss," I hissed, rubbing my breast against his chest sensually.

"Rest, love," Cullen said, pulling back from me. I reclined back against the mound of pillows and blankets the men had set up for me, Malcolm curling up against me and almost immediately falling asleep. I stroked my fingers through his hair, smiling.

"My poor boy," I cooed.

"He's been a wreck," Garrett sighed as he pulled his horse up beside the cart. "We tried to get him to sleep, but he kept waking up calling for you."

"You shouldn't have kept him away," I said. 

"I won't make that mistake again," Garrett sighed, rubbing his hand over his face before turning to me with a gentle smile. "Our children are so lucky to have such a wonderful mother." I flushed and looked down at our son.

"They have two amazing father's, as well," I reminded him. Garrett smiled and looked over at a blushing Cullen. I giggled, reclining back against the pillows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Varric is such a bro. He's got the Hawke-Rutherford family's back.


	105. Never Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanted to ask what your guys favorite thing that the trio do sexually is.  
> Do you like the Daddy kink, the rape kink, the heavy BDSM, the light BDSM or just the regular sex? What warnings make you guys squeal like 'Fuck yeah!' ?
> 
>  _words_ = Elvish

I looked around, desperately trying to figure out how I was back in the other world.

“This is a dream,” I said.

“For the last time, _no it's not_!” Madison sighed. “The other world was a dream. I'm sorry, but it was.” I looked around my place of work, seeing the rows of tables with bars positioned to hold the dog's heads in place. Cabinets set next to the tables, clippers, and shears laid out, ready for use. The windows were dark, showing the sun hadn't even risen yet. I had opened the Salon with Madison, logging into the computers, ready for work before it had dawned on me just how wrong this was.

“Look, I'm starting to get worried over this obsession of yours,” Madison said.

“I'll _prove_ it,” I said suddenly, moving to take my shirt off.

“Woah! Stop!” Madison grabbed my hands and stilled them. “You can't strip in public.”

“But the scars...” I said.

“There are no _scars_! This has to stop!” There was a gentle tingle of bells that indicated the door was opening and a deep voice said;

"I couldn't agree more." I turned, seeing Solas standing in the little lobby of the salon, his hands clasped behind his back. He appeared so out of place, like someone coming from a convention to pick up their dog. His blue gaze traveled over the room curiously before landing on Madison and me.

" _Papa_ ," I gasped, opening the little half door and rushing to him. He opened his arms wide as I collided with his chest, basking in the comfort of his embrace.

" _Little heart_ ," he cooed, stroking my hair and kissing my cheek. Madison stood, his upper lip curled as he sneered at Solas.

"You! How _dare_ you interfere?" my twin hissed. My father's eyes glowed an electric blue as he held out his hand, palm up.

"You have tormented my daughter long enough, foul creature," he spat, fire blossoming in his palm. Madison morphed into a desire demon, jumping back from us.

"I almost had her," the demon snarled.

"I admit I am surprised," my father said, stepping around me to stand between me and the demon. "I would have thought a fear demon from Garrett's letter."

"Desire comes in many forms," the demon taunted, eyeing the fireball. "If she thought her happiness was a dream, she would wish to dream forever."

"Shame your choice of victim," my father growled, reaching out lightning fast and seizing the demon by the neck. She shrieked in agony, thrashing in my father's grip as the fire burned her flesh away. Solas watched this with a cold detachment, releasing her when it was clear there was no way for her to save herself. He gave a wave of his hand and the ashes scattered, disappearing into nothingness.

"Babae..." I said. "I...how...what...?" My father turned to me with a warm smile, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Garrett sent me a letter telling me of the nightmares and how they have been affecting you," he explained, stroking my cheek. "Your son also called to me in the Fade, rather panicked. I knew it had to be a demon."

"Thank you," I said with a sob, burying myself in his arms.

" _Little heart_ ," he cooed, sinking to the floor so he could pull me into his lap. It felt silly to be cradled like a child by my father at thirty, but the tidal wave of stress and frustration finally broke free and I couldn't stop the torrential tears that poured down my cheeks.

I calmed slowly, my sobs dying down to hiccups and finally shuddering sighs. I leaned against my father, my eyes closed as I was soothed by his gentle hand in my hair. I wondered, not for the first time, what it would have been like for Solas to have raised Madison and I. Would I have gotten this as a small child when I scrapped my knee's, or as a young teenager when my heart had been broken? Would he have hummed softly to me as he did now while he tucked me into bed, grinning as I struggled to remain awake?

"Interesting place," he said softly, drawing me from my thoughts. I looked up and nodded, smiling at him.

"I used to work here," I said. "I loved my job. Sometimes I miss it, miss the people I used to work with."

“Perhaps you could show me,” he suggested.

“How?”

“This is your dream, my child. You control it,” he explained. “Imagine it as it was.” I closed my eyes, picturing the sun pouring in from the windows, my co-workers at their tables, grooming dogs while they laughed and joked. Black smocks and pants covered in dog hair while the buzz of clippers and the roar of dryers from the back permeated the air. I opened my eyes and found the scene I had pictured, familiar faces smiling at me.

"Who's this?" Kelly asked, flipping her brown hair out of her face.

"My Papa," I said, rising to my feet.

"Nice to meet you," Lori chirped.

"Your dad looks like a mountain sage," Ronda teased.

"He is," Madison said as he walked into the Salon. "He tells us to take the pebble from his hand." I looked at my twin, unsure if it was really him or if he was part of the dream. He winked and pulled me into a hug, landing a smacking kiss on my lips.

"Hey, sis. Miss me?"

"Nope," I said, realizing it was really my brother.

"Lies," he snorted, pulling away and stepping behind the door. I took my father's hand, pulling him into the work area.

"Come, Papa," I urged. My father followed me, his lips pulled into a smile as he watched me get my dogs from their kennels and begin grooming them. He sat on one of the unused tables, his gaze flitting from one person to the next as we talked and joked. The mood was light and jovial, laughter filling the room as we talked. Madison seemed to enjoy the familiar settings just as I did, taking up his tools and working on his own dogs even though he knew this was a dream. My father stood and moved to my side, watching me work.

"You're very good," he commented. "It's a very cute cut."

"I'm all right," I said with a shrug. My father eyed me for a moment before leaning against the wall and casting his gaze down the rows of tables at the other groomers.

“I can see why you loved this place,” he said. “The people are very friendly and the atmosphere is jovial.”

“We worked a high-stress job with the threat of injury by dog attack every day. We had to keep it light or we'd go insane,” I explained, running my fingers over the back of the dog I was working on.

“You miss it?” he asked.

“I do,” I said. “But I love my life now. I wouldn't give up what I have.” Strong arms encircled me, pulling me against his chest.

“It is not a bad thing to miss it, to miss these people or this place,” he said. “It was a part of your life, something that made you happy.”

“It was,” I said. “I miss them. I loved them. But I love my life now and I wouldn't give that up. Even if I could go back, I wouldn't.” I suddenly felt a calm wash over me, a calm I hadn't felt in ages. I wasn't afraid anymore. There was no way for me to return to my world, there never would be. I missed some things about it, but that was okay. I missed it because I had loved it. I missed the people I had grown close to, but they would never truly be gone. I held them in my memories, in my heart.

“It's time to wake up, my dear,” Solas said, reaching down and cupping my cheek.

"Will I see you again tonight?" I asked. "You and Madison?"

"Of course," he soothed, kissing my brow once more. "Your brother and I will come find you, my dear. Now wake up and let your husbands and child know you are well."

“Yes, Babae,” I said.

I opened my eyes slowly, seeing the rising sun filtering through the curtains. I turned my head and saw Garrett sleeping peacefully on one side of me, his arm tucked under the pillows. I felt his arm over my stomach, fingers twisted in my nightgown. I looked to my other side and saw Cullen laying there, amber eyes open and a smile on his face.

“Sleep well?” he asked. “You were laughing in your sleep.”

“I did,” I said, taking his hand. “I slept very well. I don't think I'll have any more nightmares.” His smile widened at this. I reached over, pulling him to me in a deep kiss. Cullen grunted in surprise before allowing himself to be pulled over me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, threading my fingers through his hair as I continued to plunder his mouth, holding onto him tightly. Garrett groaned and rolled over, looking at us.

“Was goin on?” he slurred. Cullen pulled away, cupping his cheek.

“Our wife slept very well last night,” he said.

“She did?” he asked, yawning. I watched as the words registered and his eyes flew open. He sat up in bed, turning to us. “You did?”

“I did,” I sighed. “I slept _wonderfully_.” Garrett rolled to his knee's looking at me excitedly.

“Really?” I nodded and he dove down, stealing my lips in a hot kiss of his own.

“I'm so glad,” he murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I set up a Tumblr for all the art I do for this story! Yaaaay!
> 
> https://bunny-mommy.tumblr.com/
> 
> It is set as explicit so I think you have to be logged in to Tumblr to access it. Sorry. I wish I didn't have to set it up like that, but if I don't and I get reported, it gets taken down. :(
> 
> As always, much love to you guys.


	106. Call me Daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cracks knuckles*  
>  **WARNING!!**  
>  Daddy kink, anal sex, babygirl dress up, sloppy sex, forced orgasm, dirty talk and porn pictures.
> 
> Enjoy!

Garrett and Cullen were horrified to find I had been plagued by a demon but relieved when I told them it had been destroyed and my father assured me he would keep watch. I slept like a baby the next few nights, exploring the fade with my father and brother and taking to exploring old libraries with them. Our father had much to show us, a never-ending wealth of knowledge that I basked in. It was during one such journey that I was struck with an idea. The moment I was up, I set to work, recruiting Isabela and Orana in my scheme. They had been giddy when I told them about it, Orana declaring the entire thing romantic. I kicked the boys out of the house, telling them to return at nightfall. They had shrugged and walked off, looking for something to amuse themselves. I had asked Aveline if she and Donnic would watch Malcolm for the night. Donnic had happily agreed before the words were even fully out of my mouth, extending his arms for the toddler who gladly went to him. One thing Malcolm had learned early on is that he had his Uncle Donnic wrapped around his little finger. The man doted on the boy, readily giving in to almost any request the child had. Aveline shook her head as Donnic peppered my giggling son's cheeks with kisses.

I had spent the day with Orana cooking, making things from my world as best I could with the ingredients I had. I told Orana she didn't need to help, but she had insisted. I had given her the night off, not that she planned to leave the estate for more than a late night stroll. I wished I could get her interested in the world outside the walls of the manor, but the elven woman didn't know what to do outside and any attempt to get her to socialize had ended with her in panicked tears. When the table was set, a quick spell keeping the dishes piping hot, Isabela had dragged me to the bedroom, showing me a bag she had brought filled with clothes, jewelry, and makeup. I bathed, scrubbing myself until I had cleaned every bit of dirt from my skin before rubbing myself down with a perfumed oil that smelled of roses. My hair had been set to curl properly while Isabela and I went through the clothes she brought and my own wardrobe. I picked out a sheer pink negligee with white lace lining a ruffled bottom. Satan cups with more ruffles and lace hung low on my heavy breast, my nipples almost peeking out. Beneath my breast, a ribbon was tied with a great white bow in the front. Isabela tied white ribbons around my ankles as well, helping apply some light make up to my face. Once the sun started setting she scrambled to help me clean everything up before dashing out the back door with a parting kiss. I queued up a playlist on my cell phone and jammed it into the metal tube I used as a speaker before ducking into the dining room. I heard the door open and the guy's voices as they talked.

“Man you _suck_ as cards,” Garrett laughed.

“Kiss my ass, Hawke,” Cullen grumbled.

“Stop _begging_...baby? Man, what smells good?”

“Is she playing music?”

“Wait, I recognize this...It's...uhm...Ed Shenran?”

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“He sings romance songs. She usually only plays him for special occasions...”

“Special what?”

“Last time she played it was when we married you.”

“Is _that_ who that was? Where _is_ she? Darling?”

“Baby, where are you hiding?” I stepped out into the living room, smiling at them.

“ _Maker's breath_ ,” Cullen gasped. Garrett spun around, having been peeking in the library.

 _“Andraste's flaming tits,”_ he said. “Baby...I... _what_ is this?”

“A date,” I said, looking up at them shyly from beneath my painted lashes, " _Daddies_." Garrett's breath caught in his throat and Cullen groaned.

"We're _married_ , princess," Cullen said, his voice a deep rumble in his chest that made my thighs twitch.

“All the more reason for us to have dates nights,” I said. “Malcolm is spending the night with Aveline and Donnic, Orana has the night off, she helped me make some food from my world...and I plan on being sandwiched between you two later.”

“I didn't even know you _could_ cook,” Cullen said.

“Well, I never have to,” I said. “At Skyhold, there are chefs and here we have Orana who damn near had a panic attack when I tried to kick her out of the kitchen.”

“Well it smells great,” Garrett said, rubbing his hands together. “We're starving. And you look so _damn_ fuckable.”

"Perhaps we should have dessert _first_ ," Cullen hummed, eyeing me with open desire.

"As _tempting_ as that is," Garrett purred, throwing an arm around Cullen's shoulders and pulling him close, "We should probably eat so we have the energy to fully _wreck_ our little girl."

"You have a point," Cullen said. "It's tempting, though."

" _Very_ tempting," Garrett agreed. "Our sweet princess looks so damn _cute_."

"Let's hurry and eat," Cullen moaned, reaching down to adjust himself. "I want to bury my tongue in her little pussy."

"C'mon," Garrett chuckled, pulling away from Cullen and walking towards the dining room. I laughed at them, shaking my head. They really were rubbing off on each other. Each man came over and gave me a deep, toe-numbing kiss before ducking into the dining room.  
I had wanted to make something they would never have had so I had gone with Asian food. Orana had managed to get a hold of some rice and I had made Teriyaki Chicken, or as close to it as I could get, with vegetable stirfry. I had managed to make ice cream with some rock salt and an ice spell. Orana had been floored by the confection and I had made sure to make extra for her.

I watched with baited breath as they eyed the food before taking careful bites. Garrett's eyes went wide as he chewed, looking up at me.

"Holy shit," he said. "This is...really good!"

"Maker, love," Cullen said, shoving some stirfry in his mouth. "What is this?"

"Teriyaki Chicken and Stirfry," I said, pleased they enjoyed it.

"It's delicious," Cullen groaned, taking a bite of the chicken.

"You need to cook more," Garrett said. "How did you _hide_ this from me?"

"I didn't _hide_ it," I laughed, digging into my own plate. "I just never had a chance to cook."

"If everything you make is this good, I'm going to beg you to cook for us," Cullen said, taking a bite of rice with some vegetables on it. "You're going to make me fat, princess." I smirked, blushing. Garrett reached over the table, taking my hand and swallowing the food in his mouth so he could place a loud smacking kiss on my knuckles.

"Even after being married for years, you still surprise me, precious," he said.

"I'm glad you like it," I said shyly. "I was worried you wouldn't."

"It's fantastic, love," Cullen assured, taking my hand from Garrett and kissing it as well. "Will you cook for us more?"

"Sure," I said with a smile. In truth, I had missed cooking. It had been difficult to get the dish together since they used different spices in Thedas, but Isabela and Orana had helped me and some careful tasting of spices had allowed me to figure out what was the closest to what I needed. My husbands inhaled their food, asking for seconds eagerly.

"Leave some room for dessert," I laughed.

"You made dessert?" Garrett asked, surprised. "Mmmm. I'm torn, Cull."

"Me too," the Commander said. "I want more but I really want to try the desert."

"I made plenty of food," I chuckled. "You guys can get more later from the icebox if you want."

"Desert it is, then," Cullen declared, setting his plate aside.

“I made ice cream,” I told them, retrieving the chilled bowls from the kitchen.

“Iced cream?” Cullen asked, eyeing the bowl. I watched as they took tentative bites of the food, eyes going wide at the flavor. I had wanted to make chocolate but hadn't been able to make syrup so I went with Vanilla, breaking up some pieces of chocolate into the mix.

“Eat slowly!” I cried, only for them both to groan and grip their heads.

“Ouuuuw,” Garrett hissed through gritted teeth while Cullen thumped his hand on the table. I laughed softly, pouring them both steaming cups of tea. They sipped at the tea until the brain freeze subsided.

“What was that?” Garrett asked, rubbing his temples.

“There's a nerve in the roof of your mouth that, when exposed to constant cold sends pain signals to your brain,” I explained. “We called it brain freeze where I came from.”

“I'm afraid now,” Garrett said.

“Just eat it slowly,” I said. I was glad I hadn't put much in the bowls and we finished our meal quickly, Rascal Flatts' 'The Broken Road' playing softly in the background. I took the plates into the kitchen, putting any leftovers in the icebox. I went to wash the dishes, but the men called out that they'd get it, coming into the kitchen.

“No, I'll get it,” I insisted, shooing them to the sitting room.

“But you cooked and everything,” Garrett protested.

“Orana helped and it's just the plates we used,” I said. “Orana already cleaned up everything else. Go, sit and relax. I'll be there in a moment.” They hesitated and I turned to face them, scowling.

"I want to do the dishes," I said firmly. "I did all this so you'd let me take care of you like you both take care of me. Now, _please_ go sit down?"

“All right,” Cullen said, casting me one last look before following Garrett out of the room. It took me barely any time to wash the dishes and I was soon walking into the sitting room, finding Cullen sprawled out on the couch with Garrett's head on his stomach. They were listening to the music that played, the playlist having looped around. As I entered the room, John Legend's 'All of Me' faded out and Ed Sheeran's 'Perfect' came on. Garrett turned to me and smile spreading across his lips. He stood, holding out his hand to me. I took it, giggling as he began spinning me around the room in a dance to the music, singing along to the song.

 

“Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song  
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath  
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight.” I shivered at Garrett's deep voice softly singing in my ear. I loved it when he sang. He had a beautiful voice and I begged him to sing to me often. I felt his lips trail over my eyes and cheeks before finally settling on my mouth. Tears filled my eyes as Garrett's deep voice sang along to the song, his hands sliding along my waist. I loved him so much, more than I thought I could love someone. And when I didn't think I could love more, he gave me Malcolm. I, who had thought she wasn't capable of love, who had never known what it was like to have someone truly treasure me. Garrett, who accepted every part of me with open arms.

“Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song  
I have faith in what I see  
Now I know I have met an angel in person  
And she looks perfect  
I don't deserve this  
You look perfect tonight.” The song came to an end and I pulled away from him, carefully dabbing my eyes. He smiled, cupping my cheek and kissing me once more before gently pushing me into Cullen's arms. Cullen stared down at me and I saw Garrett messing with my phone briefly before another song cut off 'Thinking Out Loud'. I leaned in, kissing Cullen deeply as Rascal Flatt's 'Broken Road' began to play.

Cullen began to twirl me around, his steps a little more halted then Garrett's. I smiled when I realized Cullen was singing along to the song.

“How do you know the words?” I asked.

“Garrett's been introducing me to the wonders of your music,” he chuckled. I smiled, listening to him sing. Cullen had a wonderful singing voice as well, though he rarely sang for us, usually only doing so if it was a Chantry song and we started it.

“This much I know is true,   
That God blessed the broken road,  
That led me straight to you,” he sang, his lips brushing over mine. I looked into amber eyes and saw the reason Garrett had changed it to this song. Kinloch tower, Ulred, The Gallows, Kirkwall, Meredith. For Cullen these things were the broken road, the path he had fought through time and again, thinking he had found purpose in his life only to be betrayed. Everything had led him here, to this moment, wrapped in my arms, his child in my belly. I realized I had traveled my own broken road, betrayed time and again by those who should have loved me and held me dear, beaten and made to bow, made to feel like I wasn't capable of love.

The tears I had managed to hold at bay fell as I thought of how much I loved Cullen. I had known if Garrett hadn't gotten me first I would have married him, but now I had him as well and it didn't take away from my love for Garrett, only added to it. I hadn't thought I could possibly love someone else the same way I did Garrett, but I was wrong. Cullen had completed us. I couldn't imagine life without him. I recalled the image from the game of Cullen on the street's begging for Lyrium and I tightened my grip on him, pressing my face into his neck. Cullen was my own knight in shining armor. He'd always been there for me, from the moment I had fallen through the rift. He had carried my twin brother to safety, soothed me when I was scared,  comforted me when I was sad, protected me when I was in danger, even if it was from myself and when he had thought it would make me happy, he stepped aside, keeping his feelings to himself. I kissed him desperately, throwing my arms around his neck. We stopped dancing and Cullen pulled me close lifting me slightly so I had to stand on my toes. I felt his fingers on the straps of the negligee, pulling it down so my breast spilled free.

" _Baby girl_ ," he growled and I whined low in my throat.

" _Daddy_ ," I sighed. Cullen grabbed my hips, lifting me up so I was forced to wrap my legs around his waist. I saw Garrett tossing throw pillows onto the stretch of floor before the fireplace.

“We won't make it to the bed,” he said. I smirked, deciding not to tell them I had snuck the tiniest bit of that root into their tea. Cullen eased me back onto the floor, trailing kisses down my stomach. He got to the hem of the gown and lifted it, pausing when he saw the white lace panties that were tied around my hips with a white ribbon over a carefully waved vulva. He moaned, moving between my legs and trailing his tongue over my lace covered slit. I rolled my hips, bringing my knee's up when his tongue moved around the thin string of fabric and pushed inside me.

" _Daddy_ ," I whimpered, gripping the backs of my knees.

"My girl has such a _sweet_ pussy," Cullen groaned. He pulled back, tugging open the bow with a flick of his wrist and jerking the garment down my hips. He tossed the wade of lace at Garrett who brought it to his face and inhaled before holding them up to look at them.

“I need to have all your smalls replaced with these,” he said.

“Don't you dare,” I panted. Cullen mouthed, 'Do it!' to him and I playfully slapped his chest. He looked down at me with a grin, easing himself on top of me. I squirmed when I felt his cock press against me, smearing my skin with precum.

"I'll do what I want, princess," he said sweetly. "Remember that time I _fingered_ you during a war table conference? Remeber how I pushed your pants down the moment the others had left and shoved my cock into you?"

" _Oh fuck_ , I missed this?" Garrett growled.

"She squirted and came the moment I sank my cock into her," Cullen chuckled darkly. "So I kept fucking her until she did it three more times."

" _Mmmm_ , I want to see that," Garrett cooed. Cullen smirked and set me on the coffee table, kneeling before me. He lined up his cock and pushed in, his thumb rubbing my clit.

"I want my sweet girl cumming and squirting multiple times tonight," Cullen murmured against my neck as he sucked on the tender skin. "So you have free reign, _princess_. Cum on Daddy's cock whenever you wish." My eyes rolled back as I did just that, keening. Cullen sucked harshly as my neck as one hand moved to knead my breast.

"Oh, such a good girl," he praised, rolling his hips. "So _good_ for Daddy." I fell back on the table and Cullen gripped behind my knee's, pushing them up and spreading my legs wide. He licked his lips as his gaze fell to where we were joined, watching his cock plunge in and out of my soaked hole.

"Look at that cunny," he moaned. "It that _Daddy's_ pregnant little cunny?"

"Yes!" I wailed, bucking up into him. "It's _your_ pregnant little pussy, Daddy! Please. Fuck it, Daddy."

"Garrett," Cullen moaned. "She's leaking." Garrett groaned and moved to my side, sliding his arm under my back and his lips latched on to one of my dribbling breasts. He took great gulps of milk, moving his hand between my legs to rub my pearl in tight circles. The scrape of his beard against my tender breast along with the warm wetness of his mouth on my nipple was too much for me. It had been too long since we had been together like this and my entire body was over-sensitive. I orgasmed again, my entire body jerking as I clamped down around Cullen cock.

"Mmm, our princess is cumming so hard, Garrett," Cullen said.

"Is her little hole still milking you?" Garrett asked.

"Maker, yes," Cullen groaned. "It hasn't stopped since her first orgasm."

"Daddy," I cried, thrashing. "Fill me, Daddy. Fill my pregnant little pussy!"

"Oh _shit_ ," Cullen swore, jerking his hips faster so his cock pistoned in and out of me. "Cum again for me, baby. Daddy needs to feel that sweet little pussy cumming." I arched my back, wailing as my channel spasmed. Cullen thrust into me hard before letting out a guttural cry as his seed bathed my insides. His lips found mine in a slow, sweet kiss before he eased his cock from me.   
Garrett took his place, sitting back on his feet and pulling me into his lap. His cock quickly slid inside me, causing me to grip his shoulders tightly.

“Sorry, baby,” he cooed. “Gotta keep you full.” I pressed my face into his shoulder, moaning and rolling my hips against his. He gave a breathy chuckle in my ear, his fingers skimming along my spine.

“She likes that idea.”

“Good.”

Garrett lifted me up and eased us back to the pillows, carefully tucking his knees under him so I sat astride him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I lifted up and fell on his cock, trying to do so quickly but unable to because of my added bulk. Garrett didn't seem to mind the slower pace as he dipped his head and sucked at my breast, drinking down my milk with a muffled moan.

"Look at you riding Daddy, princess," Garret said in a soft tone. "I can feel all of Daddy Cullen's cum in this _sweet_ little hole. We're going to fill you up with so much cum tonight, baby girl." I shivered, clamping down around him in orgasm as my nails dug into his shoulders.

"Mmmm, that feels _so_ good, sweetness," Garrett murmured, placing sucking kisses on my neck. I trembled as Garrett eased me onto my back, his cock still firmly inside me.

"Hey Cull, how many times as she cum?"

"Four," Cullen replied.

"What's the most we've made her cum?"

"I think it was eight," Cullen hummed, leaning over and stealing my lips in a sweet kiss.

"Let's go for nine...or better yet... _ten_!"

" _Mmm_!"

"No, don't fight, princess," Garrett cooed as I thrashed beneath him and Cullen. "Just keep cumming on Daddy's cock." Cullen's fingers found my clit and it wasn't long before I was squirting again as Garrett rammed his cock into me.

"Look at how sweet you look," Cullen moaned against my neck. "You're soaked in sweat with your little gown bunched up at your waist and that hot little slit overflowing with cum."

" _Yes_ ," Garrett snarled. "We've wrecked her. Her fucking makeup's running. _Fuck, fuck._ Oh _damn_ , baby girl. You're crying. You're fucking _crying_." Cullen pulled back as Garrett's hips slammed into mine, honey-colored eyes staring at my makeup smeared face.

"Daddy!" I panted. "Daddy. Daddy. Cumming!"

"Fuck _yes_ ," Garrett snarled, gripping my hips and fucking me with abandon until I was orgasming on his cock while he pumped me full of seed. Cullen pressed tender kisses to my shoulders as Garrett rolled his hips lazily.

"Shit, I'm still hard," the mage swore as he fought to catch his breath. "Oh, baby girl. Feel what you do to me." My back arched sharply at the over stimuli, my hips bouncing as my legs fell open.

"Roll over," Cullen instructed as he pulled back from us. "I want to fill that little asshole of hers with cum, too."

"You're gonna be such a _mess_ , princess," Garrett moaned as he pulled me up and over him so I sat astride his hips. I lay against his chest, using the opportunity to catch my breath. Cullen pulled my ass cheeks apart, his tongue pressing to my back hole.

" _Dirty_ ," I whimpered into Garrett's neck.

"You're probably the cleanest person in all of Thedas, princess," he teased. "Let your other Daddy lick that sweet hole before he fills it with his cock." I squirmed and they laughed.

"Is our princess just _dying_ to be full?" Cullen asked, nipping at the ring of muscles before gently easing his tongue inside, coaxing my hole to relax.

"Yes, yes, yes," I sobbed, bouncing my hips.

"Oh fuck," Garrett groaned, throwing his head back as I fucked myself shallowly on his throbbing cock. "Oh _shit_ , we raised a little _slut_." Cullen sat back and spit on my hole a few times before pressing the head inside.

I shivered as the tip popped in and my body adjusted to the feeling. Cullen held my hips in place as he pushed forward, moaning.

"How's that feel, baby girl?" Cullen snarled, tangling his fingers in my hair and pulling my head back so he could sink his teeth into my neck. I rolled my hips eagerly, my back bowed and my leaking breast bouncing.

"So good, Daddy," I whimpered. "I'm so full of cock. Your pregnant baby girl is so _full_ of her Daddies cocks." Cullen slammed forward, setting a hard pace. He lifted me up, angling his hips so when he slammed me down both he and Garrett were sheathed inside my body.

"Keep cumming," Garrett groaned, thrusting up into me. "We have a record to beat." Cullen's hands came around my ribs, pulling me so my back was flush against his chest.

"You heard your Daddy," he panted in my ear as he jerked his hips forward. " _Cum_ for us, baby."

"Daddy," I wailed, my head tilting back to land on his shoulder. "Daddy!"

" _Yes_ , princess," Cullen gasped, his voice shaking. "Such a good girl. You've been so _good_ tonight, taking care of your Daddies. But we need to you cum for us. Soak those cocks in your _sweet_ juice, princess." Garrett's thumb brushed over my bud and I was orgasming again. The men climaxed as well, their seed slipping out around their cocks. They quickly traded places after Cullen cleaned his cock. Garrett pushed me down onto Cullen's chest as he rabbit humped my ass, seeking to wrench my orgasm from me. He succeeded and it wasn't long before Cullen's pelvis was soaked. The men rolled, keeping their cocks in me and Garrett pulled my knee's up so I was completely exposed.

"Such a good girl," Garrett praised. "Almost there. Maker, we're _wrecking_ your holes, princess. You're so full of cum. Look at the mess on Daddy's cock. Cullen jerked his cum covered cock out of me, rubbing it on the inside of my thigh before sinking it back inside me. I climaxed again, screaming out my pleasure.

"I'm so proud of you, my sweet girl," Cullen moaned, sawing his cock inside me slowly. "Such a good girl. Just cum on our cocks one more time."

"Can't," I wailed.

"Oh yes you can," Cullen growled, slamming into me and grinding down. "Daddy told you to cum. Be a good girl and cum on your Daddy's cocks. Show us how _appreciative_ these holes are to be filled and messy." Garrett fisted his hand in my hair and my eyes rolled back.

"Cum on Daddy's cock like you were told, princess," he snarled in my ear. "Don't be bad now. We want that sweet little hole to give us just _one more_ orgasm before we stop fucking it. We can't stop until you climax, my sweet, precious little girl." A calloused hand cupped my stomach while fingers found my clit. My world exploded in bright white and I was letting go, my entire body seizing up as my hips jerked wildly. Fluid spilled down my ass and over Garrett's thighs and I knew Orana would need to wash the cushions. Gentle hands soothed me as I slipped into darkness, unable to remain conscious in the wake of such a powerful orgasm. I came to nestled between them, thoroughly exhausted. I was curled around Cullen with my head on his shoulder while Garrett snuggled against my back.

"Good girl," Garrett murmured in my ear and I smiled sleepily.

" _Ten_ ," Cullen slurred. "You came _ten_ times, princess." I mewled, lazily kissing Cullen's collarbone before tilting my head back.

"I want a kiss, Daddy," I said in a hoarse voice. Cullen's expression became tender and he turned, ducking his head so his lips pressed to mine in a languid kiss that was perfect for the exhausted state I was in. I pulled back and turned to Garrett, licking my saliva slick lips.

"I want one from you, too, Daddy," I pleaded and Garrett gave me a gentle smile and he rose up on his elbow, his hand cupping my cheek as his lips found mine.

" _Anything_ for you, baby girl," he said. I sighed happily against his lips. I would never tire of being kissed by them. The way their lips felt on mine and the warm wetness of their mouth was intoxicating to me. I love the rough brush of their facial hair on my cheeks and chin and the soft wet sounds of our mouths along with their sharp gasps or deep moans. Their kisses were very different but no less welcome. While Garrett would seize my lips, demanding access and fiercely dominating me with a hand on my hip or in my hair, Cullen would gently coax me into opening up for him, cupping my neck or cheek. Once I surrendered, he would moan and press harder, becoming more demanding but still trying to remain gentle.

"I love you," I whimpered, snuggling down between them, content in their arms with the feel of their multiple loads leaking out of me. "Both of you. So much."

"I love you, too, my sweet girl," Garrett said, nuzzling the nape of my neck.

"I love you, three," Cullen joked, causing Garrett to snort. The Ex-Templar smirked and reached over, pulling Garrett up and kissing him.

"Do you know how much I love to see you balls deep in our wife?" he asked when they parted.

"Mmm, probably as much as I love being balls deep in her," Garrett teased. "Or as much as I like watching you fuck her until she cries."

"Careful," Cullen said breathlessly against Garrett's lips. "You're going to make me hard again."

"No more," I mewled, shaking my head.

"Hear that, Daddy?" Cullen taunted, threading his fingers through the hair at the side of Garrett's head. "Behave. Our princess can't take any more fucking."

"In truth, neither can I," Garrett groaned. "I think my dick's broken." Cullen laughed and kissed Garrett again before flopping back on the cushions.

"It's because she slipped us some of that root," he said.

" _What_?"

"You _knew_?"

"Love, I'm was a Templar," Cullen chuckled. "We're trained to be able to detect foreign substances in our food and drink in case the mages try to poison us or drug us to escape." Garrett growled and bent down, biting my neck.

"You drugged your Daddies?" he snarled in my ear. " _Naughty_ girl."

"It was just a little," I whimpered, tilting my head to expose my neck to him.

"We're going to take a little nap, then we're going to get back to fucking our princess," Garrett purred. "I think someone needs to be punished." Garrett pulled my hips back, sliding his hand between my legs and rubbing my seed smeared holes.

"Sleep, princess," he cooed in my ear. "Get some rest. We're going to fuck you so good later."

"That's right," Cullen purred as he pressed a kiss to my brow. "We need to fill your asshole more and this sweet mouth hasn't had any cum at all." He tilted my chin up, dragging his tongue along my lower lip. I moaned, my own tongue flicking out the touch his.

"Sleep," Cullen ordered, drawing back so I couldn't reach him. "Get some rest. My sweet, _precious_ little girl."

"Thank you for everything, my love," Garrett said. "It was so sweet of you to take care of us tonight."

"Yes," Cullen agreed. "Thank you, darling."

"Anytime," I sighed, my eyelids drooping. "I love you both." I heard them murmur their love in return as I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.....I'm gonna go hide, kay?


	107. My Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meh, kinda not happy with this chapter, but it is what it is.

I rolled over with a sigh, the arm on my waist tightening. Something had woken me and I couldn't figure out what it was. I peeked open my eyes and looked around, trying to figure it out.  
“Mmm, go back to sleep,” Cullen murmured, trying to pull me back down to the floor. I heard a loud knock on the front door and sprung to my feet, my gaze going to the window. I saw the sun was high in the sky and knew it was probably around ten in the morning. It seemed we had passed out on the floor and not moved.

“Guys, we need to get up,” I said, shaking them. “Aveline and Donnic are here with Malcolm.” The men groaned, pushing themselves up and rubbing their eyes. The door suddenly opened and Aveline called out;

“Are you guys up?”

“Malcolm, wait!”

Malcolm came running into the sitting room, stopping when he saw his parents all standing around naked.

“Mamae, where are your clothes?” he asked right as Aveline and Donnic chased him into the room.

“Ah! Oh damn!” Donnic cried, quickly putting his back to us while Aveline slapped a hand over her eyes.

“Oh Maker!” she groaned. “I did not need to know what Hawke's dick looked like.”

“Hey, pup,” Cullen said, lifting the toddler up and kissing him. “Did you have fun?”

“Uh-huh! Unka Donnic took me to the beach!” Malcolm paused, looking around. “What're ya doing?”

“Adult stuff,” Garrett said, pressing a kiss to his son's forehead. “Can you stay with Aunt Avi and Uncle Donnic for a moment while your Mamae, Papa and I get dressed?”

“'kay!”

We all scrambled upstairs, laughing at Aveline loudly complained about having seen us naked. We quickly dressed, the guys throwing on breeches and lawn shirts while I tossed a simple dress over my head. We returned downstairs and I flitted to Aveline's side, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Thanks, Avi,” I said. “Sorry about seeing us naked. We just fell asleep. We were exhausted from-...”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Aveline cried, holding up her hand. “I don't need to know!” I hugged her, pressing another kiss to her cheek before doing to same to Donnic who flushed.

“Have I told you how much I love you, Donnic?” I asked. “You spoil the shit out of my baby.”

“It's hard not to,” Donnic said with a smile. “He's so cute and sweet.”

“Did he behave for you?” I asked, reaching down as said child began trying to scale my legs.

“He was an angel,” Donnic assured.

“Hey! Are you cheating on me?” I turned to find Isabela strolling through the door, her eyes narrowed playfully at me.

“Of course not, darling,” I cooed, batting my lashes at her. Isabela smirked and walked over, giving me a sweet kiss before dropping one on Malcolm's head. I looked down at the cherub-like face of my child and began humming to him softly. I was suddenly struck with an idea and set him on the ground, kneeling down and taking his hands.

“Malcolm,” I began, causing the child to look at me curiously. “You know that Mamae loves you, right?”

“Yes,” he said, looking at me puzzled.

“I know things have been difficult lately and I hope it hasn't upset you too much.” He stared at me for a moment, before he gave me a smile.

“Mamae was plagued by a demon, but Baela saved her,” he said.

“How did you know that?” Cullen asked. We hadn't mentioned it to him, not wanting to worry him.

“Baela came to me in my dreams,” Malcolm replied. “I called for him cause I was worried and he said he was gonna fix it, then he did.” My heart tightened painfully in my chest.

“I'm so sorry I scared you, my sweet,” I said, cupping his cheek. “Mamae should have protected you better.” Malcolm looked at me confused, shaking his head.

“Mamae didn't scare me,” he insisted. “Mamae's colors changed.”

“Colors?” Garrett asked, looking down at his son. “What do you mean?”

“Everyone has colors around them,” Malcolm explained. “Mamae's is purple, Babae's is blue and Papa's is red. Mamae's colors turned dark and Babae and Papa's colors got murky. It's better now, though.” Everyone looked at me as I smiled.

“They're called 'Aura's' my love,” I told him. “Have you always seen them?”

“Yes,” he said. “Though it's getting harder.”

“You're getting older,” I explained. “You may eventually stop seeing them.”

“Oh. Is that okay?”

“It is,” I assured. “It happens to all baby's.”

“Happened to Mamae?”

“It did. Though I sometimes still see them. I can see yours. It's green.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Isabela questioned.

“I'll explain later,” I said, standing and walking over to my phone. It had died during the night and I  plugged it in, giving it a quick charge. I scrolled through the music list before finding what I was looking for.

“Mamae has a song for you, my love,” I said, setting the phone back in the tube and hitting the play button. Rascal Flatt's 'My Wish' began playing and I walked over to my son, kneeling down as I sang along.

 

“I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,  
And each road leads you where you want to go,  
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,  
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.  
And if one door opens to another door closed,  
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,  
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,” I sang, cupping his cheek and pressing a lingering kiss to his brow. I lifted him into my arms, balancing him on my hip as I swayed to the music.

“But more than anything, more than anything,  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,” I made a wide gesture with my arm, before bouncing him on my hip.  
“You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.” I pressed a kiss to his cheek.  
“I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,  
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,  
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,  
And you help somebody every chance you get,  
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,  
And you always give more than you take.” I spun around, dancing with him, taking his hand and moving my feet in simple steps to the music. He laughed, dancing in my grip with me.

“But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.” I set him on the table, taking his hand in mine and kissing them.  
“My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,” I released his hands, throwing my arms wide and spinning around before taking his hands once more, causing him to shriek with laughter.

“Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is myyyyy wish.” He smiled at me, reaching out and throwing his arms around my neck.

“I love you, Mamae,” he said.

“I love you, Malcolm,” I said. “More than you could ever know. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, I will always love you and you will always have a home with Mamae.” A tear slipped down my cheek as I held my child, marveling at this person I had carried in my body for nine months, who continuously amazed me and made me feel like I was the strongest person in the world. My son, who accepted me with all my faults and thought I was a hero.

  
“I'm sorry things have been difficult for you,” I told him. “But it will be better now.” He didn't reply, only snuggled into me. I recalled a time when I hadn't wanted children, afraid that I couldn't be the parent they would deserve, afraid of not being enough. Now, I couldn't imagine a life without them, a life without the warmth of their love. I brushed another kiss over his lips, lifting him up.

“Are you hungry?” I asked.

“No, we ate in the market,” he said.

“Well, Mamae made a treat last night. It's called Ice cream and it's sweet.”

He paused before snuggling back into my neck.

“Later, Mamae,” he said. My heart melted.

“Later, then,” I agreed, sitting on the couch as my son made himself comfortable, content in my arms. We sat around the fireplace, Garrett turning my phone off for me. Isabela watched me sadly, her gaze on Malcolm. I could see the longing there and guessed she was thinking of her own mother. She sat next to me on the couch, resting her head on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her, threading my fingers through her hair and humming softly.

“You're a very lucky boy, Malcolm,” she said suddenly. Malcolm looked down at her, a smile on his lips.

“Why's that?” he asked.

“Your mother loves you,” she said. “Not everyone can say that. You're a very lucky boy to have a mommy that adores you so and to have so many people who love you so much. My mother didn't love me and wasn't very nice. I didn't grow up being loved as you are. I wasn't accepted and cared for no matter what I did. I didn't even know who my father was. You have two father's who love you very much. One day you will realize just how truly lucky you are.” Malcolm looked at Isabela for a moment before his hazel gaze traveled to Cullen and Garrett who were cuddled together on the love seat. They both smiled at him, Garrett blowing a kiss to the boy. Hazel eyes moved up at me and I could see him thinking.

“What is it, my precious one?” I asked. “What are you thinking about?”

“I love you, Mamae,” he said. “Will you stay with me forever?” I thought for a moment on how to say what I wanted before I took his hand in my, pressing it to my heart.

“I will always be with you, my sweet child,” I said. “Mamae may not be around forever, but I will never truly leave you so long as you remember me. The same goes for Babae and Papa. We will always be with you, even if we're not here physically. Our love made you. You don't even know how much Babae begged and pleaded with me for you.”

"It's true," Garrett said. "I'm lucky she didn't throw something at me with how much I hounded her."

"You are so loved, my sweet," I told him. "And we will always be right here." I gently poked his chest over his heart. He smiled and snuggled back into my chest, content with my answer.

“I almost wish you could have my baby,” Isabela sighed, copper eyes locked on me.

“Oh?”

“I wish I could watch you love a piece of me like that.” I stroked Isabela's hair, ducking down and pressing a kiss to her lips that made her sigh softly.

“You're not planning on bedding me and Donnic too, are you?” Aveline asked with an arched brow.

“Not unless you ask,” I teased.

“Way to ruin their moment, Avi!” Garrett huffed, tossing one of the throw pillows at the Guard Captain. Cullen laughed, reclining back on Garrett's chest. I gave a soft moan as Isabela's lips pressed against my neck, her hand cupping my cheek.

“Can I have you tonight?” she asked me. My eyes darted to Cullen and Garrett, seeking their permission.

“Can we watch?” Cullen asked. Isabela paused, looking uncertain. Garrett bent down, giving Cullen a long kiss that had the other man moaning.

“Let the girls have a night,” he said. “I think I want you for myself tonight.” Cullen chuckled, turning in Garrett's arms and pressing him back into the cushions as he kissed him.

“All right,” the commander agreed. “But I want to see them together at some point. I still haven't gotten to.”

“Mmm, we may sneak over to watch you two,” I purred. “I love seeing you both together.”

“You guys are perverts,” Aveline sighed, rolling her eyes. I laughed, running my hand along Isabela's back as she kissed the corner on my jaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who missed it, I do have a tumblr page with all the artwork I put up from this story!  
> https://bunny-mommy.tumblr.com/


	108. Heaven Knows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting tonight because I'm working early and I've been bad about my posting schedule.
> 
>  **WARNING**  
>  Same gender sex (m/m, f/f) toys, dirty talk, voyeurism, anal, oral, casual sex, etc.
> 
> Tumbler >https://bunny-mommy.tumblr.com/

We spent the day taking Malcolm around, showing him Sunder Mountain and the docks. He marveled at the statue of Garrett with its flaming sword. We took lunch in the Market, grabbing some fatty fried meat wraps that my son devoured eagerly. He picked out a new toy, a carved soldier with carefully made metal armor and ball and socket joints. It had painted blond hair and two pieces of copper for the eyes and I thought it looked a lot like Cullen, which Malcolm confirmed was why he wanted it. He had then looked at his father for a long moment before turning to the toy making.

"Can you make one that looks like Babae?" he asked, pointing at his father. Garrett's face had lit up and he chuckled.

"A toy version of the Champion?" the man mused, eyeing my husband. "That's a good idea."

"Oh _Maker_ , just what I need," Garrett had groaned, slapping his hand over his eyes. Cullen snorted and covered his mouth to hide his smile. I laughed, poking my husband playfully in the side.

"Perhaps I should make one of the Inquisition's Seer as well," the toymaker hummed.

"Haha...what?"

"Not so funny _now_ , is it?" Garrett asked with a smirk.

"Yeah!" Malcolm gasped, eyes wide and sparkling. "Can you make one of Getty, too?"

"Who?"

"Gethorn, the Inquisitor," Cullen explained.

"Wait... _what_?" I gapped, thinking this had quickly gotten out of hand.

"Make a couple of the Seer," Garrett said. "I'll be taking two home."

"Why two?" Malcolm asked.

"One for you and one for Babae," Garrett gently explained.

"Make that three," Cullen said.

"Hey! What?"

"I'll take one!" Isabela chimed in.

"I want one of the Champion, too," Cullen purred. "Can't have the Seer without having her husband."

"Oh Maker," I groaned. "Great. I'm going to be part of the wild romantic fantasies of preteens." Garrett found that hilarious and bent over, laughing.

"Oh Maker, I just remembered the games Bethany used to play with her dolls!" he howled. "That's funny!"

"I'm glad you think so," I huffed. Cullen had his hand clapped over his mouth as he tried to hide his laughter.

"Rosie liked playing 'Templar's and Mages,' where one fell in love with another and they ran away together," Cullen laughed.

"Not sure how well that would work since Garrett's a mage," I snorted.

"Hey, gimme another of those Commander dolls," Garrett said with a smirk.

"You are _not_ going to play with dolls," I gasped.

"Oh _yes_ , I am!" Garrett laughed, dropping the coin in the man's hand. "Now, I'm going somewhere _private_ to play with this." My husband pretended he was sneaking behind the booth while Cullen turned bright red. Isabela and I lost it and almost fell to the paving stone laughing while Malcolm just looked around confused.

After we dropped the toys off at the house, we picnicked at the beach, Isabela and I lounging on a blanket while the boys ran around, toy swords clacking together as they battled. Garrett was tasked with being the villain, stealing away Malcolm as Cullen chased after him, whacking him with the wooden toy. Garrett had delivered a 'fatal' blow to Cullen who dramatically collapsed to the sand, only reviving when Malcolm bestowed a wet kiss on his lips. Isabela and I laughed as the commander sprang to his feet, breeches and lawn shirt dusted with sand, and declared he was revived by the handsome Prince Malcolm before smacking Garrett a few times with the sword. Garret had been defeated, making choking noises as he slumped to the ground before shooting up and sputtering up water when the tide had come in and washed over him, leaving him soaked. We had built a small fire and the mage had stripped down to his smalls, laying his wet clothes on a log to dry.

“Love, you're going to catch a cold,” I said.

“I'm fine,” Garrett said, dusting sand off his bare legs. Cullen moved up behind him, groping his ass and giving him a kiss.

“I don't mind the view,” the commander said, eyes raking over Garrett. I had taken off my dress at one point, wadding out into the ocean water with Malcolm and showing him how to body surf. Isabela had joined us, her breast bouncing free as she stripped her clothes off, showing that she didn't wear a breast band and her black thong hardly covered her sex. She wasn't bothered by her nudity, chasing after Malcolm along the beach. I laughed at Malcolm's shrieks of delight, holding out my arms as he ran to me and scooping him up.

“Mamae will save you from the evil pirate!” I said.

“But Mamae is Auntie Iz's _slave_ ,” Isabela had purred, gripping my hair and shoving her tongue in my mouth. I moaned against her lips, my body tingling at her dominating kiss.

“I save Mamae!” Malcolm declared, squirming from my grip and racing off the retrieve his toy sword. Isabela had grinned, pulling me tightly against her body.

“Your Mamae is _mine_!” she called, catching the toy sword Cullen tossed her and brandishing it at Malcolm. “I'm going to steal her _away_ and take her to my _evil lair_!” I giggled as Isabela tried to lift me, grunting with the effort.

“Shit, you got _heavy_ ,” she complained.

“I'm _pregnant_ ,” I pouted.

“And still sexy as shit!” Garrett called out.

“ _Very_ sexy,” Isabela agreed. “Now, my pretty, you're coming it with _me_!” Isabela pulled me towards a large rock, urging me to stand on top of it while she battled with Malcolm. I swooned as Isabela was defeated and Malcolm rescued me, giving me a sloppy kiss as he clung to my neck.

It wasn't long before the child was yawning, eye lids drooping and we quickly packed our things and redressed, making our way back home. Cullen carried the dozing toddler, smiling down at his cherub-like face. We stopped by the bathhouse on the way home, washing the sand off our skin while Malcolm fussed at being disturbed for a bath. I sat on a stool with the grumpy child in my lap, cleaning him as he complained.

“I know, my love,” I cooed. “But you need to be clean before bed.”

He huffed against my breast, latching onto my nipple and sucking in a comforting gesture.

“Malcolm, you're a big boy,” Garrett chided. “You can't drink mommy's milk anymore.”

“Oh leave him _alone_ ,” I said, waving him away.

“Baby, he's almost _three_ ,” Garrett said.

“Some cultures breastfeed until the child is three,” I said. Garrett rolled his eyes at this but left it alone. In truth, I had hated having to ween Malcolm so early and didn't mind that he still used nursing as a comforting gesture. I knew it wouldn't be long that I would have to dissuade him of it, though. Malcolm dropped back off to sleep, waking only when I dried and dressed him.

We made our way back home, putting Malcolm to bed and letting Orana fix us some coffee. I cuddled against Isabela's chest while Garrett did the same with Cullen. I let my gaze trail over them before moving to the pirate who was trailing her fingers through my hair.

“I'm such a lucky woman,” I sighed. Isabela smiled, taking a sip from her cup.

“You? I'm the lucky one,” Garrett said. “I married a beautiful woman who does all kinds of kinky shit for me and lets me have this hunk.” He hugged Cullen with a grin on his face. “And she lets me watch her fuck her best girlfriend.”

“I still wonder if I'm going to wake up,” Cullen laughed. “This is too much like a dream come true.”

“I know what you mean,” Isabela said, leaning forward to set her cup on the coffee table. “I usually don't get along with other women and now I have a very dear friend who lets me into her bed and her heart. Speaking of which...” Isabela plucked the cup from my fingers, setting it beside her own cup on the low table. Her lips sealed over mine and she slipped her hand down the front of my dress, kneading my breast.

“I got a present for you, kitten,” she cooed when she pulled away. She motioned to her bag sitting by the fireplace and I stood, retrieving it. She lounged on the couch, one arm draped over the back of it as she crossed her legs, a wicked smile on her lips. I reached in, pulling out a paper bag and holding it up.

“That's it. Open it, sweetness.” I sat on the floor, pulling the bag open and looking inside. I flushed, my head turning towards her sharply. She leered at me, her teeth peeking out between her lips as copper eyes glittered.

“You like it?” I swallowed, looking down into the bag again, reaching in and pulling the item free. A thick, detailed phallus was made from some kind of material similar to silicone, colored to match the Rivaini's skin. It was attached to a thick black belt, a strap designed to go between the wearer's legs baring several raised nubs as well as another phallus designed to be lodged inside the wearer. The cock that rose up from the front was detailed, veins and a carefully crafted head looked very realistic, the toy thick and at least eight inches long.

“Suck it.” I moaned, bringing the toy to my lips and circling the head with my tongue before pushing it between my lips. I bobbed my head on the toy, deep throating it now and again while the other in the room watch, their breathing speeding up. I saw Isabela strip her clothes off, dropping them carelessly on the ground.

“Put it on me, kitten,” she said. I scrambled to her side, diving between her legs and eagerly licking her wet sex, gasping at the taste of her. She gripped my hair, rolling her hips against my mouth as she spread her legs to brace herself.

“Mmm, not that I'm complaining, but I told you to put the toy on me.”

“Wanna taste you,” I whimpered against her vulva lips.

“Fuck,” Garrett groaned. “Let her.”

“Now now,” Isabela cooed. “She's mine tonight. No lip from you two.” I heard a wet sound and looked over to see Cullen gripping Garrett's hair and ravishing his mouth.

“Put it on me, pet,” Isabela said again and I did, carefully adjusting the belt so it was securely around her waist before positioning the one between her legs, pulling it tight in the buckles so it was firmly in place.

“Now, keep sucking.” I did as she said, treating the toy like it was a real cock, laving it with my tongue before fucking it with my mouth. The movements caused it to rub against her, making her groan as she bucked her hips. She pulled back, the toy slipping free with a pop.

“Up on the couch,” she ordered. “On your knee's, ass towards me and grip the back.” I did as she said, spreading my legs for balance as my hands tightened on the stiff back. Isabela knelt behind me, her lips teasing my dripping pussy. I mewled, arching my hips and she pushed her tongue inside me, basically french kissing my pussy. I tried to muffle myself as her tongue lapped at my inner walls, her lips teasing my opening. My gaze moved to the men who were grinding against each other, locked in a passionate kiss.

“Strip,” Isabela gasped out before returning to her task. I did as she bade me, shaking hand struggling with the ties of my dress. I finally got the garment off, crying out when her fingers pressed inside of me. I orgasmed, grinding against her mouth as I gasped. She licked me clean, her tongue finding any trace of fluid and cleaning it until I was writhing against the back of the couch, my cunny over sensitive and throbbing. Isabela stood, pressing the toy into me, my channel spasming at the stretch. Isabela paused as I cried out, reaching behind me to grip her hip.  She pulled back, turning me on my back and moving between my legs, one foot braced on the floor while her knee was bent. She eased the thing back inside me, resting an elbow on the cushion beneath my arm. Slowly her hips moved, her copper gaze locked on me. I pulled her down as I bucked back on the toy, moaning against her lips, begging her to go faster, be rougher.

“No, kitten,” she cooed, bringing the hand that had been on my thigh up to stroke my cheek. “I won't be rough with you tonight.” I looked up at her, gazing into her eyes. Black hair spilled loose around her face, the bandana having been discarded along the with rest of her clothes.

“Okay, Iz,” I said, noticing her hips had stopped moving. “ _Gentle_ tonight.” Her eyes closed and she grinned.

“Not too gentle.” I smiled, bringing her down for a tender kiss as she began thrusting again. I arched into her, gasping and pleading with her when she began to mercilessly tease my breast. My nails dug into the cushion below me, my feet pressing into her back, wanting her to go faster.

“Oh fuck,” Garrett gasped. Isabella and I paused, turning our gazes towards the love seat where Cullen had Garrett pinned to the arm, slamming his cock into him. Garrett's heavily lidded eyes darted between Cullen and Isabela and I. I could see Cullen watching us as well, biting his lip so hard I was sure it would bleed.

“Oh that's _hot_ ,” Isabela moaned. “Maker, _look_ at them!”

“I fucking know,” I gasped. “I love when they fuck each other.”

“I could cum just from watching them,” Isabela panted.

“Fuck, I was gonna say the same,” Garret growled. “Maker, harder!”

“Iz,” I whimpered.

“What, kitten?” she asked, kissing along my chin.

“Fuck me,” I hissed. She tittered, her lips pressing to mine as her hips pulled back, slamming forward. She resumed her steady pace, going a little faster as she was pushed towards her own end. It wasn't long before I was wailing out my orgasm, pulling her down and burying my face in her neck. She followed me moments later, her arms shaking as she tried to brace herself. Her weight eased down onto me, careful of my belly.

“Fuck, yes.” I turned my head in time to see Garrett climax, his hand pumping his cock as Cullen slammed into him, stilling as he filled Garrett full of his seed. Cullen collapsed on Garrett's chest, causing the later to grunt in surprise.

“You boys _ruined_ my pace,” Isabela huffed.

“What did _we_ do?” Garrett asked, incredulously.

“I wanted to be gentle and sweet but that was too hot,” Isabela complained, making a face at the pair.

“Yeah, I could say the same,” Cullen panted.

“You two are goofy,” I giggled.

“And you and Garrett are _bossy_ bottoms,” Isabela snapped, sticking her tongue out at me.

“Go up to our room if you don't want to be distracted,” Garrett said. “Make love to her on our bed.” Isabela and Cullen both froze at the statement, eyeing each other. Garrett and I rolled our eyes, pushing our respective partners off of us.

“I don't...” Isabela stammered.

“Of course you do,” Garrett said. “You're her friend, by your own admission she's the best girlfriend you've ever had.”

“I just...”

“No, it's not like the three of us love each other. No, it doesn't extend to me or Cullen. No, you don't want anything serious. You want a good friend who can offer you love and warmth and a tender kiss as well as a night filled with brutal fucking. And no, I don't mine. Do you mind, Cullen?”

“As long as she follows the rules,” Cullen said. “And if you give her some disease...”

“I wouldn't!” Isabela snapped. “Not that I'm going to turn down some lovely young things when I'm out at sea...”

“Don't expect you to,” I laughed. “Just make sure his dick isn't growing green stuff or making him itch.”

“So,” Garrett said clapping his hands. “Take our wife upstairs, make love to her, stay the night if you wish. Cullen and I will be doing the same in the guest room.” I stood, my hand trailing along the pirate's arm before dropping to my side as I moved towards the stairs, swaying my hips and looking at her over my shoulder. She smirked, following after me and pinning me to the wall to ravish my mouth. I pushed her away and darted into the room, patting the bed next to me. She paused, pulling the toy from her hips and tossing it to the floor. I watched curiously but she only smiled, urging me back onto the bed. She tilted my hips slightly, urging my own leg up while she straddled the other.

She moved closer until her dripping sex was pressed against mine and began rolling her hips. The feel of her folds sliding against mine, stimulating my already over sensitive cunny caused me to gasp and grip her thigh tightly. She put a hand behind my neck, pulling me up slightly to kiss me again and it wasn't long before I was orgasming again, throwing my head back. Isabela ground down on me, turning her head to bite my calf as she climaxed, her juices spilling out with mine. I held my arms out to her and she pulled me close, rolling so we lay on our sides, kissing and petting each other. Isabela and I spent the night exploring one another, kissing and caressing each part until we collapsed to the covers, exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some time with the family!
> 
> Do you have things you would have loved to see in this story? I'm writing another Dragon Age story with the same characters based on the idea that Michelle and Madison landed in Kirkwall! And I would love to hear from you guys on headcanons, things you're dying to see and just general ideas! You can drop me a line HERE (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363294) in the comments section or at my Tumblr! I look forward to hearing from you!


	109. Dreamer

“Mamae!” I rolled over at my son's voice, peeking open my eyes to find Hazel ones gazing at me.

“Why is Aunt Iz in the bed?” he asked.

“We fell asleep together,” I said.

“Where are Babae and Papa?”

“The guest room probably,” I told him, feeling Isabela's arm tighten on my waist as I moved.

“Too early,” she complained. “Why is your son always up at the crack of dawn?”

“He's two,” I replied. “They're all up at the crack of dawn.”

“Can I sleep with you?” Malcolm asked. I paused, looking out the window and seeing it wasn't morning.

“Malcolm, what's wrong?” I asked, suddenly on alert.

“I wanna sleep with Mamae,” he said.

“Why, did you have a nightmare?” 

“Just say yes and go back to sleep,” Isabela groaned. 

“I just want to,” he said. “I woke up and wanted Mamae.” His gaze showed no fear or uncertainty, so I scooted over, pushing Isabela with my butt a bit so she huffed and moved back, giving the toddler more room. Malcolm crawled into the bed, cuddling against my breast. I ran my fingers through his midnight colored hair, smiling down at him.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“Love you, too,” he yawned, wrapping a small arm around my ribs. I drifted off into the Fade, opening my eyes to find my father waiting, Madison lounging on the floor, a book open on his chest.

“Have to pee?” he asked.

“No, Malcolm wanted to sleep in my bed,” I said, retrieving the scroll I had been translating. 

“Nightmares?” Solas asked, arching a brow.

“Nope, just wanted his Mamae,” I chuckled.

“Isn't Isabela in your bed?” Madison questioned. “Bet he had questions about that.”

“I just told him we fell asleep,” I said. “One day I'm going to have a lot of questions to answer. I'm probably fucking him up something serious and he's going to need a therapist.”

“The nature of the relationships does not matter,” Solas said, setting his own book aside. “What matters is that they are based on love. Remember that when you're explaining it to him.”

“I will, Babae,” I said. I wrote down a few translations and set the papers aside, looking at my father.

“What is it, da'lath'in?” he asked, not looking up from his book.

“I wonder what Malcolm dreams of,” I said. Solas grinned, closing his book and setting it aside.

“Would you like to see? It's quite extraordinary.”

“You've watched his dreams?” I asked.

“I'm his grandfather, of course, I've peeked in on him,” Solas said, standing. 

“I want to see what my nephew does at night, too,” Madison said, rising to his feet. My father guided us through the fade until we came to a plain brown door of no remarkable make or appearance. It appeared the same as several doors we had seen throughout the fade. He opened it, slipping into a bright white light and Madison and I followed. I blinked as everything came into focus and looked around, a giggle falling from my lips. Lush green lands went as far as the eye could see, every plant in full bloom. Streams of crystal clear water flowed and the sky was a vibrant blue. It was bright and colorful, just as one would expect from a child's dream.

“What are you wearing?” came Madison's voice. I looked down, laughter bubbling in my throat. A pale blue ball gown with a skirt that must have spanned at least six feet replaced the simple white gown I had been wearing. A corset with a deep V that went down to my belly button was covered in pink silk flowers. Short sleeves hung off my shoulders and a large ruffle around the waist, more flowers around the base of the dress, blending up towards the waist. It was gaudy and ostentatious, not something I would have ever wore, but it seemed my son wished to see me dressed so grandly. My father wore a gold jacket with puffy red sleeves that ended at the elbow before more gold wrapped tightly around his forearms. Black breeches and knee-high boots decorated with more gold completed the look, making him look kingly. Madison, for his part, wore something similar, though his was a dark navy blue with white sleeves, the tunic parting at the groin and falling to his knee's. Gold buttons and ropes decorated the front with a sword strapped to his side. In the distance, Malcolm ran around with everyone we knew, laughing and playing, all of them dressed grandly. Malcolm himself was wearing what appeared to be a miniature version of Cullen's armor sans the fur mantle.

“Are those actually...” I asked, pointing to Iron Bull who was giving my son a piggyback ride.

“Some of them are,” Solas said. “Other's are just recreations. It seems your son has the unique ability to call people to him in his dreams. He enjoys playing with them and when they wake, they feel well rested and happy.”

“Does he know he's doing it?” Madison questioned.

“Not really,” Solas said. “He knows he can call people to him, but he does this on a subconscious level.”

“Who is real here?” I asked.

“Isabela, Garrett, Cullen and tonight it appears Leliana and Cole.”

“Mamae!” Malcolm came running to me, holding out his arms and I swept him into my embrace.

“Hello my love,” I cooed. 

“Have you come to play?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said with a smile. “Mamae, Baela and Uncle Madison have come to visit you.” Solas walked over, cupping Malcolm's cheek and pressing a kiss to his brow.

“Why don't you show your mother what you showed me?” he asked. Malcolm brightened and squirmed out of my grip, running back across the field. I followed, lifting the ample skirts of my gown. Malcolm stopped at the side of a small girl, saying something to her and pointing back at me.

“Who is that?” Madison asked. The girl beamed at us, following Malcolm as he rushed back over to us.

“Mamae,” she said, holding out her arms to me.

“Your daughter,” Solas said in my ear, his hand on my shoulder.

“But...she's not even born yet,” I gasped.

“No,” Solas agreed. “But she dreams in the womb and Malcolm calls her to him at times. It is harder for him to do so, but he likes to play with her.” I knelt down and the girl ran to me, stopping before me, her tiny hands gripping my arms. A cherub-like face with large blue eyes stared back at me, gold ringlets falling around her face. She had my eyes and mouth, but Cullen's nose and forehead, her alabaster skin smooth and unblemished.

“Hello little one,” I said softly. Her gaze raked over me, eagerly taking in my every feature.

“Hello, Mamae,” she said, her voice holding an edge of awe to it.

“She needs a name, Mamae,” Malcolm said.

“She does,” I agreed. “But I need to discuss that with Papa.”

“Who is Papa?” the little girl asked. I turned her with gentle hands on her shoulders and pointed to Cullen who was laughing at something Garrett was saying. 

“That blond man is your father,” I told her. “The one next to him is Babae, Malcolm's father.” She pulled away from me and walked over to the men, tugging on Cullen's pants. He looked down and smiled at her, lifting her onto his hip and placing a kiss on her cheek.

“Hello, princess,” he cooed.

“Papa, what's my name?” she asked. Cullen paused, thinking for a moment.

“I don't think we picked one out, yet,” he admitted. 

“Any ideas?” I asked. Cullen thought for a moment, looking down at his daughter.

“Emilia,” he said. “It was my mother's name.”

“Emilia Marilyn?” I asked, reaching out a petting golden curls. She giggled and squirmed out of his grip.

“I Emilia! I Emilia!” she chanted, running around. I laughed and chased the children around, enjoying the paradise my son had dreamt up. Soon I was waking up, my eyes fluttering open as the sun poured into the windows. Isabela was sitting up, rubbing her eyes and searching for her clothes. I eased out of bed, leaving the still sleeping Malcolm nestled in the blankets and pulled on a pair of breeches and a tunic. The door opened and Cullen slipped in, his gaze landing on me.

“You're up,” he said with a smile.

“Yup,” I said, tying my breeches as much as my expanding belly would allow.

“Is there Coffee downstairs?” Isabela asked, stretching her arms over her head.

“Smelled like it,” Cullen said, reaching into the wardrobe and grabbing a pair of pants. Isabela darted out the door, eager for an early morning pick me up.

“I know what I want to name our daughter,” Cullen said suddenly, tying his breeches.

“What's that?” I asked, even though I knew the answer.

“Emilia,” he said.

“Emilia Marilyn?”

“Y-Yes...”

“Emilia Marilyn Rutherford. I like it.” I slid my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a slow kiss as his hand smoothed over my belly. He smiled down at me, his amber eyes full of adoration. 

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you more,” I replied.

“Nope,” he argued. “I love you more.”

“Uh-uh. I'm carrying your child.”

“That just makes me love you more.”

“Nope.”

“What are you fighting about?” Malcolm's sweet voice asked from the bed.

“We're not fighting, pup,” Cullen said. “We're just joking.”

“Oh,” Malcolm hummed, climbing out of the bed. “Is breakfast ready?”

“Smells like it,” Cullen said. “Let's get you changed.”

“Papa, you need a shirt.”

“No, he doesn't,” I said with a smirk, eyeing Cullen.

“It's a bit hot today,” he said. “I'll put on a shirt later.” 

“Can I go shirtless?” Malcolm asked.

“Of course you can, pup,” he said, swinging the boy up onto his hip. “You need pants though. C'mon.” I chuckled and want into the guest room to wake Garrett and ask him if he was going to run around shirtless like the rest of the males in the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff, because...well why the fuck not?


	110. Truth Be Told

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting tonight because I work early tomorrow.

The ride back to Skyhold was hard, harder than it had been with Malcolm. I was almost constantly sick, to the point we would stop for several days to rest. Once we arrived at Skyhold, we found Solas waiting for us. I had talked to him in my dream, telling him of the difficulty and he arrived a day or so ahead of us, immediately ordering me to bed where he ran some tests on me.

“Your magic is wildly unstable,” he said. “Have you been exercising it?”

“No,” I said. “I've just been so exhausted.”

“You must,” he said. “Do some fire spells.” I extended my hand, warping the veil and tossed, what I had intended to be, a simple fireball out the window. What appeared was a massive nova-like ball of scalding fire. My father quickly grabbed my arm and canceled the spell before it could leave my hand and decimate half the room.

“Magic training will be resumed,” he said. “And plenty of bed rest. The nausea and vitamin potions seem to be doing their job, so you will continue to take those.”

“Babae...is the child addicted to lyrium?” I asked him. He stared at me for a long moment before sighing.

“No, _you are_.”

“What?”

“You are experiencing the lyrium withdrawals because of the child.”

“The nightmares, nausea, the pain...”

“Symptoms of lyrium withdrawal,” he said. 

“Don't tell the men,” I begged. He paused, looking uncertain.

“I think they should know.”

“It'll only upset them,” I insisted. “Please, Babae. They'll try to make me get rid of her and I can't get rid of her! I can't.” Tears spilled down my cheeks and my father sat beside me, pulling me into his arms. He smelled of parchment and paint and I basked in the familiar scent and tender care.

“Very well, Revas,” he sighed. “But you _must_ be careful. _No_ more traveling, plenty of rest and proper nutrition, and _exercise_ your magic.” He eased me back to the bed, tugging the covers over me. His slender fingers brushed away my tears and stroked my hair until I took a shuddering breath and calmed.

“Yes, Babae,” I said, snuggling down into the blankets. He pressed a kiss to my brow, his hand rubbing over my arm tenderly. He stood and left me alone to nap and I dozed lightly until Gethorn came running into my room and jumped onto my bed. He immediately snuggled up to me, his violet eyes begging for affection that I readily gave.

“I missed you,” he said.

“I missed _you_ , my sweet,” I told him. “And we need to talk.”

“Ut oh. I didn't do it!” I laughed.

“You're not in trouble, sweetie,” I assured, stroking his silver hair back from his face. I sat up more, pushing him back so I could look into his eyes. “I need to explain something you may not understand. Do you know what polyamorous means?”

“No,” he said, confused.

“It means to love more than one person in a romantic sense,” I explained. “The practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the knowledge of all partners.”

“ _Okay_...”

“Your father and I are in a polyamorous relationship with Commander Cullen,” I said bluntly. “We're actually married to him and the child I carry is his.” Gethorn stared at me for a long moment, his mouth opening a few times as if he intended to begin speaking only to close when he couldn't find the words.

“So...you and Cullen...have sex?” he asked at last.

“We do,” I said. “But Babae and Cullen have sex as well. We plan to live together after the Inquisition disbands. We plan to have more children. Are...are you okay with that?”

“I...does Malcolm know?”

“He does,” I replied. “He's taken to calling Cullen 'Papa'.” Gethorn thought for a moment, his fingers rubbing over his smooth chin.

“What does this mean for me?” he questioned.

“Nothing,” I said. “Your place in our lives hasn't and will not change. You are still our son, still welcome where we go. It just means you may see Cullen engaged in romantic acts with either Garrett or myself and I will be having his children.” Gethorn was silent and I reached over, tucking a strand of silver hair behind his ear.

"Ish'lin, are you all right with that?"

Gethorn reached over, pulling me into a hug.

“I love you, Mamae,” he said. “I don't think I'll be calling Cullen 'papa' it's a bit weird for me since he commands my army, but if you and Babae are happy, then I'm happy for you. It'll be a bit of an adjustment, though. Who married you, anyway? I can't imagine the Chantry would be on board with this.”

“They're not,” I said, shaking my head. “Babae asked, but they refused. Varric married us while we were in Kirkwall.”

“Why do you only seem to have a wedding when you're pregnant?” my son asked with a laugh.

“I have no idea,” I huffed, throwing my hands up. “I swear, after this is over, I'm going to have a proper wedding where my dress doesn't need to be let out!” Gethorn laughed and we cuddled down into the covers.

“Do you love Cullen?” he asked, playing with the amulet at my throat.

“I do,” I said. “I know it's probably hard for you to understand, but I love him as much as I do Garrett. I love him for different reasons, but I just can't imagine life without him.”

“Does he love you?”

“Very much so.” I looked over my shoulder to find Cullen closing the bedroom door behind him, smiling.

“I don't think I can call you 'Papa',” Gethorn said.

“That's fine,” Cullen assured. “It would be a bit strange anyway. I lead your armies, I'm your advisor...”

“You're my friend, too,” Gethorn said.

“Well, to be technical about it, Logan Mac Tir led Anora's armies,” I said. “But it's up to you two. You're still my son in all but blood, Gethorn. And you, Cullen, are still my husband.”

“Mmm, I love hearing you say that,” Cullen purred, reaching down and kissing me as his hand rubbing my stomach. I giggled, rubbing my fingers along his stubbled jaw as I stared into amber eyes.

“Nothing is going to take your place in your mother's heart,” Cullen said to Gethorn, reaching over and ruffling the young man's hair. “Garrett filed all the papers for your adoption when we were in Kirkwall. You are officially Gethorn Hawke, heir to the Amell's.” Gethorn's face flushed as tears sprang to his eyes and he buried himself in my arms, a sob spilling from his lips.

“What's wrong, isha'lin?” I asked gently, pushing his hair back.

“I...I'm just really happy,” he said. “I...I belong.”

“Always,” I said. “You will always belong. We cleaned out Carver's old room for you and Garrett has some catalogs for you to pick out what furniture you want.”

“Furniture is expensive,” Gethorn remarked, chewing his lip.

“And your father is a noble with plenty of money,” I said. “He already colored out the prices, so just pick what you want.”

“Can I at least help pay for it?”

“That is between you and your dad,” I said, holding my hands up. “I am not getting in the middle of that.” Cullen chuckled, sitting beside me on the bed.

“Scoot over,” he said. “I'm going to lay down with you.” I moved closer to the center of the bed, Gethorn grunting as he was pushed.

“Should I leave?” the elf asked.

“Why?” Cullen asked, puzzled. “It's a big bed.”

“Well, I wasn't sure,” Gethorn said, chewing his lip.

“I said nothing was going to change,” I said. “Would you leave if it was Babae?”

“Well, no,” he replied. “But...Babae doesn't mind.”

“I don't mind,” Cullen said, stretching out behind me and throwing an arm over my waist. He kissed my shoulder before resting his head on the pillows. Gethorn shrugged and snuggled against my chest, letting his eyes fall shut.

“You better treat my parents well,” he said sleepily.

“I will,” Cullen yawned. “I love them. Both of them.”

“You loved Mamae first.”

“...I did, but it's hard not to love your Babae, too. I also knew him from Kirkwall.”

“Well, Garrett is a sexy man,” I said. “It's hard not to want some of that.” Cullen laughed while Gethorn gagged.

“Ew,” he grumbled. “Don't need to hear that.”

“How do you think Malcolm got here?” I asked with a laugh. “And now you have a sister because Cullen is such a sexy beast...”

“Mamae! _Fuck_ , I don't need to hear this!” I laughed, Cullen chuckling at my back as Gethorn made faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Skyhold!  
> And...wtf Michelle?


	111. Flesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I wasn't feeling too well. Here are a few chapters since I won't get a chance to post tomorrow.
> 
>  **WARNING**  
>  BDSM, Double Penetration, suedo-rape, non-con, dub-con, humiliation, lactation kink, somnophilia (that means fucking a sleeping person), and a god damn shit ton of dirty talk!

I came awake, writhing in pleasure as I suddenly orgasmed, my channel clamping down around a thick cock. I opened my eyes and saw Garrett above me, a grin on his lips. His lips and chin were shiny with my fluid and I knew he had been licking my relaxed body until I was close enough to orgasm.

“Mmm, that was _hot_ ,” he growled, bending down and kissing me passionately. His hips began thrusting again, lifting my legs up and spreading them wide as he plunged his turgid cock into me. I twisted the bed covers in my hands, crying out my pleasure and arching up. Cullen was suddenly lifting me up, pushing me into Garrett's arms so the other man rolled us, changing our position so I was impaled on his cock as I sat astride his hips. I bounced eagerly, wanton moans spilling from my lips.

“Gods, _fuck_ me,” I begged. “Cullen... _fuck_ me.”

“Where do you want me, love?” he asked, kissing along my back.

“My ass,” I panted. Cullen chuckled and pushed me so I was sprawled out on Garrett's chest. The black haired man held my hips down as the Commander pulled my cheeks apart and began teasing my back entrance with his tongue.

“You love her ass,” Garrett chuckled.

“It's a nice ass,” Cullen said, biting at my cheek.

“Cullen,” I whimpered. “Please... _in_ me...” Cullen drew back, positioning himself between Garrett's spread legs, the lubricated head of his cock pushing inside me. I trembled as I adjusted to the intrusion, the ring of muscles spasming as it tried to fit Cullen's girth. I lifted up as Cullen began fucking me, Garrett helping him to lift me up and impale me on their cocks.

“Maker's breath,” Cullen swore, biting at my neck. “You're so _sexy_.”

“Look at that _slut_ ,” Garrett snarled. “She loves some Templar cock, don't you whore? How many Templar's have _fucked_ your little hole?” I cried out, unable to think of words as my body was overloaded with pleasure. A hand twisted in my hair and Cullen jerked my head back.

“Is this how you got away, mage?” he growled in my ear. “Is this how you escaped the circle? You just whored yourself out?”

“Yes,” I moaned. “I let all the Templar's have me. I fucked them so they'd let me go.”

“Bet you _loved_ being used like that,” Garrett hissed, reaching up and tugging me against his chest, his teeth digging into the skin of my neck. I wailed, jerking my hips wildly.

“You won't get away _this_ time,” Cullen breathed in my ear. “We'll take you back to the circle and keep you chained up if we have to. We'll keep you _ready_ to be _fucked_ , ready for our cocks. No more wearing smalls or pants. Just dresses we can hike up and _fuck_ you in. How would you like to try and study while impaled on my cock?”

“Oh _**fuck**_.”

“That's right, always sitting in one of our laps, stuffed full of _cock_. The other's won't even say anything, afraid of what we'd do to them,” Cullen went on. “We'd do it in full view of everyone. You'd sit in our laps when you _eat_ , when you _study_ , constantly _cumming_.”

“Fuck, you've gotten good at dirty talk,” Garrett groaned, jerking up into me.

“Yessss,” I hissed, my mouth hanging open with pleasure.

“I'll push you up against the wall, shove myself into your wet little pussy,” Cullen sneered, tugging painfully at my hair. “You'll always be wet, won't you. Bet you'll get wet when you look at one of us, your body knowing what to do. Knowing what you are. You're our little whore, aren't you?” I was slammed down roughly, my eyes rolling back in my head.

“Yes!” I wailed. “Yes! I'm your whore! Fuck me, _god_ , fuck me! _Use_ me.” Cullen threw me forward onto Garrett who kissed me roughly.

“You love taking our cocks, don't you?” Garrett asked against my lips as I tried to kiss him, my tongue hanging out. “The thought of us using your holes any time, any place just makes you so wet, doesn't it? Bet you love the idea of bending over a table to read something only for your skirt to be shoved up and a _fat cock_ slammed into you. You'd grip the table so _hard_ , trying to brace yourself as one of us just _took_ you, making you scream and using you. Such a _fucking_ slut.”

I threw my head back, wailing as I climaxed hard, slamming my hips back on them. They both groaned as they followed, seed spilling out around their shafts. I collapsed on Garrett's chest, mewling as Cullen peppered my scared back with kisses.

“Mmm, I love playing Templar's and Mages',” Garrett groaned. “It get's so dirty.” Cullen chuckled, pulling his softening cock out of me and grabbing the towel from the bedside table. He gently cleaned us, trying to be careful of my oversensitive parts.

“I just keep picturing being at the Gallows with her,” he said with a chuckle. “I wonder if Meredith would have found out.”

“Probably,” Garrett grumbled. “That evil bitch knew how to ruin _all_ the fun.” I giggled, allowing myself to be moved so I was between them, stretched out over the covers.

“Not to mention with me getting pregnant all the time, she'd eventually investigate,” I said.

“We'd just have to run away, then,” Cullen said, kissing my shoulder. “We'd go into hiding and keep our babies safe.”

“Why _Knight-Commander_ ,” Garrett cooed, reaching over and kissing the other man. “How _naughty_ of you to aid a mage in escaping.”

“Call it your bad influence,” Cullen teased.

“Good to know I can still corrupt a pious man,” Garrett chuckled.

“Well, _she_ corrupted me first,” Cullen remarked with a grin. "So many dirty fantasies of lifting her little night dress and shoving my cock in her while she slept sweetly in my bed." I laughed as Garrett pouted, pulling the ex-Templar down for a kiss. Cullen's arms slid between me and the bed, pulling me firmly against him as I giggled.

“You're just saying that because she's carrying your baby,” Garrett huffed. 

“You have to admit, there's something very sexy about a part of me growing inside her,” Cullen purred, kissing along my neck.

“Fuck yes,” Garrett hissed. “It's even hotter watching her breastfeed.”

“Breastfeed?” I asked. “What's so hot about that besides...ya know...boobs.”

“Are you kidding?” Garrett asked incredulously. “Watching you nurse my baby was...mmm...I just wanted to fuck you right there the first time I saw it. It was hot, it was romantic, it made me feel all _gooey_ inside...”

“This sounds like gas,” Cullen remarked and I rolled over, dissolving into hysterical laughter.

“It wasn't that funny,” Cullen said.

“Yes...yes it _was_ ,” Garrett howled from the floor, having fallen off the bed in stitches. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I slammed my fist into the bed, unable to catch my breath. I heard Garrett's foot make contact with the bed as he kicked his legs, his arms gripping his stomach. Suddenly a loud sound ripped through the room and I laughed harder as Cullen made a face.

“Oops!” Garrett gasped his voice an octave higher. “Guess it was gas.”

“Oh my god, I'm dying!” I cried. “Oh, my stomach! It hurts!” Cullen shook his head, chuckling for a moment before he began laughing, his head in his hands.

“You two are...Maker's breath.” Soon he was hunched over, fist pounding the bed as he began laughing harder. I felt my stomach gurgle and quickly scooted my bottom towards Garrett.

“Return fire!” I screamed as another loud sound echoed in the room. Cullen fell over, holding his stomach as he roared with laughter while Garrett tried to roll away from me.

“Ahhh! Oh no!” he cried, still laughing. “Oh, Maker it's _bad_! What did you eat!” I held my stomach, looking over at Cullen who was no longer making a sound as he laughed, tears spilling down from the corners of his eyes.

“I _love_ you two,” he gasped, rolling and pressing his face to the bed. We calmed eventually, Garrett climbing back into the bed, his lips pulled into a wide grin.

“That's my girl,” he said, leaning over and kissing me still smiling. I returned the kiss, holding my arms out to Cullen as he came to give me one of his own.

“I haven't laughed that hard in a _long_ time,” he sighed, nuzzling my neck.

I giggled, snuggling down between the two, letting their soothing voices lull me to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup! Fart jokes! C'mon. You know it's not love until you can fart in front of each other.


	112. Chapter 112

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do doo doo! Another chapter.

I watched Cullen as he showed Malcolm how to hold the sword and use it, my hand rubbing my stomach. I had gotten big in the past couple months and my husbands loved it. I didn't understand how they saw me as sexy, my ankles were swollen, my back hurt, I was throwing up at least once a day and now I was hot all the time. I wore a thin strapped off the shoulder dress made of cotton so light it was almost see-through. My hair was pulled up at the crown of my skull, my nape exposed to any blessedly cool breeze that came. It was summertime and while the Frostback's never fully got hot, it did warm up. When I was pregnant with Malcolm, most of my pregnancy was carried out in the winter months. I had given birth just as spring was getting into full swing and the cold was fading, so I hadn't been bothered much by the heat. Now there were nights I slept in Cullen's old room because it was cooler and the men stayed in our room, so no body heat. 

Malcolm glared as Cullen knocked him to the floor with one swipe, snatching up the practice sword from where it had fallen and charging the man. Cullen spun to the side and Malcolm stumbled, landing in the mud again.

“Don't fight angry,” Cullen said. “When you lose your cool head, you don't think properly.” I watched as Cullen brought his blade down, blocking Malcolm's swing. Back and forth they went, Cullen easily beating Malcolm. When Cullen declared an end to training, Malcolm raced to me, his cheeks puffed out in anger.

“Mamae, Papa's _mean_!” he cried. Cullen rolled his eyes as he returned the items to their proper places on the rack.

“Why is Papa mean, my love?” I asked.

“He _beat_ me,” he said, crossing his arms.

“He _beat_ you because he's _stronger_ than you,” I explained, picking up a rag and scrubbing his mud covered cheek. “You'll have to get better if you want to beat him. He wouldn't be teaching you anything if he let you win.”

“But I'll never win!” 

“You don't know that,” I said. “I'm sure, if you practice and listen to your Papa's advice, you'll beat him.”

“How do _you_ know?” he asked, turning his head and sniffing.

“Would you like to try that again without the attitude?” I asked in a low voice, my brow arched. He ducked his head, looking sheepish.

“Sorry, Mamae,” he said. “How _do_ you know, though?”

“Because the first time I sparred with Papa, he kicked my butt,” I said and my son's eyes went wide.

“You beat Papa?” he asked.

“Well, our last match ended in a draw,” I said. “And I lasted much longer. But Papa has years of experience on me.” My son looked contemplative, brow's drawn together in thought.

“Okay,” he said. “I'll practice.”

“Now,” I said, tugging his mud covered tunic over his head. “Go tell Papa how awesome he is.” Malcolm giggled and raced to Cullen who bent down, scooping the little boy up in his arms. I watched as my son rubbed his smooth cheek along Cullen's stubbled one, gushing about how much he loved him. Cullen gave the boy an adoring smile and pressed a kiss to his brow, hugging him tightly. I heard a shutter sound and turned to find Garrett standing there with my phone in his hand. He turned his head towards me after briefly checking the picture.

“That's one for the books,” he said, turning to screen towards me. I nodded as I saw the photo a smile spreading over my lips. There was something so fucking _adorable_ about Garrett Hawke, the massive mage Champion of Kirkwall take pictures with my phone of his son and lover.

“Let's go get a bath,” Cullen said, perching the child to his hip.

“Babae's coming!” Garrett declared. “Wanna join us, Mamae?”

“You boys go on,” I said, waving my hand. “Mamae's too hot for the bathhouse.”

“Poor Mamae,” Garrett cooed, bending down and kissing my temple. “Want me to make you an ice necklace?”

“Please,” I said, giving him a grateful smile. He moved his hands carefully, swirls of blue light drifting between his palms. I watched a band of ice slowly started to form, curving slightly until it was a crescent. Garrett moved his hands around my neck, slowly building the ice so it formed a ring with a slight gap, resting delicately on my neck. I sighed in relief as cold water began trickling along my skin, pushing the heat back.

“Thank you, darling,” I said, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Any time, love.”

The boys walked off towards the bathhouse and I wandered in the direction of the throne room. I almost bowled Vivienne over when she came around the corner and I cried out in surprise. She jumped, her eyes wide before narrowing at me angrily.

“Well, Seer looks like you got your wish,” she bit out.

“My wish?” I asked.

 

“Leliana just became the new Divine,” Vivienne spat. “And she said she won't be reinstating the circles.”

“Good,” I said in a clipped tone. “Remind me to buy her shoes.”

“You may have doomed us all,” Vivienne hissed. “Power unchecked...”

“Who said it would be unchecked?!” I shouted back. “Where was that written? We'll still have to answer to the Chantry, we just won't be locked away. We'll be able to have a life and family's and dreams! Do you know what they'd do to me? To Malcolm? They'd separate us! They'd take my children! How can you be okay with that? Because you got to watch from the windows of a better prison? Fuck you! I have just as much right to have a life as anyone else! I have just as much right to love someone, or did you forget you once did the same? I have just as much right to have a child with him and not have it stolen from me!” Vivienne stood silent, staring at me in shock. I drew back, realizing I had gotten in her face during my outburst.

“I have a right to be treated fairly,” I said firmly, keeping my volume level in check. “I have a right to a choice. Don't forget, Madam De Fur, power and status granted you that privilege. Few around you were so lucky.” I ducked around her, storming up to the rookery. Leliana spun around as I slammed the door open, marching over to her and throwing my arms around her. She drew back, her hands up in surprise but I only hugged her tighter. Eventually, she relaxed and returned the embrace, her chin resting on my shoulder.

“What is this?” she asked.

“Typically it's called a _hug_ ,” I replied, causing her to snort.

“You _know_ what I mean.”

“Thank you,” I said, my throat tight. Leliana tensed slightly and I could feel her head turning to look at me as much as she could.

“For what?”

“ _Not locking me up,_ ” I said in a whisper. Leliana relaxed and tightened her arms around me.

“Of course not,” she said. We stood there for a moment, hugging as I tried to calm myself.

“Pregnancy emotions?” Leliana asked. 

“Yes,” I said, my voice muffled by her shoulder.  Her hand smoothed over my back, soothing me. I finally pulled away, dabbing at my eyes as I did. 

“Perhaps you could assist me with something,” she said in a low voice.

“Of course,” I said, looking up at her eagerly.

“You see, the land we picked out for our dear Commander is an hour away from Kirkwall,” she said. “I wasn't sure if I should pick land a bit closer to Kirkwall.”

“I...what?” I asked.

“Well, since Cullen will be making the commute _twice_ a day from Kirkwall to the sanctuary.” Her blue eyes glittered as she stared at me, the corners of her mouth tugging up. 

“Okay, when and how?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.

“You three are _not_ discreet,” she said. “And Varric _may_ have sent me a letter.”

“You're not _weirded_ out?” I asked.

“I was a little at _first_ ,” she admitted. “But, who am I to judge? Love is the Maker's best gift and is _infinite_.” Tears spilled down my cheeks and I saw once again, that gentle girl from Origins that was so full of hope and love as she reached out and brushed the tears from my cheek with her thumb.

"I suppose if the Divine accepts it, it can't be wrong," I murmured. Leliana grinned and I smiled back at her, watching as she walked over and pulled out a map of the Free Marches.

“This bit of land is a little closer,” she said, pointing. “Not by much, but every little bit helps.”

“Garrett and I were thinking of just living on the land with Cullen,” I said. “But I'll let you know.”

“Please do,” she said, still smiling. “By the way, the child...?”

“Yup,” I said. Her lips twitched and uncertainty crept into her eyes.

“Does that mean...?” I plucked at my finger, my gaze darting around.

“Can you keep a secret?” I asked. Her brow arched and I rolled my eyes.

“I mean _will_ you.” She gave a slow nod, her mouth set in a grim line.

“I'm the one,” I said. “I'm sick so much because of lyrium withdrawal.”

“And he doesn't know?”

“Neither of them do, and I'd prefer to keep it that way.”

“I...very well.”

“Thank you, Leliana,” I sighed. I turned and walked towards the door.

“He has a _right_ to know,” she said suddenly. I paused, my hand hovering over the door handle.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.....WTF Michelle!


	113. Undefeated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING**   
>  sex and bad dad jokes.

I laughed as Garrett and Cullen played with my phone, Garrett enjoying showing the Commander all of the nifty things it could do.

“This is so complicated for such a small device,” Cullen marveled.

“It's really neat!” Garrett gushed. “And she has so much music!”

“I enjoy the music,” Cullen said. “I like the songs from your world.”

“Me, too,” I giggled.

“Did you make these videos?” Garrett asked.

“No, baby,” I said. “I told you, other people did. I made a few, but they're not on there. They were on my computer, but I don't have that.”

“What were they about?” Cullen questioned.

“Well, I made one for Garrett, one for Cullen, one for the Warden and a few for other games and movies.”

“Oh?” Garrett asked, suddenly interested. “What songs did you play?” I held out my hand and my husband slid the phone into my palm. I flicked through my music, queuing up a few songs.

“This is the song I played for you,” I said to Garrett, setting the phone on the table face down so the speaker wasn't blocked. “I made it under the assumption you had gotten with Isabela.”

I closed my eyes, singing along to it, suddenly lost in the pictures that played in my head of Garrett's journey from Lothering to the fall of Meredith.

 

 

“Love doesn't discriminate  
Between the sinners  
And the saints  
It takes and it takes and it takes  
And we keep loving anyway  
We laugh and we cry  
And we break  
And we make our mistakes  
And if there's a reason I'm by her side  
When so many have tried  
Then I'm willing to wait for it  
I'm willing to wait for it.” Garrett watched me, golden eyes locked on my lips as he listened closely.

  
“My grandfather was a fire and brimstone preacher   
But there are things that the  
Homilies and hymns won't teach ya   
My mother was a genius   
My father commanded respect   
When they died they left no instructions  
Just a legacy to protect “ I paused, clenching my fist as I sang, recalling when Garrett lost those he loved, one by one, until he was alone in the world, in the empty manor.

  
"Death doesn’t discriminate  
Between the sinners  
And the saints  
It takes and it takes and it takes  
And we keep living anyway  
We rise and we fall  
And we break  
And we make our mistakes  
And if there’s a reason I’m still alive  
When everyone who loves me has died  
I’m willing to wait for it  
I’m willing to wait for it.

I am the one thing in life I can control  
I am inimitable  
I am an original.  
I’m not falling behind or running late  
I’m not standing still  
I am lying in wait.”  
Garrett's eyes shone with a slight sheen and I could tell he was thinking the same thing I had, imagining hold his mother's lifeless body and knowing he was truly alone in the world.

  
“Hamilton faces an endless uphill climb  
He has something to prove  
He has nothing to lose  
Hamilton’s pace is relentless  
He wastes no time,  
What is it like in his shoes?  
Hamilton doesn’t hesitate  
He exhibits no restraint  
He takes and he takes and he takes  
And he keeps winning anyway  
He changes the game  
He plays and he raises the stakes  
And if there’s a reason  
He seems to thrive when so few survive, then Goddamnit-  
I'm willing to wait for it   
I'm willing to wait for it...” I watched as Cullen put his arm around Garrett's back and suddenly Garrett was smiling, reaching over and resting a hand on the other man's knee, his gaze still locked on me. I was curious about what my mage husband was thinking, but I kept on singing.

  
“Life doesn't discriminate  
Between the sinners and the saints  
It takes and it takes and it takes  
And we keep living anyway  
We rise and we fall and we break  
And we make our mistakes  
And if there's a reason I'm still alive  
When so many have died  
Then I'm willin' to-  
Wait for it...  
 Wait for it...    
Wait...” He leaned forward and I took his hand, letting him pull me into his lap, my legs spread as I straddled his thighs.

  
“I was waiting for you,” he said. “Both of you. Your my 'Hamilton’s'.”

“Oh?” I asked. “How so.”

“That's just what that verse made me think of,” he said. “The two of you. You both faced what must have seemed like an uphill climb, you both kept winning and thrived when lesser men and women fell to lesser evils.”

“Why that was almost romantic,” Cullen purred, leaning over and kissing Garrett's jaw.

“Fuck almost,” I said. “That was so fucking sweet and poetic.”

“I stand corrected,” Cullen chuckled.

“I'm glad you think I'm awesome, darling,” I said.

“For the record, I think your incredible,” Cullen said, resting his head on Garrett's shoulder.

“What song did you play for his?” Garrett asked, jerking his thumb towards Cullen. I scanned through my music, looking for the song, standing up and moving back to the middle of the room. I pressed play when I found it, letting Daughtry's 'Undefeated' filter out of my phone.

 

“Swing left, swing right,” I sang, jerking my left then right arm in punches.  
“Bruised and black-eyed  
Half a life  
Bleeding, choking but not broken  
Inside  
And in this world of compromise  
I hit every curb, every red light  
Trying to keep both hands on the wheel  
But through it all I'm  
Still undefeated.” I raised my arms up like I was cheering.  
“With my back against the ropes  
Still undefeated  
You can knock me down with mighty blows  
But you cannot break my hooo-oo-oooope.” Cullen looked at me lovingly and I smiled, knowing I was being goofy.

  
“Weak knees, can't stand  
Raise up your hands  
Don't walk away  
Been sucker punched but I'm not down  
My feet have never left the ground  
It's a fight that I can't fix  
Like a cut that needs a stitch  
And somehow through it all I stay  
Still undefeated  
With my back against the ropes  
Still undefeated  
You can knock me down with mighty blows  
But you cannot break my hope  
Cannot break my hope  
Cannot break my hope, yeah.” I crawled over to Cullen, letting my husband tug me into his lap. I went easily, kneeling over him so my chest touched his chin, my legs straddling his lap.

  
“We're the ones who take the beating  
Get back up and we're still breathing  
We are the ones  
We'll take the hit straight to the face  
And never look the other way  
We are the ones.” I pressed kisses to his cheeks, smiling as I heard him chuckle softly.

  
“Still undefeated  
With our back against the ropes  
We're still undefeated  
We'll break these chains  
To let them know they  
Cannot break our hope.” Cullen's hands gripped my hips gently and I opened my eyes to see his were closed and a smile played on his lips.

  
“They cannot break our hope  
They cannot break our  
They can break us down  
But they can't break our hope.” The song faded out and Cullen tilted his head back, kissing me tenderly.

  
“For the record,” I said. “I think both songs apply to both of you.”  They smiled and Cullen moved gentle kisses down my neck.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too,” I told him. My head was turned and Garrett claimed my lips in a slow kiss that had me melting against him. Cullen's lips moved to my collarbone as Garrett continued to plunder my mouth, moaning softly into my mouth. The skirt of my dress was pushed us and my smalls were tugged to the side as a hard cock slid inside me. I tore my mouth from Garrett's, throwing my head back as I sank down on Cullen's cock. Calloused hands tugged at the ties of my gown until it was loose enough to pull over my head. Garrett put an arm around my shoulders, leaning me back and feasting on my breast. The angle had Cullen's cock hitting that spot inside me perfectly and it wasn't long before I was climaxing, my channel spasming around my husband's cock. Garrett trailed his lips up my chest to my throat where he sucked and kissed the skin there. Cullen pulled me down so my pelvis pressed against his, his thumb teasing my clit, slowly at first then faster and faster. I tried to move my hips but his other hand held them firmly, letting me know I was to stay put. It was torture and writhed between them, begging. Garrett kissed me, his hand cupping my breast and rolling one hard nipple between his fingers. 

“Harder,” I pleaded. “More.” Garrett fisted his hand in my hair, pulling cruely and releasing my breast only to deliver a firm slap to the tender flesh. I climaxed against, rutting against Cullen as his thumb followed the movement of my hips, never ceasing it's teasing. My hips stuttered, the teasing caresses feeling like agony on my over stimulated bud.

I gripped his wrist, trying to stop him but he ignored me, only tightening his hold on my hip. I orgasmed again, wailing as I clawed at his forearm.

“No more, please,” I begged. Garrett moved behind me, straddling Cullen's knee's and lifting me off the other man. He sheathed his cock in me quickly as I climaxed again, pushing me against Cullen. I wrapped my arms around the commander's neck, kissing him pleadingly as he kept teasing my pearl. 

“Please, I can't...” I sobbed against his scared lips, flicking my tongue between them. He chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair, nipping at my lower lip.

“Be a good girl and take it,” he purred and I was cumming again, his husky voice sending me over the edge once more. He finally stopped his teasing, kissing the tears from my cheeks as Garrett gave a slow roll of his hips. I looked down at Cullen, seeing him staring at me with a gentle smile tugging at his lips.

“Hello, love,” he cooed.

“Hello,” I replied with a soft smile. Garrett leaned forward, pressing kisses along my neck as his hand cupped my breast. I turned my head and he moved his lips to mine, his other hand stroking the tips of his calloused fingers down my cheek.

“Ar lath ma, vhenan,” he murmured and I sighed softly, cupping the back of his head.

“Ar lath ma,” I said, parting my lips for him. He pulled back, bringing my hips back as he rose to his feet, legs still spread over Cullen's knees. He bent forward, chest against my back with one hand on my breast and the other gripping my hips as he kissed my neck. I gripped the back of the sofa, one hand on either side of Cullen's head and moaned as Garrett thrust into me.

“Maker's breath,” Cullen swore and I opened my eyes, seeing him watching us intently, stroking his cock. “I love watching you two.” Garrett chuckled hoarsely, speeding up his thrusts.

“Like watching your wife get fucked while she's pregnant, Rutherford?” he teased.

“Maker, yes,” Cullen hissed and I moaned, letting my head drop so my hair spilled over my shoulders, exposing the nape of my neck that Garrett immediately bit.

“Tell him how it feels, baby.” I could feel Garrett smiling against my skin and let my eyes open. I looked down at Cullen who was smirking, looking at me expectantly.

“G-Good,” I gasped. “Ahn, fuck, it feels...really good. I'm so full. My thighs are soaked. I don't...uhnn....I don't think I can....take it...I need to cum. Please.”

“Cum, love,” Cullen said, reaching up and kissing me. “Be a good girl and cum for us.” I did, letting out a wail as I was pushed over the edge. Garrett groaned and spilled inside me, rubbing my round belly. I was eased into Cullen's lap while Garrett flung himself down beside us.

“Shit, I can't feel my legs,” he complained. I leaned over and kissed him, giggling softly.

“I'm sorry, sweety,” I said.

“Sorry?!” he cried. “Why the fuck are you sorry? That's a good thing! Shit, woman, I came so damn hard I'm surprised I'm not dead.” Cullen and I laughed and took turns kissing him before turning to each other. The ex-templar lifted my hips, easing himself inside me and pulling me to his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder, enjoying the feel of his arms holding me so close to him. 

“I love you,” he said, carding his fingers through my hair.

“I love you,” I said. “So much.” His hold on me tightened briefly before he turned his head, nuzzling my cheek. I mewled softly, tilting my head to the side and capturing his lips. The arm around my waist moved back, his hand on my stomach.

“My girls,” he said with a goofy grin. I nodded, smiling at his giddiness. 

“Your's Papa Cullen,” I teased. He chuckled and moved his hand to my hip, shiting my pelvis so he could make shallow thrusts into me.

“Now call him big Papa,” Garrett snorted, referencing the song I had played for him that made him roll on the floor laughing.

“You're ruining the moment,” we both said, swatting at him as he chuckled. Garrett leaned forward, giving us each a tender kiss before sitting back and watching us move against each other, sharing sweet kisses and caresses. When my final orgasm crested, I relaxed against Cullen's chest, calm and sleepy, lulled into the Fade by his hand in my hair.


	114. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING**  
>  Graphic descriptions of giving birth.

I gripped my stomach as a wave of pain washed over me, my other hand gripping the door frame tightly. I had woken from my nap to an unbelievable pain and immediately knew I was in labor. What had started out as a dull ache I attributed to my size and general pregnancy discomfort, blossomed into full-blown contractions when I had woken up.

“ _Help_!” I cried in a wavering voice, my legs buckling. “ _Oh god_ , Help!” I gripped the railing, trying to carefully traverse the steps that led to the throne room. I stumbled, trying desperately not to fall as I moved closer to the sound of voices.

“Help! Help!” I called as I got closer. The door flung open and Krem came rushing in, his eyes darting around. When they landed on me he swore in Tevene and raced to my side.

“What is it? Is it the baby?” he asked frantically.

“The baby's _coming_!” I gasped, letting myself be eased back to sit on the steps.

“Oh shit,” he breathed. “Wait here! I'll go get... _fuck_...someone!” He turned and dashed back out the door, calling out for help. I screamed as another contraction came, my hand fisting on the railing. It wasn't long before I was being lifted into massive arms and Iron Bull was murmuring reassurances in my ear. I gripped his harness, gritting my teeth against the pain. He carried me back up to my room, gently lowering me to the bed.

“Solas and the midwife will be here soon,” he assured me.

“Garrett...Cullen...” I gasped. He paused before nodding.

“Them, too,” he said. “Your boy's gone to find them.” I threw myself back on the bed, moaning in pain.

“Kill me,” I begged.

“No, da'lath'in,” came Solas's gentle voice as he quickly began getting things ready.

“Babae,” I gasped. “The guys...”

“Are on their way,” he assured, taking my hand. Bull left when the midwife came in and quickly tore my smalls off, checking how far dilated I was.

“Halfway there,” she said. Garrett and Cullen raced into the room, eyes wide.

“Oh no!” the midwife cried. “We are not doing this again!”

“They stay!” I cried.

“Only the _father_!” she insisted. “Commander, you will _have_ to go.”

“You have _no idea_ the irony of that statement,” Garrett grumbled. The midwife looked at Garrett, her eyes almost bugging out of her head as they turned back to Cullen.

“The commander...?”

“Don't think on it,” Cullen said harshly, strolling to my side and taking my hand. He knelt beside the bed, pushing my hair back from my forehead.

“There, there, darling,” he cooed. “We're here.” The midwife looked at us, her jaw hanging loose.

“My daughter is a very loving person,” Solas said, his voice edged with ice. “I trust that it is not a _problem_.”

“I..no...of course not,” she stammered.

“I also trust that it won't be talked about with those who are not involved,” my father said, his eyes cutting to the woman. She recoiled, shaking her head mutely.

“Good,” he said, his lips tugging up in a frosty smile.

“Babae, stop,” I groaned. “Giving birth. Threaten later.”

“Yes, dear,” he said. I screamed, thrashing on the bed in pain. Garrett moved to my other side, petting and kissing me.

“Just breathe, baby,” he said. My contraction eased and I lay back on the pillows, panting. Cullen looked miserable, his gaze locked on me, his thoughts almost blasting out.

“ _Stop_.”

“Stop what?” he asked.

“Stop hating yourself,” I said.

“This is childbirth, Cull,” Garrett said. “She's fine.” Cullen nodded and tried to smooth his expression out, but I could still see the concern in his eyes. The contractions came quicker, and it wasn't long before my water broke, soaking the towel the Midwife had placed beneath my hips. I writhed on the bed, hoping it would be over soon. I was in so much pain I didn't think I would have the energy to push if I kept going.

“You're doing great,” Garrett said. 

“You're amazing,” Cullen breathed. I gave a pained laugh, hissing between my teeth as another wave hit me.

“You can start to push, Madam,” the Midwife said. I gripped my husband's hands and began pushing, screaming in agony. I was so tired I could barely think. 

“Come on, baby,” Garrett murmured.

“You can do this,” Cullen encouraged, pushing my hair back from my face. Each contraction that hit I pushed, pain tearing through me. My energy was draining and it was getting harder and harder to keep going, to keep fighting. I didn't recall it being this painful last time. Garrett kissed the back of my hand while Cullen murmured a prayer under his breath. Sweat poured down from my temples and neck, my gown soon soaked in it and my hair sticking to my face. A high pitched wail rent the air and the midwife was lifting a squirming creature from between my legs.

“A girl!” she declared, handing the babe to my father who quickly cut the cord and wrapped her in a towel.

“Listen to those lungs!” Garrett laughed, sniffling.

“That was...” Cullen breathed, pressing his forehead to mine.

“Amazing,” Garrett finished for him. “Incredible, astounding.”

“Yes,” Cullen sighed, tears spilling down his cheeks. “Maker, I love you.” I smiled tiredly, unable to get even my lips to move to speak. I closed my eyes, feeling my body become heavy.

“I need help!” the midwife cried and there was a scuffling noise.

“Shit!” Solas swore from the bottom of the bed.

“What's going on?” Cullen asked, alarmed.

“She's bleeding,” Solas said. “...I...no...”

“What?” Garrett asked the bed shifting.

“She's so weak,” Solas said, his voice torn. “Her magic...I can't.. _.it won't heal_...”

“What do you mean _it won't heal?_ ” Cullen cried and I felt his hand on my shoulder, shaking me. “Michelle? _Wake up_! You _have_ to fight! Don't go to sleep!”

“Fuck, here, tell me what to do!” Garrett's voice had moved to the bottom of the bed.

“Heal this tear here!”

“It's not working! _Baby_ , you have to stay with us!”

“Please, _no_.”

“Da'lath'in, _please_!”

“Maker, _no_.”

"Michelle!"

“Revas!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...I had to give you at least one cliff hanger...


	115. Wait For It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me! *runs*
> 
> EDIT: I fixed the picture. I forgot to draw Gethorn's scars. SORRY!

                                                                                                                   
  
  
                                                                                                       **~* Garrett's Point Of View*~**  
  
  
I collapsed to the ground, my mana drained to dangerous levels and sweat beading my brow. Michelle lay on the bed, pale and serene as if she merely slept and I prayed she did.  
  
“She's _alive_ ,” Solas gasped, pressing sobbing kisses to his daughter's brow as tears spilled over his cheeks. “Thank all that's holy, she's _alive_.”  
  
“Is she going to be okay?” I asked, weakly. I felt like I had been hit by a Qunari Battle Ax and I was reminded of fighting the Arishok in Kirkwall. Varric left out the part where I had been bedridden for three days after that little adventure.  
  
Solas paused, his eyes clenching shut as I felt a faint ripple of his magic, of what was left of it. His shoulder's slumped and he stood, his hands lingering on her cheeks before he turned sad eyes, her eyes, to me.  
  
“I don't know,” he said. “It's in her hands now. But...she is _very_ weak.” It was like someone knocked the wind out of me and I suddenly wasn't so fucking tired anymore. I hoisted myself to my feet and stared down at Michelle as she lay on the bed, completely still except for the slow rise and fall of her chest.  
  
I looked to Cullen who was shaking his head, hands digging into his blond hair.  
  
“It doesn't make _sense_ ,” he said, looking to Solas pleading for an answer. “She was _fine_.” Solas paused, his eyes shifting guiltily before closing. He turned his head so he was facing her again, swallowing.  
  
“She was weakened by the lyrium addiction.”  
  
“ _What_?” Cullen breathed.  
  
“The child wasn't born addicted to lyrium,” Solas said. “She is fine. Her _mother_ was the one who had that battle.”  
  
“She was so sick because...” I trailed off, my eyes wide as I recalled her nightmares, her fatigue, and nausea, her wild emotions, all things I had attributed to the pregnancy. All the things she had assured me where normal.  
  
“Yes,” Solas said. “She asked me not to tell you. She...she feared you would want her to terminate the pregnancy.”  
  
I almost bowed. It was like a physical blow. She didn't _trust_ us? She had _lied_?  
  
“No, no!” Cullen gasped. “Oh Maker, _no_!” He ran from the room but I barely noticed, so focused on her peaceful appearance, her lips stilled pulled up in the faintest smile as her chest rose and fell. The child wailed in the background and I turned, tears clouding my vision as I looked at it. A thatch of wild red hair decorated its head and I walked over, picking it up.  
  
No.  
  
Not it.  
  
_Her_.  
  
Emilia.  
  
She looked up at me, those same eyes, Michelle's eyes, her brother's eyes, her father's eyes, they looked up at me. I placed a gentle kiss on the baby's cheek, holding her close to my chest as I looked up at the now open door, our curious friends looking in. My tears fell and I heard Leliana gasp out;  
  
“No! Garrett! _No_!”  
  
Madison was pushing through the crowd, standing in the middle of the room. His eyes landed on his sister and he was at her side, taking her hand. The moment he did, he drew back, his gaze going to first his father, then the group.  
  
“She's...she's _cold_...”  
  
The baby began screaming again as those in the hall sobbed and wailed. Leliana fell to her knee's, Josephine leaned heavily on the wall as sightless eyes fell on the bed, Cole gapped as tears spilled down his cheeks. I saw Dorian bury himself into Bull's chest, one hand tearing at the Qunari's harness as the larger man pressed a fist to his eyes, his lips drawn back in a grimace. I turned from the sight, unable to bear it but my gaze only landed on Madison kneeling beside her bed, face buried in her stomach as his shoulders shook. I hushed Emilia, rocking her slowly.  
  
“I'm sorry this isn't happier, little one,” I said. “We'll make it up to you, I promise.” I hugged the child tightly, walking over and laying a gentle kiss on my wife's brow.  
  
She was _cold_.  
  
She didn't _move_.  
  
I let the midwife take the child from my numb hands and knelt at her other side, taking her hand and kissing her icy fingers.  
  
  
Maker, _please_ , don't take her.  
  
Haven't you taken enough from me?  
  
Haven't I lost enough?  
  
Must I lose Michelle too?  
  
Why give her to me if you were just going to take her back?  
  
What was that thing she had said, just a few days ago, draped between Cullen and me, giggling as we talked of how boring our lives had gotten and would get with Corypheus gone, with no more Inquisition, no more fear, and battle? I remember those lips of hers curling into a smile while blue eyes moved from Cullen to me, then the ceiling.  
  
“I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my loves. We are good people and we’ve suffered enough.”  
  
Hadn't we been good enough, hadn't we suffered enough?  
  
I dropped her hand, rising to my feet and storming out of the room. I couldn't take the sight of her fragile body laying on the bed, pale even on the white sheets. I pushed past the crying onlookers, trying not to notice how even Cassandra was pressing her hand over her mouth as silent tears spilled down her cheeks.  
  
I raced outside, needing space, needing air. I ran into the barn since I knew it would be empty and slammed my fist into one of the posts, the wood unyielding to my rage.  
  
“ _Why_?” I whispered, putting my brow to the other side of my fist. “Why give her to me if you just take her _back_!? Why _torment_ me? Where's our soft epilogue? When have you taken _enough_?” I punched the post again, turning and grabbing the table that had tools scattered over it and flipping it. I turned my gaze towards the sky, seeing the bright blue through the cracks in the wooden roof. My nails dug into my palms as I clenched my fist, raising it up over my head. “She one of the _few_ things in this world you _fucking abandoned_ that was good and you couldn't let us _keep_ her? _Andraste_ wasn't enough, _our love_ wasn't enough, _our devotion_ wasn't enough? _Again_ and _again_ , you take whats good in this world to your side? _My father, my sister, my mother,_ they weren't _fucking enough_! What will you need _next_? My children, my husband, my friends? _When is it fucking enough!”_  
  
I grabbed a chair and flung it at the wall, screaming.  
  
“Blackwall might have something to say about you destroying his things in a fit of rage.”  
  
I spun around, finding Solas standing in the doorway, arms crossed behind his back as he regarded me coolly.  
  
“I... _shit_ , I forgot he slept here,” I said, my anger draining as I looked around at what I had done. I quickly began picking the table up, gathering the tools that had gone flying. Solas walked over, kneeling down and assisting me. I looked up and saw he was looking at the ground, blue eyes focused on his task.  
  
“Do you think she will live?” I asked, the words so foul tasting I almost couldn't say them. Solas paused, slowly closing his eyes for a moment, his hand frozen in mid-air. His eyes opened and he picked up the next tool.  
  
“I don't know,” he said in a low voice. I let the tools drop to my lap, putting my head in my hands.  
  
“But if I had to guess, I would say she will be fine,” he said. I looked over to see a small smile tugging at his lips. “My daughter is a fighter. E tan E epi tas.” I let out a wet laugh, scrubbing at my face.  
  
“Yeah, she is,” I said, standing and putting the tools on the table. I picked up the chair which was, thankfully, not broken and set it back in its place. Solas stood, putting his hand on my shoulder.  
  
“You are not what I would have picked for my daughter,” he said. “But there are many things she has done I would not have chosen for her.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Indeed,” he hummed. “I have spoken with her on them, she knows when I have doubts.”  
  
“You doubt her judgment?” I asked.  
  
“I think her kind heart causes her to take on burdens that are not hers. I think her optimistic personality leads her to see hope where there is none. I think her acceptance and open mind led her to associating with dangerous people and putting herself at risk. And I think her love is so boundless it has allowed you to have both her and Cullen.” Blue eyes glanced up at the ceiling, a small smile tugging at his lips. “But, she is happy and that is all a father can ask for. So while I may not have chosen you, I am glad you make her happy.” Blue eyes locked with mine. “ _Both_ of you.” He turned and strolled out of the room and I watched him, suddenly understanding what he was trying to tell me. I walked out of the barn to the battlements, pushing open the door to Cullen's office.  
  
It was a _mess_.  
  
Books, papers, and furniture were all strewn across the room and it seemed Cullen's temper had taken the same path as mine. And Inkwell had been smashed against the wall, a globe dashed against the floor and a wine bottle hanging limply in Cullen's hand.  
  
I stared at Cullen who was crumbled to the floor, tears spilling freely down his cheeks. I called his name, reaching out for him.  
  
“ _Go_ ,” he sobbed miserably. “ _Leave_ me.”  
  
“Cullen?”  
  
“ _Go_! Just _go_!” Cullen cried, glaring at me.  
  
“I...alright. If you want me to go, I will. I love you.” I turned, walking towards the door, my boots thudding loudly on the wood.  
  
“ _How_?” came his wretched voice. “How can you _love me_?” I paused, my foot freezing in mid-air. I slowly lowered it to the wood, turning back to face him.  
  
“Why...why wouldn't I?” I asked.  
  
“It's my _fault_ ,” Cullen sobbed, fingers digging into his scalp. “It's my _fault_.” I could hear him gritting his teeth, his words hissed through them.  
  
“ _Nothing_ is your fault, Cullen,” I said gently. Cullen jumped to his feet, fist clenched, amber eyes wild and angry.  
  
“Don't _fuck_ with me, Hawke!” he spat, making an angry sweep of his hand. “Michelle's like _that_ because of _me_!”  
  
“ _No_ , she's not,” I said simply.  
  
“You should be angry at me! You should _hate_ me! I...I _did_ this! I put a baby in her that _fucking_ killed her! _I_ killed her! The baby _drained_ her strength, the baby _poisoned_ her body and now you're going to _lose_ your wife!”  
  
“She's your wife too, _in case you forgot_ ,” I said in what I hoped was a calm tone. Cullen let out a bitter laugh, turning from me and grabbing his desk, shoulders hunching.  
  
“I was a second, a lover, a _dalliance_. And now we've both lost her forever to that... _thing_.”  
  
I stormed over, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around. His amber eyes were wide as he was forced to face me and my fingers dug into his shoulder as I drew back my fist and punched him. He grunted, falling back against his desk, what remained of his papers and inkwells scattering to the floor. He caught himself on the edge of the desk, looking up at me, his hand cupping his bruised cheek as his mouth hung open.  
  
“Don't _EVER_ say that again,” I spat. “She _loves_ you! I _mother fucking love_ you. She carried your _baby_ because she loved you. She _knew_ the risk, she _knew_ what she was doing, she _hid_ the lyrium addiction from us because she was willing to _risk her life_ for that child! You _demean_ her sacrifice _and_ her love when you talk as if you didn't matter to _her_...to _me_...” My voice caught as my heart clenched in my chest. I loved him, just as I did her. I loved his strength, his humor, his honor. I loved that he had overcome, just like I had, just like she had and understood us. He understood what it felt like to look out ahead of you and see nothing but an endless uphill climb. I loved watching her with him, I loved being with him. I felt like I was going to lose them both at this moment.  
  
“She...she loves your child _so fucking much_ , she loves _you_ so much, that she put herself at risk! How many nights did she wake up _screaming_ , afraid of losing you? How many times did she tell you and show you, that she loved you?” I spun on my heal, reaching the door and flinging it open.  
  
“By the way,” I spat over my shoulder. “That _thing_ is your fucking _child_.” I slammed the door behind me and made my way to her room. It had been cleared out of most of the people, only the midwife, and Madison there. The midwife tended the child, rocking her gently as she fussed while Madison lay, curled into his twin's side, seemingly asleep. I was struck by how similar they looked. Her hair had grown out, several inches of golden hair shining in the light, Madison's hair a shade or so darker. Both had the same arching brows, broad, and rounded chin. The dusting of freckles across his arm matched those on her nose and shoulders. His hair curled wildly with its length as hers rested in ringlets on the pillows. I knelt at her side, taking her hand in mine and pressing it to my forehead.  
  
“Life doesn't discriminate,” I sang softly. “Between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason I'm still alive when so many have died, then I'm willin' to-”  
  
“Wait for it.” I looked up and saw Cullen in the doorway. His cheek had a bruise blossoming on it, his eyes were red, his shirt rumpled and his eyes were downcast. If the situation hadn't been so dire, I would have laughed at how he looked like a naughty child.  
  
His cheek was bruised and his eyes were red.  
  
“You two were _my_ reasons,” he said. I stood, placing her hand gently on the bed and faced him.  
  
“Garrett, _I'm sorry_ ,” he said. “I-...” Emilia wailed and we both turned at the sound. I looked over at Cullen as he swallowed, taking careful steps towards the midwife. The woman held the child out to the Commander, her gaze wary. Cullen took the child in his arms, tucking her into his elbow.  
  
“Hey there,” he said with a smile. “I know it's a bit late, but I'm your Papa.” Emilia stared up at him, blue eyes intent on his face. He pressed a gentle kiss to her brow, his finger's stroking down her cheek.  
  
"You're very lucky," he sniffled, scrubbing the tears from his eye. "You have your mother's eyes." A lump formed in my throat and it took every bit of power in me to swallow past it. Cullen looked up at me and his expression was such complete agony that I took a step forward, ready to comfort him before I stopped. Cullen noticed this and closed his eyes.  
  
"I'm _sorry_ , Garrett," he said. "I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't _mean_ it. I just...I love her _so much_. But...I love _you_ as well. More than anything. I...I'm _sorry_ , my love." I gave him a tight smile and nodded, moving to stand beside him and wrapping an arm around him. He leaned in, kissing me and I sighed softly against his lips.  
  
"I forgive you," I said. "But I'm _not_ healing your cheek."  
  
"No, I think I _deserve_ that mark of shame," Cullen sighed. "We need to tell the boys." I nodded and turned to the midwife.  
  
“Can you go get Malcolm and Gethorn?” I asked. “I...they're in the throne room.” She nodded and left, coming back moments later with the two. Both had red faces, tears still wetting their cheeks. They ran to me and I scooped Malcolm up on my hip before hugging Gethorn tightly.  
  
“Babae,” the elf wailed. “Is it true?”  
  
“Yes,” I said.  
  
“What's wrong with Mamae?” Malcolm whimpered, eyes locked on the bed. “Is Uncle Madison okay?”  
  
“Uncle Madison is just sleeping,” I said. “Mamae is healing. She had a lot of trouble bringing your sister into the world.” Malcolm's gaze darted to where Cullen stood a few feet away, Emilia sleeping in his arms.  
  
“I will be honest with you boys,” I said. “Mamae might not make it.” Gethorn wept openly against my shoulder, his slender body sagging against me. Malcolm's eyes watered.  
  
“She gonna sleep forever?” Malcolm asked.  
  
“I...no,” I said, my mind rapidly working to try and explain what was going on.  
  
“Do you remember when I shot that bird in the woods?” Gethorn asked the child who nodded his head slowly in response. “Remeber how it stopped moving and breathing and I told you it was dead? How it wouldn't fly or sing and do anything ever again?” Again Malcolm gave a slow nod, tears spilling over his cheeks. “That is what could happen to Mamae.” Malcolm began bawling, pressing his face painfully to my shoulder, teeth digging into my skin as his mouth hung open in heartbreaking laments.

  
  
“ _No_ , Babae! Make Mamae _better_! Where's Baela?”  
  
“Baela has already tried, pup,” Cullen said, reaching out and cupping the child's head. I hadn't even heard him move. “Baela and Babae both healed Mamae, but she needs to find her way back to us. She is very weak right now.”  
  
Malcolm and Gethorn continued to weep and I pulled them to the sofa, sitting down and holding them as they cried. I pressed kisses to the tops of their heads, murmuring soothing things to them. I wished for my wife desperately right now. She was always so calming and soothing, she would have known just what to do, what to say.  
  
How often had she calmed Malcolm's tantrums with a few gently said words and a caress to the cheek? Or make Gethorn forget his stress and smile as she did something called 'the running man' across his room. Or soothe Cullen's headaches with gentle touches and a little bit of magic.  
  
My heart tightened painfully in my chest.  
  
  
_Please_ don't leave me, my love.  
  
Don't leave Cullen and me to raise these kids without you.  
  
We need you, they need you.  
  
Please come back to us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put in a picture! Don't kill me! *hides*
> 
> On a seperate note...I hope this seems like it's from Garrett's actual head. Like, that this is shit he would think.


	116. Making Up For It

I ran a comb through my hair and pulled my smalls on, sleepily scrubbing my eyes. I reached over, blindly groping for my pants. I was trying to wake up enough to traverse the steps back to my wife.

Ever since she had fallen ill, Cullen and I had taken to using his old room as a kind of dressing room. Our bedroom had a constant influx of people and after the midwife had walked in on us for the third time, butt fucking naked as we were changing and shrieked loud enough to wake an already fussy Emilia, we had decided we needed more privacy.

I shoved my legs into my pants, looking over as I heard someone climbing the ladder. Cullen's golden head of hair came into view and I smiled at him.

“Hey, sweetheart,” I said, turning to face him as I tugged my breeches around my hips.

“Hello, love,” he returned, walking over and wrapping his arms around my waist. I bent and kissed him, letting my tongue play in his mouth. He moaned softly, pushing his hips against mine. I pulled back slightly, smirking.

“Is my husband feeling a little horny?” I asked.

“I am,” Cullen said. “I may need a little physical affection.” I chuckled, stroking his rough cheek with my knuckles.

“Want my arse, do ya?”

“I'd prefer your cock,” he purred. I arched a brow at this. It was rare Cullen was confident enough to ask for that. I understood that, besides teenage fumblings and experimentation, I was the only man he had ever been with. So when it came to being on the receiving end, he could be a bit shy.

I let out another soft laugh, letting him pull me to the bed. We quickly began stripping off our clothes, eager for one another.

“I think I may need to be punished for what I said the other day,” Cullen said coyly, tossing his smalls to the floor.

“You do,” I agreed, retrieving the bottle of lubricant he had. I pushed him back on the bed, climbing on after him and giving him a languid kiss as my hand cupped his cock. I moved down, hooking my arm under his thigh and tracing lubricated fingers along his puckered hole as I kissed the head of his shaft. He spread his legs, groaning softly as I pressed one finger inside him. He tensed a bit, but I only thrust my finger in and out carefully, wrapping my lips around his cock. I moved so my beard brushed his sack, something I knew drove him wild. 

Cullen began slowly thrusting his hips back on my finger so I added another one, scissoring them to stretch him.

“Harder,” he sighed and I moved my hand faster, pumping them into his entrance so he hissed between gritted teeth. I pulled my mouth from his cock, moving between his legs and lifting his hips so he was bent at the waist. I eyed his wrinkled hole, grinning.

“Look at that hole,” I growled. “Such a slutty little thing.” He bucked his hips, gasping. Both my spouses loved dirty talk and being called 'slut's' when they were being fucked. I'd even heard my wife call him that when she was riding him before, hand twisted in his hair as her hips moved.

“I bet it wants a nice thick cock,” I went on, dragging my tongue over it. “Does it, Cullen? Does your sweet little hole want to be stretched around my shaft? Does it want to be filled?”

“Maker, yes!” His hand moved to his cock, stroking himself eagerly.

“Does my husband want to ride it or be bent over?” I teased, shoving three fingers inside him so he cried out.

“I don't care, just put it in me!” he panted. I pulled back, easing his hips back down on the bed. I stuffed a pillow under his lower back and slathered the oil on my cock. I pushed the head against the ring of muscles, waiting as they slowly eased open enough for me to get the head of my cock inside him. I slowly pushed forward until I was fully sheathed inside him, his channel spasming as it relaxed and adjusted. When I felt him rolling his hips, I pulled back and thrust forward, watching as his back arched. I bent over him, my lips finding one beaded nipple and sucking firmly. A jet of precum hit my chest and I grinned. Cullen loved having his nipples played with, something my wife had discovered during her exploration of his body. We both enjoyed exploiting this, trying to make his orgasms even more intense. It was a game between my wife and me on who could make the commander cum harder just as he and I had a game of making her orgasms more intense. I recalled his smug grin to me one night when she had been riding him and climaxed so intensely, she slumped forward on him, out cold. He had rolled them so she was on her back, splayed out on the bed and resumed fucking her until she woke up, mid-orgasm.

“Mmm, that's a lovely sight,” I purred, looking down at where my cock as plunging into Cullen's arse, his entrance stretched and red around my shaft. “I bet I could make you cum just from fucking your ass.” I angled my hips and thrust in again, grinning when he let out a strangled cry of pleasure.

“There's that button,” I hummed. “Now, no touching your dick. You're going to come just from my cock in you.” I watched him thrash on the bed and smirked, bending down and resuming in teasing his nipples. He bounced his hips wildly, hands gripping my biceps tightly.

“Fuck me harder, mage,” he hissed. I chuckled, doing as he asked, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing in the room.

“What would the other Templar's think if they knew you liked to cum on a mages cock?” I taunted.

“Sod 'em,” he snarled and I laughed. I began fucking him hard, my hips slamming against his violently, hitting that spot inside him each time. His leaking cock jerked against his belly, smearing his skin with precum. I bit down on one beaded nipple, letting my stomach brush over his cock.

“Garrett,” he gasped, grinding on my cock and I knew he was getting close.

“Gonna cum?” I panted against his chest. “Do it, baby. Cum on my cock. Let me fill your little arse hole.”

“Harder,” he demanded. “Maker, do it harder.” I did as he asked, spreading his legs so wide it almost seemed painful. He seized up, cock spewing against his stomach and chest. The rhythmic clamping of his channel pulled my orgasm from me and I spilled inside him, collapsing on his chest as I came down. We lay like that for a time, my cock still inside him as he carded his fingers through my hair.

“I love you,” he said suddenly. I smiled and turned my head, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“I love you, too.”

“I didn't mean what I said the other day,” he said after a long pause.

“Part of you did,” I said. “But it's all right. You were upset.”

“It's no excuse,” he sighed. “I love her, more than anything and the thought of losing her is like a knife in my heart. But I love _you_ , too. More than I can say and when you walked out of the room after punching me...I was afraid I was going to lose you as well.” I sat back, letting my softening cock slip free from him. I cupped his bruised cheek, careful not to touch the purple mark too hard.

“We're married to each other just as much as we are to her,” I said. “Even if she doesn't make it, you will still have me. You always will.” He pulled me closer, kissing me deeply, his hands on my back. I moaned into his mouth. My hand drifted down, rubbing his soft cock eagerly. I suddenly wanted it in me, my own cock awakening once again. He rolled up so he was on top, reaching for the oil as I continued to stroke him. He moved to prepare me but I stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

“No,” I said. “Just put some on your dick and stick in me.”

“I'll hurt you,” he argued, scowling. 

“I'll be fine,”  I assured him, spreading my legs and guiding his cock to my entrance. He poured the oil over himself and pushed the head against my hole, hard. It eventually gave way and the slide of his cock inside me burned. I forced myself to relax, my hand working my own cock. Once he was fully inside, we waited. After a time, I nodded my head and he began roughly fucking me, his thick cock spearing into me. I loved fucking my wife. I loved being inside her, holding her against me, feeling her curves and soft skin, but I loved fucking my husband just as much. The feel of his calloused hands on my skin, the way his cock inside me or his arse around me felt. I fervently worked my cock in time with his rapid thrusts, swearing as I was pushed closer to the edge.

“Who's a little cock whore now?” Cullen taunted.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” I gasped. “For your cock, anyone would be.”

“I married such slutty mages. I bet this is how you avoided capture in Kirkwall before your family name was reinstated. If a Templar got suspicious you just let them fuck you.” I angled my hips and Cullen hit my prostate more firmly, making me moan.

“One Templar loved licking my hole,” I lied with a grin. “Used to push me up against a wall and just dive in. It was great.” Cullen chuckled, shaking his head.

“Was it me?” he asked, his thrusts pausing. “Was I the one eating your ass?”

“Mmmm, _Thrask_.”

“ _Bullshit_.”

I laughed at this, pulling him down for a kiss. 

It wasn't long before I was climaxing, cum splashing over my chest as I spasmed around him. He let out a guttural sound, filling my hole with rope after rope of thick cum. It was Cullen's turn to drop bonelessly to my chest and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly. We lay like that for a time, petting and kissing one another.

“Let's get back to our wife,” the Commander said, pulling free from me and wiping himself down with a rag.

“Yeah, lets,” I said, taking the rag from him and cleaning myself up before retrieving my pants. I smiled at Cullen. If I lost Michelle, it would be a blow I would never recover from. But at least I wouldn't be alone in my mourning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, Michelle didn't wake up. Sorry. But we got a sweet moment between Cullen and Garrett. It's kind of fun to get to explore their relationship, even though the circumstances are so dire.


	117. Wake Up Next To You

For days I watched her lay on that bed, unmoving but for the steady rise and fall of her chest. My father-in-law would brush a nourishment potion over her lips a few times a day and check on her, but as each day passed, his smile diminished and I knew he was losing hope.

Gethorn and Malcolm hovered, crawling into her bed and cuddling up to her. Cullen seemed afraid to touch her while I couldn't keep my hands off her, always kissing her still lips or chilled hands. We took turns looking after Emilia, the midwife showing us how to get her to latch on to her mother to nurse since we had no one who could wetnurse at the moment and the nearest one was a weeks journey out. Skyhold became somber and it seemed everyone was affected by the news of their Seer's ill health. Emilia seemed restless and was constantly fussy. I wasn't sure how to fix this, Malcolm had been such a happy baby that it seemed nothing could upset him.

“Babae? Is Mamae sleeping?” Malcolm asked as he lay with his head pillowed on her stomach.

“Yes, son,” I said from the couch, my fingers carding through Gethorn's hair as he lay sprawled over me. 

“Can't Baela just find her in the Fade?”

“It is not that easy,” Solas said as he dipped a brush in a bowl before painting he daughter's lips with the potion, “I have had a hard time finding her. I suspect that her weakened state could be the cause.”

“Dad, don't say that to him,” I scolded.

“He deserves to know that truth,” Solas said, firmly. “Pretty lies only make the truth hurt more.”

“You sound like her,” Cullen snorted from beside the crib. “Now we know where she gets it.” Solas smirked and kissed his daughter's brow before setting the bowl aside.

“Da'lin, come here,” he said, holding out his arms to the child. Malcolm sat up and reached out, letting himself be pulled up into the elf's grip.

“Mamae is very weak,” he said, balancing the child on his hip. “You know this, yes?”

Malcolm nodded, biting his lower lips.

“What has your mother told you about weakness?” Solas asked.

“Weakness is countered with strength,” my son said, looking at his still mother. “When those we love are weak, we give them our strength.”

“What else did your mother tell you?” Solas asked. Malcolm thought for a long moment, those hazel colored eyes still on her. Those eyes moved slowly to me, sprawled on the couch with a silent Gethorn cuddled to my chest before drifting over to where Cullen was standing, his hand gently rocking a fussing Emilia's cradle.

“We deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we have suffered enough.”

My heart clenched agonizingly to hear my wife's words echoed in the sweet voice of my infant son, her son. The cradle stopped and Cullen stared at Malcolm before his gaze darted to our wife, the most ungodly pain etched into the lines of his face. A tear slipped down his cheek and he put his head in his hand.

“Lemme up, little dragon,” I murmured to Gethorn. “Papa needs a hug.” Gethorn paused, rising slowly. He put a gentle hand on my chest to keep me down before he slowly walked over to Cullen. I looked on intently as he bent down, wrapping slender arms around the man's shaking shoulders. Cullen let out a sobbing gasp and wrapped his arms around Gethorn's waist. The elf bowed his head, a sob falling from his own lips. I watched the two hold each other, crying out their grief together. I turned to the bed, standing and strolling to it before pressing one knee to the mattress and bending over her. I took her hand, holding it to my chest as my lips grazed her ear.

“Only you can give us a soft epilogue, my love,” I said. “I married a _fighter_. I married a _warrior_. You don't get to _leave_ us. _You_ brought these children into this world and they deserve to be raised by the mother who loves them. You don't get to just _leave us_!”

Suddenly Cullen was chuckling, still gripping Gethorn tightly. The chuckles turned to laughter and he pulled back, leaning back in the chair. We all stared at him, confused as to why he was laughing. Had he truly broken? Had losing her been the last thing he could take before his mind finally shattered?

“If you don't come back to us,” he snorted, watery amber eyes gazing at me as he lifted one hand, covering his mouth. “I'm going into the Golden City and kicking the Maker in the balls.” We stared at him before one by one we all dissolved into laughter, recalling the moment she had screamed to the heavens as she bodily hauled my half-dead ass out of a cart and declared violence to the god of all things in return for my soul. Slowly the commander stood, making his way to the other side of the bed where he, too, bent over her with one knee on the mattress. He gently picked up her other hand, pulling it up to his lips and placing a loud kiss on the back.

“You hear _that_ , my love?” he asked. “ _You_ don't get to leave _us_! How do you like _that_? So...how did she put it? Puke it out, sweat it out, I don't give a fuck, just don't leave us.” We slowly fell silent, Cullen sitting down on the bed, her hand still clasped in his.

“Garrett's right,” he said after a time. “I married a warrior who got scorched by fire from an ancient elvhen orb and _survived_. A woman who risked her life time and again, for her friends, for the world...for my child. You don't get to leave us now.” I reached over, kissing the other man soundly on the mouth, for once not hearing gagging protests from my children in the background. We parted and both stood, gathering the kids in our arms for another long night crashing on the couches. Solas stretched out in one of the chairs, smiling when Malcolm chose to curl up against his chest, giving his brother and me more room to lie down. I slowly drifted off to sleep, welcoming the Fade.

I felt like I hadn't been asleep very long when I heard Emilia's gentle cooing. I was going to turn over and ignore it, at least she wasn't screaming again, until I realized that I hadn't heard her sound so content since she was born. I wondered what was making her so happy. I turned towards the crib, scowling as I saw a woman's rump bent over her crib, the wind from the balcony blowing the white skirt out so I couldn't see who it was.

“Hey, what're ya doing?” I slurred groggily. “Who you?” A soft feminine chuckle floated over to me and I froze, the last traces of sleep vanishing. Slowly shoulders rose, the wind dying down and giving me a view of pale arms and slender hands pulling back from the child. Wild emerald colored curls fell over freckled shoulders, that head turning as pink lips twisted into a wry grin. Those blue eyes I had pleaded for days would open gazed at me, sparkling with mischief. 

“I wasn't out _that_ long, was I?” my wife asked. I cried out her name in alarm, her smile growing as my exclamation caused the others to jerk awake in a panic, her soft laughter flitting through the room as one by one, the others turned stunned eyes on the white-robed figure by Emilia's cradle. Malcolm screamed 'Mamae', while Gethorn scrambled off me, kneeing me painfully in the shin as he fell to the floor. Cullen was clutching a throw pillow for dear life, looking confused for a moment before it all seemed to register while Solas stared at her in complete shock.

Her arms opened wide as we all raced to her, almost knocking her over completely in our haste to get to her side. She laughed again as I seized her, devouring her lips hungrily, not giving a fuck about the mix of staleness and potion I tasted on her lips or the smell of old sweat that soaked her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously considered killing her off. Pulling a Varric, ya know. But....meh. I really didn't want to do that to Garrett and Cullen and...well...fucking everyone.
> 
> Maybe one day I'll post all the deleted scenes I have. lol


	118. Waking World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, for anyone who is sensitive and likes to play Social Justice Warrior;  
> Any mentions of abortion or opinions about it, in this chapter and future chapters, are solely what _Michelle_ thinks and her feelings on the _her_ situation. This is a story, not a soapbox and it won't be treated as such. And while you are all more than welcome to express your opinions on the matter as it pertains to this story in the comments, I **WILL NOT** tolerate political debates or insults in the comments section. We're all adults here. I'm not using this story to shame people who have made that choice and if I catch any such remarks in the comments section, I will report you and delete the comments. This is _Michelle's feelings on her situation_ , **PERIOD!**

                       

                                                                                                        **~* Michelle's Point Of View*~**

 

I smiled as I gazed out over the lush green field, laying in the warm spring grass. I felt like I had slept for days and my mind grasped at fading tendrils of memory that seemed important. I lounged lazily, moving my arm up to grasp a pale pink flower and tug it from the ground, reaching up with my other hand and touching the velvet petals.

“ _Mamae_ ,” came a soft voice and I turned my head, smiling dreamily at Malcolm.

“Hello, my son,” I cooed, reaching out and caressing his cheek. “Are we in your dream?”

“Yes, Mamae,” he said, sniffling softly. I sat up, looking down at him concerned as his big doe eyes filled with tears.

“Wh-what's wrong, my love?” I asked, reaching for him.

“You need to _wake up,_ Mamae,” he sobbed, throwing himself into my lap. I was shocked as he began bawling, great wracking sobs shaking his tiny body. Tortured laments fell from his saliva covered lips and my heart broke at the absolute torment my poor little boy seemed to be in. I lifted him up, pressing his face to my neck as I rocked him, humming softly. He tore at my gown with his tiny fingers, wailing desperately against my skin.  I carded my fingers through his wild black hair, attempting to soothe him in some way.

“I will, my sweet babe,” I cooed. “This is just a dream. We will wake soon.”

“ _No_ , Mamae! You've been asleep for weeks!” I paused.

“Weeks?” I shook my head. “Baby, why would I sleep for weeks?”

“Cause you gave birth to Emilia and got hurt!”

My hand froze in mid-air as I suddenly recalled spending hours in labor, pain wracking my body as I screamed. The midwife finally declaring my child born just as an icy cold crept up into me, spreading slowly as the panicked voices of my husbands and father cried out, begging me to hold on. I gently rested my hand on my sobbing son's head as I recalled floating in the fade, so weak and tired. I had heard something, it had pierced through the haze and grounded me...

_“Only you can give us a soft epilogue, my love.”_

_“You don't get to leave us now.”_

My husband's voices had floated to me, allowing me something to grasp in my state. I looked down at my son and smirked. I would have to ask my father, but I suspected that it was Malcolm's power to call others to him in the Fade that had allowed him to bring me here and achieve conscious thought.

“I didn't mean to scare you, my love,” I cooed to him.

“Just come _back_ ,” he begged, turning his head to look at me with tear filled eyes. “Wake up. Come back, Mamae.”

“Of course, my dearest,” I said, bending down and kissing his brow. “Of course I will.”

The Fade dissolved around us and soon I was letting my eyes flutter open, looking around the room that was colored bright hues of orange as the sun rose. There was a strange taste on my lips and I heard soft snoring to my right. I looked over and saw Garrett and Gethorn sprawled out on one of the couches there, Gethorn draped over his father's stomach as if he were a small child. My father was curled in the chair, Malcolm tucked into his chest, mouth hanging open. My gaze landed on Cullen who was stretched out on the other couch, his arms cradling a small pink bundle that fussed softly. I stood, my legs struggling to keep my body up after days of laying down. I waited as my body got used to being erect, my leg and hip muscles contracting as they slowly recalled their use. I made my way to Cullen, grabbing a throw pillow from the floor and tucking it into his arms as I lifted my daughter. My own eyes stared back at me from a sweet face with a perfect Cupid's bow mouth. A thatch of wild red hair had me giggling as she tugged at a lock of my hair. I gently pried it from her fingers, pushing open my nightgown and guiding her to my nipple where she sucked hungrily. I rocked her, moving further away from the group of sleeping males towards the crib. My poor daughter looked exhausted and I knew once her belly was full she would wish for sleep. I lifted her to my shoulder as she finished her meal, patting her back carefully. She let out a belch and I pulled her back into my arms, letting her snuggle into me as she cooed softly. I knew the others in the room would wake so I gently put my daughter in her crib, watching as her face twisted in anger for a moment before my fingers skimmed over her brow.

“Now, now,” I chided. “Just wait a moment. Papa and Babae and your brothers will need to see me. You will have me all to yourself later, my darling girl.” She cooed, blue eyes staring at my face intently.

“Hey, what're ya doin?” came Garrett's tired voice. “Who are you?” I laughed softly, rising to stand and looking at him over my shoulder.

“I wasn't out that long, was I?” I teased. Garret yelled my name and all at once everyone in the room was on their feet, racing towards me. I was pressed between them, listening as they sobbed. I hugged each person in turn, wiping wet cheeks and kissing wailing lips until they calmed enough. Garrett cupped my cheeks, shoving his tongue between my lips before pulling back and peppering my face with kisses. Cullen hugged me around my ribs and spun me around before sealing his lips over mine.

“C'mon, Mamae,” Gethorn said, taking my hand. “People have been worried.” He started to pull me towards the door but my father grabbed my shoulders, pulling us to a stop.

“ _No_ ,” he said firmly. “You will _rest_. If the others wish to see her, they can come _here_. But she will not go _traipsing_ around the castle in her nightgown after being bedridden for two weeks.”

“Yes, Babae,” I chuckled, letting him pull me towards the bed. In truth, I was grateful for it. My legs were shaking with the strain of standing and I was starving. I eased myself back in the bed, smiling when Cullen and Garrett climbed in on either side of me while Malcolm lay tucked between Cullen and me, half splayed out on my chest. Gethorn took my other side, wedging his slender body between Garrett and I and draping himself over my stomach. I laughed at this, kissing them each in turn. Solas called for a servant to bring up some food and I downed three bowls of broth and six rolls of bread before I was finally full. I nursed Emilia once more, letting her pass out on my chest, milk smeared on her lips. I traced my finger down her round cheeks, smiling as she gave a content sigh. Malcolm had moved down so he half lay on my ribs and I heard Cullen grunt when he got a tiny heel to the knee.

“You're perfect, my little Emilia,” I cooed. Cullen reached out, stroking her wild hair and smiling.

“She is,” he agreed. “I...thank you.”

“You make some _pretty_ babies, my love,” Garrett said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Emilia's head before doing the same to the other two children in the bed.

“I attribute it to their handsome father's,” I giggled. I looked first at Garrett then at Cullen, my smile fading as I studied his face closely. His cheek bore faded green and yellow markings that said he had had a large bruise there.

“What the hell happened to your face?” I cried, freeing one hand and reaching up to gently touch the faint mark on his cheek. Cullen looked sheepish.

“Garrett punched me,” he said.

“What? _Why_?” I turned and looked at Garrett who was smirking slightly.

“I deserved it,” Cullen said. “I...I said some things I shouldn't have about...about Emilia...about you.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Things I'd rather not repeat,” Cullen told me, his amber eyes closing as his jaw clenched. Garrett turned his head, looking off to the side.

“ _Ah_ , those kinds of things,” I said, my hand falling from his cheek to stroke Emilia's hair.

“I didn't mean them,” Cullen assured me quickly. “I...I was just scared and angry.”

“Michelle,” Garrett said and I looked up, startled by Garrett's firm tone. “I know why you did it, why you hid the lyrium withdrawal from us. But please, _please_ never, ever, _ever_ do that again.”

“I'm sorry I scared you,” I said. “I just...I didn't want Cullen to make me get rid of her.”

“I wouldn't have done that,” Cullen argued.

“I wouldn't have _let_ him,” Garrett added.

“You still would have hounded me,” I said to Cullen. “You would have begged and threatened and demanded that I get rid of her.” Cullen looked at Emilia and shook his head.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't have asked," he said. "Well, I _did_ ask. Solas said you only had a 50% chance of surviving..."

“And she had a 100% chance at surviving it,” I said. “She had every right at a chance to live. _We_ created her, _our_ love made her and she had the _right_ to be born. If I did die, at least I would give you and her that.” Cullen's lips were on mine, hot and demanding as his tongue invaded my mouth.

“Just... _please_ ,” he begged. “Never _hide_ something like that from us again. It was...it was _utter_ torture...I love you _so much_.” Emilia whimpered from her place sprawled out on my chest and Cullen cooed at her, rubbing his nappy covered bottom that stuck up in the air.

“How does it feel to officially be a Daddy?” I asked. He smiled, propping his head up in his hand with an elbow to the pillow.

“ _Amazing_ ,” he sighed, looking at me, then Garrett.

“You know, Rutherford, she's quite a cutey,” the mage said with a teasing grin.

“Well, her mother is a stone cold fox, so she's bound to be beautiful,” the commander hummed. My father laughed, shaking his head at us.

“I must say,” he mused, stroking his chin. “When I first learned of this arrangement you three had, I was unsure. But, seeing you now, I can understand why she's happy. You three do work together.”

“I keep forgetting she's your daughter and I should probably be _terrified_ you'll kill me,” Cullen groaned.

“Fear not, Commander Cullen,” Solas assured him. “I wouldn't do such a thing to my daughter. Unless, of course, you were to hurt her. Though I am glad Ser Hawke gave you a swift punch for your ill-spoken words.”

“So am I,” Cullen sighed, rubbing his cheek.

"That's so much nicer than what you said to me!" Garrett complained.

"What did he say to you?" I asked, shooting my father a suspicious look as he smirked, looking down at where he was mixing a potion for me. My husband stuck his nose in the air and imitated my father's cultured voice as he said;

"Our Seer is a _remarkable_ woman. Kind and gentle, yet strong and fierce. She is one of the most loving people I have ever met and she has a wisdom far beyond her years. I suspect these are several of the same reason's you are attracted to her. I would hope it is not just her large breast and plump bottom that draw you in. Make no mistake Champion. If she cries, _so. Do. You._ Are we clear?"

"Babae, you didn't!" I cried. My father's lips twitched as his smirk grew.

"This was before we knew he was your father, before we were even together!" Garrett said. "It was when you were sick. And that asshole! I'm trying to will this raging erection down from seeing you in this white nightgown, that was fucking transparent because you were sweating with fever! And he gives me a cream to 'rub into your legs'."

"It was a test," Solas said softly. "I wanted to make sure you would be honorable. I _was_ watching you. You skirted the line, but you behaved yourself."

" _Bastard_ ," Garrett grumbled.

"I actually _did_ threaten Cullen," Solas said, tilting his head back and casting Cullen a mischevious look. "On several occasions." Garrett, Gethorn and I whipped our heads in Cullen's direction as he blushed.

"Spill," I said.

"When we found out you were a mage," he said softly. "When I... _Maker_...when I grabbed you. Afterword. Solas stopped me as I was going to bed and told me if I ever touched you like that again he would remove my fingers... _manually_..."

"Dad!" I shrieked.

"I also told him once we got to Skyhold and you two shared a bed that if he did anything to hurt you, I would make _sure_ he suffered."

"For fuck's sake, Babae!" I sighed. Gethorn started laughing, pointing at Cullen and Garrett.

"I never got threatened!" he teased. "I got encouraged! He encouraged me to be around her! Hah hah!" 

"I can still turn you over my knee," Garrett growled.

"Leave him alone, Garrett," I said firmly. "It is kind of funny." I looked down to where Malcolm and Emilia were both passed out on me, mouths open and drooling.

"I'm her father," Solas said, handing me a potion that I drained in one go. "Whether anyone but me knew it or not. Of course, I was going to protect her." I sighed and snuggled down into the blankets and pillows, feeling an intense fatigue wash over me.

"Sleep, love," Cullen said, kissing me gently.

"Babae..." I slurred glaring. "No...sleep spells..." He smiled at me gently.

" _Yes_ , my childe," he said. "You need to rest."

I felt myself being drawn into the Fade as my vision began to grow hazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted tonight b/c early morning and all that


	119. Chapter 119

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I got sloppy fucking drunk last night and was hungover as shit. Fun night. But I had to wait for the pounding headache and intense vomiting to pass.

News of my recovery swept through Skyhold like wildfire and soon my room was flooded with my friends, all sobbing and hugging me tightly. Dorian had yelled at me for scaring him, breaking down into tears and hugging me tightly. Bull had picked me up like I was a child and held me to his chest. Leliana and Josephine had both sobbed openly, hugging me as I rubbed their backs, assuring them I was fine. Cole had perched on the end of my bed, blue eyes staring at me intently until I beckoned him to me and pulled him into a hug. Orara, Cylan and the kids had clamored to me, sobbing and hugging me. Blackwall had pulled me into a gruff hug, his hand gently patting my back. Even Sera had babbled on about how places collapse when mystical figures die so I needed to stay around. I had only nodded dumbly, not really catching what she was saying. I had been floored when Varric and Isabela had ridden into Skyhold sometime later. Varric had apparently come ahead of Isabela to warn me, pulling me into a tight hug as he did and telling me not to scare him like that again. Isabela's entrance had been grand, to say the least. She had stormed into Skyhold, stopping only to ask Garrett where I was before making her way to the throne room where I was talking to Cullen and nursing Emilia. I knew she was coming when I heard Garrett's voice echoing loudly down the hallway.

“Iz, she _just_ got up, you can't be rough with-.”

“ _Shut_ it, Hawke.”

“Iz, don't be like this...”

“I said _shut_ it!”

I quickly handed Emilia to Cullen and looked nervously at the other woman who looked like she hadn't slept in days. Dark circles around her copper-colored eyes made them appear to glow in the light of the noon sun pouring into the windows.

“Malcolm,” I warned. “Go with Papa.”

“But Mamae,” he protested, looking at Isabela, his gaze uncertain.

“Do as I say,” I hissed and he ran to Cullen's side. I got ready, expecting her to punch me but she only reached out and grabbed my wrist, spinning me and pulling me against her body with my arm twisted behind my back. I whimpered, looking up at her. Her expression remained stony, only an intense anger bleeding through. A loud smack landed on my bottom with a bruising force that had me squirming in her grip to get away.

“That is for putting yourself in danger,” she hissed, landing another painful blow. “That is for keeping it a secret!” Smack. “That is for lying!” Smack. “That's for almost dying on me!” Smack. “That's for scaring me half to death and making me race across the _fucking_ world to get here because you did something stupid!”

Her lips crashed into mine, hot and demanding, her hand on the back of my head not letting me pull away as she plundered my mouth with a ferocity that bordered on vicious. I couldn't breathe, I tasted blood from where I'd bit her lip and my entire body melted into her on instinct, having been trained too well to fight her.

“And that,” she panted against my lips. “Is for coming back.” 

“Iz,” I said softly. She pulled me tighter against her body, the buttons of her captain's jacket digging into my skin.

“You don't get to leave,” she hissed. “You don't get make that decision unilaterally and leave us all out of it. Do you hear me?”

“I'm sorry,” I whimpered against her.

“Iz,” came Garrett's sharp voice. “Our room. _Now_. You're scaring the kids.” Garrett led the way to our bedroom, Cullen passing the babes off to Gethorn as he followed. Once the door was closed, a shouting match began that gave me a sharp headache.

“I swear to the Maker, if she's _bruised_ , I'll have your head,” Cullen snarled, jerking my breeches and smalls down to inspect my bottom.

“You did that in _public_ , Iz!”

“Fuck you _both_! I had every right to do that! She almost got herself _killed_!”

“You did, but it should have been done in private! You _kissed_ her! You think people won't talk?”

“Not to mention you almost wrenched her arm out of its socket! What part of 'can't take rough treatment' was _unclear_ to you?”

“I'm a noble, he's a Commander, we told you discretion was key!”

“There were four other people in there besides us and if they talk, I'll slit their throats. I'm not _stupid_ , Hawke, I checked!”

“There were so few people in there because Varric warned us you were on the warpath!”

“Please stop,” I said in a small voice that had them all freezing. “Please don't fight.” I put my head in my hands, suddenly feeling horribly guilty. My secrecy had caused so much pain to my loved ones.

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I'm sorry I lied, I'm sorry I hid it, I'm sorry I scared you all. Please don't fight, though. Please.” There was silence as Cullen rubbed a bruise balm over my skin and I kept my face hidden from view behind my hands.

“I'm sorry,” Isabela said. “I...I forgot about the kids. I shouldn't have done that in front of them. And I shouldn't have done that in public. I was just so angry at you.”

“I shouldn't have threatened you,” Cullen said to her. “I'm sorry.”

“And I shouldn't have yelled,” Garrett sighed. “I just...Malcolm and Gethorn were there and they saw _everything_. When Cullen and I gave you permission to punish her...”

“I over-stepped my bounds,” Isabela agreed. There was silence as Cullen pulled my breeches back up and stepped back. 

“I don't have a lot of people I consider my friends,” Isabela said softly. “There are fewer that I love enough to sail across the ocean for. And even less that I love like I do you. You can't...you can't hide things from me, from us. You can't...it's not _fair_.”

“I didn't want you to worry,” I said. “I had faith it would be okay.”

“We love you,” Cullen said. “We will _always_ worry about you.”

“You can't take that choice from us,” Garrett said around his fingers that were picking at his bottom lip. “When you make those choices for us, it shows you don't trust us. It demeans our love for you. We had a _right_ to worry, we had a _right_ to know, we had a _right_ to be angry. We had a _right_ to at least have a long discussion about our thoughts and fears on you carrying Emilia to term. We had a _right_ to talk to you about this, to _know_ about this, to be _pissed_ about this and _refuse_ to accept it. You didn't let us.”

“I'm sorry,” I sobbed and Cullen pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly as I sobbed against his chest.

“No more secrets,” Cullen said. “Ever. No more. Not to us. You are not the 'Seer' to us, you're our wife and friend. And yes, you're going to be punished for this.” I whimpered. I had forgotten about that, so wrapped up in all the celebration and rush of being a new mother. “Is there anything you're not telling us?” I was silent for a moment.

“I don't think so,” I said.

“When was Emilia's last feeding?” Cullen asked. 

“I was feeding her when Iz came in,” I said. Cullen nodded to Garrett who went and locked the door. Cullen stepped back from me and I whined, reaching for him. He shook his head.

“Strip,” he said. “ _Now_.” I paused, my hands hovering over the hem of my tunic.

“Baby, _please_ don't make us force you,” Garrett sighed. I slowly pulled my tunic over my head, embarrassed by my still flabby belly and stretch marks. I unwound my breast band, moving to my breeches and smalls. I carefully folded each piece as I removed them, setting them aside.

“You can't take physical punishment right now,” Cullen said. “So we've decided to get creative. You took away our choice, so now, you no longer get one.” I looked up at them, startled.

“You will be blindfolded at all times for the next three days,” Garrett began. “You will not speak unless spoken to. You will not be allowed to pick anything, your clothes, your food, your activities aside from caring for the children. One of us will control each day for you.”

“We also have our own personal punishments planned for you,” Isabela said.

“When does this start?” I asked.

“Tonight,” Cullen said. “You will blindfold before bed. Anyone who asks will be told you are having a migraine and the blindfold is for light sensitivity.”

“In private you will wear this,” Isabela said, reaching into her bag and tossing something at my feet. I reached down and picked it up, my jaw dropping. This wasn't clothes, it was barely cloth. A translucent cloth held on the shoulders with two strings of colorful beads hung between my fingers.

“But...!” I cried, not liking the idea of my post-baby body on display so.

“It's not an option, love,” Garrett said gently, shaking his head. I stopped and nodded.

“Who goes first?” I asked.

“I do,” Isabela said. I nodded again, looking at the gown in my hands.

“You need to understand something, baby,” Garrett said. “You _will_ be silent. We will control everything. When you go to the bathroom, when you eat, what you eat, where you go, everything. You are not to make requests. If it is an emergency you are to use your safeword. If you can't be silent, we will gag you, if you fight us, we will restrain you.”

“No, please!” I cried, the words falling out of my mouth.

“This isn't optional, my love,” Cullen said sadly. “You took away our choice for months. We're only doing it for a few days. We will respect your hard limits.” I felt my heart thudding in my chest and I sank back on the bed, nodding my head.

“We love you,” Garrett said. “But you hurt us.”

“I'm sorry,” I sobbed. “I'm so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Michelle is in for some punishment! Naturally. She did a bad thing and, just like any proper BDSM relationship, her actions have repercussions.


	120. Day One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. RL got a little hectic.

I woke up, feeling a brief moment of panic when I realized the world was black even though my eyes were open. I remembered that the blindfold had been placed over my eyes and felt around the bed. My fingers touched a soft round shoulder and I whimpered.

“Go back to sleep, sweetness,” Isabela cooed, rolling over and pulling me down into the bed. I shifted, snuggling into her grip as she carded her fingers through my hair. We lay in bed for several more minutes, holding each other. I thought this wouldn't be so bad until Isabela declared she was ready to get up and tugged me out of bed. She guided me to the water closet and told me to go to the bathroom while she picked out my clothes for the day. I did my business and cleaned myself, standing and slowly walked into the main room, feeling along the walls.

“What are you doing?” came Isabela's sharp voice.

“I...coming to you,” I said, unsure of what I had done.

“You were supposed to wait for me to come to get you,” she said. “You don't move without our say so.”

“I'm sorry,” I said. I heard her boots against the stone as she moved towards me before she grabbed me and gave me a sharp smack on my rump. I yelped and moved to cover my rump.

“Move your hands,” she said. I did and she delivered another sharp slap. She lifted the sheer gown over my head and began dressing me. My outfit consisted of a pair of breeches and a strange top that seemed to be normal from the breast down if a little form fitting. From the chest up, it split into two strips of fabric that crossed over my chest and connected to the back of the garment. My breasts were tucked into these strips without a breast band and I flushed, only imagining how silly I looked. Isabela took my hand and set me in a chair as Emilia began to fuss, anxious for her morning meal. The pirate retrieved the babe and settled her in my arms, giggling as she immediately tried to suck on the garment. I reached up, pushing it aside and guiding my nipple to her mouth with Isabela's help. When she was done eating, I burped her and handed her back to Isabela who changed her diaper and dressed her. 

“Where's my little princess?” came Cullen's voice as I heard the door open.

“Here,” Isabela said. “By the way, diapers are disgusting. How do you lot do this all the time?”

“Practice,” Garret said. “Good morning, Baby. How did you sleep?”

“Good morning,” I said. “Fine.”

“You're sulking,” he sighed. “Did you get punished already?”

“Yes.”

“What did you do?” Cullen asked. “You can't have been up for more than an hour!”

“She tried to walk around by herself,” Isabela said. “She didn't wait for me to come to get her from the bathroom.”

“Oh Maker,” Garrett sighed. I felt him brush his lips across my brow and moved to tilt my head back for a kiss before stopping and remembering that I wasn't to do things like that. I felt something brush my lips and opened my mouth, tasting bread. I closed my lips around it and began chewing, swallowing slowly before I was fed the next bite. On and on this went, the others talking around me. Isabela was the one who fed me, swiping at my lips with her fingers if I spilled something. I gagged when I was made to drink tea, but this was ignored. When breakfast was done, we went outside, Garrett and Cullen sparing in the training grounds while I held Emilia, listening to Isabela taunt them. She made occasional commentary to me but otherwise seemed content to watch with her arm around me. Malcolm begged Isabela to come play with him, seemingly unaffected by what had transpired yesterday. Isabela declined but told him she would do it tomorrow. 

Lunch rolled around and we went up to the room where I was fed stew and bread with more tea. Cullen went off to do some reports while Garrett took Emilia to show her off to Varric, Malcolm in tow. In my room, Isabela pulled out a bottle of wine and began drinking it as she sharpened her daggers. I was bored and annoyed. I had to wait for permission to go to the bathroom! I was a thirty-three-year-old woman for fuck's sake!

“What are you thinking, kitten?” Isabela asked.

“I'm irritated,” I said. “I'm bored.”

“Not feeling remorseful?” she asked.

“I am!” I cried. “I said I was sorry!”

“Why?” she asked and I heard a hollow thunk as she took a swig from the bottle.

“For hiding the withdrawal from you!” I shouted.

“Stop shouting,” she said sharply. “And no. Wrong answer.” I screamed in frustration and was pulled to my feet, a hard slap being delivered to my rump. I jerked back, my hands moving to push the blindfold up.

“Kitten, I will restrain you,” Isabela warned.

“Fuck off!” I spat. In an amazing show of strength, Isabela picked me up and slammed me down on the couch, straddling me. My wrists were jerked up and tied, then hooked over something to keep them up. My ankles were quickly tied together and Isabela pinned me down.

“Stop fighting!” she hissed.

“Let me go!” I cried.

“I will gag you,” she threatened. I fell silent, fuming. She stood carefully, leaning over so I felt her breath on my cheek.

“This is just as much for you as me, kitten,” she said. I felt her lips brush mine and turned my head angrily. She pulled back and sighed, her hand faltering on my arm.

“Fine, be that way,” she said and I could hear the hurt in her voice. I instantly felt bad, but kept silent, stubbornly refusing to apologize again. I heard the sharp sound of Isabela applying a stone to one of her blades and bit my lips hard, fighting the urge to cry in frustration. Sometime later I heard the door open and Cullen's annoyed sigh.

“What did she do?”

“Told me to fuck off, tried to take her blindfolded off, started screaming,” Isabela said in a flat voice. “Not in that order.”

“My love...” he said in a pleading tone.

“Leave me alone,” I bit out. I heard him move around the couch and felt his lips press against mine. I tried to turn my head, but his hand gripped my chin.

“Why are you being like this?” he asked.

“I don't know what you want,” I whimpered. 

“We want you to take your punishment like a good girl,” he cooed, stroking my cheek. “Won't you do that?” I slowly nodded, feeling his hands untie the ropes. I was pulled to my feet and guided towards Isabela. I heard her set the sword and sharpening stone aside.

“Apologize,” Cullen said. I reached out blindly, Isabela's hands catching mine. With her guiding me, I slowly lower myself to my knees between her legs.

“I'm sorry, Iz,” I said, leaning towards her. 

“What for?” she asked.

“Shouting at you and fighting you,” I said. “And being an overall brat.” She laughed softly, leaning forward and kissing me.

“I forgive you, kitten,” she said. “Now come cuddle with me.” I let her pull me onto the couch with her, listening to Cullen ease himself into the other one. Isabela arranged me draped across her lap, my head resting back on her shoulder in such a way she could periodically turn her head and kiss me. It wasn't long before Garrett was walking in, a wailing Emilia in his arms. The crying babe was arranged on my chest and allowed to nurse while Malcolm began asking if he could have cake for dessert. I listened to the others talk as I fed Emilia, burping her when she was done. She nestled down into my chest and fell asleep.

“She's kind of cute,” Isabela said.

“Kind of? She's gorgeous,” Cullen declared.

“I meant to baby, stupid,” she sighed.

“So did I,” Cullen hummed.

“She looks like an earless nug,” Isabela snorted.

“Nugs are cute,” Garrett said.  “Our baby is gorgeous.”

“I'm a baby,” Malcolm huffed.

“And you're gorgeous!” Garrett said dramatically.

“But I'm a boy!” Malcolm protested.

“So? Boys can be gorgeous. Papa's gorgeous.”

“Mamae?” Malcolm whined.

“Yes, my love?” I asked.

“Tell Babae boys can't be gorgeous!”

“But they can,” I said. “I think Papa and Babae are both gorgeous men.” I listened to my son groan in annoyance before going to play with his toys.

“And for the record, Auntie Iz is gorgeous, too,” I called after him.

“Thank you, Kitten,” she said, brushing her lips over my cheek.

We ate a dinner of roasted meat and carrots. Tea was replaced with milk and I fed Emilia twice more before bed. Malcolm went off to his new room which was a converted storage closet in the same hall as Gethorn's and my rooms. We didn't have enough room for a bed so Josephine had helpfully made arrangements for us, which was just as well. Malcolm preferred having his own space and had gotten used to it in Kirkwall. Once Emilia was settled in her crib,  I was pushed on the floor between Isabela's legs.  
  


“Lick me, kitten,” she cooed, pushing her hips to me. I did, lapping at her eagerly, pushing my tongue and fingers inside her. She rolled her hips, moaning as she climaxed against my tongue. I quickly cleaned her, letting myself be pulled into her lap where she kissed me, her hands kneading the flesh of my rump. Her fingers slid beneath the sheer gown I had been changed into once Malcolm was in bed, pressing inside me.

“Wanna cum, Kitten?” she asked. I nodded, thrusting back against her fingers eagerly.

“Too bad,” she said, pulling her fingers free. “You don't get to cum tonight.”

“Oh, that's mean,” Garrett said.

“She'll live,” Isabela said. I whimpered, squirming in her lap. She kissed me as I writhed in her lap, trying to find some kind of relief.

“Do you want my fingers?” she asked, nipping my ear. I nodded and she slid them back inside me, pumping quickly, her thumb flicking my clit. I kissed and sucked her neck, mewling against her. Just as I drew close to orgasm, she stopped, pulling her fingers free so I sobbed in frustration.

“Mean!” I wailed, curling around her. She rolled us so I was pressed back into the couch and kissed me, her hands groping my breast so I writhed.

“This is your punishment, kitten,” she cooed. “No orgasms until tomorrow, if Cullen allows it.”

“I'll think about it,” Cullen hummed. Garrett laughed.

“I'll let you cum, baby,” he said, sympathetic to my plight. I was forced to endure Isabela's teasing touches, her lips and hands pushing me to the edge again and again but never letting me crest. Fluid soaked my thighs and I writhed on the couch, unable to control the rutting of my hips.

“Careful, Iz,” Garrett warned. “She can climax without being touched if she's teased enough.”

“Really?” Isabela asked.

“It's very arousing,” Cullen growled, standing. “But it's time for bed. Come, love.” I held out my arms, whimpering as Cullen lifted me like a child and taking me to bed. Isabela and Garrett both kissed me goodnight before leaving for Cullen's old room just as my husbands had done the night before.

I curled around my husband, rubbing my wet sex against his hip. He chuckled at this, giving me a hot opened mouth kiss.

“Behave,” he said. “I'll take care of you tomorrow.” I tried to calm myself, pressing into my husband and mewling when his fingers caressed down my spine.

“Love you,” I said, sucking at his neck.

“I love you, too,” he said. “But you need to calm down before you climax. Isabela's orders still stand.”

“Sorry,” I panted, pressing my face to his chest. We fell silent, hold each other.

“I'm disappointed in you,” Cullen said suddenly and I froze. “Why did you act like that towards Isabela? You agreed to be punished, why did you do that?”

“I don't know,” I sniffled. “I was frustrated. I was bored. I'd been ignored all day.”

“You're not going to act like that tomorrow, are you?” I shook my head, pressing closer to him.

“I'll behave. I'm sorry.” Slightly chapped lips pressed against mine in a sweet kiss, calloused hands pulling me close to a warm body.

“That's my good girl,” he whispered and I shivered.


	121. Day Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's turn!

I stood in the bedroom, waiting as Cullen picked out my clothes. From what I had gathered, Isabela had brought several articles with her purely for the purpose of dressing me however they liked. Something that felt like a tank top was pulled over my head while Cullen tugged my smalls up my lips. I whimpered, squirming as his hands smoothed over my rump.

“What is it?” he asked.

“You said I could cum,” I reminded him. A soft chuckle then lips were grazing along my stomach.

“I did, and you will. But not right now.”

I let out a cry of frustration that only made him laugh and tug my breeches over my hips. I fed Emilia, before taking my own breakfast which was fed to me by Cullen as he chatted with Isabela and Garrett.

“Papa!” Malcolm cried, racing into the room.

“Yes, pup?” Cullen asked.

“Aunt Josie says you have a guest,” the little boy said.

“Who is it?” Cullen asked with an annoyed sigh.

“Comte...uhm...I don't remember.” Garrett let out a bark of laughter.

“That's my boy! Tell the Nobles to fuck off.”

“Garrett!” Cullen and I cried at the same time, Isabela cackling.

“Oops!” he said. “Don't use that word, Malcolm. Babae's got a dirty mouth.”

“What word?”

“Exactly,” we all said at the same time. I could just imagine Malcolm's look of utter confusion.

“Thank you, Pup,” Cullen said. “Tell Aunt Josie I'll be there in a bit.” I heard Malcolm scurry off and Cullen continued with breakfast. When it was done, he stood, pulling me to my feet.

“Wait, why am I going?” I asked, shocked. Emilia was taken from my grip and a hard smack landed on my rump.

“Ouw!” I cried.

“Be silent,” Cullen said. “But it's probably another one of those marriage proposals. And I want to show off my daughter.” I was puzzled, but let myself be led down to the throne room.

“I'm two,” I heard Malcolm say.

“Such a clever boy you are,” a male voice cooed. “Did Commander Cullen say when he would be down.”

“Papa's eating,” Malcolm said. “He'll be here soon.”

“No, not your Papa, dear. Cullen.”

“Cullen is Papa,” Malcolm said, confused. 

“Cullen isn't your Papa, child. Ser Hawke is.”

“Yes he is, Mamae and Babae said he was,” Malcolm argued.

“No, child. You don't have two fathers.”

“Don't confuse the boy,” Cullen said and I felt him move from my side briefly as Malcolm called out to him. I knew Cullen had swept Malcolm up onto his hip from the exaggerated groan he made and Malcolm's giggle.

“I think you've done that, Commander,” the man teased.

“Mamae, Cullen is my Papa, right?” Malcolm asked.

“That's right, my love,” I said with a smile. I heard Cullen give my son a loud smacking kiss and set him down.

“Go play, pup,” he said.

“Yes, Papa.” The hand returned to my waist, guiding me forward.

“Ah, Madam Seer! So good to...er...see you again.”

“Forgive me,” I said. “I've been having a bit of light sensitivity. The healer thought this might help.”

“Ah,” he said. “I was just here to speak with Ser Rutherford about something important.”

“So I was told,” Cullen said. “Naturally, I brought our Seer to aid us in this matter.”

“Ah, well, it was a rather personal matter,” the man stammered.

“All the more reason for her to come along! I trust her judgment as, not only our Seer but a very dear friend,” Cullen said, unphased. “Have you seen the latest addition to Skyhold? This is our little Emilia.”

“She's very lovely,” the man said politely. “Congratulations, Madam.”

“Thank you,” I said. 

“Come, let's go to my office,” Cullen said, pulling me away. I followed him carefully across the battlements, pausing when he began straightening his office up. 

“Please, take a seat,” Cullen said, tugging me further into the room. I felt pressure on my hips and sat down in Cullen's lap, leaning back against him with an arm around his neck while the other held Emilia to my chest.

“Forgive me,” the man coughed. “I didn't realize you were so close to the Seer.”

“Oh yes,” I said softly. “Cullen is very dear to my family. We're all very close with the Commander.” A hand slipped under my rump, massaging it firmly.

“What did you want to ask me, Comte?” Cullen asked.

“It is a proposal, Commander.”

“For?” The hand moved around the front, dropping in my lap casually, though the fingers trailed along my vulva teasingly.

“Marriage.” The man said bluntly. 

“And why should I consider it?” Cullen asked, his finger tips pressing more firmly against my breeches.

“There have been...rumors,” the man said carefully. “A man such as you shouldn't have to worry about wagging tongues.”

“I could ignore them like I've been doing,” Cullen said. I bit my lip hard, feeling those fingers move in slow circles. 

“But you are an eligible bachelor, Ser. My daughter could offer you a very happy life. She...” The man began to list off all of his daughter's lovely qualities and Cullen turns his head so his lips were next to my ear, hidden by my hair.

“If this man thinks I want his spoiled little princess when I have you, he's mad,” Cullen breathed. “As if that pampered little thing could take being tied and whipped. Or let me fuck her until she passes out while I tell her what a dirty whore she is. Maybe I should do that after this prick leaves. I did promise I'd let you orgasm, didn't I? You've been a good girl today, aside from your little outburst.”

“I'm sorry,” I whimpered, my lips barely moving.

“Spread your legs more. That's a good girl. I bet your smalls are soaked. I can feel it through your breeches. You're so wet right now.” I trembled, fighting the urge to climax. The other man fell silent and Cullen pulled his head back.

“She sounds like a lovely girl,” Cullen said without missing a beat. “But tell me what these rumors say.”

“Well, they imply you are in an illicit relationship with the Seer here. Some even say that young Emilia is yours.”

“Oh, she is,” Cullen said easily. “Emilia Marilyn Rutherford.” Silence fell and I froze, wondering if he had lost his mind. The man began laughing.

“I didn't know you had such a sense of humor,” the man chuckled. Cullen remained silent, though I could tell from the soft snort he let out, he was smiling.

“Did they mention how I wed the Seer in secret with her husband?” Cullen asked.

“A few, yes,” the man laughed. “You see why this marriage would be very beneficial for you.”

“Indeed,” Cullen said, sounding annoyed. I made a small noise in the back of my throat as he pressed firmly against my sex. The man fell silent and I turned, pressing my face to Cullen's shoulder. 

“Forgive me,” I panted. “I'm not myself today.”

“Tell me more of these rumors,” Cullen said, rubbing firm circles against my soaked clit. The man began listing off the things he had heard, from me being a victim of the evil Commander and Garrett being a naive fool to my suffering to me being a seductress who whispered naughty things to Cullen while Garrett egged us on. The last thing was closer to the truth, aside from the part where I was going to use him and toss him away when I grew bored. Though I only heard this through the fog of pleasure as Cullen discreetly slid his hand under the hem of my tunic and into my breeches. 

I coughed to cover up my moan as he slid his fingers inside me. 

“Cum,” he said, as he rapidly wiggled his fingers and I did, pressing my face to his shoulder to muffle the choked moans I couldn't suppress. The man stopped as I climaxed, panting against Cullen's shoulder. 

“I...uhm...”

“Forgive us,” Cullen said. “It seems the Seer still isn't feeling well. I need to get her to rest. And while your offer sounds lovely, I'll have to decline. If you'll excuse me.” I was lifted up and swept from the room, Cullen snickering in my ear.

“I'm going to kill you,” I hissed.

“Worth it,” he said and I could tell we were close to my room from the way his steps changed. A door was pushed open and I heard Garrett ask;

“What was that about? Is she okay? She's flushed.”

“A marriage proposal,” Cullen said. “And she's fine.”

“He fingered me in front of the Comte!” I cried.

“I did not need to hear that,” came my twins voice. “I came to check on you. You're obviously fine. Uhm...bye.” Hurried footsteps moved towards the door before it slammed closed.

“I...shit...” I swore. Cullen set me on the bed, taking Emilia from my arms. He returned a few moments later, pushing me back on the bed.

“Yes,” he said, jerking my pants down. “That Comte will return to his estate and gossip about how the Inquisition's Commander made their Seer cum at his desk.” My smalls were pushed to the side and his tongue teased me, lapping at my dripping lips. I thrashed beneath him, tears wetting the blindfold at the thought of more edging. Despite my orgasm, I was still on edge, aching for actual sex. 

The tip of that tongue trailed along my slit before shoving inside me, my husband's mouth opening wide to suck firmly on the wet skin around it. I screamed, thrashing on the bed wildly.

“Fuck, Cum for us, Baby,” Garrett swore. I did, arching up off the bed, sobbing out my orgasm. Cullen tugged at one of my lips playfully with his teeth before pushing his tongue back inside me. I grasped around the bed for something to hold on to but found nothing and only twisted my hands in the blankets. Cullen stopped, pulling back from me. I lay back on the bed, panting. Before anything else could happen, Emilia gave a lusty cry of unhappiness and I jerked my head in her direction. I heard Garrett trying to soothe her, cooing softly at her. 

“She's hungry,” I said softly. Emilia was placed in my arms and I let her nurse, caressing her cheek as she did. Cullen leaned against me, his chin on my shoulder and I knew he was watching her. 

The rest of the day was largely uneventful. Cullen brought his work to our room, sitting on the couch beside me that evening while I sat beside him, silent. I was bored again and anxious for his touch. Aside from casual touches and the heavy makeout session we had had earlier, he hadn't touched me much. I went to reach for him but stopped. I wasn't to move without permission. I shivered, suddenly wanting to touch him very badly.

“Come here, love,” he said softly and I almost flung myself into his arms. He pulled me into his lap, my legs draped over one of his legs while I tucked my face into his neck. His arm came around my back, fingers caressing my arm.

“Better?” he asked. I nodded, twisting my fingers in his tunic as I tried to press closer to him. He ignored my tugging, continuing with his work for another hour before Garrett and Isabela joined us.

“Time for her punishment?” Cullen asked, setting his work aside.

“It is,” Isabela sang. “What did you have in mind?” There was silence for a moment and Cullen shifted, adjusting his hold on me.

“She's not going to like that,” Garrett chuckled. Cullen urged me up before turning me around and guiding me back down to his lap, my hips over his knees. I paused when I realized what was going on. I hated being punished like this, it was humiliating.

“No,” I whined.

“Love, don't fight me,” he begged, urging me down. I went, feeling his hand push up the sheer dress to expose my bottom. Something was pressed against my skin and I squirmed. It was a thin, willowy short whip that I despised. It stung, feeling as if my skin was being cut though it left no mark. 

“Count them,” Cullen said. I heard a loud whistle then felt the slicing pain of the whip on my bottom.

“O-One,” I stammered.

“You are to tell us if you are uncomfortable or in pain,” Cullen said in a firm voice. Another strike to the top of the rump.

“Twooo.”

"You are to tell us your wants and needs. Your wants may be ignored, your needs never will be but neither can be taken care of if you don't say something.”

Crack!

“Th-ree.”

“You are a person. You are loved and cherished no matter what is said in the heat of the moment. If something upsets you, you must say something. Your feelings and body are both treasure and neither should be harmed.”

Crack!

“F-four.”

Crack!

“Fiiiiive.”

Crack!

“SIX!

Crack!

“Fuck...please...”

“Do you want to start over?” Cullen asked in a soft but stern voice. I shook my head and sobbed out;

“Seven...” 

The whip was set aside and his hand smoothed over my bottom. I sobbed over his legs, twisting his pants between my fingers. He lifted me, cradling me in his lap and I tucked my face against his neck clutching him tightly as I wept, feeling embarrassed. 

“You did very well,” he praised in my ear, stroking my hair. “Is there anything you want?”

“Hold me,” I begged, shifting in his lap so my arms were around his ribs, my chest against his and my face pressed to his shoulder.

“Of course,” he chuckled. I slowly calmed, lulled by his gentle petting and sweet kisses pressed wherever he could get to. As I relaxed, he eased me back, lips pressing against mine.

“Does my girl want to cum?” he asked, nipping at my lower lip. I shook my head and heard Isabela cry out;

“What?”

“You don't?” Cullen asked.

“No,” I said.

“Why not?”

“Want you to hold me,” I said. “Just hold me. Please.”

“Shhh, I will, love.” He pulled me tightly against his body, one hand gripping my hair firmly but not painfully. I cried and I didn't know why, tears wetting his shirt as he held me even tighter. He tugged me back enough to capture my lips in a passionate kiss, his tongue flicking against mine before he pulled back. I moaned against his mouth, clutching him desperately. He tried to roll me under him but I struggled, clawing at his back. He pulled back from me, stroking my cheek and murmuring to me.

“Shh, it's all right, love. Just calm down. I know. I know, it's fine. Just calm down. I'm here.” I eventually relaxed against him, my eyes growing heavy as I did.

“You don't want anything for being good?” Cullen asked, easing me back. I shook my head.

“Are you okay, baby?” Garrett asked, kneeling beside the couch. His hand cupped my cheek and I nodded against his palm.

“Are you a little emotional?” I nodded again and he smiled, leaning forward and kissing me. His hand slid under the gown, cupping my breast and teasing my nipple with his thumb. I moaned into his mouth, squirming in Cullen's lap.

“There we go,” he breathed, pulling away. “Just needed a little spark.” I whimpered and turned from him, burying myself in Cullen's arms again. He chuckled and moved to sit next to Cullen on the couch and I could feel his gaze locked on me.

“There's my little slut,” he cooed. Calloused hands pushed the gown up, fingers skimming along my stomach. I jerked, trying to push Cullen's hand away, but he only cupped my breast, plucking at my nipple teasingly. My legs fell open and that hand moved between them, teasing along my slit before slowly pushing inside. I gasped, gripping Cullen's wrist tightly as my hips jerked.

“My sweet girl,” he cooed, thumb rubbing my clit. “Do you want to cum on my cock?” I paused, nodding my head.

“Mmm, I'll think about it.” I writhed against him, hips thrusting.

“You can speak freely until you orgasm,” Cullen said. I rose up, straddling his legs and pressing my body to his.

“Please, please touch me,” I begged.

“I am, love,” he said with a smile, his lips brushing over my cheek.

“More,” I pleaded. “Love me, Cullen.” They all paused before Cullen let out a soft chuckle.

“I do love you, darling,” he said, easing his fingers out of me. “Just because I'm angry doesn't mean I don't love you.” He unlaced his breeches, pulling his cock free. He pulled me down, easing into me and holding my hips against his. I whimpered and rutted against him, my face against his neck. A hand in my hair urged me back and Garrett claimed my lips in a hot kiss as I bounced in Cullen's lap. When he pulled away, Isabela took his place, her fingers teasing my nipples until I was begging for more. The two pulled away as Cullen shifted me, a hand on my upper back pushing my chest to his face. He sucked at my nipples, moaning when milk flowed out. I lifted off his cock, impaling myself hard, my channel clamping down as his cock hit that spot inside me.

“So beautiful,” Cullen panted. “I love you so much.” I cupped his cheeks, my lips parting and my tongue tracing the scar on his lip. He groaned and gripped my hips, helping me ride his cock, the thick shaft stretching me. It had been so long since I had had sex with them and it was slightly painful, but I ignored it, too eager for him to worry about the discomfort. He tilted his head, his mouth opening and his own tongue flicking mine. I kissed him, my lips sliding against his as I continued to move, desperate to climax. 

“What do you want, love?” he asked.

“Cum,” I panted. “Fill me.”

“Not yet, darling.” I mewled and buried my face in his neck again.

“Oh let her cum,” Isabela panted and I could hear the soft wet sound of her playing with herself. Garrett's breath hitched and I knew he, too, was pumping his cock as he watched us.

“Iz, fuck Garrett,” I moaned.

“Seriously?” she asked. I nodded, licking my lips.

“C'mere, Iz,” Garrett chuckled. I heard the soft thunk of her boots on the floor as she moved closer to us.

“I'm in charge,” she said. Garrett chuckled again.

“Sure,” he agreed. Isabela let out a soft sigh as Garrett groaned and I knew she had sunk down on his cock. The sound of skin slapping skin echoed in the room and I wished I could watch them. It stopped suddenly, Garrett groaning.

“I'm in charge,” Isabela hissed.

“Fuck, you always have to be in charge,” Garrett complained.

“Reasons we never would have worked,” she hummed. “We're both too dominant.” Cullen returned my attention to him, sucking lewdly on one of my breasts as his hands forced my hips to move on him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, threading my fingers in his hair.

“Love me, Cullen,” I begged. He pulled back, tugging his shirt over his head and tossing it to the side before lifting me up and rolling us, my back pressed into the couch. I reached behind me, gripping the backrest of the sofa as Cullen's cock slid out of me before easing back in.

“My wife,” he sighed, caressing my cheek.

“My husband,” I cooed, cupping my hand over his. His hips sped up, while beside us Izabela rode Garrett with abandon. Cullen's hand moved down to my pelvis, his thumb teasing my clit.

“Cum for me, darling,” he purred. I did as he ordered, arching up against him as my channel clamped around him wildly. He groaned and gave several hard thrusts before spilling inside of me. Beside us, I heard Isabela and Garrett cry out their own orgasms. I collapsed back on the couch, tilting my head back for a kiss he gladly gave. I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, still feeling needy.

Cullen shifted us, moving me to his lap so I lay against his chest, tired. My lips found his neck, licking and sucking while he moaned, rubbing my back.

“Tell her what you told me,” Cullen said suddenly and I felt him shift as he nudged Isabela.

“I...I'd rather not,” she said.

“She needs to hear it,” Garrett said.

“It's been an emotional evening for her,” Isabela argued.

“Iz,” Garrett said his tone urging. The pirate sighed and dropped back against the couch, her fingers carding through my hair. She was silent for a long time and I thought she might not say anything.

“I love you, Kitten,” she said. “More than I've ever loved anyone in my miserable life, really. I don't want to marry you or anything like that but...you're mine in your own way. When I got Garrett's letter...It was like I couldn't breathe. I ported in Kirkwall and Varric met me at the docks. I spent the night at the Hanged Man crying. I don't cry, kitten. I've thrown people overboard to escape capture and I felt like shit doing it, but I didn't cry. I was tortured by the Qunari and I didn't cry. I almost got killed by Tevinter mages and I didn't cry. But the thought of losing you...I don't want to marry you, I don't want to be with Cullen or Garrett like I am with you. I know my place, but I know your place in my life as well.” She sighed heavily, reaching over and taking my hand in hers.

“I know I've been rough on you, Kitten, it's just...I've been so angry! You made a choice and didn't consult anyone else, didn't tell anyone else that you might die, that you might leave us. You didn't give us a choice, you didn't even warn us! You knew and you lied to us! It's like you didn't trust us, like you didn't...didn't love us enough to let us in...You know everything about us but you keep these secrets and...it hurts...” I felt tears wet the blindfold,  pressing my face into Cullen's neck as I gripped Isabela's hand tightly.

“I'm sorry,” I hiccuped. “I do love you. I...I don't know why I did it. I was just so afraid you would make me terminate the pregnancy or hate Emilia or...I don't know. I was afraid. Maybe I thought that saying it out loud would make it real. If I ignored it, it would go away.”

“You didn't let us share your fear,” Garrett said. “That's what you do with those you love. It hurt that you didn't trust us.” I sobbed into Cullen's neck, feeling guilty and ashamed.

“I'm sorry,” I wailed. “I'm sorry! I love you! I won't do it again. I promise! I won't keep any more secrets!” Isabela kissed me, her lips gentle and loving, moving along my cheeks and chin. She shifted me, moving her kisses to my neck and chest. Garrett pressed more kisses to my hips, back and thighs as Cullen trailed his lips over my face. I sobbed more, my guilt mounting as they worshiped me.

“Let's get her to bed,” Garrett said. “She's tired.” I whimpered and tightened my grip on Cullen.

“Wanna be held.”

“Ahh,” Garrett hummed. “Well, you can cuddle with him a little longer.” 

“Keep your eyes closed,” the commander said in a low voice and I did, feeling the blindfold removed. My face was cleaned carefully, my head turned from Cullen's chest.

“Open your eyes, love,” he said. “I miss seeing them.” I slowly let my eyes flutter open, adjusting to the light in the room after being in the dark for two days. Ever so slowly, they came into focus and I saw three sets of Amber eyes looking at me intently. I smiled, looking at Cullen who was gazing into my eyes with an affectionate smile.

"Hello, my good girl,” he cooed softly and I flushed, squirming at the endearment.

“She likes being called that it seems,” Garrett observed and I turned my gaze to him. The corner's of his lips turned up as he leaned over me, giving me a tender kiss.

“Do you, Kitten?” Isabela asked. “Do you like when we call you 'good girl'?” I nodded.

“I don't know why.”

“You like being called a 'bad' or 'naughty girl', too, but that's usually when we have ours cocks buried in you,” Cullen said with a smirk. Garrett slid a dry blindfold back over my eyes and I snuggled back into Cullen, nuzzling his chest, my tongue flicking out against his skin.

“She's got quite the oral fixation,” the pirate remarked.

“I may have encouraged it,” Garrett said.

“So have I,” Cullen said. 

I felt myself begin to drift off, lulled by their conversation and I lazily kissed and sucked at Cullens neck and shoulders and soon I was being lifted into Garrett's arms. I whimpered, struggling briefly until Isabela chastised me gently, brushing a kiss over my lips. Cullen kissed me as well and I sucked on his tongue, pulling him close to me. He chuckled and pulled away, letting Garrett carry me to the bed, adjusting my nightgown. I heard the other two bid us goodnight and leave. Garrett climbed into bed, wrapping his arms around me and from the brush of his bare skin I could tell he only wore loose breeches. I buried in his chest, aching to be held by him.

“You still have free movement, baby,” he said. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing as close to him as I could get, twining my legs with his. My lips pressed against his skin, my tongue poking out to tease the flesh there.

“I love you,” Garrett said. “More than you could ever know.”

“I love you, too,” I said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's so naughty!


	122. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. Been super busy! Moving sucks! But here are a few chapters to make up for it!

I awoke to Garrett leaning over me, kissing my neck tenderly. When I mewled and reached for him, he caught my hand and kissed my fingers.  
  
“Good morning, baby,” he said.  
  
“Good morning,” I replied, yawning.  
  
“Do you have to pee?” I nodded and Garrett pulled me from the bed, guiding me to the water closet where I relieved myself, blushing when he took the rag and cleaned me.  
  
“I...wait...that's...”  
  
“Shhh, don't fight,” he hushed. “It's my day and your punishment doesn't end until tomorrow morning.” I was pulled into the main room and stripped, Garrett walking off to pick out my clothes. I shivered as a cool breeze tickled over my skin, causing my nipples to harden and my skin to goose pimple. Garrett returned, chuckling and wrapping me in his arms when he saw me trembling.  
  
“Awe, baby, are you cold?” he asked, rubbing his rough hands over my arms to warm them up.  
  
“A little,” I said. He pulled me to the fireplace, pressing against my back and wrapping his arms around me. I basked in the warmth of his body and the fire, enjoying the feel of his bare skin on mine. He rocked us gently, stopping only when Emilia fussed for her morning meal. I nursed my daughter, Garrett pressing kisses to her head as well as my neck as I did.  
  
“You know,” he hummed in my ear as his lips teased my lobe, “I thought I would be at least a little jealous since it's Cullen's daughter, but I'm not. Because she's just as much mine as his.”  
  
“Well, not just as much,” I teased.  
  
“You know what I mean,” he chuckled. “I just love her. She's so cute and sweet. Well, now she's sweet. While you were out she was very grumpy.”  
  
“I'm sorry,” I said.  
  
“It's not your fault,” he replied. “She just missed her Mamae. And we were all on edge. Poor kid. But you're a happy baby now, Emilia, aren't you? Yes, you are and Babae and Papa think you're just the cutest little girl ever! Mamae makes such pretty baby's. You're such a lucky dog.” I laughed, putting Emilia over my shoulder as she finished nursing and burping her. Garrett took her from my arms and I heard her fuss a bit.  
  
“Now just wait,” he scolded playfully. “Babae needs to get Mamae dressed and then you can be held.”  
  
“I'll take her,” came Cullen's voice and Emilia fell silent.  
  
“What is she wearing today?” Isabela asked. There was a pause and Cullen and Isabela began laughing.  
  
“Oh, I like it!” Isabela cheered.  
  
“She's going to kill you,” Cullen snickered. “But I like it, too.” I was dressed in a strange gown that didn't seem to have enough cloth. It was long sleeved, with a tight breast the was low cut. The skirt fell to the floor with two wide slits, one on each side the exposed my legs. The skirt and top were connected by thin bands of cloth wound around the ribs, the skirt beginning at my waist so my stomach was covered. The entire thing was made of a satin like material and, according to the Cullen, was a soft champagne color. I shifted uncomfortably, my hands trying to tug the dress to cover as much skin as possible.  
  
“You don't like it?” Garrett asked, gently taking my hands in his own to get me to stop pulling at the gown.  
  
“I...I don't like showing this much of my body,” I said.  
  
“You know,” Cullen hummed and I could hear him moving closer to me. “You never cared before if people saw you naked. I gave you a bath when you were sick and you used to traipse around Haven in nothing but your nightgown. What's changed?”  
  
“Having two children and being scared,” I said. “I...I know it doesn't bother you guys, but it bothers me. My body wasn't that nice to begin with, but since all that, it's just gotten so ugly.”  
  
“Baby, your body is still beautiful,” Garrett said. “It's just beautiful in a different way. What bothers you the most about it?”  
  
“Besides the weight?” I asked.  
  
“Well, you've lost most of that already,” Cullen remarked. “Between being comatose and nursing, you don't have much baby weight left.”  
  
“The stretch marks,” I said.  
  
“I can heal the new ones if they really bother you,” Garrett said. “It won't take them away completely, but I can get them faded.”  
  
“You can?” I asked. “Why didn't you tell me?”  
  
“Because I didn't think it mattered,” he said. “I didn't know it bothered you so much. I knew you were uncomfortable, but you didn't seem overly upset by them.”  
  
“Will you heal them?” I asked. A kiss was brushed over my cheek.  
  
“Of course, Baby. Come here and lift your skirt.”  
  
I did, holding the cloth out of the way so my stomach was bared. Warmth tingled along my skin and it felt like something was knitting together. Garrett's hands smoothed slowly over my skin, his mana spiking as he worked. It wasn't long before he was placing sweet kisses on the skin of my stomach before standing up.  
  
“There,” he said. “Do you want to see?”  
  
“Please.” I was pulled towards where our mirror was and the blindfold was removed. I blinked a few times, squinting against the sunlight that poured in through the windows. My eyes focused and I saw my stomach, the skin slightly wrinkled and a little pudge still present. I had liked when my stomach had been relatively flat, the muscles more toned with Garrett's intense training. Now, it seemed to be like it had before, rounded and a little flabby. Silver lines marked my hips and the underside of my belly, the dark red lines replaced with faint ones that were almost invisible beneath the ink of my tattoo.  I dropped the skirt, looking at myself in the mirror for the first time in a long time. I was startled by what I saw. I didn't remember being so pale. My cheeks looked a little hollow, my eyes seeming so large with faint circles beneath them. My collarbone jutted out, my shoulders and arms having lost some of the muscles I had been so proud of. My ribs were slightly visible at my sides, even with the extra weight at my belly. My legs were thinner, my knee's more prominent and my ankles appearing very delicate. My thighs were almost milk white, even paler than the rest of me from the lack of sun exposure. My tattoo's seemed even darker on my skin and my elbows and wrists were harsh lines where they had been soft curves before. I looked ill. I reached out, my shaking hand hovering over the mirror.  
  
“What's wrong, baby?” Garrett asked. I looked at him in the mirror, seeing Cullen looking at me just as puzzled. Isabela stared at me intently, copper eyes knowing.  
  
“I...how long have I looked like this?” I asked, breathlessly.  
  
“Looked like what?” Cullen questioned.  
  
“Sickly.”  
  
Silence met my words as three sets of amber eyes stared at me.  
  
“For a while,” Garrett said. “I suppose I didn't notice since it was so gradual. But thinking back on it, it started in Kirkwall.”  
  
“I noticed when I arrived,” Isabela said. “It pissed me off.” Cullen stared at me for a long moment before turning his head to the side, jaw clenched tightly.  
  
“I noticed after you gave birth,” Cullen said. “You looked so frail on the bed, so pale and fragile. I...it was hard seeing you like that. You always seemed so healthy and strong.” I stumbled back from the mirror, my hands reaching out to grip something for support. Garrett grabbed me, holding me steady as the reality of what I had done hit me.  
  
I had almost died.  
  
I was still weak.  
  
I had hidden it and put myself in further jeopardy.  
  
I, who had been stocky and strong for my size, able to easily lift eighty-pound dogs like they were baby's and carry them, looked like I could barely hold my youngest son.  
  
I looked so sick.  
  
The blindfold was placed back over my eyes and Garrett rubbed his hand down my back.  
  
“Come on,” he said. “Let's get you some breakfast.”  
  
I ate breakfast, keeping silent as the strained conversation went on around me. I followed Garrett to the training grounds where Cullen sparred with Gethorn, Malcolm cheering them on from his perch in my lap. As if he sensed my distress, Malcolm became clingy, curling against me, peppering my face with kisses and petting my long curls.  
  
“Love you, Mamae,” he cooed for the hundredth time.  
  
“I love you, my sweet boy,” I replied, kissing him.  
  
“Malcolm, it's your turn,” Cullen called. “I hope you've been practicing.”  
  
“I have, Papa,” Malcolm said, not moving to leave my arms. “Can I skip training today?”  
  
“Wha- can you...no! Get over here!”  
  
“Malcolm, do as you're told,” Garrett said.  
  
“I wanna stay with Mamae,” Malcolm complained.  
  
“Mamae will be right there,” Cullen said. “Now come get your sword and practice, son.” Malcolm sighed but slid from my lap, trotting away from me. I felt someone sit by my feet and a head rest on my lap. I reached down, feeling a pointed ear and knew it was Gethorn.  
  
“Hello, love,” I said. “Who won?”  
  
“Pffft, Cullen,” Gethron snorted.  
  
“Well, he's got many years of experience on you,” I pointed out.  
  
“I know,” he sighed. “It's just annoying. I mean, you fought him to a draw before.”  
  
“I'm a mage, sweety,” I said. “I have a bit of an advantage. And if he wasn't holding back, he would kick my ass.” Gethorn hummed but said no more about it. We fell silent, listening as Cullen instructed Malcolm while Isabela and Garrett shouted out pointers.  
  
“You seem upset,” Gethorn said, reaching up and stroking Emilia's head.  
  
“I just...I didn't realize how sickly I looked,” I said.  
  
“Do you not look in the mirror?” Gethorn asked.  
  
“Honestly? No, not often. At least not more than a quick glance to check my hair or something.”  
  
“Did it scare you?” Gethorn asked.  
  
“It did,” I said.  
  
“It scared me too,” Gethorn said. I shifted Emilia to one arm and wrapped the other around his shoulders, pulling him into my breast. His arms wound around my ribs and he buried his face in my chest.  
  
“I'm sorry I scared you, isha'lin,” I said. “I didn't mean to. I love you.”  
  
“I know, Mamae,” he said. “I love you, too.”  
  
“Are you angry with me?” I asked.  
  
“A little,” he admitted. “I wish you hadn't risked your life like that, though I know why you did it. It's just...it's scary. You're my mother. You're supposed to be invincible. Even when we fought Coreypheus, I wasn't worried you wouldn't make it back. You were strong, you took a blast of fire! It was so strange thinking you could die in childbirth.”  
  
“You know,” I said. “I won't always be around, but that doesn't mean I'll ever leave you. I love you, and as long as you hold me in your heart, I'll be there.”  
  
“I know, Mamae,” he said in a rough voice. I stroked his head, my fingers combing through his hair as we sat cuddled together, Emilia tucked against the other side of my chest, cooing softly.

  
  
“I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,  
And each road leads you where you wanna go,” I began to sing in a soft voice.  
“And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,  
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.  
And if one door opens to another door closed,  
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,  
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.” Gethorn's grip on me tightened and he nuzzled at my breast, listening as I sang to him.  
  
“But more than anything, more than anything  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.” Gethorn relaxed into me more, his breathing becoming slow and steady.  
  
“I hope you never look back, but you never forget,  
All the ones who love you, in the place you live,  
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,  
And you help somebody every chance you get,  
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,  
And always give more than you take.  
But more than anything, yeah, more than anything  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.  
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.” The song ended and I noticed Gethorn had drifted off to sleep, snuggled against me with his arms tight around me. Fingers carded through my hair and bearded lips brushed over mine.  
  
“I love when you sing to our babies,” Garrett said and I could hear the smile in his voice.  
  
“Gethorn's not really a baby,” I said with a grin.  
  
“He's our baby and that's all that matters,” Garrett said with a chuckle.  
  
“Ouw, Papa!” Malcolm shrieked.  
  
“Block, pup!” Cullen barked. Gethorn grumbled and shifted before settling again. Garrett's forearm rested on my shoulder briefly, the muscles shifting in such a way I knew he was most likely petting our adopted son's hair.  
  
“He hasn't slept well since you got sick,” Garrett said. “He hasn't gotten a chance to be clingy with all the activity.”  
  
“I guess he has been pushed to the side a bit since he's the oldest,” I said. “We forget he's still a kid and still needs reassurance.” Emilia was lifted from my arms and I pulled Gethorn closer, letting him drape himself over my legs, his cheek pressed to my breast. Garrett sat beside me, his arm draped over my shoulder. Emilia cooed against her Babae's chest and I heard the loud smacking sound of Garrett playfully kissing her so she mewled happily. I could hear Cullen and Malcolm sparing, the former barking out corrections while Isabela cheered my son on, giving him pointers. I leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Gethorn's head and he snorted, shifting slightly before dropping back off to sleep.  
  
“What're you thinking about?” he asked. I paused.  
  
“How perfect my life is,” I sighed, happily.  
  
“Even though you're being punished right now?” he questioned.  
  
“Yes,” I said. “You're doing it because you love me.” Garrett hummed in agreement, dropping a kiss to my temple.  
  
“Can I ask you something?” I inquired in a soft voice.  
  
“What's that, baby?” he asked.  
  
“Why do you keep asking me what I'm thinking? You've done it a lot since the punishment started.”  
  
“To make sure you're in an okay headspace,” he said. “I know you and I know your mind can wander to dark places when left to do so.”  
  
I nodded my head, leaning into his shoulder.  
  
“Our son is getting his ass kicked,” Garrett sighed. “I need to work on training him better.” I snorted, shaking my head.  
  
“You are all so worried about him being a great warrior, you tend to forget he's a kid. Let him be a child.” Garrett fell silent.  
  
“Kick Papa's butt son!” he yelled. “Use magic!”  
  
“Garrett! Not helping!” Cullen shouted. “Ouw!” Garrett and Isabela roared with laughter and I whimpered, wanting to know what was going on.  
  
“When Cullen was distracted, Malcolm whacked him in the butt!” Garrett laughed gleefully.  
  
“You left yourself open, Papa!” Malcolm cried, shrieking with laughter.  
  
“I'm torn between anger and pride,” Cullen said, sounding impressed.  
  
“Go with pride,” Isabela said. “That was great.”  
  
“C'mere, pup,” Cullen laughed and Malcolm shrieked with delight. Gethorn grumbled and nuzzled against me and I stroked his hair to calm him.  
  
“Guys, Gethorn's sleeping,” I said.  
  
“So that's the Inquisitor, eh?” Isabela said.  
  
“He's just Gethorn Hawke to us,” I said, stroking the elf's cheek.  
  
“Mmm, loud,” Gethorn complained.  
  
“Sorry, pup,” Garrett said.  
  
“I'm sleepy, too, Mamae,” Malcolm complained.  
  
“C'mon,” Garrett sighed. “Let's get these kids down for a nap. Iz, can you take mai bebe?”  
  
“That's my baby, there,” Cullen said.  
  
“Mine too!” Garrett said. “Isn't Malcolm your baby?”  
  
“He's hardly a baby anymore,” Cullen said with a soft grunt. “What are we feeding you, pup?”  
  
“Food,” Malcolm said simply and I laughed. Gethorn was pulled from my arms and he complained at being moved.  
  
“Shhh, it's just Babae, pup,” Garrett said. “Let's get you to bed. You kids all need a nap.”  
  
“I'm not a kid,” Gethorn complained.  
  
“You're my kid and you're tired, now hush.”  
  
“Wanna lay with Mamae.”  
  
“Me, too!” Isabela let out an affectionate sigh and began guiding me towards our room.  
  
“We need a bigger bed,” Cullen sighed.  
  
“I already asked Josie for one,” Garrett said.  
  
“Babae,” Gethorn complained.  
  
“Yes, yes, son,” Garrett sighed. “I'm going. You and your brother and sister and Mamae can all take a nap. Mamae didn't sleep well last night anyway.”  
  
We went into our room and I was laid down on the bed, Gethorn and Malcolm curling up around me while Emilia was rested on my chest. I had wanted to protest having to take a nap, but now as I lay back, I found I was exhausted. I dropped off to sleep, listening to the others talking softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, question time! What do you guys think of Michelle's punishment? Is it appropriate? Is it over-kill? Is it too soft? If you were in her shoes, would you be okay with it? If you were in Cullen, Garrett or Iz's shoes, would you make it harsher?
> 
> One thing that I always thought was essential in any D/S relationship, was to make the Punishment fit the Crime. Have I done that?
> 
> As always, you guys are fucking awesome! Tons of love!


	123. What Hurts The Most

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING!!!**  
>  Mentions of abortion.
> 
> For those who missed all the other disclaimers, you should go back and read them because I will not tolerate any shaming in the comments nor does Michelle's opinion reflect anything political. It's her opinion on _her_ situation!

I awoke to Emilia fussing and clutched her to me, sitting up and tugging my dress down. 

“Sleep well, baby?” came Garrett's voice from the sitting area. I yawned and nodded, feeling around to see who was in the bed with me.

“Gethorn and Malcolm woke a little while ago and went to get dinner,” he said, answering my unspoken question. “Cullen's off in his office and Iz is in the tavern.” I heard him get up and felt him sit on the bed.

“I'll order you some dinner,” he said. I nodded, feeling him press a kiss to my brow before rising once more. I heard him leave the room and put Emilia over my shoulder, burping her then letting her snuggle into my chest. The door open again and there was the sound of something being set on our coffee table. Emilia was lifted from my arms and I was guided to the couch. I heard Garrett settle the babe in her crib before coming over and sitting beside me. He silently fed me a dish of meat and root vegetables, dabbing my lips with a napkin anytime something was spilled. When we were done, I was tucked against his bare chest, his shirt having been discarded some time I hadn't paid attention to, and he pulled out a book, reading silently. I listened to the soft coos from the cradle and the crackle of the fire. Every now and again Garrett would hum softly and turn a page. His fingers drew lazy circles on my shoulders and I suddenly wanted to kiss him. I moved to do so, but stopped, knowing I would get in trouble. I couldn't wait for this punishment to end. It was maddening not being able to do things, to rely solely on them with no real choice of my own. I was bound to them, my every action dictated and any choices of my own stolen. I shifted, frustrated with the entire thing.

I wanted a kiss.

Couldn't I even ask for a kiss?

I pressed closer to Garrett, feeling tears sting my eyes. He hummed softly, his fingers moving to twirl my hair. A sob welled in my throat and before I knew it, I was crying.

“What is it, baby?” Garrett cooed. “What's wrong?”

“I want a kiss!” I wept, pressing my face to his chest. He let out a soft chuckle and tilted my head back with a finger on my chin. His lips pressed against mine gently and I heard the book land on the table with a soft thud.

“Why are you crying?” he asked against my lips.

“Because,” I sniffled. “I don't have a choice! You dictate _everything_ for me and I have to go along with it! I don't get to decide _anything_ for myself!” Garrett was silent, his fingers skimming along my back. I could tell he was watching me, his slow breaths fanning out over my face.

“I didn't have a choice,” he said at last. “You dictated my acceptance of your lyrium withdrawal, of Emilia, of your likely death. You took that from me when you hid your sickness. I had to find out when you lay in a coma on our bed. I didn't get to decide if I was okay with it or not. You didn't let me help you, let me be there for you, let me be your rock when you needed it. You did the same for Cullen. For Isabela. For your children and your brother and all your friends and family. You took our choice away and you almost died. The last thing you said to us would have been a lie.”

I froze, my hands clenching into fists on his chest. I was suddenly weeping, unable to stop myself. I had done that to them. I had made it so they found out at the worst possible moment because I hadn't trusted them, hadn't treated them like my partners and friends and people I could lean on because I was used to facing the world alone. I was used to standing by myself against whatever came my way, used to suffering in silence, used to being a one-woman army. I had the chance to let them in and I failed and turned my back on them. I cried against his chest, wrapping my arms around him as I wailed. He enfolded me in his arms, murmuring softly to me.

“I'm sorry!” I cried. “I'm _so_ sorry!” A hand was placed on my back and I turned my head slightly.

“I know, love,” Cullen said.

“What I did...” I wailed, reaching for his hand while still keeping myself pressed to Garrett. He took my hand in his, lips brushing over my fingers.

“I know,” he repeated.

“But...”

“Shhhh...just calm down, Kitten.” Isabela's hand cupped my cheek. I continued to cry, being petted by them until my tears ran out. As I slowly calmed, I hiccuped softly, my shoulders shuddering. Something came to mind and I paused, chewing my lip.

“What is it?” Garrett asked.

“I...there's something I never told you, never told anyone but Madison, to be honest,” I said. “Garrett and Cullen know of it, but...” Both men shifted.

“You want to tell us?” Garrett asked, no doubt thinking of the moment after Malcolm's birth I had sat on the floor, curled around my twin, sobbing. I nodded.

“You can tell us anything, love,” Cullen said softly. I slowly sat up, Garrett shifting back so his one leg was behind me while the other dropped to the floor. I lifted my hands to my blindfold, pausing as I did.

“You can take it off,” Cullen said, reaching over and helping me. Slowly the room came into focus, the anxious faces of Garrett, Cullen, and Isabela coming into view.

“I...I don't know how to say this,” I said. “I...”

“Let's have a drink,” Isabela said suddenly, jumping to her feet and retrieving a bottle of booze. I could have kissed her and I did when she uncorked a bottle of rum and handed it to me. I took a long drink, coughing as I pulled it back and passed it to Garrett. I waited, taking another drink when it came back to me. When I had enough alcohol in my system, I took a deep breath and looked at the floor, tears clouding my vision.

“When I was sixteen...after my father left...I realized...I realized I hadn't gotten my cycle in a few weeks,” I began. “I...I was pregnant.” Complete silence met my statement. I looked up to see the bottle being held out by Cullen, Isabela's hand frozen in mid-air to take it.

“The only person who had touched me...like _that_ was my father or the man I thought was my father,” I went on, my gaze on the bottle of rum but my mind transported to the awful moment I had realized I carried my rapist's child. “I asked a friend of mine to get me something to terminate a pregnancy. I took triple the dose and...” A sob spilled from my lips.

“Baby,” Garrett said, reaching for me, but I pushed away from him.

“Don't,” I said. “I'm...it's one of the few things I regret, one of the things that hurts so fucking much...He...he would have been seventeen if he had lived...if I hadn't taken...taken his life.”

“You were young,” Cullen said. 

“That's no excuse!” I cried, rising to my feet and pacing. “He didn't _do_ anything. He didn't _ask_ to be made. He didn't _ask_ for his parents to be a sick pedophile and his victim. He didn't deserve my hate.”

“You didn't hate him, baby,” Garrett said gently. He stood and seized me, pulling me to his chest even as I fought him.

“How can you say that?” I asked, hiccuping. "I _hated_ him. I hated him so much that I killed him because of who his father was!"

“If you hated him, it wouldn't bother you this much,” Isabela said, reaching over and petting my cheek. “You made a choice because you were a scared kid. Many women make the same choice. It doesn't mean it's wrong or right. It's _just_ a choice, kitten.”

“I just couldn't,” I whimpered, pressing my face to Garrett's chest. “I couldn't carry him. I couldn't give birth to him. I couldn't _deal_ with him. And if I gave him up, it would follow him. He'd just be a product of rape and incest his whole life. And what would I say to him? If he came looking for me, if he wanted answers, what would I tell him? 'I hated you and it was either give you up or kill you'? I feel so guilty for making such a selfish choice.”

“You would have loved him,” Cullen said gently and I looked at him.

“Madison said the same thing,” I laughed wetly. “He also said that he never left. Energy can't be created or destroyed. It's transferred or it remains and he remained. When I had Malcolm, he told me that it returned. It waited to be where it belonged...he waited...to be with...with me.” I collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably and Garrett sunk to the floor with me while Isabela and Cullen joined us, surrounding me.

“Maybe it did,” Garrett said softly. “Malcolm is very in tune with you, more so than most children. He just seems to know what you need and when you need it. And he was such a happy baby, like just being with you was his greatest joy.” I wailed against Garrett's chest, the words breaking my heart in a way I couldn't say. 

“When...when I would get upset...about it,” I cried, fighting to get the words out around my tears, “Madison would...put his hand...on my stomach...and say...and say...'he's here”…'he's waiting'...I...he deserved better....I....” Words failed me and I wept bitterly between them.

“You didn't do anything wrong, love,” Cullen soothed. “You did what you thought was best for both him and yourself. This effects you so much because you've never dealt with it.” Warm hands petted me into calmness once more and I closed my eyes.

“Mamae...” came a soft voice and I looked over to see Malcolm hovering in the doorway. We all chuckled and I held out my arms to him.

“Yes, my love?” I asked. He came to me, stepping between Isabela and Cullen, crawling into my arms.

“Why are you crying?” he asked, tiny hands brushing at my wet cheeks.

“It's hard to explain,” I said. “I'll tell you when you're older.”

“Babae?” Malcolm turned his hazel gaze to his father who just shook his head.

“You wouldn't understand, son,” he said. “It's best to just leave it.”

“Mamae just did something when she was younger that she feels bad about,” Cullen said when those curious eyes turned to him. Malcolm was silent for a long time, hazel eyes looking into mine, searching for something.

“Was it bad?” he questioned, petting my hair.

“Yes,” I said.

“Did it hurt?”

“More than you know.” I tucked an errant black curl behind his ear.

“Did you fix it?”

“There was no fixing it, love,” I said, pressing a kiss to his brow.

“It'll be okay, Mamae,” he said, kissing me wetly. “I'm here and I love you.” I nodded, hugging him tightly as a new wave of tears began. Those words may have been carelessly chosen, but they held more meaning than my small child realized. I pulled back, peppering his round cheeks with kisses and sniffling.

“Yes, my love,” I said. “You are.” I sat there, cuddling with my son, petting and kissing him as he did the same to me, mimicking the way his father's and I comforted him. I calmed, pressing my forehead to my sons as his tiny hands caressed my cheeks.

“I waited for you for so long, my love,” I told him. “I loved you before you were even born, more than I can say.” He stared at me, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“I waited for you, too, Mamae,” he said and I was unsure if he was just saying it because he thought he should.

“I'm sorry you waited so long,” I said.

“It's all right,” he replied. He pulled back and yawned, tilting his head back and placing a smacking kiss on my lips.

“I'm gonna go to bed,” he said.

“You don't wanna sleep with us?” Cullen asked, curiously.

“Nah,” he said. “You guys busy. But wanna be tucked in.” Garrett chuckled and stood, sweeping our child into his arms.

“We can most certainly do that, my child.” We all filed out of the room, walking down the hall to the small room that had been set up for the toddler. A twin sized bed sat against the one windowed wall with an armoire on another wall. A toy chest was beside the armoire, toys scattered along the floor. Cullen lit one of the torches in the room with flint we stowed on top of the closet and I bent down, picking up some of the toys and depositing them in the chest.

“Malcolm, this place is a mess,” I sighed.

“Sorry, Mamae,” he said. “I was cleaning but you needed me.” I paused and chuckled.

“Don't worry, love,” I said. Garrett lifted the toddler over his head, making wooshing noises with his mouth like the boy was flying before dropping him down on his bed. I smiled as my son shrieked with laughter, flailing his tiny limbs as Garrett pounced on him, showering him with loud kisses.

“Muwa! Muwa! Muwa! Ouw! Don't pull my beard! Muwa! You're not getting away from me! Muwa!”

“Babae! Papa, help!”

“Yes, Papa, help!” Garrett implored, a grin on his face. Cullen jumped over to the bed and descended on the boy, taking Garrett's place in smothering him with kisses.

“Auntie Iz!” Malcolm begged, looking for someone to save him from his fathers.

“Nope!” Cullen said. “You're mine, pup! Muwa! Muwa! Ack, don't pull my hair! Muwa, muwa, muwa!”

“My turn!” Isabela declared. Cullen and Garrett moved aside as the pirate jumped on the bed and snatched Malcolm up, rolling around with him pressed tightly to her chest as she peppered kisses on his laughing cheeks.

“You're so cute! Muwa, muwa, muwa! Look at that handsome boy! Muwa, muwa, muwa! Gotta get me some of that sugar!” I laughed, walking over and swatting them playfully. Isabela laid Malcolm back on the bed and the child flung his arms out, panting as he looked at me, hazel eyes sparkling. I gently tugged the blankets over him, sitting beside him and smoothing my hand over his belly.

“You are so loved, my son,” I said. He smiled and I stroked my fingers along his cheek, watching as his eyes drifted shut.

“I waited for you. I carried you through the years. I loved you before you ever took a breath. You are everything in this world that is good, everything in _me_ that is good. You are stronger than I could ever be, kinder than I could hope and smarter than you know. You are everything and you are amazing.” Malcolm smiled sleepily at me, his eyes drifting shut and a content sigh spilling from his lips. I stood and nodded to Isabela who doused the torch. We walked out of the room, leaving the door cracked and returned to our own room.

“Let's go to bed,” Garrett said. 

“My punishment,” I said, looking at him.

“You've been punished enough,” Garrett said. I turned and stomped my foot, my fists clenched.

“No,” I said. “I want you to finish. I did wrong and I need to make up for it.” Three sets of amber eyes looked at me in surprise before turning to each other.

“She wants to finish it,” Cullen said.

“I don't really want to punish her anymore,” Isabela said. “I think it's been enough.”

“I agree,” Garrett said. “It's been an emotional evening. I don't want to do more damage.”

“We do more damage by going back on our word,” Cullen pointed out. “If this is what she wants, what she feels she needs, then we need to do it.”

“I suppose,” Garrett said.

“We don't have to be as hard as we've been,” Isabela said.

“I can hear you,” I sighed.

“Sorry,” they all said, turning to me.

“C'mere, baby,” Garrett said, holding out his hand. I took it, letting him pull me close. “We'll finish it, then.” He helped me out of my dress while Cullen grabbed the sheer gown I had been made to wear the past few days. It was slipped over my head and I was pulled to the middle of the room. Isabela climbed on Cullen's shoulders and retrieved the chains we had secured to the beam when I had played a desire demon for Cullen. My hands were pulled over my head and fastened to them before Garrett adjusted them so they were just taunt enough. Isabela retrieved some things from the 'toy' chest that I didn't see and I fidgeted in anticipation.

“You will be paddled,” Garrett said. “You will count them. You will say why you were punished and you will apologize. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I said, my gaze on the floor. The first swat was stinging but bearable. 

“One,” I said. “I lied to you. I'm sorry.” Another blow landed and I lurched slightly.

“T-two. I hid that I was sick. I'm sorry.” Another smack that throbbed slightly on my tender skin.

“Thr-ee. I put myself in danger. I'm sorry.” Another blow that hurt far more than I thought it would, making me tug at my arms.

“Fo-four...I didn't trust you. I'm sorry.” A loud crack sounded and the pain was delayed as my body fought to flood my system with enough endorphins to counter it.

“Fiiiive. I took away your choice. I'm sorry.”

“Good girl,” Cullen cooed and I gave him a pained smile. Whap! I groaned and sagged against the chains, my knee's locking with the effort to keep myself up.

“Six,” I said. “I almost got myself killed. I'm...I'm so sorry.” I tensed for another blow, but it never came. Instead, blessedly cool hands smoothed over my hot skin and the paddle fell to the floor with a clatter. Lips trailed over my eyes, brushing away tears.  
“It's over,” Garrett said. “No more lies, no more anger, no more hurting. It's _over_.” I nodded, sighing softly. My hands were unchained and Garrett caught my boneless body, lifting me up and taking me to the bed. I blearily registered them crawling in with me, positioning me draped over Garrett's chest with Cullen and Isabela on either side. Hands petted me as lips caressed my skin.

“Thank you,” Garrett said suddenly.

“For what?” I asked tiredly.

“For telling us,” he said. “I know it was hard, but...I think we understand better now.” I looked at him curiously.

“Yes,” Cullen agreed. “It...it makes more sense why you hid it. You didn't want us to hate Emilia like...like you hated your son...”

“We wouldn't have hated her,” Isabela assured. I smiled and rested my head on Garrett's chest, the wiry hair tickling my cheek.

“She's having my baby next,” Isabela joked. We all laughed and I reached out and took the pirates hand, kissing it.

“How would that work?” Cullen asked. “I mean...I know it's not possible, but...”

“In the world I came from, it is,” I said.

“Really?” Isabela asked. “How?”

“A number of ways,” I explained. “They could put your genetic material in a sperm cell and put it in one of my eggs. That technology is still in its infancy, though and it doesn't always work, not to mention it's crazy expensive. The easiest way would be to implant one of your fertilized eggs inside me...”

“It sounds like words, but I don't understand it,” Garrett laughed. I smiled.

“I'll explain better later,” I yawned. “In truth, it might be possible here. You could get pregnant and we could use magic to transfer the babe to my womb.”

“That sounds risky,” Cullen said.

“Yeah, too risky,” Isabela agreed. “I'll just take a potion to grow a penis and fuck you.” We all laughed at this, snuggling together on the bed.

I smiled, letting sleep claim me, feeling very peaceful if a little raw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there it is. Michelle's little secret. One of the few things she truly regrets.


	124. You and I

I scarfed down my food, suddenly ravenous.

“ _Damn_ , baby,” Garrett teased, watching me.

“Leave her alone,” Isabela said. “She needs it.” I swallowed the bit of fruit in my mouth and stuck my tongue out at Garrett. Cullen laughed, reaching over and refilling my juice for me. I batted my lashes at him before stuffing some bred into my mouth.

“Good, you're eating,” my father said, walking into the room with potions in hand.

“Oh, no more potions,” I complained. He leveled me with a stern look that I shrunk back from. He handed me the nutrient potion and I quickly downed it, following it with the one for nausea. I had kept up this regime at my father's insistence since it meant I could eat and assured I would keep the food down. Solas sat next to me on the couch, putting an arm around my shoulders.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Fine,” I said. “A little tired, but fine. Can I go training today?” The others in the room looked at each other.

“Sure,” Cullen said. “I'll spar with you.”

“No, I will,” Solas said.

“Babae, you _always_ hold back,” I complained.

“Spar with them both,” Isabela said. “I've never gotten to see you fight.”

“It's hot,” Garrett groaned.

“Not something I needed to hear,” Solas grumbled.

“Sorry, Dad,” Garrett said with a grin. I snickered. I had always loved it that Garrett called my father 'Dad'. It just made me laugh and I had no idea why. I finished my meal, draining another two glasses of juice before I nursed Emilia and got dressed. Solas left as the others did the same and we all trekked out to the training grounds. The weight of my staff in my hand was strange since I hadn't used it in almost a month. I twirled it a few times, reacquainting myself with the way it moved and shifted, how much pressure I needed to move it and where my hand needed to be. Cullen grabbed a shield and practice sword, picking out a clear spot for us to spar. Malcolm followed Gethorn and Solas over, climbing up on a fence and turning eager eyes towards me.

“Go!” Isabela called out and Cullen and I began to circle each other. I moved my feet carefully, my legs tensed and ready to throw my weight to one side should her charge. I fired a bolt of energy at him that he deflected, swiping at me with the sword. I jumped back, shifting my weight so I didn't fall. I wasn't used to moving like this. I hadn't done it in months and my weight was different, less so than before with the loss of fat and muscle mass. I ducked as he swiped at me again, spinning my staff and whacking him in the back. He grunted as turned, his shield blocking my next strike. He threw me back and I rolled when I hit the ground, quickly springing to my feet and casting mind blast. He was flung back a few meters but jumped to his feet easily, charging me again. I flung a fireball at him, watching as he easily batted it to the side. It hit Garrett's barrier and fizzled out in a thick plume of smoke. I tossed another one at him, but he easily knocked it to the side. I spun out of his reach, jabbing the blade of my staff into the ground and using it to vault myself up higher. I spun in midair, flinging my legs out. Cullen tried to pull back, but I  caught his neck beneath my knee and threw my weight onto him, forcing him back on the ground. He hit the dirt with a grunt and I sat back on his chest, holding my open palm over his face, lightning dancing between my fingers.

“Damn, a tie,” Isabela huffed. I looked puzzled for a moment before I realized the tip of his sword was pressing right beneath my ribs.

“ _Dammit_ ,” I swore.

“Sorry, love,” he said with a smirk. “I've still got you.” I climbed off of him, teasingly sliding my sex just over his face. He nipped at my thigh and hauled himself up.

“Nice!” my twin cheered. I bowed and walked over, hugging him tightly. Madison hugged me back, sighing into my shoulder.

“You give the best hugs,” he said.

“So do you,” I told him. We pulled away from each other and I saw his eyes slowly trail over Cullen, Garrett, and Isabela before returning to me, a teasing grin on his lips and his brow quirked.

“How do you know that?!” I exclaimed, making everyone look at me curiously.

“I'm your twin,” he replied.

“I missed something,” Isabela said.

“It's a twin thing,” My father, Garrett and Cullen all said at once.

“So?” Madison asked.

“You know,” I said with a slow shrug, my gaze moving to the floor before rising and meeting his.

“Ah,” he said, nodding in understanding.

“This is weird to watch,” Isabela said. “I...they're communicating but...no words. What the fuck?”

“I've given up on trying to understand them,” Garrett said. 

“I sometimes catch the meaning,” Cullen said. “But I've watched them do this since they arrived.”

“I find it fascinating,” Solas hummed. “They are connected in a way that few people ever are, to the point that they do not require words to communicate. They just know the other person.”

I rolled my eyes and nodded behind me, making Madison laugh and nod his head.

“Your butt hurt?” Madison asked.

“Yeah, but no marks,” I said. “Wasn't to be marked.”

“Ah, need to get more bulked?”

“Yeah, you know I have all those gun shows to host.”

“What the fuck are they saying?” Isabela groaned. “This is so weird.”

“I bet Leliana would love to crack their code,” Cullen chuckled. “She'd use it and we'd never have an information leak.”

“So, will you be going 'Arrrr do'?” Madison questioned and I laughed.

“No,” I said. “Just friends.”

“Ahhh, gotta love them benefits.”

“Apparently they're very good.”

“I understood that,” Cullen coughed.

“Explain,” Isabela demanded.

“He was asking if she was going to be marrying you,” Cullen said. “She said you were just friends and he said he understood. Friends with sex.”

“I....the fuck,” Isabela sighed. “How do they make words not sound like words.”

“We're butt hole kissing good,” I said without missing a beat. The three collapsed, laughing while looking at me utterly confused. Solas had his head tilted back as he leaned against the fence, his hand over his eyes and his head shaking back and forth.

“Oh for the love...really, my daughter?” he groaned. I smiled unabashedly at him, walking over and hugging him. His free arm wrapped around my waist while his other hand remained to hide his face.

“Oh, just laugh, Papa,” I said sweetly. He chuckled, looking down at me between his fingers.

“How did I produce such a strange child?” he asked.

“Strange _children_ ,” I corrected. “Madison was the one who told me it.”

“Oh for...I give up,” he sighed, throwing his hands in the air. I snickered, snuggling against his chest.

“You're just a lucky guy, Dad,” Madison said with a smile.

“Indeed,” our father replied, his lips quirked. I pulled away from him, running out into the yard and flopping back on the grass.

“What are you doing?” Cullen asked.

“Getting some sun!” I said. “I look like a ghost!”

“Baby, you're gonna burn,” Garrett laughed. “You always burn in the sun.”

“I won't stay out that long!” I said. “Just let me get some sun!”

“Vampire's don't tan!” Madison said.

“And evil doesn't get sick, yet here I am!”

“Hey, evil doesn't _die_! You've _proved_ that!” my twin laughed.

“Yeeees,” I cackled. “I shall live forever! Muwahahahahaha!”

“Oh Maker, what are they talking about now?” Isabela huffed.

“Shit if I know,” Garret chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff with our mismatched family. Only 16 chapters left! The Exalted Council 'arch' (I guess that's what you would call it) is coming up soon! What will happen? How will it go? Stay tuned to find out!


	125. Love Me Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING!**   
>  Sex, dirty talk, restraints, light BDSM and other things.
> 
> Last Chapter for Today! Thank you guys for your patience! Here's a little smut!

Garrett picked me up and tossed me on the bed. I giggled, opening my arms to him. The kids were off doing their own thing while Emilia napped. Cullen was doing paperwork, trying to catch up to the things he had missed while we were in Kirkwall. Isabela was at the tavern playing cards with Varric and Madison. It had been a long time since it had just been Garrett and me. I loved Cullen, more than anything, but there were times I liked it to just be Garrett and me, just as sometimes I wanted the commander all to myself. My husband pounced on me, tearing my clothes off as he frantically kissed me. I tugged at his own garments, cursing when a button from his shirt went flying.

“Mmm, that's right, baby,” he teased against my lips. “Just tear them all off. I'm gonna fuck you until you can't walk.”

“Please do,” I purred. I was pushed back on the bed, a black head of hair ducking between my legs. I cried out as Garrett pushed his tongue inside me, moaning. I thrashed and he pulled back, grabbing my arms and pinning me to the bed.

“Listen here, baby,” he growled, biting at my neck. “ _I'm_ in charge. You're going to do what I say, so stop fighting me and let me lick you.”

“Noooo,” I whined. “No licking.”

“Yes,” he hissed. “Behave or I'll tie you down.”

“ _Yes_ ,” I gasped. “Tie me down.” He chuckled and stood, going over to our box of sex toys and pulling out the cuffs. I squirmed in anticipation, watching him climb back on the bed and fasten the leather around my wrist. He bent over, grabbing the strap tucked under the bed and hooking it to my wrist before doing the same to the other one. I pulled at them lightly, testing their limits. It wasn't much give and my arms were stretched out on either side of me, my body forming a T.

“Better?” Garrett asked. I nodded, chewing on my lower lip. He smirked and ducked back between my legs, trailing his tongue along my sex so I writhed on the bed. Fingers joined his tongue and soon I was bucking my hips, desperate to climax.

“Garrett!” I begged. He pulled back, wiping his mouth on his hand as he leaned over me.

“ _What_ did you call me?” he asked. I gasped softly, looking up at him.

“Messere?” He chuckled and bent down, kissing me.

“Mmm, that's what I _thought_.” He moved his mouth to my breast, sucking on my nipples lewdly, his mouth opened wide like a starved babe. I pleaded and sobbed, begging him to let me cum, to put his cock in me.

“Beg more,” he growled, attacking my neck with his teeth. “I _love_ hearing you beg.”

“Please, fuck me. Please, I need it. I _need_ you to fuck me. Please, I need to cum. Fill my pussy.” I panted the words out, spreading my legs and bucking my hips. He rubbed his cock against my wet slit, pulling my head up and kissing me.

“You really want it?” he asked breathlessly. I moaned as the fingers of his one hand dug carefully into my jaw. 

“ _Yesss_ ,” I hissed.

“Yeah?” he asked, nodding his head rapidly, the words coming out slightly breathless. “My baby wants my cock? My good girl wants her little cunny stretched around me, stuffed full. You want this dick, baby?”

“Mmm-hmmm,” I moaned, biting my lips and slowly nodding my head.

“ _Take_ _it_ ,” he snarled, shoving himself inside me so I screamed out, my back arching. Garrett bit my neck, sucking the skin firmly to ensure it would bruise.

“Oh fuck,” I panted, bouncing my hips off the bed. “Please.”

“Please what?” he asked, resting his forearm beside my head for support as his other hand gripped my hip. I flicked my tongue against his lips as they hovered over mine, golden eyes staring into mine.

“Fuck me,” I keened, tightening my muscles around him. He groaned and pulled back, setting a brutal pace that had me struggling beneath him, my legs wrapping around his waist. 

“Is _this_ what you want?” he asked, grinding his hips against mine to tease me.

“Fuck, _yes_ ,” I moaned.

“Are you gonna take my cock like a good girl?” he asked and I shivered.

“Yes,” I stammered. He began thrusting his hips hard, watching me intently as my mouth fell open.

“Then take it, fucking slut,” he sneered between gritted teeth. “Take it and cum on it.” I arched my back, letting out a keening wail as I climaxed hard, jerking up into his thrusts. He let out a low groan, spilling inside of me. His shoulders heaved as he panted, his grip on me slowly relaxing.

“Oh _Maker_ ,” he gasped. “Oh _shit_ , that felt good.” I moaned softly in agreement, laying bonelessly on the bed. He reached over, undoing the buckles and pulling my wrists to his lips.  I shivered as he softened and slipped from me, a trickle of seed falling out. 

“I love you,” he said, kissing my hands. I smiled up at him.

“I love you, too,” I replied. He smiled at me lovingly, his fingers trailing through my hair.

“I'm so lucky.”

“Or you have the worst luck ever and you're just too dumb to know it,” I teased. He slapped my bum playfully, his brows drawing down in a scowl even as he smirked.

“Behave,” he chastised. “I mean it. I _adore_ you. You have no idea how much. And you're so _amazing_ that, not only have you given me an adorable little kid, but you let me bring someone else into our lives that we _both_ worship.”

“I could say the same,” I said, trailing my finger down the bridge of his nose. He smirked and roll to the side, pulling me against his chest.

“You mean because you loved him before I let him fuck you?” Garrett asked.

“You knew, huh?” I looked up at him, a grin tugging at my lips.

“Pffft, I saw you two before you went off to fight Coreypheus. In the little altar room by the gate. I knew what you were thinking. He probably did too.”

“That obvious?” I questioned.

“Just then,” he said. “Right then. Otherwise, you hid it.”

“I still loved you,” I said. “Well, I do love you. I've never stopped.”

“Shh, I know,” he said, taking my hand. “I know I've always had your heart. I still do. The way you look at me sometimes... _mmmm_. Not words for it.” I giggled, kissing his Adam's apple. Emilia let out a wail and Garrett groaned.

“Perfect timing,” he huffed and stood, pulling on some loose pants and padding over to where she lay. I watched him pick the babe up, holding her against his chest.

“You know, you're always at Mamae's tits and I'm starting to get a little jealous.”

“Oh hush,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Don't give her a complex.”

“I think we're a little late for that,” Garrett laughed, handing the child to me. I watched Emilia latch onto my nipple, blue eyes staring up at me with her brow drawn in a familiar scowl.

“Oh god, that's a Cullen look!” I said, pointing. “Oh shit, look at her!” Garrett moved forward, twisting to look at Emilia's face. He laughed, a wide grin spreading over his face.

“Oh yes, it is! Oh _boy_ , you are _definitely_ your Papa's kid!” I giggled, looking over as the door opened and said man came walking in.

“Man, it _reeks_ of sex in here. What are you two grinning at?”

“You're daughter, man,” Garrett crowed. “She's scowling just like you do!” Cullen frowned, strolling towards the bed.

“I seriously doubt...oh _Maker_ , she _is_.” Emilia looked at her Papa, brows still pulled down.

“Oh, _princess_ , don't scowl like that,” Cullen groaned. “You're too cute for that.”

“She's cuter doing it!” Garrett laughed. “Look at you looking like your Papa. You're going to be a little Cullen and I will find it _endlessly_ hilarious.”

“I bet you're going to get her to mimic me,” Cullen grumbled.

“Naturally,” Garrett purred.

“Ass.”

“I love you, too.”

“You are _both_ retarded,” I laughed. “Now behave before you give my daughter more issues than she already has.”

“Hey!” Cullen cried.

“Yeah!” Garrett huffed. “Our baby, too.”

“I did all the fucking work!” I argued.

“No fighting!” Malcolm cried, running into the room. “Play nice! Love each other!” We all turned to the little boy before falling back laughing. Malcolm stood there, glaring at us, his cherubs face not intimidating in the slightest.

“Come here, pup,” Cullen laughed, holding out his arms. Malcolm crawled into Cullen lap, looking up at him.

“We're not fighting, pup,” he assured. “We're just joking.”

“Ok, okay. Good. Don't want you to fight.”

“Nah, we're just playing,” Garrett said, leaning over and kissing his son's forehead.

“We never really do fight,” I mused. “We've had disagreements, but it's very rare for us to actually fight.”

“Probably because we're all fucking thirty instead of fresh out of diapers like a lot of couples,” Garrett said.

“Ugh, don't remind me,” I said.

“What are you complaining about?” Garrett asked. “You look _gorgeous_. We look like old men.”

“Yeah right,” I said sarcastically. “Though I do think you'd be really hot with some salt and pepper right here.” I brushed my fingers over his temples. “And Cullen with white hair...ooooo....”

“You're such a perv,” Garrett laughed.

“Mmm, my battle scared men,” I drooled. Cullen rolled his eyes, smiling.

“Speaking of hair,” Garrett said, running his fingers through his locks which were starting to brush his chin. “I need a cut, baby.”

“I'll do it after Emilia's done,” I said.

“Me too,” Cullen said, running his fingers through the long mess of loose curls.

“No way,” I said. “You're keeping that. You look _so_ dashing.” Cullen turned and looked at himself in the mirror, considering it.

“Can you trim it up, at least?” 

“Sure,” I said, putting Emilia over my shoulder.


	126. Scream For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING!**  
>  Psuedo-rape/rape play, forced, dub-con, toys, dirty talk. (They're playing rape, mmmkay?)

I screamed as Isabela slammed into me, pushing me further over the back of the couch as she rolled her hips. She wore her favorite strap-on, moaning at the ridged along the belt rubbed her clit. She gripped a handful of my hair, jerking my head back as she leaned over me.

“You like that, _slut_?” she asked, smacking my upturned ass. “You like that cock?”

“Yes!” I sobbed, clawing at the cushions for purchase.

“You love being filled, don't you, whore?” she snarled in my ear. “You love being my little fuck toy, don't you?”

“ _Yes_!”

“ _Say_ it, you fucking whore.” She landed another hard smack on my bottom and I keened.

“I love being your fuck toy!” I wailed. “Please, please, _please_!”

“Please _what_ , slut?”

“More!” I begged. She laughed cruelly, biting on my neck

“Your little asshole is empty,” she mused, pulling free from me. I sobbed at the loss, spreading my legs wider and arching my back.

“No, fill me,” I whimpered.

“Just wait, slut.” she walked over to the toy chest, retrieving a plug with a fluffy little bunny tail on the end and the bottle of oil. I watched her coat the toy in oil before coming back to me and spreading my cheeks. Ever so slowly she eased the toy into me, waiting while I adjusted to it. When it was fully seated it me, the little fluff ball resting between my plump cheeks, she pushed the strap on back inside me.

“Mmm, now that's a pretty sight,” she purred. “Look at you, both holes stuffed and you still want more. Such a little whore.”

“Iz, _please_!”

“ _Beg_ me, kitten,” she snarled, gripping my hair again and pilling my head back. She bit my earlobe, giving short, shallow thrusts. “Beg me for my cock. Beg me to fuck you.”

“Shit, what did I walk in on?” came Garrett's breathless voice.

“I'm fucking _raping_ your wife,” Isabela snarled. Garrett smirked.

“Are we playing 'unwilling victim'?” he asked. Isabela stopped and looked at him curiously.

“What is that?” she asked.

“You never told her?” Garrett questioned, surprised.

“I...I thought...she wouldn't...want to...” I panted.

“Ahh, well,” Garret hummed, pulling his shirt over his head. “She likes when Cullen or I sneak into bed and basically pretend to rape her. We force her to orgasm while she fights us and begs us to stop. I pretend to be the evil Champion who can't resist her, who sneaks into her room night after night and takes her while I tell her she's all mine. Cullen is the corrupt 'Commander'. They used to share a room, so they pretend they do again and he fucks her, telling her he can't hold back anymore.”

“You like when they do that?” Isabela asked, rolling her hips slowly. I blushed and nodded.

“I...yes,” I whimpered. She bent over me, trailing her lips gently along my neck.

“Should I do that to you?” she asked in a soft voice. “Do you want me to force you to climax?” My breath quickened and I nodded.

“Y-yes,” I stammered. “Please.”

“I'll try,” she said, kissing my shoulder. She pulled herself free of me and took a step back. “Want to help me, Gar?” He chuckled.

“Should I make it so you walk in while I'm finishing brutalizing the Seer?” he asked.

“Mmm, yes,” she purred. “That sounds nice.” She stepped back and Garrett grabbed me, lifting me easily into his arms. He walked over to the chair, arranging me so I was straddling his lap before pulling me down so his cock teased my opening.

“Do you want it, Seer?” he asked, falling easily into his role.

“No,” I gasped, pushing at his chest so he tightened his grip on my arms. “Leave me alone, Hawke. Please.” He pouted at me playfully, pulling me closer.

“Don't you want more of my babies, Seer?” he purred. “I thought we'd moved past this little _resistance_ of yours.” He tugged me forward, wrapping his lips around my nipple and sucking. He moaned, pulling me closer as he drank my milk, hands rubbing my back.

“No, Emilia...”

“I'm not stealing all the baby's milk,” he cooed around his mouthful, pushing my hips down slowly. I gasped as his hot cock filled me, the warmth making me tremble.

“Maker, yes,” Garrett moaned around my breast. “You fight me, but you love it.” He released my breast, moving his lips to my neck.

“A little birdy told me the Commander has been fucking you,” he growled. “Did I give you permission to fuck someone else?” He gripped my hair tightly as he continued to suckle and I cried out.

“N-No!” I panted. “I didn't...ahn! He won't stop!” Garrett lifted me, forcing me to bounce on his cock, his fingers digging into my hips.

“Is this little pussy getting violated by the Commander?” he murmured, slapping my clit as he pulled back from my breast.

“Yes!”

“If you weren't such a little tease, maybe he wouldn't,” Garrett snarled. “Three children and you're still so _fucking_ sexy.” He rose, his cock still lodged inside me and spun us, pressing me back into the chair, my back curled so he could access my hips. He gripped the back of the chair and began fucking me hard, bending his legs to get the perfect height.

“Maybe next time...the Commander takes you...ah!...I'll come help him! _Fuck_ , you feel good.” I screamed, clawing at his chest and writhing.

“Please, please stop! Don't! Don't do this,” I begged. One hand dropped from the back of the chair, rubbing my clit in slow circles as his cock continued to pound into me.

“No, I'm gonna...”

“Yes, cum!” Garrett growled, teeth bared. “ _Cum_ for me, Seer. Maker, I need you to cum.” I did as he said, orgasming around him. He snarled wordlessly, crashing his mouth into mine as he shot his load inside me.

“Well, well,” Isabela purred. “What do we have here?”

“Just making sure the Seer knows her place,” Garrett panted, grinding his half hard cock into me. I covered my face with my hands, pretending to be embarrassed at being caught.

“What is her place?” Isabela asked, walking over to the chair. She had pulled her breeches back on but they hung open, the toy protruding obscenely. She lazily stroked it, watching Garrett grind his cock into me.

“Between my legs,” Garrett spat.

“Would you mind if I got a little taste?” Isabela hummed.

“No!” I gasped. Garrett slapped my thigh hard, his other hand coming around my neck.

“You don't get a say in this, my sweet,” he sneered, pulling out of me. “She's all your's Iz. Maybe it will show her who's _really_ in control." Isabela moved between my legs, pushing them open wide and eyeing my slit.

“Maker, Hawke,” she grumbled. “You really made a mess.”

“I like when she's a mess,” Garrett said, kneeling beside the chair so his face was level with mine. He folded his arms on the arm of the chair, watching me intently as Isabela pushed the toy into me. She slowly began fucking me, gripping my biceps to hold me down as I thrashed.

“Stop!” I cried. “Please! Hawke! Don't do this! Please stop!”

“Just relax, Seer,” he cooed. “Just take it like a good girl.” Isabela's thrusts sped up and she moaned as the toy rubbed her. She pulled out of me suddenly, jerking me to my feet and bending me over the arm of the chair opposite the one Garrett knelt beside. She quickly filled me again, thrusting erratically, her hips slapping against mine.

“Shit,” she swore, gripping my hips tightly, her nails digging into my skin. “She feels so good.”

“ _Fuck_ , her expression is so hot,” Garrett groaned, leaning forward and seizing my lips in a demanding kiss. “That's it. Take her, Seer. When she's done, maybe we'll get the Commander to fuck you. I wonder how many times we can make you cum.”

“No, please!” I gasped against his lips. “Hawke, please. Don't do this. I had your _baby_. Please.”

“You did,” he said in a praising tone, his hand stroking my cheek. “You were _such_ a good girl, letting me knock you up. But now we need to get you pregnant again.”

“Ahn! Hawke, please, please, please. Make her stop!” I sobbed against him, bucking back against Isabela as she plowed into me, my feet sliding on the floor, seeking purchase.

“Shit, I'm going to finish,” Isabela swore. “Dammit, Seer. You feel too good, you little slut.” She delivered a punishing slap to my rump and I arched my back sharply.

“Yes, that's it, love,” Garrett cooed, reaching down between my legs and rubbing my clit. “Cum for us.” I wailed as I orgasmed, my channel clamping harshly around the toy. Isabela groaned, grinding desperately into me as she climaxed. I collapsed over the arm of the chair, panting against the cushion. Isabela pulled back, dropping to the nearby couch while Garrett petted my hair.

“How do you feel?” my husband asked me.

“Fucked,” I sighed. Garrett chuckled darkly and I looked up to see him staring at something behind me. Before I could turn, calloused hands grabbed my hips and a hard cock slid inside me. A muscled body bent over mine and lips brushed my ear.

“My turn,” Cullen purred, massaging my breast. “I don't remember letting you out of the room, especially not to have the Champion and the Pirate fuck you.”

“I'm sorry!” I wailed, my over sensitive body thrashing against the chair. “Please, don't! I can't take anymore! Commander!”

“Do as I say, Seer,” he growled, biting my ear. “My men have been complaining I'm foul-tempered and we both know the only way to cure that is to take my little Seer.” I gasped, climaxing again and Cullen fisted my hair, jerking me back.

“I didn't tell you to cum,” he hissed.

“I'm sorry!” I wailed, his hips slamming into mine brutally.

“Beg me, Seer,” he spat, his hand gripping my throat firmly. “Beg me to stop. Beg me to let you go. Beg me not to take you.”

“Fuck, this is hot,” Isabela panted.

“Please, Commander,” I whimpered. “I thought we were friends. I thought you loved me. Don't do this to me. Don't cum in me. Don't hurt me. Please.”

“I do love you, Seer,” he moaned. “It's why I can't stop. It's why I need you.”

“No! Please! No more!”

“Yes,” he purred. “More, my little desire demon. So much more.”

“Desire...nnn....demon?”

“Yes,” he groaned in my ear. “My desire demon. The one who seduces me, who plays on my wants and tempts me so well. You give me everything I want.”

“Please, Commander,” I sobbed. “No more.”

“Yes. _More_. I still haven't finished. I need your cunny. I need to finish inside you.” He moaned, his hips moving faster as he gripped me tightly. I knew I would have bruises on my hips from the three of them and relished the thought of the circular marks dotting my hips.

“Fuck, I'm going to finish,” Cullen hissed in my ear. “Cum for me, Seer. Cum while I fill your cunny.” I screamed, orgasming violently, my entire body trembling and my vision going dark. Gentle hands caught me, soothing me through the last of the tremors. Cullen pulled out of me, lifting me up and plopping down in the chair with me draped over his lap. I curled against him, gasping for air.

“That was so sexy,” Isabela moaned, kneeling between Cullen's legs and kissing me hotly. I mewled, shying away when she gripped my breast.

“No more,” I begged. “Too tired.”

“We wore you out, did we?” Garrett laughed, kissing my shoulder. I nodded and relaxed, enjoying the hands caressing me.

“I love you, Kitten,” Isabela sighed, resting her cheek against my thigh. “Thank you for letting us do depraved things to you.” I giggled, running my fingers through her dark hair, admiring the contrast of her dark features against mine.

“I love you, too,” I said. “Thanks for not being weirded out by my need for depravity.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, you guys are the tits!  
> For those who don't know, I have a Tumblr for this story (well, it'll be for both stories) [HERE](https://bunny-mommy.tumblr.com/)  
> As I work on my other story, I'll post little snippets to it for you guys to judge. It is rated as explicit, so you do need to have a Tumblr account. Sorry but if I don't, it get's taken down.


	127. It's Our Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _words_ =Elvish

Isabela pulled me into a tight hug, her face in my hair. I returned it, whimpering softly.  
  
“Now, now, Kitten,” she cooed, pulling back and tilting my chin back. “None of that. You'll see me in a few months.”  
  
“I'll miss you,” I said, hugging her again. She was silent for a moment before letting out a sigh, the teasing edge to her voice leaving.  
  
“I'll miss you, too, darling,” she sighed. She kissed me, holding her hat in such a way it blocked other's view of us. I pulled away and watched her bid Garrett and Cullen farewell with back thumping hugs. She pressed kisses to the kids' cheeks, then turned and mounted her horse. She rode off across the bridge, waving to us until she was out of sight. I turned to my kids, smiling when Emilia reached for me. She was getting so big so fast, it was hard to believe just a month ago she hardly moved and slept all the time. Her eyes were large and sparkled and her red hair had faded to blond but kept the wild curl.  
  
I noticed one thing about the birth of Emilia. It meant that those around Skyhold we were close to, knew about our relationship. It seemed to be what my twin had called 'a Hogwarts secret'. It was something private between us that everybody knew. Any nobles who asked about it were laughed off. Even King Alistair had stared at Emilia's cherub-like face with a curious look to Cullen as the Commander held his daughter.  
  
“The Rumor Mill says this is your daughter, Commander,” the king had said, tracing her button nose with his finger.  
  
“She is,” Garrett had said. “Emilia Marilyn Rutherford.” Alistair had stared at the mage before his gaze flitted to me. I gave him a serene smile but remained silent.  
  
“Well, she's beautiful,” Alistair said, turning his gaze to her again. His bronze eyes were tender and wanting.  
  
“My council has been badgering me to have a child,” he said. “I'm really starting to reconsider it.”  
  
“It certainly changes your life,” Cullen said, pressing a kiss to Emilia's cheek. Alistair quirked a brow at this and he looked at Cullen.  
  
“Do I want to know what's going on?” he asked.  
  
“Do you?” I asked.  
  
“Part of me is very curious,” Alistair admitted. “The other part thinks I shouldn't ask too many questions.”  
  
“Let's just say that Ser Cullen is very dear to our family,” Garrett said, putting an arm around the Commander's shoulders. Cullen shifted Emilia to one arm and slung his free arm around Garrett's waist, his hand resting on his hip.  
  
“Well, I hope it makes you happy,” Alistair said. “Now, gimme that baby.” Cullen laughed and handed the child to the king who cooed at her as she giggled. I watched the king become completely twisted around the child's finger, his expression tender.  
  
“You make some beautiful baby's, Madam Seer,” he said.  
  
“Thank you, your majesty,” I said. “I am a very lucky woman.”  
  
“I heard the Inquisitor is now officially a 'Hawke',” Alistair commented, tucking a yawning Emilia into his elbow.  
  
“Yup!” Garrett said proudly. “He's officially our son! He also carries the 'Amell' title.”  
  
“An elven noble,” Alistair mused. “I bet that will cause some upturned noses in Kirkwall.”  
  
“It has, I told them to shut it,” Garrett said with a grin. “He's my boy and if they mess with him, they'll have to answer to me.”  
  
“Awwwe, Babae,” Gethorn said, throwing his arms around the man's neck. Garrett grinned and hugged the elf tightly.  
  
“Nobody messes with my family,” Garrett said.  
  
“Speaking of which,” I said. “I'm surprised Carver hasn't come around. You'd think he'd want to see his niece and nephew.”  
  
“He's been busy,” Garrett said, running his fingers through Gethorn's hair. “But he said he'd try to come by soon.”  
  
It seemed no matter what, Carver and Garrett were always going to have a strained relationship. I had tried to bridge the gap, but it was no use and eventually, I just gave up.  
I now turned to where Solas was instructing Malcolm on how to make a fireball, the magic dancing between my son's fingers.  
  
“Think Emilia will be a mage?” Cullen asked suddenly.  
  
“I don't know,” I said. “Maybe. She might. I'm a mage, Solas is a mage, my mother was a mage. Do you not want her to be?”  
  
“I suppose I haven't given it much thought,” Cullen admitted. “I'll love her no matter what, but I'm not sure how to deal with a mage child.”  
  
“The same way you've dealt with Malcolm,” I said.  
  
“I've just let you and Garrett deal with the magic aspect of his life,” Cullen chuckled.  
  
“Yup, that's what we'll do with Emilia,” I said. “You just teach her how to fight Templar's.” I looked over at my husband as he stared down at the babe in Alistair's arms.  
  
“We've accumulated a village to help raise our children,” Garrett laughed.  
  
“Yes,” Cullen agreed. “I think the only reason Emilia isn't stolen as much as Malcolm was is she's less happy about it.”  
  
“She's a Mamae's girl and there's nothing wrong with that,” I said.  
  
“Who says she doesn't get stolen?” came Bull's great booming voice. “I'm coming for her now. Where's my girl? Hand her over!”  
  
“She's my daughter,” Cullen complained.  
  
“And you get her all the time,” Bull said, holding out his massive hands. “Now gimme that baby. It's time for some roughhousing.” Alistair tilted his head back, eyeing the massive Qunari before looking at me. I nodded, letting him know it was fine.  
  
“I wana rough house!” Malcolm cried, dashing to Bull's side as Solas rolled his eyes.  
  
“Well come on,” Bull said, lifting Emilia into his arms. The babe stared at him for a long time before looking back to us.  
  
“Your daughter might be too prissy to play,” Garrett teased Cullen.  
  
“Nonsense,” Bull chuckled. Emilia stared at the Qunari for a moment before she giggled and reached for his horns. I watched Bull scoop up Malcolm in his other arm, the boy giving the mercenary a headbutt that had him crowing in delight.  
  
“You're getting good at that!” Bull praised, strolling off with my children to where the Charger's were waiting, eager for some horseplay.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" Alistair asked. "It's been a long time since I've gotten to goof off."  
  
"The more the merrier!" Bull declared and Alistair followed, Cullen, Garrett, and Gethorn going to join them as well. Solas moved to my side, chuckling as he did so.  
  
“ _This world is beautiful_ ,” I sighed. He was silent for a long moment before he nodded.  
  
“ _Indeed. It seems you want for nothing, my little heart._ ”  
  
 _“I could use a bigger bed_ ,” I remarked. “ _It get's crowded sometimes with the husbands and kids all climbing in._ ” My father laughed, shaking his head.  
  
 _“I suppose that is a good problem to have, my child_ ,” he said. He was silent for a long time, his gaze moving along the towers and battlements of Skyhold.  
  
“ _I wish, I had more to offer you_ ,” he said. “ _You should be a princess to our people, worshiped and revered._ ”  
  
“ _No, I shouldn't_ ,” I said, causing him to turn to me in surprise. _“I am already worshiped and revered by many as the Seer of Andraste, but the only worship I look forward to is my family's. I don't need a crown or fancy gowns or a palace. In truth, I don't want them. You look at me and see all that I should have been. But I am as I am. I don't need to be anything, I just need to be. My life is happy and I wouldn't change anything about it_.” Solas nodded his head, smirking.  
  
“ _I suppose you are right_ ,” he said. “ _I forget that you may be my daughter, but you are not me. You do not see things as I do. If you are happy, then that is all I could ask._ ” I reached out, taking my father's hand in mine and smiling up at him. I looked over and saw Madison sitting on the stairs with Josephine perched in his lap, his hand rubbing her back as they talked.  
  
" _Madison seems better,_ " I remarked. " _I was worried he was getting sick. He's been kind of lethargic lately_." My father was silent and I looked at him, seeing the concern in his eyes.  
  
" _What_?" I asked. _"What is it?_ "  
  
" _I would rather not sa_ y," he sighed.  
  
" _Babae_ ," I said firmly. " _Tell me_." Solas was silent, lips tight and brow pulled down.  
  
" _You are recovering,_ " he said idly.  
  
" _What does that have to do with anything_?"  
  
" _Your brother must recover as wel_ l."  
  
" _Babae, I don't understand_."  
  
Solas sighed and motioned for me to follow him, guiding me to a more secluded area of the courtyard. He seemed anxious and I knew I wasn't going to like whatever he had to say.  
  
" _You and your brother are connected, far more deeply than you realize_ ," he said. " _Do you remember when you were in Kirkwall while you were pregnant and were having nightmares?_ "  
  
" _How could I forget_?" I asked with a sigh. " _That stupid fucking demon._ "  
  
" _It wasn't just your Lyrium withdrawal or the pregnancy,_ " he said. " _Part of the reason you were so weak was his absence._ "  
  
" _I don't understand,_ " I said.  
  
" _You and your brother share a life force_."  
  
" _Wh-...What does that mean?_ " My voice was breathless as fear spiked in me at the implications.  
  
" _The further apart you are, the more drained you become,_ " he explained.  
  
" _I don't understand,_ " I said. " _We've been apart for years._ "  
  
" _Magic was lacking in the world you came from, wasn't it?_ " he asked and I nodded. " _But you still felt a certain...emptyness, didn't you?_ "  
  
I thought for a moment. It was true. I had always felt like something was...missing. When I had met Madison, that feeling had slowly ebbed. I had just thought it was because of us being such good friends and understanding each other, but it seemed there was more to it. I nodded to my father and he leaned against the wall.  
  
"B _eing here, in this world where you belong, where you have your magic, it has strengthened that bond. It is why I started having you a Madison meet in your dreams. He was just as affected as you were. He wasn't sleeping well, was barely eating. You two need each other._ " I nodded in understanding. Something occurred to me and I looked at my father, panicked.  
  
" _What...what would have happened if I had died?_ " I asked, urgently. My father looked at me sadly and I could see tears swimming in his blue eyes. He kept his lips pressed tightly together, unwilling to answer me.  
  
" _Babae! Tell me!_ "  
  
" _When you were ill...the only thing that kept you tethered to this world was Madison,"_ he said softly. _"It is why he was so lethargic while you were sick. He was using his magic and energy to keep you here._ "  
  
" _Does he...did he...?_ "  
  
" _No_ ," my father said. " _He didn't know he was doing it. He was aware something was amiss but didn't understand the extent. It is why he slept so much, why he had to be around you._ "  
  
 _"What would have happened if I died?"_ I repeated breathlessly.  
  
" _There are many possibilities_ ," he said evasively.  
  
" _Babae! Tell me!_ "  
  
" _He may have died himself, unable to fight the pull of death,_ " Solas said. "He was already weak, so this would have been the likely outcome..." My father's voice caught and I could tell he was trying to hide his emotions. " _If he had been able to fight...he would have lived a half-life. He would never feel whole again and would have to constantly fight the urge to join you, to succumb to his depression..._ "  
  
" _Would he have survived?_ " I asked. Solas swallowed thickly, a tear spilling down his cheek.  
  
" _For a time, perhaps_ ," he said and his voice was hoarse. _"But in the end...no..._ " I felt like I had been doused in ice water. I looked to where my brother still sat, laughing at something Josephine was saying. He took her hand, pressing his lips to the back of it and closing his eyes in contentment.  
  
" _What would happen if he died?"_ I asked.  
  
" _The same_ ," my father replied. " _You may be able to survive longer since you are stronger magically than he is, but eventually you wouldn't be able to fight the pull to join him_."  
  
" _Papa_ ," I breathed, reaching out for him. He took my hand, pressing a kiss to my fingers as tears spilled down his cheeks.  
  
" _If I lost one of you...it would only be a matter of time before I lost the other,_ " he said, his breath catching. I wrapped my arms around my father and he pressed his face into my neck, weeping. His fingers dug into my back and his shoulders shook.  
  
" _There is no way you could have saved Madison?_ " I asked. Solas gave a hiccup and pressed his face to my neck harder.  
  
" _If I brought the veil down..._ " he said, his voice shaking. " _It would restore your immortality. It would have been the only chance. But even that would just be prolonging the inevitable._ "  
  
" _I'm sorry, Papa,_ " I whimpered.  
  
" _Please_ ," he begged, pulling back and cupping my cheeks. " _You are all I have left. You and Madison are....you're everything to me. Don't do such reckless, foolish things anymore. I wish to spend as much time with you as I can. Your lives are already so short. Do not shorten them further._ "  
  
" _I'll try not to_ ," I said, reaching up and stroking his wet cheek. He smiled and pulled me forward, pressing a kiss to my brow before brushing his lips across my eyes.  
  
" _My beautiful daughter_ ," he said. _"You will never fully understand the value of your life to so many people."_ I smiled, nuzzling his palm as I basked in the paternal affection he offered. I wondered what it would have been like if Mythal had never been slain and my father had been able to raise my brother and I. How different would our lives have been? Would I have ever met Garrett or Cullen or Gethorn? Would I be a pampered Elvhen princess, wielding magics the Magister's of Tevinter had only ever dreamed of? Would I have been made a Goddess by my people just as the Evanuris were?  
In truth, the idea held very little appeal to me. I like my life now. I loved my family and friends. I wouldn't trade what I had for all the money, power and status in the world.  
  
" _Can I help Madison heal?_ " I asked suddenly.  
  
" _You can_ ," my father said, pulling back and wiping at his face. " _Being around him, physically touching him can reaffirm your bond and allow you to return some of your shared life force to him._ "  
  
" _Cuddle my bother, got it_ ," I said with a grin. Solas smiled and pressed another kiss to my brow.  
  
 _"Go then, my little heart,_ " he said, nodding to where Madison sat on the stairs, Josephine pressing kisses to his cheeks. I turned and made my way over to my brother, grinning when he hailed to me.  
  
"How's it going, sis?" he asked.  
  
"Great," I said, easing myself down beside him. He smiled at me, looping his free arm around my shoulders and pulling me to his chest beside Josephine.  
  
"Is Dad all right?" he asked. "It looked like he was crying."  
  
"We were just talking about how I almost died," I said easily.  
  
"Ahhh," Madison hummed. "Yeah, don't do that again."  
  
"I'll try," I said. Josephine rested her head on Madison's shoulder and I smiled at her. Her hazel eyes moved to where Solas was watching Malcolm scale Cullen while Emilia curled against Bull's massive chest. Garrett was throwing mud at Krem who tried to hide behind Dalish. Emilia fussed when Stitches tried to take her from Bull, gripping his harness and wailing.  
  
"Oi, who's making my princess cry?" Garrett asked, his head turning sharply.  
  
"I just wanted to hold her," Stitches grumbled, pulling his hands back.  
  
"Mila doesn't like new people," Malcolm said, jumping off his Papa's back and landing in the dirt with a grunt. "You gotta do it like dis!" He scrambled over, and reach for Emilia. Bull knelt down, watching as Malcolm petted his sister's hair, heedless of the dirt he was smearing on her.  
  
"That's Unka Stitches, Mila," the toddler said. "He's nice. He smells like Elfroot, like Baela." Malcolm nodded to Stitches who mimicked his movements, stroking his fingers along the babe's brow. Emilia eventually let the healer take her, snuffling against his chest.  
  
"She's a right picky babe, eh?" Dalish asked with a smirk. "Not like our Malcolm."  
  
"She's just scared," Malcolm said as Dalish hefted him into her arms.  
  
"Nothing wrong with being a bit picky," Skinner defended, leaning over Emilia. My daughter stared at the elf before reaching out and grabbing her nose. Skinner giggled, kissing Emilia's tiny fingers.  
  
"Is it terrible or glorious that The Charger's are completely wrapped around my children's fingers?" I asked, watching Dalish cover my sons face with kisses while he shrieked with laughter.  
  
"I think it's fan-fucking-tastic," Madison laughed. "Who wouldn't want their kids hanging around The Chargers?"  
  
"You two need to hurry up and have a kid so they can get the same wonderful experience," I teased. Josephine blushed and Madison gave me a little playful shake.  
  
"We'll think about it," he chuckled. "We should probably get married first. Don't want Josephine having to wear a maternity dress for our wedding."  
  
"Meh, I've done it," I said. "Twice, actually." Madison turned his head, brushing a kiss over my brow and I smiled.  
  
"Is it true then?" Josephine asked. "You and Ser Hawke really married the Commander? Varric wasn't just making up stories?"  
  
"Nope," I said. "All true."  
  
"Is it hard having two lovers?" the Antivan asked, her fingers skimming along Madison's chest.  
  
"Not at all," I said. "But our relationship kind of developed over time, so it was easy for us to just slip into being lovers."  
  
"Well I feel like a pimp with two beautiful women in my arms," Madison chuckled.  
  
"I'm your twin sister you moron," I said, smacking his stomach lightly.  
  
"My beautiful sister," he said.  
  
"Ew," I groaned and he laughed.  
  
"You two didn't always know you were twins, correct?" Josephine asked.  
  
"That's right," Madison said.  
  
"Did you ever...you know..." she gave a small smirk, her hazel gaze cutting to me.  
  
"We tried once," I said. "His wife wanted a threesome, but..."  
  
"It was the most awkward thing ever," Madison grumbled. "I've got these two hot women in my bed, we've all been smoking pot, we're all raring to go and I start trying to do stuff with Michelle. I get my hand between her legs and it's like I'm trying to finger my mother or something. It just felt really wrong. I tried kissing her and that was worse. Eventually, we just stopped trying and turned our attention to Jin-Lee."  
  
"Does it bother you that you did that?" Josephine asked.  
  
"I mean, it's gross, but we didn't know," I said with a shrug.  
  
"Is it wrong to wish to see you two together?" Josephine asked, her cheeks flushed.  
  
"No," Madison said. "Doesn't mean it's going to happen...like...eeee-ver."  
  
"Damn," Josephine huffed. I wrinkled my nose at the thought.


	128. Need You Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't remember if I posted a chapter today or not. I've been so busy. Ugh. The days are blurring together.

I looked between the two men, an eyebrow raised. Garrett was lifting little Emilia into his arms, grabbing her diapers and other necessities and shoving them into a bag.

“Our husband has some things to make up for,” Garrett said as he shouldered the bag, smirking.

“Does he?” I asked. Cullen flushed and looked away from me. 

“Yup,” Garrett chirped, walking over to us. “I'm going to sleep in his old room while you two have a lovely night.”

“You just want me pregnant again,” I teased.

“Not any time soon,” he assured. “Witherstalk is on the desk.” I tilted my head back as he kissed me, wrapping an arm around his neck while I stroked Emilia's head. She fussed a bit but settled quickly as Garrett moved to Cullen, giving him a passionate kiss.

“Have fun you two,” Garrett said, walking out of the room. I stared at the door, unsure of what to do. In truth, since I had woken, my life had been about the baby and assuring my friends I wasn't dead. I looked over at Cullen who was pouring steaming buckets of water into the tub he had pulled out from the water closet.

“Ooo, a bath,” I gushed, moving to take my clothes off.

“Wait,” he said. “Don't strip yet. Just...just wait.” I arched a brow but stopped, sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting. He picked up the bottles that hung in the caddy on the side of the tub and opened them, sniffing each one.

“What are you looking for, love?” I asked him.

“Garrett said there was rose oil,” he said, scowling.

“There was,” I chuckled. “It's gone.”

“Well shit,” he swore, standing. I watched him put his hands on his hips, a scowl on his face as he thought for a moment. Suddenly a grin pulled at his lips.

“Wait here,” he said before dashing out of the room. I laughed, shaking my head and walked over, drawing a weak glyph on the bottom of the tub to keep the water hot.   
Cullen returned several minutes later, his arms full of fragrant pink roses.

“Where did you get those?” I asked with a laugh.

“They grow like crazy by the throne room,” he said, shaking his gloved hand. “Thorny though. One got through my glove.” I smiled, taking his hand in mine and casting a healing spell. He allowed this, pressing a kiss to my brow when it was done.

“Thank you.”

I watched him tear the petals from the stems and toss them into the water, laughing.

“Why, Commander,” I cooed. “How romantic.”

“Is it really?” he asked, looking at me shyly. I paused, my hand going to my chest where my heart fluttered.

“Yes, love. It is.” He smiled and finished his task, tossing the stems over the balcony rail, saying if he didn't Malcolm's foot would find them and I agreed.

Cullen made his way over to me, hands resting on my hips as he ducked his head, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips that slowly got more demanding until I was moaning against his mouth. Calloused hands tugged at the ties of my tunic until the cloth fell open to expose my cleavage. They moved to my breeches, skimming along my hips and pulling at the leather string. I reached for him, but he seized my hands, kissing my fingers gently and shaking his head.

“No,” he said softly. I nodded and let my hands fall back to my sides, squirming as he pushed my tunic up, hands moving along my stomach. My tunic was pulled over my head and my breastband soon followed, tossed carelessly to the floor. I shivered as his fingers trailed along my spine before stopping at my breeches, pushing them and my smalls to the floor. He knelt down, hooking one hand behind my left knee and lifting it, placing a gentle kiss on my leg as he tugged the garments from my ankle. He did the same with the other leg before guiding me to the tub.

“Get in,” he said and stepped back, taking off his own clothes as I sunk into the warm rose scented water. He urged me forward with a hand on my back and slid in behind me, pulling me into his lap. I relaxed against him, enjoying the feel of his firm chest on my back as his arms came around me. He tilted my head to the side, trailing kisses along my neck and shoulder before nipping at my earlobe. I drew in a sharp breath, squirming against him. One arm crossed over my chest, his hand cupping one of my heavy breasts and kneading it carefully, his thumb rubbing the leaking nipple. The other moved down my stomach, resting lightly on my slit before his fingers parted the lips and teased my clit. I jerked my hips, gasping and pressing back into him.

“That's it,” he cooed in my ear as he teased me. I rolled my hips desperately as he slowly slid two fingers inside me, pressing against that spot that made me cry out. The water sloshed in the tub as I writhed, spilling over the edge of the tub onto the stone floor. 

“Please, Cullen,” I begged.

“What do you want?” he asked in a low voice that sent a shiver up my spine. 

“You.”

“You have me,” he teased and I groaned in frustration.

“You know what I mean!” He chuckled and pulled his fingers from me, gripping my hips and lifting me up. His legs slide between mine as he pulled my hips back and down, his cock sinking into me with an agonizing slowness. Once my hips were pressed fully to his, he pulled me back again, nipping playfully at my shoulder. I tried to begin moving but he kept me pressed down on him, a grin teasing his lips.

“No,” he said. “Just relax. Let me take care of you.”

“Then fucking take care of me,” I whimpered, grinding against him. He let out a breathy chuckle before his hand slipped back down to my clit, rubbing it in slow circles. I tossed my head back, my spine arching as he teased me, my hands tightly gripping the edge of the tub.

“Cum for me,” he murmured and I did, letting out a choked wail as I climaxed, my hips jerking wildly. I came down slowly, slumping back against him, his still hard cock remaining buried in me. I let out a low whine, looking back at him but he only smiled at me. I pulled out of his grip, standing up and spinning to face him. He looked up at me, confused, his hands hanging in the air but I only sat back down, impaling myself on him once more but this time, facing him. He chuckled, looking up at me as I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him. My breast pressed against his chest as I traced the scar on his lip with my tongue, making him groan low in his throat.

“Behave,” he chided.

“If I don't?” I asked, challenging him. A hard slap landed on my rump, the water inhibiting the movement slightly. I moaned at the spike of pain, my breath coming out quicker.

“I'm going to fuck you,” he growled, gripping my hair tightly and pulling my head back to expose my neck to his teeth. “Then I'm going to love you.” I mewled as pain and pleasure clouded my mind, harsh bites to the tender skin of my throat making me eager for more.

“But right now, you're getting a bath.” I cried out in frustration, looking down at him. Those amber eyes shone with mischief and the scar was pulled to the side as he smirked wolfishly.

“But, you're going to stay on my cock. And not cum again.”

“Fuck,” I swore, collapsing against his chest, tears beading my lashes. “I...I can't.”

“Yes you can,” he assured, fingers teasing along my spin. “Be a good girl and do as I say.” I shivered, catching my lip between my teeth.  
Cullen washed me slowly, calloused hands moving over my skin and hair as I was cleaned, that hard cock lodged inside me. Just when I would calm myself, my nipples or clit would be teased and I would be pushed so close to the edge I would plead with my husband to stop. It seemed like an eternity before I was clean and Cullen was urging me out of the now cool water. He took a towel and dried us off, guiding me to the bed.

“On the bed, on your hands and knee's,” he ordered. I did as he said, my rump pointed towards him and my back arched. I was expecting him to begin fucking me, but a stinging slap landed on my bottom, making it shake. Before I could even cry out, another landed on the opposite cheek. My arms shook with the effort to stay up as he spanked me, the harsh sound echoing in the room. When a gentle slap landed on my wet sex, I collapsed, my shoulders hitting the bed while my ass stayed up in the air.

“Up,” Cullen ordered.

“I can't,” I sobbed.

“Yes you can,” he said, gripping my ribs and helping me up. My hands pressed into the mattress as I locked my elbows. Another slap on my pussy had me spreading my legs wider.

“Please, Cullen,” I begged. “I...please. I need to cum.”

“Not yet,” he said, leaning over and kissing the side of my head. “You're doing so well, love. Just wait.” He knelt behind me, pressing his lips to my dripping sex, tongue teasing along the lips. I tried to focus on something, anything besides the feeling of him slowly exposing me with his lips. His tongue pushed inside me and I fell again, wailing as I tried not to climax, my fingers clawing at the bed covers.

“Cullen,” I sobbed.

“Not yet,” he said, flicking his tongue against my clit. Tears spilled down my cheeks as the pleasure became unbearable, my chest heaving as I fought to catch my breath. Those calloused hands gripped my rump, his tongue pushing as far as it could inside me. I could swear I heard the blanket tearing as I twisted it in my hands, needing something to hold on to. Cullen pulled back, turning me over on my back. He gave me an affectionate smile as he kissed my wet cheeks. His body bridged over mine, elbows resting on either side of my head as his cock teased my opening. One hand moved down, gripping himself and ever so slowly pressing forward until the purple cockhead pushed just inside me before returning to supporting his weight over me.

“Cum,” he breathed and slammed inside me hard, my back arching, my nails digging into his back as I did as he said, my channel clamping down around him. He began fucking me brutally, his hips almost violent as he plunged his cock into me.

“You can cum as much as you want,” he panted in my ear. I screamed and clawed at him, my feet moving from digging into his back to sliding along the bed, trying to find purchase. One orgasm rolled into another and soon I couldn't take it anymore, begging him to stop. He laughed, pulled back and fucking me harder. I screamed, the covers shredding in my grip as my back arched painfully. A hand on my throat forced me back down to the bed, cutting off my air so I gasped beneath him. Just as my vision started to dot black, it released and I sucked in lungfuls of air. Again, it pressed down and I couldn't breathe, Adrenalin flooding my system as my body fought to get oxygen. It released once more, but my rest period was brief before it was pressing down again, cutting off my scream as I climaxed again.

I awoke to his face pressed in my shoulder as he flooded my channel with seed, panting against my skin.

“Maker's breath,” he swore and I let out a hoarse chuckle. He kissed my neck, his cock still in me as his hands smoothed over my shoulders. 

“I love you, Cullen,” I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I love you, too,” he said against my neck. We lay there like that, still joined, our limbs entwined, petting and kissing.

“Cullen?” I asked, looking up at the ceiling.

“Yes, my love?” he asked, not ceasing in his task of trailing slow kisses up my arm.

“What is your biggest fantasy regarding me?” He paused, chuckling against my skin before turning his head slightly.

“I think it's already come true,” he said, his amber eyes playful.

“No new ones? No sexy things you want to do to me or have me wear or try out?” I pressed, tucking a sweaty curl back from his face. His hair had gotten long lately and he hadn't had a chance to get it cut. The curls brushed his chin, free from the leather band he had taken to using on the upper half to keep it out of his face. Cullen smirked, continuing his journey up my arm.

“A few,” he admitted.

“Do tell,” I purred, teasing the tips of my fingers down his back. “If you were trying to get off quickly, what would you think about?”

“Besides being back in the tower with you at my mercy?” He nipped at my neck, giving a slow roll of his hips.

“Mmm, yes. Besides that.”

“Taking you across the war table, dragging you off during the ball at the Winter Palace to a random room, taking our whole little family to meet my family in South Reach, that one doesn't get me aroused,” he listed off, adding the last party quickly. “I have a lovely one of you wearing nothing but a lion skin hide.” I giggled at him, squirming as his cock began to harden inside me as his lips brushed over the tops of my breast.

“What about you, my love?” he asked, bridging his body over mine and tracing my cheek with his fingers. “What naughty thoughts do you have?”

“I like the war table one,” I hummed. “And we are most certainly going to go visit your family. Something that gets me all hot and bothered, though?” He looked at me intrigued, eyes dropping briefly to where I was chewing the corner of my lower lip and slowly nodded.

“You know the Avaar?” I asked.

“I do,” he said slowly and I squirmed as he continued to slowly roll his hips.

“You wearing their clothes,” I said. “Like one of their Thanes and taking me on a cave floor like a fucking savage.” He smiled at me wickedly, leaning down so his lips were next to my ear.

“You want to see me in a fur loincloth?”

“Oh fuck yes,” I hissed, exposing more of my neck to him. He took the silent request, lips skimming along my throat.

“Am I an evil Thane, taking an unwilling bride and 'blowing her mind' as you would say.” I snickered. I loved hearing Cullen repeat slang from my world, it made me laugh every time.

“Oh yes,” I cooed. “You'd be all hot and demanding and wearing a loincloth because of...ya know...rawr.” He snorted, shaking his head slightly.

“I want the mean ol' Thane to just own me.” I let out a soft moan as he pulled his cock out a bit before easing it back in. 

“I like that one,” he hummed, trailing his tongue along my neck. “Maybe we should have Garrett be the bounty hunter who caught you. He can get a special prize for bringing me such a treat.” I shivered, letting my legs fall open completely as he began to thrust at an agonizingly slow pace. He paused for a moment, looking down at me sadly.

“What's wrong?” I asked, reaching for him. He caught my hands between us, kissing my fingers.

“I was just thinking about how, if I was in such a position, you'd be the most pampered woman in the world.” I laughed, shaking my head.

“I don't want to be pampered,” I said. “And why does that make you sad?”

“Because it reminded me of almost losing you and swearing to the Maker if I could keep you, you'd want for nothing. I'd treasure you.”

“I already want for nothing,” I said. “And you treasured me before, didn't you.”

“Of course I did,” he said. “But even more so now.”

“Why are you sad, Cullen?” I asked, not wanting to let him evade my question.

“I can't give you much,” he said.

“You've given me a child, your love, all the hugs and kisses I could ask for and many nights of mind-blowing sex. What else do I need?” I suddenly realized what this was about and laughed, pulling him down for a hug.

“Oh, I get it,” I said. “Let me tell you this. If you had enough money and status to rival an orlesian noble I'd probably lose my mind. I don't want jewels or fancy clothes or titles or anything. I want your love and nothing more.”

“You have that,” he chuckled. “You've always had it.”

“Then that is all I want,” I cooed, kissing him. “I hated the Winter Palace, I hate having to attend noble parties and the only good thing about wearing that stupid dress was that it made Hawke all hot and bothered.”

“He wasn't the only one,” Cullen said. “Do you still have it?”

“Yes,” I said. “I figured if I needed to attend another grand event, I wouldn't have to go through the hell having fight a seamstress.”

“I'll have to get you to wear it for me at some point.”

“Maybe Celene will invite us back,” I cooed.

“Mmmm, yes. One thing to look forward to. I'd tease you so much,” Cullen moaned.

“Tell me about it,” I gasped.

“I'd make you wear those metal balls inside you with a little belt to hold them in,” Cullen growled. “Every move you take would be intense, moving the balls around, teasing you. I'd ask you to dance over and over again, knowing it would put you more on edge. When you're barely able to move, I'd take you to a corner and play with your breast, teasing your nipples until you climaxed. Then I'd take you back out to do it again and again until you couldn't stand it anymore. I'd pull you off to a private room and take the balls out of your cunny and put them in your ass. Then I'd make you ride my cock until you passed out.” I moaned, kissing him hotly, cutting off whatever else he was going to say. His pace slowed and he pulled back, smiling.

“I love you,” he said, his hips stilling as he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “I never thought any of this was possible. I...to have you...to have anyone...” I smiled, stroking his cheek as I looked into adoring amber eyes.

“I'm yours, Cullen,” I said. “All of me.” He smiled, looking up at me, his hips slowly moving once more so I gasped and tossed my head back.

“All of you?” he asked, lips grazing my neck.

“All of me,” I sighed.

Where our earlier coupling had been brutal and domineering, our joining now was slow and sweet, exploring each other's bodies with light caresses and gentle kisses. I was acutely aware of him, the smell of his skin, the sound of his moans in my ear, the taste of his lips. I felt his beard brush the tender flesh of my neck, a bead of sweat drop down between my breast, the feel of his hips sliding against mine as he thrust into me. My orgasm crested slowly, my mouth hanging open in a gasping cry. Cullen groaned against my neck as he stilled, pumping me full of more seed. We kissed slowly, lovingly and curled around one another, the breeze from the balcony cooling our bodies.

“We deserve a soft epilogue, my love,” he murmured, lacing his fingers together with mine. I smiled, letting my eyes drift shut slowly.

“We are good people,” I finished. “And we have suffered enough.”


	129. Wrestle Me

I grunted as I was thrown to the floor, scrambling to my feet and tackling Blackwall again. He laughed and flipped me over his shoulder, locking my arm so I was forced to either stay down or break the bone.

“What are you doing?” came Cullen's voice. Blackwall let me up but I only jumped to my feet and began grappling with him again.

“Training,” I panted, dropping to my knee's and putting my hands on Blackwall's stomach, flipping him over my head. He gave a hiss as he hit the floor before pulling me to him by my ankle and pinning me down.

“What...why?” Garrett asked, shaking his head.

“I lost a lot of muscle when I was sick,” I gasped, trying to wiggle out from beneath the great bear of a man. “I'm trying to get it back.”

“She's actually pretty good,” Blackwall huffed, fighting to keep me down. 

“Five male cousins,” I said. “They loved to do this shit and if I wanted to play with someone, I had to learn too.” I managed to get my feet against his chest and pushed, flinging him back before tackling him and sitting on his chest. He laughed and grabbed my waist, throwing us to the side so I was pinned beneath him again. I grunted and flopped back on the dirt, my chest heaving as I looked up at the grinning man.

“Best two out of three, Seer?” he asked, rising to his feet and offering me his hand.

“More like 25 out of 26,” I said, letting him pull me up.

“You've won a few,” Blackwall said, dusting himself off. I snatched up the waterskin on the bench in the barn, taking a long drink before tossing it to Blackwall who did the same. He let out a gasp and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before setting the waterskin aside.

“Ready?” he asked, getting ready to grapple again.

“Let's go,” I said, doing the same.

“This is kind of fascinating to watch,” Garrett mused.

“Indeed, we don't get a chance to watch her fight often,” Cullen mused. I pounced on Blackwall, wrapping my legs around his neck and twisting my hips hard so he slammed to the ground.

“Nice one, baby!” Blackwall grabbed my hips and threw me to the side but I rolled when he tried to pin me. I put my foot to his chest and shoved him to the side before getting to my knee's. He grabbed me around the waist and pushed me back to the dirt. I squirmed out of his grip, twisting my hips so my knee's landed in his back. He gave a grunt as I threw my weight into my legs and forced him to the floor, sitting on his back. He laughed, putting his hands on the ground and bucking so I was thrown off him.

“Son of a...”

“Nope,” Blackwall laughed, putting an arm over my shoulders and throwing me down. I lay on the dirt, panting and looked up.

“We should call it,” Blackwall said, tugging me to my feet. “We've been at this for hours and you're out of energy.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I was just having fun.”

“Me too,” Blackwall said warmly, ruffling my hair. I laughed and hugged him, enjoying the way he squeezed me tightly. Blackwall gave good bear hugs and I was glad when he finally relaxed with me enough to not scurry away from me on sight.

“Thanks for letting me rough you up,” I said.

“Anytime,” he returned. I pulled away and joined my husbands, walking out into the courtyard, my muscles aching.

“So, anything you wish to talk about?” Garrett asked. “What was that all about?”

“I'm just trying to get my strength back,” I said. 

“Why didn't you ask us to grapple with you?” Cullen asked.

“I didn't think you two could do it without it ending in sex,” I laughed.

“She has a point,” Garrett said to Cullen. “We haven't been able to keep our hands off of her lately.”

“She did almost die,” Cullen snorted. “I think we're allowed to be a little clingy.”

“Of course you are,” I soothed. “But I still need to work out my muscles and I can't do that flat on my back.”

“Was hot to watch,” Garrett said huskily.

“Don't even,” Cullen warned, “We have to go to the War Room, soon.”

“How do you both still have work?” Garrett groaned.

“I don't know,” I sighed. Cullen laughed and held out his elbow for me.

“Let's go.” I huffed but took his arm, kissing Garrett farewell before Cullen did the same. We arrived in the war room and found it empty. I released Cullen's arm and walked around the table, my fingers trailing along the edges of the map. Cullen leaned against the table, his amber eyes following me as he grinned.

“You know,” he said. “If you squint, Lake Calenhad looks like a bunny.” I stopped and looked up at him before laughing, my hands gripping the edge of the table.

“Does it?” I asked, my hand covering my face.

“Mmmhmm,” he hummed with a smirk.

“That's adorable, my love,” I said. He walked over to me, tipping my head back and sealing his lips over mine. I melted against him, my hand gripping his shirt as we kissed. 

“Ahem.” We both turned to find Josephine and Leliana standing in the door, leering at us.

“Are they making out again?” came Gethorns annoyed voice. “I swear.”

“Forgive us,” I said easily, stepping away from the Commander. We began pouring over the map, pulling out requests and discussing what needed our attention. As we talked, I noticed Cullen had moved to my side and was looking over my shoulder at a report I held. I paused when I felt his hand brush my bottom, but figured it accidental and turned to Josephine who had begun pulling a slip of paper out of a stack in her pile.

“An interesting development,” she said, handing me the report. “We received a visit from a cloaked woman, who was revealed to be Lady Colombe, one of Empress Celene's trusted attendants. The Empress knows that Michel has joined the Inquisition, and sent Colombe seeking a secret reconciliation.

“This subterfuge is necessary, of course, to protect Celene's reputation. An empress's mind cannot be seen to be easily swayed by something as inconsequential as friendship.”  
As I listened, I felt his hand turn and cup my rump, slowly massaging it, his fingers slipping between my legs to rub my clothed sex. I coughed and tried to ignore him even as he leaned closer so his hand slid further between my legs.

“Very heartwarming,” Leliana said in a snide tone, “but Celene could have found Michel before now if she had a mind to reconcile. No, she is playing at something more, and we will not be drawn into her game. Test her resolve. If she wants a reconciliation, let her make it public.”

“I say good,” Cullen said as if he weren't pushing his fingers against my suddenly wet sex. “Friends are few and far between these days. I'm glad to see the empress come to her senses. I will inform Michel immediately.” Gethorn looked at the map, fingers stroking his lips and his brow creased. I knew he was desperate to do right by Micheal and wanted him to be happy.

“What do you think, Mamae?” he asked. I opened my mouth, but no words came out, so I closed it and cleared my throat, hoping I didn't have the look of a woman getting teased by her husband.

“I agree with Leliana,” I said in a hoarse voice, causing me to clear my throat again. “Micheal has already been shamed once by Celene. He deserves more than whispers behind closed doors.”

Leliana looked smug at this and Gethorn thought for a moment.

“I agree,” he sighed. “It's not the easiest solution, but it is the best.”

“Easy does not always equal right, my love,” I told him, trying not to moan as Cullen pressed hard at my clit. 

“Stop,” I hissed but he ignored me. I bent over the war table, knowing the action would reveal his arm and he'd be forced to draw back. Just as I thought, he pulled away, taking a step to the side. 

“I think that's all for today,” Leliana suddenly declared. She turned and meandered over to the door, winking at me over her shoulder and I gapped. Would she really do this to me?

“Come, Josie, let's get some tea.”

That bitch, she really would.

“I need to talk to Micheal,” Gethorn sighed, turning to follow them. As the door closed with a soft thud, I looked back at Cullen who was smirking. He seized me around the waist and slammed me against the door, reaching down and tugging my pants to my knees.

“Thought you could get away from me, eh?” he asked, lips hovering over mine. “When I want to rub your little cunny, you need to stand there and let me.” I pushed at his chest, whimpering.

“Leliana and Josephine and Gethorn were-”

“I don't care,” he snarled, shoving his fingers inside me. I wailed, gripping his wrist, my nails biting into his skin through his shirt.

“I told you to take it,” he hissed, pumping his fingers inside me while he thumbed my bud. It wasn't long before I was climaxing, his lips pressed to mine swallowing my screams. My knee's buckled and the only thing holding me up was his body against mine. 

I panted against his neck, whimpering when he pulled his digits free and tugged my pants back into place.

“Good girl,” he praised, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I sighed and tensed the muscles in my legs, forcing them back to functioning. When I could stand properly, Cullen guided me out of the room and out to where Garrett was holding a fussing Emilia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of art, I've just been so busy lately! Ugh. I miss when I had free time! Anyway, next couple chapters are sex and fluff, then we're back to our regularly scheduled plot.


	130. Wild Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING**
> 
> Pseudo-rape, dub-con, furs, loin-cothes, double-teamed. Etc.
> 
> W00t! Sex

I moaned as I came awake, aware I wasn't in my bed. I was laying on something hard and cold, my arms behind my back and a blindfold on my eyes. Panic welled in me and I struggled, trying to escape the bindings. 

“Now, don't struggle,” said a rough voice that was vaguely familiar. I froze, trying to figure out where I was and the person moved closer to me, hauling me to my feet.

Something was pulled over my shoulders and it was then that I noticed I was nude. I tried to cover myself, struggling against those hands. 

“None of that,” the person cooed. “Be a good girl for me.” I stopped when fingers dug into my arms in warning, trying to hunch my shoulders to at least hide my breast. 

“So shy,” the man teased. “But not shy enough not to be bathing in a river. I got permission from your village elder to take you.” 

“What?” I asked, completely puzzled. Had I been bathing in the river? What village elder was he talking about? I couldn't imagine my father giving anyone permission to take me against my will. 

“You are going to be my bride,” the man said and I could almost hear him smiling. 

“I most certainly will not!” I cried, trying to pull back. 

“Come now,” the man purred, his rough cheek sliding along mine as he whispered in my ear. “There are many benefits's to being wed to a Thane.” I froze, my body relaxing but my heart speeding up. I knew why this man seemed familiar. It was Cullen. He had stolen me away to enact my fantasy. I felt him kiss my cheek, his lips smiling. 

“There's a good girl,” he hummed, moving his hand to my breast and rubbing my nipple teasingly. “I'm going to untie you. You're going to behave, right?” 

“Yes,” I said softly. The ropes at my wrist fell away and the blindfold was carefully removed. I blinked slowly as the area came into focus. We were in a cave, torches stuck in the wall and burning brightly. Rugs had been thrown about to cover the ground while a fire burned in the middle of the room. On a battered table sat some food and in one corner, pillows and blankets had been piled up as a bed. 

My gaze fell on Cullen and I sucked in a breath. He wore a strange kind of vest that connected in the front with several ropes of leather, thick-furred arm and leg warmers with hyde boots and a fur loincloth with a belt around his hips. His hair had been mussed to fall around his shoulder with a thick line of khol around his eyes. I glanced down at myself and saw I was garbed only in a lion skin. Cullen smiled, reaching between my legs and teasing his fingers along my slit. I gasped as two digits slowly pushed inside of me, my hand flying to his bicep. He chuckled softly, bending down slightly so he could move his hand better. 

“You're already so wet,” he teased and I tried to push away from him, remembering that I was supposed to be unwilling. 

“Now now, you said you'd be a good girl,” he reminded me, a hand moving to my lower back and holding me in place. 

“No,” I moaned. “I can't be...” 

“Shhhh, don't fight me.” His lips pressed to my nipple, placing a delicate kiss on it that made me tremble. I looked down at him, gasping softly when his fingers slipped free. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close as his lips circled my nipple, sucking on it carefully. He shifted to his knee's, giving him better access and I whimpered, my eyes falling shut.

"Are you a mother?" he asked, pulling his lips from my breast, milk smeared on them.

"Y-Yes," I stammered.

"Good," he said, dragging his tongue along the bud. "Then you won't have any trouble conceiving." His hands slid under the fur moving up my bare back as he continued to tease my breast, taking deep drinks of my milk. I peeked down at him to find his kohl-lined eyes closed and his head tilted to the side, completely engrossed in his task of nursing. 

“I know I should wait till the wedding,” he gasped out. “But I can't. I must have you.” I cried out in surprise as he rose to his feet quickly, lifting me up so I was forced to wrap my legs around his waist. His lips found mine in a dominating kiss and he took several long strides to the mountain of pillows, easing us down onto it. Once he released me, I tried to roll away from him, yelping when he grabbed my ankle and pulled me back to him, using his hips to pin mine down. 

“You're not getting away, dear,” he teased. “I took you and I get to keep you.” 

“No,” I cried, struggling. “You can't make me!” 

“Yes I can,” he hissed. I yelped as I was flipped over onto my stomach. Before I could struggle, he was sitting on my calves and shoving several pillows beneath my hips so my rump was sticking in the air. 

“What are you doing?” I gasped, my hands twisting in the furs. His cock pressed into me, hands gripping where my thighs and rump met, pulling the flesh so it was out of the way. I screamed as I was filled, my thighs pushed together making for a tighter entry. His pelvis pressed against my ass and he groaned. 

“Now you don't have a choice,” he growled. “Now you're mine.” He bent forward, his hands bracing himself just over my shoulders and his hips began moving. I keened low in my throat, arching my back more and spreading my legs as far as I could with him straddling me. 

“There you go,” he growled, gripping my hair with one hand. “Just lay there and take it like a good girl. Let me have you.” 

“Noooo,” I tried to buck him off but only succeeded in forcing his cock deeper inside me. 

“Still fighting?” A low laugh followed the question and I yelped as his hand landed firmly on my rump. I almost climaxed right then. The feel of his cock plowing into me accompanied by the harsh stinging slaps that made my ass shake was almost too much, but he hadn't said I could. I abandoned any pretense and began fucking myself back on his cock, desperate to climax. 

“Maker, yes,” he swore. “Cum for me.” I sobbed into the furs as I climaxed, bucking back wildly as I trembled.  He pulled out of me and threw the pillows aside before turning me to my back. 

“I see you're feeling a little more co-operative,” he purred as I spread my legs for him. I grabbed him and pulled him down, kissing him deeply. He moaned softly, pulling back with a chuckle. 

“Very co-operative.” 

“Or maybe I'm lulling you into a false sense of security and I'm going to kick your ass later,” I said with a grin. He arched a brow, grinning at me wolfishly. 

“Really? Well, let's quell this little rebellion before it starts.” I cried out as he slammed into me, my hands gripping his biceps. 

“I thought that would fix you,” he teased breathlessly, giving a hard thrust. 

“Fuck...Cullen,” I gasped and his hand twisted in my hair, jerking my head back so my spine arched. 

“Is that what you want?” he snarled. “You want me to fuck you?” 

“Maker, yes.” He bit down on my neck, his hips thrusting hard. I clawed at his back, making him hiss softly. His arms came around my shoulders, holding me tightly as he fucked me. I jerked my hips up, digging my feet into his back for better leverage. He kissed my neck, groaning softly. 

“Maker's breath,” he swore. “I'll never let you go.” I whimpered, writhing against him, so close to the edge. 

“I...I can't...” I whined, gripping his shoulders and pressing my face to his neck. 

“Yes you can,” he growled, one hand dropping to hold my hips. He turned his head, biting my ear and I keened into his neck. 

“You're going to stay right here if I have to chain you down. Now behave and cum for me.” I shook my head, my entire being strung tight like a bowstring. Hand grabbed my shoulders and threw me back, a hand clamping down carefully around my throat. 

“I said cum,” he snarled in my ear, tightening his hold so I gasped for air. I climaxed, a choked scream falling from my lips as he slammed into me before still and groaning low. The hand released quickly and I panted, trembling beneath him. He hugged me tightly, kissing my neck as I came down. 

“Mmm, yes, definitely keeping you,” he chuckled against my cheek and I laughed, turning my head and pecking his lips. 

“I don't think I can walk so you don't have to worry about keeping me tied up,” I teased.

“What a good idea,” he said. “Anytime I think you look rebellious, I'll screw you until you can't walk.” 

“I think she's looking a little rebellious, Thane. Better start fucking her again.” I looked at the cave opening and felt my eyes grow wide at the sight of Garrett leaning against the mouth of the cave, arms crossed. He was dressed the same as Cullen, though different furs had been used. His jet-colored hair was wild and windswept and Kohl had been applied carefully around his eyes, making them seem to glow. 

“Oh shit,” I gasped. “I can't cum again.” Garrett laughed, pushing off the stone wall and walking towards us. He knelt down on the pillows, reaching over and grabbing my ankle. Cullen moved off me, letting Garrett drag me to him. 

“The boss here said I get to have a taste of you since I helped him find you,” Garret said, leaning down and kissing me. I tore my lips from his, whimpering and trying to push Garrett off of me, as much as my weak limbs would allow. 

“And she was being so obedient,” Cullen sighed. 

“Maybe I scared her,” Garrett said. “Did I scare you, baby?” I looked at Garrett with mock anger, putting my hands behind me to brace myself. 

“I'm not a whore,” I spat, puffing out my chest. Both men laughed and Garrett gripped my hair, jerking my head back painfully. His lips skimmed ever so gently over my neck, a sharp contrast to the cruel hand in my hair. 

“You're whatever we want you to be,” he sneered and I moaned softly. 

“Looks like she prefers it rough,” Cullen taunted. 

“I told you she would,” Garrett snarled. “I know a slut when I see one.” Garrett hastily pushed his loincloth aside and sank into me, groaning against my neck. Unlike Cullen, Garret's pace was tortuously slow, punctuated by hard thrusts. When I thrashed too much, Cullen moved to my head, pinning my hands to the pillows with a grin. 

“Stop fighting,” he hissed. I couldn't take it anymore. I was oversensitive and still desperate to climax, each slow draw of the mage's hips feeling like the sweetest kind of agony. 

“Please,” I sobbed. “I can't...please...just let me....” 

“Not yet, love,” Cullen cooed, bending down and stroking my cheek. Garrett ducked his head, nipping at my breast. 

“Shit, look at her,” he breathed. “She's fucking crying.” I was suddenly aware of the tears spilling from the corners of my eyes down into my hair. 

“I love when she cries,” Cullen moaned. Garrett lifted our hips up, tucking some pillows under my back so he had room to slip his knee's under me. He shifted, rearing up and slamming into me hard, his pace never changing. His hand landed on my thigh with a punishing force and I screamed. He laughed and did it again, the next blow landing on my rump. I wailed as he continued his assault, pushing my knee's up to my chest to get the back on my thighs. I begged for more, distantly hear them both laugh before I was turned onto my stomach, tears spilling down my cheeks as my hips lifted and Garrett eased back inside me before resuming his torture of slow, hard thrusts and harder slaps against my tender skin. My mouth hung open as I wailed, unable to keep quiet. My upper half was lifted and I wrapped my arms around Cullen, pressing my face into his neck. He cooed at me, calloused fingers skimming along my spine and his free hand tenderly kneaded my breast, the two warring sensations pushing me deeper into my euphoria. 

“That's my good girl,” the Commander purred. “Just take it. Just like that. Good. Do you want to cum?”

I moaned and nodded, clutching him tightly. 

“Fuck, let her cum,” Garrett panted, his hips speeding up. “I'm about to.” 

“You heard him, love. Cum for us.” I did, biting his neck to muffled the loud scream that burst forth. Garrett seized my hips, pumping into me a few more times before flooding my channel with a guttural growl in my ear. His grip tightened as I sagged between them, my muscles unable to hold me up any longer. They lower me to the cushions, Garrett easing his softening cock from me. I felt them lay down on either side of me. I reached out, feeling a warm arm meet my fingers. 

“Hey, baby,” Garrett said gently, taking my hand and kissing my fingers. I turned towards him, crawling into his arms. He looked down at me with a mixture of concern and curiosity as I nuzzled needily into his chest. 

“Baby?” I shook my head, unable to stop the sudden torrent of tears. He tilted my chin back and I looked up at him, meeting his gold eyes with a watery smile, a laugh breaking free before I sobbed. He gave a soft chuckle, wrapping his arm tightly around me and hugging me close. 

A gentle hand traced my side as Cullen leaned forward. 

“Love?” he asked. 

“She's fine,” Garrett said. “She just cries sometimes when she comes down.” 

“I always thought that was just the pregnancy,” Cullen said, moving to lay against my back, his fingers tracing lazy patterns on my hip. 

“She does it more when she's pregnant,” Garrett said. “But sometimes it just happens when it's really intense.” 

“I suppose it hasn't been intense in a while,” Cullen said. 

“I suppose not,” Garrett hummed, playing with my hair distractedly. I sighed as my tears finally stopped, enjoying the feeling of the two men soothing me. 

“I love you both,” I said. The two chuckled softly, snuggling down into the covers. 

“We love you, too.” 

“Meh, I could...” 

“Shut it, Hawke,” Cullen said with a laugh. 

“ I was gonna say 'never live without you', jerk!” 

“Then, by all means, proceed,” Cullen said. Garrett pressed several quick kisses to my lips. 

“You're just the cutest, sweetest, sexiest, smartest, my awesome wifey ever,” he gushed, rubbing his nose against mine. 

“Oh god,” I groaned, pushing him away as he laughed. 

“Sappy enough for ya, Rutherford?” Garrett barked, grinning. 

“I'm going to vomit,” Cullen moaned, rolling away. 

“Don't leave me with him!” I cried, crawling after Cullen. Hands grabbed my hips, tugging me back as I squeals, clawing at the pillows. 

“Nope, get back here,” he said. I was jerked back and landed sprawled out on the other mage's chest, looking up at his smirking face. 

“Where are you going?” he asked. “We were having a moment.” 

“You're haveing a senior moment if you think I'm sticking around for that drivel.” Cullen laughed. 

“She called you old,” he taunted. 

“If I'm old so are you!” Garrett huffed. 

“I'm four years younger than you,” Cullen said. 

“I'm a year younger than you,” I said to Cullen. 

“Maker, I'm fucking kids,” Garrett sighed. 

“To be fair, I've been with men who I had a much larger age gap with,” I said. Both men looked at me.

“Oh?” Cullen asked. “What's the oldest?” 

“Twenty years,” I said without missing a beat. 

“Damn, baby,” Garrett laughed. “Though I did screw someone ten years younger.” 

“Seven is the biggest gap I've done,” Cullen said. “But I lived in a Chantry then a tower.” 

“Well, you fuck like a champ!” Garrett said. 

“I...er...thank you?” 

“Garrett,” I sighed. 

“Yes my love?” he asked. 

“You're not right.” 

“I'm not wrong either.” 

“Oh for fucks...Cullen, save me?”


	131. And Ride Ye Forth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry once again for the super delay! Posting a bunch to make up for it

I sighed as I rode atop the horse between Cullen and Josephine, Gethorn in the forefront. Trumpets sounded and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. At least I wasn't dressed in a gown this time. I wore the red Inquisition uniform that had been fitted tightly to my form. I thill felt like I looked silly in it and would have much rather preferred my own clothes. Garrett had said I was just grumpy and told me I looked like a stone cold fox regardless. Cullen had echoed the sentiment and I had returned it, liking how he looked in his formal attire.

“I'm going to fuck up those garments tonight,” Garrett had growled.

“Another parade, another bloody negotiation,” Cullen sneered at Josephine.

“Tell me about it,” I sighed.

“Smiles everyone,” Josephine said, arching a brow in our direction. Cullen gave a snort of disgust and turned away. “We must be careful how we present ourselves.”

“Why did Divine Victoria call the Exalted Council?” Cullen complained. “She's kept Orlais from bothering us for the last two years.”

“At increasing political cost,” I said, beating Josie to it. “My love, we've been over this.”

“She's done all she can, but the Exalted Council has become necessary,” Josephine sighed, looking up to where the members of the courts watched us. “Orlais would control us. And based on their many marriage proposals, they have specific plans for you.” Josephine's amused eyes darted to Cullen and I growled.

“Over my dead body,” I spat. Cullen looked less than pleased with the prospect, his lips twisting in disgust.

“Our real concern is Fereldan,” Josephine went on. “They would see us disbanded entirely.” I looked ahead of us, my heart clenching. I had little idea what would be going on. I had changed so much, nothing was certain. My father had left Skyhold several weeks ago and I had not seen him in the Fade. I was unsure if I should trust him, but I desperately wanted to. The anchor on Gethorn's hand was getting worse and I knew the inevitable end. My son tried to keep it from us, but I could see it. 

We stabled our horses and found our rooms, dropping our things off in the guest wing of the Winter Palace. I knew Garrett would arrive shortly with the rest of the children and scurried out into the gardens to mingle.

I found Cullen in the garden's rubbing the belly of a large Mabari and walked over to him, eyeing the Mabari with a smirk.

“I see you found him,” I said softly. Cullen's brows shot to his hairline and he stood.

“I thought you said you didn't know what was going to happen,” he said.

“I don't,” I replied. “But I still know a few things, my love.” Cullen looked down at the Mabari that wagged it's tail and barked.

“They don't breed mabari in Orlais,” Cullen said. “A merchant said he was abandoned. Perhaps his owners tired of the novelty.”

“Well, Dog needs some company,” I said, sliding my hands along his chest.

“Another Fereldan trapped at the Winter Palace. I couldn't leave him to that fate. Besides, I think he likes me.” Cullen reached down, ruffling the dog's ears and smirked.

“The children will be thrilled,” I said, reaching up for a kiss.

“Someone might see,” he hissed, looking around. 

“Let them,” I purred. “It might get those nobles to stop sending proposals. Has Garrett told you they're coming to the estate now?”

“A Hogwarts secret,” Cullen sighed and I smirked. Though Cullen had no idea what Hogwarts was, he had heard Madison use the term and picked it up. I loved when Cullen used slang from my world. It made me feel all giddy.

“The Inquisition will change after this,” he sighed.

“It will,” I agreed.

“I'm not sure what that will mean,” he sighed. “But I found certainty in my life. The council won't change that.”

“Of course not, my love,” I said. “And it will mean that we leave Skyhold and make our home anew. Whatever comes our way, we'll be together. All of us.” Cullen smiled down at me, cupping my cheek.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” His lips sealed over mine and I moaned softly. The years had done little to diminish the intense feelings Garrett, Cullen and I had for one another. Our relationship had changed as we got more comfortable, but our love had remained the same. I treasured that more than I knew. We had our ups and downs, had our fights, but we always came back.

“I wish I could marry you again,” he said as he pulled back.

“I would marry you a thousand times over,” I assured him.

“What about me?” came Garrett's voice along with the exuberant cries of the children. I laughed, leaning down and scooping Emilia into my arms as she raced to me. Long golden curls bounced over her shoulder's and large blue eyes looked around uncertainly. While Malcolm was ever ready to tackle anything the world threw at him, Emilia was cautious, seeking guidance from us when she was uncertain. Malcolm scrambled up Cullen's legs until he was lifted up.

“Papa! Is that a Mabari?” he asked, leaning over Cullens arm. “Can we keep it?” Hazel eyes looked at Cullen pleadingly and the Commander smiled.

“Of course, pup!” he said. “That was the plan!”

“Yay!”

“Dog is going to be so sad he's been replaced,” Garrett sighed.

“No!” Emilia shrieked and I patted her back.

“Dog isn't being replaced, princess,” I cooed. “Babae is joking.” Malcolm squirmed out of Cullen's grip and launched himself at the mabari who eagerly began fetching the ball the child threw.

“I'm trying to teach him to dodge those!” Cullen huffed.

“You're still not really familiar with how this works, are you?” Garrett teased, reaching over and pulling Cullen into a kiss.

“That's what I keep telling him,” I sighed. Garrett pulled away, leaning over to bestow a kiss on my lips that I gladly returned. He then lifted Emilia from my arms, perching her up on his shoulders.

“Wish we could have had the wedding here,” Garrett hummed. “It's nice.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Cullen said.

“I doubt Mother Giselle would marry us,” I sighed. Garrett nodded and looked over at Malcolm.

“I love you both,” he said. “More than anything.” Cullen kissed Garrett hotly and I chewed my lip as I watched. Emilia made a disgusted face and kicked her legs.

“Stop kissing!” she demanded.

“You know,” Cullen said, pulling away and reaching for her, “one day you will be glad your parents are so in love.” She harrumphed and crossed her arms as she was pulled from her Babae's shoulders into her Papa's arms. Cullen looked over at me and smiled.

“I just want you to know,” he began. “Everything feels like it was worth fighting for.”

“It was,” I said, leaning in and stealing his lips in a kiss.

“Ugh, you guys are always kissing!” Malcolm complained. “Can Emily and I go explore?”

“Absolutely not,” I said. “This is a palace, not a playground. You are to stick by us and behave.”

“But Mamae!” Malcolm complained. 

“Don't argue with your mother,” Garrett said. “Plus, Uncle Iron Bull is here.” Both children perked up at this.

“Aunt Leliana is here, too,” I reminded them. “So is Uncle Varric and Uncle Dorian...” The children grew more excited as I listed off the people they hadn't seen for a while, their duties having taken them from Skyhold.

“Let's go!” Malcolm cried, the Mabari hot on his tail.


	132. My Old Friend

Varric cried out in joy as the children raced towards him. He hugged them, laughing as Malcolm accidentally kicked his secretary.

“Mom! Hawke! Curly!” he cried and we each greeted him.

“Have you talked to Gethorn yet?” I asked.

“I did,” he said. “Your kids have all gotten big, him included.”

“Don't remind me,” I sighed. “I walked in on him and Michel the other day. Ugh.”

“I told you to knock,” Garrett chuckled. I rolled my eyes and we chatted with Varric for a bit before bidding him farewell, telling him we would be returning to Kirkwall soon enough.

  
Bull had boomed his greeting to the children while Sera had danced over, attempting to steal Malcolm away to play pranks.

“No,” Cullen had snapped.

“Go,” I said, nodding to my son. Both my husbands had turned to me in shock.

“Pranks and daring can make a bad day great,” I said with a grin. “Go, son. Keep him safe, Sera.”

“Mystic's gonna trust me, eh?” she asked.

“I have always trusted you, Sera,” I said. “You just don't like me and that's fine. You like my kids, so go have fun. Do you wish to join them, Emilia?”  
Emilia looked up from her perch on Bull's shoulders and shook her head.

“No thank you,” she said. “I stay.” I smiled at Sera who was looking at me like she might melt on the spot. Sera had never warmed up to me. Being a Mage and a 'Seer' had meant she had an inherant distrust of me and I was fine with that. But she had always liked being around the kids. She had cooed and gushed over both children when they were born and never shown them anything but kindness. 

“Go then,” I urged, waving them off. “Go have fun.”

“You really trust Sera with our son?” Cullen asked.

“Ehh! He said our son!” Garrett gushed, dancing.

“I do,” I laughed. “Don't worry.”

Sera returned with Malcolm a half hour later, both of them covered in snow. I guess that Sera had convinced Malcolm to conjure it. The Charger's gifted Bull with the giant Dragon Skull and we moved on to search for the others.

  
We found Leliana talking with Arl Teagan and the children raced to her with gleeful shouts, making the Arl draw back in surprise. Leliana laughed and knelt down, pulling them into her arms and peppering their faces with kisses.

“My little birds,” she cooed.

“Forgive us,” I said to Teagan. “I meant to try and catch them but they're getting to be too quick for me.”

“It's fine,” he said with a smile. “I do not believe we have met.”

“No, we haven't,” I said, curtsying. “I am the Seer of the Inquisition. Michelle Hawke.”

“Yes, it is a pleasure Lady Hawke,” Teagan said, bowing. 

“Of course you have met my husband Garrett and our Commander Cullen,” I went on, motioning to the men.

“Indeed,” Teagan said. “It seems the rumors are true. Where the Hawkes go, the Commander follows.”

“Or vice versa,” I said easily. “Cullen is just so dear to us.” I smiled and Teagan arched a brow but said no more. I let Leliana pull me into a hug, brushing a kiss across her cheek.

“So, Divine...” I teased. She smirked.

“Indeed.”

“Do you miss being our Spymaster?” Cullen asked, hugging Leliana.

“I miss you lot more than the work,” she said. “Writing is just not the same.”

“It's really not,” Cullen said.

“The children have missed you,” Garrett said, watching Emilia rest her head on Leliana's shoulder as Malcolm clung to her waist. 

“Walk with me,” Leliana urged, stepping away, Emilia still on her hip and Malcolm's hand in her own. When we were out of earshot of anyone, Leliana smiled at us.

“I arranged for your's and Cullen's rooms to be beside each other,” she said. “I also made sure Celene had a very large bed put in your room.”

“Should I be worried that the Divine is encouraging my corruption?” Cullen teased. Leliana paused, turning to face the Commander.

“Cullen,” she began. “I know exactly what you have been through. I saw you in Fereldon, I met you again in Kirkwall and I have worked beside you for years under the Inquisition. You deserve happiness. If this is how you find it, far be it from me or anyone else to say it is wrong. Love is the Maker's best gift, and it is infinite.”


	133. I Pray You Find Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some serious feels in it.

On and on the greetings went until it was late and the children were fussy. We fed and got them dressed in their night clothes, putting them to bed amidst much fuss that they weren't tired. Down in the Ballroom, a party raged but I found myself unwilling to join. Cullen fully agreed with a night in and Garrett didn't particularly care either way. Cullen lay between Garrett and me, his back against Garrett's chest and my head on his lap, while we all read by the fire. I heard something whispered and Cullen was urging me up to relax more fully on him. I smiled, turning and kissing his chin before returning my gaze to the book.

I let out a snort of laughter and looked at the men. I was reading Varric's latest book, 'All This Shit Is Weird ' and I was finding it rather funny. Some were incredibly accurate, while other's I thought to be so far fetched I seriously doubted they happened.

“What?” Garrett asked, trying to peer over two sets of shoulders to see the book. I sat up and cleared my throat, turning to face them.

“'The Seer ever so slowly descended the steps, the skirt of her dress clutched in one hand, the fabric black as night. Curls of a verdant green bounced on her shoulders and it was the rumor that they had been stained by the very rifts in the sky. Eyes like the sea after a storm turned to Garrett and he could swear she would hear his heart beating in his chest.

'The Inquisitor raced forward, taking that delicate hand in his own and introduced her, eager for the Champion to meet the woman he revered so much, certain Hawke would see her as he did.

'Mamae,' Gethorn said. 'May I present the Champion of Kirkwall and his companions.” A million things overflowed in his mind like a river during a storm, but it was, luckily perhaps, the simplest that spilled from his lips.

'Garrett will be just fine, my lady.' Surely this could not be her. Garrett had expected a much older woman, someone who looked like his mother. This...girl couldn't be older than the Inquisitor. He recalled the Inquisitor shouting across the courtyard that she was thirty, but he found that hard to believe. Truly such a person couldn't be so beautiful, so close to his own age, so accessible. He stopped that thought before it could run as rampant as the Qunari is Kirkwall had.  
Gethorn and Varric had spoken highly of her, painting her as almost a goddess and he couldn't sully her so.'”

I laughed shaking my head but was met with only silence. 

“You know,” Garrett said. “I told Varric all that.”

“You're shitting me,” I said, my eyes wide. “You...what? You didn't want to 'sully' me?”

“I still don't,” he said. “I worry, too, my love. I worry the same curse that follows me, that took my father and mother, my brother and sister, will find you.”

“My love,” I said softly, reaching over Cullen's shoulder to cup his cheek. He smiled, kissing my wrist.

“You should have read the part Cullen had a hand in.” I narrowed my eyes at the Commander and flipped around the book, looking for it.

“'The Commander stared into the tankard as if it could give him an answer. He knew he would have more luck going to the Seer, on more than one account, but he couldn't bring...” I stopped, looking at Cullen who turned his head, ashamed. “...couldn't bring himself to face her. He knew she slept nestled in his bed as she had since they arrived, uncaring of sharing a room when she trusted him so. He knew it wouldn't take much to rush up to his room, rouse her and kiss her as he wished to do, but still, he remained at the corner table in the tavern, drowning his lust and love in ale.' Okay, that's a little much, even for Varric.”

“Really,” Garrett sneered.

“It was far more than kissing I had in mind,” Cullen mumbled. I snickered and began reading again.

“'This is foolish,' he sighed finally. 'I don't even know why I'm talking about this.'

'C'mon.' It was the only coaxing he needed.

'I...I can't.' Hand's fisted in that styled hair, musing it up before smoothing it back down. 'She deserves better than an ex-Templar who is desperately trying to kick a lyrium habit.' He reached into his pocket, pulling out the strange device she had gifted him that would call a small flame into existence. She had said it was so he could always 'light his way', gracing the Commander with that coy smile of hers she gave when she knew she had said something corny or made a pun.

'What could I even give her?' he sighed, repocketing the token.

'Love. I hear it's all the rage. Some even keep it for a lifetime.' Oh, Cullen. Did you really keep that stupid lighter I made a bad joke about?”

“It's in my chest,” he said. I laughed and kissed him, leaning up and kissing Garrett.

“I love you both more than anything,” I said. “And I've done the most sullying, so there.”

“Wait, why didn't Varic include something from you?” Garrett asked. I smirked, snuggling down between Cullen's outstretched legs, my back against the couch as both knees's rested over his thigh.

“He did in the rough draft, as a joke, he said,” I told them. “But I threatened to burn all his work if he didn't give me his word that he wouldn't release it.”

“Why?” Cullen asked. I ran my hands through my hair before looking at Cullen.

“I love you, so much,” I said. “I am not ashamed of you in any way, shape or form, but if this got out...the world wouldn't understand. Our friends understand. I know it's a rumor and a 'Hogwarts Secret', but for us to come out a verify it would...I wouldn't want you or our kids to be persecuted because of our love.” Cullen smiled and leaned forward, cupping my cheek. He tipped my head back and gave me a slow kiss, his tongue sliding along mine.

“I know, my love,” he said when he pulled away. “I love you, but I know why we hide it. The people who matter know and that's all I care about.”

“You don't care about the rumors?”

“I would like our private affairs to remain private,” he said. “But if people had nothing to talk about...I would regret it more.” I smiled and nuzzled his cheek before pulling back.

“What did it say?” Garrett asked. 

“Oh, I don't remember. It was about a conversation Varric and I had after I kissed Cullen that one time.” I made a gesture with my hand, forgetting I still held the book. The cover flipped, the pages fanning out and a sheet of paper fluttered to the floor.

“What was that?” Cullen asked, looking down.

“I...I don't know,” I said, reaching for it. “Varric just gave me this today. There shouldn't be anything in it.” I lifted the paper, unfolding it and scanning over it before laughing and shaking my head.

“What?” Garrett asked.

“It's...it's the bit I told him not to put in,” I said softly, leaning against the back of the couch. 

“'The lights from the torches played off emerald curls still pinned to her head. Her wedding gown was tucked around her and those painted eyes stared down at the dancing guests.

'You look a little sad considering you just got married.'

Her head whipped around, eyes wide in surprise before her expression became soft and friendly.

'Hey. I'm not sad, I'm just...thinking.' She let out a sigh and rested her chin on her knees, arms around her legs.

'Want to unload?' She paused, chewing her lip. It had to be one of the most tortured lips in all of Thedas and she only succeeded in smearing the remainder of the red paint on it.

'You can't...you can't tell anyone this,' she said, scowling. 'I mean it, Varric. Take it to the fucking grave.' Silence met the words before a soft promise;

'Just between you and me, then, Mom.' She nodded, her scowl becoming less fierce and more worried.

'I...I love Garrett. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And he loves me, more than I thought I deserved. He...he's so fucking perfect for me it's like I made him. He...he just seems to know me. He goes along with my crazy idea's, he fights me when he's trying to keep me safe, he just seems to know what I need and when I need it. He's...I don't have words for just how much he means to me.' She shook her head, looking over with eyes brimming with sorrow. 'Is it wrong to still wonder what it would have been like with someone else?'

'Curly?' A slow nod and her gaze moved down to where The Champion of Kirkwall and the Commander of the Inquisition were talking, drinks in hand and easy smiles on their face.

'I'm his friend, he trusts me, he's...'

'Infatuated with you. Why didn't you say anything?' She pressed her forehead to her knee's, eyes closed tightly shut. 

'I didn't know until after I was already with Garrett,' she whimpered. 'I never thought...' She swallowed and tipped her head back looking up at the night sky.

'I love Garrett so much. I can't imagine a life without him. To do so...it hurts.' Her hand lifted and rested over her heart, fingers subtly clenching in her wedding gown. 'But...I can't imagine a life without Cullen either. Not in a romantic sense even, just as my friend....I...if given the choice again...I'm not sure who I'd choose. Is that wrong of me?'

'You can't help how you feel.'

'Shame I can't just have them both,' she laughed a bit bitterly, moving to lean against the edge of the battlement so she was watching them once more. Those painted lips curled into an adoring smile, the kind of smile men would pay good coin to have her direct at them if the drunken proclamations in the tavern were to be believed. 

'There's my wife!' Garrett shouted from below.

'Why are you up there?' It was Cullen, standing beside Garrett, his arms crossed over his chest.

'I was just talking to Varric,' she called to them. Footsteps pounded on the stairs like a beating war drum and a head of blond hair arose. The commander smiled at the Seer, a brilliant blinding smile that he reserved only for her and she returned it, reaching for his outstretched hand.

'It's your wedding,' he said in a soft tone. 'Come. Dance with me.'

'I thought you didn't dance,' she teased as she eased her pregnant body to its feet, careful to balance herself properly.

'For you on your wedding day, I'll try,' he said. As they descended the steps hand in hand to the waiting Champion who teased them and proclaimed his wife's beauty to any who would listen, the question still hung in the air. If given the chance, who would she choose? If she could have both, if she could share her seemingly endless love with both men so dear to her, would she? I saw many impossible things happen during my time in the Inquisition, things I never dreamed would...' wait...this-this wasn't...” I stopped, looking at the paper.

“This is different from what he wrote before,” I said.

“Keep reading,” Garrett said softly.

“'Things I never dreamed would happen. The craziest thing I ever saw was a green haired woman fall out of a rift and dance into our lives, bestowing love and warmth. I thought Andraste herself must have blessed us to give us a person who could save our future, give us so much and ask for nothing in return. I'm not the praying type, but that night, watching her dance with the Commander then her husband, her expression of love and adoration never wavering, I prayed she was happy. I prayed she got everything in life she hoped for and all the love she had given...” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “...All the love she was given was returned to her tenfold. Because at one point, life and the world tried to beat her down and break her and she stood up like the badass bitch she is and said, 'That's the best you got?' At one point, she faced an empty void of despair and she walked through it with her head held high. I have met some extraordinary people, but none have touched so many as her. The Maker truly smiled on us when he gave her to us and I feel like, if people like her can exist, maybe he didn't abandon us after all.” Calloused fingers brushed tears from my cheek and I looked up at my husbands.

“Did that really happen?” Garrett asked softly.

“Yes,” I said. “I love you Garret, but...I love Cullen, too. I have for longer...I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize,” Garrett said, climbing out from behind Cullen and kneeling before me. He took my hands and kissed the backs, a smile on his lips. “Did I ever mention to you that I had a huge crush on Cullen since I met him in Kirkwall? I used to jerk off imagining him 'capturing' me and me bribing my way out with my body.”

“Did you really?” Cullen laughed.

“Mmm, fuck yes,” Garrett sighed. I giggled, scrubbing my cheeks.

“I'll be right back,” I said suddenly, standing and grabbing my robe. I raced down the hall to Varric's room, banging my fist on the door. There was a grumble from inside and the door flung open showing a shirtless Varric, his hair free from its band and spilling around his face. He looked up at me, anger at being disturbed melting into concern.

“Mom? What's wrong?” He poked his head out and looked down the hall before pulling back. “Have you been crying? What's wrong, darlin'?” I held out the page and he took it, casting me another concerned scowl before reading it. Once he realized what it was, he dropped his hand to his side and looked up at me cautiously.

“You prayed for me?” I asked in a hoarse voice. He nodded his head. I fell to my knee's, throwing my arms around him, my face pressed to his warm neck. He let out a noise of surprise, his arms going up.

“Thank you,” I said softly. Ever so slowly his arms came around me as if he were worried I would attack him the moment he returned the embrace. The moment his hands touched my back, however, he pulled me tightly against his body, his face in my wild mess of curls. We stayed like that for some time, embracing each other. Words weren't needed. I eventually pulled back enough to kiss his rough cheek.

“Thank you,” I said sincerely. “I...your prayers were answered.”

“Good,” he said in his rough voice as his knuckle swiped at a tear on my cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. I've tried several times to rework this chapter, but it still seems a smidge cringy to me.


	134. Tell Me I Was Dreaming

I stared at my father angrily, my gaze darting briefly to where Gethorn stood, his expression one of disbelief.

“Baela,” Gethorn said, looking at Solas. “It's not true.”

“It is,” Solas said. I had listened to him and Gethorn talk, hoping Gethorn would take my silence as curiosity and not the anger it truly was. Behind me, Madison stared at our father, scowling. I was unsure what to think. He had explained who he was and why he brought down the veil but gave little hint to whether or not he would be destroying it.

“There's still the matter of the anchor,” Gethorn said. “It's getting worse.”

“I know,” Solas said mournfully. “And we are running out of time.” As if on cue, the Anchor flared, ripples of sickly green energy arching from my son's palm and winding up his arm. He cried out in pain, falling to his knee's and I ran to his side, holding him.

“Babae, _please_ ,” I begged, looking at him as Gethorn writhed in agony. Solas moved toward us, kneeling down before us.

“The mark will eventually kill you,” he said gently. “Drawing you here gave me a chance to save your life.” Gethorn screamed, arching his back as the light traveled further up his arm.

“ _Do it_ , Babae!” I yelled over the sound of my child's pained cry's. “ _Please_!” Solas reached out, gripping Gethorn's wrist and pulling his arm taunt. Magic swirled in his palm and he gestured to the appendage, light engulfing it. Gethorn wailed in agony, his free hand gripping my tunic tightly as his face pressed to my shoulder. I watched the limb slowly dissolve, becoming less corporeal before vanishing completely. Gethorn's glove and arm guard fell to the ground, his sleeve drooping. Madison rolled the garment back, exposing the smooth stump that ended at the elbow, silvery webbed scars decorating the skin. There wasn't even the smallest drop of blood and the wound appeared to be several years old instead of seconds. 

Gethorn swayed, the intense pain and the myriad of battles leaving him weary.

“Live well, fenlin,” Solas said and I cast a sleeping spell, wanting to give him that small mercy. I eased him to the ground, making sure he was comfortable before I stood and turned to face my father.

“So,” I began. “What now? Will we all burn? Do you still wish to change the world? Change the elves back to what they were?”

“You don't understand, little heart, this is not what they were supposed to be, what _you_ were supposed to be,” he said his gaze sad. 

“What was I _supposed_ to be, bae?” I asked. 

“Immortal, unchanging. Would it not be better if you could savor life instead of having it rush by?” He looked at me, his expression tormented and I realized that, while my father may have loved me, he hated that he had had such a hand in 'ruining' my life. First I was hidden in a world without magic, abused and mistreated when I should have been at his side, learning from him, growing up with him. I had returned, but growing up in that world and the fact that I returned to Thedas, where the veil was present, meant I was not what I should have been. I and my brother were both mortal, both more human then Elvhen and it was because of my father's mistakes. I fell silent, my thoughts running wild in my head. 

“You would change me? Change your son?” I asked, motioning to a silent Madison. “You would _condemn_ us to an eternity? I love two mortal men, your son loves a mortal woman. Should we outlive them? Watch the light fade from their eyes with the knowledge they go somewhere we _can't_ follow? I must outlive my children?” 

“Such a fate would be worse than death,” Madison said, speaking up for the first time.

“I took so much from the people,” he sighed, shaking his head.

“You took nothing they wouldn't have already lost,” Madison snapped. “If you do this, you will _destroy_ this world. This world _you_ created.” I looked at him, holding out my hands in a supplicating gesture.

“Are they not your people too?” I asked. “Ones you fought to protect, ones you love? Are they merely at the mercy of your whims as the Elvhen were to the false gods you imprisoned? They do not deserve your love or protection?”

“You do,” he said, his eyes begging me to understand. “You are my children...” 

“No, _them_ ,” Madison spat, making a gesture behind him to the Eluvian we had arrived with. “ _They_ are what you made them. What do _they_ deserve? If given the choice...what would _they_ choose?” He was silent, his eyes falling to Gethorn's unconscious form. 

“Don't. _Do_. _This_.” I pleaded, reaching for him. He pressed a gentle kiss to my brow before turning and doing the same to Madison.

“Whatever the outcome,” he said so softly I almost didn't hear, “you and your families will be safe.”

His eyes closed, hiding the pain I saw there and he turned stepping into the Eluvian. I was unsure now if I even had an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Duuuuuun!!!


	135. Arms Wide Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the lack of updates. Life has been so hectic. I can't promise anything more than sporadic updates but when I can find the time to update, I will post multiple chapters. Luckily, there aren't that many left. Thanks for the reviews and kudos and all the love! I'm still working on the other story and there are still some neat things for this story.

Gethorn awoke in spurts, screaming in agony and I fed him pain potions and broth before he drifted back into a fitful sleep. Garrett was beside himself with worry, hovering around the bed and pressing kisses to his eldest son's brow. The younger children were kept away, much to their screaming protests. Cullen paced the room, wearing a hole in the rug and I tried to remain the calm one. 

“C'mon, son,” Garrett said. “You can fight this.” The last remnants of the anchor were fading and the pain was intense. Luckily, whatever my father had done, had meant Gethorn wouldn't have to suffer for long. The next day he was awake and fully coherent. We all piled in his bed, hugging and kissing him, happy he was going to be all right. Garrett had swept him into his arms like he was a babe and peppered his face with kisses.

“Babae!” Gethorn laughed, his feet kicking as he tried to get down.

“Shut up,” Garrett said. “You scared me. And you're not too big for your old man to let you know he loves you.” Gethorn had smiled and hugged Garrett tightly, tears beading his lashes.

When the chaos had died down, I had sat on Gethorn's bed, gently pinning the sleeve of his shirt to keep it out of the way while Garrett and Cullen ushered the little ones to bed.

“Are you all right?” I asked gently.

“The pain is mostly gone,” he said.

“I mean about losing your arm.”

Gethorn fell silent, looking at the stump that now took the place of his left arm. Violet eyes moved to where his hand should have been and I saw the muscles in his bicep flex as if he were trying to move his fingers.

“I'll be fine,” he said and I knew he was trying to be strong. I reached out, pulling him into my arms and it was all he needed. His face pressed into my chest as he wrapped his one arm around my ribs, gripping the back of my dress so tightly I was unsure how the fabric didn't tear. I hummed softly, stroking his hair and back.

“I'm _useless_ ,” Gethorn sobbed.

“Don't say that,” I chided gently. “You're _not_ useless.”

“What kind of rogue can I be with only one _fucking_ arm?” Gethorn sneered.

“Hey, don't talk to your mother like that!” Garrett snapped from the doorway. “And a badass one. We'll just fix a little crossbow to your arm and you can fire arrows and cut people! You'll be a fucking beast!” Garrett sat down on the other side of Gethorn, petting his hair as he snuggled into me.

“You know,” Cullen said as he dropped down on the end of the bed, “I have heard of false limbs. They won't give you back your arm, but perhaps there are things you can attach that can give you a little more freedom. It's something we can look into. This needn't be a handicap. There was a Templar who lost his forearm and had a hook put on. He had a special shield that he could hold with it.”

“Really?” Gethorn asked, peeking at the Commander. Cullen hummed and nodded, reaching out and patting the elf's shoulder. Gethorn nodded and basked in the comfort offered for a moment before he drew back and swung his legs over the bed. He took a deep breath and stood, his back ramrod straight.

“I need to address the Exalted Council,” he said. “I can deal with being a one-armed _freak_ later.”

“Hey,” Garrett scolded. “None of that shit. You're _not_ allowed to call yourself a freak, hear me?” Gethorn gave his father a small smile and nodded.

“Yes, Babae,” he said before ducking behind the changing screen in his room to dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing that always bugged me was that it was never really addressed how the inquisitor dealt with losing his/her arm. Luckily for our Gethorn, he has a great big mis-matched family to aid him.


	136. Disbanded

Cullen and I followed Gethorn as he marched into the conference chamber, the sound of raised voices spilling into the hallway. The skirt of my formal gown fanned out behind me and Cullen marched with all the baring his station demanded, shoulders back and head held high. 

The guards opened the door, their gazes trailing to Gethorn's missing arm and I glared, causing them to look away. Gethorn strolled towards the dais where Leliana sat with Teagan and the Orlais dignitary. 

“No one has forgotten what you have done,” Teagan said with a sigh, looking down at Josephine. “But Corypheus is two years dead.”

“If the inquisition is to continue, it must do so as a legitimate organization, not a glorified mercenary band,” the dignitary said. Gethorn stepped up beside Josephine, the declaration from Justinia in his hand. He and Josephine looked at each other.

“Inquisitor,” Josephine gasped, her gaze dropping to his amputated arm. Josephine had, naturally, been informed of what had happened and stalled the council as best she could, but this was the first time she got a look at Gethorn's missing arm. Gethorn held up the book, his voice loud and clear as he addressed the council.

“You all know what this is? A writ from Divine Justinia authorizing the formation of the Inquisition!” He turned to face the spectators, showing them the book as well. “We pledged to close the breach, find those responsible and restore order! With or without anyone's approval.” Leliana smiled and nodded her head, her gaze on Gethorn. He turned back to the council, his expression fierce. I smiled. In private, Gethorn was my son who clung to his parents and siblings, laughed and had a certain childlike wonder. He liked to cuddle and be held, soaking up all the affection he had been denied when his clan had seen him as strange and someone to avoid. But, when he took up the mantle of Inquisitor, he knew what that meant and could act accordingly. He faced the council with all the baring and confidence of a man who led an entire organization, one who had fought a Darkspawn Magister and survived, albeit with a few more scars.

“It wasn't a formally authorized treaty that saved Ferelden's people,” he spat, glaring at Teagan.

“It wasn't carefully diplomacy that ended your inane civil war,” he sneered at the Dignitary. “It was never about the organization. It was about people doing what was necessary.” He dropped the writ to the floor where it landed with a loud thud, a small plume of dust escaping.

“Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a world to save...again.” He turned on his heel, facing the exit with his arm in the air.

“Effective immediately,” he called out, looking at me. Blue met violet and his determination and strength showed through. I saw what he was trying to convey and smiled

“The Inquisition is disbanded,” I said, my voice was low but carried in the dead silent room. Gethorn nodded his head once, arm dropping back to his side and strolled towards the door amidst the gasps and cries of disbelief. I looked out over the sea of faces, pride swelling in me. My son had handled that like a fucking boss. I knew Garrett would pat him on the back and declare him to be a 'true Hawke' when Cullen and I recounted the tale. I turned, my skirt twirling while Cullen spun in a military march. We both walked towards the door, leaving the crowd to their shock and rumors. I sped up my steps to walk beside Gethorn and reached down, taking his stump of an elbow in my hand. 

“You did well, ma isha'lin,” I said. “You did well.” A smile ghosted his lips but his eyes sparkled at my obvious pride.  We walked outside, finding our friends and family waiting, eager for news. I nodded my head, my hands sweeping out. 

“Disbanded.”

“So, what do we do now?” Dorian asked. I looked over at Gethorn, my gaze moving to Cullen who stood a bit past him then sweeping over to Garrett who grinned at us.

“We have a big party on Celene's coin then go back to Skyhold and start packing,” I said. 

“What will happen to Skyhold?” Bull asked.

“It will always be open to the weary traveler,” I said. “We leave what we can to those who may need it.”

“A brilliant idea, baby,” Garrett said.

“Yes, I agree,” Josephine said. “I must contact people to sell what we must and the rest will remain.”

“Which means I'll be at Skyhold long after you guys leave,” Madison groaned. We all laughed and I looked up at the sun which had started to make it's decent.

“Come, my darling husbands,” I cooed. “We will get the baby's dinner and ready for bed, then go off to party. Wait until you see the dress I got.” I turned, shooting them a coy smile before strolling towards our rooms. Garrett and Cullen looked at each other wide-eyed before chasing after me.

“Wait, you got a new dress?” Garrett asked. “When?”

“Is it revealing?” Cullen questioned. I giggled and darted down the hall, avoiding their questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapters, but there wasn't a whole lot to put. Anyway. onward!


	137. Party In Orlais

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING!!!**  
>  rape-play, public sex, dubcon, etc, etc.

“We already said ' _no_ ',” Garrett scolded and I giggled, finishing my makeup.

“But Babae! I _wanna_ go!” came Malcolm's whine.

“It's an adult party, pup,” Cullen said.

“Mally, I don't wanna go,” Emilia said in a soft voice.

“How can you not?!” Malcolm asked. “And why does _Getty_ get to go?” I stepped out of the room, looking down at Malcolm who stood between his father's, arms crossed while Emilia clung to Cullen's leg and the Nanny the palace servant had gotten me looked around nervously.

“Because your brother is an adult,” I said. “Now, Babae and Papa said you weren't going and you're not.”

“But _Mamae_...!” he complained.

“ _Enough_ , son,” I said sternly. “The next party we have, you can go. But tonight, you need to stay here. You're both already tired enough.”

“ _But_...”

“Son, give it a rest,” Cullen snapped. “No means no! If I hear anything else about it you'll get a paddling.”

“Y-Yes, Papa,” Malcolm said, knowing he had crossed the line. It was very seldom that he got threatened with a paddle. 

I walked over to the child and bent down, lifting him up to my hip.

“I love you, Malcolm,” I said, kissing him.

“I love you, too, Mamae,” he said in a sulky voice, resting his head on my shoulder. I smiled at him, knowing he would get over his anger and set him on the ground. I reached for Emilia who was eager to be lifted and pressed a kiss to her lips.

“I love you, Emilia.”

“Love you, Mamae,” she chirped. I set her down and stepped back, letting the men kiss the children goodnight. We left the apartments, leaving the kids with the Nanny and the Mabari they had named, Barkspawn *****.

Once we were out in the hall, I was accosted by my husbands.

“Damn, baby,” Garrett had moaned, pushing me against Cullen who turned my head to the side to kiss my neck. I wore a blue dress with thick beaded straps that held it on my shoulders and fell around my biceps. A plunging neckline exposed a great amount of cleavage and the skirt fell to midthigh. Tightly pleated strips of sheer fabric fell from the jeweled design at the waist to the floor, creating an illusion that I was wearing a full skirt until I moved. I had piled my hair on top of my head in a mess of haphazard curls and put on a little bit of makeup along with some of the more simple jewelry Leliana had gotten for me to wear when I attended these parties. Flat black shoes with long gold straps that wove up my calves covered my feet. Leliana and I had argued endlessly over letter's on whether or not they should be heels, but I had won out in the end, declaring I hated heels and would rather run around barefoot.

Rough hands slid up my thigh and I pushed Garrett back, stepping away from Cullen.

“Behave, boys,” I teased. Cullen reached out, seizing me by the back of the neck and dragging me back. He drug his tongue around the shell of my ear before nipping and sucking the lobe.

“We'll do as we please, my love,” he breathed. “Maybe we should have you walk around with those balls inside you.” I moaned, crying out when Garrett slid his hand between my thighs.

“We might not make it to the party,” he growled.

“Please,” I whimpered. “I want to go.”

“You're getting it tonight,” Cullen groaned in my ear. I gasped as Garrett tugged his fingers free, sucking them into his mouth.

“She's already wet,” he panted as he sucked the clear fluid from them.

“Should we have a little taste?” Cullen asked Garrett.

“No, please,” I gasped, trying to pull away. Garrett grabbed me, pinning me to the wall. Cullen held my shoulders to the marble as Garrett knelt down, hooking one of my legs over his shoulder and pushing my skirt aside. Cullen swallowed my moans in a hot kiss while Garrett plunged his tongue inside me. The hall was empty but I knew someone could walk by and see us. I could picture Cullen using his body to shield us while Garrett subtly wiped his mouth and rose to his feet, explaining that he was just helping me with my shoes. I'd be expected to act fine even though they'd been toying with me, smiling at the person and trying to fight back the flush on my cheeks and the brightness in my eyes. 

I bucked my hips against Garrett's tongue, clinging to Cullen desperately. Calloused hands cupped my breast, fingers circling my nipple. At the first tug, my back arched sharply, a cry spilling from my lips.

“Please,” I sobbed.

“Cum,” Cullen whispered in my ear and Garrett pushed two fingers inside me. I climaxed, hips jerking eagerly as I tightly gripped Cullen's shoulders.

When I came down, they pulled back, setting our clothes to rights and trying to coax me into lucidity. 

“I'm okay,” I sighed, smoothing my skirt down and straightening my back.

“Creators, you guys are like gross teen's,” Gethorn said, eyeing us in disgust. “It seems like every time I turn a corner, you're there and it's obvious you've been doing _something_.”

“At least you haven't caught us in the act, yet,” Cullen teased. Gethorn gagged and looked a little green at the prospect.

“Just be glad your parents love each other,” Garrett said.

“Yeah, I wish you 'loved' each other in your _bedroom_ instead of the hall,” the elf huffed. I laughed and walked over, hooking my elbow around his.

“Come, let's get to the party.” Gethorn nodded and we quickly made our way to the ballroom, music spilling out into the vestibule. It wasn't the grand affair the previous time here had been. People were dressed a bit more casually and the music had more of a beat to it. Those on the dance floor moved with less grace and seemed to just be having fun. Gethorn and I ran around, talking to our friends and enjoying that we could be at a formal party and act how we wanted without having to put on a front to make sure the Inquisition's reputation remained intact. 

“This is fun,” my son said, downing his fourth glass of wine. I giggled and pulled him towards the dance floor, directing the band to play the most upbeat song they knew.  
Gethorn and I twirls around the polished floor, mixing the more common dances with formal dance steps and just having fun.

“This is great,” he sighed. “No worries, no diplomacy, no grand game.”

“No more assassins or dangerous missions. Just you, me, your dad's, your siblings, the dogs, and home.” Gethorn hugged me tightly, swaying to the beat of the music.

“What will I do with myself?” he asked.

“Whatever you wish,” I said. “You're a Hawke, you're the Inquisitor, the _world_ is your oyster!” Gethorn twirled me, laughing.

“I love you, Mamae,” he said. “Thank you for giving me a place in the world.”

“Thank you for not executing me on sight,” I teased. He laughed and shook his head, turning as something caught his eye. His face lit up and I followed his gaze, seeing Michel watching us from the balcony, leaning on the railing with a smile on his lips. I giggled and pulled him to a stop, pressing a kiss to his cheek and shooing him towards his lover. He cast me a grateful look before dashing up the steps, taking them two at a time. I watched Michel turn to Gethorn, throwing his arms open wide. My son slammed into the elf-blooded man, winding his one arm around his neck as he mashed their lips together. It may have just been a trick of the light, but I was certain I saw tears on my eldest's cheek. Michel pulled back, laughing and saying something to him. Gethorn closed his eyes, head tilting down and I knew he was crying, his mouth pulled down and his shoulders jerking in a sob. Michel cupped his cheeks, ducking down to try and look into Gethorn's tightly clenched eyes. My heart broke as I watched. We hadn't gotten to tell Michel about Gethorn losing his arm. He had already been on his way when it happened and we were unsure if the raven would get to him in time.

Gethorn looked up at Michel, shaking his head as he spoke to him. Michel pulled back, a puzzled look on his face and looked down to where my son held his amputated arm out. Michel fell silent as his ice colored eyes landed on the appendage. He stared at it for a long moment, his face blank as he tried to process what he had just been told. I chewed my lip, watching the two young men, hoping Michel didn't recoil in disgust, hoping he could accept this with grace. 

Slowly his lips curled into a wide smile and he jerked his head to Gethorn, looking excited. He said something, eager eyes searching my child's face. Gethorn looked stunned, violet eyes wide and mouth hanging open in shock. He then laughed, nuzzling his cheek into Michel's gloved palm. Ever so slowly, he nodded his head and Michel laughed, pulling Gethorn in for another kiss, both of them smiling.

“Whew. I thought I might have to kill the kid.” I turned and found Garrett at my shoulder, his golden gaze locked on our son and his lover. Those glowing eyes fell on me and he smiled.

“I wonder what they're talking about,” I said.

“Let the kids have their night, Mamae,” he said, tugging me toward the balcony on the opposite end of the room from the boys. “Our boy needs this right now.”

“It wasn't so long ago, that was the kind of reunion we had,” I said softly.

“Don't remind me,” he said. “I was sick with worry.”

“Not worried enough not to fuck with our husband,” I giggled.

“Hey, my fucking led to him being our husband, thank you _very_ much!”

I snickered and looked around the room.

“Speaking of,” I said, pointing towards a group of people. “Our poor lover is trying to dodge more marriage proposal's.” Garret gave me a sharp smack on the rump and grinned.

“Go get 'em, baby,” he growled. I squeaked and laughed, quickly making my way to Cullen who was ringed by a group of Orlesian's that had managed to gain an invitation to the party. I ducked between them and seized my husband by the elbow.

“ _There_ you are!” I cried. “Come.” I tugged him away from the bunch and towards Garrett.

“Wait! Madam Seer, surely you can spare the Commander,” said one woman, her eyes on Cullen's rump. I pushed back the anger and smiled at her sweetly.

“Afraid not,” I said, turning back around.

“What do you need him for?” huffed a man wearing a lace mask.

“Why, I simply must drag him into a corner and have my way with him,” I cooed. “He looks so dashing in his formal wear I _can't_ resist.” I turned and pulled him away without another word, Cullen smirking at me while awkward laughter came from behind us.

“I _told_ them I was involved with someone,” he said.

“I was about to light that one's skirt on _fire_ is she touched you again,” I snarled.

“My, aren't we possessive tonight?” he teased, slipping his arm from my grasp and wrapping it around my shoulders.

“You're mine and Garrett's,” I mewled, leaning into him. “I don't want their filthy hands on you.” He eyed me for a moment before looking over and nodding to Garrett. He guided me towards the Vestibule, pulling me into a deserted hallway. He gave a quick look around before pushing me against the wall, his hand on my throat. I gasped, my hands flying to his wrist as I looked up at him. He bent down, gritting his teeth as he hissed in my ear;

“If one more noble tried to look under your skirt while you were dancing I was going to fuck you in the middle of the ballroom.”

I moaned my knee's buckling.

“I say we fuck her now,” came Garrett's voice. Cullen looked around, then ducked behind a large tapestry, pulling me with him. I found myself in a narrow hallway with a door behind Cullen. Garrett replaced the tapestry behind him, smirking.

“It's where we snuck soldiers in,” Cullen explained with a shrug. He pulled my hips back against him, pushing the strips of fabric out of the way and pushing the dress up to my waist. His fingers probed me and he groaned.

“You're already wet,” he said. Garrett jerked my top down, exposing my breast to the chill air of the palace. His lips found one of my nipples, sucking softly. It felt good, but it wasn't enough until he bit me. I clapped my hand over my mouth, muffling my shriek. Cullen worked his fingers inside me, bending over and sucking on my neck as he did.

“Please, please, please,” I chanted, desperate to be filled. Being so close to the party goers, so close to being found out made me excited. Anyone could walk over and hear us. I heard the clink of a belt and Cullen fumbled with his pants before slamming himself inside me. My mouth hung open in a silent scream and I pitched forward, grabbing Garrett's shoulders for support. He smirked and dropped to his knee's, pushing my thighs wide so it was hard to balance and I was forced to rely on them for support. He ducked between my legs, sucking my clit as Cullen fucked me brutally.

“Did you wear this dress so the other's would stare at you?” Cullen growled, his hand gripping my throat gently. I shook my head, one hand reaching up to brace on the wall while the other gripped Garrett's shoulder.

“I bet you did,” Cullen hissed, leaning over my back as he continued to thrust into me. “I bet you wanted them to look at your naked little cunny under your dress, still wet from where Garrett fucked you with his tongue.”

“Nooo,” I moaned, gasping as a sharp slap was delivered to my rump.

“Don't lie,” he snarled, squeezing my throat. “You wanted me to fuck you in front of everyone, didn't you, Seer? You just had to dress like a whore. You say no, but you fucking tempt us.” I mewled, bucking back against him.

“You love this,” he spat.

“No,” I gasped.

“Liar. Look at you fucking yourself on my cock. I bet you're close. That's okay, love. Cum for me. I'll fill your little cunny.” I did as I was told, my hands slamming on either wall as I braced myself, my legs shaking. Cullen groaned as he pumped me full, giving sharp thrusts as he did. My orgasm subsided and Cullen pulled me back against his chest, his cock slipping free. Garrett kissed along my stomach, rising slowly as his lips worshipped me.

“I love you,” he moaned. “So much.”

“I love you, too,” I panted. He pulled my hips forward, flipping the panels over my hips. His cock slid inside me, lifting one of my legs as he did. I whimpered, the leg I was using for balance, shaking.

“I can't,” I whined. “I can't stand.” Cullen wrapped one arm around my waist tightly while Garrett gripped my hips, moving so I was forced to wrap my legs around him. Garrett began fucking me with abandon while Cullen's free hand teased my breast, twisting and rubbing my nipples.

“Maker, I wish you could see this, Cul,” he panted. “I left love bites on her cunny. Fuck, and the look on her face.”

“You should be in my place,” Cullen groaned. “Her moaning in my ear while I watch you fuck her. Maker, it's sexy.” I gripped the back of Cullen's head, twisting my fingers in his hair and turning him so I could kiss him. He quickly gave in, flicking his tongue in my mouth. 

“Maker, we have the sexiest wife in the world,” Garrett said in a rush, groaning. I tensed, my climax approaching and no order given for me to cum. 

“Not yet,” Garrett panted, interpreting my choked moan. “Not yet, slut. Wait until I'm ready to fill you. I want to make sure you get pregnant. We need to give the kids more siblings.”

“Maybe another sister,” Cullen suggested. “Emilia could use another girl. Right, baby? You're gonna give us a cute little girl next, aren't you?” I moaned, unable to form words. Cullen reached down, rubbing my clit in slow circles. I kicked my legs, bucking wildly against Garrett.

“Oh shit,” Garrett gasped. “Cum. You gotta cum. I'm gonna....nnnnn.” Garrett exploded inside me, shooting rope after rope of seed into me. I wailed my own climax, Cullen's hand clamping over my mouth. The two eased me down to the floor where I lay between them, boneless.

“Well, we broke our wife... _again_.”

“She's not broken, she's perfect.”

“Mmmhmm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Barkspawn- I couldn't resist. I apologize for nothing.


	138. Cry Pretty

I stood in the Rotunda at Skyhold. My eyes swept over the painted walls which depicted Gethorn and mine's journey as figureheads of the Inquisition.

I had forgotten.

In the wake of Gethorn's sickness and disbanding the Inquisition, I had lost track of my father's betrayal, pushed it to the back of my mind, not wanting to think of it, not having the time to think of it. I had come in here to drop off a book my father had lent me a while back, but I suddenly realized how foolish that was. He wouldn't return to Skyhold for it, or anything else. I recalled him, standing before the Eluvian, dressed similar to the Sentenials, glittering armor molded to him perfectly with a wolf pelt wrapped around his chest.

_He was no longer Solas._

_Now he was Fen'Harel._

I was rooted to the spot, unable to move. The book fell from my lax grip to the floor as I recalled my father turning from me, giving me the promise that our families would be safe, no matter what he chose. The voices of the Well brushed through my mind, whispering the knowledge of Fen'Harel but I silenced them. Would I really be forced to fight against my father? Would I really stand across from him on a battlefield and beg him to stop? I didn't know what the future would bring and that thought terrified me. When we had been fighting Corypheus, I had some idea of how it would end, but now...

My gaze landed on my father's desk, where he had spent so much time pouring over books and magic. This was my father's castle, where he had raised the veil, where he had taken my mother, where he had cast her aside and where he had tried to take it back.

My knee's hit the stone floor and I curled in on myself, one sob giving way to another and another.

_I had felt so sure that I had changed his mind. I had relaxed, enjoyed having a parent who loved and cared for me, who treasured me, who worried. But I knew that it was his love for me and Madison that had fueled this. We deserved the kingdom and power he had had once. We were not what we should be._

I gripped my head, a scream on my lips.

 _He brought the veil down to save the Elvhen people, his sorrow at_ losing _both Mythal and us fueling his rage._

I banged my fists on the unyielding stone, pain racing up my arms.

 _We had shown him that_ there _was beauty in this world, there was love and that love had cemented his determination to make it better._

“ _GOD DAMMIT_!” I cried. Hands gripped me, pulling me into a warm chest as arms cradled me. The scent of Elfroot and Lyrium filled my nose and I knew it was Garrett.

“Shhhh, I know, baby,” he cooed. “I know. Don't hurt yourself. Just let it out.” He rocked me, pressing my face into his neck and rubbing his cheek against my hair. I wailed into his shirt, sobbing out my pain. He hugged me so tightly I felt my bones creak but I didn't tell him to stop. The pain grounded me, the firmness of his embrace held me together.

“It's all right, baby. Just cry,” he encouraged. “I'm here. I won't let you go.”

_My son had stared at his arm, unsure how to live with only one hand. Staring at the web of scars in the mirror before turning away in disgust._

I screamed against Garrett's chest, beating my fists on him.

“I've got you, baby. I've got you. It's all right. I'm here. I'll never let you go.”

_Gethorn calling himself a freak and screaming when Michel had reached for him.  Michel had swore in Orlesian, surging forward and seizing the former Inquisitor by both arms._

_“Stop saying that!” he had cried. “You are not a freak! No more than I am! I won't let you end it because you're scared! I love you!”_

I wrapped my arms around Garrett, clawing at his back as I wailed, desperate for him, wanting him to hold me tighter, wanting to be closer.

“I know. I'm here. I'm always here. It's okay. I love you. I've got you. Do you need Cullen, too? I can go get him.”

“No!” I screamed. “Don't leave me!” Garrett quickly tightened his grip, kissing along the side of my face.

“I won't, shhhh. I'm here. I promise. I won't leave.” Garrett stood, keeping his tight grip on me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, letting him carry me like an overgrown child the blessedly short distance to Cullen's office. He walked in and I saw Cullen look up, his jaw dropping.

“Everyone OUT!” he shouted in his best Commander voice. There was a flurry of movement and the doors slammed shut. Somehow I was carried up the ladder and set on the bed, Cullen joining us, his armor dropping haphazardly to the ground. He pressed against my back, trapping me between him and Garrett.

“We've got you, love,” he soothed and my tears began anew.

 _If Solas brought down the Veil, I would be immortal, doomed to watch Cullen and Garrett die, knowing that I could never join them in the afterlife. Even if I entered_ Uthenra _, I would be forever parted from them._

I screamed again and Cullen pressed frantic kisses to the back of my neck.

“Let it out, love,” he said. “We've got you. Just let go.”

“We'll stay here as long as you want,” Garrett said. “We'll hold you forever if you need us to.”

I continued to weep until I had no more tears left to give and fell into a restless sleep.

I awoke to find Madison in the bed with me, curled into my side. As I shifted, he awoke and smiled at me.

“Your husbands thought we might need each other,” he said. I curled into him, resting my head on his narrow chest.

“They were right,” I said. “It hurts.”

“I know. But you're not alone. _We're_ not alone.”

“Do you ever think they'd be better off if we hadn't come?” I asked. Madison was silent for a long time, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“No,” he said finally. “You gave them hope, you gave two men a reason to live, you gave the Inquisitor love and something to hold on to.”

“What about what you gave them?” I asked.

“Why, all the horrible dad jokes they could ever want and many blunted arrows to the butt.”

I laughed, snuggling into my brother, soaking up the warmth and light from our bond.

“You gave them more than that,” I said. “You gave them confidence, you gave Josephine hope that there would be something after this, you gave me a clear perspective, you gave Varric a like mind to talk with, you gave Solas a reason, you gave me your blessing for my love, no matter how mismatched my family is becoming.”

“You will always have my blessing for whatever makes you happy,” he said, kissing my brow. I smiled and let myself drift back off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given everything that's happened, it was about time for Michelle to have a break-down


	139. Morning After

I looked up at the dilapidated building's, my hands firmly on my hips. 

“Wow, what a _dump_ ,” Garrett whistled. 

“Garrett!” I chastised. 

“No, he's right,” Cullen said. “It's a mess.” 

“It just needs some TLC,” I said. “What was this place anyway?” 

“Leliana said it was for training soldiers,” Cullen said. My gaze swept over the wide expanse of land, dotted with the occasional building. I could see how it may have been a training ground once. It appeared the outer buildings may have been the barracks with their longer shapes. I smiled and cracked my knuckles, rubbing my hands up my arms left bare by my sleeveless tunic then quickly tied my hair up on top of my head. 

“Let's get to fixin',” I said, marching forward and snatching up a crowbar and mallet. 

“Baby, do you know _how_ to do carpentry?” Garrett asked. 

“I know a little,” I said. “Anything complicated, I'll get you guys to do it.” 

“Is it wrong to be turned on at the thought of her doing basic carpentry?” Cullen asked. 

“Nope,” Garrett said, his lips popping at the end of the word. I took the center building that seemed to have been a type of kitchen. I walked over to the ancient stove and opened the door, sighing as piles of leaves and sticks cascaded out. 

“Love, don't just reach in there!” Cullen called. “Something may be _living_ in there!” 

“There _is_!” I laughed, peering into the stove. “A possum!” I reached in, grabbing the thing's tail and pulling it out. It slumped in my grip, playing dead and I quickly carried it towards the door. 

“Baby, put that thing down,” Garrett sighed. 

“Would you two stop being such _girls_?” I asked, walking out to a patch of grass. “It's just playing dead.” I gave it a little shake before laying it on the ground. It roused, giving me a dirty look and hissing at me before meandering off. I smiled and returned to the kitchen, my gaze falling to the children. 

“Okay,” I said. “Mamae's taking the kitchen!” 

“I saw a well,” Garrett said. “I can clean it out and any other's so we have clean water.” He wiggled his fingers, magic dancing between them. 

“I'm going to go tackle the smithery,” Cullen said. “Well...I think it's the smithery. The building behind this one.” 

“Okay,” I said, clapping. “Who wants to go with who?” 

“I'll go with Babae,” Gethorn said, waving his stump of an arm with its rubber hook. 

“I wanna go with Papa,” Malcolm said, running and jumping into Cullen's arms. 

“I will go with Mamae,” Emilia said delicately. I reached down, petting the mess of wild golden curls on my daughters head. She smiled up at me and took my hand, walking towards the kitchen while her father's and brothers left. 

“Here's what we're gonna do, my love,” I said to her. “We'll clean out the cabinets and stove and dump everything to the floor. Then we'll get a cloth and sweep all the mess into it and take it out to burn. Sound good?” 

“Yes, Mamae,” she said with a smile. Emilia was vastly different from her brothers. Where they liked to be rambunctious and messy, she preferred being clean and sitting in a quiet room. I was concerned she was depressed or didn't know how to connect but Cullen assured me he was very similar as a child. Malcolm liked to call her 'prissy' and he wasn't wrong. She liked pretty things but, so did I. Isabela liked to bring her back jewelry or some other glittering bobble from her trips until Emilia had a small collection of them that she coveted and kept in a small chest under her bed. 

I handed my daughter a  small broom and began clearing out the stove, reaching in and pulling out the mess. I was tempted to just burn it all, but I didn't know how good the pipes were and didn't want to catch the entire building on fire. Emilia opened cupboards and swept out any dirt or dust she found, squealing when she happened upon a nest of squirrels. I had rescued her, using a little magic to scar the rodents off. 

“I wish I had magic,” Emilia huffed. 

“You still may,” I said. “And if you don't, then you don't. You're a smart girl, you don't need magic.”

“But you and Babae and Malcolm have magic!” she protested. 

“Papa and Getty don't,” I pointed out. “Auntie Iz doesn't. Aunt Aveline, Uncle Donnic, Uncle Fenris, Aunt Leliana, Aunt Josephine...They don't have magic.” 

“Baela and Uncle Madison do,” she huffed. 

“My love,” I chuckled, petting her mess of curls. “Most of those you know _don't_ have magic.” 

“Did your Mamae have magic?” she asked. 

“I...yes. But she wasn't very strong,” I said. “I'm more powerful than she was.” 

“I want magic,” Emilia whimpered. 

“You're perfect as you are, my love,” I assured her. “Magic or no magic.” She sighed, knowing it was a lost cause to talk to me about this and went back to cleaning. I sang softly, pulling my phone out of my pocket and turning the music on so we had a beat to move to. 

“You love music, don't you, Mamae?” she asked. 

“I do,” I said. “I miss all the different music from my world.” 

“Do you ever want to go back?” she inquired. 

“No. I love it here with Babae and Papa and you and your siblings. I wouldn't want to leave that. I miss some of the things from that world, but I would never want to leave you guys behind.” She hummed, falling silent again. One thing I had learned when Emilia began to articulate herself, was she was a very thoughtful child. When she fell silent like that, I knew her little mind was working and it was usually on something that required a difficult explanation. I sang along to 'Angel With A Shotgun' by the Cab, dancing around as I cleaned. 

“Mamae!” came Malcolm's laughing voice. 

“Yes?” 

“Papa said to open the windows and use your speaker! He likes this song!” I giggled and went out to the cart, retrieving the metal tub from one of my bags and sticking my phone in it, positioning it by the back most window, opening the shutters wide. I looked out and saw Cullen covered in black soot,  giving me a thumbs up as he bobbed his head to the tune. I giggled, blowing him a kiss before going back to cleaning. I knew he would be in here soon singing to me while he danced around the room with me. My husband's both liked to upbeat tunes I listened to and it made me laugh when they got wrapped up in a song. 

“Mamae?” came my daughter's soft voice. 

“Yes, my love?” I asked. 

“Why do I have a different name?” I paused, turning to her in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” I asked. 

“You, Babae, Malcolm and Getty. You're all 'Hawke'. Why am I 'Rutherford'?” I gently set the broom against the wall and turned, trying to think of how to explain this to her. 

“You know how I told you that father's put baby's in mother's bellies?” I asked. She nodded slowly, blue eyes focused on me. 

“Well...Babae put Malcolm in Mamae's belly, so he's a Hawke. Papa put you in my belly so you have his name.” 

“But why are you a 'Hawke'?” she questioned. 

“Because I married Babae,” I said. 

“But you married Papa, too.” 

“True,” I said. “Technically, my name is Hawke-Rutherford. But most people don't know that.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because they wouldn't understand that I love both Babae and Papa.” I tried not to let my daughter see how difficult it was to explain this. It truly wasn't something she would understand until she was older and I didn't wish to confuse her. I looked at her puzzled expression and sighed, reaching down and lifting her up, setting her carefully on the counter. 

“People think that I should only love Babae and only be his wife,” I said. “And for some people, that works. But I love Papa and Babae, just like Babae loves both me and Papa and vice versa. They don't understand.” 

“Why not?” she asked, her head tilting slightly. 

“They just don't,” I said. “They are happy just being married to one person, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just like there's nothing wrong with me loving two people. They just don't understand.” 

“Don't think on it too much, pup,” Cullen said, swinging into the room, his hand gripping the door frame. “Just know you get two fathers, a wonderful mother and tons of siblings all of who love you. You'll understand more when you're older.” 

“All right,” she said, hopping down from the counter and picking up her broom. I sighed and walked over to my grinning husband who bent down, kissing my cheek. 

“How do you do that?” I asked. “You just know how to answer her questions.” Cullen laughed and tapped his temple with the index finger of his free hand. 

“She thinks a lot like I do, or did when I was younger,” he said. “Sometimes she doesn't want an answer right away. She just wants to know there is one and she will get it eventually.” I shook my head and sighed. 

“She's definitely your daughter.” He hummed in agreement, eyes darting to where the little girl was sweeping dead leaves out of a cabinet. 

“She's very much yours too,” he reminded me. “She has your calming presence and gentle heart.” I looked up at the former Commander, smiling. 

“You say the sweetest things,” I cooed, leaning against him. He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into the room as 'Angel With A Shotgun' came blasting out of the speaker once more. He sang along, twirling me around the room to the beat of the music. 

“You two are gross,” Emilia sniffed when Cullen dipped me, placing a loud overly dramatic kiss on my lips. 

“Be glad your parent's love each other,” Cullen told her. “Not everyone can say that.” 

“Papa, someone's coming!” Malcolm cried and we all jogged out the door to see a large carriage driven by a small team of horses headed right for us. 

“Oh shit,” I swore as I saw a flash of golden hair hanging out the window. 

“What?” Cullen asked, lifting his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. “Who is it?” 

“Don't hurt me,” I said, shying away from him even though I knew he would never hurt me in anger. “I invited your family.” 

“What?!” he shouted, turning to me. “Why didn't you tell me?!” 

“I forgot!” I cried. 

“Oh, I'm going to get you!” he threatened. I squealed and took off running towards the carriage, Cullen giving chase. That glint of gold ducked back into the carriage before there was a chorus of shouts and a woman was jumping out, racing towards us. 

“Mia!” I cried. She threw her arms open and grabbed me, laughing. Mia was almost a clone of Cullen. Her face was a soft square with broad cheekbones and bright amber eyes. Long golden hair cascaded over her shoulders and her full lips were pulled into a wide smile as she embraced me. She was someone I could see commanding an army of her own with her strong shoulders and sharp gaze. 

“Save me!” I begged. “You're brother is going to kill me!” 

“What, _why_?” she asked, gold eyes growing wide as they turned to her sibling. 

“I forgot to tell him you were coming!” I said. She laughed again, waving it off. 

“Well, surprise, then!” she said to Cullen. 

“Nice to meet you, by the way,” I told her, looking up at her. 

“And you!” she chirped. “I've heard so much about you!” She hugged me tightly, her cheek pressing to mine. 

“You and Cullen look so much alike!” I marveled. 

“We get that,” she giggled, pulling from me and walking to where Cullen stood. “No greeting for your big sister?” He smirked and uncrossed his arms, pulling her to his chest in a bear hug. 

“That's more like it!” she snapped, hugging him back. I laughed at the two, looking over as the carriage pulled to a stop. 

“Mia, you bonker's bird!” came a male voice and out of the carriage stepped a man several years younger than Cullen. I could see this was Branson, and he looked very similar to my husband. His hair was a bit darker and he sported a goatee instead of a beard. His eyes were shaped differently as was his mouth. He was just as broad as my husband, though he lacked some of the muscle. 

“Sister!” he called and pulled me into a hug. “Son! Get out here!” I looked past Branson's arm to see a Boy barely older than Malcolm leap out of the carriage, amber eyes peering excitedly beneath a mop of brown hair.

“Hey, Auntie,” the boy greeted. 

“Hello, Julien,” I greeted, pulling back from Branson. The boy smiled at me shyly and I reached my hand out.

"It's nice to meet you," I said, shaking his hand.

 A head of fiery red hair poked out of the carriage and a woman who looked to be in her early twenties jumped out. 

“Oh thank the Maker,” she groaned. My jaw dropped when I saw her. She looked like an older Emilia.

“Oh my god,” I gasped. “Cullen! Cullen! Your sister looks like an adult Emilia!” 

“Really?” Cullen asked, ducking around his brother and nephew to stand at my side. “Maker you're right! I never noticed!” I giggled, stomping my feet. 

“She's definitely your kid,” I laughed. “You can't ever deny it now!” 

“Like I planned to,” he snorted, reaching out and pulling his baby sister into a hug. Rosalie turned and gave me a hug as well, a smile tugging at her lips. 

“My brother hardly did you justice,” she said. “You're not what I pictured.” 

“Is that good or bad?” I asked with a grin. 

“Good,” she said cheerfully. “You're much prettier and less...I don't know...scary. I sort of pictured you as a big burly warrior woman.” 

“I... _what_ did you say about me?” I asked, turning to my husband. 

“Not _that_!” he defended. “I said you were strong and feisty, not some Qunari _battleax_!” 

“He went into a long description of how you were incredibly strong and talented,” Mia said. “That you were very 'unique' in appearance but he thought you were beautiful, regardless. He also mentioned you had scars you were self-conscious about.” I turned to look at the blushing ex-Templar, a grin tugging at my lips. 

“Were you writing your siblings or did you misplace a diary page?” I asked, causing Branson to let out a bark of laughter. 

“I got a _little_ carried away,” Cullen said. 

“And a little drunk,” Mia said. “I could smell the booze on the page, not to mention his handwriting got progressively _worse_.” 

“When did you write this?” I asked, wondering when I had seen him drunk write his sister. 

“When you went off to fight Corypheus,” Cullen said in a low voice. “I had just gotten back from the Tavern with Garrett. I forgot I had sent it until I got a reply.”

“My husband drunk dialed his sister while I went off to fight a Darkspawn Magister to tell her how awesome I was before we were even together?” 

“I...er....yes,” Cullen said. 

“What is 'dialed'?” Rosalie asked. 

“That is so sweet, love,” I cooed, pulling him down for a kiss. 

“Awwwwe,” his siblings all cooed in sickeningly sweet tones. 

“Mamae?” 

I pulled away from Cullen and saw Malcolm and Emilia standing just inside the door to the kitchen, watching us with curious expressions. 

“Oh, my baby's!” I said. “Come meet your Papa's siblings! Cullen, holler for Garret and Gethorn, would you?” 

“Sure,” he said, cupping his hands around his mouth and pausing to give me enough time to jam my fingers in my ears. “GARRETT! GETHORN! COME UP FRONT! WE HAVE GUESTS!” 

I pulled my fingers out of my ears and beckoned my youngest children over. Malcolm ran and jumped into Mia's outstretched arms while Emilia scurried around anyone who attempted to grab her and clung to my legs. 

“Mamae,” she whimpered. 

“Hi!” Malcolm greeted. “I'm Malcolm Hawke!” 

“I'm Mia Rutherford,” Mia greeted. “I'm your Papa's sister.” 

“Neat!” Malcolm said. “Papa has a lot of siblings! Mamae only has the one and Babae's are all gone.” 

“Well, Papa has enough for everyone!” Mia said. 

“You don't look like Cullen,” Branson said, peering down at Malcolm. 

“That's cause that one's mine,” came Garrett's voice as he rounded the corner of the building, cleaning mud from his hands with a rag. 

“What happened to you?” Cullen asked, laughing at Garrett's mud smeared shirt. 

“I fell,” Garrett said. 

“It was funny,” Gethorn snickered as he popped around Garrett's shoulder. 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh at me,” Garret griped, stuffing the rag into his back pocket. 

“Oh stop complaining and come meet my siblings, love,” Cullen said. 

“I'm coming,” Garrett said, throwing his arms open wide. “Hello, In-laws!” Mia laughed and shifted Malcolm to her hip, letting Garrett pull her into a bear hug. 

“Damn, you look like Cullen,” Garrett told her. 

“Doesn't she?” I giggled. Garrett looked towards me, his gaze dropping to Emilia. He pulled away from Mia and knelt, holding out his hand to her. 

“C'mere Princess,” he cooed. “Why ya hiding? It's Papa's brother and sister's. Like you're brother's.” 

“Too crowded,” she whimpered. 

“C'mere,” he said, holding out his arms. “Babae will hide you.” Emilia looked at Garrett on the other side of the group longingly. The other's stepped back, smiling at her kindly and she raced to him, smacking into his chest. Garrett lifted her up, perching her on his hip as she buried her face in his neck. 

“There's my girl,” he said to her in baby talk. “Babae will protect you.” 

“Oh stop, you'll give her a complex,” I sighed. 

“You leave my princess alone,” Garrett said, pressing kisses to Emilia's cheeks. “She doesn't have to be social if she doesn't want to.” Emilia grinned, wrapping her arms around Garrett's neck.

Garrett continued his baby talk, getting more ridiculous as he began talking about how they'd go hide in the stove with the possum until Emilia was shrieking with laughter. Garrett pulled back, trailing his finger down her nose. 

“There's my happy girl,” he gushed. Cullen beamed, shaking his head as he walked over and pulled Malcolm from Mia's arms, perching the boy on his hip. 

“Well, we know Malcolm has no problem warming up to people,” the former Commander said. “He's a social butterfly, aren't you, pup?” 

“Yup!” Malcolm said. “That's why I helped command Mamae's armies!” 

“You most certainly did!” Cullen agreed, brushing a kiss over the child's brow. I rolled my eyes, looking at Mia. 

“Kids, they make the men drooling idiots,” I said. 

“Well, you do have some cute kids,” Rosalie said, walking over and holding out her arms to Malcolm. Malcolm went to her easily, arms wrapping around her shoulders in a bear hug. Garrett was convincing Emilia to give Mia a 'high five'. He loved the gesture I had taught him and thought it was funny when the kids did it. Mia snickered as she held up her hand as instructed, Emilia reaching out and slapped her palm, smiling shyly. 

I motioned Gethorn over to me, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 

“This is my oldest,” I said to Branson. “And the Inquisitor, Gethorn.” 

“A pleasure,” Branson said, holding out his hand. Gethorn shook his hand, smiling. 

“Not the Inquisitor anymore,” he said. “Just Gethorn Hawke.” 

“Quite a mismatched family you have here,” Branson laughed. 

“Yup!” I agreed. “I love it. My father is an elf and my mother was human so I'm all about the blended family.” 

“You're elf-blooded?” Julien asked. 

“I am,” I replied. 

“Nice,” the boy said. “That explains why you're so pretty!” Branson laughed and the boy blushed, having just realized what he said. I giggled and kissed the top of his head. 

“Mamae, I want food,” Emilia said. 

“Hey,” Cullen said. “Is that how you ask for something?” 

“Can I have food, please?” Emilia corrected. 

“Of course, baby,” I said, pulling away from Gethorn and going to the cart, pulling out some food stores I had packed. 

“I can't do much until the chimneys are cleaned out, but I can make sandwiches,” I offered. “I know you are all probably hungry.” 

“I'll help!” Mia said, walking over and helping me grab the food from the cart. We took it inside while we left the other's to talk and greet each other. I knew Mia was anxious to talk to me. She had confessed to stopping herself from sending me a four-page letter full of questions when I had reached out to her. 

“You're not what I expected,” she said, setting the packages on the counter. “I suppose I expected...I don't know...” 

“Well, how am I different than what you pictured?” I asked. 

“You're so down to earth,” she said. “I guess I expected you to seem more mystical. You were the Inquisition's Seer. The one who's visions saved thousands. Who managed to seduce the entire Orlesian court with the Inquisitor using only a coy smile. The one who stood against an evil Magister and rained down magic on him the likes of which haven't been seen since Arlathan!” 

“Oh Christ, is that what they say about me?” I laughed. “I assure you, stories of my deeds have been greatly inflated.” She laughed and began helping me make sandwiches, working alongside me with cheerful conversation flowing. 

“So, I have to ask,” she began, setting her knife aside. “How do you feel about my brother?” 

“I love him,” I said, looking up at her. “I married him, I had his child. I can't imagine living without him.” 

“What about Hawke?” she asked, brow cocked. 

“Garrett knows I love Cullen,” I said. “I love Garrett as well. And Garrett loves Cullen, too.” 

“All right,” she said, looking a little awkward. “I don't get it, but...” 

“I don't expect you to,” I said easily. “It's not for everyone. Really, it's not. We just kind of stumbled upon it. We love each other. Garrett loves Cullen just as much as I do. Hell, he's the one that proposed.” 

"I suppose as long as you love him..." Mia said.

“I do,” I said. “But it's not as if Cullen has gotten himself into something he doesn't understand. We came to him and told him we loved him, but he always had the option to leave. He still does if he wishes. If he truly doesn't want us anymore, he's free to go, just as I am, just as Garrett is.” 

“What do you get out of it, though?” she asked. 

“What do you get out of your relationships?” I countered. “I love them both, for different reasons, but I still love them. And yes, there are times I prefer Garrett's company to Cullen's, just as there are times the opposite is true. There are times they prefer each other's company and I'm sleeping in the guest room to get some peace and quiet.” She laughed at this, picking the knife back up and resuming cutting cheese from the block. 

“Does it feel weird when it's like that?” 

“No, not really,” I hummed. “It's just a part of it. I know my husbands love me, but I also know they love each other.” 

“Do you watch?” she asked, turning a coy smile on me. 

“Oh fuck yes!” I said. “Are you kidding? It's hot.” We giggled and looked to the door to make sure we weren't overheard. 

“All right, so, have you ever...ya know...with both at the same time?” she questioned, eyes glittering. 

“Void, yes, girl,” I said. “That's usually what we end up doing! Or they take turns.” 

“Oh my,” she breathed. “Bet you're a happy woman!” 

“You have no idea,” I snickered. 

“What are you two biddies clucking about?” Branson asked, sticking his head in the door. 

“Hey! That's my wife!” Cullen cried. 

“Sorry,” Branson called, ducking his head. 

“Oh for the Maker's sake,” Mia sighed. “We're having girl talk. Go away, Bran.” 

“I'm going!” he grumbled, pulling back out of the doorway. 

“Let's go feed the animal's before they riot,” I said, piling sandwiches up on a plate and instructing her to grab the bowl of apple slices. We walked out to find that several blankets had been thrown down on the grass and everyone seemed to be lounging on them. Garrett had his head pillowed in Cullen's lap, their hands joined and swaying in the air under Garrett's direction while Cullen rolled his eyes. Gethorn was sitting cross-legged nearby, Emilia curled in his lap and her face pressed to his shirt as Julien traced his finger along the elf's Vallaslin. Malcolm sat across from Rosalie, listening with rapt attention as she taught him a children's rhyme complete with hand movements. Branson was talking to Cullen, watching Garrett with slight uncertainty. 

“Food!” I called out. 

“Yipee!” Garrett called, jerking up into a sitting position. Unfortunately, Cullen wasn't able to move out of the way in time and Garrett's skull cracked painfully into his lower jaw. Both men reeled, gripping their injuries. 

“Ouw shit Gar!” Cullen swore. 

“Oh dammit,” Garrett groaned, easing up and turning to Cullen, rubbing his head. “I'm sorry, baby. Are you okay?” Cullen pulled his hand back from his mouth and Garrett swore when he saw blood smeared along his chin, pouring out from his lip. 

“I think you busted my lip,” Cullen said. Garrett grabbed one of the napkin's Mia offered and dabbed at his husband's lip, kissing his cheek. 

“I'm sorry, love,” he said. “I should have paid attention.” 

“It's fine,” Cullen said. “It was an accident.” He took the napkin from Garrett and dabbed his lip where it had already begun to swell slightly. 

“Let me fix it,” Garrett said, holding his hand over the wound. Cullen pulled the napkin back, closing his eyes as Garrett's fingers glowed. The wound healed, the swelling going down until no trace of it remained aside from the blood still on the former Commander's lip. 

“Thank you,” Cullen said, wiping the blood from his face. 

“Any time,” Garrett said, leaning forward and kissing the now healed lip. I set the tray in the middle, taking a seat by my spouses. Mia set the bowl and napkins down, plopping down beside Rosalie. 

“Are we sleeping here?” Julien asked. 

“No,” I said. “We're going to ride back to Kirkwall before it gets too dark. You'll stay in our home.” 

“It's a mansion, right?” Julien asked. 

“I suppose,” Garrett said. “Not as big as some, but we like it.” 

“If we had more room I don't know how we'd cope,” I said. 

“More kids,” both Garrett and Cullen said at the same time. 

“I am not a baby factory,” I huffed. “And I'm getting old.” 

“No you're not,” Garrett said. “That Elvhen blood keeps you young.” 

“It does not,” I sighed. “Stop saying that! Argh!” Garrett snickered and leaned over, kissing me. 

“I love you,” he said. 

“I love you, too, you goober,” I sighed. 

“So,” Mia began, taking a bit of apple. “Are you going to fix this place up by yourselves?”

“Mostly,” I said. “We're going to hire some professionals so we don't blow anything up.” 

“I resent that,” Cullen said. 

“I don't,” Garrett replied. “A little help wouldn't hurt so a building doesn't come down on us.” 

“Well not all of us have had magic all our lives,” Cullen said. “Some of us know other skills.” 

“Oh, you trying to say something, Templar?” Garrett asked, leaning close to Cullen's face. 

“You don't know the butt end of a sword from the point,” Cullen replied flippantly. They stared at each other before their faces broke into grins and they kissed. 

“Asshole,” Garrett complained. “You don't love me.” 

“Of course I do,” Cullen said. “I just know when to not let you touch sharp objects.” 

“I swear they're like frat boys,” I told Mia who laughed. 

“I never thought I would see you with a man,” Branson remarked to Cullen. 

“Neither did I,” Cullen admitted, looping an arm around Garrett's shoulders. “It's just him, though. No other guy.” 

“I'm special,” Garrett boasted and I snorted. 

“You're lick the windows kind of special, my dearest love,” I said. Cullen fell back laughing while Garrett sulked. 

“You are both so mean to me,” he huffed. I crawled to him, peppering his pouting lips with kisses. 

“I'm sorry, my love,” I said. “You just make it so easy sometimes.” 

“Yeah, you're easy,” he grumbled. 

“Just for my darling spouses,” I said. Garrett huffed and flopped back so his head pillowed on my lap. 

“Feed me,” he said. 

“Feed yourself,” Cullen chuckled. 

“Nope, you two have been mean to me, so feed me.” 

“Of course, my love,” I said, dangling his sandwich over his mouth. He took a bite, chewing and swallowing before biting into the apple I offered. 

“You spoil him,” Cullen said, reaching out and rubbing Garrett's chest. 

“You do your own spoiling,” I said. “And I spoil you, too. In case you forgot.” I motioned to his siblings all sitting around, watching us with amusement. 

“Yes, yes,” he conceded. “I have the best wife in the world.” 

“Glad you know it.” Cullen pecked my cheek and went back to eating, occasionally reaching over and brushing crumbs from Garrett's beard. 

“You know,” Mia hummed. “I thought watching you three would be weird. Like it would seem forced, but you move around each other so...naturally. As if you were just meant to be.” 

“We were,” I said. “I came from another world and got dumped outside of Haven. If that's not a giant red flag of destiny, I don't know what is.” 

“Too true,” Mia said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drew some pictures to make up for the absence...made it take longer to post, but I figured you'd feel it was worth it.


	140. The Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING**  
>  BDSM, punishment, rough play, limit pushing, etc.

We finished our meal, then went back to work, Mia and Rosalie joining me in the kitchen while Branson helped Cullen in the smithery and Julien tailed after Gethorn as he and Garrett went back to working on the wells. Mia was entranced by my phone, giggling when it blasted music. 

“Cullen mentioned this device, but it's just so interesting!” she cried, pressing the screen to change the song like I showed her. 

“I'll show you all the pictures on it later,” I told her. 

It wasn't long before the kitchen was cleaned out and the stove and fireplace chimney's had both been thoroughly cleaned with a broom and a little magic. My husbands had almost had a heart attack when they saw me on the roof, but I laughed it off and jumped down, my magic cushioning my fall. We quickly packed up and made the 45-minute ride to Kirkwall, dropping our carts off at the house before all going to the bathhouse. Branson and Julien seemed a little nervous about going into the communal one, but Cullen assured them it was fine and he did it all the time. Mia and I seemed to become fast friends, our correspondence no doubt lending to our ease of the other. 

I washed Emilia, working soap through her wild curls. 

“Your poor daughter,” Mia giggled. “She has her father's hair.” 

“And mine,” I said. “Malcolm doesn't have it much better.” 

“His hair's black, though,” Mia said. “He's going to be a heartbreaker with curly black hair and Garrett's looks.” 

“He is,” I agreed. “But my little Emilia will be beating them back with a stick. Golden hair, her Papa's looks, and blue eyes.” 

“You have such pretty babies,” Mia sighed dreamily. Emilia sprawled out against my chest, becoming sleepy and fussy. 

“Stop grabbing my ass,” Garrett complained. 

“Then don't put it in my face,” Cullen replied. “I can't resist.” I looked at Mia and rolled my eyes while she giggled. 

“Are they always like this?” Rosalie asked. 

“Pretty much,” I said. 

“It's kind of cute,” she mused. 

“Oi, get your finger outta me!” 

“Guys, can you wait until we're home to molest each other?” I asked. 

“No,” Cullen said with a smirk, standing and coming over to me. He put his hand on my shoulders, kneeling down and turning my head to the side so he could kiss me. I dropped my head back on his shoulder, moaning softly as he slowly explored my mouth. 

“Feeling left out, my tigress?” he asked, his hand resting on my stomach. 

“Mmm, maybe,” I purred. “Mamae needs some love, too.” 

“That she does,” he cooed, moving his lips to my neck. Emilia was lifted from my grip and rested against Garrett's chest as Cullen wrapped his arms around me, kissing my shoulder. 

“So, I have some news,” I said suddenly. 

“Mmm, are you pregnant again?” Cullen teased, kissing the nape of my neck. 

“How did you know?” I asked, pouting. 

“What, really?” he asked, looking at me. 

“ _Mmhmm_ ,” I hummed. 

“You're pregnant and you climbed on the roof?” Garrett asked. 

“Uhm...yes?” 

“I could hurt you,” he growled. 

“I'm still in the early stages!” 

“No more roofs,” Cullen said. “Do you know who's baby it is?” 

“They,” I corrected. Everyone was silent, staring at me with wide eyes. 

“They?” Cullen croaked. I held up two fingers, wiggling them back and forth. 

“Two. Two babies. And I already tested it. One for each. Your both Daddies.” 

“Time to go home and wreck my wife,” Garrett declared, snatching up a towel and wrapping it around Emilia. 

“I do not need to hear that,” Branson groaned. 

“ _Thank you_!” Gethorn cried. I laughed, standing and getting dressed while the others did the same. Emilia was clothed in her nightgown, still passed out of her father's chest and we made our way back to the estate. The kids were tucked into their beds, even Gethorn crawling into his bed and begging for kisses that Garrett and I gladly bestowed. Even Cullen pressed a quick kiss to his hair, patting his shoulder. Julien complained, but eventually let Branson coax him into going to sleep, curled up on the bed in the guest room. We all sat around the sitting room, Garrett behind me with me leaning back against him and Cullen resting his head on my belly. We chatted, talking about what we had done the past few years. 

“Why didn't your wife come?” Cullen asked Branson. 

“She's pregnant and couldn't make the trip,” Branson said. “She sends her love, though.” 

“I know how she feels,” I said. “Traveling while pregnant is a miserable experience.” 

“No travel this time,” Garrett said. “And you're going to rest.” 

“Oh not this,” I sighed. 

“Love, we almost lost you last time,” Cullen said. I paused, reaching down and threading my fingers through his hair. 

“I can get a doctor," I said. "I'll be careful. I promise."

“We'll sick Iz on you,” Garrett threatened. 

“Eek! She'll paddle me!” I cried. 

“Iz?” Branson asked. 

“Her friend,” Cullen said. “I told you about her.” 

“You made it sound like they had sex, though,” Mia commented. 

“We do,” I said. “But we're just friends.” 

“You bunch lead a weird life,” Mia remarked, shaking her head. 

“It works,” Garrett said. “And it's so hot watching her and Iz together, isn't it Cul?” 

“Maker, yes,” he said, turning his head and kissing my stomach. Garrett tilted my head back, kissing me deeply. 

“You two haven't said if you're happy about the babies,” I said in a soft voice. 

“We're thrilled, baby,” Garrett said with a gentle smile. 

“Ecstatic,” Cullen added, stealing my lips in a slow kiss. “What gender are they?” 

“I don't know,” I said. “I can't tell. Maybe it's one of each.” 

“Let's hope at least one is a girl,” Garrett said. “Poor Emilia will be overrun if they're both boys.” 

“She'll survive,” I said. 

“Let's go to bed,” Cullen said, standing up. 

“Good night,” Rosalie said as Cullen scooped me up in his arms. 

“I wanted to carry her,” Garrett complained. Cullen shrugged and passed me to the mage who grinned down at me. 

“Hey sexy,” he teased. I rolled my eyes and peered over his shoulder as he and Cullen began walking up the stairs. 

“Good night, guys,” I called to the Rutherford siblings, waving my arm. Cullen tossed his siblings a wave and followed us up to the bedroom, closing the door as Garrett laid me on the bed, tugging my clothes off. I mewled as he trailed kisses along my stomach to my neck, moaning against my skin. 

“I have to say, I loved watching you be all handy and tear up rotted floorboards.” I giggled and cupped his cheeks. 

“Like when I get all strong woman, do you?” I asked. 

“Void yes,” he breathed. 

“Spread her legs more,” Cullen instructed. “I want to see her.” Garrett pushed my legs apart, reaching down and parting my lips with his fingers so Cullen groaned. 

“Such a pretty little hole,” he remarked, pulling his clothes off. “I'm going to be buried it in tonight.” 

“Yes,” I whimpered, spreading my legs more. 

“What does my girl want?” Garrett asked, his lips hovering over mine.

“To be fucked,” I panted.

“Well, we want to play with you a bit first,” Garrett purred and I whimpered.

“Please, just fuck me,” I begged.

“Love, we've been over this,” Cullen said gently but firmly. “You're going to let us get you ready. When we don't, you get hurt.” I whined and flopped back on the bed, sulking.

“Hey, don't be like that,” Garrett said, leaning over and kissing me. “He's right.”

“I don't want to be treated like glass,” I complained. “I'm going to have months of you both basically locking me away because you're afraid.”

“Oh, is that so?” Garrett asked, brows arching. He pulled away from me, grabbing my leg and lifting it, delivering a punishing slap to my rump.

“You want it rough? Let's do it rough!” He tossed my leg to the bed, strolling over and grabbing the toy chest. He pulled it to the bed and flipped it open.

“We're going to use at least half those on you tonight,” he declared.

“Garrett, wait...” Cullen said.

“No, she wants rough, let's do rough!” Garrett snapped. I stared at the mass of toys, setting my jaw and looking up at my husband.

“Okay,” I said. “Let's do it.” Garrett turned away angrily and reached into the box, pulling out my blindfold and gap. He fastened them on me, tying my hair up on top of my head. My hands were cuffed and pulled over my head and my spreader bar was attached to my legs and ankles. Clamps were attached to my nipples and cunny lips and the metal balls were pushed inside me. I felt a plug pushed inside my anus, lube smeared on my cheeks.

“If you need to stop, clap three times,” Garrett said. “But you're such a big girl...”

“Garrett...” Cullen said warningly.

“Then you whip her,” Garrett spat and I heard him drag a chair over and flop down in it. Several seconds passed before the first blow landed, the cat-o-nine tails wrapping around my side and striking my breast. I screamed, the gag muffling the sound. The next blow landed across my back and I lurched in the chains. Blow after blow landed, harder than I was used to, but I didn't give in. I knew that if I gave in, Garrett would be right. I needed to prove I could handle this. I needed to show him that I wasn't weak and didn't need protecting all the time. 

The cat-o-nine tails were replaced with the short whip on my thighs then the switch on my breast. In between the toys inside me were switched from the balls and plug to two dildo's and then the boat. Weights were added to the clamps and Garrett occasionally choked me, his breath coming out harshly through his nose.  Finally, I was let down and the toys removed from inside me. I screamed into the gag as Garrett shoved inside me and began brutally fucking me. I was soaked, my fluids smeared down my thighs, making a loud wet sound as I was pounded. A hand at my throat cut off my air and I gasped, feeling his push my spreader bar up so I had no leverage and no choice but to take his cock. He groaned as he climaxed, pulling out before Cullen took his place. Cullen slammed his cock into me hard, the spreader bar digging into my rib. I wailed as I squirted, fluid gushing out over his cock. He swore and fucked me harder, slapping my bouncing breast. I felt him climax and collapsed, thinking it was done. Cullen pulled out and I felt hands on my legs before Garrett was pushing into me again, slower this time.

“Feeling a little less _rebellious_?” Garrett asked, gently kissing along my neck. I shook my head and he growled, biting down on my shoulder.

“Fine,” he bit out and began his violent thrusts. On and on it went. I lost track of my orgasms, how many times I had been filled. My back hurt as did my breast, ass and pussy lips. Cullen eventually removed the clamps, spending several minutes tenderly kissing and licking the sore flesh. I had climaxed at the tender treatment, making Cullen pause. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, the blindfold was soaked with tears while my hair was wet with sweat. My skin hurt and I didn't think I could take another orgasm. I clapped my hands, a sob escaping from around the gag. All movement stopped and the cock inside me withdrew. The spreader bar and removed and the muscles in my legs massaged until they relaxed. My arms were rubbed as were my hips. Gentle healing magic washed over me and the burning in my back, ass, thighs, and breast ceased. The gag was removed and cool water poured down my throat. Finally, the blindfold was pulled off and I let my eyes focus on the concerned faces of my husbands. Hands cupped my cheeks and bearded lips pressed to mine before brushing over my eyes and brow.

“It is our honor and pleasure to care for you,” Garrett said. “Don't _ever_ undermine that.” I lifted my weak arms and wrapped them around his neck, whimpering when he kissed me again. I pulled one arm away, reaching blindly for Cullen who took my hand, kissing it.

“This was something you could have addressed in a better way, my love,” he said.

“I know,” I said in a hoarse voice. “I just...I already got yelled at for being on the roof...”

“Shhh,” Cullen said when I hiccuped, laying beside me and petting my stomach. “Darling, we worry because it's not just you, it's three lives you put in jeopardy climbing on the roof. In case you forgot, we got upset you were on the roof at all.”

“You can be frustratingly blasé about your own safety,” Garrett snarled through gritted teeth as he flopped back on the bed. “We almost lost you...more than once! I don't...I can't lose you.” He turned and grabbed my free hand, pressing several hard kisses to the back. “You started this. You gave me a family again, you made me feel alive when I thought I had nothing left. You don't get to throw your safety away because you have something to prove!” Frantic lips covered mine and I mewled against them.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to see you on that bed, unmoving? It was as bad as waiting for you to return from fighting Coreypheus. It was agonizing.” Cullen leaned over, rubbing Garrett's back and kissing his temple, whispering softly in his ear. Garrett shook his head, looking at me with red-rimmed eyes.

“I am terrified,” he said. “I'm scared that you're going to die. I'm worried about you being pregnant. And I don't know what to do! Every time I try to keep you safe, Every time I think that you've stopped doing stupid shit, you're up on roofs that haven't been repaired in years shoving a broom down a chimney.” He buried his face in my neck, holding me tightly. I looked at Cullen and saw him staring at me sadly.

“It's not just about today, love,” he said. “It seems like lately, you do more and more reckless things and we don't know how to keep you safe when you fight us every step of the way. We've tried punishing you but it's not working. I caught you in Dark Town the other day. There are Templar's still there. Templar's that have taken up killing mages for sport. And Garrett's right. We can't go through this again. We can't watch you hover between life and death. But we can't fight you, either. I don't know what you want us to do.” Garrett eased back from me, sniffing and I let Cullen pull me to him so I was sitting in his lap, his cheek resting on my shoulder. I felt him pull me tightly to his chest, his lips on my throat.

“I didn't think it was possible to feel like this,” he said. “To love someone like this. To have all this. I love you so much. Just let me love you. Let us love you. Let us worry and protect you. Don't take that away.”

“I'm sorry,” I said. “I just...I get so annoyed because it's like anything I do can be seen as dangerous and you two have become overprotective at times. It just makes me want to prove I can do it, that I know what I'm doing, that I can be trusted with my own safety.”

“Cullen's right, this could have been addressed in a much better form,” Garrett said, leaning against my back. “Why didn't you talk to us?”

“I don't know,” I said. Garrett skimmed his lips along my shoulder as his hand slid up my back and into my hair where he fisted my curling locks, jerking my head back. I cried out, my back arching as he pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses to my neck.

“You _challenged_ me,” he hissed through his teeth.

“I'm sorry,” I wailed as his fingers pushed against my aching opening. I felt the rush of healing magic and swallowed.

“We're going to make love to you,” Cullen whispered, nipping my chin.

“Noooo,” I moaned. I hated when they went so slow and gentle, easing me into orgasm before soothing me out. I liked when we got rough, even if it was just a quickie.

“Not up for debate, baby,” Garrett said, moving so Cullen could lay me on the bed. I felt Cullen ease his cock into me, his hips moving agonizingly slow. My entire being was over sensitive. I was already deep inside subspace, our talk having given me a moment of clarity before I descended back into Euphoria. Garrett kissed me, then began trailing kisses along my skin, worshiping every mark and bruise he found until I was a trembling mess, tears leaking down the sides of my face. Cullen stole my lips in a languid kiss, his hands cupping my cheeks and tilting my head as he rolled his hips.

“Cum for me, my love,” he whispered. I did, whimpering as his slow thrusts drew it out. He groaned against my lips, giving a hard thrust before he climaxed, adding more seed to the mess between my legs. He spent several minutes kissing and petting me before he pulled away and let Garrett take his place. I sobbed at the black haired mage filled me, my nails digging into his chest. He hissed and took one of my hands, looping it around his neck before doing the same to the other. I climaxed at his first thrust, the nerves in my channel raw from the earlier fucking despite the spell. He bent down, sucking on my neck. I felt and heard his tongue flick out, pulling more skin into his mouth before he pulled off with a wet sucking sound.

“I love you,” he said. I only nodded, unable to form words at that point. Cullen took one of my breast in his mouth, sucking at the skin as he watched me. His hand cupped the other one, pulling and flicking the beaded nipple. I heard the wet sound of Garrett's cock in me as well as the sound of Cullen sucking at my breast. Harsh panting filled the air, sweat soaking our limbs and the heady smell of sex hung in the air, almost stifling. I wept, wrapping my arms around Cullen's neck as he kissed me, feeling his chest against mine, the hair tickling my over sensitive nipples.

“Cullen,” I chanted against his lips. “Garrett.” Cullen drew back at a tap of Garrett's hand on his back, letting the mage pull me into his arms and kiss me.

“Cum whenever you want, baby,” Garrett said. I climaxed on command, my body unable to defy the trigger words. I collapsed against the pillows, unable to move. Garrett kissed me, carding his fingers through my hair and rolling his hips to milk my orgasm. His cock slipped out and he rolled to the side, panting and Cullen did the same on the other side of me. I lay there for a moment, catching my breath and trying to get the feeling back into my limbs. Cullen curled up at my side, pressing kisses to my neck and shoulder.

“Our husband needs you,” he whispered in my ear and I looked over to see Garrett had his arm over his eyes as he caught his breath. It always seemed like Garrett was the one who grounded Cullen and me when we were in emotional. He, himself rarely needed to be coddled. I now saw why. He bottled up his pain, he was used to being the strong one, for his siblings, for his mother, for his friends. I turned and slid my fingers along his chest. He shifted slightly but otherwise didn't move. I moved my arm over his shoulders, scooting up in the bed and pulling him to my chest. He hugged me tightly, hiding his face against my breast much the way the children did. I heard a sniff and ran my fingers through his hair.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” I said softly.

“I'm scared,” he said.

“I know,” I told him. “That's okay. I'm scared, too. So is Cullen.” Cullen hummed in agreement, resting his cheek against my arm as he rubbed Garrett's shoulders comfortingly.

“I don't want to lose you,” Garrett said. “I can't bear the thought of being without you.”

“You won't,” I said.

“You don't know what it was like,” Garrett said. “Seeing you like that, having to explain to our children...having to...I prayed for you. I prayed for you and you were there. I begged the Maker to bring me purpose, to bring me a family, to bring me love and suddenly you were there and you gave me everything and more. It was like it was all worth it, like it all mattered.” Garrett sat up, forcing me to look at him.

“Don't you understand?” he asked, looking at me desperately. “I lost my entire family. My father, my sister, my mother, my brother. Carver's still alive but that relationship is ruined. We're not brothers. We're barely related. But it felt like the Maker was making room for you and everything you gave me. Like there was a purpose because there was you.” I cupped his cheek, brushing my thumb over his skin. Cullen moved over behind him, kissing along his shoulder as he hugged him from behind.

“You were my purpose, too,” I said. “Both of you.” I kissed Garrett, pouring all my love into it before doing the same to Cullen. They both smiled and we relaxed into the bed, Garrett snuggled between Cullen and me.


	141. How Did It Feel?

I looked up as Garrett walked into the room, his golden eyes locked on me and his brow arched.

"Where the fuck did my family all go?" he asked with a laugh.

"Our darling husband took his siblings and the kids out for a trip to Sunder Mountains," I said, setting my book aside.

"And you and I got left behind because we're not cool enough for them?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No, my love," I said, rising to my feet. "You and I needed some alone time, so Cullen told them I wasn't feeling well and you would stay behind to take care of me."

"Are you ill?" Garrett asked, looking panicked. "Do you need to lay down? Should I run and get a healer? I'll get a healer. Where are my boots?" I laughed and reached out, taking his hand.

"I'm fine," I soothed, reaching up and cupping his cheek. "Calm down, my love. I'm fine. I promise. We just need to talk." He looked at me warily, but I only smiled at him and guided him to our room, pushing him gently towards the bed. He sat on the edge of it and I knelt between his legs, my hands on his thighs, rubbing them.

"You know I love you, right?" I asked.

"Y-yes," he replied, his voice nervous. 

"You are always taking care of Cullen and me," I told him, reaching up and tucking an errant strand of black hair away from his face. "It's sometimes hard to overlook that you need care as well." His face broke out in a grin and he bent down, his calloused fingers stroking along my jaw.

"I'm fine, baby," he said. "Really."

"Garrett," I said softly. "Tell me how it felt to lose your family." His expression fell then blanked completely and I sighed.

"You know how it felt, you saw it." I shook my head.

"But it wasn't my father or sister or mother or brother, it was yours. I was just a bystander," I explained in a gentle tone.

"Baby, I don't want to talk about this," he said firmly, standing and stepping away from me carefully. I watched him turn from me and rose to my own feet.

"So I can tell you about being abused but you don't want to tell me about being left alone?" I asked, my voice emotionless. Garrett froze and I saw his fist rise, clenching tightly.

"Baby, leave it alone," he said through gritted teeth.

"I almost died," I said angrily. "I almost left you, Garrett. You watched me lay on a bed in a fucking coma, just as your father had. You realized that no magic in this world could save me, just as it couldn't save Bethany or your Mother. You stared at me and knew you couldn't change what was happening, just like you couldn't change Carver's mind. How. Did. It. Feel. Garrett? To know that you could lose me like you lost them? How did it feel to know you were alone in this world?"

"It fucking sucked!" Garrett spat, spinning around to face me. "Is that what you want? It fucking sucked, all right? My father was the strongest man I ever knew! I thought nothing could hurt him, not Templar's, not Darkspawn, nothing! But a fucking disease took him! I was barely an adult and I had the weight of my entire family on my shoulders! I had two fucking teenagers to look after, one of whom was a mage. My mother was practically comatose after my father died.  When she was finally coming around, the Blight descended on us and Bethany died as we ran from Lothering!" He took a deep breath and turned from me sharply, looking into the fireplace where flames flickered merrily.

"She fell like a ragdoll. That's what I thought when I saw it. But I still kept thinking I could heal her. She would wake up. But nothing my magic did helped. Mother blamed me and I blamed me too. I was supposed to protect her and I failed." His hand carded through his hair and those golden eyes of his were gazing past the fire, his mind no longer in the present.

"I left Carver behind to protect him, but it didn't matter. He still ran away to join the Templar's, bitter at being treated like a child. I tried to tell him it was for mother, but he didn't listen, he didn't care. In his eyes, it was just another one of my fuck ups. First Father, then Bethany, now him. I was never good enough in his eyes and to this day I have no idea what he's ever wanted from me." He tipped his head back, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before turning shining eyes on me.

"My mother was all I had left. I did everything for her, to keep her safe, to keep her content. And in the end, it didn't even fucking matter. Some mad bastard used to her try and resurrect his dead wife. I clung to her, trying to heal her, far past my mana limits. Ander's, Fenris and Varric had to pull me away. I punched Fenris, called Varric some choice words and tried to blast Ander's with a fireball. Not my finest moment. Ander's eventually just cast a sleep spell on me. Uncle Gamlen asked me to tell him what happened, but I refused. He didn't need to know the details...He didn't need to know what she became..." His voice caught and he turned away from me, sitting back on the bed, his head in his hands.

"I sat in this big fucking empty house and had _no_ idea what to do next. For years...for years I had lived...lived for them...now...I had no purpose...No-now...." I walked over, resting my hand on his shoulder. He reached out, seizing me around the waist and dragging me into his lap. His face pressed to my neck and his arms locked tightly around my ribs. I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, listening as he sobbed. His shoulders shook and wretched cries spilled from his lips as tears wet my skin.

"I know, my love," I soothed. "Just let it out. I'm here. I've got you. You know that, right? You know that I've always got you." He nodded, pressing a kiss to my collarbone as his grip tightened marginally. 

"Listen to me," I said after his sobs had died down. My hands were on his shoulders, urging him back. He hung his head, the line of his shoulders telling me he was ashamed. I tilted his head back, looking into his bloodshot eyes, his nose and cheeks red and tears spilling down his cheeks.

"Cullen and I can't understand what you went through," I said. "But at one point, we both looked out over our lives and saw only an empty road. At one point, we questioned our purpose, our worth. Don't ever hide from us, my love. You don't have to be strong. We will give you strength whenever you need it." He gave me a watery smile and sniffed, grabbing the kerchief from his pocket and making an attempt to clean his face. I took it from his hands, cooling it with a wave of my hand and dabbing at his skin.

"I love you," he said, his hand between my shoulder blades.

"I love you, too. I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner..."

"No," he said. "It's only recently that...Malcolm and Emilia were asking about my family, why they didn't have all the grandparents other kids did...I..." He sighed, resting his cheek against my breast.

"Well, they really have just Solas," I said. "Or had...but they have a thousand aunts and uncles, so they should just chill." Garrett laughed.

"Did you see the massive piles of gifts last Wintersend?!" I cried. "I mean, Andraste's Ass! I thought I was going to faint!" Garrett pressed loud kisses to my collar, nuzzling my chin.

"I adore you," he said, pulling me down to the bed. "My wife." I smirked up at him, trailing my finger down the bridge of his nose.

"In the six year's we've been married, I have never gotten tired of hearing those words from your lips." He smiled at me lovingly, ducking down and kissing me. 

"I will never tire of saying them," he murmured. "Thank you."

"For what?" I arched a brow, tilting my head to the side.

"For being a stubborn pain in my ass and taking care of me," he chuckled, easing his hips down on one side of me, his shoulders still held up over my chest. I took his left hand and he shifted his weight to his right forearm as I raised the appendage and interlocked his fingers with my own so our wedding bands touched.

"I will be your strength when you're weak, your shield with you need protection, your sword when you fight, your warmth in the cold, your shelter from the world and your honor when you feel you have none. I will stand at your side, even if I must do so alone." He tore his hand from mine, cupping the back of my head and kissing me with a breath-stealing ferocity.

"I did not need to see that!" Garrett and I jumped apart and found Rosalie standing in the doorway, her hand over her eyes. "I did not need to see my In-laws getting it on. Oh, Maker!" Cullen poked his head into the room, looking around eagerly. When his gaze landed on Garrett and me, trying not to laugh at Rosalie's discomfort, he huffed.

"Damn, I missed it."

"Rosie, leave them alone!" Mia scolded. "Andraste's flaming sword! I told you to knock!" Cullen smirked as Rosalie rolled her eyes and turned to go argue with Mia. Cullen groaned and watched her go before turning back to us.

"I'll go keep them quiet," he said.

"They're big kids, Cul," Garrett said. "Come here. I need some affection." Cullen chuckled and stepped into the room, climbing into bed behind Garrett and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Was she mean to you?" he asked.

"Terribly," Garrett sighed, winking at me. "She made me talk about my feelings and made me cry." Cullen hummed, lips pressing to the back of Garrett's neck.

"Should I beat her up for you, love?" the former Templar asked.

"Please," Garrett cooed. "And let me watch."

"Of course, love."

"Hey, I'm the one with wet boobs," I grumbled.

"Some of that's probably snot, you know," Garrett remarked with a smirk. I rolled my eyes.

"One, ew. Two, I have three children. Won't be the first or last time I've had snot on my tits."

"Do you realize, after the twins are born, we'll have five kids," Garrett asked, looking to Cullen, then me.

"Welp, I'm done having kids," I said. 

"Oh, C'mon!" they both cried.

"No!"

"But...but..."

"No!"


	142. 10 Years

I shouted as the kids raced into the house past me, greeting Orana cheerfully. The servant giggled and swept the twins up in her arms, kissing their chubby cheeks.

"Kids, I told you to stop tackling Orana," Cullen shouted. Orana waved it away and basked in the children's affection. It was hard to believe the twins were already two. It seemed just yesterday that I had been laying on the bed, screaming in pain with the finest healer Dorian could find between my legs. The Tevinter mage had gone into a tizzy when I told him I was pregnant with twins. Apparently, a great number of women died giving birth to twins and he insisted that I would not be one of them. The healer was given a room at the best inn in Kirkwall, paid for by Dorian despite my protests, and remained there until the twins were two months old. Aside from some slight hemorrhaging that had easily been stopped, I hadn't had a problem and Rose Leandra Hawke and Severus Luca Rutherford were brought into the world with many tears from my spouses to accompany them. I had been surprised when Garrett had insisted that 'Leandra' not be his daughter's first name.

"I don't want all our children besides Gethorn named after a dead person," he had told me and Cullen had echoed this sentiment. So Leandra Rose became Rose Leandra and Luca Severus became Severus Luca. With the addition of the twins, Gethorn had told us he would be moving in with Michel into a house Varric had procured for him. It was close and the two still came over almost every night for dinner. Gethorn still accompanied us when we journeyed to the Sanctuary. Since we got the Sanctuary up and running, Cullen didn't need to go there every day. We alternated weeks, all of us joining him when he went, helping out where we could. When we returned to Kirkwall, we would stock up on supplies, rest and take care of paperwork.

Once word of the Sanctuary had gotten out, Templar's from all over flocked, seeking help with Lyrium withdraws. They learned to be self-sufficient again, everyone tasked with a duty to keep their minds sharp and focused. Garrett and Cullen had perfected a potion to ease the symptoms and help them ween off Lyrium.  
I kept in contact with my friends as best I could, usually getting a letter at least once a month. Bull and Blackwall would swing by on occasion and the children were always thrilled. We also made a few trips to Tevinter, staying with Dorian and letting him show us all the lavish things Tevinter could offer.

I hadn't spoken to my father since the Exalted council and it weighed heavily on my heart. I searched the Fade for him, but it soon became clear he was hiding from me. Though there were times I would see a lone wolf following me, watching me with eyes that bore a human intelligence. When I tried to approach it, it fled. I had taken to leaving notes in the library we had frequented, keeping him up to date on what was going on in my life. I only ever got one reply after I left an angry letter, asking him if he even cared what was going on in my life, if he even loved me still, if he even considered himself my father. The next night, a crystal vase sat on the table with a single rose in full bloom. Beneath it lay a sheet of parchment, the words were written carefully in my father's hand.

"I have always cared, my daughter," it read. "I look forward to your letters, more than anything. I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. I cannot write to you, because it would be too easy to tell you everything and I do not want you to carry my burden. I am glad you are happy. I will stop at nothing to keep you safe and content my darling child. Please do not ever think otherwise."

Madison confessed to leaving letters for our father and receiving a similar one himself.  
My twin had eventually married Josephine one warm spring day in Antiva with me as Josephine's maid of honor and my spouses as Madison's Best man and groomsmen. The couple were now expecting their first child and I was thrilled for my brother. Josephine's trade business took off and when she told me how Assassin's from the House of Repose had offered their services to guard her ships, I had merely smiled. Her eyes had narrowed at me and she asked if I knew anything about it because it was only their help that saved her ships when Rivani pirates had attempted to take them over. I had only continued to smile.  
Isabella stopped by whenever she was in Kirkwall and took every chance she could get to pin me to any available surface and fuck me. 

"Forgive my rambunctious children, Majesty," I said, looking at Alistair. He chuckled and shook his head.

"Don't apologize," he said. "They're great."  
King Alistair had swung by and visited us when he came to Kirkwall to discuss trade with Fereldan. He had looked at the twins, then at the two men who smiled at them then at me and asked me point blank if all my children were Garretts.

"No," I said. "Gethorn is an elf." He had stared at me for a long moment and I sighed. "I'm also married to Cullen as well as Garret and Severus and Emilia are both his. It's not a secret. Our friends and family all know and support us. I don't expect you to understand, but we truly love each other." Alistair had sat back, sipping his wine as he gazed moved to the steps where the majority of my family had gone, tired from the day's activities. Garrett had kissed me hotly, whispering that if I managed to seduce Fereldan's king, he and Cullen wanted to watch. I laughed. Cullen seemed to share Garrett's voyeuristic streak and the two thoroughly enjoyed watching me be fucked by either each other, Isabela or even, once, Fenris.

"How did it happen?" Alistair had asked.

"I have always loved Cullen," I explained. "I love Garrett, I married him, but I still loved Cullen. It was very confusing for me. Cullen loved me, but he stood aside, thinking that Garrett would be better for me. After we defeated Corypheus, Garrett surprised me with a threeway and it kind of just went from there. Cullen became a regular in our bed and one day Garrett realized he was in love with Cullen as well. So we all sat down and talked about it and Cullen confessed his love for Garret and I. Then we got married." I shrugged as if it were a simple thing and Alistair looked at me in shock.

"I...I don't know what to say," he said.

"It's strange, I know," I said. "But it works for us. Cullen's siblings know all about it and they support us. My brother supports me. The kids are happy and I couldn't ask for more."

"Whatever works for you, I suppose," Alistair said. I heard footsteps on the stairs and looked over to see Cullen and Garrett joining us.

"Kids all down for the night?" I asked.

"Rose had a little trouble," Cullen said. "But Sev just pulled her to the bed and told her to sleep."

"And it worked?" I asked, not even surprised.

"Like a miracle," Garrett said. "Is it some weird twin things? I mean, they're only half-siblings."

"I don't know," I admitted. Garrett slid down to the couch next to me. I smiled and leaned into him, sighing as he caressed my shoulder with the tips of his fingers. Garrett dropped down on the other side of me, leaning forward and kissing along my jaw.

"There's a letter for you on the desk," he hummed. I nodded, knowing what he was talking about. I had seen it briefly, taking in the all too familiar flowing script that read my name and address. I knew it was from my father, but I couldn't bring myself to open it, not yet. I somehow knew it wasn't anything good and I just wanted to bask in the love and comfort of my friends and family before facing the next trial in my life.  
Alistair heaved a sigh, slouching back in the chair.

"I can't even find a decent spouse and you have two," he grumbled, giving me a mock glare. "Two who seem to adore you." I laughed, tilting my head back and kissing along Cullen's jaw before taking Garrett's hand and kissing the back of it.

"Yes," I said. "I'm a lucky woman indeed." I looked again towards the desk and the letter it held, feeling a lump form in the pit of my stomach. I was certain it wasn't anything I was going to like. I didn't want to open it. I didn't want anything to ruin the peace and calm life I had built, filled with love and laughter. I smiled at Alistair who had begun talking about what had been going on in Ferelden with Cullen and Garrett, giving him a quick nod as I stood and stole upstairs. I peeked into the twins room, seeing them curled around each other in their single bed. I knew eventually we would need to get them separate beds, but while they were young I couldn't see any harm in letting them co-sleep.

Severus coughed and shifted, making Rose grumble before settling. I smiled and moved further down the hall to Madison's old room. I peeked inside to find Emilia curled around a large stuffed rabbit she insisted she didn't sleep with. A mage light flickered in its glass case, casting blue shadows around the room. I turned and walked towards Malcolm's room, peering behind the door. Malcolm, unlike his siblings, was awake. His head turned towards me, hazel eyes locking with mine.

"Why are you awake, love?" I asked.

"I'm just up," he said with a shrug. "What are you doing?"

"Checking in on you," I said, stepping inside and sitting beside him on the bed. 

"You're worried." It wasn't a question. I had learned early on it didn't do well to try to lie to Malcolm. He knew when something was wrong and if I lied to him.

"I am," I said with a gentle nod.

"Why?" he asked. I smoothed my hands over his legs and smiled.

"I'm worried about you and your siblings and fathers," I said.

"Why?"

"Because I love you," I said evasively. Malcolm stared at me for a moment before sighing softly and sinking down into the pillows.

"Why don't you tell me anything anymore?" he huffed.

"When did I ever tell you everything?" I asked amused.

"When I was younger," he snorted.

"I didn't tell you everything," I tittered, looking at my six-year-old son. "You were just a babe. Your questions were simpler to answer."

"How are my questions more difficult?" he asked.

"You demand more," I said. "You want more detail, deeper explanations, and reasons."

"So why not just tell me?" he asked.

"Because there are things you don't need to know," I replied. "I don't tell you everything because I'm protecting you."

"Do I have to like it?" he asked sullenly.

"No," I said. He humphed and curled up on his side. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Mamae," he sighed. I smiled and kissed his brow before standing and leaving the room. I made my way back downstairs and to the desk. My fingers skimmed over the letter my father had sent. I picked it up, glancing to where the men were laughing and drinking, Orana refilling Garrett's glass for him. I picked the letter up, staring at the careful lettering on the crisp parchment. I tore the envelope open and reaching inside, pulling out the folded letter and swallowing heavily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end.  
> Thanks for all the support, kudos, bookmarks, comments and such! Still posting art to my Tumblr (address in my profile) and little rough drafts of my next story!


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